I'm starting to think you like getting bathed in oil

So my adventures in gardening include bugs trying to destroy all my hard work.  I don't like hard core pesticides so I try natural oils and stuff but these M**her F**kers will not die!  They are white flies and are pissing me OFF!

Everytime I cut some rosemary for cooking or water my plants, I am swarmed by a cloud of tiny white flies.  

I started using neem oil and its helping but the infestation is bad.  So I read where people buy these sticky fly trap things you can stick in the ground around the infested plants.  

People who use them said if any beneficial pollinators get stuck, use a little veggie oil to gently unstick them.  Cool cool, I'm at my wits end!

So to start I put 4 around the worst plants.  They are like the size of the palm of my hand.  I went inside for a bit to cool off and clean a little. When I came back out I had caught something...a F**KING LIZARD!

Bruh, WTAF!  Well I hope the oil works.  So I put a little oil on the sticky pad and carefully peeled Mr Lizard off.  He was surprisingly still and when he was free he hopped on my thumb and stared at me.  

When I put him close to a plant...he ran up my arm and perched on my shoulder. 

He hung out on my shoulder while I repositioned the sticky pad and pulled some weeds.  He jumped off when I went to stand and I told my very shiny friend to stay off the stickies!

I'm the f**king Disney Princess of reptiles. 

Later in the evening we watered the lawn and gardens then went to store to get something for dinner.  When we came back ALL FOUR sticky pads had a reptile on them.

Seriously guys! So I got my oil and went to work de-sticking my reptilian friends.  I had 2 lizards, a gecko, and a skink.  The lizards & Gecko were very chill.  The skink slithers like a snake with legs and kept getting himself restuck!

Around midnight I let the pups out and another f**kng lizard was stuck.  

The next day nothing, whew.  But that night a f**king skink. 

I'm really starting to think you all like being oiled!

The following day one of the sticky pads was missing...so I don't know if a rat, cat, opossum, or what got stuck but maybe that will keep them from coming back. 

It's been about a week and no more lizards, geckos or skinks but a TON of white flies. 

I can't believe...What year is it?!

So way back in the recesses of 2014, I posted about makeup BS at work.  I work for a new company now...I work FROM HOME...not to mention its 2022 and this came up...AGAIN!

On a "zoom" call TWO YEARS post global pandemic...where people have been working from home and zooming has become more normalized.  I had someone make a comment on my "makeupless" face.  

It was a 7AM call that I wasn't even supposed to be on.  I don't generally log in until 8AM so there was no reason for me to be "made up" at that time.  But since I was "summoned" I logged in to do whatever.  About 10 people didn't have cameras on so I didn't feel bad.  

Well because some 60 year old (not being an @$$hole, they really are 60) decided we all had to have cameras on, so I did.  Then he...YES HE...proceeded to call me out on a call with 25+ people about having no makeup on.  

I was so flabbergasted I didn't even know what to say at first.  One, I wasn't even supposed to be logged on! Two, Rude! Three, 100% something I do not need to wear.  So I said as professionally as possible, f**k off, and the meeting continued.  Then, he proceeds to make $hit comments the rest of the meeting.  

Rather than publically be a jerk, because I know that's what he wanted, I just ignored him and rolled my eyes.  Mind you it wasn't all on me.  He was making comments about others.  Look we weren't frumpy or homeless looking.  I had on a nice shirt, hair fixed, and lipgloss.  Just not a full face of makeup. 

So after some consideration, it was decided to make a formal complaint to HR. Basically stating when he has to wear makeup everyday, I'll consider it.  He was removed from the meetings I was on and no one told me I have to wear makeup.  I still think more should have happened but whatever. 

Rant over. But seriously mind your own business.  I have sensitive skin and I don't like makeup everyday.  Also, NOT IN THE HANDBOOK and NOT REQUIRED you sexist @$$hat. 

I don't want to hear your noise pollution!

Pet Peeve...people watching videos/listening to music in public/while with other people WITHOUT HEADPHONES!

Look I like me a good Tik Tok video or Reel or whatever but if I am in the presence of others and not sharing what I am looking at, I have my earbuds in! (or wait til later)

It drives me BONKERS when people just blast whatever is on their phone at top volume.  No lie, I was on a flight recently and someone behind us was watching some TV show, complete with laugh track, without headphones.  It was clearly annoying everyone around her so the flight attendant asked her to please use headphones.  She said she didn't have any so the attendant said "then please lower the volume or turn it off".  STG she responded "But it's family friendly! What's the big deal?"  

