Are you sure YOU aren't pregant?!?!

For F**ks sake people, quit being RUDE!  Two things you shouldn't do....

1. Talk about Religion/Politics at work
2. ASSUME a woman is pregnant

JFC that's how you get your teeth knocked out..from an angry...apparently "fat" woman with a mean right hook.  Except I am not a violent person (usually) so instead I flip the question around.


Person: *pssst* are you pregnant?
Me: *snort* nope
AT THIS POINT YOU SHOULD WALK AWAY!
Person: Are you sure?
Me: *confused* Um, yes...100%....
Person: Really?  You must be eat more and gain some weight...a little
Me: *PISSED OFF* Um, no....are YOU pregnant?
Person: *confused* No, I man?
Me: Are you sure? I mean last uniform order I had to go up two pants sizes for you....
Person: *REALLY confused* You look mad
Me: *calmly typing* If you don't want a can of Lysol shoved up your @$$, I highly recommend you leave...now. 

What the actual F**K?!?!  I know I am not a size 2 but screw you man.  Asking the 1st question fine...but when I said NO, you should probably leave it alone.  Oh and he is a f**king fat @$$...WHAT AN @$$HOLE!

Also, the "weight" I've gained is 90% muscle.  I've been working out, running, dancing, swimming, etc.  So I noticed a change also but its more what happens before all the "fat" goes away.  You know when you 1st start working out again and you don't I dunno...its weird.  See below...yea that's me...I am a f**king whale...just call me baby beluga...

And no, I'm NOT sucking in...

Its not funny anymore. Joke is over. No really...stop......please.....

This is why Idiocracy could be considered a documentary.

Education is the key.  Educated people tend to make better decisions.  Not always the best decisions but better ones.  We are still human so mistakes will always be made.  So WHY IS EDUCATION NOT OUR PRIORITY?!?!?!  Yes we need to save the planet...stop killing Earth...THANKS! 

Yes we need to do a lot of things.  But fixing these are just band-aids.   If we focus on educating our spawn in addition to fixing the f**k ups...maybe...just maybe we have a fighting chance.  Right...right?!?! 

But there in lies part of the problem.  The persons able to become educated are putting off spawning until later in life.  Well later in life is where we have issues.  So it is possible that the intelligence wont be passed on. 

But those not educated (not always by their own choice) are popping them out one after the other.  And I am not saying ALL kids from uneducated parents have problems.  I am saying on an average that is the case.  Because the parents don't have the foundations to pass on to their spawn.  And teachers only have so much power.  So then we have more than likely 2nd generation uneducated and so on and so forth. 

My rant came from this......

- Person grows up watching older sibling crash and burn from SERIOUS drug problems
- Person watches in horror as older sibling royally screws up their 1st child while still battling a drug
  addiction (mainly HEROIN)
- Person watches as grandpa takes over raising of said child (Permanently)
- Person vows to never be like them
- Person watches older sibling have ANOTHER child while relapsing (Pills this time)
- Person is FREAKING out and watches as that child is taken by grandma (temporary but still)
- Person is starting a career in medical
- Person has an "ooops" ($hit happens, I'm not judging) and drops out of school (NOOOO don't do 
  that!)
- Person moves in with long time bf and baby
- I do not hear much from person for a few years but all seems well when we are in touch
- Suddenly I am told baby is seized by CPS and person & bf are in prison for child 
  endangerment and drug possession (not just any drug... METH)
***Holy f**king $hit!!!  What happened?!?!?!?***
- Baby is about to be released into the foster system when grandma steps up to the plate again and
  takes them in
- A two year battle with rehab & relapsing & domestic charges.  Being kicked out of group 
  homes.  Court.  You name it, it happened.  Person wants the kid but CPS says if they try to 
  take the kid, the kid will be seized...AGAIN.
- Grandma still has kid.  She is court appointed guardian.  Person is trying to stay sober...its an uphill
  battle.
- Today from person "I'm so excited to announce baby girl, due September 2016.  I'm in desperate need of baby stuff so please pass this along."

***Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! No no no no no no no...just f**king no!!!***
*** You can't take care of Baby A...you should NOT be having Baby B!!!!!***
*** Yes, access to things like sex ed and birth control would help but JFC you are 27 years old WITH A CHILD.  You should know that inserting Tab A into Slot B could end in Baby!!!!!***

So while Baby A is being raised by grandma...Baby B will be raised by person...maybe...I guess a court decision could change that.  I am terrified for BOTH of them.  Grandma is old...what happens to Baby A when she is gone or can't take care of them anymore!?!?!? Person couldn't handle raising one...how are they gonna raise two?!?!?

I'm not being mean or jealous.  I am being realistic.  I am being an observer and what I am observing scares me.  

This is just one example.  This happens all the time...I know it does...but how do we stop it.  How do we evolve instead of devolve.   How do we protect kids from following in their parents footsteps (poor choices).  I gave myself a headache.

 

SIDE NOTE - Drugs are bad.  Addiction is bad.  I know its hard to just quit but bringing kids into makes me stabby.

Selfish...me? I don't think that word means what you think it means.....

Okay so its a rant (kind of), get ready or don't read further.  I have two short scenarios that made my blood boil.



1.  FAMILY member asking me quietly about babies and whatnot (I am okay with this...this doesn't bother me).  FAMILY member taking my niece from my aunt and putting her in my arms so I could get then envie.  While I adore her...WTH people?!? FAMILY member asking if we were at least trying.  Me saying yes.  Them saying well maybe you need to seek other methods (IVF).  While I wouldn't be opposed to that IF I had more money, I am opposed to it right now, its f**king expensive!  And insurance pays for NONE OF IT here in LA.  Family member calling me SELFISH for not wanting to go further into debt to conceive.  How the f**k is that being selfish!?!?  Reproducing is not required.  I want yes but I don't want enough to have to file for bankruptcy!  If I come into some funds then maybe or maybe I'll use them to pay for adoption fees.  Whatever the case may be opting to not do IVF because of financial stability is not being f**king SELFISH!  What good is getting preggo if I don't have a house or car or money to raise a baby!?!?!




2. Me relaying the above story to an acquaintance.  Not a BFF or family but a friend in some ways (an acquaintance after this ridiculousness).  The response was "well I can't say anything because I CAN  have babies".  Me true but I just...its not something that happens for many without assistance.  The response "I don't know why.  I had babies so easy. All I did was think about a baby and poof I was pregnant".  Right.  This is true I have some family members like this.  I know its easy for many but some of US *emphasis on the US* (hello me, me...you know your "friend" who you KNOW has issues) can't without help so it would be great if insurance would at least pick up some of the tab.  The response "No they shouldn't do that.  Then our premiums would go up just because some chick was defective".  *gob smacked* Riiiight.  *thinking* So by your standards should insurance not pay for people with chronic illness too?!?!?!  *said* Well insurance is still stupid and I hate that ours is now 60/40 instead of 80/20.




I just found BOTH of these scenarios rude and insensitive.  Everyone can have an opinion but if you KNOW someone is having a problem conceiving, both of the above are probably not things you should say TO THEM.  Asking questions is one thing but this was just beyond unkind.

Because f**k you, that's why

I'm not really as angry as that title seems, just more flabbergasted by people and their inability to realize when they should shut the f**k up.  I've said it before and I'll say it again if you have already asked a woman if/when she wants kids and she says eventually *smile*...DROP IT.  Don't keep asking every time you see her, IN FRONT of everyone.  Don't randomly respond to a cute pic of her and her (insert lil one) asking when she is gonna have one.  Don't remind her every time you see her that she is getting older.  Just f**king stop!

