Sometimes I don't fit in...and that's OKAY!

I am not here to debate gun control.  But you cannot deny those types of shows attract a certain...type of people....

So I went to a "Weapons" show.  Not because I needed anything but because I was asked to please go.  Now I had something else to do after so I was WAY over dressed for this.  I felt like some kind of Malibu Barbie walking in all made up.  

Everyone was in camo, anti Biden, pro Trump, anti government, anti wife, misogynistic, attire.  I am not exaggerating.  Soooo many signs saying "don't worry what your wife will say, buy the gun".  Ha ha.  Okay *rolling eyes*.  

Now I am not trying to say I am like some blonde goddess or something but I'm cute.  I have never had so many people just open mouth stare at me.  Like blatantly stare.  I mean clearly out of place and overdressed but at least try to not STARE.  It was making me uncomfortable!  Anyways what pissed me off was how irresponsible people were. 

1. COVID is still a thing people.  Delta Variant is happening. Can we try and not spread it?  Based on the attire and attitude I am guessing most people here were not vaccinated.  I was masked up because people be gross yo.  But not many other people were and although I gots the shot, I am not taking any chances. 

2.  I watched a women COUGH LOUDLY into her hands, then pick up a handgun and hand it to a customer to look at

3. Everytime I passed one of those "self defense" booths MEN would zap a taser near me  One time I about jumped out of my skin he said "see you need one.  and look it's a nice girly purple!".  'scuse you!

4. I was looking at some pocket knives for when I go fishing and was told more than once "you don't want that one, you could hurt yourself.  Here look at this pretty pink one".  Oh you can just f**k off, sale lost. 

5. Did I mention the taser zapping people?!?!?!  Another guy did it, tried to hand me the taser, then said "I could have gotten you and you wouldn't have known what happened"  Then zapped it again. WTAF man?!?!  I'm going to zap you in the balls if you do that again!

6.  CHILDREN!  I have no issues with kids learning about things and safety and stuff.  But I watched a woman looking at a bracelet on a table while her 4 year old was standing there waving a dagger she had picked up.  I stammered out some sort of "Ummmm, she has a knife" and mom freaked a little and took it away.   

            A. In that same vein, I saw another very young child pick up a glock and point it at me, then start                     giggling.  Now I know NOTHING is loaded but that is 100% not cool!!!!!    

I've been to shows before and have no issues with weapons but this one was...it was weird.  It felt...it just didn't feel right.  It was concerning...

Who knew lotion could be so dangerous...!

So my lovely bestie got me hooked on this monthly "soap" box. Its not all just soap though.  Its hair stuff and makeup and perfume oil and wax tarts and and and.  AND 99% of it smells amazing.  A while back it got me some weird attention when ordering food (see here).

Whenever I wear or use something I always have someone say "that smells so good, what is that?!?!"

Well it happened again...like a weird one...not a "oh that smells good".

This month was Jurassic Park themed *squeeeeeeee*

There is a Body Milk *snicker snicker* called "Spared No Expense" that smells like happiness at the beach.

So in the evening after I shower and in the morning before I dress I use it.  I've only had it since Monday, so not even a week.  Last month was 80's themed and there was a perfume oil called "Billy Jean" and it smells like summer and childhood memories. 

I don't have the scent descriptions in front of me but I can tell you they are soooo good.  Separately, I love them.  Well this week I've been wearing them together and *head explodes*. 

They mesh perfectly. 

Moving on, we had a visitor this week...a person I've NEVER MET.  Well he helped me with a couple of things in my office.  After two days, I guess he felt more comfy with me.  So we are talking and he takes a deep breath and says "You smell like sunshine and rainbows".  And I just...WHAT?!?!

I don't know what sunshine and rainbows smell like but that was.... well unexpected....

I said thanks but he had this weird smile .... 

He recovered quickly and it was all business and talks about our families.  Its fine, I think I just make people very stupid comfortable because of my personality.  Seriously, he wasn't being oogy, I think we became fast friends and I wasn't expecting that reaction from someone I knew less than 48 hours. 

He's not said anything again thankfully...he's probably embarrassed...that was a 13 on the 1-10 scale....

No, yea I am 100% positive I've never searched for a penis elongator....

So I thought those "sponsored ads" on FB were supposed to be related to your google searches or purchases or whatever.  Because the ones I got the other day were far from anything I have EVER searched. 

Imagine my surprise when I was scrolling and I saw this....

At first I was like its a back brace...then I looked closer.  WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?!?!?! 

And it CLEARLY has a weighted something tugging on it.  Conclusion...I don't know why is this in my Facebook feed?!?!  And why are my friends "liking" this page!?!?!? What is this store?!?!

So I swiped left to see what else this f**ked up store had "suggested" for me ...I don't know why I do this to myself....

That is obviously someone with their pants pulled down.  I know I know they are trying to show the fleece lining and I might have googled something like this but there are WAY BETTER WAYS to illustrate that..... just saying.  Next...

Can you see it?!?! Here look closer so you can be horrified like me!!!

What....why....OMG....what is that for...?
ya know what don't answer that...
wait, is she putting a thumb in the butt!?!!?!