Come on!  Read, look at memes, take a nap, BORROW SOME HEADPHONES!  I don't want to hear what you are listening to while on a long flight!  Even the 8 year old next to me had the kindness to use his headphones!

With that said, if you are at a family function, sitting in the family room, with a bunch of family/friends.....get off the phone for god's sake!  That's rude, right?!?   Am I the only one annoyed by that?!?  I know I'm getting older but even my young nieces/nephews wouldn't sit on their devices blaring videos while everyone else is talking or watching a TV Show or Movie.  

I just don't get it.  Like I'll watch a video here and there but its like one, low volume and I'm usually about to share it with whomever.  

I mean I guess it's "rude" to sit in a full room with headphones on but I'd rather that than Jack @$$ and the gang at full volume. 

We have a 2319!!!!

So me and wildlife are at odds.  I enjoy nature and have a respect for all creatures but can they just stay out of my yard?!?!

Speedy has been hell bent on investigating our pressure washer.  It's just an old washer that doesn't even work.  Honestly we need to junk it.  Well I now know why!  I couldn't find him one night around 12-ish and lil bit came running all nervous.  

He had caught ANOTHER opossum!!! It was mid-sized and not moving.  I managed to drag him away and throw him inside before going back with a flashlight.  

When I got semi-close, I saw it was breathing but before I could get closer I heard a bunch of yelling inside.  I went a running and discovered my Speedy spazing out and rubbing his face all over the sofa & carpet and sneezing.  He was full of drool but otherwise seemed fine.  

I went check the tiny invader again.  I poked it with a stick, it hissed and looked at me.  That's when I saw them.  This creature was INFESTED with fleas!!!! I could see them running all across its face.

I sprinted back inside to see Speedy yet again rubbing at his face.  I yelled FLEAS!!!!

Mind you the dogs and cat are treated and so is the yard but again opossum was INFESTED!

I grabbed his face and saw one run under his eye. 

He got a midnight bath.  I let the flea shampoo sit on him.  They were fleeing in the bubbles. 15 fleas (that I counted) came off of him!!!  

After him, lil bit got bathed because...well she was with him.  I counted 8 on her *screaming*.

Hubs was midnight vacuuming...everything. 

The next day they were itching.  I used a flea comb and pulled numerous fleas off of BOTH OF THEM. 

More baths!!!!!!!!!

We treated the yard AGAIN. And I "flea bombed" the house.  

They must have had 3 baths each and each time MORE FLEAS. 

It took a good week for no more fleas to show on the pups and me not to feel like things were crawling on me all the time.  

Some things never change

So I am not unfamiliar with the "friendzone".  I have unfortunately dealt with more than my share of offended masculinity.  

With that said, I have been "friendzoned" by guys if that's what you want to call it but I wasn't....it was different.  Did it suck if I had a crush and they didn't reciprocate? Yes a little but I was also aware...weird...whatever enough to not get mad about it.  99% of the time I ended up insanely good friends with these people and their sig others.  

But when guys I knew were "friendzoned" they got offended.  I can't tell you how many "friends" I thought I had that were 100% only trying to f**king win me or even better...sleep with me.  Gross....can we think with the brain and not the pee pee for one sec.  Also I am aware that there are some girls who are the same.  They play the long game to "get the guy".  Seriously we need to evolve a bit more...  

Either way you slice it saying you were "friendzoned" is such a dick thing to say.  Being a jack@$$ to someone who doesn't share the same feelings for you is so primitive.  It sucks but come on.  You can't tell me the proper response to "I see you as a friend" is to call someone a whore or an @$$hole.  NO!  

Being a friend is not necessarily a bad thing.  Being a friend is sometimes one of the best things to happen.  I know the friend thing doesn't always work or isn't easy when unreciprocated feelings are involved but sometimes those end up being the best friendships once you get past those pesky emotions.  Because being a friend doesn't mean there aren't any feelings, it doesn't mean someone doesn't love or care for you, they just don't share that special attraction.  

Where did this come from?  

While out walking today, I overheard the below:

Guy 1: dude…come on…

Guy 2: what…? She sucks, okay!

