We all paid to be here, no need to be a whale vagina

Okay okay its actually getting to the end of festival time because its about to be hella hot. But the last couple weeks have been one of the BIGGEST and most known.

The New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival!!!!!!!!!!

You see this insanity is two weekends.  It brings in HUGE musical acts from around the world and patrons from around the world.  Its INTENSE. But outside of the festival there are always hundreds of concerts all over the city from Tiny venues to the superdome.  Performers are everywhere and fans are ready to attend.  

I've not been to a concert since pre-covid.  I've been to festivals but not a concert (Garth doesn't count, that was a f**king Stadium!!!). 

So I attended a locally popular band who came in for Jazz Fest.  And can I tell you people...are still f**king AWFUL.  You forget how terrible people can be until you are in a crowd. 

We got there early to get a spot upfront (well like 2nd row of peeps, SUPER close).  It's a small venue and honestly there isn't a bad place to stand/sit in the house but we had "VIP" and got in early.  We made friends with everyone around us because we all know at some point you have to pee or get a drink and you want "help" keeping your spot while your partner runs off.  

It wasn't too bad.  Like no throwing elbows.  But right before the main act came on my "new friend" had to go pee so her husband who was a bigger guy was "holding" their spot.  I literally turned my head for two seconds and two chicks jumped in front of him *WTF*.  There wasn't alot of space, they just pushed in.  

So I put my foot out to keep them from standing in front of me because like hell I am giving up my spot when I've been here for 2 hours.  Wifey came back and was WTF??!!?  I pulled her next to me and was like nope you are still here ma'am.  Well then hubs had to pee so I did the RIDICULOUS straddle the area move.  Our "friends" were teasing me but all in good fun.  But Like I am legit 5'1"....my stance is not big.  But I made myself as "BIG" as possible and my new friends helped me keep the space.  OUT OF NO WHERE some chick comes be bopping up from the back.  Now I am 1000% non confrontational but come on.  

She straight up stepped on my foot and I said "No ma'am.  My husband is standing here."  She looked at me like I was crazy but the nice man behind me said "you dont look like her husband, go on git".  She was about to argue and he goes, "look, we've been here all night.  You want front row you get here early, move ON!".  And she left.  I was like OMG thank you!

As I am still straddling (don't think I was being an @$$, I literally was just trying to keep a small space for two persons) some chick stands literally in front of me.  Leans back INTO MY CROTCH and hands her friend (spot stealer #1 that stood in front of the couple next to me) a drink.  

My mouth got the best of me and I said "are you f**king kidding me????"  She is literally twice my size and probably 5'6"-ish, she looked at me like I grew a second head and said "what?".  I said "You are NOT standing there.  I've literally been here for 2 hours and you are straddling my f**king leg!!!"  She said "OMG bish chill, I'm going to the other side of my friend."  I said "cool fine, then move". And she did.  And I 100% know she had zero plans of doing so until I made a scene.  Because if you are moving along you say "omg excuse me just trying to get through".  She just stood on top of me and seemed perfectly comfy resting on my thigh/crotch.  There was ZERO room in front of me.  She was being a TW@T.

Anyways main act begins and its f**king amazing! We are all singing and bonding and having the best time.  When suddenly I feel tits...on my shoulder!  Like not the lady behind me who is literally my height.  Like someone taller so pressed up against me their tits are on TOP of my shoulder. Okay look I know I am at a concert and people will squish together but this felt different. 

So I turn my head and this chick straight up says "can i get in front of you for a few minutes."  

*you CANNOT be serious*. 

She is literally almost a foot taller than me...  So I said "hahaha...No...".  She seemed shocked I would deny her and was like lost for words.  Then said "well can I stay here?"  I said you need to ask the lady behind me.  And I STG she said "I don't want to she's mean".  And I was like "well yea I guess she is!" and turned around.  My friend next to me pushed her shoulder next to mine and screamed "HOLD THE LINE!" hahaha

Well the nice lady behind me was like "Um get the f**k B." and she was like "but I paid...just like you did". And the nice lady's husband goes "yea but you didn't get here 2 hours ago so move your @$$". 

So she backs up...and stands in front of a woman who is WAY shorter than me.  A complete stranger...as in someone who didn't know this tiny lady lost his $HIT on this chick.  It was EPIC!!!!  She went back further.  But the thing is she lost her original spot so she kept getting pushed further and further back by other irritated patrons.  And honestly I didn't feel bad for her at this point. 

The rest of the night was perfection. A few times someone had to go pee and the group collectively helped save their spot.  It was AMAZING. 

So here's my "question". Were we in the wrong for trying to save our spots???   Its not like we blocked off a giant area.  We all got there early and the couples never left together.  But these persons decided to get there late and jump in front.  Am I crazy or is that 1000% just f**king rude??!?!?!  Like if you like a band that much, get there early or stay in the back.  F**k it's one of my fav bands but if we got there 2 hours after the doors opened, I wouldn't think it was okay to stand in front of someone that had been there for hours.  

I don't want to hear your noise pollution!

Pet Peeve...people watching videos/listening to music in public/while with other people WITHOUT HEADPHONES!

Look I like me a good Tik Tok video or Reel or whatever but if I am in the presence of others and not sharing what I am looking at, I have my earbuds in! (or wait til later)

It drives me BONKERS when people just blast whatever is on their phone at top volume.  No lie, I was on a flight recently and someone behind us was watching some TV show, complete with laugh track, without headphones.  It was clearly annoying everyone around her so the flight attendant asked her to please use headphones.  She said she didn't have any so the attendant said "then please lower the volume or turn it off".  STG she responded "But it's family friendly! What's the big deal?"  

Come on!  Read, look at memes, take a nap, BORROW SOME HEADPHONES!  I don't want to hear what you are listening to while on a long flight!  Even the 8 year old next to me had the kindness to use his headphones!

With that said, if you are at a family function, sitting in the family room, with a bunch of family/friends.....get off the phone for god's sake!  That's rude, right?!?   Am I the only one annoyed by that?!?  I know I'm getting older but even my young nieces/nephews wouldn't sit on their devices blaring videos while everyone else is talking or watching a TV Show or Movie.  

I just don't get it.  Like I'll watch a video here and there but its like one, low volume and I'm usually about to share it with whomever.  

I mean I guess it's "rude" to sit in a full room with headphones on but I'd rather that than Jack @$$ and the gang at full volume. 

Ya know Math just isn't for some people......

But those people maybe shouldn't work in the accounting or billing dept.....

Look I get it. I have besties who sometimes the numbers just don't click.  And its okay.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But when you work with money or better yet OTHER people's money, you should have a basic understanding of numbers. 

If you are AP or AR you should know that a number in parentheses is a negative.  A negative number...is a credit.  A credit should be SUBTRACTED from a total not added to it.  