1.  Not everyone wants kids.  It is not required for married (or unmarried) persons to reproduce.
2.  Not everyone CAN have kids. 
3.  It is not your right to know WHY I don't have kids
4.  If you ask me repeatedly I am eventually going to give you an asinine answer
5.  Don't be offended if I respond to your rudeness with rudeness
6.  Oh yea and its not okay to shove a child in my arms and say "doesn't that feel right" because that increases your chances of being throat punched ten fold

I love my littles but geez!  It comes in spurts.  I wont hear a peep from anyone about my childless marriage *rolls eyes* and then suddenly everyone wants to know when there will be a little NOLA Gurl/Guy walking around.  Okay, new people asking, I don't care.  People who have asked repeatedly and KNOW that I've had some issues shut the f**k up!  You don't seem concerned, you are badgering me and my husband.   Someone being concerned says quietly (as in out of group conversation) "so, anything? *concerned eyes* (not pity, there is a difference)". I say no *shrug*, they say okay just checking.  That, that is OKAY.  Standing in a group of people (half of whom I do NOT know well) and LOUDLY saying, "so you knocked up yet?" makes me want to go on a murder spree. 

So since I am a tad moodier than usual (I hate being a girl :P) my responses may not have been nearly as polite as they usually are.  So now instead of letting morons make me feel bad or embarrassed about my "issues", I'm gonna embarrass them.

To that lovely person that KNOWS what I've been through who confronted me in a large group, my response was spot on.  I said "Um no, I am apparently defective.  Remember? *sips champagne*".  It seems, being confronted with harsh reality makes people uncomfortable.  You asked, I responded.  You can't deal with blunt truth, stop asking brazen questions.  What I've learned is that if you make them uncomfortable, they stop asking you questions that make you uncomfortable (usually) AND they don't offer the canned bull$hit "aw, honey it will happen" or "God will (insert miracle)" or "You know when we were trying to have (insert kids name), *goes into LONG story about conception that no one needs to know*".  I wasn't asking for support or advice...you asked me, I answered...that should be the end of it.  When you get real, they usually shut up and walk away.  If I would have brought it up, TOTALLY different.

Like I said, I don't care if people inquire, I'm not a heartless person.  I care if people are @$$e$ about it.  I am just tired of all the crap.  There are ways to ask me what's going on without making me feel second-rate or the center of UNWANTED attention (and pity...I hate the pity stares...I am fine people... really). 

So that's my story.  From now on @$$hole questions, get @$$hole answers.  And no, we don't know for sure what's up with us BUT that still isn't a reason for people to think it is okay to bombard me with VERY personal questions in a crowd or on FB.  We are fine.  I am not freaking out or depressed or anything actually.  If $hit don't happen, it don't happen.  End of story.  But when people start making a big deal about it, I start feeling inferior...bad about myself...less of a woman....something MUST be wrong with me...its really sucky man.  Anyway, if you want to know what's going on, ask me in private and don't post $hit on my Social Media, rude! 

Your momma failed you sugar

If you were never taught that saying "when are you expecting" or "how far along are you" or something of that nature is a big no no, she failed you.  NEVER...EVER assume a woman with a pooch is prego.  Unless you know with 100% certainty say nothing...it is safer.

Case in point.  I had on a dress (not even that tight but slightly fitted)...mind you as I've stated before...I am fairly small.  Not skinny but tiny none the less.  I heard a *ding*, someone at the front desk.  Well I was all alone and went to see who was here. 

Not a customer...not a vendor...some poor lost person who had no idea where they were.  I helped them with some directions and was ready to send them on their way when they decided it was time for a chat.  I was just finishing up the directions when this happened:

Person: Is that your first?
Me: *completely oblivious* *still writing* Hmmmm?  No people get lost around here all the time.
Person: No, I meant child *pointing at me*
Me: *slowly raises head* Ummmm what? *looking down* Yeeeeaaaa no...I just ate lunch...
Person:  *getting nervous* Oh I...I just assumed...I'm, I'm sorry...
Me:  *raised eyebrow* Soooo anyway, here are the directions...uh good luck
Person: *stumbling over words*  I'm really....I didn't mean...
Me: *sigh* Please just go.  Have a great day *fake smile*
Person: *dejectedly walking away because I didn't accept their lame apology*


