Stop, Alto, Halt, Yo bro slow your roll!

I don't know why some older people feel like they are exempt from rules. 

I ride my bike, alot.  I run/walk alot.  I am stupidly cautious because I don't trust peeps. 

While I am riding/running in my neighborhood, I don't always stop at signs but I slow, I make sure no cars are coming.  But there are areas where I do not have a stop sign.  Now I still slow down at cross streets because again...I trust no one.  

I had an older woman blow through a stop sign going about 35 in a 20.  She didn't even try to stop.  I did NOT have a stop sign. I was paying attention and slammed on my bike brakes.  I popped off my seat and clanked my teeth together.  This b**ch had the nerve to roll down her window and yell at me.  

I'm sorry, you ran a stop sign and almost hit me.  She said "I'm a car and always have the right of way"

DA FUQ?!?!?!

Then like a day or two later I was LITERALLY run off the road.  An older woman in an oversized SUV wasn't paying attention (on her phone). As I turned right, she blew through a stop sign on the street I was turning onto.  I saw her at the last second and jerked my wheel to the right.  I hit the curb and fell off my bike.  SHE DIDN'T F**KING NOTICE!  She was so distracted she also jumped the curb about a foot in front of me, barely missing me and my bike.  

She never stopped.  Honestly if she would have hit me she wouldn't have noticed.  A man walking his dogs saw me and was like "OMG are you ok?!"  Thankfully I was since I fell in the grass but HOLY $HIT!

And this was in broad daylight!  You couldn't miss me or my hot pink tank!

I know drivers have always sucked but I swear more and more recently people are so incredibly reckless and are quick to blame anyone but their careless selves!!!!!!

I answer to no one!

I am nice.  The nice one.  Non confrontational. Generally level headed.  While I will not be a doormat, I pick my battles so to say. 

With that said most of the time I choose not to respond to dickheadery.  Most of the time I will just roll my eyes and ignore when people are clearly trying to pick a fight or being pig headed. 

The problem occurs when you push me too f**king far or catch me at a bad time.  The problem is I don't have to explain myself to ANYONE.  The problem is if you come at me aggressively because you think you are entitled to know where I am and who I am with. 

My husband is literally the only person who is entitled to that information and he NEVER pulls any cards on me.  Plus we tell each other our plans if we aren't going to be together.  Its a non-issue. 

A week or so ago I had a person we'll just say is close to me send me a very aggressive text.  It was after midnight, after an evening of fun.  When I say aggressive, I mean it was all CAPS, a paragraph of anger accusing me of basically being a hypocrite because I went out after not going out earlier in the week.  

I responded calmly at first. Then they doubled down and I kinda snapped.  I am sorry but you do not get to monopolize what I do and who I am with.  So I said so much as kindly as I could but it wasn't my normal niceness or my normal laissez faire attitude.  

Now I am the bad guy.  How does that make sense?!?!?  I am getting the silent treatment.  They are telling everyone they can how I am being a b**ch.  How I attacked them.  I am the bad guy because I finally had enough of the badgering because I dared to do something without their knowledge.   So I am trying to pretend I am oblivious to this because I don't want to give it legs to run on.  But its hella hard because I really want to call them out but I wont.  I wont because that is what they want.  So instead I will kill them with kindness and move on.  

I HATE DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo f**k that Guy....girl...@$$hole

 I am so over everything.  I went to a party (yay).  It was an early party and we had plans for after.  

On our way out... we get to our car...and someone had hit it. 

Not just a ding or scratch....like RIPPED THE FRONT BUMPER OFF and messed up the wheel.  

OF COURSE they didn't leave a note... that would be too kind.  

So now we are down a car, because while drivable its pulling hard to the right AND the bumper is dragging. 

Does this start over the 3 or is this one included with the other accident?!!?!?

I can't take anything else.  

We all paid to be here, no need to be a whale vagina

Okay okay its actually getting to the end of festival time because its about to be hella hot. But the last couple weeks have been one of the BIGGEST and most known.

The New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival!!!!!!!!!!

You see this insanity is two weekends.  It brings in HUGE musical acts from around the world and patrons from around the world.  Its INTENSE. But outside of the festival there are always hundreds of concerts all over the city from Tiny venues to the superdome.  Performers are everywhere and fans are ready to attend.  

I've not been to a concert since pre-covid.  I've been to festivals but not a concert (Garth doesn't count, that was a f**king Stadium!!!). 

So I attended a locally popular band who came in for Jazz Fest.  And can I tell you people...are still f**king AWFUL.  You forget how terrible people can be until you are in a crowd. 

We got there early to get a spot upfront (well like 2nd row of peeps, SUPER close).  It's a small venue and honestly there isn't a bad place to stand/sit in the house but we had "VIP" and got in early.  We made friends with everyone around us because we all know at some point you have to pee or get a drink and you want "help" keeping your spot while your partner runs off.  

It wasn't too bad.  Like no throwing elbows.  But right before the main act came on my "new friend" had to go pee so her husband who was a bigger guy was "holding" their spot.  I literally turned my head for two seconds and two chicks jumped in front of him *WTF*.  There wasn't alot of space, they just pushed in.  

