Just be lucky I didn't grab your phone and rub it in my @$$crack or something

Alright, so I totally wouldn't do THAT.  Look I know peeps are germ crazy.  They think everyone is gross and no one washes their hands.  Usually THESE are the people who come around others hacking up a lung and snotting all over. 

Look I get it...its cold/flu season.  You don't want people touching your phone since you have to touch it and/or put it to your face.  But don't be an @$$hat about it. 

If you come to me and shove your phone in my face to show me something, chances are I am going to gently grab it NOT BY THE SCREEN, by the edges, to angle it so I can see better (especially if there is an open window behind me...HELLO GLARE!). 

You are practically throwing your phone in my face saying "look".  Don't yank it away from my reach like I have the plague only to hover it in front of me still saying "look".  I'm trying to f**king look, I can't see it, hence the grab.  If you don't want people touching your phone don't stick it in someones face saying "look".  Next time I will grab it and rub it around in my bra just to make a point *geesh*.

And I am not the one f**king hacking and sniffling every damn day with "allergies"...that would be you dear.  Just saying.


Good lord people there are ways to handle things without being a douche nozzle. 

Side Note - It wasn't just a move the phone away from me move.  It was a yank into the air so hard they almost fell over backwards from the momentum.  Slightly unnecessary *rolling eyes*.  

Stop being an @$$hole *drops mic*

This is a RANT, I just have to get this out before I explode....you have been warned.

No but really, I don't understand the need to be a prick just for the sake of being a prick.  I get that we all have bad days but lately I have been witness to ADULTS treating children, their adult kids, other adults, etc poorly and then blaming it on something else (that happened a LOOOONG time ago).  What is sad...this is more than one adult.  Having one do any of this is bad enough but I've been exposed to THREE!

I try to remove myself from drama, its why I live 30+ min away from everyone.  I could move closer but every time I consider it, BS like this happens and I am like, I don't need this crap.  As much as I try to be drama free I get sucked into it from time to time.  The difference between myself and others that were sucked in is I am going to give you options on how to fix it.  If you have been b**ching about the SAME THING for the last 'x' number of years I am going to get real with you and tell you it is time to STOP!  If you are using something that happened more than 5 minutes ago as an excuse to be a twat to everyone, I am going to loud cap you next time you say something in front of me.  Not because I am an @$$hole...because I am going to protect the people I care about from your toxic behavior since I have now been dragged into this nonsense.  But you won't say that in front of me because you only ever do this in small groups and I am never "alone" with you.  You are a coward...you attack women when no one else is around to defend them or hear how f**ked up you actually are. 

Let me reiterate that I hate when people take out their aggressions on others.  I am sorry that your life went to $hit but 99% of the time the person you are ripping apart had nothing to do with that and you are just pouring your anger into them because they are there.  NOT COOL!  Ever!  If it happens once, I will forgive it but if it happens repeatedly with the same person(s), you my dear are a bully and I have lost respect for you.  When my little one calls me crying because you verbally abused them, I see red and sorry but once that happens it will be very hard for me to forget.  I am the type that I take $hit up until a point but once I am past it, I am done.  So let me say that if a person knows certain things bother one of my littles and they continue to use those things to purposefully hurt them, I am going to expose their shenanigans to everyone.  Using the 'n' word and the 'f' word (not f**k) to describe anyone is 100% NEVER acceptable.  And if those words make someone uncomfortable you do not have the right to call them a 'n' lover or 'f' hag.  WTF is wrong with you?!?!?!  That is bigotry at its finest.  "If you don't look like me or think like me, you are not as good as me." It is 2015 STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On another note...just because you have a d**k doesn't mean you are better than me (a person sans d**k).  It drives me spare when "men" dismiss me or my littles because we are women.  My "littles" are adults, just younger than myself, FYI. And when I hear about one of our trusted "men" trying to control them or belittle them, I want to punch things.  Mainly things between their legs because god I just want to cause them pain at this point (I know, I know bad but I wont actually do it because I am a sane individual).  It kills me further when other "adults" (including other females!!!) feed these men's aggression by agreeing with them and ostracizing myself and my littles based on what a twat booger said.  Group think at its finest.  This is where I come in.  This is where we have a "come to Jesus" talk because I am 1000% done with this bull$hit.  Abuse is not just physical hands on a person.  It is verbal, mental, emotional.  If you purposefully cause HARM to another person just for the f**k of it, that is abuse!