You should also understand what "billing cycle" means.  And most times a billing cycle is billed AFTER the cycle ends.  So if say your billing cycle run from 11/11-12/10 and is due on the 1st of the following month.  That would mean they are due on 1/1....right?  Right.  This would also mean that the next billing cycle (12/11 - 1/10) would be due on 2/1, right? Right.  

So if you were me and got a bill for 11/11 - 12/10 AND 12/11 - 1/10 saying they are BOTH due on 1/1 you would have an issue, right?  How can you bill me for 12/11 - 1/10 when we are still in the middle of said billing cycle?!?!

Apparently that was confusing to the poor AR person I was speaking with.  He tried but he tried wrong.  He tried to make me feel stupid, tell me I needed to ADD the (12.66) to my total not SUBTRACT it, and mansplain how billing works.  That works never with me.  I was kind until he tried to make me feel dumb and spoke down to me.  

At that point I was not kind.  I didn't yell.  That isn't my style.  I started asking questions making him realize he was not in the right...to the point that he finally gave in and got his manager.  What was worse, that manager did the same thing, well he tried to.  Then when he realized I had a brain he told me to call in to customer loyalty tomorrow since it was clear my billing was incorrect and he didn't have the authority to pull the detail to actually help me.  

If you can't help someone that's okay BUT don't treat them like $hit, make them feel inferior, or speak down to them just to make yourself right.  That is crap customer service and you should not be in that position.  

Sometimes I don't fit in...and that's OKAY!

I am not here to debate gun control.  But you cannot deny those types of shows attract a certain...type of people....

So I went to a "Weapons" show.  Not because I needed anything but because I was asked to please go.  Now I had something else to do after so I was WAY over dressed for this.  I felt like some kind of Malibu Barbie walking in all made up.  

Everyone was in camo, anti Biden, pro Trump, anti government, anti wife, misogynistic, attire.  I am not exaggerating.  Soooo many signs saying "don't worry what your wife will say, buy the gun".  Ha ha.  Okay *rolling eyes*.  

Now I am not trying to say I am like some blonde goddess or something but I'm cute.  I have never had so many people just open mouth stare at me.  Like blatantly stare.  I mean clearly out of place and overdressed but at least try to not STARE.  It was making me uncomfortable!  Anyways what pissed me off was how irresponsible people were. 

1. COVID is still a thing people.  Delta Variant is happening. Can we try and not spread it?  Based on the attire and attitude I am guessing most people here were not vaccinated.  I was masked up because people be gross yo.  But not many other people were and although I gots the shot, I am not taking any chances. 

2.  I watched a women COUGH LOUDLY into her hands, then pick up a handgun and hand it to a customer to look at

3. Everytime I passed one of those "self defense" booths MEN would zap a taser near me  One time I about jumped out of my skin he said "see you need one.  and look it's a nice girly purple!".  'scuse you!

4. I was looking at some pocket knives for when I go fishing and was told more than once "you don't want that one, you could hurt yourself.  Here look at this pretty pink one".  Oh you can just f**k off, sale lost. 

5. Did I mention the taser zapping people?!?!?!  Another guy did it, tried to hand me the taser, then said "I could have gotten you and you wouldn't have known what happened"  Then zapped it again. WTAF man?!?!  I'm going to zap you in the balls if you do that again!

6.  CHILDREN!  I have no issues with kids learning about things and safety and stuff.  But I watched a woman looking at a bracelet on a table while her 4 year old was standing there waving a dagger she had picked up.  I stammered out some sort of "Ummmm, she has a knife" and mom freaked a little and took it away.   

            A. In that same vein, I saw another very young child pick up a glock and point it at me, then start                     giggling.  Now I know NOTHING is loaded but that is 100% not cool!!!!!    

I've been to shows before and have no issues with weapons but this one was...it was weird.  It felt...it just didn't feel right.  It was concerning...

Were you raised by animals?!?!?!

Wait...that's an insult to animals.  So like there is this almost epidemic happening with the Flu.  Everyone seems to be getting it.  So far I have been INSANELY lucky.  I am taking immune boosters just in case.  I don't care if they are proven, they make me feel better...placebo effect...whatever. 

Anyways, going out in public you run the risk of being infected.  Well I might not want to be sick but like hell I was missing Comic Con.  So I took my stuff and ventured out. 

For the most part I didn't hear anyone severely ill.  Here and there you would hear/see a sneeze/cough but nothing drastic.  But just in case I had my handy dandy false sense of clean (hand sanitizer) and was a little crazy with using it.  But I was touching things other, possibly sick, people touched so better safe than sorry, right.

Towards the end of our day at WWNOLA I was thinking out loud to my hubs how nice it was that there wasn't any OBVIOUSLY ill people.  Can someone slap me next time I make a stupid f**king comment like that?!?!  Because that is just BEGGING the universe to f**k with me. 

There I was walking down one of the many exhibitor aisles looking at all the fun stuff when I went through a "crossing".   Some man walking perpendicular to me full on coughed....INTO THE SIDE OF MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He didn't attempt to turn.  He didn't attempt to cover his mouth. 

Just hacked up a lung within 12 inches of my face.  He coughed so hard my hair blew in the "wind". 

And not just a *cough, cough*, it was like one of those "wet", I might have an infection, deep chest coughs. 

I was so grossed out I literally froze in place. 

Before I could freak out some other patron dressed as some creepy zombie looking thing smacked him on the back of his a head and said "what's wrong with you?!!?!?!".  He beelined it WITHOUT apologizing.  The zombie looked at me and said "that's how virus' spread" and walked off. 

I lost if laughing, like full belly laugh with giggles.  A ZOMBIE told me, that's how virus' are spread.  I don't know if he was trying to be funny but me and at least 3 other people who were nearby thought it was freaking hilarious. 

"How did the Zombie apocalypse start?", well you see some @$$hole went to Comic Con sick.  "Son of a B**ch!". 

I crack myself up.

Also, we are not talking like a kid or young person.  We are talking a GROWN @$$ MAN who should know to cough into his elbow!!!!

Some people wonder how others can hate the holidays...because drama...plain and simple. Its f**king Christmas people, can't you just be happy...for once?

This is a RANT, feel free to not read...

I'm really trying hard not to be judge-y but as I get older I notice more things that I used to...I guess ignore.  I used to let people (family mostly) get away with the rude or nosy or inappropriate comments but lately it seems to bug me...A LOT.

For instance on Christmas I was wishing someone Merry Christmas.  They asked "so what did you get from your husband?" I told them (very excitedly).  I expected:

"Oh that's so cool!" 
"Oh wow, I've been wanting one of those"
"How do you like it so far"

Something of that nature...said with enthusiasm. 