So I put my foot out to keep them from standing in front of me because like hell I am giving up my spot when I've been here for 2 hours.  Wifey came back and was WTF??!!?  I pulled her next to me and was like nope you are still here ma'am.  Well then hubs had to pee so I did the RIDICULOUS straddle the area move.  Our "friends" were teasing me but all in good fun.  But Like I am legit 5'1"....my stance is not big.  But I made myself as "BIG" as possible and my new friends helped me keep the space.  OUT OF NO WHERE some chick comes be bopping up from the back.  Now I am 1000% non confrontational but come on.  

She straight up stepped on my foot and I said "No ma'am.  My husband is standing here."  She looked at me like I was crazy but the nice man behind me said "you dont look like her husband, go on git".  She was about to argue and he goes, "look, we've been here all night.  You want front row you get here early, move ON!".  And she left.  I was like OMG thank you!

As I am still straddling (don't think I was being an @$$, I literally was just trying to keep a small space for two persons) some chick stands literally in front of me.  Leans back INTO MY CROTCH and hands her friend (spot stealer #1 that stood in front of the couple next to me) a drink.  

My mouth got the best of me and I said "are you f**king kidding me????"  She is literally twice my size and probably 5'6"-ish, she looked at me like I grew a second head and said "what?".  I said "You are NOT standing there.  I've literally been here for 2 hours and you are straddling my f**king leg!!!"  She said "OMG bish chill, I'm going to the other side of my friend."  I said "cool fine, then move". And she did.  And I 100% know she had zero plans of doing so until I made a scene.  Because if you are moving along you say "omg excuse me just trying to get through".  She just stood on top of me and seemed perfectly comfy resting on my thigh/crotch.  There was ZERO room in front of me.  She was being a TW@T.

Anyways main act begins and its f**king amazing! We are all singing and bonding and having the best time.  When suddenly I feel tits...on my shoulder!  Like not the lady behind me who is literally my height.  Like someone taller so pressed up against me their tits are on TOP of my shoulder. Okay look I know I am at a concert and people will squish together but this felt different. 

So I turn my head and this chick straight up says "can i get in front of you for a few minutes."  

*you CANNOT be serious*. 

She is literally almost a foot taller than me...  So I said "hahaha...No...".  She seemed shocked I would deny her and was like lost for words.  Then said "well can I stay here?"  I said you need to ask the lady behind me.  And I STG she said "I don't want to she's mean".  And I was like "well yea I guess she is!" and turned around.  My friend next to me pushed her shoulder next to mine and screamed "HOLD THE LINE!" hahaha

Well the nice lady behind me was like "Um get the f**k B." and she was like "but I paid...just like you did". And the nice lady's husband goes "yea but you didn't get here 2 hours ago so move your @$$". 

So she backs up...and stands in front of a woman who is WAY shorter than me.  A complete stranger...as in someone who didn't know this tiny lady lost his $HIT on this chick.  It was EPIC!!!!  She went back further.  But the thing is she lost her original spot so she kept getting pushed further and further back by other irritated patrons.  And honestly I didn't feel bad for her at this point. 

The rest of the night was perfection. A few times someone had to go pee and the group collectively helped save their spot.  It was AMAZING. 

So here's my "question". Were we in the wrong for trying to save our spots???   Its not like we blocked off a giant area.  We all got there early and the couples never left together.  But these persons decided to get there late and jump in front.  Am I crazy or is that 1000% just f**king rude??!?!?!  Like if you like a band that much, get there early or stay in the back.  F**k it's one of my fav bands but if we got there 2 hours after the doors opened, I wouldn't think it was okay to stand in front of someone that had been there for hours.  

Karen in the Wild

So I was leaving to go to the store to drop off some donations for an animal rescue.  Well this truck was at the stop sign right behind me and waved me to go.  I looked both ways and started backing up.  This little silver car comes out of nowhere and BLOWS through the stop sign going towards the main road. She missed me *whew*

But I’m headed in the same direction and am right behind her.  She turn right, I turn right.  She turns left, I turn. She turns right, you guessed it…me too.  I was like she's going to think I am following, hahaha. Nah she probably doesn't realize it.  Well we are coming to a "stale" yellow light and as it turns red she guns it and blows through a red light.  Hmmm maybe she does see me.  Well I caught the light but as we get to another main road she is in the turning lane and I pull up behind her.  She turns and well so do I.  As we are trudging along, she sure as f**k turns into the same store I am going to!!!!

I'm like you have got to be kidding me.  So I turn in and park and get ready to get my donation bags out.  As I get out she starts yelling from 3 spots over and across the lane....I was like huh. She screams "YOU!!!" 

Who me?

Followed by, “I didn’t hit you. You didn’t have to follow me to prove a point. You are just going to give an old lady a heart attack” or something of that nature. More words..less coherent.  As she’s yelling her voice is getting louder and louder and more like screetchy.  You know what I mean.  Its like a frantic banshee. This whole scene is causing a lot of stares.  At this point I have said nothing because I am so confused why she still screaming at me.  

Finally, I was like whatever so I just opened my trunk and said “lady I have no idea what you are talking about I’m just here  to drop off the donations for the rescue”.  As I pull two black garbage bags from my trunk.

*crickets* *slow blink* then she aggreessivly huffs/screams...slams her door...she grabs her purse and storms inside. 

