The age range of men I find attractive is compareable to the ridiculous range of music on my iPod

Seriously though, my cute little pink iPod Nano is an insane hodgepodge of musical genres.  Yes I know I could use my iPhone but I like my little nano and I've had it forever and I have like 2,000 songs.  Clearly I have quite a music collection.  Well my little nano is getting old, it's a 5th generation and I've had it for 6 years.  With that said I still love it to bits BUT it's become temperamental in its old age.  The scroll wheel "sticks".  I freaked for a while because it got stuck on a particular album and wouldn't let me get back to the main menu.  Since then I don't dare take it off shuffle.  At least with shuffle, I still have access to all of it, *whew*. 

Which brings me to the crazy music selection.  It's a gamble what you might get, which makes my runs much more interesting.  For example, my 5K Saturday consisted of me starting with "Bailando", going to "The Wizard and I", switching to "Shameless", popping up with "Enter Sandman" and then to "Get Low".  So we have Latin, Show Tunes, Country, Rock, and Rap.  My friends were dying laughing when I crossed the finish line with "Get Your Roll On" blaring from my earbuds (okay not blaring but you get the idea).  Conclusion, I have AMAZING taste in music. 

This brings me to the reason I said all this.  My "celebrity crushes" range from "OMG, I feel like a creeper even looking at him" to "JFC, he's old enough to be my dad...and then some but dayumn".  How does that happen?!?!?!  I think it goes back to I see "beauty" in everyone.  Is that weird???  Like I can look at a 24 year old and be like, "he's hot" then see his dad and be like "and now I see why".  And were I single, I'd probably go for the dad because 24 year olds are nothing but trouble, right.  Well unless you are 24...actually even then...I'm weird, that is the only explanation.  I don't make a habit of deliberately checking out older or younger peeps for that matter but I am an observer so it happens.  Which is how I made an @$$ out of myself at the store (see this post).  Or maybe it's because the older ones don't look THAT old to me.  As in, I see them and think maaaaaaybe a 10 year gap, only to find out they are mid fifties+ and I don't know how I should feel about that. 

Which this has CLEARLY been going on for a while because I can distinctly remember being YOUNG and having super crushes on Uncle Jesse & Dr. Ross...oh and don't forget Indiana Jones!  Not to mention James Bond...oh but which one?!?!?!  How about the one that came out during my youth.

But as I've said before, age is nothing but a number so who cares.  You can't help who you are attracted to...unless you are an adult and they are children/teens...in that case seek help...PRONTO. 

If you try to dull my sparkle...I will throw glitter on you *muahahahaha*

I am the happiness fairy, be nice or I'll glitter you.  So that whole being allowed in public thing has come full circle again.  I've always been quirky/hyper-ish/slightly outgoing.  A BFF childhood friend of mine has always compared my other BFF and I to a couple of bouncing skittles (Hyper and we wear BRIGHT clothing or weird clothing...clothing other people may find strange...).  Anyways, even with my other half over 500 miles away, I still have a tendency to be bouncy and bright.  Put us together and we have a dance party in the grocery store (it has happened and it was amazing). 

Side Note - I call her my other half...because she is.  Yes, I am married and I call him my other half but its different.  Her and I are two sides of the same coin...actually we might be the same side...if you knew us...you would understand.  

So in public being "different" is frowned upon.  Don't try to deny it...anyone who is not a child that doesn't conform to the norm is weird.  Well consider me a super freak because I am, well, me. 

Things that are frowned upon (recent experiences):

1. Dancing in public - Not like full on routines or booty dancing or couples dancing.  I am talking about when music comes on in a store and you like the song and you kind of bounce around to the beat.  NOT vulgar, get your mind out of the gutter.  Just keeping rhythm.  My husband still looks at me strange but he smiles...he has adjusted, resistance is futile.  Strangers either love it *big smile* or give me the stink eye *stupid girl*.    I don't get it.  Live a little people.  Pull the sequoia out ya butt and have some fun. 

2.  Singing in public - Again, not belting it out like Mariah gone tone deaf.  Just humming along or quietly singing along.  Why is this weird?!?!?! It's not like I burst into a full on routine like in a Disney movie.  Quit hatin' or I'll sing louder and follow you around the store (just kidding...maybe).

