I do not miss people

I know this pandemic has been difficult.  Kids were ripped away from their friends and some people left their offices one day not realizing they wouldn't return for months. And obviously the worst...people died or have debilitating issues because of COVID. 

It's been...weird for us all.  People talk about missing that human contact.  Now I am not anti social.  Actually I am very social so not being out and about to me has been downright awful but I can say with 100% certainty I am fine with not being in an office environment. 

I had to venture in the other day for reasons and it made me realize I DO NOT MISS IT! 

You know why?  Because people are f**king gross! 

First of all I was hoping to be the only one there but I had company.  This person is someone I consider a friend and care about immensely. 

This particular day they made coffee for both of us (I brought my own but felt obligated to have 1 cup since they made it). 

This was by far the WORST cup of coffee I have had in quite some time.  I attributed it to it being a different brand...the water...it being weak...I dunno  But something didn't sit right.  It was REALLY bad and I ended up dumping it.  

I left for a meeting but ended up coming back before heading home.  I was the only one there ...hmmmm......so I went about closing up shop, so to say.  That's when I realized the kitchen hadn't been cleaned.  Coffee was still in the pot, grinds were in the basket and sugar spilled on the counter.  

I wasn't planning on coming back and my coworker doesn't come in everyday....soooooo that would have sat there for days....DaYs!!!!

Then it hit me.  Like a f**king freight train hit me.  

That's why the coffee tasted so bad!!!! Because the pot is never cleaned.  It sits there with cold stale coffee that probably molds. And the grinds sit & ferment...and probably mold in the basket for DAYS!!!  Lord knows the last time the water was purged from the tank.  

I am pretty sure I drank mold brewed coffee with a hit of sugar. 

I needed to cleanse my palette when I got home.  

Y'all Nasty!

I am so over people who have ZERO manners.  If there is one thing I need you parents (guardians, Awesome Aunties, etc) to teach your crotch goblins is to always cover their mouth/nose when they sneeze/cough!!! That way they become adults who always cover their mouth/nose when they sneeze/cough.

So far parents at this point are doing an awesome job.  All the littles I see as young as 3ish cover, use an elbow, down the shirt.  But alas the parents of the 70's & 80's you have FAILED US!

I have never seen so many 30, 40, and sometimes 50 somethings that just blow snot everywhere without a care of who is around.  WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?

We were in a place with lots and lots of people....kids and adults alike.  And its funk season, I know this.  But 90% the kiddies COVERED THEIR FACES WHEN sneezing or coughing.  Many adults did too but SOOOOO many over 30 year olds...some WAY OVER 30 year olds just shot their funk on everyone near by.

And now I know how the zombie apocalypse starts!

There I was standing in line...minding my own business when suddenly the guy in the line next to me full on sneeze coughed IN MY FACE!  Well the side of my face...STILL! Do you know what a sneeze cough is?  Let me enlighten you...its where you sneeze and cough at the same time spraying anything within 5 feet of you with snot and spit!

Without thinking I yelled ARE YOU Fffffff........I paused thankfully because children where there...and said SERIOUS?!?!!?!??!  He had the right of mind to look ashamed but still.  I told my husband loudly, I think I need to bathe in hand sanitizer....and I did.  In front of him and like 30 other people, I scrubbed down with peppermint scented hand sani...ahhh feel the burn!  The man in front of me asked me to share...and I did.  I think he got hit with some of the spray.  We couldn't go anywhere but wait out the line.  After I was out of line, I went to the bathroom and scrubbed my face and hair. 

Two days later (basic incubation period for a cold/virus) I started to feel a little sniffly.  Day three (the day we flew home) I was miserable and couldn't breath out of my nose.  Day four, my last day of vacay I had to miss an event and literally slept 90% of the day.  Here we are on day five.  I have a sinus funk, am exhausted, and sound like a f**king seal when I cough. 

Conclusion Thanks to some @$$hole I was next to in line the other day, I am pretty sure I have some sort of plague.  Guess I'll be going to the Doctor before my Christmas Party tomorrow...yay....

Yea, no my car doesn't smoke, thanks.....

Yo, you people that flick your lit cancer stick out the window going 80mph down the interstate can f**k off!  That is still LITTERING!  You shouldn't do that.  The local wildlife is holding up unsuspecting hikers looking for their next nicotine fix!

Sometimes I see them coming and they explode in a blast of embers on my windshield. 
Other times I see the flying smoke stick zooming past my window. 
And still other times I completely miss them. 