Instead I got "Did you even want that?".  I...um....what?!?  "Did you ask for THAT?" *Said in the most serious tone*  

What on Earth...why does that matter?!?  If you must know I didn't "ask" for anything.  So I just said "uh...yea...I mean yea I want it." 

The response...."oh, just checking because you've never mentioned it and I didn't know he was going to get you one.  Did you give him something equally expensive?" 

I'm sorry...what?!?!  That is not... wow!  So what YOU were going to get it for me...?  I highly doubt that.  Or do you think he spent to much on little old me?  Am I not deserving of such a 'lavish' gift...from my HUSBAND? I just found this extremely rude.  That is rude...right?  Is this some sort of jealousy?  I'm being serious...because I honestly have no idea what to think.   And no it was not his family or a friend...it was MY FAMILY. 

So to answer the "why don't you come around as much?" question...this is f**king why!  This is why NONE OF US come around as much.  I'm still shocked 3 out of 4 of us turned out semi-normal.  Keep your drama...we had enough of it growing up.  *geesh*

Just be lucky I didn't grab your phone and rub it in my @$$crack or something

Alright, so I totally wouldn't do THAT.  Look I know peeps are germ crazy.  They think everyone is gross and no one washes their hands.  Usually THESE are the people who come around others hacking up a lung and snotting all over. 

Look I get it...its cold/flu season.  You don't want people touching your phone since you have to touch it and/or put it to your face.  But don't be an @$$hat about it. 

If you come to me and shove your phone in my face to show me something, chances are I am going to gently grab it NOT BY THE SCREEN, by the edges, to angle it so I can see better (especially if there is an open window behind me...HELLO GLARE!). 

You are practically throwing your phone in my face saying "look".  Don't yank it away from my reach like I have the plague only to hover it in front of me still saying "look".  I'm trying to f**king look, I can't see it, hence the grab.  If you don't want people touching your phone don't stick it in someones face saying "look".  Next time I will grab it and rub it around in my bra just to make a point *geesh*.

And I am not the one f**king hacking and sniffling every damn day with "allergies"...that would be you dear.  Just saying.


Good lord people there are ways to handle things without being a douche nozzle. 

Side Note - It wasn't just a move the phone away from me move.  It was a yank into the air so hard they almost fell over backwards from the momentum.  Slightly unnecessary *rolling eyes*.  

Are you sure YOU aren't pregant?!?!

For F**ks sake people, quit being RUDE!  Two things you shouldn't do....

1. Talk about Religion/Politics at work
2. ASSUME a woman is pregnant

JFC that's how you get your teeth knocked out..from an angry...apparently "fat" woman with a mean right hook.  Except I am not a violent person (usually) so instead I flip the question around.


Person: *pssst* are you pregnant?
Me: *snort* nope
AT THIS POINT YOU SHOULD WALK AWAY!
Person: Are you sure?
Me: *confused* Um, yes...100%....
Person: Really?  You must be eat more and gain some weight...a little
Me: *PISSED OFF* Um, no....are YOU pregnant?
Person: *confused* No, I man?
Me: Are you sure? I mean last uniform order I had to go up two pants sizes for you....
Person: *REALLY confused* You look mad
Me: *calmly typing* If you don't want a can of Lysol shoved up your @$$, I highly recommend you leave...now. 

What the actual F**K?!?!  I know I am not a size 2 but screw you man.  Asking the 1st question fine...but when I said NO, you should probably leave it alone.  Oh and he is a f**king fat @$$...WHAT AN @$$HOLE!

Also, the "weight" I've gained is 90% muscle.  I've been working out, running, dancing, swimming, etc.  So I noticed a change also but its more what happens before all the "fat" goes away.  You know when you 1st start working out again and you don't I dunno...its weird.  See below...yea that's me...I am a f**king whale...just call me baby beluga...

And no, I'm NOT sucking in...

Alcohol is bad, mmmkay

Okay not bad.  I am partaking in wine as I type this.  Over indulging in alcohol is bad...weeeeeeeeell, I say bad.  Its more annoying to those who are not as inebriated.  Look most of us have had that drunken moment(s) where we annoyed others.  So I get it.  I am very tolerant, especially if it is someone I care about. 

Fooosball is about to start, so we have this preseason stuff gong on, right?  Right.  It is very normal to partake in beer consumption before, during, and after games.  I had one BEFORE the game.  Hubs had...more.  Chaos (hilarity) ensued.  First, I didn't realize  how bad off he was till we went to leave and he forgot to put his headlights on...and then giggled.  OUT!  Now!  Put car back in park and exit. 

I'll just list the rest below (my side of the conversation bc its funnier that way):

- Stop touching me.  OMG, leave my zipper alone!  I STG boy I will pull this vehicle over.  NO, not to hump like bunnies in the back! 
- Pick a f**king station.  No...no...I did not mean find Barry White on my phone...*sigh* turn off "lets get it on"!
-  You want taco hell?  You?!?!  Mr. "I hate fast food" wants a Mexican Pizza...?  Okay.....
- Seriously, there are 15 cars in line at Taco Hell at 11PM?!?!  Stay here.  No STAY!  Did you just bark at me?!?!  Ewwwww you licked me!  Just stay, I'm going inside to get food. 
- *5 min later* he's doing the pee pee dance in the car.  OMG, just go...go pee...QUICKLY!
- Help me feed the pups...what are you doing?  Where are your pants????  Ya know what sit here...eat food...I'll do everything else.
- Where is my other taco? You ate it?!?  I hate you right now....
- *he passed out on the couch* Hey, hey!  I'm going shower.  Hey!!!! *shake shake shake* fine...Pups, behave!
- Sweetie, I'm going to bed.  *GRUNT* Okaaaaay...do you want me to take the pups out? *grunt*  right....  I took the dogs out just to be safe
- *20 min later* WTF was that crash?!?!? *runs out of bedroom*.  How...how are you still asleep?!?!!?  Why are all y'all hiding?!?!  WTF did you find?!?!  Hey...come to bed!  Don't yell at me.  FINE! 
- *15 min later* OMG they broke the TV!!!  What are you chasin?!?!!  How did a f**king dragonfly get in?!?!  How are you sleeping through this!?!?  WAKE UP, I need help!!!  You should come to bed so the animals stop freaking out.  Hey....sweetie come to bed.  Holy $hit you almost punched me.  *shaking him roughly* Do you just tell me to f**k off?!?!  FINE, I'm out.

I made the SADDEST attempt to catch the dragonfly and lost it....whatever I went back to bed.

- *some time later* why are they barking?!?!  What was that noise??!  Where did you get a shoe?!?  Give me that!  No no no, don't pee inside...dammit!  For f**ks sake WAKE UP!  Y'all stop playing!!!! Are you even alive?!  ARGH!!!!!