Guy 1: man…that’s called the friend zone!!!

Guy 2: Wait, what? okay…and…?

Guy 1:  and..? And!? And it’s a BAD THING! That’s like a funeral for your d**k! 

Girl: ummmm y’all are both @$$holes and it’s clear why your in “that” zone 

I mean good on the girl for calling them out but how crappy that a young 20 something had to call out two other ADULTS for being buttheads.  

Massacre at mile 11

I have always been worried about the horror stories you hear about running.  You are putting your body through quite a lot so you never know when that b**ch might rebel. 

I've had minor issues before, but for the most part it's been things I can deal with.  

My last half was brutal.  Since there's still COVID around I 100% thought it would be canceled or postponed.  Which means in my brain I wasn't nearly as motivated to train.  I trained up to 10 miles but I reached that 6 weeks prior to the race and then did jack $hit.  

I knew it would be difficult.  I mean I knew I could finish it but I would not be feeling great by the end...  

But I pushed myself because I was cold and stubborn.  I was doing great but I hit a bit of a wall at mile 8.75-ish.  Like my legs felt like lead. 

I walked for a while hoping it would pass but every time I ran, LEAD LEGS.  

I drank water & powerade, ate some gummies and Gu.  Nothing was helping.  Then as I was coming around a bend there was beer.  I don't like to take drinks from strangers, especially during a pandemic but I was desperate.    

It worked.  I mean I wasn't running like the flash but I wasn't dragging @$$ as much.  I know there is some science-y explanation but I am just going with beer good.  

I thought I got this!  I looked at my watch and thought, "OMG, if I keep this pace I could match last year's time" which would be impressive without much training.  

WHY DID I EVEN THINK THAT?!?!

The Universe

As I was pushing through mile 11 it happened.  

THIS IS 100% TMI...READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

I was past the last water station...no more potties until the finish line.  I have never in my LIFE been more thankful for black pants.  I couldn't stop....so I ran as best as I could.  I needed to finish.  I needed to be done.  I needed a SHOWER!

I know what you are probably thinking happened BUT it wasn't that....it was more girly....If you haven't figured it out I was suddenly bleeding...A LOT.

I was that commercial.  They 100% could put me running a half marathon with the caption of "where will you be when the gush happens".   I was hurting, tired, and feeling sooooooo gross.  But I finished. By God I FINISHED!

Have I mentioned I really hate being a girl sometimes.

That Sir, is not a toy!

So my Speedy, oh Speedy has a fondness for proving to me he is in fact a hunting dog, even if he is scared of his own shadow.  

The other night I was trying to go to bed early because I had a race the next morning, which meant I decided at 9:30 it was a wonderful time to clean my house.

Around 10:40 I let the pups out to potty before bed and went about finishing my cleaning.  As I walked to throw something away I happened to look into the yard.  All I saw were two dog butts poking out of the bushes and wiggling.  

I opened the door and just before I can hollar, Speedy yeets something furry out of the shrubbery.

Now I'm running and he is pouncing on whatever it is, when little bit comes trotting out gently holding something else furry in her mouth.

So I start yelling.  She drops it and comes to me, "good dog".  He on the other hand is circling his "kill".  I am freaking out not knowing what they caught, but as I got closer .......

It was a GIANT F**KING OPOSSUM and its baby.  

No really, it was HUGE!  Speedy is literally tossing a 20 lb opossum around like a rag doll as lil bit ran around in panicked circles and I yelled for him to drop it.  

Everytime he starts to go towards the door, he doubles back and pokes it with his nose, like he's trying to get it to move.  Finally someone hears me and comes outside to tell me to stop yelling like a crazy person before going "HOLY $HIT!"  Yes, I know, help me!

So I am standing over something like this....but WAY bigger....covered in dog drool....

....an ugly stinky marsupial with freakishly sharp teeth and its baby...playing possum...trying to keep my dog from murdering it further.

We finally get Speedy to leave his "kill" and go inside.  During the commotion the baby waddled off but momma was not moving.

So we poked it with a stick and it hissed "whoo hoo it's alive".

When we got inside we checked out the pups for bites/scratches (all good) and realized he smelled AWFUL!  I didn't really know opossums smelled funky but I guess that makes sense.  

It's like this musky, dirt smell.  

