"Breaking the law, breaking the law"

That's from something in the naughts (Beavis and Butthead). I didn't actually break the law. But I will set the scene of my crazy dream brain.  This is super long and absolutely bonkers but I have to write it down. 

I was working with law enforcement to catch a criminal.  She was really bad...dangerous...a threat to national security.  I have no idea why I was on this team but I was helping with puzzles to track her down.  We ended up at a university that looked suspiciously like Tulane.  I finished a riddle that lead me to the Library.  I've never been in Tulane's library so I have no idea if this is accurate but I was upstairs walking through the shelves.  It was EMPTY!  Like not a f**king soul in there.

I found her.  She was bent over a table frantically writing something down from a book(?).  She looked up at me and it was Michelle Pfeiffer.  But not like her now.  She looked like Michelle from Grease 2, so baby Michelle.  She looked at me and said something pleading.  It gets super blurry at this point...I don't know what she said but whatever it was changed me.  

The next thing I know we are running out of the library together to a vehicle.  She put a baggy sweatshirt and hat on me and said just act sick, like I'm picking you up.  That's when I realized the whole campus was locked down by armed security.  Not like they were with us looking for her, like it was the "normal" day to day to have AK 47's at the gates checking the identities of students coming in and going out.  

We made it past the gates. As we were driving I recognized some things but many were old landmarks from my childhood that don't exist anymore.  Like the spinning cow you could see from I10, the moving bug bill board.  I think I remember the Castle House in the East.  

I think we ended up in Mississippi...maybe.  I am not sure honestly but the "safe house" we went to was an old school wrecker/junk yard/mechanic business.  It was very run down, two stories with all kinds of equipment around.  When we walked in there were various persons.  Mostly older...like picture the mom from goonies but nicer seemed to be in charge and some older men.  There were a few closer to our age. They called Michelle "Stephanie" which is hilarious because that's her name in Grease 2 (lol).  

The peeps there were not happy she had me.  They were like she's a plant, she's going to get us all caught.  But Stephanie vouched for me.  She said we needed to GTFO though and quickly.  She needed something from a store down the street so we walked.  As we were walking we see Slidell PD patrolling everywhere (so not quite MS).  That's when we realize, they can track my phone and watch.  So we dump them.  I went to the trees/creek/marsh to drop them in the water and she went get whatever she needed.  We met back at the house but police were showing up. 

*******I woke up here...literally got up...went pee thought...why the hell am I dreaming about Michelle Pfeiffer...and laid back down....*******

Then the effing dream CONTINUED...what is happening!??!?!?!    We went inside and there were like 15 hispanic people in there (I don't know why) and my husband (?).  The safe house peeps were like act cool, just answer their questions.  You are refugees they can't take you.  So we sat huddled in the living room while these gestapo-esque people walk in.  They have HUGE guns and a $hit attitude.  They wanted to know where our final destination was.  We pretended not to speak English (well I pretended...the reset may not have I dunno).  So they handed us magazine pages and said write your final address.  

I was like WTF, I am not prepared what do I write.  And some voice in my head said St. Augustine, FL (what?!?!)  So I made up an address and a street and put St. Augustine, FL.  But the magazine paper was slick and the pen was having issues writing.  Finally one of them just snatched it out of my hand because I was taking too long.  I shied away scared and they just walked away and said not to go far, they'd be back tomorrow after they verify our addresses ($hit $hit $hit #$hit).

Everyone scattered and Stephanie was prepping our bug out vehicle and supplies.  We had to dump the other car because they knew it because of my phone (?).  So she told me to take a walk, get some air because it was about to get crazier. 

I wandered across a field and ended up at a horse race (WTAF is going on here). Everything was free (Odd) and honestly kinda cool.  I had been gone a minute so I decided to walk back and realized I was hella lost.  I couldn't figure out where I was.  So I asked the girls MC-ing, they looked nice.  

I said the name of the Wrecker place (which eludes me now) and the girls were like "Oh no baby that place is sketchy!  You do not want to go there!!!"  Thinking on my feet I said they had my car though.  The girls were like "OMG why?  Wait is it a..." and they made motions like shifting.  I said yes its manual and they said "We understand" and hugged me really tight.  They sent me on my way.  As I was walking I realized I had a phone in my hand (how the hell??!?!).  It wasn't mine but it was logged into my google account.  I freaked out because TRACKING and threw it in another canal/ditch thing.  

I made it back to safe house and everyone was on the 3rd floor (wait there are 3 floors?!?!?) in a modified 18 wheeler missing the top watching something down the street.  I climbed in also and it swung out away from the building.  I panicked and the older woman said don't worry it's on a J-Hook crane and can hold us. 

I literally went "What??!?" and mumbled "yea this could only work in a dream". EVERYONE stopped and looked at me ($hit). Like it was a creepy eveyone looked at me in unison, confused, like "she's aware". 

*******I woke up again here... I rolled over and said...well that was hella weird...snuggled with Little Bit and went back to sleep....*******

IT KEPT GOING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stephanie was packing the GTFO vehicle with supplies.  She had clothes for me and hubs.  And ALOT of cash.  We told everyone bye and left.  It was night time. We drove for HOURS.  She wouldn't let us drive, we couldn't know where we were going just in case.  

We finally stopped at some shady looking motel in a swamp(?).  It had a screened in porch that went all the way around.  We were there for more than one day I think.  She encouraged us to walk around and get fresh air (seriously what is going on with the fresh air walking).  I remember walking near a swampy bank and seeing an alligator but I wasn't scared.  I was like hey friend.  Anyways, as I am walking back to the motel with hubs his phone rings.  Oh no we didn't dump his phone and watch!!! I am scared to tell him what we have to do but he was super ok with it.  

So into the swamp it goes.  We get back to the motel and we are like we have to leave we forgot about his phone and watch.  She was like ok let me finish this.  I don't know what she was doing but it looked...ceremonial.  It jumped a little and we are running back to the car.  She told me to just leave the keys but we decided to let them know we were leaving so I run into the office where three men are watching soccer on an OLD SCHOOL tiny box TV.  They were like "what??????"  I said we have to leave family emergency and threw the key.  They said we paid for more days but I was already running out the door.  