She clearly knew she did something wrong but it was just the universe having fun at her expense.  

Honestly if I thought a crazy person was following me...

1) I wouldn't have stopped

2) I would have called 911

3) I would NOT have started screaming

What if the person had a gun?!?!?! People are crazy, totally....but I am not one of them.  

Also don't run stop signs!!!

I can't believe...What year is it?!

So way back in the recesses of 2014, I posted about makeup BS at work.  I work for a new company now...I work FROM HOME...not to mention its 2022 and this came up...AGAIN!

On a "zoom" call TWO YEARS post global pandemic...where people have been working from home and zooming has become more normalized.  I had someone make a comment on my "makeupless" face.  

It was a 7AM call that I wasn't even supposed to be on.  I don't generally log in until 8AM so there was no reason for me to be "made up" at that time.  But since I was "summoned" I logged in to do whatever.  About 10 people didn't have cameras on so I didn't feel bad.  

Well because some 60 year old (not being an @$$hole, they really are 60) decided we all had to have cameras on, so I did.  Then he...YES HE...proceeded to call me out on a call with 25+ people about having no makeup on.  

I was so flabbergasted I didn't even know what to say at first.  One, I wasn't even supposed to be logged on! Two, Rude! Three, 100% something I do not need to wear.  So I said as professionally as possible, f**k off, and the meeting continued.  Then, he proceeds to make $hit comments the rest of the meeting.  

Rather than publically be a jerk, because I know that's what he wanted, I just ignored him and rolled my eyes.  Mind you it wasn't all on me.  He was making comments about others.  Look we weren't frumpy or homeless looking.  I had on a nice shirt, hair fixed, and lipgloss.  Just not a full face of makeup. 

So after some consideration, it was decided to make a formal complaint to HR. Basically stating when he has to wear makeup everyday, I'll consider it.  He was removed from the meetings I was on and no one told me I have to wear makeup.  I still think more should have happened but whatever. 

Rant over. But seriously mind your own business.  I have sensitive skin and I don't like makeup everyday.  Also, NOT IN THE HANDBOOK and NOT REQUIRED you sexist @$$hat. 

Is the plague over yet?

No, no it isn't!  You know how I know?!!?!  Because as careful as I have been, masks, vaccine, no big crowds.... I got it!!!!!!  And it wasn't because of my carelessness.  Nooooooo.

I, being responsible, got tested before Christmas because I had been exposed at work the week before.  I was negative.  But one of my lovely anti-pandemic (as in it is a scare tactic created by the Government and isn't real) family members came to a gathering KNOWING they had been exposed.  They tested +.  

Hubs started feeling bad first, then two days later me.  I was just going to quarantine and take it easy.  But my experience involved a STABBING headache.  Not just sinus pressure, a literal sporadic Ice Pick stabbing feeling behind my ear.  It got so bad I did a tele-doc appointment.  She wouldn't give me any Rxs without getting tested so I did and SHOCKING, it was +.  I ended up with multiple Rxs because well I was pretty sick at this point.  

Honestly the worst part for me was the Sinus Pressure.  It was SOOOOOO bad, I couldn't sleep.  Plus I had fever for 3 days.  I was fried!  Turns out the stabbing pain was probably something called Occipital Neuralgia.   And I can tell you with 100% certainty I would not wish it on my worst enemy.  I thought my brain was coming out of my ear. 

Thankfully the worst of it only lasted 5 days.  I'm still wonky, tired, and not 100% but it could have been 1000 times worse.  People who keep saying "Covid is just like a bad cold" as an excuse to be careless are PISSING ME OFF.  Because yes, that is a decent description but why the f**k would you want to get a really bad cold...KNOWINGLY?!!?!  

And honestly while I've had bad colds/Flus/sinus infections, this was different.  I am mostly recovered but I am still exhausted.  And I don't regret getting vaccinated.  Because I can't imagine how AWFUL it would have been had I not been vaccinated.  I know people not vaccinated and they got it way worse than me, like long lingering symptoms.  I'm not here to judge you if you don't want the vaccine I am just saying my experience.  I just really want to NEVER experience that again.  

Each day is better so hopefully that continues!

So like do I need to do a blood sacrifice or can I just light a candle?

I don't drive as much as I used to but holy crap other drivers are just as bad or possibly even worse!

The other night I was driving back to my temporary home very late.  It was dark and a little misty/humid but mostly a clear night. As I was approaching my exit I noticed a car weaving in and out of lanes a decent ways behind me.  I remember thinking, "what a moron!" as I pulled over into the exit lane.  The exit was backed up a bit so I was completely stopped.  I heard squealing tires and glanced up just in time to see a dark mass flying towards me.  It took a split second for my brain to process that the dark mass was in fact a car skidding sideways down the interstate and it was going to hit me.  All I could think was "oh $hit, this is gonna hurt".  I managed to kickstart my brain enough to cut the wheel towards the shoulder and gun it.  It all happened so quick but somehow the skidding car managed to regain control and missed me by mear millimeters.  She slowly went past me at about 5 mph and looked terrified.  I on the other had was wondering where the screaming was coming from and who $hit my pants. 