3.  Acknowledging kids - Not in a creepy way.  But if a child approaches me or speaks to me, I am not going to ignore him/her.  The parents always apologize but it doesn't bother me.  Precocious kids are adorable.  I know, I know "stranger danger" but kids are kids...they are curious by nature.  If  a little girl holds out her hand and introduces herself, I'm not going to be rude.  But I will always look at the mom/dad first to make sure they aren't about to kill me (some parents be cray cray).  The parents are usually fine and smile because I am acknowledging their kid, it's the other people around that freak out like I'm some sort of pedophile.  

4.  Smiling is weird - Why is this weird?!?!  I smile quite a bit.  There are two types of people.  People who smile back or tell me I have a lovely smile and others who look at me like I am mental.  It's not a huge crazy smile...its just a smile.  What is wrong in your life that a SMILE offends you??? I'm not mental, I'm just enjoying my day and trying to spread my good spirits...quit being a Debbie Downer. 

I smile like this

NOT like this

5.  Being helpful - If I overhear something or notice someone having an issue, I am going to offer assistance.  Again two types of people.  People who thank me profusely for my kindness and others who are @$$holes, acting like I just tried to rob them.  You can refuse my assistance without being a jerk.  I was offering to help you get those groceries to the car not trying to steal your Eggos (I have my own basket) or your screaming child.  I'm just nice, GEEZ!  What makes this one worse is I look 100% not threatening.  I am barely 5'1", maybe a buck seventeen...at most...but I guess no one can be trusted...I get it, doesn't mean I have to like it *plfeet*.

It just concerns me that everyone is so distrusting and negative.  I know they have reasons to be...I watch the news (unfortunately)...

I may become the happiness fairy...carrying a vial of "pixie dust" to sprinkle on @$$holes to de-@$$hole them. 

But since this is real life and not a movie this may get me arrested...ya know fear of (insert bio-weapon/drug/other issue of choice).

Side Side Note - I have my moments of distrust as well.  I am not careless but I tend to trust my gut feelings about people/situations and it hasn't steered me wrong yet *knock on wood*.

Ok no problem...wait...did she just call me old?!?

This is a rant, you have been warned!

While I am fully aware that I am not 20, I am also fully aware I don't look my age.  I get mistaken all the time for being much younger which is fine, it doesn't bother me.  I attribute this to wearing a ton of sunscreen and only wearing makeup for special times (not daily), oh and good genes (thanks mom and dad).  It also helps that I am small-ish, I guess. 

With that said I don't like shopping in the "women's department" at most stores.  Misses/Juniors (yes I still shop there sometimes)/trendy.  I will go nude before I put on mom jeans and a weird fitted floral patterned t-shirt.  I do tend to buy things that aren't OVERLY trendy so they usually last a couple seasons without looking completely dated.  Well I cleaned out my closet the other day and decided I'd try out one of those second hand stores that buys your old (gently used) clothes back from you (versus just dropping it all at Goodwill). 

I take very good care of my clothing so most still looks new and its not like Walmart brand, they are nice (mostly trendy) clothes.  I brought a sack of crap to one of these stores and they were all "oh wow, okay give us a couple hours as we have a lot of peeps in front of you".  So I did.  And when I went back this tween with an attitude handed me my sack of crap back and said (with mock sweetness) "oh sorry, I didn't see anything we could buy." That was fine, I don't mind that.  But she didn't stop there.  No, then she said "it's just the brands are kind of *whispers* old." I am distracted "yea, ok. yea, whatever" thinking its because the styles are a couple years old and because I have two more stops to make before I go home.  Then it hit me.  Wait...what?!?  What you mean the styles are "old"?!?  She said "well we cater to a VERY young crowd and they don't wear THOSE brands."  So I looked in the bag making sure it wasn't the one I was supposed to bring to Goodwill (those clothes, I can understand them not taking) but no it was the correct bag.  And you know I am not one to cause a scene but come on.  So I pulled out a BCBG dress, that I've worn twice and said "Are you serious?  You are telling me BCBG isn't good enough for your store...?"  She retracted and said "oh no, we don't take semi-formal/formal attire anymore". Um you couldn't have said that FIRST?!?  So I dug further and pulled out an adorable Guess Romper *raised eyebrow* "Guess isn't good enough then?" She started stumbling over herself.  So I asked, "did you even look in the bag?" *stuttering*. 