We were at another motel/B&B(?).  She was like we need to conserve as much money as we can.  So she is teaching my hubs how to confuse change....  like Here's a $50, now give me $20, oh now I owe you $100, now give me $175 back.   You know stealing basically.  And the poor clerk was like wait...ok...no...yes.  Whatever at this point I recalled she'd been teaching us all along how to be creatively frugal without actually hurting anyone.  

Here is where it gets wonky.  I know we were there for a bit, then SOOO MUCH DRIVING.  Like weeks of it.  So I feel like we were criss-crossing the country.  Making stops along the way to get....I have no idea.  At some point I was told final destination is Tallahassee, FL. 

We were being pursued by some three letter agency we were all running on very little sleep and caffeine.  I know we were close to FL if not in FL.  I remember it was night, flashing lights and panic.  She said something about you can't give up.  She was shaking me by the shoulders. Blue eyes boring into me. You can't stop.  You have to get the truth.  We need the truth.  The truth is all that matters now.  

And that's it.  I don't know what it means but I am kinda freaked out on many levels.  I went from helping the law to breaking it for the greater good.  WHAT!?!?!?!?

This is why we cant have nice things

This is long, buckle up!  So I just watched “People we meet on vacation”.

Adorable movie!  I know it was based on a book and people who read it had mixed feelings.  But overall it was a cute movie with fun characters, funny moments, and a decent story. 

My annoyance comes from the trope of Best Friends to Lovers. I get it…I know that happens.  And people are always like “ruin the friendship”. “Best friends make the best husbands/wives”.  “Don’t live with regrets”.

I hate all of this.  Not because I don’t believe you shouldn’t be besties with your sig other but because this thought process damages the actual PLATONIC opposite sex friendships.  The stigma in everyone’s head is “well boys and girls cant be friends because they will hook up”

Girls wont trust a girl bestie with their husband and guys wont trust a guy bestie with their wives.  Jealousy happens, accusations happen, and friendships are ruined.  I’ve lost numerous male friends because their girlfriends or wives were convinced we were either hooking up or going to at some point.  Like no ma’am, we have been friends for 20+ years we aren’t like that.

But these movies show the end of committed relationships so the “friends” can be together.  I think the issue comes in that people don’t know the difference between romantic love feelings and platonic love feelings.  I love my friends but I don’t LOVE them that way.  Does that make sense??  

Yea yea sometimes it’s unrequited love or whatever but maturity also plays a part.  thinking you “love” someone but they love you like a friend you have a choice to make.  Keep perusing them and lose the friendship or remember WHY you are friends in the first place and preserve that.  

Maybe I am wired different but I can look at my guy friends and be like they are attractive and I love them without being like let’s hook up.  I love their companionship more than anything.  We are all happily married and want our spouses to be friends.  

Like get out of your hormones and be a f**king adult.  Or better yet encourage your kids to be friends with everyone.  If you son has a girl bestie don’t be like “oooooooo your girlfriend, ooooooo kissy kissy” and same if your daughter has a guy bestie.  We are the problem.  We put that stigma on them before they even understand sexual relationships.  

My point is I had a guy bestie…since Kindergarten!  We literally stayed friends through college.  Was I his date to a couple dances when he didn’t have a GF, yes. Was he mine when I didn’t have a BF, yes. But we were JUST FRIENDS.  No flirting, no hanky panky, none of that.  We had so much fun because were were literally just really good friends. 

In college my VERY jealous boyfriend thought for sure I was cheating on him with my friend.  Then he met him…and was like “wait I like this dude”.  EXACTLY!  He is a nice guy and not a threat to you my dear. 

But alas life happened.  We took a pic at graduation and soon his fiancé didn’t want us to be friends.  She gave him an ultimatum.  I wouldn’t expect him to choose me.  I was a little hurt but I am used to it by now.  

But what if we as a society didn’t put that stigma on KIDS.  What if we didn’t beat it into people that if you don’t have the same genitalia friendship is impossible??? What if we let them organically be friends and if things went to romance whatever but if they didn’t it is OKAY to just be f**king friends!!!!

I love my friends, male/female/non-binary/whatever!!  I don’t care what you have/don’t have in your pants or who you are attracted to.  If we click we click.  I can have a deep emotional bond with someone without it being sexual!!!!!!!!!!

I think this also goes back to the saying “emotional affairs”. That term gets thrown around a lot!  Because if you have a connection with anyone except your sig other and they happen to be of the opposite sex it seems to always be deemed an emotional affair.  Here’s the thing…stop doing that!

An emotional affair means you are seeking attention affection outside of a committed relationship because you are not getting what you need from it. Yea don’t do that!  Talk with your person.  Don’t use another to get what they aren’t giving in your relationship. Either work on the ship or end it.  

But Texting/hanging out with someone because you have common interests and are FRIENDS is not a f**king emotional affair.  If you went out with the girls would anyone say anything?!?! NO! So stop with the stigma.  Now if you are hiding something, bad on you. 

But I for one am tired of people being like “Oh you hung out with another guy?!?!?!  What would your husband think?!?!”  Listen judgy McJudgerson 1. He is fully aware of where I am and who I am with. 2. He knows this person also. 3. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Now I am not texting/calling these people at all hours of the night and nothing inappropriate.  I treat them like one of my girlfriends and they treat me like one of the guys.  I just wish as a society we could recognize that this is normal and not some scandalous thing that will result in the Friends becoming an item….

Rant over…I just want to not lose my friends because of this bull$hit!

Dreams are weird

This isn't for anything in particular but why is it in dreams things don't work right.  I think I need to do some Dream Analysis o_O.

Example 1: I am by no means a fast runner.  I am fast enough, I do about a 12.5 min mile (need to train) but in instances of needing a burst of speed I can take off at a very very quick sprint.  It's short lived but I know I can do it.  Yet anytime I need to "run for my life" in dreams, it's like running through quicksand.  I have no idea what I was dreaming about the other night but I vividly remember needing to run and just not being able to.  Like I kept trying but I was barely getting anywhere. 

Example 2: Throwing a punch.  Okay again, not superwoman or anything but I know I can throw a punch. I unfortunately have had to punch a tw@t waffle for being a tw@t waffle and I split his eyebrow knocking him on his butt and did NOT break my hand.  But I know I've had many many dreams where I try to punch/kick/slap/claw and it's like they just don't land with any force.  