I'm not normally rude BUT I refuse to be like "oh honey its okay...honest mistake." No!  You are a jerk!  You basically just called me fat because I had a pooch!  It wasn't like a f**king beer belly, it was literally just slightly distended because I'd just finished a bowl of f**king pasta.  It went away in like 20 minutes.  I didn't overeat, it just doesn't have anywhere to hide while digesting...I am not that f**king big.  On top of that, it's that time where my tummy is puffy anyways (have I mentioned I hate being female sometimes?!?!) so it was a little more exaggerated than normal.  That still gives you zero excuse for assuming there was a baby in there.  One, none of your f**king business...you literally just stumbled upon my office...I do not KNOW you!  Two, even if I did semi-know you...still none of your f**king business UNLESS I tell you.  Just saying.  Quit being rude!

My "unoccupied" uterus is NOT up for discussion

Seriously though...why is this a thing?  Why do people think it is okay to ask women insanely personal questions?  And I am not talking family and close friends...I am talking about people who are basically strangers.  No one asks my husband this stuff!

I don't mind being asked, do you have kids or are y'all planning on having kids.  That is fine.  I am talking about the grilling you get after you answer those questions.  Usually my end of the convo continues like this...

No we don't have kids.
Because it hasn't happened yet.

Yes, I want kids.  
No, nothing is "wrong" with me.  (WTF is wrong with YOU?)
Have I been....tested *raised eyebrow*?  My medical history is off limits.
Why does it have to be a problem with me?
Did you really just ask me if my husband's sperm was "good"?  (guess I "asked" for that one)  I should start replying to this one with, "*pondering* it tastes different depending on what he eats"
Yes, I know how to count days
No, I am not telling you when I usually ovulate!
Yes I know I am in my thirties.
Yes, I know I am not getting any younger.
My drinking/eating habits really aren't up for discussion

No, I will NOT stop working out.  That is stupid and the opposite of what the doctor says.
Yes, we've considered artificial methods but really don't want to go broke
Yes, I know we could get a loan but...why...?
OMG there is nothing wrong with adoption...and yes I am aware they wont be "blood related"
Um thanks for the prayers...stop...stop holding my hands and gazing into my eyes *creepy*
No I am not stressing out...if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen
Really I am fine...please stop touching me
Why are you discussing MY reproductive system with another person?!?
Oh please don't give me that "pity" look, seriously I am fine
No, I wouldn't do "anything" to have a child...I am not going crazy over this...please stop.

I just feel like these are rather personal things that not everyone should think they are allowed to ask about.   It's bad enough when family starts on you I really don't need that guy I meet with twice a year asking if my Uterus is "occupied" yet.  RUDE! I swear pretty soon I am going to start saying "No, we don't want kids" which I am sure will get me a different plethora of inappropriate questions/comments.   

Opinions are like @$$holes...

...everybody's got one but you shouldn't share it with everyone.

Sorry but while I do agree that everyone has one, I do not agree that you should try to force yours on others.  Not everyone thinks the same...not everyone has the same plan.  What works for me, may not work for you.  That doesn't mean mine is wrong! 

Point being if someone gets a dog you have ZERO right to criticize them.  It is their decision.  And just for the record, it does not change them wanting to have children!!!! How the flipping f**k does that even make sense in your head!?!?!  "Oh you got a puppy...looks like no kids for you." Seriously?!?!? Go suck on a lemon!

I swear if I hear "now you have THREE big dogs but aren't you trying to have kids" one more time I may go postal.  Yes, good observation...THREE...yay, you can count...here's a cookie.  And yes I want a child (may not be possible but that's a whole other issue)...why are these things mutually exclusive???  Can I not have a baby AND have dogs???  Is there some dictation from God saying you can't have a baby as long as you have fur babies???  I didn't get that memo from the Almighty.  Maybe that's why we can't get preggo...damn divine mail service losing my important notices *rolling eyes*. 