- *20 min later* OMG why are they screaming now!?!?!  Dogs shoooooosh! *walks into living room* Come here baby (our puppy is only 8 weeks old) That's it get up!  *slapped his butt* Are you shaking your @$$ at me?!?!?!  OMG...OMG that is rancid *gag* Jesus Christ now I know why its called Taco Hell!  You can stay, we are going to bed.

I finally went to sleep around 1:15AM, he woke me up at 3:30AM coming to bed, bad weather woke me up at 4:15AM, and I had to get up at 5AM.  Needless to say I was dragging @$$. 

SIDE NOTE - I sent passive aggressive texts to my love to document my adventures.  They were actually quite funny...see below.  Also I should note, I couldn't just put the puppy away in her kennel bc she knew he was on the couch and would scream and if she screamed speedy howled...and I was flipping tired.

TEXT 1:
There's a dragon fly in the living room.  I only know this because I heard a loud crash after I went to bed.  (This apparently had no affect on your dream state).  All 4 animals were making an attempt to kill it.  I tried to wake you for assistance, not once, not twice, not even three times....we'll go with four.  I lost the stupid thing while trying to catch it.  It's been more than 15 min and I can't find it.  I tried again to wake you and got nothing.  I'm tired too so again I will tell you im going to bed.  So if they break the tv or anything else trying to get that thing don't blame me. 



TEXT 2:
So I just got back from another awakening.  Im not sure how I hear it from the bedroom with the door closed and ear plugs in and you haven't moved.  I can only assume they caught or tried to catch the dragon fly again.  I also attempts to get you to come to bed.  I was rewarded with some unkind words and a grunt.  Am I angry? Yes but only because I'm exhausted and trying to sleep and keep getting awakened by insanity in the living room with zero assistance.  Good Night...or morning...or whatever time it is when you  wake up and see this.




TEXT 3: 
Captains log:  The pups were crying at the gate.  I took Speedy, put her to bed, and left you in the living room to sleep it off.   I've made my final attempt to move you with no luck.  You shook your butt at me and then farted.  Either you are beyond exhausted or had more beer than I realized.  Either way, I'm going to try and get 4 hours of sleep.

SIDE SIDE NOTE - We found the Dragonfly's remains the next morning...guess a cat caught it. 

This is why we all have trust issues!

Right, so we all know everything on the Internet is 100% true.  *ahem*  Anyway, I see all kinds of goofy $hit on FB and other social media.  90% of the time the original poster is making a joke.  A *haha* lets see how many dumb@$$e$ there are on the interwebs.  I usually roll my eyes and move on.  I try not to get "offended" and I ignore many but when one starts to go viral in my friend list I have to say something.  And I am usually not the only one that does say something.  Especially when it is kind of mocking something...like Veterans.

COME ON people!!!  That is not a group of Vietnam Vets.  It is the cast for Tropic Thunder!!!!  That is Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr, etc.  STAAAAHP sharing this! I checked the original post...I can't tell if it was a joke or not but A LOT of people commented on it with "ha ha...that is the cast for Tropic Thunder" or "I hope you are joking...that is Ben Stiller etc".  I get that some people may not realize its a movie cast and share it because they share f**king everything they see online.  So bad on you internet troll...

If you want to support Veterans do not post a picture of a bunch of Hollywood elite who made a satirical movie about War....its insulting.  Instead, maybe find a REAL picture of Vets and share it.  Just a thought.   Or quit sharing everything you see online...geesh!

P.S. And yes I know quite a few Vets who find this movie hilarious (I laughed too)...its the misrepresentation in the Post that is annoying. 

At what age you do decide, "hey, I'm old enough to be an '@$$hole' to everyone and just not care"

Is it like timed??? Does it just happen one day???  "Oh, I turned 75 time to turn off the filter and let all my thoughts out".

I don't take offense because I am me and I try to not be offended by everything.  But it doesn't make it "okay" because not everyone just rolls with it.  It isn't all "Old" people but a striking majority feel like they can say whatever they want to whomever they want just because they are old and I don't know when that happens but it just does. 

And I'm not talking about the innocent comments where there is a generation gap and they don't realize its inappropriate.  I mean when they say things that everyone...no matter what age...knows is rude.  Its like "I'm over 80 now, I have no more f**ks to give".  It's funny (at least to me) but I can see how it can be damaging to those of a more sensitive nature. 

So I went visit the elders.  I brought treats because I am a good little youngin'.  About 5 minutes after we finished said treats our Matriarch said "Hmmm your tummy is poking out.  Are you sure you're not pregnant..." What on Earth...?!?! "Ummmmm, *trying not to be a sarcastic twit* yes, I am 100% sure.  It's because I just ate a bunch of sweets.  It will go down after I digest and stuff".  Her response...was...  She said "Oh, is that a thing.  You shouldn't eat before you go out on dates then.  People will think you got knocked up".  OMG what?!?!  *hahahaha*  "I am married...I mean we go out on dates but if people thought I was preggo it would be okay...".  Then she said "Well make sure you wear baggy clothes at home so he doesn't think you are getting fat".  Oh good God...tell me how you really feel *hahaha* "Okaaaaay, I'll do that... *trying not to roll eyes lest I get backhanded*".

She didn't mean any harm (I don't think), she just has zero filter.  I know in my heart she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings but some of my other relatives may have taken MAJOR offense to that.  Plus she knows we aren't getting PG but she doesn't know all the annoying details of that not working so you can't fault her there either.  I just don't know when that happens.  My other grandma does it too.  It's like they just say whatever they are thinking without thinking about what they are saying.  I guess after 80+ years you really don't care how PC you are, especially with your goofy family. 

I don't care where you are from, you will not speak to me or anyone else like that

I know people come from different cultures, different backgrounds, different countries.  Our country is a hodgepodge of so many different kinds of people.  I myself have friends who are originally from the Middle East, United Kingdom, Central America, South America, Greece, Japan, and a few other places.  My point is when you are brought up in other places and move to a new place sometimes there is a culture shock...a time where you have to adjust and that's fine. 

My problem stems from people who have no respect for other human beings...especially women.  I know there are countries...cultures out there where women are thought to be below men.  They have no rights, they have no say, they are objects to be owned.  I don't like it but I know it exists.  BUT if you move yourself to a country where women have rights, you CANNOT treat them like you did back home.  You can't own them, you can't control them, you can't treat them however you feel.  You are in a new place, respect our culture.  And I am not being an @$$hat about immigrants (legal or illegal), I know very well there are full bred American men who treat women like dirt but it is frowned upon...usually. 

Where is this coming from.  Weeeeeeeeeeeelll I may have been on the phone with a vendor, calling on behalf of my client.  My client was billed incorrectly and I was calling to get it fixed for them.  The following conversation occurred.  It was 100% awful.  I almost can't even believe it happened.  And no it is not exaggerated, I wrote down most of what was said because I have to report it....... 