Anyway, as I was driving, suddenly, it looked like my f**king car was on fire! 

...wait....no...

Side Note - She is my freaking spirit animal.  I LOVED her!  I watched that show ALL THE TIME and still do when reruns are on!!!

Moving on.  There I was lala-ing along when traffic slowed in-front of me.  As I slowed down I noticed the front of my car...

OMG IS THAT SMOKE?!?!?! 
My car isn't that old...it should not be smoking! 
Is there a tiny fire????

So I kinda panicked for a sec.  I was so worried it would overheat and damage something. 

Weird...no lights or alarms are going off. 
Ugh what is that smell?!?!

I turned off the outside vent, what is that?!?!?!

*ew ew ew ew ew* Move people!  The exit is right there!!!!

My car could explode at any second, MOVE!

So I got off at the next exit and stopped at in the first parking lot I saw.  I popped the hood and walked to the front of my car. 

Odd the smoke isn't coming from under the hood. 

Then I saw the little cherry glowing in my grill *WTF*.  There was a f**king cigarette wedged in my front grill...STILL LIT!  It was only about half smoked...if that.  Basically someone lit it and then threw the f**king thing out the window.

You'd think going 80 down the Interstate would have blown it out or whatever.  But it was protected. 

When it hit my grill it bent in half and the lit end was inside, partially protected from the wind.  The "smell" was the slight charring of plastic, mixed with cigarette smoke coming in my A/C vent.  I pulled it out, stomped it, and threw it away.  I dumped a load of sanitizer in my hand and drove the rest of the way with the windows down because my car now smelled like @$$ baked in the sun. 

Flicking a butt out the window is still littering.  Its gross. Its dangerous to wildlife...AND TO OTHER DRIVERS.  If you are hell bent on smoking in your car...KEEP IT IN YOUR CAR!

Were you raised by animals?!?!?!

Wait...that's an insult to animals.  So like there is this almost epidemic happening with the Flu.  Everyone seems to be getting it.  So far I have been INSANELY lucky.  I am taking immune boosters just in case.  I don't care if they are proven, they make me feel better...placebo effect...whatever. 

Anyways, going out in public you run the risk of being infected.  Well I might not want to be sick but like hell I was missing Comic Con.  So I took my stuff and ventured out. 

For the most part I didn't hear anyone severely ill.  Here and there you would hear/see a sneeze/cough but nothing drastic.  But just in case I had my handy dandy false sense of clean (hand sanitizer) and was a little crazy with using it.  But I was touching things other, possibly sick, people touched so better safe than sorry, right.

Towards the end of our day at WWNOLA I was thinking out loud to my hubs how nice it was that there wasn't any OBVIOUSLY ill people.  Can someone slap me next time I make a stupid f**king comment like that?!?!  Because that is just BEGGING the universe to f**k with me. 

There I was walking down one of the many exhibitor aisles looking at all the fun stuff when I went through a "crossing".   Some man walking perpendicular to me full on coughed....INTO THE SIDE OF MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He didn't attempt to turn.  He didn't attempt to cover his mouth. 

Just hacked up a lung within 12 inches of my face.  He coughed so hard my hair blew in the "wind". 

And not just a *cough, cough*, it was like one of those "wet", I might have an infection, deep chest coughs. 

I was so grossed out I literally froze in place. 

Before I could freak out some other patron dressed as some creepy zombie looking thing smacked him on the back of his a head and said "what's wrong with you?!!?!?!".  He beelined it WITHOUT apologizing.  The zombie looked at me and said "that's how virus' spread" and walked off. 

I lost if laughing, like full belly laugh with giggles.  A ZOMBIE told me, that's how virus' are spread.  I don't know if he was trying to be funny but me and at least 3 other people who were nearby thought it was freaking hilarious. 

"How did the Zombie apocalypse start?", well you see some @$$hole went to Comic Con sick.  "Son of a B**ch!". 

I crack myself up.

Also, we are not talking like a kid or young person.  We are talking a GROWN @$$ MAN who should know to cough into his elbow!!!!

"waiter, there is a hair in my soup"

"Ma'am, its attached to your finger nail"

LINK

No...just no...JUST NO!  I feel like I have to state I really don't care what your fashion style is but this seems incredibly unsanitary.  There is a reason humans don't have hairy fingers...well evolution but can you imagine what would live in finger fur?!?!?!

Seriously give it a think...I'll wait....

Were these the progression of your thoughts...because they were mine the more I thought about it...