Example 3: The lights don't work. I can't tell you how many times in a dream I walk into a dark room and flip the light switch...and it doesn't work.  I immediately get that heart pounding sinking feeling of pure terror.  I don't get it.  I am generally not scared of the dark.  But in these dreams, it's almost like the dark is alive and won't let the light on.  I know I know WEIRDO. 

I'm sure there are other weirdo things but these are the ones that have happened recently and it just makes me wonder...why.  I'm assuming my subconscious is trying to tell me something.  

Count your blessings!

Alright, its that time of year where we see all of our "lovely" family.  And can I say...I feel like a busted can of biscuits compared to most.  I'm not far per se but I am not in shape. Things are popping out where they aren't supposed to.

With that said I've been around friends and family that look AMAZING.  They are slim and trim and not busting out like I am.  Well I say like I am.  Let me be clear.  I still am small.  Like way smaller than most but I am not as fit as before.  As in I am a bit...um...soft. 

It's a bit annoying.  I am NOT the inactive...soft type.  But then I took a step back.  The ones that are...more fit.  They are the ones that are divorced...separated...not in any type of relationship or "real" job.  They aren't stable.

I don't wish ill on anyone but that really puts things in perspective.  I have an AMAZING husband, beautiful friends, and supportive family.  Yea I am not in the shape I used to be in.  I am 100% certain I may be in SIGNIFICANT pain for the LA half but...I am happy. 

That means something right?  I have the great hubby.  I have the good job.  I have a really good life.   It's not always perfect but its mine. 

Anyways point being...yea they look good because they are working out to meet a new beau but I look like me.  I am 100% going to start running more.  But for me, not for anyone else.  I could be jealous but I'm not.  I wouldn't trade my squishy@$$ with an awesome home life for their rock hard abs but no one to go home to. 

That sounds really judge-y but I honestly don't mean it to  be.  I mean it more as a "the grass isn't always greener".  That's what I see.  Yea they look great but the CRAP they are dealing with isn't great. I hope it gets better for them...seriously I do.

So off I go to try and be a better me but not at the cost of my really good life. 

Peace out peeps!  Be happy with you.  Be happy with what you have.  Happy New Year my lovelies and don't forget to see what you have and stop stressing about what you don't. 

Paranoia is a mental illness...right?

Well its usually a symptom of a worse mental illness but.... 

I understand psychology.  I understand mental illness.  I understand things aren't easy.  I am very understanding and patient.  But its hard for me to wrap my brain around EXTREME paranoia. 

At some point in our lives we all get a little paranoid.  In a person without illness its usually warranted.  Meaning something happened that made you, a logical person, think "Hmmmm, that's odd". 

WE HAVE ALL HAD THIS. And many times our suspicions are correct.  not always, sometimes we just look cookoo but whatever. 

What drives me a bit nuts is unwarranted extreme constant paranoia.  I try.  I really do.  But the triggers are so sensitive I don't know what to do.

Example, after two calls and three texts unanswered, concern turns into angry paranoia.  "I know they aren't answering me because they are mad because of _____". 

Something ridiculous that makes no sense but to them its the obvious reason they aren't responding.

I try to be the anchor.  I try to "talk them down" with logic.  Not being an @$$hole just offering an alternative explanation.  I am ALWAYS told I am wrong and I just don't understand.  And 99% of the time, I am right.

This is a minor example.  Things have gotten REALLY hairy in recent years, so I did some research.

"Symptoms of paranoia and delusional disorders include intense and irrational mistrust or suspicion, which can bring on sense of fear, anger, and betrayal. Some identifiable beliefs and behaviors of individuals with symptoms of paranoia include mistrust, hypervigilence, difficulty with forgiveness, defensive attitude in response to imagined criticism, preoccupation with hidden motives, fear of being deceived or taken advantage of, inability to relax, or are argumentative."

"It can be difficult to treat a person with paranoia since symptoms result in increased irritability, emotionally guardedness, and possible hostility. "

I can see that but I really really really think something is wrong but I don't know what to do.  Its gotten worse with age.  I'm not trying to make light of this...I'm really just at a loss. 

I mean they hold grudges (like 30+ year grudges).  Everyone is ALWAYS out to get them.  Nothing wrong in their life is their fault, its always someone else's fault.  Anyone that disagrees is "working against them" in order to "prove they are incapable of *pick something*"

I'll figure something out... I am just so tired....

That's bull$hit and you know it!

I waited a week to post anything but I just can't with these politicians anymore. 

'We're a city that floods, so deal with it.’ 

LINK

What?!?!?  You are the new Mayor of N.O.  I get that you probably inherited a $hitstorm but that is NOT how you win over the populous!!!

Backstory, we had 3-5 inches in less than an hour last Friday (1 week ago).  Streets flooded but I mean that's a lot of rain in a very short time.  We've always had MINOR street flooding when rain happens like that.  That is normal.  What isn't normal is MAJOR street flooding and it getting into homes/businesses for a f**king 2 hour rainstorm.

I have lived in this area my whole life.  I moved away for a few years but not far enough to not know what's going on.  WE ARE NOT A CITY THAT FLOODS!  The Vieux Carre DID NOT USED  TO FLOOD.  So what changed? 

Nothing changed...and that is the problem.  You can't neglect the infrastructure for decades and then act surprised when $hit doesn't work. 

When have we flooded (in homes etc) in the past:

1927 - Obvi before my time...Record flooding across 7 states....they blew a levee to save NOLA
1965 (Betsy) - I was not alive but there are rumors that a levee was intentionally broken
1995 - 18" of rain in a 24 hour period
2005 (Katrina) - The levees failed. A perfect storm of crap happened and the Levees which were SUBPAR f**king failed.
2005 (Rita) - They re-broke...
2017 (OMG it f**king rained) - It wasn't that bad of a storm....but people flooded
2011-2018 - Random Rainstorms have streets closed and people's cars/property flood

I'm sure there were other's maybe not as bad but these are the ones I know because I heard stories or lived through them.

In recent years nothing rainstorms cause concerns throughout the metropolitan area...last August everything came to a head.  That was the proverbial straw.  People are outraged.  After Katrina we got money from the federal government to help fix $hit.  There are ridiculous taxes in place to "keep up" with $hit.  We were told "'all pumps are operational,' and pumps were overwhelmed and couldn't keep up with the pace of the rain." Yet we find out last August that 14 of the city's 121 pumps at the city's 24 stations were not operational, including eight broken pumps and pumps down for scheduled maintenance. Six smaller "constant duty" pumps that regularly pump out groundwater also were down. And some turbines that power the stations were not functional. 

