Alcohol is bad, mmmkay

Okay not bad.  I am partaking in wine as I type this.  Over indulging in alcohol is bad...weeeeeeeeell, I say bad.  Its more annoying to those who are not as inebriated.  Look most of us have had that drunken moment(s) where we annoyed others.  So I get it.  I am very tolerant, especially if it is someone I care about. 

Fooosball is about to start, so we have this preseason stuff gong on, right?  Right.  It is very normal to partake in beer consumption before, during, and after games.  I had one BEFORE the game.  Hubs had...more.  Chaos (hilarity) ensued.  First, I didn't realize  how bad off he was till we went to leave and he forgot to put his headlights on...and then giggled.  OUT!  Now!  Put car back in park and exit. 

I'll just list the rest below (my side of the conversation bc its funnier that way):

- Stop touching me.  OMG, leave my zipper alone!  I STG boy I will pull this vehicle over.  NO, not to hump like bunnies in the back! 
- Pick a f**king station.  No...no...I did not mean find Barry White on my phone...*sigh* turn off "lets get it on"!
-  You want taco hell?  You?!?!  Mr. "I hate fast food" wants a Mexican Pizza...?  Okay.....
- Seriously, there are 15 cars in line at Taco Hell at 11PM?!?!  Stay here.  No STAY!  Did you just bark at me?!?!  Ewwwww you licked me!  Just stay, I'm going inside to get food. 
- *5 min later* he's doing the pee pee dance in the car.  OMG, just go...go pee...QUICKLY!
- Help me feed the pups...what are you doing?  Where are your pants????  Ya know what sit here...eat food...I'll do everything else.
- Where is my other taco? You ate it?!?  I hate you right now....
- *he passed out on the couch* Hey, hey!  I'm going shower.  Hey!!!! *shake shake shake* fine...Pups, behave!
- Sweetie, I'm going to bed.  *GRUNT* Okaaaaay...do you want me to take the pups out? *grunt*  right....  I took the dogs out just to be safe
- *20 min later* WTF was that crash?!?!? *runs out of bedroom*.  How...how are you still asleep?!?!!?  Why are all y'all hiding?!?!  WTF did you find?!?!  Hey...come to bed!  Don't yell at me.  FINE! 
- *15 min later* OMG they broke the TV!!!  What are you chasin?!?!!  How did a f**king dragonfly get in?!?!  How are you sleeping through this!?!?  WAKE UP, I need help!!!  You should come to bed so the animals stop freaking out.  Hey....sweetie come to bed.  Holy $hit you almost punched me.  *shaking him roughly* Do you just tell me to f**k off?!?!  FINE, I'm out.

I made the SADDEST attempt to catch the dragonfly and lost it....whatever I went back to bed.

- *some time later* why are they barking?!?!  What was that noise??!  Where did you get a shoe?!?  Give me that!  No no no, don't pee inside...dammit!  For f**ks sake WAKE UP!  Y'all stop playing!!!! Are you even alive?!  ARGH!!!!!

- *20 min later* OMG why are they screaming now!?!?!  Dogs shoooooosh! *walks into living room* Come here baby (our puppy is only 8 weeks old) That's it get up!  *slapped his butt* Are you shaking your @$$ at me?!?!?!  OMG...OMG that is rancid *gag* Jesus Christ now I know why its called Taco Hell!  You can stay, we are going to bed.

I finally went to sleep around 1:15AM, he woke me up at 3:30AM coming to bed, bad weather woke me up at 4:15AM, and I had to get up at 5AM.  Needless to say I was dragging @$$. 

SIDE NOTE - I sent passive aggressive texts to my love to document my adventures.  They were actually quite funny...see below.  Also I should note, I couldn't just put the puppy away in her kennel bc she knew he was on the couch and would scream and if she screamed speedy howled...and I was flipping tired.

TEXT 1:
There's a dragon fly in the living room.  I only know this because I heard a loud crash after I went to bed.  (This apparently had no affect on your dream state).  All 4 animals were making an attempt to kill it.  I tried to wake you for assistance, not once, not twice, not even three times....we'll go with four.  I lost the stupid thing while trying to catch it.  It's been more than 15 min and I can't find it.  I tried again to wake you and got nothing.  I'm tired too so again I will tell you im going to bed.  So if they break the tv or anything else trying to get that thing don't blame me. 



TEXT 2:
So I just got back from another awakening.  Im not sure how I hear it from the bedroom with the door closed and ear plugs in and you haven't moved.  I can only assume they caught or tried to catch the dragon fly again.  I also attempts to get you to come to bed.  I was rewarded with some unkind words and a grunt.  Am I angry? Yes but only because I'm exhausted and trying to sleep and keep getting awakened by insanity in the living room with zero assistance.  Good Night...or morning...or whatever time it is when you  wake up and see this.




TEXT 3: 
Captains log:  The pups were crying at the gate.  I took Speedy, put her to bed, and left you in the living room to sleep it off.   I've made my final attempt to move you with no luck.  You shook your butt at me and then farted.  Either you are beyond exhausted or had more beer than I realized.  Either way, I'm going to try and get 4 hours of sleep.

SIDE SIDE NOTE - We found the Dragonfly's remains the next morning...guess a cat caught it. 

Want to make a woman go bat-crap crazy on you....tell her she is like her mother AFTER she just complained how bat-crap crazy her mother is....

I am basically chill.  Most things don't get to me.  I am not easily offended.  Everyone gets mad/irritated/upset but I usually handle it in a very mature manner.  But there are times.  Oh there are times when the stars align.  These are bad times.  It usually means I've absorbed too much bull$hit.  I am past full.  One more molecule of bull$hit and it will all come flying back out.  Usually at an unsuspecting person who, in their defense, is used to me being calm and collected not a raging bull. 