Then her manager (maybe) walked up and was sweet as sugar saying "we aren't really accepting ANY women's clothing, we are stocked (pointing at a sign that was WAY above my point of view). But men's clothing and accessories, those we need." That is 100% fine with me and I said so but I was irritated with the way it was handled.  Why couldn't that little girl say "sorry we aren't taking women's clothing at the moment" that is polite, instead of insulting me (because lets be real, you only say that if you are trying to be an @$$), saying my "style" was too old.  I have a feeling they really didn't look in the bag because of the way I was dressed when I walked in.  I was dressed for work which does have an "older" style, because ya know I have restrictions on what I can wear and whatnot. 

I was just flabbergasted at the way it was handled.  Kudos to the manager for trying to make it better but they lost a customer.  I used to shop there and I can tell you with 100% certainty I will never step foot in there again (and yes I did politely voice that before I left).  There are ways to handle customers without putting them down.  Being a brand snob or judging someone on their appearance is not really how it should be handled.  Maybe I should try one of the national chains and see if they are more professional.  Actually I think I am just going to use the online ones Poshmark, Tradesy, Thread-up, etc. 

Facebook you have gone too far!

Excuse you master of social media but I don't think that is anything I need or want to discuss with you.

I don't recall Googling ANYTHING that would have prompted this to pop up in my feed. The last thing I googled was flowers on sale on Zulily!  I just find this inappropriate on various levels.  Stupid web tracking bull$hit.  Also, that rose in the vag...really?!?!  Yea yea it's your "flower" or whatever but roses have thorns and I really wouldn't recommend putting a plant near your hoohah.

In other news...
I am reading this "story" and I swear my head may explode because it is so out there!  Not in a good way, in a "do you understand how the sex works" kind of way.  But I keep reading it because its like a f**king train wreck, I just can't look away.  I must know how this insanity ends!

I'll sum it up briefly.  Young girl (about 30) meets handsome-ish older man (about 56) and falls in love.  Okay THAT does NOT bother me.  What bothers me is he is 56, not on his deathbed!  The whole story seems to revolve around him being self conscious about his "aging" body, how he is past his prime and will die a horrible death leaving the girl all alone.  Okay yea, obvi he is MUCH older but come on, he ain't dead yet.  So like there is all this "old man" talk, like he has dementia (yes, I know it can happen young but good lord), he takes 10 pills twice a day for this insane list of issues which include but aren't limited to COPD, Anxiety & heart disease (yes, I know this can happen but really...at 56?, my dad is 64 with COPD and he is not like this.  Hell my father in law IS 56 and smokes just like this character and he looks like a strapping young man), this guy is basically decrepit.  

Then there is the sex thing.  When writing at least TRY to make it believable.  I get that its fiction/fantasy but when you say things like "he made her orgasm 6 times in a row with just his digits before burying himself in her" I put my iPad down and laugh hysterically.  Also, if a guy is 8 inches long and 4 inches wide while flaccid and then 10 inches long and 6 inches wide excited, jfc RUNAWAY......OW!  That is like split you in two kid of d**k.  That my friend is not normal!  That is porn star level c**k!  That isn't appealing...what that is...is terrifying!  It sounds like a case of elephantiasis.  I don't think there is any amount of slowness and breathing that could stretch ya for THAT!  Which brings me to, did she unhinge her f**king jaw?!!??!  Count me impressed...I guess.  I am hoping the writer did some conversions wrong because otherwise...YIKES!  Side note, if he is so "decrepit" then how is this exhaustive sex possible...hmmmm?


Moving on...he is also a royal @$$hole (I can deal with this a little) and he is possessive.  Not protective...POSSESSIVE..."she is mine...don't look at her...Grrrrrr!"  Is that romantic...is it....I don't find it to be but I...whatever.  Then there are these pretty awful depictions of gay couples.  Not as in gay bashing really but like stereotypical attributes.  Like one is the female and one is the male.  How gay men lust after every man they see.  How just because there are two single gay men in a room they instantly fall in love.  How ALL girls experiment in college making them all Bi for the remainder of their lives and want threesomes.  I kissed a girl...and I liked it (sorry, not sorry) but I don't think that makes me anything other than me.  Honestly its a bit unnerving.  And I think in trying to be "open-minded" they made this aging piece of $hit Bi.  That is fine but the descriptions of how he feels about men and women sound so juvenile my only conclusion is the writer HAS to be 12 (can you publish soft porn at 12?).  Yet, I continue to read it because I am clearly bonkers.  I just think at this point I must know how this insanity will end.  I have a feeling the old dude is going to kick the bucket because you know 56 is ANCIENT *rolling eyes* and his "baby" of a girlfriend is going to have to care for him like he is in a f**king hospice.

Rant over!