I just..it's bad enough there is nothing medically wrong with us and no boo boo...I don't need you getting on my case because I got a bleeping dog.  Be nice to me or I will train his little @$$ to pee on you!!! Just stahp!  If you don't want dogs (cats) in your house, fine but it is MY house.  I pay for it.  I can have a zoo if I want!!! If you don't like it, don't come over!  Oh wait you don't come over anyway because we live outside of your "comfort zone".  Newsflash, living 20 min down I-10 is not that freaking far!!!!! Okay fine, add in traffic and it can be 30 min, whatever!  Other peeps come visit and they live over an hour away!!!  BUT if you are going to be a jerk about my fur babies you can stay home.  It is their home, not yours. 

Also,  dogs + a child (if that happens) does not mean the child will be in danger.  Honestly based on recent observations God help anyone that tries to harm me, my husband or my non-existent kid(s).  They won't have time to scream before two dogs and two cast rip them to shreds while the old man gases them into unconsciousness with his breath.

In other news just because one person has a "bad" experience with a specific breed being destructive doesn't mean mine will be.  We don't even know what he is for certain.  If he is a little jerk we will deal with it, it is called TRAINING, but I am not going to refuse a fur baby because he is of a certain breed.  That is racist...except with dog breeds...that is breedist!!!!

I just feel so attacked lately.  It is like I can't do anything right.  Except there is no right or wrong just someone's opinion on what they think is right for me.  Animals make me happy, buzz off!

UPDATE: OMG perfect timing.  Person called and gave me an earful about the stresses of having kids....my response "I already have kids.  They just happen to have fur and pee outside."

It is not 1920, at least last time I checked

If I am right, and I usually am, it is in fact 2015.  A time where we are not governed by the ridiculous standards of our grandparents (great grandparents) time.  Women are not just seen as an accessory for a man...they are their own people...with their own careers...with their own mind.  It hurts my brain every time I hear someone say something that sounds like it came out of the early 1900's.  I will sum it up...er, well list it out, below.  And note that I know this does not define everyone...I am just saying I have been shocked to hear such things in today's society.

1.) "Oh my God!  Did you hear she's pregnant???  She's not even married! Such a shame."

Um...first what does being married have to do with having a baby???????????  Last I checked it takes two to tango...why are we focusing on the woman here?  Who cares if there is or isn't a husband in the picture.  $hit happens people!  We are a free loving society...not many people wait till marriage to have $ex so quit being so judgmental. It isn't a shame.  What is a shame is it was probably completely unplanned which means a lot of things are going to change for her (and him).  They need our support not our sideways stares and hushed whispers. 

2.)  "She got knocked up on purpose!" 

Yes there are women who have done this but come on.  Accidents do happen ya know and again there was a guy there who had to contribute.  You think your sig other is trying to get PG on purpose wrap that $hit up son or don't sleep with her, you do have a say ya know.



3.)  "Well now they have to get married, for the baby."

Really...that is your take away here???  Sure lets force marriage on people who had a whoops.  Lets create a potential hostile situation where two people who maybe barely know each other or weren't meant to be married are coerced into it because their sexual exploits created a new life.  This just creates a higher divorce rate and a bad situation for the little one.  A baby does not equal must get married.  If at some point it happens, great, but don't force it because you are having a baby.

4.)  "Make an honest woman out of her."

I am going to nut punch you!  I am not even addressing this one further.

5.)  "You ruined my life!" 

Wow!  While I understand having a child is a big deal...saying it ruined a life is going a bit far.  And again...you took part in this.  To make a baby you had to insert tab A into slot B.  It's not like she siphoned off your little swimmers without your permission or he put them in you without permission (forced sexual content excluded).  If you aren't ready to support another life, maybe you should have thought about that before you did the horizontal mambo. 

6.)  "I pulled out, she must have cheated on me!"

WTF are you smoking?!?  Sex ed 101...pulling out doesn't work.  There is still a chance some can get through...this isn't her fault...man up!  Take some responsibility.



