That's it, where is the "unlucky" rabbits foot...it needs to be salted and burned!

For real though, can we get a "reset the day button".  A do-over, like in video games.  $hit is going down fast lets try again. 

1.  My cable company *cough* Comcast *cough, cough* sucks real big donkey d**k.  I've tried and tried and tried and f**king tried to make it work with them and it just isn't (stupid contract keeping me in a bad relationship*grumble grumble*).  They will be fine for like 2 months and then I have to call and freak out because my service is $hit or because they billed me wrong or pick something, its probably happened!  Because of said $hitty service we bought our own cable modem for the interwebs and shockingly enough $hit suddenly works...you can't tell me they don't f**k with your stuff when they have access to it...I sound crazy but I don't think I am.  Anyways, I returned their CRAP modem and got a receipt.  This was in JULY!  It was removed for August, then in September it popped back up on my bill...hold up Mother F**ker what you trying to pull here?!?!?!?  I try to call and I can't get through.  The call immediately drops WTF.  I had FIVE OTHER PEOPLE try from their cell phones (all ATT) and they can't get through...I had someone from a Verizon phone call and it worked...hmmmmm. Also, landlines work....hmmmmm. Whatever, I call, I lose my $hit its credited back and I am told the phone issue is an ATT issue.  Okaaaaaaay.  They say its a Comcast issue (I'll get to that in the next).  I loud cap Comcast on Twitter and finally someone believes me because HIS phone which isn't in LA can't dial the 800# either...I think I heard angels sing. 

 

Anyways....October bill and November bills are fine and suddenly I get a letter "Ooooops we've been billing you wrong, you will see a $10 charge for your Wireless Gateway on the next bill".  What the actual f**k?!?!?!  I DON'T HAVE THAT ANYMORE!  So I try to call and the stupid f**king 800# wont work.  I don't have a landline so I loud cap them AGAIN on Twitter.  He was helpful but didn't believe me.  I sent a picture of the receipt and the letter.  He said "July?!?!?!" Yes f**king July!  Stop trying to bill me for stuff I don't have!!!!  It gets "fixed" after they call me.  And I am told again the phone thing is an ATT issue, call them.  Mother F**ker!!!!

2.  After the 1st insanity with Comcast in September, ATT does some research.  They can't see anywhere its blocked.  They reset my something to my phone.  They checked that I don't have 800#'s blocked (clearly, I don't because I can f**king call them).  They are very nice and concerned and trying to be helpful.  I get to a top tech dude and he is baffled.  They put in a service ticket.  They call me four days later and say its a Comcast issue and they will work with them to fix it.  K, thanks, bye.  After the most recent fiasco I call them AGAIN. I get another tech dude.  He basically does the same $hit and blames Comcast.  I finally had had enough and said "I don't care whose problem it is tell me HOW to fix it!" I told him it started after Baton Rouge and the surrounding areas flooded.  I know for a fact that a MAJOR ATT hub went under and we ALL had service issues for the next week.  So maybe check that and quit putting me off.  I think I stunned him with my "infinite" f**king intelligence.  Look dude I'm not a moron, I did my own investigation before I called.  He opened another ticket so they can see exactly what is happening and let me know.  Great....

3.  My 4 y/o f**king car decided that it wants to leak oil.  Why?!!?!? So I call two different dealerships that service my type of vehicle and ask questions.  Mind you I've already looked up recalls and known issues and *gasp* this is a known f**king issue with the y/m/m of my car *face palm*.  I leave detailed messages with the service admin for a tech or manager to call me but I leave out my knowledge of the issue, just say whats happening. 

• Dealership 1 calls me back.  Oh that sounds like a cracked oil pan (mind you I haven't hit anything and it just started when the temp dropped below 35). More than likely that is it and it will cost roughly $625 because of labor and parts.  So I said, I've been told its a faulty drain plug.  So they say well probably not but if its that, it is $354 because of labor & parts.  I said the part is like $50...you can't tell me it will take you 2.5 hours to replace a plug....? They said yes...okay I'll call y'all when I am ready.

• I get an email from Dealership 2.  "We have received your inquiry on the (y/m/m of my current car).  That is an excellent choice!   A sales team member will make every effort to contact you within one hour or less to answer any questions you made in your initial contact and see how we can help you. We realize you have a choice when shopping for a vehicle and we thank you for giving us a chance to earn your business."  
  WHAT THE F**CK?!?! My response may have been a tad @$$hole-ish.  "Yea, I know a (y/m/m of my current car) is great...I own one.  I bought it from y'all....I wanted a quote about a repair that I've been informed is a flaw in many (y/m/m of my current car)'s...it leaks oil." less than a minute later I get a call from a service tech.  I explain the issue.  He says (without me saying anything about the "known" issue)  "Oh, they probably left the old gasket on the drain plug.  Each new oil filter has a new gasket.  If they don't remove the old one the drain plug doesn't fit as snugly so it leaks." I ask about cost...he said "do you need an oil change? That's all it will cost."

