I feel threatened...I don't feel safe...

Look I try my hardest not to be easily offended but I do not take threats to my person lightly.  Let me set a scene.

I got home from work and decided to wash my car.
I changed into running Capri pants and a tank top.
I washed my car.
THAT'S IT!

While bent over scrubbing bug guts off my bumper I heard "*sucking teeth* Yea gurl".

I glanced over my shoulder and saw 5 teenage boys on bikes riding by.  I IGNORED them. 

They stopped not far from my house but said nothing else. They were making me uncomfortable because I knew they were watching me. 

After wearing myself out scrubbing BUG GUTS and bird $hit off my car, I had no muscle power left to Rain-X my windshield, so I asked my other half for help.  As he was wiping my windshield I was picking up the washing supplies.  Those "kids" came back by right as I walked inside.  That's when I heard something that made my skin crawl.  I heard *in a deep voice*, "hey man, Ima F**K your wife." 

My husband reacted (NOT violently) and they took off.  While my neighbor who happened to be outside BBQ-ing yelled something about them being disrespectful. 

We aren't talking about a bunch of ankle biters.  These teens were much bigger than little old me, some bigger than my husband.  It wasn't an "appreciation" of my body (which is still a bit uncalled for), that was a vile statement.  He didn't say "Your wife is hot", he said "Ima f**k your wife". 

It was a statement of fact.  You didn't hear it, there was a clear threat in his voice.  My gut said run.  I was legitimately frightened.  My husband is concerned for me.  He doesn't want me to be home alone.  And honestly I don't think he is overreacting.  It may have been a "funny" joke to them but it made me extremely uncomfortable. 

I shouldn't feel unsafe in and around my own home.  I don't know them.  They aren't kids from my neighborhood.  What if they come back when I am home alone?  What if they actually mean me harm?

I'm just glad my other neighbor was outside and heard all of it. 

And just to clarify there was no sexy bending...there was no wet t-shirt...there was nothing that suggested I wanted any type of attention much less THAT kind of attention.  I was just washing my f**king car! 

I'm sure if they were confronted they would say it was all in harmless fun.  Yea I bet that's what people say when they threaten the President online.  "Oh it was just a joke, no need to overreact" until that one time, it isn't JUST a joke. 

There ain't nothing petite about dat @$$

So I am small...but I am not...does that make any sense???  I am an XS/S/0/2 in tops and FLOWY dresses...I am a M/L/4/6 in pants, skirts and fitted dresses.  The problem with the fitted dresses is if I get one that fits my top, my @$$ looks like it's trying to orchestrate a prison break...if I get one that fits my bottom, I look like I left my boobs at home. 

And I am not pear shaped...I do not look like Kim K...you would think that is my shape based on what I just said...but I am not.  It is 100% my butt and that is basically IT! My hips/thighs/waist are still fairly small.  I have a super bubble butt.  (*superman theme playing* It flies off at night while I am sleeping to rid the world of mermaid dresses and -4 size pants. *he he he*) I literally have to buy things to fit my bootay which means the waist and thighs are usually baggy.   To say I have a badonkadonk is misleading, I have a "dayum" but only from the side.  From the front I look almost petite, from the back you can see dat @$$ but its camouflaged.  From the side it is *BAM*. 

I went shopping recently and one of my sisters from another mister argued with me about my "size" in clothing.

F: OMG try on this dress!
M: Sweetie that is petite
F: You ARE petite
M: No, I'm really not
F: Try on the f**king dress
M: *sigh* fine

***ten minutes later***

M: Haaaaalp!  Can some one help me out of this, I think I am stuck
F: Oooooh, yea there ain't nothing petite about dat @$$
M: *grumbles* Yes, I know...

But I digress...I really feel like it talks to people.  It's like "Heeey boo, yea you like that *jiggle, jiggle*" and I am oblivious until I hear someone suck their teeth and say "Heeeey gurl, *mmmm*".  WTF?!? Bad butt, stop that!  *turns around in circle fussing* And I am not wearing revealing clothes (not that it would make that kind of response more acceptable)...it's just everything fits my @$$ like a f**king glove.  Jogging pants (you know the tight legging things)...good GOD!  Most of my shirts hang just below the butt BUT when  you are running they ride up a bit giving everyone behind me an unobstructed view of my jiggly bits (on me its the butt...the boobs don't really move much...). 

I'm starting to develop a complex.  Oh well, at least its firm-ish. 

My @$$ is going to get me in trouble one day

I've always had quite a butt.  Even when I was in high school and weighed like 80lbs (naturally, I wasn't sick or anything), I had this bubble butt thing going on.  It's not overly big, I am no Nicki Minaj but it is like *whabam*.  I have a fairly tiny frame for the most part (no where near 80 lbs anymore) but my @$$...good lord...it demands attention.  I am pretty sure if it could talk it would say "hey, hey you!  Yea, look at me, you know you want to, mmmmhmmmmm". 

Of course I don't try very hard to hide it, I like tights and skinny jeans, so sue me.  Well last night I went out to dinner, nothing fancy, and I wore fleece lined tights and an oversized boyfriend plaid shirt.  It covered by butt and then some so hush.  I thought nothing of the outfit, it was cute, comfy, and casual.  I got up to get a refill for my drink and noticed one of the cooks watching me.  The place was small and fairly empty so I  thought, "Eh, whatever".  I got my drink and headed back to my table.  Apparently I have a sashay when I walk.  Because I heard someone say VERY quietly "Oh yea, shake shake shake señora." I kind of slowed down and I am pretty sure my expression was  O.O.  Before I could turn around there was an *ahem* from the manager so I just kept walking.  

When I got home I was informed I needed to wear that outfit more often because "damn!"  Ahhhhh now that "shake shake shake señora" makes a little more sense.  I really wasn't trying to attract attention on purpose but apparently my @$$ had another agenda.