7.) "You can't keep it!" or "You have to keep it!"

They can do what they want...  I am not touching the pro life/pro choice debate with a 10 foot pole but I am saying if she does have the baby, adoption is a solution...if dad wants him/her okay but you can't tell her she has to keep it... just like you can't tell her she can't keep it.  He/she is her baby too...





8.) "I can't believe he is dating her...she has a child!" 

While I understand when you are in your early twenties this can be a slight hindrance it shouldn't dictate whether or not you like a person.  So what if his sig other has child already, I can almost guarantee he isn't a virgin so he very easily could have fathered a child also, even though he hasn't (that we know of). Do not judge her because she has a child, just don't...we should be a forward thinking society..STOP!

       a.) What kills me further is when said person decides he wants to marry this "harlot" and *gasp* 
             adopts her child.  Some people freak out...why?!?  I think that is very
             sweet..admirable...treating someone else's child as your own.

       b.)  Also, for some reason when the situation is reversed the guy is seen as almost a hero. "He 
             has a child.  He is clearly a good man if he is so involved in his child's life."  There isn't the
             same stereotype for him (sometimes there is but not usually).

Single dad = hero, single mom = whore...

what the actual f**k...just no.

Maybe it is just in the Deep South but I doubt it.  Life isn't easy...add a kid to it and it gets even harder but we should NOT be judging people based on this.  There are so many other more important situations we can focus on instead of whether or not a woman happens to have a child out of wedlock. 

I am surrounded by negativity...this cannot be good for my health

I just cannot get away from it lately.  I am a positive person most days.  I mean we all have down in the dumps days but I try to stay positive. 

I've always heard that if you surround yourself with positivity or negativity it will bleed into your life.  I never really used to hold any truth to that but now I am not so sure.  I find that the more upbeat and happy I try to be the more people try to bring me down.  Not everyone in my life, like my close friends for example are extremely positive and supportive.  This also goes for some of my family...notice I said SOME. 

Then there are those persons that just never say anything positive.  Examples:

Me:  Hey, how's your day? *big smile*. 
Others: Well I barely got any sleep last night because I had "tummy" problems.  So I am exhausted.  I spent the night in the bathroom.  I think it was the *insert not so healthy food*.  *insert lots of talk about gas*. 
Me: Maybe you shouldn't eat....*death glare from other person* never mind. 

Me:  Good morning!
Others: I wish my dog was still alive.  He really kept me company. 
Me: So not a good morning

Me: Hey :)
Others: Did you hear so and so died?  All my friends are dying.  I could die.  *sigh*  Oh and _____ has terminal _______. 
Me: I, uh, wow...sorry. 

Me:  Soooo how ya been??? 
Others: Did you know my house is falling apart?  He left me in this house, its all his fault.
Me: *face palm*

Me: Hi, hey hey!
Others: This country is going down the shitter.  This president is ______.  The youth of today just don't understand how to survive.   By the time you have kids we will be in another depression, I hope I am dead.
Me:  Ummmm, sooooo....

I know its not that bad but this is ALL the time.  Mind you the dog passed 2 years ago and the "he" left 28 years ago... I try to be supportive but I just can't deal sometimes.  Me *happy, yay* them *doom, gloom*  Honestly it makes me not want say anything anymore. 

I feel like I am in that scene from Robin Hood: Men in Tights:

Robin Hood: Blinkin, listen to me. They've taken the castle!
Blinkin: I thought it felt a bit drafty. Cor, this never would have happened if your father was alive.
Robin Hood: He's dead?
Blinkin: Yes...
Robin Hood: And my mother?
Blinkin: She died of pneumonia while...
[Remembers]
Blinkin: Oh, you were away!
Robin Hood: My brothers?
Blinkin: There were all killed by the plague.
Robin Hood: My dog, Pongo?
Blinkin: Run over by a carriage.
Robin Hood: My goldfish, Goldie?
Blinkin: Eaten by the cat.
Robin Hood: [on the verge of tears] My cat?
Blinkin: Choked on the goldfish.
[pause]
Blinkin: Oh, it's good to be home, ain't it, Master Robin?