It is not okay to call me or anyone else "names" like c**t, etc because we don't agree with you.  So a woman hurt you (and in a couple of these cases, she did, I get that, she was a royal B) BUT that does NOT give you free reign to attack all females around you.  Also, it happened years ago.  It is time to move on.  You can't blame your anger towards us on that anymore.  You have had more than a decade (in some cases THREE decades) to fix this, yet we still hear the same broken record excuse every time, "You can't get mad at him.  Think of what he's been through." NO!  I don't f**king care anymore.  Just because they had a bad run a few years ago doesn't give them the right to flip out on other people or try to control them.  You don't get to tell me (or anyone else) what to do or how to feel, sorry (not sorry). If you want to wallow in angry self pity fine but leave us out of it!

The "definition" of crazy is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome.  If someone TRULY wanted to move passed all this nonsense they would have done it by now.  This extended DRAMA is 100% their own creation and I do NOT feel sorry for them anymore.  How do you live like that?!?!  It can't be good for you to harbor so much anger and aggression for THAT long.  I feel sorry for (empathize with) people of course but you have to fix things for yourself.  YOU have to break the cycle.  If you don't it just keeps happening over and over and over.

I guess some people feed off of drama.  They thrive on it.  I despise it. If I have a problem, I fix it, if I can't fix it, I stop b**ching about it until I can fix it.  It does me no good to dwell on things that are out of my control and I sure as hell wont continually attack someone else because my life is in the $hitter.

And yes I would say this and have said some of this face to face.

Rant Over.

Side Note: If you threaten my fur babies I will become defensive...you do NOT threaten them...EVER...if you hurt my fur babies...I can't express what will happen to you but it won't be pleasant.  It might involve paper cuts, salt, and lemon juice. 

Your momma failed you sugar

If you were never taught that saying "when are you expecting" or "how far along are you" or something of that nature is a big no no, she failed you.  NEVER...EVER assume a woman with a pooch is prego.  Unless you know with 100% certainty say nothing...it is safer.

Case in point.  I had on a dress (not even that tight but slightly fitted)...mind you as I've stated before...I am fairly small.  Not skinny but tiny none the less.  I heard a *ding*, someone at the front desk.  Well I was all alone and went to see who was here. 

Not a customer...not a vendor...some poor lost person who had no idea where they were.  I helped them with some directions and was ready to send them on their way when they decided it was time for a chat.  I was just finishing up the directions when this happened:

Person: Is that your first?
Me: *completely oblivious* *still writing* Hmmmm?  No people get lost around here all the time.
Person: No, I meant child *pointing at me*
Me: *slowly raises head* Ummmm what? *looking down* Yeeeeaaaa no...I just ate lunch...
Person:  *getting nervous* Oh I...I just assumed...I'm, I'm sorry...
Me:  *raised eyebrow* Soooo anyway, here are the directions...uh good luck
Person: *stumbling over words*  I'm really....I didn't mean...
Me: *sigh* Please just go.  Have a great day *fake smile*
Person: *dejectedly walking away because I didn't accept their lame apology*


I'm not normally rude BUT I refuse to be like "oh honey its okay...honest mistake." No!  You are a jerk!  You basically just called me fat because I had a pooch!  It wasn't like a f**king beer belly, it was literally just slightly distended because I'd just finished a bowl of f**king pasta.  It went away in like 20 minutes.  I didn't overeat, it just doesn't have anywhere to hide while digesting...I am not that f**king big.  On top of that, it's that time where my tummy is puffy anyways (have I mentioned I hate being female sometimes?!?!) so it was a little more exaggerated than normal.  That still gives you zero excuse for assuming there was a baby in there.  One, none of your f**king business...you literally just stumbled upon my office...I do not KNOW you!  Two, even if I did semi-know you...still none of your f**king business UNLESS I tell you.  Just saying.  Quit being rude!

Spoiled Wife you say...

I say, "quit driving like a jacka$$ you 'spoiled' biotch!"