So based off this info...one dealership wants to charge me $600+ dollars to fix something that isn't wrong when the other dealership will fix it for $69. 'Scuse me while I scream into a pillow.  

4.  I went purchase something at a store on my way home.  There were 4 people in front of me at checkout.  I got to the counter.  Got my stuff rung up and the f**king system crashes.  Not just reboots...CRASHES. The poor clerk was so distraught.  He tried everything.  I couldn't leave...I needed to make that purchase.  45 min later I am finally on my way home.  Wine and soft PJ's are calling my name.

5.  I got home and one of the pups had had explosive poopies all over the place.  It smelled like something died in my house.  I legit started crying...and laughing...but mostly crying.  F**k a glass of wine & PJs, someone give me a bottle of Scotch and a punching bag!  

Yay for it being my last day of work for the week.  I don't think I can handle much more stupidity...

Do you want a Robot Apocolypse because that's how you get a Robot Apocalypse!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Can you imagine? 

Mom: Hey Little Johnny this is Mickey Mouse!  No wait no flas...CRAP!
Mickey: *shorting out* *sparks flying* Kill all humans!  Die die die! He-heh *Mickey Laugh*

Oh and by the way...SIMPSON'S DID IT! 

OMG people calm down!!! It isn't the end of the world, well it might be on Saturday...

Okay, like I said before I get REALLY angry when local governments/neighborhoods get together and decide to move Trick or Treating to the Satruday before Halloween because it's on a Tuesday or whatever.  I think that is dumb and it makes me want to go all Michael Myers on them. 

But this time I have to kind of agree with the parishes, its a safety thing.

You see we are supposed to have 100% chance of rain Saturday night.  Not just rain, but thunderstorms and heavy downfall.  And while there was many a year where I Trick or Treated in the rain and cold we NEVER ventured out in severe weather.   It didn't happen often but I can remember a couple times where I didn't get to go Trick or Treating so I still dressed up, mom made popcorn, and we watched scary movies.  Was I happy about it?  Of course not I was a kid but what else were we going to do? 

With that said starting yesterday many of the parishes in S.E. Louisiana began saying they were moving Halloween to Friday.  And people are LOSING THEIR $HIT!  I get it, I do but they aren't moving Halloween, they are moving Trick or Treating.  And as much as I hate to say it, it makes sense.  But it was a poor choice of words news stations. 

Look, the weather is supposed to be INSANE in the area.  It is an outdoor holiday and they are thinking about safety first.   Also, as the Sheriff of one of the parishes said families spend a bit of money on Halloween.  They buy costumes and candy and decorations.  It would be a shame to let it all go to waste because of the weather.  It.makes.sense. 

So people calm the f**k down!  You can still "celebrate" Halloween.  Try to be positive!  Think of it as getting TWO evenings of Halloween fun, instead of just one.  Friday you do the Trick or Treating thing and Saturday you sit home watching scary movies in the crazy weather.  Its a win win people!

Wait, isn't that how many scary movies begin?  A girl all alone watching TV while the wind howls and the rain pounds the roof.  Suddenly the lights go out, the dogs starts growling and *dun dun dun*, I dunno you fill in the rest.   

Crap...I'm going to be home alone...great I just scared myself. 

My "unoccupied" uterus is NOT up for discussion

Seriously though...why is this a thing?  Why do people think it is okay to ask women insanely personal questions?  And I am not talking family and close friends...I am talking about people who are basically strangers.  No one asks my husband this stuff!

I don't mind being asked, do you have kids or are y'all planning on having kids.  That is fine.  I am talking about the grilling you get after you answer those questions.  Usually my end of the convo continues like this...

No we don't have kids.
Because it hasn't happened yet.