We have the equipment in place but its not been maintained properly.  They just did a HUGE drainage project on Bourbon and Bourbon still flooded last Friday.  Soooooo what exactly did they do?  Yea yea lots of rain, short time, but Bourbon didn't flood for Katrina.  The Quarter was basically DRY for Katrina.  So please explain to me WTF is happening?!?!?

I honestly don't know, I am not an engineer but I can assume the money was squandered and/or $hit was half-@$$ed.  Louisiana is known for corruption.  There is a reason we don't get the businesses here that other states get.  Its because its still good ol' boy politics down here.  "sure you can build your BILLION dollar business here but I want a piece for my pocket".  That isn't how it works...or it isn't how it should work. 

I know it costs a lot to fix but it needs to be done.  Had it been MAINTAINED over the years instead of neglected things would be easier to fix.  Like my friend said "Its like a house.  If you don't maintain your house over the years, eventually it will fall apart.  Same thing goes for the city.  You can't neglect mechanical parts and pipes for decades and act surprised when they don't work."

Rant Over!  F**k Off if you think the residents are that dumb.

Would you drink/eat something that makes you a little sicker everyday...?

If not then why DO something that can cause health issues overtime?  We all know stress can make you VERY sick...right? 

Well so can holding a grudge...right?

The amount of energy it takes to stay pissed off at someone is ridiculous.  I mean I am not a forgive and forget person if someone seriously hurts me but I also am not a 15 years down the road kinda person either. 

If you hurt me...like REALLY hurt me, I will distance myself for my own sanity.  I do forgive quick usually but I don't forget and am cautious.  With that said if someone is TRULY sorry, and proves that to me over time, we are cool.    Will I trust them 100%...probably not but I get over things...I don't waste my energy on hatred. 

Where did this come from?  Well I have an acquaintance who cannot fathom how I can stand to be in the room with another acquaintance. 

Backstory:  In 10 years ago a close friend of mine went through a thing.  This thing brought all kinds of skeletons out of the closet.  During this "thing" I learned that my close friend had been lying to me about a lot of things for 8 years.  ONe lie, lead to another lie, and so on and so forth.  I was friends with their spouse, auntie to their children, we hung out all the time!!!  And the lie was stupid.  It wasn't necessary...had I been told the truth from Day 1, I wouldn't have batted an eye but the compounded lie destroyed my trust.  How can you blatantly lie to someone you call your sister everyday for 8 years?!?!?!

Moving on, it took years for me to feel comfortable speaking to this "friend" when we saw each other.  I wasn't mean or hateful, just uncomfortable.  But eventually I realized they were honestly remorseful about what happened.  Basically the lie was told before we were close and the more time that went by it never seemed like a good time to come clean for fear of losing relationships which happened anyway but whatever. 

With this said it has been 10 years!  I barely hold a grudge for 10 minutes much less 10 years!  I am not one to keep reminding someone of their f**k up.  If you acknowledge it and apologize its done. Which is why it baffles me that this other person thinks I should still be harping on this 10 years later.  I don't care.  The past is the past, we have moved on, why can't you?  While this did affect person A, they weren't THAT close to person B so why the continued hatred?  Is it on my behalf?  If so, please STOP!  Holding on to something like that cannot be good for you!

I don't understand...maybe I am too forgiving but I'd rather focus my energy on happy times than dwell on the negative. 

Just my ramblings...*ugh* why isn't it FRIDAY?!?!?!

You've been together 8 years? Wow, y'all must have some epic screaming fights!

Um, that's a negative Ghost Rider.  Why is this the normal way of thinking???  Every relationship is different but why must all married couples be seen as having knock down, drag outs?  Yea, people argue but if I've learned anything in my life its that screaming doesn't solve anything.  If anything it leads to people saying things in the heat of the moment that they regret later.

Do we have disagreements, of course.  But we don't yell at each other.  We may change our tone but never screaming.

With that said it REALLY pisses me off when people say "If you don't fight, you aren't in a real relationship".  F**k you very much!  What kind of warped logic is that?!?!  Just because we talk it out instead of screaming at each other doesn't mean our relationship is any less "real".  If anything I think that shows just how "real" and MATURE our relationship is.

Love does not equal Fighting
Fighting does not equal Love

I mean that is like step one in admitting something might be wrong.

Disagreements are normal.  No one is going to agree with their partner 100% of the time.  But constant blow ups are NOT NORMAL.  "Fighting it out" is not healthy.  Well it might be for some, I guess...  But if my husband started screaming at me every time we didn't agree, I am 100% certain he would not be my husband.

I really think this is a maturity issue.  The squeaky wheel gets the oil kind of thing.  Its not my way of dealing with things, and thankfully it isn't his way either.  We bicker, we disagree, but we respect each other.  I would never degrade him just to make myself heard and he wouldn't do it to me.

So no we do not have "epic" screaming fights.  We have raised our voices minimally (which usually ends up in us laughing) but the day we start solving our problems with screaming is the day we need to sit down and talk about what's actually wrong.

Of course its real! How can people still think it isn't real?!?!?!?

Depression is very very very real.  It isn't something you can just "turn off" or "get over".  Yes everyone in creation has ups and downs but DEPRESSION is a disease of the mind.  Its horrible and if people still think its made up or whatever they have clearly never known someone who suffered with it.

We've lost another talented person to suicide.  How many famous and non-famous people have to die before we realize the status of mental health treatment is embarrassing...?

Chester Bennington committed suicide mere weeks after Chris Cornell was found by his bodyguard.  They were friends.  Chris dying clearly took a toll on Chester.  I am so heartbroken for them and their families, friends, and fans.

So we lost two more amazing artists to a horrible disease.  I hate seeing/hearing things like "oh just another famous person who can't handle money" or "just another druggie" about anyone who has passed from an overdose or suicide or a combination.  That's not it.  Some of these aren't using drugs/alcohol to "be cool" or whatever.  Its their only way to cope with the horrible things depression does to their minds.  It gets so bad that death seems like the only way out.  I can't imagine that.  I can't imagine being so lost in the darkness of my own mind that I want to take my life but I know...I KNOW it happens.