Driving to work this morning I was run off of I-10 by a small car about the size of my small car.  She clearly did not see the little blue car in the left lane doing 80 MPH, keeping a safe distance from the car in front of her.  Or she just didn't care and assumed I would...I dunno teleport out of her way. 

I-10 where I was is two lanes...TWO lanes!!!  So I didn't have the option of moving into another lane.  She just came over.  I am not talking turned on the blinker and switch lanes giving me time to react like a normal person.  She suddenly realized she was about to ram the State vehicle going 70 (the speed limit) in the right lane so instead of, oh I dunno BRAKING, she just jerked the car to the left...where I happened to be. 

SIDE NOTE - Honestly you should NEVER do that!!! If you are about to rear-end someone DO NOT blindly go to the other driving lane.  Swerve to the SHOULDER!!! It is safer and there is less of a chance of you hitting someone!!!!

The thing is I kind of saw it.  I realized before it happened what was possibly going to happen so I let my foot off the accelerator.  This didn't help much, well it helped a little because instead of being right next to her I was about a half car's length next to her.  I didn't really have time to brake at this point, it all happened very quickly.  I was able to swerve my little car to the left ONTO THE SHOULDER and hit the brakes enough to avoid her.  I almost got rear ended and my car sure did lose traction, having two wheels doing 80ish on the gravely side area.  The little light came on and there was a lot of dinging. You know the one that lets you know "hey hon, your car is hydroplaning.  Just wanted to make sure you knew. *kisses*"  It really is a pointless warning light.  Like no $hit car.  Is that why I am losing control of you?!?  I didn't realize my tires were no longer connecting with the pavement.  How could you NOT realize that?!?!?! Anyway,  I thought that's it I am going lose control of the car and slam into the freaking middle divider fence thing. FML!

By some grace of God I managed to maintain control of my car and got back in the lane.  As I got back up to the speed limit I caught up to her because the rest of the left lane peeps in front of us were going about 70-75.  As I caught up to her I saw the crap fest that was her car.  It was a nice-ish car. Nothing too fancy, like a Civic, maybe a Kia, or something like that.  Across the back window in HOT PINK was the website "spoiledwife.com".  This just made me groan in annoyance.  Then you also had the license plate which was also hot pink and zebra and glittery.  I couldn't read the actual plate number but I surely was blinded by the words "Spoiled Wife" shining in the morning sunlight. 

SIDE NOTE - You aren't really that "spoiled"...its not like its a BMW or Lexus or Mercedes or something of that nature!!! Stop acting all special in your freaking Kia Rio.  My momma gots one of those and she is most definitely NOT spoiled!

I really wanted to hulk out and run her off the road but I am not crazy (unlike her).  So I decided I would look up the website and give a few choice words to the administrator...thinking she clearly runs it or works for them if she is advertising like that.  Guess what...the domain doesn't exist...it might be "up for sale".  What happened boo did your hubby/wifey not pay the bill???  If your spouse "spoils" you more power to you but do you have to be such a royal douche nozzle about it?!?!?  You could have killed me and the person behind me with your shenanigans in your stupid car with it's stupid decorations!  Not to mention blinding us with the obnoxious blingy license plate.  Look I love sparkles but they shouldn't be on a car...it is a driving hazard.  If your hubby/wifey is so keen on spoiling you maybe you should spring for some driving lessons and keep the bling limited to your person. 

In case you are thinking well everyone makes mistakes...maybe she just wasn't paying attention and normally is a good driver.  No, just NO! I should also mention that once she got enough past the state vehicle, which in my opinion and I am thinking the state operators opinion based on his "Oh $hit" moment, was not nearly enough space she jumped back to the right lane and blew past traffic going about 90 MPH.  Then I saw her swerve back into the left lane causing lots of brake lights to come on in front of me.  I lost track of her after that.

People are such @$$holes!!!!!!!!!

"I know it hurt, but he/she means well."

This is one of the stupidest justification for someones actions!  I've used this excuse before to justify the actions of ex-boyfriends, friends, family, co-workers, etc.  We all have.  It's the "they don't mean to be an asshole, that's just how they are" in a different form.  It is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lame!  This is not an excuse.  If you mean well then don't be a jerk!  You should know by the time you are in High School (if not way sooner) what the difference is between right and wrong.  You should be able to, on some level, know that some topics are off limits.  Or at least what the limits are.  No one is that oblivious to body language. Have some tact people!  Look we all say stupid things sometimes but I've noticed more people feel the need to voice their stupid all the time instead of occasionally.