Yes, I want kids.  
No, nothing is "wrong" with me.  (WTF is wrong with YOU?)
Have I been....tested *raised eyebrow*?  My medical history is off limits.
Why does it have to be a problem with me?
Did you really just ask me if my husband's sperm was "good"?  (guess I "asked" for that one)  I should start replying to this one with, "*pondering* it tastes different depending on what he eats"
Yes, I know how to count days
No, I am not telling you when I usually ovulate!
Yes I know I am in my thirties.
Yes, I know I am not getting any younger.
My drinking/eating habits really aren't up for discussion

No, I will NOT stop working out.  That is stupid and the opposite of what the doctor says.
Yes, we've considered artificial methods but really don't want to go broke
Yes, I know we could get a loan but...why...?
OMG there is nothing wrong with adoption...and yes I am aware they wont be "blood related"
Um thanks for the prayers...stop...stop holding my hands and gazing into my eyes *creepy*
No I am not stressing out...if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen
Really I am fine...please stop touching me
Why are you discussing MY reproductive system with another person?!?
Oh please don't give me that "pity" look, seriously I am fine
No, I wouldn't do "anything" to have a child...I am not going crazy over this...please stop.

I just feel like these are rather personal things that not everyone should think they are allowed to ask about.   It's bad enough when family starts on you I really don't need that guy I meet with twice a year asking if my Uterus is "occupied" yet.  RUDE! I swear pretty soon I am going to start saying "No, we don't want kids" which I am sure will get me a different plethora of inappropriate questions/comments.   

Why do you care so much?!?!?

Okay time to be serious for a second.  So I have this "friend" on Facebook.  I put friend in quotes because although we were kinda tight in school we have drifted apart and based on recent posts they are insane now.

Excuse me while I become a broken record but like I've said before EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion(s).  You can have them all day long but once your start forcing your beliefs/opinion(s) on others that NEGATIVELY affects them I want to cover you in paper cuts, roll you in salt and throw you into a pool of lemon juice.

You can be religious, that is fine.  If your religion says that being homosexual is wrong, fine (I guess).  I loosely (key word) follow the same religion but I have a very, very different belief.  These people are just like you and me.  They are human and sorry to burst your bubble but they were also made in God's image so to say.  Some immensely religious people from our youth are gay and that is OKAY!  They were brought up just like us, you can't tell me they were suddenly "corrupted by Satan" or whatever nonsense you have been blabbing all over the inter-webs.  You want freedom of Religion, freedom of speech, just FREEDOM to be you but you don't want these people to have the same?  Why?!?!?! Because they are different?  If you didn't know their preference would you still treat them like they have a horrible disease?  No you wouldn't...so why does it matter to you?!?!?!

How does a gay couple getting married affect you exactly?!?!?!  Because they like someone of the same sex they are evil...bad...corrupt and getting married would enhance that somehow????  I know enough people to know that they are 100% the same as us in every aspect except who they are attracted to.  They just want to be happy with who makes them happy...WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH!?!?  Are you scared your children will *gasp* be gay?!?!  And what if they are?  It wont be because they saw two guys kissing...it isn't a freaking lifestyle choice.  If they are attracted to the same sex there is no changing that...it is just who they are so stop trying to change them! I'd be more worried that a serial killer moved in next door.  A gay couple wont murder you in your sleep, they'll probably bring you a bottle of wine and try to be your best friends...ya know like a normal couple because that is all they are, a NORMAL COUPLE.  Stop putting awful things on your Facebook.  You sound like a crazy person!!!

Them: *posts article about "gay marriage" in their area* "OMG, this better get overturned!  They'll start spreading this like the plague!!!"
Me:  *thinking* Did you just compare "gay marriage" to plague??? Are you f**king kidding me?!?!? 


Just note that I'm not associated with them anymore.  A while back I posted something about two of my friends getting married in another state, "OMG (Insert Friend name) and (Insert other friend name) are getting married in (insert state name) today!!!" It was meant to be happy.  I posted the exact same effing thing when my BFF and her husband got married last year.  But on this one, swear to God they commented with "OMG how horrifying!  I can't believe they are doing that to you!!!" Ummmm what?!?  They think just because we knew each other and are both Catholic that my post was meant to be negative.  Why would I TAG them if I was trying to be an @$$????  I responded with "I am happy for them, they are my friends." They responded with "you should know that it is wrong and are guilty by association." Guilty of what?!?!  I ended up deleting the exchange because I didn't want my friends to see it.  I instead messaged them my well wishes.  I am surprised they left me as a friend on FB since I associate with such "heathens", I should have deleted them then but I forgot about them honestly.

Then recently they went on a rant about a transgender child who was wanting to use the girls bathroom because he identifies as female.  They were going bat$hit about him just wanting to peep on the girls and that he was a perv and all this other really awful stuff.  I think they went so far as to say  something about transgender persons being monsters and accepting them would be the "downfall of society" and the beginnings of "Armageddon".  For one she is a CHILD, stop it!  Second, she was asking because she was getting bullied horrifically in the boys bathroom.  There were other things posted about this topic.  One about a female in the army who identified as male and another that happened at a gym.  The army sided with my "friends" beliefs, the gym sided with mine.  Can you picture the comments that happened?!?!?  They were awful...(I finally blocked them).  Mind you I saw these articles on other pages as well but they weren't posted with hatred. 