I watched my Aunt and family deal with it after they found her husband.  I watched my BFF and her family deal with it after they found her Aunt.  Its awful.  You see first hand what happens to the family during and after something like this.  And while many want to blame the person who committed suicide, calling them selfish, they really shouldn't.  Yes, it is selfish I guess but that isn't how they see it.  They usually see themselves as a burden, as a problem, as someone who doesn't deserve to be happy...pick something.  They think taking themselves out of the equation is better for them AND those around them because they usually know they are sick and their loved ones wont have to be burdened with their issues any longer.

There is a light, there is always a light in the darkness, but sometimes they can't see it.  Depression LIES.  It lies so much.  But when you are depressed you may not be able to see that.

Bill Board Tribute to Chester

If you can't talk to family or call a friend...contact a stranger.  They are there to listen 24/7.  

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call - 1-800-273-8255

Twitter

Online Chat

R.I.P.

Chris & Chester sing Hunger Strike

At what age you do decide, "hey, I'm old enough to be an '@$$hole' to everyone and just not care"

Is it like timed??? Does it just happen one day???  "Oh, I turned 75 time to turn off the filter and let all my thoughts out".

I don't take offense because I am me and I try to not be offended by everything.  But it doesn't make it "okay" because not everyone just rolls with it.  It isn't all "Old" people but a striking majority feel like they can say whatever they want to whomever they want just because they are old and I don't know when that happens but it just does. 

And I'm not talking about the innocent comments where there is a generation gap and they don't realize its inappropriate.  I mean when they say things that everyone...no matter what age...knows is rude.  Its like "I'm over 80 now, I have no more f**ks to give".  It's funny (at least to me) but I can see how it can be damaging to those of a more sensitive nature. 

So I went visit the elders.  I brought treats because I am a good little youngin'.  About 5 minutes after we finished said treats our Matriarch said "Hmmm your tummy is poking out.  Are you sure you're not pregnant..." What on Earth...?!?! "Ummmmm, *trying not to be a sarcastic twit* yes, I am 100% sure.  It's because I just ate a bunch of sweets.  It will go down after I digest and stuff".  Her response...was...  She said "Oh, is that a thing.  You shouldn't eat before you go out on dates then.  People will think you got knocked up".  OMG what?!?!  *hahahaha*  "I am married...I mean we go out on dates but if people thought I was preggo it would be okay...".  Then she said "Well make sure you wear baggy clothes at home so he doesn't think you are getting fat".  Oh good God...tell me how you really feel *hahaha* "Okaaaaay, I'll do that... *trying not to roll eyes lest I get backhanded*".

She didn't mean any harm (I don't think), she just has zero filter.  I know in my heart she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings but some of my other relatives may have taken MAJOR offense to that.  Plus she knows we aren't getting PG but she doesn't know all the annoying details of that not working so you can't fault her there either.  I just don't know when that happens.  My other grandma does it too.  It's like they just say whatever they are thinking without thinking about what they are saying.  I guess after 80+ years you really don't care how PC you are, especially with your goofy family. 

I feel like mine may have started with, "Hey, hold my beer".

So I saw this on Imgur or Tumblr or Pinterest or...I don't recall which one, I just saved it.  Anyways, I saw it and just keep laughing.

Yes I saw the comments above and yes they are funny...DUCK!

First let me say, I noticed in the comments on the site I was on that some people don't know what a Birth Mark is.  A birth mark is something you are BORN with.  Meaning, it doesn't pop up later in life...those are usually called Moles, Sunspots, Age spots, or Scars.  Birth Mark = a MARK on your baby body that was there when you popped out your momma or shows up shortly after. 

Why is this funny...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell...I may or may not have a Birth Mark on my lower butt cheek/upper leg.  Meaning, if this is true then I died from a wound in the @$$.  Maybe I was shot...maybe stabbed...or MAYBE I said "hold my beer" and some "here's your sign" type injury occurred.  Add that to I was probably just as clumsy and well....

I don't know if you've ever jumped into a murky river or lake but those f**kers usually have sticks/logs/etc and they HURT!  Maybe that is why I have a slight "fear" of murky water.  My dumb@$$ former self jumped @$$ first into a river and was impaled.  And then eaten by a gator (heheheheHA).

I also happen to have a perfect dark circle on the back of my shoulder (born with it).  While that doesn't seem life threatening, I guess if it happened a long time ago dying of infection was probably an issue.  Not as "fun" as the other one.  Weeeellll maybe if we think of it as a heroic act saving someone.  Who am I kidding I probably fell while running with scissors...how it impaled me from the back is...I am just THAT talented.  I will say though, that one gets A LOT of attention.  For some reason when people see it they have this uncontrollable urge to poke it..."Um 'scuse you". 

No really, I've had complete strangers touch it.  WTF?!?  Its not gnarly or anything, just a flat mark.  So back in the day, people called it my "button"...don't push my BUTTON(s)! 

People do NOT poke the other one, well my husband does, but he is allowed.  If a stranger "poked" that one, we would have a problem.  I usually use it as a gauge.  If I bend over and you can see my mark...shorts are too short...or I just shouldn't bend over...

Conclusion:  I either died very heroically or I spazzed out or I was shot in the @$$...the possibilities are endless.

Alright, I've avoided the topic for 3 days...but I saw something...

I'm not going to go on a rant.  I'm not going to discuss much of anything really.   I am going to say, I am heart broken and horrified at the appalling attacks in Paris.  The blatant disregard for human life is sobering.  Why?  That is the only question I have.  Why?  So many innocent people.  So many who just went out for an evening of fun who will never go home again.  So many who may be permanently injured (physically and/or mentally) because they went to a Soccer Match or Concert or just Dinner.  This isn't about religion or politics or whatever.  These people had nothing to do with those things, they just happen to be citizens (and some tourists) of the country attacked.  These were cold hearted mass murders.  It makes me weep for humanity and never want to leave my house. 

I was out and about Friday when I got the alerts.  And while we were informed the U.S. wasn't under immediate threat of an attack, there was an increased police presence where we were.  We went to a live show and everyone was being overly cautious and seemed nervous.  Who is to say we wouldn't be targeted next...how can you possibly know.  That theater holds 4,000 people plus staff.  At first we were confused why they wouldn't let us in.  We weren't allowed in the venue until just under 40 min before the show.  Then they wouldn't let us go to our seats until 10 minutes before.  I've been to shows here before...this was a little weird.  I figured maybe the entertainers were running late but that still didn't make a lot of sense.  All I can think was they were being cautious...its a national touring show...better safe then sorry, right?  Everyone always thinks "it will never happen here..." until it does. 