I think my favorite is when I talk about babies.  Peeps are all yay, you want kinds.  *immediately goes into story about their experience*.  Which happens to be kind of awful most of the time.  I mean I am trying to get pregnant and people are telling me how hard it is, how everyone has a touch of endometriosis which can cause problems, how many miscarriages they had, how I am "older", how if we've been trying for more than ____ months there is a problem, how we are clearly infertile because it hasn't happened yet, etc, etc, etc.  I am assuming you mean well (I guess) but these are NOT what you should be telling someone who wants to get pregnant!  You should be spouting positive things not the realm of impossibilities.  Leave those diagnoses to DOCTORS! 

But these negative things are starting to affect me.  I find myself being VERY negative about the possibility of  a little one. Like I have somewhat convinced myself that something is seriously wrong with my lady parts so I shouldn't expect to have a wee wittle one.  That is sad.  It is.  I should not feel this way!  But when it is beat into your head ALL THE TIME from well meaning people then you start to believe it.  I get it...making a baby isn't easy but you could at least try to say something that wont send me into a fit of anxious tears as soon as I am alone.  Also the constant barrage of "yo, why aren't you preggo yet???" isn't helping.  I don't know.  It is not for lack of trying!  I don't mind being asked that is fine but when the same people ask over and over and over.  I am like dude, working on it! That is a pet peeve.  If you know someone who is "trying" do not keep asking them if they are...just wait.  They told you they are trying...reminding them EVERY TIME you see them that they still aren't with child can be annoying. 

I guess I am just tired of people trying to dull my sparkle.  Its like the darkness in them sees how bright my light is shining and is determined to drown it into inky blackness.  STAHP! I like being bright and lighthearted but it is becoming harder and harder to be that way.  I've always been told misery loves company, I guess I never realized how true those words were.  *sigh* I only wish those that are so miserable weren't persons I have to be around regularly. 

Being an adult sucks!

This may get really deep and personal so feel free not to read on...

Okay here goes.  You know how when you are younger you pray that you aren't preggars.  Even if you are not sexually active at that moment, if you are late you have this panicked moment where you are like "I cannot have a baby right now!".  I know you think like this too, don't lie...and if you are male and your g/f told you she was late you probably had a similar reaction.  Anyways, how many days/nights do we spend as young twenty-somethings (sometimes teens) praying, begging the higher powers to send you your monthly visitor.  Then when you see that lovely speck of red you do the freaking happy dance all around your room.  It sounds dumb but most of us are totaly guilty of this.

Why does being an adult suck?  Well because as an adult, married and "ready" for a kid(s) that little speck of red crushes a piece of your soul.  You think back to how many times you begged not to be prego and wonder if the universe is playing an ugly game with you.  Its like well you said before you didn't want it, why do you want it now.  Cause I do dammit, that's why!  Anyways I am not that far into this new way of thinking but I saw a friend go through it a couple times.  You know where she swore she was and then BAM mother nature said "just kidding".  I mean one time she was like two weeks late and although she was making jokes, I know she was crushed inside.  I hate that for her and for me and for anyone for that matter. I mean now she has a beautiful baby and I just hope I am that lucky.

Like I said before I am not that far into this "lets have kids" mantra (just a few months) but I know every time, I mean every time I get my period a little piece of me will want to just scream!  We are serious about this now, like taking temps and tracking stuff and you get the picture.  But I am trying not to be all stressed because I know that is bad too.  Like the last couple months was this and I just and panicked wondering if we waited too long.  I know I am not that old (not in twenties but not near forty yet) but these are the stupid things that go through my head at night...and now during the day.  It kinda sucks!  Plus I know how much trouble my mom had and of course that concerns me...I just hope I take after one of my g-ma's...they both had more than 4 kids with minimal issues, of course they started much younger back then.  *sigh* being an adult sucks! I hate that wanting to have a career and find my perfect match makes us wait longer to have the babies and well we all know waiting too long can be a problem.

