Birthday Buggin

Birthdays come and go.  Every year seeming to come faster and faster. 

I know its hard but I really try to just live.  Enjoy life.  Do what makes me happy.  

This year was no different.  The problem is my birthday is in Prime Spring.  Bugs and pollen in abundance.

On my special day we decided to have night caps....outside....in New Orleans.

1st off its already humid as hell

2nd...OAK TREES

3rd Swarming season

So while I am not hot flashing really...it's getting there so this chick that's always cold randomly gets...warm.  Especially if its hella humid outside. 

So as sweat was dripping down my crack something landed in my espresso martini. But before I sould investigate, WTF just just pegged me in the face?!? OMG its a june bug!!!!

Those effing things seemed to be drawn to my bright @$$ dress!!!  I swatted a few *ping* *ping* but they kept coming back!  One landed on my head and I thought my soul was going to leave my body.  

Then I remembered something floating in my drink.  Are those ....wings??!!  OMG its a termite!  That's when I noticed the sporadic fluttering above us near the lights.

Mid me fishing the termite out of my drink I see hubs out the corner of my eye swatting at something.  Before I could register what was happening something pegged me in the chest and went down my shirt.  Queue me panicking and realizing a spastic bug just landed between my tatas.  Before I could really react it flew out an pegged hubs in the forehead. 

At this point, after finishing my martini (yes I still drank it after fishing out the termite), we decided to bolt before something BIGGER than a june bug/termite came out of the trees. 

Pterodactyl Screech

Look I am not generally scared of things but sometimes nature has other plans and it makes my neighbors question my sanity.  

It's been a couple years since I've really gardened and I decided this year, it's happening!

I'm used to creatures.  I'm used to bugs.  I'm used to pollen. 

At a distance!

When I am pulling weeds for a while I tend to sit down instead of kneeling.  I also usually wear pants and long sleeves. This is important. 

As I was tirelessly clearing the garden I saw movement out the corner of my eye.  I looked down and froze in horror.  I had MULTIPLE garden beetles crawling on my arms and legs.  I tried swiping and shaking my arm but they wouldn't budge.  They were crawling higher. 

Queue panic!!! I started frantically trying to get them off, saying "No no no, get off get off get off!!!".  One made it to by bicep and I freaked out jumping up and shaking all my limbs saying "get off get off get off!!!!"

I finally started flicking at them, manically laughing, as they came free.  After I was certain all were off of me I heard "Hey dere girl, you good?"  

My neighbor and his nephew...SAW THE WHOLE THING.

One of these days one of my neighbors is going to film my antics. 

A life not lived

I know I have intense dreams but this one was different.  This one felt a little too real.  

I was in college and I met this guy.  It was a whirlwind romance and we ended up getting married after graduation.  He was my current husband but in reality we met much later in life. 

We went though all the things.  Laughter, love, hardships, etc.  After multiple miscarriages we finally had a baby. We lived in a two story house near my parents.  It was very bright, lots of windows and light colors.  We were happy. 

I remember all the 1sts of our baby boy.  His name was Adam.  His crawling, walking, talking, 1st day of school.  I remember ALL OF IT.  We went through the milestones but also the little things.  I remember scrapped knees and sleepless nights.  I remember pets from babies to death and explaining to him death.  I remember vacations to the beach, the mountains, EUROPE (I’ve never been to Europe…but I have a distinct visual of a museum). 

I remember my parents.  Most of all my mom….she wasn’t like she is in reality.  She didn’t listen to my grandparents and was actually happy with her life. We all grew older. He went away to college.  I experienced empty nesting.  We went on lots of vacations. He would visit during semester breaks.  

We grew older together.  He lived out of town.  One day he came home unexpectedly.  He was making microwave Mac and cheese just like he did when he was a teenager.  He told us me met a girl and he was going to ask her to marry him. 