After I had a few sips of Whiskey and managed to finally get my heart rate below 150 bpm I began thinking.  She missed me by a HAIR!  Had I not managed to move the car ever so slightly to the shoulder I would have been CREAMED by a car flying sideways at about 70 MPH and I was at a complete stop.   

Exactly three days later in a steady rain I went to buy a last minute gift at lunch.  We are having our normal southern winter where it's either humid and 90 degrees or raining and 40 degrees.  It's super fun.  At least it's not snow/ice!  As I was driving in the RAIN, going the speed limit, I noticed some @$$hole tailing me.  I couldn't go anywhere but they insisted on just riding my @$$.  I couldn't see their headlights but could plainly see a giant Trump Flag & American flag flying above the roof.  Unfortunately they were also turning so they were tailing me into the shopping center.  When it opened to two lanes they gunned it passed me.  

They immediately lost control of their jeep, swerving into my lane. We were going maybe 30mph....I managed to slow down as I watched this jeep barely miss my front bumper, over-correct, and completely spin out.  

They ended up doing multiple doughnuts in the road and flying off into the grass.  Mind you there were other cars, signs, & posts everywhere, yet somehow this @$$hat managed to not hit anything.  The wheels rutted into the grass, yet again the lucky bastard didn't flip.  They were stuck but thankfully didn't hurt themselves or anyone else.  

In a few days I was almost clobbered twice by a reckless driver.  I feel like I should just stay home.  

Ya know Math just isn't for some people......

But those people maybe shouldn't work in the accounting or billing dept.....

Look I get it. I have besties who sometimes the numbers just don't click.  And its okay.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But when you work with money or better yet OTHER people's money, you should have a basic understanding of numbers. 

If you are AP or AR you should know that a number in parentheses is a negative.  A negative number...is a credit.  A credit should be SUBTRACTED from a total not added to it.  

You should also understand what "billing cycle" means.  And most times a billing cycle is billed AFTER the cycle ends.  So if say your billing cycle run from 11/11-12/10 and is due on the 1st of the following month.  That would mean they are due on 1/1....right?  Right.  This would also mean that the next billing cycle (12/11 - 1/10) would be due on 2/1, right? Right.  

So if you were me and got a bill for 11/11 - 12/10 AND 12/11 - 1/10 saying they are BOTH due on 1/1 you would have an issue, right?  How can you bill me for 12/11 - 1/10 when we are still in the middle of said billing cycle?!?!

Apparently that was confusing to the poor AR person I was speaking with.  He tried but he tried wrong.  He tried to make me feel stupid, tell me I needed to ADD the (12.66) to my total not SUBTRACT it, and mansplain how billing works.  That works never with me.  I was kind until he tried to make me feel dumb and spoke down to me.  

At that point I was not kind.  I didn't yell.  That isn't my style.  I started asking questions making him realize he was not in the right...to the point that he finally gave in and got his manager.  What was worse, that manager did the same thing, well he tried to.  Then when he realized I had a brain he told me to call in to customer loyalty tomorrow since it was clear my billing was incorrect and he didn't have the authority to pull the detail to actually help me.  

If you can't help someone that's okay BUT don't treat them like $hit, make them feel inferior, or speak down to them just to make yourself right.  That is crap customer service and you should not be in that position.  

Some things never change

So I am not unfamiliar with the "friendzone".  I have unfortunately dealt with more than my share of offended masculinity.  

With that said, I have been "friendzoned" by guys if that's what you want to call it but I wasn't....it was different.  Did it suck if I had a crush and they didn't reciprocate? Yes a little but I was also aware...weird...whatever enough to not get mad about it.  99% of the time I ended up insanely good friends with these people and their sig others.  

But when guys I knew were "friendzoned" they got offended.  I can't tell you how many "friends" I thought I had that were 100% only trying to f**king win me or even better...sleep with me.  Gross....can we think with the brain and not the pee pee for one sec.  Also I am aware that there are some girls who are the same.  They play the long game to "get the guy".  Seriously we need to evolve a bit more...  

Either way you slice it saying you were "friendzoned" is such a dick thing to say.  Being a jack@$$ to someone who doesn't share the same feelings for you is so primitive.  It sucks but come on.  You can't tell me the proper response to "I see you as a friend" is to call someone a whore or an @$$hole.  NO!  

Being a friend is not necessarily a bad thing.  Being a friend is sometimes one of the best things to happen.  I know the friend thing doesn't always work or isn't easy when unreciprocated feelings are involved but sometimes those end up being the best friendships once you get past those pesky emotions.  Because being a friend doesn't mean there aren't any feelings, it doesn't mean someone doesn't love or care for you, they just don't share that special attraction.  

Where did this come from?  

While out walking today, I overheard the below:

Guy 1: dude…come on…

Guy 2: what…? She sucks, okay!

Guy 1: man…that’s called the friend zone!!!

Guy 2: Wait, what? okay…and…?

Guy 1:  and..? And!? And it’s a BAD THING! That’s like a funeral for your d**k! 

Girl: ummmm y’all are both @$$holes and it’s clear why your in “that” zone 

I mean good on the girl for calling them out but how crappy that a young 20 something had to call out two other ADULTS for being buttheads.  