This on top of almost everyone I know watching everything I drink!  Seriously the holidays were hilarious!  I didn't want wine but I got a glass because I KNEW the second I didn't have any alcohol, everyone would jump to conclusions.  Even with the glass I was getting stares.  Then my dear cousin made an announcement (which I am BEYOND excited for them) and everyone was like yay! Then secretly they were like I totally thought it was going to be you...gee no pressure, y'all! So I am totally "drinking" for NYE and NYD!  NYE I am buying a ginormous VIRGIN daiquiri so I don't have to pretend I am drinking...I can drink and no one will know, muahahahaha.  I am not preggo by the way, but I am trying to reduce alcohol consumption, I hear that helps *wink*.

So on top of my own freaking out internally, all of my family...including all the in-laws are like we need a baby, stat. And while I laugh and smile, a part of me is like "stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!" Even my dad...he handed me one of my nephews and was making him "talk to me" saying, "I'd really like a little cousin, please".  OMG, really?!  alright, already, geez, hahaha...ha.  But I am not mad at them, don't get me wrong...I actually think its kinda cute that they all want a little me.  I just hate being monitored constantly. 

Okay no more negative thoughts.  *whooosa whooosa* butterflies, rainbows, no pressure!  Hahaha, back to my happy thoughts.

Nola Gurl out :)

What the hell is an inkling and how do people get them?!?

Okay, okay I may already know what the actual definition of an inkling is but I only ever hear it from people over 60 y.o.a., mainly from my AMAZING grandma.  So by most definitions it means a slight hint or indication.  I mean I guess I get "inklings" about different things but I never use this word so when I hear it applied to me it makes me giggle.  I know I am weird, we have already established that. 

I've heard this term at various stages in my life, either applied to situations involving me or someone I am close to.  For some reason even though I know what it means whenever I hear it I picture a fancy ink pen with a smaller (baby) version of itself (an inkling...ya get it?!).  Stop laughing...okay laugh it up, because it makes me smile too.  Then I start to wonder where I can obtain one of these adorable inklings and I end up smiling like a fool and people stare at me like I need to be medicated. 

Where did this come from, you may ask?  Well the other night I went to hang out with my fam for Halloween.  I helped the g-ma hand out candy and had kids young and old tell me how awesome my costume was.  Yes, I am an adult and I was in a costume, I love Halloween, don't judge!   And I was informing all the older ones around me what all the kiddies were dressed as because they had no clue.  One of my favs was this adorable little girl, maybe 7 or 8 dressed as a witch, with green face and a broom.  My cousin was like are you from Wicked???  I said are you Elphaba???  And she said yes and her sister was dressed as Glinda and I was done.  I was like everybody go home, this adorable little girl wins Halloween!  Wow talk about getting off topic. 

Back to my story about inklings (hehehehe).  I poured a cup of daiquiri but didn't drink much.  I wasn't feeling 100%, as in I think I was starting to get sick (which I am sick now so yuck!).  Then later in the night I drank a lot of Iced Tea.  The next day I was going to pick up lunch and my cousin texted me.  She said "g-ma, thinks you're pregnant...she has an "inkling", hahaha".  I was in McAllister's waiting for food and did the stupid smile thing when I read inkling...I think the waitress thought I was mental.  What makes this even more strange is we are kinda trying.  Like not officially counting and taking temps but we aren't preventing.  So then I was like holy shit g-ma is psychic.  Not that I think I am preggo, I am just not well at the moment...like fever and everything.  But now I am like, what if I am...what if she just sensed something different about me...she had an inkling...how the hell does that work???  What kind of sorcery is this?!?

So now I feel like I need to go on a quest to find a baby fancy pen so that I can have my very own "inkling" and then maybe I'll be able to be psychic too!

I think my fever took my weirdness to a whole new level today...time for me to sign off.