*sobbing*

But wait there's more...

What is that?!?  Is that a poopy potty?!?!  I see baby butt...can't we just use diapers....?

I can't stop myself...what else is there?!?

Oh...okay...whew the small picture shows it as an "Exhaust Plug"

But...but lets get real...that's.....that's for Butt stuff isn't it....I just saw an over-sized ribbed butt plug.  And if it isn't, can you blame me for thinking that after the other f**ked up pictures I just saw?!!?!?!

One more swipe....

OMG something I did actually google!!!!!!!  More than SIX pictures in...yes there were other weird products but nothing as weird as these...why why why why why why why why....

And no, I swear I have never searched for ANYTHING that should have shown me any of those other pictures....besides the leggings...I am thoroughly confused and concerned....

It's not a f**king storage cubbie!

LINK

Stop putting weird $hit in your vajayjay!!!!

Things you can put in your lady parts:
- fingers
- penises
- fake penises
- feminine hygiene products
- Lubes/Creams made for it
- Other toys MADE to put in there

Things you should NOT put in your hoohah:
- Syringes (WTF MAN?!?!)
- Money (Ewwwww, have you seen that special about how germy money is?!?!)
- Pills (that $hit can be ABSORBED into your...look its just a bad idea and makes me think of instant DEATH)
- Weird herbals suggested by that wacko celebrity
- Honestly if you have to think "hmmmm, should I put this in there"; you probably SHOULD NOT!

But seriously drugs are BAD.  Don't drink and drive...don't get high and drive...don't drive impaired...just STOOOOOOOOP!  

Also, I remember a few years ago a friend of mine who works in the ER admitted someone with a...wait for it...SUNGLASSES CASE stuck in the peesh.  Not like a tiny travel case.  Like those MONSTER things you see at Sunglass Hut for designer glasses....STOP PUTTING WEIRD $HIT IN YOUR HUMP HOLE!

I have failed as a Whovian

So I wore this shirt...since its Friday...and Halloween is Monday...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Cute, right?!?!  Whatever, I think its adorable.

Anyways, I was walking around my office and the following happened:

CW: I don't get it.  Why would anyone Trick or Treat at a Police Box....thingy?
Me: *stupid stare*
CW: Is that a British thing?  Do they do that in Britain?
Me: *confused stare*
CW: I for one wouldn't walk up to a police box...you never know who could be lurking around or INSIDE!
Me: *wtf stare*  

I finally said..."Its a...its a Doctor Who reference...."
CW: *stupid stare* What's that...?

Me: *AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!*

Ha! I explained, in as calm...not a super weirdo nerd way possible, what Doctor Who is. 

CW: oh you and your one season shows.
Me: *thump*

Sorry I passed out.  

Me: What?!?!?!  Its been on the air for over 50 years!!!
CW: oh, well I've never heard of it so it mustn't be that popular.

Just kidding.  But how can you not know...even just in name...I have a T.A.R.D.I.S. on my car.  I pre-ordered tix to the 50th viewing in my area and talked about it.  I talked about meeting Jenna Coleman for a Photo Op at WWNOLA.  I wear fandom shirts and make fandom references (not just about DW). And.......what rock have you been living under?!!?!? Sorry, sorry, sorry...I forget not everyone watches things other than reality TV....

No but really, just by me being...well me...they should have at least known the name....we've worked together for 12 years....

Ahhhhhhhh! Stop being so attractive, adorable, smart...gah!

Let's play a game...who am I talking about?!?!  No really.  I am not a person who is obsessed with celebs.  I mean I appreciate talents and notice attractiveness but I usually don't follow people.  Well, I'll follow them on Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat but mainly because they are fun/funny (see John Barrowman)...not really to get a peak into their lives, well not always (see John Barrowman accidentally showing his hubby's manly parts in a live FB feed).  Although half the time I'm not sure if its actually them or some paid assistant who is posting.

Weeeeeell some you can tell its them *ahem* Mr. Padalecki *ahem*.  Anyways, there are many who don't use social media and honestly I don't blame them...SOME PEOPLE ARE LEGIT CRAZY!  So we don't really get a glimpse of them outside of the TV Shows/Movies they are in.  Then you see an interview and OMG STOP IT!  Either way these stupidly attractive/talented people make me realize I want (need) to do more in life.  I mean I am not talented in that respect BUT I want to travel...ALOT...soooooo reach for the stars and such...right? *big cheesy smile*.

Moving on...stop driving us all insane with your adorableness!!!  Gah!  You can't be talented...and hot...and NICE...and intelligent...that just isn't fair. 

So who am I talking about...hmmmm.  "I'll never teeeeeelll" *weird squiggly air finger*

SIDE NOTE - Great movie...I need to watch it again.  I still can't believe she died...*tear*

SIDE SIDE NOTE - I am not just referring a person...or just men...I have some lady crushes...still not telling!

SIDE SIDE SIDE NOTE - I really feel like if I met some of them, I'd become a sudden mute.  I never used to be like this!!!  Is this what happens with age?!?!?  F**k that....