Man:  *in a thick accent* Hello, thank you for calling _______.
Me: Hi, I'm NOLAGurl with ______, calling on behalf of Department of _______, may I speak to a manager?
*silence*
Woman: Hello?
Me:  *I explain who I am and why I am calling*
Woman: Oh sugar, this isn't my business, I just work here.  You need to talk to the owner.  Hold on.
Me: K...
Man: WHAT!?!
Me: *slight pause* Hi again...who am I speaking to?
Man: F**K you, why you call me and no know my name?!?!?  You no know me why you call me.
Me: *taken aback* Sir, I am just trying to verify who I am speaking with
Man: You shut your stupid face
Me: *thinking* what the f**k is happening *said* Sir, I am with _____ I am calling on behalf of my client, Depart.....
Man: *cutting me off* You have no right to call me!  I have my papers, you have no right!  You...f**k you and your mother.  Don't call me again!!!!!!!!!
Me: *getting mad* *staying calm* Sir, I am just calling to fix...
Man: Shut up, just shut your f**king face. 
Me: Sir, you are not going to speak to me like that
Man: You have no right!  I lost my wife.  It is your fault!  She did the insurance it is right!  What you do now?  I lost her!!!  She isn't here why you call me!??!
Me: *as calm as possible* Sir, I think you have me confused with...
Man: Don't f**king tell me anything!  You shut your stupid face!
*silence* *heavy breathing*
Me: Sir, I am sorry about your wife but that is not why I am calling.  I am not trying to sell you anything or get anything from you.  
*he starts yelling again in another language*
Me: *talking over him* My customer went to your store, you billed them incorrectly and I need to fix it.
Man: F**k you and your lies.  It isn't about the insurance, I have my papers, I did it all right.
Me:  I am not calling from the State, I am calling from _____________ to fix an error...
Man:  You fix nothing!  I did everything right!  I have my papers!  You never call me again! Not like this!  She is gone and you have the *word I don't know* to call me.  Call me now?!?!  When I lost her!  Do you understand you *another incoherent word* b**ch.
*woman in background saying I don't think that's why she is calling*
Man: *to his employee* You shut your stupid face!
Me: *still shocked a bit* I will say this one more time.  You will not speak to me that way.  
Man: I will speak to you and your c**t in way I want!!!!!!!
Me:  *final straw, deep breath* Okay, if that is how you feel.  If you do not want to help me help you I will direct my customer...all my customers to no longer use you business for their needs. 
*yelling again*
Me: *Talking over him* If you insist on not fixing this error I cannot in good faith send my clients back to your business.  Have a nice day.
*yelling things I wont type*
Me: *click*

Now you tell me what I could have possibly done different besides hanging up sooner.  I was nice, I was calm, I was professional.  He was mean, hateful, threatening.  I do not allow people to speak to me in that manner but I was trying to be a good little worker and get him understand who I was.  To me it sounds like he is in trouble with the government and thought I was calling to...I have no idea.  I was literally calling about billing error that was under $2.00.  It may seem like nothing but I have to get it fixed...

I feel threatened...I don't feel safe...

Look I try my hardest not to be easily offended but I do not take threats to my person lightly.  Let me set a scene.

I got home from work and decided to wash my car.
I changed into running Capri pants and a tank top.
I washed my car.
THAT'S IT!

While bent over scrubbing bug guts off my bumper I heard "*sucking teeth* Yea gurl".

I glanced over my shoulder and saw 5 teenage boys on bikes riding by.  I IGNORED them. 

They stopped not far from my house but said nothing else. They were making me uncomfortable because I knew they were watching me. 

After wearing myself out scrubbing BUG GUTS and bird $hit off my car, I had no muscle power left to Rain-X my windshield, so I asked my other half for help.  As he was wiping my windshield I was picking up the washing supplies.  Those "kids" came back by right as I walked inside.  That's when I heard something that made my skin crawl.  I heard *in a deep voice*, "hey man, Ima F**K your wife." 

My husband reacted (NOT violently) and they took off.  While my neighbor who happened to be outside BBQ-ing yelled something about them being disrespectful. 

We aren't talking about a bunch of ankle biters.  These teens were much bigger than little old me, some bigger than my husband.  It wasn't an "appreciation" of my body (which is still a bit uncalled for), that was a vile statement.  He didn't say "Your wife is hot", he said "Ima f**k your wife". 

It was a statement of fact.  You didn't hear it, there was a clear threat in his voice.  My gut said run.  I was legitimately frightened.  My husband is concerned for me.  He doesn't want me to be home alone.  And honestly I don't think he is overreacting.  It may have been a "funny" joke to them but it made me extremely uncomfortable. 

I shouldn't feel unsafe in and around my own home.  I don't know them.  They aren't kids from my neighborhood.  What if they come back when I am home alone?  What if they actually mean me harm?

I'm just glad my other neighbor was outside and heard all of it. 

And just to clarify there was no sexy bending...there was no wet t-shirt...there was nothing that suggested I wanted any type of attention much less THAT kind of attention.  I was just washing my f**king car! 

I'm sure if they were confronted they would say it was all in harmless fun.  Yea I bet that's what people say when they threaten the President online.  "Oh it was just a joke, no need to overreact" until that one time, it isn't JUST a joke. 

Because f**k you, that's why

I'm not really as angry as that title seems, just more flabbergasted by people and their inability to realize when they should shut the f**k up.  I've said it before and I'll say it again if you have already asked a woman if/when she wants kids and she says eventually *smile*...DROP IT.  Don't keep asking every time you see her, IN FRONT of everyone.  Don't randomly respond to a cute pic of her and her (insert lil one) asking when she is gonna have one.  Don't remind her every time you see her that she is getting older.  Just f**king stop!

1.  Not everyone wants kids.  It is not required for married (or unmarried) persons to reproduce.
2.  Not everyone CAN have kids. 
3.  It is not your right to know WHY I don't have kids
4.  If you ask me repeatedly I am eventually going to give you an asinine answer
5.  Don't be offended if I respond to your rudeness with rudeness
6.  Oh yea and its not okay to shove a child in my arms and say "doesn't that feel right" because that increases your chances of being throat punched ten fold

I love my littles but geez!  It comes in spurts.  I wont hear a peep from anyone about my childless marriage *rolls eyes* and then suddenly everyone wants to know when there will be a little NOLA Gurl/Guy walking around.  Okay, new people asking, I don't care.  People who have asked repeatedly and KNOW that I've had some issues shut the f**k up!  You don't seem concerned, you are badgering me and my husband.   Someone being concerned says quietly (as in out of group conversation) "so, anything? *concerned eyes* (not pity, there is a difference)". I say no *shrug*, they say okay just checking.  That, that is OKAY.  Standing in a group of people (half of whom I do NOT know well) and LOUDLY saying, "so you knocked up yet?" makes me want to go on a murder spree. 