I am so not amused

While I appreciate that it is being noticed my hard work is paying off...I still don't like the lecherous...almost threatening "cat call". 

After leaving one of my weekly workout groups I had to stop at the grocery for din din.  

I don't wear anything scandalous but its a dance class, my clothes are fitted. 

Mind you I was fairly gross as its a high intensity class and I was starving so I was focused on get in and out ASAP. 

As I was walking to the door I heard someone yell something.  100% thinking not for me I ignored it.  Then I heard it louder so I turned my head.  This man, who looked like he could have been my father, said something and grabbed his crotch.  

OMG ew!  I couldn't make out what he said (Mask) but his eyes......Ooooogy.  AND HE GRABBED HIS CROTCH!!!!

I had a mask on but I know he heard me say "gross!". So I started walking again and he yelled, something else...it sounded almost angry... I half turned and he said, with his mask off,  "if you don't want people to appreciate your tight @$$ you shouldn't wear tight pants!"

I'm sorry, what f**king year is it?!?!  Who says that?!?! 1.) Just NO! and 2.) I'm small-ish, I look like I'm like 12 when I'm in workout clothes and a baseball hat and it was dark... you sir are a f**king predator.

I just about sprinted to the door and he said something else angrily and I'm pretty sure part of it involved the work C**T, but I didn't turn back. 

After I shopped, I asked one of the employees to walk me to my car because I know he saw what vehicle I got out of and I was honestly concerned.  Thankfully the store took me seriously and asked me what he looked like.  Maybe they'll check the cameras, maybe not but at least I was safely escorted to my car, just in case. 

But now I almost don't want to go there alone again.  This is a nice store in a nice area with mostly nice people.  And this cum stain has tarnished it for me because what if he is a threat....what if he would have or would act on his disgusting comments...what if someone else isn't as quick to get help.  I don't know.  This is the BS females deal with and I f**king hate it. 

You want to look and maybe even wink...whatever but the threatening aggressive comments....I hate people. 

I do not miss people

I know this pandemic has been difficult.  Kids were ripped away from their friends and some people left their offices one day not realizing they wouldn't return for months. And obviously the worst...people died or have debilitating issues because of COVID. 

It's been...weird for us all.  People talk about missing that human contact.  Now I am not anti social.  Actually I am very social so not being out and about to me has been downright awful but I can say with 100% certainty I am fine with not being in an office environment. 

I had to venture in the other day for reasons and it made me realize I DO NOT MISS IT! 

You know why?  Because people are f**king gross! 

First of all I was hoping to be the only one there but I had company.  This person is someone I consider a friend and care about immensely. 

This particular day they made coffee for both of us (I brought my own but felt obligated to have 1 cup since they made it). 

This was by far the WORST cup of coffee I have had in quite some time.  I attributed it to it being a different brand...the water...it being weak...I dunno  But something didn't sit right.  It was REALLY bad and I ended up dumping it.  

I left for a meeting but ended up coming back before heading home.  I was the only one there ...hmmmm......so I went about closing up shop, so to say.  That's when I realized the kitchen hadn't been cleaned.  Coffee was still in the pot, grinds were in the basket and sugar spilled on the counter.  

I wasn't planning on coming back and my coworker doesn't come in everyday....soooooo that would have sat there for days....DaYs!!!!

Then it hit me.  Like a f**king freight train hit me.  

That's why the coffee tasted so bad!!!! Because the pot is never cleaned.  It sits there with cold stale coffee that probably molds. And the grinds sit & ferment...and probably mold in the basket for DAYS!!!  Lord knows the last time the water was purged from the tank.  

I am pretty sure I drank mold brewed coffee with a hit of sugar. 

I needed to cleanse my palette when I got home.  

It's like a nest of vampires!

As I was cooking dinner, I noticed Thing 1 and Thing 2 rubbing their faces on something in the yard.

So I go out to investigate and see something white in the grass.  

That's about when the white blob was yeeted at me.

So my fearless "hunting" dogs caught another f**king opossum!  

I thought for 2 seconds it was one of the ones from the other night but no.  This one was not massive but also not small....it was somewhere in between....

Speedy not wanting to leave his prize is circling like a shark.  Lil bit went to the door when I screamed.

I dragged Speedy to the door and threw them inside.  I went back out with a flashlight.

That's when I saw the blood

Wait did he actually injured this one?!  So I knelt down and saw it was breathing *whew*.  Is it *whew*, I don't want it to suffer....

I came in to call animal control since its hurt and of course check my idiots for injuries.  Both are fine but neither have blood on them.

Went back out and it had moved a little but froze when it saw me.  I got closer and could see the blood was on its side by the back leg.  I don't think the dogs did it.  Speedy had it by its neck.  I got closer, it looked like holes...like maybe a BB gun or something.  F**king A, someone shot it!!!

Okay now I'm mad.  I am almost positive an injured opossum came into the yard because some dip$hit shot it!  

My dogs are acting on instinct to catch prey.  They are rough but generally don't injure or kill.  But a human shooting an animal in a residential area, come on.  I get they are "pests" to some but it was hurt.  If you are gonna be a dick at least finish the job.  I called back animal control and left that on the VM too. 

He/she is gone now, hopefully it's okay.  