Yes, I understand that some need to be treated harshly to get them back to reality but sometimes I want to slap people for being utterly insensitive.  You can be a supportive friend/family member/whatever and not come off as a complete douche nozzle.

Examples:
A)  You know someone trying to have babies who hasn't been successful.  Unless you know for a FACT, I'm talking 100% positive, that they will be comforted by religious shit (sorry but sometimes it is shit), I do not recommend sending them anything.  Because I can almost guarantee the "Don't worry God has a plan" email will make some struggling women lose their cool.  Yea you "mean well" but if they aren't outright asking for that kind of support you aren't helping. If anything you just created a blubbering mess that others (like their husbands or best friends) are going to have to mop up.  And don't give me the "they mean well crap".  If you mean well then be supportive, quit reminding them that God hasn't blessed them with a boo boo through electronic prayer.  That kind of comfort is a trigger, you don't need to pull it.  If you want to pray for them, then pray for them.  Prayers don't need an audience to be answered. 

B) You know someone trying to lose weight.  Stop, just effing stop.  If they do not bring up the subject, keep your pie hole shut.  Saying "you look great" is one thing, that's nice.  But doing the over the top "Oh my GOD, look at you!  You're like a totally different person." And then proceeding to bring it up to everyone you see in front of said person, saying "don't they look great, you must have lost so much weight!".  You aren't being nice...yea they may look great but you are calling attention to them by going overboard. It's embarrassing and makes everyone uncomfortable. 

B1) Also, unless said persons ask for weight loss advice or healthy eating advice don't give it.  If someone says "OMG, I need to work out" that is not an opening for you to say anything, unless it is "OMG me too" or "why?  You look fine to me *shrug*".  Now if they say, "hey I need to work out...have any suggestions?" Feel free, that is an opening. 

C)  "Have you thought of NOT dying your hair?  You know it causes damage. *picks up a piece with two fingers like it has the plague*" Um, have you thought of not being a twat booger?  What's it to you if someone does or does not dye their hair???  What does someone else's physical appearance have to do with your happiness?  Maybe dying their hair makes them feel better about themselves!  Why do YOU feel the need to make a big deal about it.  You don't mean well, you aren't looking out for their well being, you are being an asshat.  I don't care if they dyed their hair purple...it is their hair, bugger off!

D)  "You have to buy an SUV!  If you want kids you can't drive them around in a *gasp* car!!!!!  Do you want your baby to die???" What on Earth are you smoking???  That is mean, hurtful and just dumb.  Of course I don't want my nonexistent kids to die.  But my "little bitty" car has a better safety rating then your over sized gas guzzler.  The reason my car is "more dangerous" isn't because of my car at all.  It is because idiots like you who buy giant vehicles and don't know how to operate them, therefore putting the rest of us in danger.  I am not over extending myself because people like you don't know how to drive.  Shut up!  You don't mean well, you are an idiot.  If you want safer roads, start with yourself.  If you want an SUV, good on you, learn how to drive it.  My BFF has a ginormous SUV thing but I am cool with it because she knows how to drive it and park it!

Here is a bit of advice.  Everyone is entitled to an opinion but unless someone asks for it keep it to yourself.  Otherwise you are intentionally hurting someone.  There is no excuse for it, you are being hurtful just to be hurtful even if you try to justify it with "but I mean well".

NOTE: 

Obviously this does not apply to someone who is endangering themselves.  I guess for instance the hair dye comment is totally acceptable if it is causing physical harm to said person.  But as said before, there are better ways to bring it up.  Don't be an asshat!

What is wrong with people?!?!

Isn't it illegal to mess with someones mail?!?!  Regardless if it is a piece of junk, if it isn't addressed to you, you probably shouldn't touch it.  I know we all get junk mail for people that previously lived in our homes and we toss it, whatever.  But if it looks important I ALWAYS write "Return to Sender" with an arrow to the person's name saying "no longer lives here" or "wrong address".