So since I am a tad moodier than usual (I hate being a girl :P) my responses may not have been nearly as polite as they usually are.  So now instead of letting morons make me feel bad or embarrassed about my "issues", I'm gonna embarrass them.

To that lovely person that KNOWS what I've been through who confronted me in a large group, my response was spot on.  I said "Um no, I am apparently defective.  Remember? *sips champagne*".  It seems, being confronted with harsh reality makes people uncomfortable.  You asked, I responded.  You can't deal with blunt truth, stop asking brazen questions.  What I've learned is that if you make them uncomfortable, they stop asking you questions that make you uncomfortable (usually) AND they don't offer the canned bull$hit "aw, honey it will happen" or "God will (insert miracle)" or "You know when we were trying to have (insert kids name), *goes into LONG story about conception that no one needs to know*".  I wasn't asking for support or advice...you asked me, I answered...that should be the end of it.  When you get real, they usually shut up and walk away.  If I would have brought it up, TOTALLY different.

Like I said, I don't care if people inquire, I'm not a heartless person.  I care if people are @$$e$ about it.  I am just tired of all the crap.  There are ways to ask me what's going on without making me feel second-rate or the center of UNWANTED attention (and pity...I hate the pity stares...I am fine people... really). 

So that's my story.  From now on @$$hole questions, get @$$hole answers.  And no, we don't know for sure what's up with us BUT that still isn't a reason for people to think it is okay to bombard me with VERY personal questions in a crowd or on FB.  We are fine.  I am not freaking out or depressed or anything actually.  If $hit don't happen, it don't happen.  End of story.  But when people start making a big deal about it, I start feeling inferior...bad about myself...less of a woman....something MUST be wrong with me...its really sucky man.  Anyway, if you want to know what's going on, ask me in private and don't post $hit on my Social Media, rude! 

Your momma failed you sugar

If you were never taught that saying "when are you expecting" or "how far along are you" or something of that nature is a big no no, she failed you.  NEVER...EVER assume a woman with a pooch is prego.  Unless you know with 100% certainty say nothing...it is safer.

Case in point.  I had on a dress (not even that tight but slightly fitted)...mind you as I've stated before...I am fairly small.  Not skinny but tiny none the less.  I heard a *ding*, someone at the front desk.  Well I was all alone and went to see who was here. 

Not a customer...not a vendor...some poor lost person who had no idea where they were.  I helped them with some directions and was ready to send them on their way when they decided it was time for a chat.  I was just finishing up the directions when this happened:

Person: Is that your first?
Me: *completely oblivious* *still writing* Hmmmm?  No people get lost around here all the time.
Person: No, I meant child *pointing at me*
Me: *slowly raises head* Ummmm what? *looking down* Yeeeeaaaa no...I just ate lunch...
Person:  *getting nervous* Oh I...I just assumed...I'm, I'm sorry...
Me:  *raised eyebrow* Soooo anyway, here are the directions...uh good luck
Person: *stumbling over words*  I'm really....I didn't mean...
Me: *sigh* Please just go.  Have a great day *fake smile*
Person: *dejectedly walking away because I didn't accept their lame apology*


I'm not normally rude BUT I refuse to be like "oh honey its okay...honest mistake." No!  You are a jerk!  You basically just called me fat because I had a pooch!  It wasn't like a f**king beer belly, it was literally just slightly distended because I'd just finished a bowl of f**king pasta.  It went away in like 20 minutes.  I didn't overeat, it just doesn't have anywhere to hide while digesting...I am not that f**king big.  On top of that, it's that time where my tummy is puffy anyways (have I mentioned I hate being female sometimes?!?!) so it was a little more exaggerated than normal.  That still gives you zero excuse for assuming there was a baby in there.  One, none of your f**king business...you literally just stumbled upon my office...I do not KNOW you!  Two, even if I did semi-know you...still none of your f**king business UNLESS I tell you.  Just saying.  Quit being rude!

Ok no problem...wait...did she just call me old?!?

This is a rant, you have been warned!

While I am fully aware that I am not 20, I am also fully aware I don't look my age.  I get mistaken all the time for being much younger which is fine, it doesn't bother me.  I attribute this to wearing a ton of sunscreen and only wearing makeup for special times (not daily), oh and good genes (thanks mom and dad).  It also helps that I am small-ish, I guess. 

With that said I don't like shopping in the "women's department" at most stores.  Misses/Juniors (yes I still shop there sometimes)/trendy.  I will go nude before I put on mom jeans and a weird fitted floral patterned t-shirt.  I do tend to buy things that aren't OVERLY trendy so they usually last a couple seasons without looking completely dated.  Well I cleaned out my closet the other day and decided I'd try out one of those second hand stores that buys your old (gently used) clothes back from you (versus just dropping it all at Goodwill). 

I take very good care of my clothing so most still looks new and its not like Walmart brand, they are nice (mostly trendy) clothes.  I brought a sack of crap to one of these stores and they were all "oh wow, okay give us a couple hours as we have a lot of peeps in front of you".  So I did.  And when I went back this tween with an attitude handed me my sack of crap back and said (with mock sweetness) "oh sorry, I didn't see anything we could buy." That was fine, I don't mind that.  But she didn't stop there.  No, then she said "it's just the brands are kind of *whispers* old." I am distracted "yea, ok. yea, whatever" thinking its because the styles are a couple years old and because I have two more stops to make before I go home.  Then it hit me.  Wait...what?!?  What you mean the styles are "old"?!?  She said "well we cater to a VERY young crowd and they don't wear THOSE brands."  So I looked in the bag making sure it wasn't the one I was supposed to bring to Goodwill (those clothes, I can understand them not taking) but no it was the correct bag.  And you know I am not one to cause a scene but come on.  So I pulled out a BCBG dress, that I've worn twice and said "Are you serious?  You are telling me BCBG isn't good enough for your store...?"  She retracted and said "oh no, we don't take semi-formal/formal attire anymore". Um you couldn't have said that FIRST?!?  So I dug further and pulled out an adorable Guess Romper *raised eyebrow* "Guess isn't good enough then?" She started stumbling over herself.  So I asked, "did you even look in the bag?" *stuttering*. 

Then her manager (maybe) walked up and was sweet as sugar saying "we aren't really accepting ANY women's clothing, we are stocked (pointing at a sign that was WAY above my point of view). But men's clothing and accessories, those we need." That is 100% fine with me and I said so but I was irritated with the way it was handled.  Why couldn't that little girl say "sorry we aren't taking women's clothing at the moment" that is polite, instead of insulting me (because lets be real, you only say that if you are trying to be an @$$), saying my "style" was too old.  I have a feeling they really didn't look in the bag because of the way I was dressed when I walked in.  I was dressed for work which does have an "older" style, because ya know I have restrictions on what I can wear and whatnot. 