The world is a dumpster fire...I mean Vampire...no I mean dumpster fire

And no place more like home *face palm*.

Innocent man killed by a cop.  Hold up...not just killed.  I mean, he was straight up murdered.  I know some people may not like to hear that but f**k... y'all it was bad...REALLY REALLY BAD.  Like Jesus H Christ, its 2020 right?!?  Why is this still happening?!??!  Have we not evolved enough to f**king NOT do this?  I know one bad egg but there have been quite a few bad eggs and now I'm worried about my cop friends that are legitimately good people....

Now the world is protesting because...are we not all HUMAN?!?!  Come on!  This is not acceptable, and it needs to stop (the killing & racism, not the protests). 

So tick another box off for Apocalyspe BINGO. 

So these protests I get and support, but holy $hit now I'm scared "Corona 2 - The Resurgence" is coming to a city near you in upcoming weeks.

Top that with a f**king Tropical Storm headed straight for LA and I mean June is starting off great...JUST GREAT!  So Cristobal decided it wanted to make history and be the earliest 3rd named storm on record so "yay, good for you". Its not a Katrina or Harvey but it looks to dump 10+ inches of rain on us, so I guess that's the flooding part of the Apocalypse. 

Now I see there is a football field sized "near Earth" asteroid floating around out there.  And while I know these are always out there, its 2020.  She'll probably just kick us while we are down and send a life ending rock hurdling into the Earth.  Except it won't end life just make it THAT much more f**ked up *ahhhhhhhh*.

Its cool, I mean we are already in June...OMG its only June....I feel like I've lived 10 years in 6 months...

Crap I almost forgot about the cannibal rats...because that doesn't sound terrifying....

Who clicked on a suspicious link? 
Did someone install Limewire???? 
Who dug up an old burial ground? 
One word, Jumanji! 
Clearly, the Earth's free trial of McAffe has expired, Good Luck and Godspeed. 

Time to go old school.

So we all died in 2012 and this is the final test before going up or down....right?!

2019 was...difficult for many.  Most were all happy it was coming to an end.  Thinking 2020 would be a great new start was naive at best.

Like 3 days into the new year we almost had WWIII.  I mean obviously a lot more needed to happen but the pissing contest and just general idiocy had most of us believing we were all going to die in the fiery fall out of a nuclear blast or freeze to death from the nuclear winter.

A couple weeks later Kobe Bryant dies in a freak helicopter accident along with his daughter, and nine other people.  It's not WWIII but it was a WTAF Universe moment.  I'm not a huge Basketball fan but I mean I know who he is and was heartbroken for the families, friends, and fans.

Then Australia was on fire.  Like no really the f**king contiennt was basically burning.  It had been going on for some time but seem to really take over in early 2020.  I (along with everyone else, I'm sure) felt so helpless watching people and animals lose their homes.  I mean I started following the Irwins to see how their Zoo was helping all the injured animals.  I bought items that were donated to to relief cause.  I donated to LEGIT save Australia campaigns.  I mean I know we all joke about everything in Australia wanting to kill you but we still need to save it!

Moving on, we started to hear more and more about this "nothing to worry about" virus in China.  The news said "its all good".  But social media posts from other areas seemed to say different. Then...then news was blowing up with cases all over the world.  Little onesie twosie things until *BAM* it's almost Mardi Gras and its officially here in the US and WTF is happening?!??!  Then one vacation was canceled because international travel was not recommended.  Then a case or 20 popped up in NOLA.  Another vacay was canceled.  I left my office on 3/11 not realizing I would not be returning for an indefinite amount of time.  It's been over 8 weeks... 

Amidst the pandemic Wildfires near Chernobyl ramped up increasing radiation readings in the area.

We had a freak hail storm.  Just out of the blue f**king hail when we were supposed to have "lite showers".  NO warning.  NO nothing just *ping ping ping*, "Mother F**ker!!!" In one city it was the size of my fist...MY FIST!  At least by me it was just tiny marbles but STILL!

The stock market crashed.

Oil went negative.  IT WAS TRADING NEGATIVE!

Now we are being told there are Murder Hornets.  I'm sorry...what?!?!  Ah yes...a hornet....bigger than my index finger.  Excuse me while I just drink Everclear, and cry in a corner.  Apparently their sting hurts (alot) but they really only target Honey Bees.  Oi, I like Honey Bees!

They also are predicting a more active than normal hurricane season...which that news can just f**k right off.

Seriously, who the f**k is playing Jumanji??!?!

To top it all off, people are now protesting the pandemic.  I'm sorry, what....? Well technically they are protesting the SAH orders but it's basically the same because both make about the same amount of f**king sense...zero.  I want things to open up too but safely and not at the cost of more lives.

Oh and apparently wearing a mask...you know to protect OTHER PEOPLE from your germy @$$ is a violation of constitutional rights or something.  As in my comfort is more important than your life so f**k you.  So we want to open back up but not take precautions to keep it from making a resurgence...makes sense *face palm*.

Sometimes I think we deserve $hit like this because as a whole humanity can be hella f**ked up.

STAY THE F**K HOME!!!

Unless you are an essential worker.  In that case, you are my f**king hero and I don't know how we can every ever repay you for what you are doing to keep us healthy, fed, safe, etc during this INSANITY.