Anyways, this song has always been special to me...more so now than ever I guess.

Imagine by John Lennon

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

I know this isn't the only thing that has happened recently...bad things happen everyday...there have been irrational acts of terror across the world.

Are you okay?

Says me to the person with the Cryptic posts.  Yea we've all done it at some point but you eventually realize, Facebook/Twitter probably isn't the place to air that kind of laundry.

Look, I get concerned.  I am not being funny.  Okay, I am being a little funny but I am not sure what to make of this series of posts...

Alright...good words of advice on how to not be an @$$hole, kudos.

Interesting bible verse...whateves.

Hmmmmm...are we having a crisis...?

I mean that's true...I've had an anxiety attack...Es no bueno...but you have never had one...or have you...

What the hell is going on???????

Ummmm, well that's depressing. I am seriously concerned...

And here we have a recipe for broccoli.

That is a heck of a ride only to end up with a side dish for dinner.  They are still posting on social media.  No more "deep thoughts", now it is all puppies, silly quotes, and recipes.

So that is my question...should I be concerned? Or just right this off as someone needing attention...a validation that they are in fact not alone.   Even though I know they talk to people EVERYDAY on the phone and in person.  To me this sounds like a classic case of depression, with a touch of manic tendency but when you ask them you get nonsense responses about how they just thought they were kind words or things that just need to be said or whatever.

I want to help but it seems they are content posting depressing messages on social media meanwhile others are asking me and their other acquaintances what the hell is going on with them...so I guess I'll just continue to be here if needed..I only wish they would stop rapid fire posting all of it online and tell me how I can actually help...

7:30AM is not the time to have an existential crisis...

I wasn't prepared to think yet!  So I got a call...here is how it went.

Me: *barely functioning* This is NOLA Gurl, how can I help you?
Person:  Hi, NOLA Gurl.  This is Ted from (insert customer name).
Me: *confused* Hi... (I didn't recognize him as a contact)
Person: *realizing my confusion* I took Bob's place...he's dead
Me: *suddenly awake* *loss for words* *dammit brain start working* *silence*
Person: I need your help
Me: *brain reboot* Right, okay.  I am, I am so, so sorry to hear that...
Person: *in monotone voice* Well we all get old and then one day we don't get old anymore
Me: *thinking* WTF?!?!!? *said* True...*nervous laugh* Uuuum, so what can I help you with...

I barely caught what he was asking me because I was pondering what he said about "getting old".  I mean there was zero finesse about it but he had a point.  What is the meaning of my life?!?!?!  *hears a whisper* 42.  Dammit Deep Thought, not now!

Side Note:  In case you weren't aware or don't feel like thinking (like me right now), "An existential crisis is a moment at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life: whether their life has any meaning, purpose, or value. This issue of the meaning and purpose of existence is the topic of the philosophical school of existentialism"

I need a break...So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish...I've got my towel ready...time to Hitch a ride....I hear there's a great restaurant at the End of the Universe.

I'ma stop now...I have pondering to do.   

Haters gonna hate, hate, hate... hate, hate....hate....

How many should I put?!?!?  I wasn't going to post anything "serious" today.  I did my remembrance on the 10 year anniversary and while I'll never forget, I wont rehash it every year.  With that said, OMG people are brutal!

I have no idea who this is, I just saw the screenshot

I don't think that is what that means.  First of all at least spell $hit right if you are going to be an @$$hat.  Second, you can't fix anything with hate.  That is ignorant and just makes everything 10 times worse.  Being hateful towards EVERYONE who happens to be Muslim/Middle Eastern because a few extremist went all ape$hit isn't going to fix ANYTHING!  This hurt.  To see that much seething hatred, it is unnecessary.  Of course we should NEVER forget.  It was a horrible day and many perished but you can't blame an entire religion or part of the world for the actions of a few.  Yes there are many who probably supported this action (and they are bad or misguided people, sorry) but there are also others who were horrified to be associated with it.  There are extremists in EVERY religion/culture.  There are Christians I'd rather not be associated with and I have to say all the time "not all of us think like that". 

Then I saw this...

Yea it may not be beneficial to us to take in 10,000 refugees but that isn't really the point.  This statement isn't based on the problems caused by an influx of refugees, this is based on who and where the refugees are from. Where is your bible thumping bull$hit now?  Doesn't it say something about helping those less fortunate, in need, whatever.  These people seem to be in need.  Or should we turn our backs because they aren't the same religion?  Wouldn't you want the world to help us if something terrible happened here or would you want them to shut their borders and write us off as a total loss because we are "stupid Americans"? 

Of course this should be thought through very carefully...I mean the world economy is basically collapsing and taking on more people could be detrimental for any country. But the crazed hatred is still unnecessary.  Yes I know people who fought overseas after 9/11 and I know they suffered greatly because of some of the hateful people over there.  It's a f**ked up situation all around.  I just don't think using 9/11 as a "prop" is the way to go. 

Do I want to endanger my country, its citizens?  Of course not! I just want us to get passed all the prejudice/racist/extremist bull$hit.  

This song may not be about issues today (it is from 1992) but it sure hits home when you listen to it considering all the crap happening in the here and now.

We Shall Be Free by Garth Brooks

History of the song

I'ma post the lyrics too because they are meaningful to me.

This ain't comin' from no prophet
Just an ordinary man
When I close my eyes I see
The way this world shall be
When we all walk hand in hand

When the last child cries for a crust of bread
When the last man dies for just words that he said
When there's shelter over the poorest head
We shall be free

When the last thing we notice is the color of skin
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within
When the skies and the oceans are clean again
Then we shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud
'Cause we shall be free

When we're free to love anyone we choose
When this world's big enough for all different views
When we all can worship from our own kind of pew
Then we shall be free
We shall be free

We shall be free
Have a little faith
Hold out
'Cause we shall be free

And when money talks for the very last time
And nobody walks a step behind
When there's only one race and that's mankind
Then we shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud, have a little faith, hold out
We shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, have a little faith

We shall be free

Anyone else have the sudden urge to "switch teams"?