I was just flabbergasted at the way it was handled.  Kudos to the manager for trying to make it better but they lost a customer.  I used to shop there and I can tell you with 100% certainty I will never step foot in there again (and yes I did politely voice that before I left).  There are ways to handle customers without putting them down.  Being a brand snob or judging someone on their appearance is not really how it should be handled.  Maybe I should try one of the national chains and see if they are more professional.  Actually I think I am just going to use the online ones Poshmark, Tradesy, Thread-up, etc. 

My "unoccupied" uterus is NOT up for discussion

Seriously though...why is this a thing?  Why do people think it is okay to ask women insanely personal questions?  And I am not talking family and close friends...I am talking about people who are basically strangers.  No one asks my husband this stuff!

I don't mind being asked, do you have kids or are y'all planning on having kids.  That is fine.  I am talking about the grilling you get after you answer those questions.  Usually my end of the convo continues like this...

No we don't have kids.
Because it hasn't happened yet.

Yes, I want kids.  
No, nothing is "wrong" with me.  (WTF is wrong with YOU?)
Have I been....tested *raised eyebrow*?  My medical history is off limits.
Why does it have to be a problem with me?
Did you really just ask me if my husband's sperm was "good"?  (guess I "asked" for that one)  I should start replying to this one with, "*pondering* it tastes different depending on what he eats"
Yes, I know how to count days
No, I am not telling you when I usually ovulate!
Yes I know I am in my thirties.
Yes, I know I am not getting any younger.
My drinking/eating habits really aren't up for discussion

No, I will NOT stop working out.  That is stupid and the opposite of what the doctor says.
Yes, we've considered artificial methods but really don't want to go broke
Yes, I know we could get a loan but...why...?
OMG there is nothing wrong with adoption...and yes I am aware they wont be "blood related"
Um thanks for the prayers...stop...stop holding my hands and gazing into my eyes *creepy*
No I am not stressing out...if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen
Really I am fine...please stop touching me
Why are you discussing MY reproductive system with another person?!?
Oh please don't give me that "pity" look, seriously I am fine
No, I wouldn't do "anything" to have a child...I am not going crazy over this...please stop.

I just feel like these are rather personal things that not everyone should think they are allowed to ask about.   It's bad enough when family starts on you I really don't need that guy I meet with twice a year asking if my Uterus is "occupied" yet.  RUDE! I swear pretty soon I am going to start saying "No, we don't want kids" which I am sure will get me a different plethora of inappropriate questions/comments.   

You are the reason we can't have nice things!

People...are...so...stupid! Sorry but while individuals can be intelligent, people en masse are morons. This makes me stabby!

This isn't about work, it is shockingly about...Dogs.  Yea, I said dogs!  If you know anything about me you know I love animals.  I love all dogs big and small.  I get REALLY angry when people judge a dog just because he/she is of a certain breed.  But that doesn't mean I think you should be a careless pet owner to "prove" your "aggressive" dog is actually an angel. 

My convict (who is considered an aggressive breed) is a big baby.  He is a loveable, snuggable, sweetheart (with a bad rep).  Don't get me wrong he will protect me, my husband and the other animals in a flash, we are his pack.  He loves going for walks.  As a precaution he gets muzzled.  He is fine with it, well he hated it at first but he's very powerful and I don't want to take a chance that he gets the wrong vibe from someone/another dog because I wouldn't be able to stop him (unlikely but I don't like to tempt fate). 

So the other day, as I have been for the last couple weeks, I took Convict and Speedy on an early evening walk.  As we were heading down the street I noticed some neighbors outside (a lady and two very young kids), so I crossed the street (dog owner courtesy).  As I was passing I noticed their two pits hanging out on the front lawn.  I thought NOTHING of it.  I have big dogs, if they are out front they are tethered.  Suddenly I hear the pitter patter of dog nails on the sidewalk behind me.  *thinking* "$hit!".  The two pits have crossed the street and have blocked our path.  As I said before I don't judge breeds, had they been any other breed I would have had the same concern because I DON'T know these dogs.  And they were HUGE, not tall but solid, massive muscle.  Convict, thank God, seemed fine, ears up, tail wagging, whining.  Speedy was okay but clearly scared, ears back, tail down.  My neighbors adorable children (who used to ride their bikes next to me while I jogged) came to my rescue, meanwhile their mother (I guess) was on her cell going "oh $hit, oh $hit!" Her freaking out was NOT calming my nerves.  The dogs seemed very friendly but they wouldn't leave my dogs alone and were trying to get to me (not in a scary way, just curious).  My dogs were standing in front of me and moved when they moved... I was starting to get worried my dogs would go into "protect mommy" mode.  The two tiny tots were trying to manhandle their two dogs back across the street but these dogs were as big if not bigger than them so it wasn't really working, the male kept jerking away and hovering over Speedy and I was getting worried the kids would get in the crossfire of a dog fight...which by the way would have ended with my two fur babies in bad shape because they wouldn't have stood a chance!

The kids finally get a handle on them and said "go head lady, we got 'em".  So we start walking, *pitter patter* "f**k!"And they are back, still looked happy but come on!  Mom was still on her phone yelling for the dogs but doing NOTHING ELSE, "WTF!?!"  She disappears and gets her husband...I guess...and he basically just stands in his front yard yelling for the dogs.  Okay now I am getting ANGRY!  Stop being a lazy @$$ and come get your f**king dogs!  At this point they had followed me more than half a block.  This is when I realized one is a female and looks like she just had pups "$hit!!!!!"  The male was doing that "challenge" thing...I think it was playful but it scared the crap outta Speedy who went into protect momma mode (he is like 15 lbs btw) and started growling and snapping air, this triggered Convict who started growling (hackles up), now the pits are growling and I am about to cry, "so this is how it ends *sigh*".  FINALLY the older child yelled something, as I was forcefully saying "NO!" and pulling my two back.  It eventually broke the tension...all dogs started wagging their tails again.  The CHILDREN ended up leashing their dogs and going home.  I thanked them profusely and continued my walk. 

My point is the pits were great dogs.  They were insanely sweet and clearly loveable (like most of them are).  My problem was why tempt fate???  You never know what could trigger ANY dog.  Speedy being a prime example...hes a bleeding Hound mix and tried to scare off a pit that was 4 times his size!  Look, I don't care if you have a pitbull or a chihuahua, it shouldn't be off a leash outside of a fenced in yard or dog park!  I was attacked by a miniature poodle one day while jogging because the owner let him/her out front without a leash.  The f**king dog was biting my ankles...I had cuts and punctures!!! Had it been a larger dog...I don't even want to think about that. 