So I shouldn't stock pile Pantene...?

LINK

Now filed under things I didn't think I needed to know but recent events are making me think about!

I think the bigger question is...why?  I mean during a nuclear fall out the last thing on my mind is "gee I wish my hair was softer" but I do like to be able to brush it sooooo please explain.

"Conditioner can bind radioactive particles to your hair. "

Ah, okay...noted.

"Unlike shampoo, conditioners are meant to stay behind on your hair," Romanowski says. If the conditioner comes into contact with radioactive material, these sticky, oily compounds can gum radioactive dust into your hair, he says.

 "Radioactivity is like changing a diaper. You don't want it on you, but if you do get it on you, just wash it off and go on with your day."

Ewwwww so its like the poop from a bomb.  Got it.

A fallout shelter is best, but a basement may do in a pinch, Karam says. "If you see a flash, go inside right away," he says. It could save your life.

Well crap!  I live in a town that is technically BELOW sea level.  There are no such things as basements in these parts.... (also see, the water table is too high).

I walked into my own worst nightmare!

So I should be in my happy place.  We are moving closer to family and friends.  But I also get a glimpse into the lives of other people...and can I just say

People...PEOPLE!  When trying to sell your house I highly recommend CLEANING IT!  I don't even need immaculate but if I walk in and see food crusted on the stove burners....EWWWW!  Or just clutter.  So...much...CLUTTER.  Come on! At least put your $hit into a closet/cabinet.  Give me the illusion of clean.

Moving on.  So we've been to probably 20 houses in the last 2.5 weeks.  We've seen immaculate houses that are way too tiny and disgusting houses that are the perfect size but just EW and way outdated.

Then there was the nightmare house (not to be confused with the viral one with the mandatory tenant). LINK

As we are walking in "so this house just came on the market because the previous owner died..." I stopped walking. "...and the kids don't want it" *noticed I stopped walking*  "Not in the house...NOT in the house".  Okay lets go in. 

The first thing we notice is a weird odor.  Not bad just weird.  We were in the living room/den but we can't pinpoint it and just attribute it to closed up house.  We should have left at this point but we didn't.  Mind you based on the pics this house was cute.  Needed a little work but nothing more than painting really....

Oh how wrong we were.....

Here is a punch list of $hit:
- tried to go out back, the sliding glass door FELL OFF THE TRACK!!!! *$hit*
- More than half the lights won't come on
- We walk into the 1st bedroom and see a dead bug who shall not be named *eeeeeeee* and then another...and then another...*ahhhhhhhh*

- There are holes punched in the wall

We move on and hear hysterical giggling coming from the kitchen then, "NOLAGurl is gonna love this house"

- I turned the corner and see a literal Bug Who Shall Not Be Named GRAVEYARD.  They are covering the floor.  I am in f**king flip flops are you kidding me?!?!?!

- I looked down and realized I am surrounded. As we were walking in the almost dark, I didn't see them.  They are all over the place and I am about to lose my f**king $hit! 

- I darted into the master bedroom (less critters) but more holes...like fist holes...and dents.  Was there a MMA fight in here?!?!?

- There are tiles kicked out in the bathroom...seriously WTF happened here?!?!

We've made it this far, maybe we can get out another door so we don't have to trek back through the dead bugs........

- We get to the side door and open it.  The dirt outside is a foot higher than the bottom of the door...

- Our agent steps out and decides there is no other way out but to go back the way we came *wah*

- We carefully tread back through the bug grave and end up in the living room....we figured it out....there is GAS seeping out of the fireplace....we all but ran out the front door.

- At this point my agent realized a bug bit her while we were inside *we will have to amputate that foot* and my hubs realized he had a splinter *we will definitely have to amputate that!*

Our agent was mortified that we walked into that.  The house was listed as "VERY GOOD"  there was nothing close to GOOD about that place!  The hubs said he stopped counting bugs when he hit 50....when he hit 50!  FIFTY!!!!!  I'm gonna cry!

Conclusion: The man was sick and couldn't properly care for the house.  He passed and his kids got the estate.  They tried to split everything and got into multiple fights (holes in walls).  They realized the house was infested and bug bombed (yay) but didn't bother to come back and clean up the carnage (booo).

I couldn't consider living there.  I'd be paranoid about...THOSE BUGS... ALL.THE.TIME and what the f**k else could be living in that house?!?!?  If that many crawled out to die on the floor, what is decomposing in the walls?!?!  I am so grossed out!!!!!!!