Also, in case you are actually 100% uneducated...just because your area doesn't have any/many reported cases yet DOESN'T MEAN JACK $HIT!  We had zero cases and now we are off the charts.  Take the f**king precautions NOW!  Pretend like everyone you meet is infected.  That way the few cases you do have don't explode into this Bull$hit happening around me.  I am now "locked" in until after my Birthday and am going to need copious amounts of wine/whiskey at some point. 

Note - Screw all you dip$hits that went party for St Paddy's Day AFTER they told us not to.  And the ding dongs that had a second line or crawfish boil this past weekend.  You are part of the problem and should be sterilized.

So in conclusion....STAY HOME!  Oh and wash your f**king hands you nasty creatures.

Rant Over......I need a drink.

I will never understand humanity/group think

Why oh why can't people just LISTEN!?!  I've been MIA because I don't know what to say.  But now as the $hit is literally hitting the fan, I don't know what to do with myself.

I am scared, honest to God scared.  This is serious and there are f**ktards out there still going on Spring Break, Still having parties, still pretending things are okay. Well newsflash they ARE NOT OKAY.   

COVID-19 is not a joke.  I've made my fair share of jokes but I 100% believe this is serious.   And now we are under lockdown.  Mainly because people can't freaking listen.  Our hospitals are basically overwhelmed.  And while it is possible I would be fine if I caught it, people I love may not be.  I am scared for my friends and family in medical.  For my family and friends who are older.  For my family and friends who are high risk.  I am scared!

And not to cause any additional panic but so should you!  Regardless of your beliefs, political or otherwise...I can't believe the government would intentionally tank the economy for something that isn't serious.  Whole Industries are disappearing overnight.  People are being laid off.  People are losing their sources of income.  People are DYING! And what are the masses doing?  Hoarding f**king Toilet Paper and tampons!!!!

This is a rambling jumble of thoughts but I am at a loss.  I am scared and I hate it.  I don't want my parents going to the store for fear they will DIE!  Do you idiots out there understand that???  Gen Z or whatever the college age people are who still went on spring break.  Or what about those "rich folks" from infected areas who went to their vacation homes and spread the virus to remote areas.  Or those parents who see school being out as a time to go on vacay. STOP THE INSANITY!

I'm going to bed now.  I'm going to try to sleep.  But I don't know if I will because all I can f**king think about is me and/or my husband losing our jobs because MY ENTIRE F**KING STATE IS LOCKED DOWN!

Can't we use some common sense???
Stop hoarding $hit!
STAY THE F**K HOME! 
If you just buy what you would normally buy, there would be no empty shelves. 
Flatten the f**king curve!
Seriously, why the hell do you need 200 rolls of TP????  This virus doesn't make you $hit yourself to death! 
Wash your hands! 
You know if I can't buy soap/hand sani that makes you more vulnerable because I can't be as clean....STOP HOARDING!
Don't touch your face! 
No one needs 32 loaves of bread, come on people!!!!
Did I mention STAY THE F**K HOME!

Parade Etiquette - Don't be a Whale Vagina

Okay I've been here but I've been stupid busy.  Anyway, PARADE ETIQUETTE!  I have said this before and I will say it again.  Have some f**king MANNERS when in public.  Would it f**king kill you to act like a decent human while in public?!?!?!  

Just because you aren't from NOLA doesn't mean you are exempt from etiquette.  Actually acting like a tw@t waffle is a great way to get your @$$ kicked by a bunch of locals tired of your $hit.  

Moving on.  Went to a parade...got mad...still had fun...good people prevail!!!!

So there we are EARLY to a parade to claim our spot.  We were behind a barricade, honestly best spot because no one can get in front of you....WRONG!  Well normally yes but not this time.  This time people were literally on top of the marching groups and the "chaperones" were f**king failing at their jobs.  Be aggressive!  You have the right per your stupid little badge.  Tell those Mother F**kers to GET BACK TO THE SIDEWALK!  

Whatever, they failed and we got irritated.  Mainly because we were there for a while when suddenly the parade gets to us and people just stood....IN FRONT OF THE BARRICADE! The 1st few we all mouthed off to, sheepishly moved...good girls and boys.  But then there was this "family".  Two ladies, one man and a VERY small child.  

They stood right in front of us.  AND WOULDN'T MOVE!  After a 10 min pissing fight we all said f**k the barricade because it clearly doesn't matter and moved to the front of the STUPID crowd.  Well all the peeps behind the barricade who moved were now all besties with a singular cause.  F**k with the piece of $hit family.  

Now I am not (nor were the people around me) one to mess with a kid.  They are exempt but I will without a doubt subtly f**k with adults setting a bad example. I made sure that kid got throws and saw all the sights because I am not completely heartless.  

As I walked around said barricade a lady next to me said something unkind but true about the $hitheads in front of us. All I did was nod.  The psycho B**ch (mom or aunt, not sure) spins around and screams in my face "WE HAVE A F**KING 5 YEAR OLD!!!!!!" (ok...now all bets of me being nice are off) to which I replied calmly (while leaning back) "and you are setting a great example on how to be a C**t." 