I remember being so happy.  I remember crying.  I remember the wedding.  And then I woke up.  I woke up and wondered what Adam was doing. Then I got really confused and realized it was 6AM and I needed to get up for work soon. 

I spent the whole day in a daze wondering about this “dream”.

I lived a whole @$$ life in one night.  I didn’t type all the details but I can picture every piece of the kitchen.  I remember going into labor and being rushed to the hospital. The blue dress I wore to his wedding.  My graying hair that actually looked kinda of nice.  

The mind is a crazy thing.  How can it create such a vivid fake reality.  How can I feel like we had a kid who grew up and did wonderful things when we were never able to conceive?!?!  I don’t know what it feels like to birth a baby but I have a very vivid dream memory of the pain, fear, joy, exhaustion. 

I don’t know what to make of this but it’s weird as heck and I needed to write it down.  

Smells like safety

I know scent memory can be strong.  I know it can be random.  But when it triggers, it trigger hard. 

I have this lotion I received from a small company that is no longer in business.  It’s a soft but masculine scent.  But not like OMG it’s a boy scent (I do love those) but like…not floral or fruity is what I am saying. 

Anyways, it smells sooooo incredibly good to me.  But it triggers a memory.  Mind you not a full memory but a memory of a feeling.  When I smell it, I feel safe and loved.  It’s intense but I can’t connect it to a person.  

Like I can’t place who it reminds me of just the feeling.  I don't wear it all the time but I generally like to wear it to sleep or when I am feeling exceptionally stressed.   It’s more of a fall scent but it makes me smile every time I smell it.  

I wish I knew who wore it to evoke such a strong feeling but I can’t figure it out.  All I know is whomever it was made me feel safe and loved. And I don’t necessarily mean romantic love just….love. 

Gah I wish I could put it into words. I dread the day I run out because I can’t buy it again.  Honestly I am tempted to message them and be like how did you make this?!?!  I don’t want to sell it, I just want to me able to make it for me.  

It was like a baby bird emerging from the nest

So traveling on public transit can be...interesting. In NOLA I don't use it much...honestly I hate that.  I'd rather bus/street car but its just not convenient.  

In other large cities its the norm....mainly because driving in a car is a f**king nightmare!!!!

So when we travel we try to immerse ourselves in public transit as long as it's safe.  So we went to the Big Apple with apparently everyone else on spring break from LA (seriously was half of LA in NYC?!?!) and of course rode on the subway. 

One evening whilst traveling home we had some entertainment.  We noticed some cops on the platform....hmmm odd. 

Then a train pulled up and everyone ran off of a car a little ways down.  Then we see a bare shoulder peak out.  I heard a woman say "I don't think that guy has a shirt on".  

Then the cops spotted him and everything went sideways. He runs out of the car covering his crotch and runs away from us.  We got a perfect view of his tiny tush. 

He's running around the platform and in and out of the subway car with two cops going "come on man just stop!"  Picture a benny hill skit.... I was waiting for the music to start!!!

So they corner him and I'm pretty sure completely out of instinct one cop says "Hands up!"

And that's when we saw it.   Homeboy had a hell of a bush.  And poking out was Mr. Winky.  Now he wasn't close but I saw enough.  It was like a baby carrot in a bed of burnt pasta. A stinky pinky...I'm not finishing that one.  A cocktail sausage...ya know what I'ma stop.  You ever seen The Hangover....you know the scene!!!! In his defense it was quite chilly.  

As soon as he said it the cop was like "Aw...man cover up cover up!". One of them pulled a shirt out of nowhere and threw it at him.  

Whilst homie was putting on said shirt Tiny Tim was on full display.  Unfortunately said shirt only covered his stomach so the naked subway surfer was porky piggin' it while the cops handcuffed him.

Mind you this all happened in a very short period of time.  All the while the train wasn't boarding because I assume they didn't want him to hop back on and escape.  

As we were boarding we heard someone say "that's like the 3rd one this month".

Note - no one got in that car....