No? Yea me neither soooooo why are people freaking the f**k out?  After the ruling I did not have the sudden urge to leave my husband for a woman...I did feel the need to wrap myself in rainbow but that is just me..I like rainbows. 

Sorry, this one is not a silly NOLA Gurl post...just a warning. 


I LOST 4 "friends" on FB the other day when I posted about the Supreme Court ruling.  I didn't even say anything about it, I just posted it with a smiley face.  I went from 444 friends to 440 friends.  I only noticed because I remembered 444...it kinda stuck out.  Clearly they weren't my "friends" if they deleted our online friendship over a difference of opinion. 

It is equal rights. . .that is it in a nutshell.  It isn't some hedonistic witchcraft that will cause people to suddenly change.  It is just the country saying you can marry the PERSON you love regardless of the bits they have.  I personally think that is wonderful.  If your religious beliefs think that is "wrong", okay then...you probably shouldn't marry someone with the same bits as you.  But it also means you shouldn't engage in intercourse with people with the same bits either (I swear I heard someone who has had relations with both men and women bash same sex marriage in the name of religion, that makes ZERO sense).  Anyways, those are your beliefs, you follow them but you can't force other people to adhere to them just because you believe in them. 

I don't believe cinnamon should be slathered on anything I am eating but that doesn't mean I am going to try to create a law to force everyone else to not have it because I don't like it. If you like it, good on you...I will CHOOSE not to partake in it.  I guess I am just different (in the best possible way, ha!).

Someone's sexual preference will not change you...it will not change your kids...it will not change anything outside of that person's relationship.  I am so tired of hearing people say "I don't want my kids exposed to this...they will get ideas!" Honey, if your "kids" get "ideas" from this then they already were starting to realize they like persons of the same gender.  Being around gay people (or exposed to gay couples) doesn't make you gay...its not a f**king disease!  You can't catch it!  Quit being a @$$hat.  If you don't want to be friends with them or you want to alienate your family because of it, fine so be it but quit spouting your idiocy around me because it is giving me a headache. If you feel following that mantra will "save" you, okay then but quit trying to "save" the rest of us. . .we know what your religion says and we choose to believe differently.  I personally don't think anything is wrong with marriage between any person...unless it is between a 30+ yr old and a minor.  In that case I don't care what gender you prefer...you are a creep, don't do that.  And if you are a 30+ yr old in "love" with a 16 or 17 year old...just, just wait the two years...don't create a controversy over something that may not be real.  Moving on...

Things I've heard since the ruling that made me stabby:

1.)  "I am accepting of that choice.  We told my sister we accept her for who she is 100%, and that was 20 years ago but we made sure she knew she can't bring her girlfriends to family functions because we don't want our kids exposed to that." Sweetheart that is the exact opposite of acceptance and the fact that you've known for 20 years she is a lesbian and you STILL refuse to let her bring her partner around makes me very, very sad. 

2.)  *insert random bible verse* Ummm so are you going to want to enforce all bull$hit "rules" from the bible?  You do know it was written by MAN.  God didn't really write it...he "influenced" it but it was still written by MAN and it contains HIS biases no matter how you try to spin it.  It was also written quite a long time ago...things change...even religion needs to evolve.  Or would you rather condemn me because I am a woman and *insert biblical rule saying I should be stoned for whatever because I have lady parts*.  My point is if you believe it, fine but not everyone is required to believe in the same things you do (that's the whole point of freedom of religion).  Get over it. 

3.) "I hope they are ready for *insert stereotypical marriage issue* because that's what they'll get now."  You are a special kind of stupid.  You do know these people who want to get married have been in relationships...many VERY long term.  Just because they suddenly have the right to marry doesn't mean they suddenly have all the work that comes with a marriage.  They've already had THAT piece...this is the legal part.  The socially accepted part.  It isn't about your stupid "oh now they are married, no sex" mantra.  It is about them being FAMILY.  They are now able to legally be family so that if one, god forbid, is ill or hurt they have a right to be by their side.  Among other things you are privy to, like shared health insurance or life insurance or I dunno, just being acknowledged as a real couple!  How would you like it if your spouse was terminally ill but you couldn't be by their side because you are Italian and they are Canadian and we just don't recognize that as a REAL relationship.  Sounds silly doesn't it. . .Come on!

4.) "I am fine with them getting married but they shouldn't be able to have or adopt kids.  You shouldn't want to bring up kids in that kind of household.  It's hard enough being a kid, much less to THOSE kind of parents." *weeping inside*  That is one of the most horrible things I have ever heard.  You are one of the reasons kids from THOSE types of parents have issues.  EVERYONE deserves the opportunity to be a parent.  I mean the same screening process should apply for adoption (gender preference aside, no one legitimately crazy should be given a child) but NOT whether or not they are gay...that shouldn't matter.  So the lesson here.  Before you start dating someone of the same sex, have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex...procreate with them...leave them...obtain full custody and then be with someone of the same sex.  Problem solved...Okay...that was COMPLETE sarcasm.  Sorry, if I went too far. 

*ugh* I gave myself a migraine...these are my opinions...you don't have to agree with me...I won't stop talking to you because we have different beliefs.  Let's just agree to, uh, disagree. Kay, thanks, bye. 


P.S. From today forward...it is just MARRIAGE...at least for me. 

That's not how it works....that's not how any of this works!

I love reading.  I read just about anything.  I take that back, I will give anything a chance BUT there is a point where I will put a book/story down.  Usually that point is where the story gets so far fetched that even I have to go, really?!?  And this is coming from a person who reads A LOT of books about Vampires, Werewolves, Epic Fantasy, Angels...I think you get the picture.

Kidding...I didn't actually read this one but its funny because of my POST about the cover :D

So when I read "stories" that blow the limits into dust, I cringe, especially when I REALLY like the main characters.  I can get passed quite a bit of silliness but there is a point where I will stop reading and never look back.  I mainly do this when the story is exceedingly juvenile.  Again this coming from a person who reads Young Adult books.  The difference is these Young Adult books are written by adults, usually, so they are much more relatable then say a 20 chapter internet published work written by an actual young adult about adults...does that make sense...? 