Apparently this was unexpected because she gasped walked away.  They were acting like a bunch of High/Drunk high school kids but they were 30+ AND HAD A KID WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!! Mind you it is late (well after 9 PM).  A 5 year old should not be in or near the FRENCH QUARTER at this time.  So an unspoken thing happened. All of the adults who were DONE with their $hit, start dropping every subtle curse word/inappropriate word you could imagine along with HIGHLY inappropriate stories...some about the adults with said kid.  Basically the crowd made the ADULTS so uncomfortable they left.  Was is mature no, but sometimes dickheads need to be put in their place. The kid had no idea what was happening...he was FIVE (apparently) and was just smiling and having fun.

Moral of the story is if you set a bad example and act like a f**k nugget people will band together to publicly shame you.  Like I said, Kid had no idea what was happening, he was focused on the parade.  But the parents or whoever they were....realized they messed up and left...victory is ours!!!  Although, I do feel bad for the kid but not bad enough to give in. 

I don't give a flying f**k if you have kids or not, that does NOT give you the "right" to be an @$$.  You want a "front row" spot for the little one...get there early!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Or at least be nice about it and ask.  Had they said hey he can't see can he get here, TOTALLY DIFFERENT. 

Y'all Nasty!

I am so over people who have ZERO manners.  If there is one thing I need you parents (guardians, Awesome Aunties, etc) to teach your crotch goblins is to always cover their mouth/nose when they sneeze/cough!!! That way they become adults who always cover their mouth/nose when they sneeze/cough.

So far parents at this point are doing an awesome job.  All the littles I see as young as 3ish cover, use an elbow, down the shirt.  But alas the parents of the 70's & 80's you have FAILED US!

I have never seen so many 30, 40, and sometimes 50 somethings that just blow snot everywhere without a care of who is around.  WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?!?

We were in a place with lots and lots of people....kids and adults alike.  And its funk season, I know this.  But 90% the kiddies COVERED THEIR FACES WHEN sneezing or coughing.  Many adults did too but SOOOOO many over 30 year olds...some WAY OVER 30 year olds just shot their funk on everyone near by.

And now I know how the zombie apocalypse starts!

There I was standing in line...minding my own business when suddenly the guy in the line next to me full on sneeze coughed IN MY FACE!  Well the side of my face...STILL! Do you know what a sneeze cough is?  Let me enlighten you...its where you sneeze and cough at the same time spraying anything within 5 feet of you with snot and spit!

Without thinking I yelled ARE YOU Fffffff........I paused thankfully because children where there...and said SERIOUS?!?!!?!??!  He had the right of mind to look ashamed but still.  I told my husband loudly, I think I need to bathe in hand sanitizer....and I did.  In front of him and like 30 other people, I scrubbed down with peppermint scented hand sani...ahhh feel the burn!  The man in front of me asked me to share...and I did.  I think he got hit with some of the spray.  We couldn't go anywhere but wait out the line.  After I was out of line, I went to the bathroom and scrubbed my face and hair. 

Two days later (basic incubation period for a cold/virus) I started to feel a little sniffly.  Day three (the day we flew home) I was miserable and couldn't breath out of my nose.  Day four, my last day of vacay I had to miss an event and literally slept 90% of the day.  Here we are on day five.  I have a sinus funk, am exhausted, and sound like a f**king seal when I cough. 

Conclusion Thanks to some @$$hole I was next to in line the other day, I am pretty sure I have some sort of plague.  Guess I'll be going to the Doctor before my Christmas Party tomorrow...yay....

Shoutout to my guardian Angel

So I had to drive quite a distance today.  Thank goodness I was paying attention! As I was lala-ing along my way things got dangerous FAST!

Suddenly LOTS OF BRAKING.  The SUV in-front of me swerved to the right barely missing the back of an 18 wheeler.  I managed to slow to about 40 but was coming in hot.  I had seconds to make a move.  I noticed the pickup next to me pull to the right giving me room to swerve. 

Some jack@$$ was pulled over ON THE LEFT.  His pimp mobile looking thing was blocking half of the left lane.  We were going 75...I have a little car I can't see much past SUVs.  And no, I was not tailgating! 

I missed the pimp mobile by millimeters!

It happened so f**king fast.  But I can't thank that pickup enough for his quick reaction.  It was either slam into a stationary vehicle going over 35 mph or side swipe aa truck going who knows how fast.  Those were literally my options because there wasn't enough time to brake to a stop without possibly losing control. 

Who the f**k does that?!?!  I've had car issues on I10.  You either get over to the right somehow OR you pull all the way into the grass on the left.  You do not...I repeat DO NOT block half the f**king left lane of the Interstate. 

I hope that moron made it home safe.  Had I slammed into him I would have been severely injured.  He wasn't in the vehicle, I saw him on the phone in the grass.  My driver side would have been the side that hit. 

That would have been very very bad for me and who knows how my little car would have ricocheted around after.  It was rush hour...there were BIG vehicles everywhere!!!!!

My point is use your brain.  Don't block lanes of traffic if you can avoid it and DO NOT BLOCK AN INTERSTATE!  So yea, thank you guardian angel, the universe, the big guy....whomever...I am just glad it went the way it did.

I hate driving...not because of the driving itself but because of the other idiots on the road. 

I'm out...time for a shower and bed.