I'm starting to think I need to learn something

Its dream time again (apologies in advance). This one I don't remember as much of it but I know with 100% certainty I was back in school.  Like I am the me I am now but also in college classes. 

I am not sure where it began but I remember campus was HUGE and I was walking all over it.  It was very futuristic looking.  Lots of glass buildings, different shapes and angels, VERY clean.  I was in multiple classes but I only really remember one or two.  

It was a group/lab type class.  I was in a group with 3 others (all guys).  One was my work bestie, the other was my newer TALL counterpart whom I am becoming fairly close with (these two refer to themselves as the Italian duo or something haha), and one other guy.  The other guy is like phasing in and out between my husbands operations counterpart at his work and David Tennant (I know my weird @$$ brain!). 

I remember going to this class multiple times.  I always sat across from work bestie and next to the phasing dude.  I think it was a marketing class and the phasing guy was pissing me off because he wouldn't let us get a word in.  

There was another class I was in with most of them except phasing guy was replaced with another male coworker who used to be my manager, I think I usually refer to him as frat guy lol.  We didn't have assigned seats but it was "known" where everyone sat.  One day I was a little late and someone took my place.  Work bestie kept looking back at me over his shoulder looking worried and upset.  There was a test...it was really weird. 

Once it ended I was trying to get out as soon as possible but I didn't have my shoes on (WTF) and was struggling trying to get them on and leave qucikly. 

The next class was the one with phasing dude.  My spot was open but before I could sit across from bestie he pulled me down between him and Tall Counterpart.  This is when I realized we were sitting on the floor around a rectangular table for this class.  

So I sat between them while our phasing friend stayed as David Tennant for a while talking about, I $hit you not, "Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey...stuff".  I haven't watched that particular episode in over two years...WTF. 

Anyways The professor is talking and asked me if I wanted to move to my normal spot. Bestie put his arm around me, pulled me closer, and said "no, she belongs right here between us".  Ummmmm what?!?

The rest of the class is blurry but I distinctly remember bestie making sure some part of me was touching him (not in a sexual or oogie way).  I was writing something and phasing friend tried to touch my arm across the table. Tall counterpart blocked him and Bestie tightened his arm around me and......growled. 

That's where it ended....my subconscious is clearly on drugs!  I feel like there are meanings in all these dreams but I am too exhausted to even try and analyze them. 

Tell your sleep paralysis demon he needs to pay rent....and my therapist bill!

Get married they said.  It will be fun they said. They forgot to mention the potential existential terror sleeping next to another person might cause. 

I can't always fall asleep right away when I go to bed so I'll read or play on Imgur or something.  The other night I was doing that next to my sleeping husband (mind you lights are out) when all hell broke loose. 

Hubs: *out of a dead sleep whisper yelling* NOLA GURL!!!! *hitting my thigh*

Me: What?!?!?!!  What's wrong?!!?

Hubs: Something is above your iPad.....

Me: I beg your finest pardon?!?!?!!?

Hubs: It's....on the ceiling

Me: *panicking but thinking ok he's asleep* I don't see anything

Hubs: *grabs my hand in an almost painful grip* *eyes WIDE open*

Me: *about to stroke out*

Hubs: I think it's growling at me

Me: I'm sorry its what.....????????????????

Hubs: Its like growling talking

Me: WHAT?!?!?! *about to $hit the bed*

Hubs: *in a tiny voice* It says its gonna grab me and throw me over there! *points to closet*

Me: Alexa LUMOS!!!!!

Blinding lights come on.  I am sitting up. The dogs are looking at me like I've LOST MY MIND.  Nothing is on the ceiling.  Hubs goes "Oh well it's gone".  Rolls over...AND GOES BACK TO SLEEP!!!!!!!

Cool cool cool you get some rest while I stare into the dark and hope the dark isn't staring back......

Note - He had not been drinking and doesn't take drugs...nor was he on anything like Ambien....