So at like 11:30 Speedy got a shower and we got maybe 5 hours of sleep.

I will never understand humanity/group think

Why oh why can't people just LISTEN!?!  I've been MIA because I don't know what to say.  But now as the $hit is literally hitting the fan, I don't know what to do with myself.

I am scared, honest to God scared.  This is serious and there are f**ktards out there still going on Spring Break, Still having parties, still pretending things are okay. Well newsflash they ARE NOT OKAY.   

COVID-19 is not a joke.  I've made my fair share of jokes but I 100% believe this is serious.   And now we are under lockdown.  Mainly because people can't freaking listen.  Our hospitals are basically overwhelmed.  And while it is possible I would be fine if I caught it, people I love may not be.  I am scared for my friends and family in medical.  For my family and friends who are older.  For my family and friends who are high risk.  I am scared!

And not to cause any additional panic but so should you!  Regardless of your beliefs, political or otherwise...I can't believe the government would intentionally tank the economy for something that isn't serious.  Whole Industries are disappearing overnight.  People are being laid off.  People are losing their sources of income.  People are DYING! And what are the masses doing?  Hoarding f**king Toilet Paper and tampons!!!!

This is a rambling jumble of thoughts but I am at a loss.  I am scared and I hate it.  I don't want my parents going to the store for fear they will DIE!  Do you idiots out there understand that???  Gen Z or whatever the college age people are who still went on spring break.  Or what about those "rich folks" from infected areas who went to their vacation homes and spread the virus to remote areas.  Or those parents who see school being out as a time to go on vacay. STOP THE INSANITY!

I'm going to bed now.  I'm going to try to sleep.  But I don't know if I will because all I can f**king think about is me and/or my husband losing our jobs because MY ENTIRE F**KING STATE IS LOCKED DOWN!

Can't we use some common sense???
Stop hoarding $hit!
STAY THE F**K HOME! 
If you just buy what you would normally buy, there would be no empty shelves. 
Flatten the f**king curve!
Seriously, why the hell do you need 200 rolls of TP????  This virus doesn't make you $hit yourself to death! 
Wash your hands! 
You know if I can't buy soap/hand sani that makes you more vulnerable because I can't be as clean....STOP HOARDING!
Don't touch your face! 
No one needs 32 loaves of bread, come on people!!!!
Did I mention STAY THE F**K HOME!

Yo, that ain't Mickey

So I went from living in a re-purposed swamp (suburb of a suburb) to a suburb.  Anyways, I've had just as much if not more Wildlife at the new place...WTF?!

Its because I live near a canal...has to be...right?!  We've had all sorts of interesting critters *yay*.  I don't mind really except my dogs try to play with them and then I start yelling like a banshee and its just not good!

So the other night we had a low key BBQ and hung out.  Around midnight I went outside to close the grill and let the pups tee tee before bed.  As I was reaching for the grill handle in my blissfully buzzed state I noticed eyes...

then brown/gray fur...

then a tail...

just below the grate....

my brain put it together very slowly okay (beer is good, yea). 

Not my pic but something like this was in my grill

I didn't freak out, I just said "um, hello there Ratatouille". 

It was frozen staring at me breathing super fast. 

"Sweetie...there seems to be a terrified mouse taking refuge in our grill".  He responded "just close it, he'll go away".  What?!?

I got the pups who didn't seem know where it was and backed up to the door.  I didn't want it to try to run inside.  About 10 min later I am getting ready for bed and hear chaos outside, hmmmm. 

He tried to "kill" it...it went under our slab...GREAT!

The next morning I was greeted by a rather large intact male tom cat.  We do not have a male cat or an outside cat for that matter.  He is gray...with white paws and a white chest.  "Ummmm hello....". 

He jumped up on our bench and demanded scritches.  He looks healthy so I am guessing a neighbors kitty.   He went to the "hole" where the mouse disappeared *hmmm*. 

So yea, its not Ratatouille...I am 99% certain the real life Tom & Jerry have claimed my yard.  Tom tried to come in (not happening).  So we made an arrangement.  He can hang out by my house and I will give him scritches if he catches and kills Jerry.  He said "re-owwwwwww" and nibbled my arm.  I think that means deal.  It might mean "feed me b**ch I'm hungry" but I'm choosing to believe we have an understanding.