Ok that is my remedy for misplaced mail.  My real rant is about messing with someone else's mail...like from their mailbox!  I am so over people thinking its okay to "check out" what other people have in their mailbox.  I've caught teens looking in my neighbors mail boxes, stopping when they saw me out front.  I called the police and let them know what I saw and they sent out extra patrols to the area.  Not long after that I had someone take a UPS delivery from under my carport.  Like signed for it and everything! So I started having all shipped packages sent to my office.

Well now what do I do with mailed items???  Do I pay for a PO Box???  That's bullshit!  Why do I have to do that?!?!  Why can't people keep their grubby fingers off my mail?!?!!?  It's amazing!  I get everything at my address.  I've NEVER had "undeliverable" issues but lately, lately certain things keep coming up as "undeliverable as addressed".  Not everything...that's the key!  Its the same sender, some things get to me and some don't.  Things sent in unmarked boxes make it to me just fine.  You know a plain brown box or envelope.  But other things have the product inside marked on the box.  So they say what type of product is inside.  These NEVER MAKE IT TO ME.  All of them say "undeliverable as addressed" when I look up the tracking number.  I only know what the box looks like because I can go to the website and see other users pics of their deliveries.

So you tell me who is taking my stuff???  How can the same company address somethings correctly and others incorrectly???  It makes no sense.  There is no full "return" address, its a shipping warehouse, so it's not going back to the sender...how convenient :P.

So not to sound paranoid but is my mail person stealing my stuff???  I know that's a harsh accusation but I can't figure out any other reason.  If it was delivered and I just never got it, then clearly someone else took it but these always say "undeliverable as addressed".  Its suspect, that's all I am saying.

So heres my thought...STOP STEALING OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF!!!  I work my ass off to have what I have, I am part of programs and get things for free because I give my honest opinion of said products, you can easily do the same.  Stop taking my things, you are a jerk! I was home the day the thing said "undeliverable".  I got mail that day!!! So why in the world would that one thing not be delivered?!!?!?!?!?

***Warning*** Tinted Tail Lights Suck!!!

Can someone tell me the purpose of tinted tail lights?!?!?!  Seriously what is the point of them? 


Are we concerned about UV exposure to our little warning lights? 

Are your tail lights going to get a sunburn?

Well I have news for you...1) They are already red and 2) I am fairly certain they cannot get a sunburn!

You are just a Douche Nozzle!  Because of your tinted tail lights I almost died...at the very least I had the beginnings of a heart attack.  

In case you weren't aware tint tends to DARKEN things.  A sort of blocking of the light.  In normal use on WINDOWS it keeps the interior of your vehicle cooler when sitting out in the baking sun because it absorbs or reflects the light.  Also, you can't really see INTO the vehicle, did you hear that...you can't really see THROUGH it. When applied to tail lights it causes other driver on the road to develop a spontaneous case of  Tourette's and begin driving like they are playing Mario Kart. 

Let me ask you a question...if you cannot see into a car window with tint, what makes you think I can see your brake lights when they are TINTED?!?!?  I am not a tailgater.  I travel a safe distance from other vehicles on the road.  But when you are going 70 MPH and cannot see someones brake lights until you are on top of them, stopping is quite difficult!  Of course I am probably one of the only drivers in Louisiana that travels a safe distance so when I slam on my brakes to avoid running through your tailgate it puts me at a greater risk at being run over by the 4x4 Dually behind me.  Thankfully said Dually had the sense to swerve onto the shoulder just as I came to a stop.  But the cars behind us looked like they were doing a synchronized driving routine as they darted in various directions to avoid hitting any of us.  I seriously thought this is going to suck balls but luckily no one wrecked.  The funny thing is I am fairly certain Douche Nozzle had no idea he was the cause of all this ruckus. 

Traffic started moving again and tinted tail lights decided he needed to get over to exit, so he put on his blinker. Under normal circumstances this would have alerted the driver in right lane that he indeed needed to get over but since he has sun protection on his tail lights the driver next to me couldn't see the blinker.  Honestly I barely saw it.  I only noticed because I was looking closely since I almost hit him.  So Sir Douche started getting over not realizing the other driver didn't know he wanted to which caused another brake slamming session.  I was able to swerve to the left to avoid hitting him yet again and blew past him.  I was just thankful to be away from that road hazard. 

So I seriously want to know...what is the point of the tinted tail lights?  Aside from making driving more interesting for those around you.