Just be responsible!  They already have a bad rep, why take the chance of proving people right???  Seriously, why.take.the.chance, especially with a bigger dog?  They may be perfect angels but they WILL protect their home and humans (pack) as they see needed.  And while they may love you to bits, they may not love me (or that kid on the bike) for whatever reason.  I should be able to walk around my neighborhood with or without my dogs and not have to worry about being attacked by another dog(s).  You want them out front?  Buy a lead, they are $10-$20 at Walmart. 

That is so NOT okay

We all have self confidence issues.  Well most of us do.  There are days where you can't bear to look at your reflection or just plain don't want to leave your house because you think you look bad or feel bad about yourself.  It is unfortunate but it happens to the best of us.  The flip side of that is when you start feeling better about yourself so your confidence soars to new heights and it is evident to everyone that you are happy.  I am not talking bi-polar mood swings just the normal we all get down in the dumps about our appearance, etc type stuff. 

What happens a lot of times though is you are on the upswing but you aren't quite back to your normal semi-confident self yet so you mask it.  I mask it by forcing myself to smile and have fun.  I personally don't think that is a bad thing but a shrink may disagree.  It actually helps me to get back on track faster.  Others mask it differently by putting others down and that is why I say "that is so NOT okay". 

Just because you feel down about yourself does not mean you have the right to put everyone else down.  Yea you might be on the "upswing" of your whatever but trying to make everyone else look bad is not okay.  So you started working out, good on you but that doesn't give you an open to make a snide comment about someone else's weight...not even in jest (and saying "no offense"doesn't negate what was said).  So you got a new electronic doohickey that everyone else has, awesome sauce, just because someone else has a different brand or version does not make yours/theirs better/worse.  They do the same effing thing...why is this now a competition.  You have problems at home...I am sorry...I really am but do not deflect your home issues onto everyone else in public.  Just because you want to have complete control of your sig other doesn't mean everyone else does...so when they are inquisitive it's not to be controlling...it's probably because they either didn't hear or are curious. 

But the worst...the absolute worst is putting down a child.  And don't tell me "I'm just kidding".  There are ways to be sarcastic and funny with kids where they know you are being sarcastic and funny and still love them to bits.  If a child looks at you like you ripped their heart out, they do not get the joke.  You just crushed them.  And honestly, if you would have spoken to me that way I probably wouldn't have laughed either.  Instinctively we pick up on underlying tones.  You can smile all day long but something in the tone of voice, in the glint of the eyes, hints that you aren't really joking.  In addition...who the eff calls a child or baby ugly?!?!?  What is so wrong in your life that you have to say something that horrible?!?!  Yea it may not have been said to their face but what is the point of even voicing that thought.  Saying a child is bratty...okay I get that I guess but flat out saying an innocent baby is ugly...what is wrong with you?!?!

Sure some kids are traditionally cuter than others but come on!  I don't think I have ever looked at a child and thought "ugly".

It is not in my nature.  I tend to see beauty in everyone.  Not kidding, I have always been this way which is why people always said I dated "below my standards" or was "too pretty" to be friends with some.  It is because I saw past everything our society says is "unattractive".  It is obvious these persons are going through something and are lashing out.  Yes they may tell us about all the wonderful things happening to them and complain about the mundane stuff but clearly something else is going on.  We are well out of our uninformed youth, being mean/a bully to anyone, much less a child, is uncalled for 100% of the time. 

Truthfully, I don't think some people realize what they are doing.  It is like a defense mechanism but that still isn't an excuse.  And responding with "I am not apologizing for being me" doesn't wipe the slate clean either.  You can be you without crushing someone else.  It concerns me how oblivious people are about their actions.  What if something you said or did because you felt bad about yourself pushed someone over the edge?!?  How would you feel knowing your "joking" caused someone to choose anorexia or to otherwise hurt themselves?!?!  It happens, I witnessed it first hand.  Uncles "joking" with their niece about her weight because she was ever so slightly bigger than the other kids.  She almost died!  She nearly starved herself to death!!! It was flipping baby fat you assholes!  Was I the only one that saw past the "unattractive" body type of a CHILD???  Because of you she damaged her body and mind!

**NOTE** I am not talking about goodhearted joking amongst friends/family.  I am talking about the words in jest laced with venom said for no apparent reason. 

These aren't my images, I google searched them to make a point.

Shut up! Just shut up, shut up, shut up, shuttity up-up-up!!!

I think you should listen to the Doctor, it could save your life...from angry me!

Remember that opinion thing...everyone is entitled to one but just because you have one doesn't mean you should voice it.  Yea I need this printed on a note card so I can slam it into people's faces when they have a stupid because I had more than one person (actually 4 to be exact) over the course of a week say something about "pet owners" and I almost lost my $hit.

Let me learn you something.  Just because you don't like animals OR certain kinds of animals doesn't mean they are "bad".  This isn't about "viscous breeds" either.  This is about all animals...mainly CATS!  Yes, cats are @$$holes.  No really, you correct them and they look at you like "biotch please".  But just because someone has cats doesn't mean A) they jump on the counter willy nilly 2) they are on said counter during food prep and C) or 3) all our food products contain cat fur!

Just because you have seen on TV that crazy people horde cats (and dogs) and live in filth or let their cats do whatever does NOT mean all animal owners are like this.  My cats are so scared to jump on the counter because they have been sprayed or had things thrown at them.  I am not dumb, when I am not there it is possible they get up on the counters but that just means I am more diligent about cleaning the counters. Its called a Clorox wipe and they get used frequently in my house. Seriously though, saying "I found out she had a cat and I immediately thought, 'oh God I am eating cat fur'" makes you sound like an idiot and it's rude.  Owning a pet does not mean filth! Do you know how hard it was for me to NOT respond to this.  Just smile and nod, smile and nod, don't be a bitch, whooosa, 1...2...3. 

I think my fav moment happened a few moments ago when someone was bitching about this exact thing for the fourth time in just a few days.  I was done.  The first I just ignored and shrugged and let it go.  This person though really pushed a button....so I waited till they were ooing and ahhhing about my baked goods, then I said "FYI, I should mention I have a cat...actually 2 but don't worry I only let them lick the spoon once while I was cooking".  This got me a horrified look and a lecture about allergies and how "that's not funny, I could die." Yea yea yea, well you haven't yet and I've been baking gifts for at least 8 years.  Therefore, I clearly keep a clean household, you haven't eaten a cat fur yet, so stop stereotyping cat owners!

My point is its effing Christmas, stop being a jerk! You know (everyone knows!) I am an avid animal lover so quit bad mouthing people who have pets because I am sitting right here @$$hole and no matter what you say I am taking it as being directed at me.  Ungrateful *grumble grumble grumble*, maybe I just wont bake gifts for you next year.  Only for people who seem to appreciate it :P

**UPDATE** I am very aware of how bad cat allergies can be, that is why I am so cautious.  I am not insensitive to allergies, much the opposite but I am fed up with people being jerks.