I am not knocking these young writers.  I think it is wonderful that they are taking to writing, I just hope they have a bit of guidance in future works on how people/love/relationships/sex actually work. I am not their momma or their friend...so I am not going to have that chat with them, plus I don't want them to think I am attacking them...maybe I should say something...I dunno.  Yet some of them write exceedingly well and have an impressive understanding of life and relationships, I truly enjoy their stories.

With that said, when I am reading one of those "OMG that is not how the sex works" stories and I find out the writer is in fact OLDER than me...I might judge....okay no I totally judge.  Regardless of how "experienced" (or inexperienced) you are there are some things you just know.  Like anything that is 3 inches wide or larger is frightening.  I seriously had to read that twice.  3 inches around...that's a little below average...wait wide...across...like the diameter...OMG!  No really go find a ruler, measure out three inches and tell me that's gonna fit in an average woman, comfortably.  

When writing smut (NOT PORN) don't use words like p**sy, etc. unless you are trying for shock factor or dirty talk.  If you are trying to get the reader all hot and bothered you don't say "he reached down her tummy and touched her p**sy".  That is almost just weird.  At that point I close the story and never look back.  Wait, how old are you?!?!?!

Instead, maybe say something like "he caressed his way down her body, exploring every inch, until he reach where she needed him most."  Or something of that nature.  If you want more people to read it...I think...just an observation.

If its one of those fiction stories that takes two characters from unrelated TV Shows/Movies and puts them together (shut up, you know what I am talking about) at least try to keep some of the personality of the characters.  When you start listing all of these completely out of character things, you lose me.  I am reading it because I like the way those characters are. . . .not because I want them to be totally different.  And if they are doing something totally NOT them, they need to have a bit of turmoil over it, showing they are still them.  Of course when they do those out of character things we all want them to do (whooohooo I SHIP it) that is a little different.

Pahahaha, accurate

Having two people misunderstand everything, cock it all up, and FINALLY admit they love each other (and possibly have mind blowing, uh, fun), yes please...having the same two people immediately fall in love, say f**k it all and never think about all the reasons why it never happened in the "show" or whatever with no build up...not quite what most people are looking for. You want people to relate to the story not go "OMG he/she would NEVER do that!!!!!"   I mean who else does NOT see Mr. Tucker being submissive, pathetic and letting people walk all over him...WTF, that is way out of character...just saying.  Maybe he gives a little bit to impress a girl (MAYBE) but he is a bit of an arse and I don't see a complete 180 happening regardless of the craziness that happened.  And no I don't read many stories featuring him but there was one and I almost died laughing at one point.  I didn't finish it. 

It is hard to explain without specific examples but I am not about to target anyone.  I am not a "writer", I have minimal criticism rights. Just some things that stood out, that concern me I guess. 

Relationships take effort...right...they don't just magically work...right

Seriously, do people really think that once they are in a committed relationship/marriage it is a done deal. "whoohoo, I can stop trying now!"  Or is there something I am missing??? Is there a marriage fairy that sprinkles pixie dust on you so you can give up with no consequence? Because I think she skipped us.  We are VERY happy but we still make an effort.

There are so many things, that happen to others and I try...I really do try not to pass judgement.  Each relationship is different.  What works for me and my husband may not work for others but we still TRY.  For instance, I can't imagine a day where it would be okay to not give each other a Christmas or Birthday or Anniversary gift.  And I am not talking about break the bank type gift.  Just SOMETHING...anything... I understand that after 20+ years of marriage (and an illicit affair) things can be "mundane" but if you stop trying before you ever get started, it will never get better.  How about just cooking dinner or a card...SOMETHING!

I know I am a "newlywed" by comparison but I hope (really hope) I am like my dad and step mom.  They may not always be perfect but they still TRY!  Twenty four years later and they go out on dates, give gifts, APPRECIATE each other.  You can't tell me "oh we don't have any money so we forgo gifts".  There are other ways to show your spouse you still care!  Bring them breakfast in bed, clean the house, cook dinner, cut the grass, GIVE THEM A DAY OFF!  Things that cost you basically nothing but the thought behind them is priceless.  I just...I am not a brat but I would be so disappointed if I went home on my birthday and was expected to cook dinner, do laundry, the everyday stuff, etc.  I think the only gifts this person (who triggered these thoughts) received were a bag of fancy cookies from me and lunch from their boss.  The other thing is...what are you teaching your children...that once you are married you don't have to show appreciation for your spouse?   This person has ADULT kids and they gave them NOTHING!  Not even a card.  This person tries to brush it off but I can see the hurt lingering in their eyes!  It kills me.  Since I've had my own money I have bought gifts (no matter how small) for my parents AND grandparents. And before that...I made them things.  I drew them pictures.  I am not talking about kid drawings.  Not bragging but I draw pretty well and I gave away my drawings as gifts.  They LOVED them.  They cost me almost ZERO money, just a little of my time.  Obviously not everyone can draw but there are OTHER WAYS...

I guess I just feel like relationships are hard enough as it is why make them more difficult.  Just a little effort can go a LONG way.   Will it always be butterflies and rainbows? Of course not but you don't just give up, you don't just settle for second best.  Youngins, if you are with someone who doesn't appreciate you now, they probably never will appreciate you.  You deserve better, trust me!  Newlyweds, if your spouse stopped "trying"...SAY SOMETHING!  Don't just roll over and say "well we are married now".  No, just NO!  You don't have to demand whatever but make sure they know you want to be acknowledged.  Show them through examples...don't expect the world from someone and then do nothing in return. Not Newlyweds, be the change! Let them know you are tired of being brushed aside.  If you give them the world and they give you nothing, TELL THEM!  Changing habits is always difficult but you don't have to just accept things the way they are, you deserve to be spoiled a little too.  Just saying. 

And don't tell me "But, I don't need anything, *nervous giggle*".  Because that is Bull$hit.  You know in 20 years (if you make it that far) you will see all these other couples doing little things for each other and you WILL be resentful... you WILL get jealous...you WILL get upset.  But by that point...changing things will be very difficult (see above example).  No one wants to be married to a doormat (can lead to an "illicit affair")...and if they do you should run away very fast and never look back.  Trust me you don't want to be married to that.  I almost married that (yes I was a doormat and no I am NOT proud of that fact). I am so glad I didn't because I wouldn't have met my hubs and be as happy as I am. 

Everyone deserves to be happy.  Don't just settle because you think it is the best you can do.  Being single is better than being taken advantage of.