Seriously the things they said made me want to cry.  Doesn't your religion teach you about acceptance????  Teach you to love EVERYONE???  I seriously don't think Jesus was like "love everyone...except that guy...don't love him, he is different".  I don't see this type of discrimination often because I happen to be "straight" and tend to surround myself with people who think like me. But when I see it I want to build a wall and protect all those who experience this type of hate.  No one deserves to be treated poorly just because they are "different".  That goes for EVERYONE not just who you choose to believe is like you. 

Sure, lets all sign a blood pact and die slowly together!

So there is this smoking ban possibly happening down here...it is causing a very heated debate and I don't quite get what all the hubbub is about.  I do not smoke...never have...well not...not important.  Anyways, I've always HATED IT.  I grew up in a strangely typical 80's household where both parents smoked...inside...with me there...and in the car...with me there.  I didn't realize how much I disliked it until my dad remarried and wasn't allowed to smoke indoors.  That is when I started to notice things...like everything I owned smelled like an ashtray.  Dude I was like 10 and started getting paranoid!  This must mean when I go to school...OMG!  Things happened and my mom thoroughly hated my antics until I went to college but that is for another blog post. 


My point is I have a strong dislike for being around smoke so I may be a bit biased.  With that said when I turned 18 (possibly a little before - tee hee hee) I started going out...party all night...come home sweaty and smelling like a pack of ciggys.  Nothing abnormal about that...its just how things were.   Then I started having a skin reaction.  That's right as a blossoming young adult I developed a rather odd allergy.  Whenever I was surrounded by clouds of smoke, even worse in a poorly ventilated area, (be it a club or a house/apt) my eyes would burn almost unbearably and the next day I wouldn't have just normal purple circles under my eyes...they would be bright red and puffy.  The skin would eventually HARDEN, turn scaly (ewwww), and peel off.  "Hmmmm that's odd."  Anyways we discovered I developed an allergy to smoke...go figure.  I dealt with it...what was I going to not go out...are you kidding, I was in college!  I learned to live with it (cortisone creme was my BFF)...then I went to New York and my perception was forever changed.

You see they had recently passed a law there where you couldn't smoke in a restaurant/bar/club/public area/whatever.  Down here we were working on the just banning it in food establishments (which didn't happen until 2007).  It was amazing.  We went back to the hotel after going out and didn't smell like we bathed in an ashtray!  Of course this was short lived as we came home...back to the smokey bars and clubs of the south. 

I have NEVER forgotten that and have always wished something like that would happen down here.  I have so many friends and family that work in the bar/club industry.  Some do smoke but many don't.  It cannot be good for them to be immersed in that much second hand smoke all the time.  So I was ecstatic when there was talk of this ban. But apparently smokers and non-smokers alike who work in the industry are very upset.  Saying that this will be the end of Bourbon Street...it will kill revenue at the casino...people will lose their jobs. 

Look I am not dumb, I am aware the industry will probably take a hit.  People may stop going out to some of these establishments because they cannot smoke inside or whatever.  But isn't this worth it?!?!  Not only a healthier environment for the workers and non-smoking patrons BUT it would encourage others to possibly quit...maybe.  I am sure the markets in NY and CA (among countless other individual counties/cities) took hits when they banned smoking in bars but I am fairly certain they have recovered.   I just don't see a strong enough argument against the ban.  I guess it could affect tourism but I don't believe it will be to the degree that people are screaming.  I may be completely wrong but I don't think people specifically travel here just because they can smoke in our establishments.  There are studies...many many studies showing no adverse affects on businesses caused by smoking bans. I dunno...I know business owners feel like their right to choose is being taken away...I just can't get behind it to continue with everything we know. 

I think all the rigamarole is because people inherently don't like change.  This is something different therefore it is seen as bad.  Look it is 2015, we all know the dangers of smoking and secondhand smoke.  It may not be proven 100% to cause cancer (2nd hand smoke) but it causes a load of other issues.  This is a step in the right direction, not something negative.

P.S.  Yes I think there are other more important things to be concerned about like the increase in crime in the City but this is what they are talking about right now.

**NOTE**- I am not a business owner nor do I work in the industry so I may be missing a huge piece of the puzzle.