Okay so here is why I was "full":

1. I am sick, like got the crud from idiot co-workers who came to work with the Plague and touched all my stuff, oh AND coughed INTO my office without covering their mouths!!!!!

2.  For the past 15 months we have been watching Oil go into the $hitter.  Last month it tanked.  $25 per barrel, what the actual f**K?!!?!?  I mean it rebounded some but this is still bad.  We live in LA...an oil & gas state...people are being laid off...this is NO BUENO

3.  With that knowledge my sig other has STILL been pestering me about a new vehicle.  Well a used vehicle...new to him.  Because he "wants" it.  Oh yea, well I want all sorts of stuff...doesn't mean I am going to just buy them!  Look, I am nice to a point.  "I really don't think that's a wise decision".  "You wont be able to sell your vehicle for what is left on the note".  "Why get ANOTHER note when this one will be paid off in 1 year?!?!" "I might not have a JOB in a few months...".  "FFS just NO!"

4.  Same discussions were had at the end of LAST year regarding a gaming console (that is for both of us *rolling eyes*), a family trip to the most magical place on Earth, and an overpriced gym membership with a CONTRACT.  I nixed those ideas citing FAILING ECONOMY and potential job loss.  I was "vetoed".  And by vetoed I mean he bought them anyway even after I said, bad idea.  It was justified with bonuses, tax refunds, a more than likely promotion, and a but I really want ____.  Yes, lets spend money we don't have YET.  That whole working as a team thing in action *beating head on keyboard* jhakhdfkhsj.

5.  My female parental unit has been driving me up an ever loving wall with BS tech crap.  Look I get it...you weren't "raised" with computers....but NEITHER WAS I technically and I still figured them out.  So if you want my help STOP yelling at me when I try to help.

6. My office is in the process of selling EVERYTHING that we don't need and moving to a smaller location.  It has been "organized" chaos for 3 weeks. 

7.  I'm.a.girl

This is like the unholy aligning of everything awful.  I've managed so far.  I haven't lashed out.  I've taken everything in stride *whooosa*.  And then I broke.

Me: *sounding completely defeated* Can you please clean up the kitchen tonight, its your turn or something.
Other half: You aren't the only one who cleans the f**king kitchen
Me: Ummmmm, right...just asking and don't "curse at me"
Other half: Just saying, I'll do it later
*text notification*
Me: *sigh* why can't she just do what I tell her and not freak out in 1000 !!!!! because "she wasn't raised with computers"
Other half:  *silence* *staring at phone*
Me: Right  *goes to heat up dinner* *starts putting away dishes because I am in there so why the f**k not*
Me:  Can you feed the dogs?
Other half: *Silence*
Me: *starts feeding dogs*
Other half: *5 minutes later* I'm going to bring convict (dog) to see that vehicle.  *looks up* I said I'd do it!
Me: *with attitude* Really, didn't hear you say, well ANYTHING.  Plus, I was in here and I didn't want to "nag" you into actually helping out
Other half: *quietly* You sound like your mother
Me: *leans over sink trying to convince myself that throwing my dinner at him would be a bad idea and almost failing*

 *instead bursts into angry tears*
Other half: *doesn't notice* *comes in kitchen*  Why are you crying...?
Me: Go away, I've got it
Other half: I said I'd do it. Why are you crying???
Me: Please leave me alone
Other half: Stop.  Why...
Me: Of all the f**king things you could say to me, you say that?!!?!?
*chaos ensures* *confusion* *I was just jokings are said*
Other half: Well, that is something she would say

Me: I'm out...*has an anxiety attack in the bedroom*
*15 min later*
Other half: I'm going to check out that vehicle tomorrow
Me: *screaming in my head* Ya know what, whatever

I am very proud that I didn't throw anything because I REALLY WANTED TO.  I mean am I being too understanding...am I that hard to read...or is this just a case of "I want to do it, so I'm going to do it (or not do it), regardless of what MY SPOUSE says".  

P.S. We talked it out a little later and the vehicle is now off the table because "I don't want him to have it *rolling eyes*".  Still more to be discussed. We all have issues mine just all came to a head at one time.  Financial BS is the WORST, especially when only one of you seems to pay attention to the world outside of our little bubble.  3,000 people showed up to a New Costco where 300 jobs were being added.  THREE THOUSAND unemployed persons...most being overly highly qualified showed up to get jobs as cashiers and stockers (nothing wrong with those jobs, just pointing out how not normal that is).  Yes, lets buy unnecessary things right now, that's a great idea... 

It is still called abuse or bullying even if its by an older family member (your elder) even if you are an adult...right?

Its amazing I turned out half way sane.  I think my background in Psychology along with my common sense and mostly logical way of thinking has helped to heal most of the wounds but they can still be ripped open and it really freaking sucks. I am over 30, why is this happening???

Don't get me wrong I love my family dearly but I have a family member (or a few) that makes me remember why I left in the first place.  I didn't go far but I got away.  Had I not, I would not be in a good place.  And honestly I was scared to death to leave.  They did that to me.  I was 18 years old trying to figure out what to do with my life and they made me think that growing into a strong independent woman was a bad thing.  And I almost believed it.  I let them control me for so long.  It was almost as if I wasn't supposed to be me.  I now have the ability to think on my own.  They can't "brainwash" me anymore and that makes them angry.  There is no reasoning with them.  I don't know what else I can do. 

I am going to post a conversation below (actually two conversations that happened 3 weeks apart).  Its mean and it took all of my self control to be the bigger person for the most part (I failed a bit at that...I am human and I was getting really annoyed).  You don't have to read it...this is more for my mental release than anything but it will give you a glimpse into why I am the way I am.  Also...its really long so feel free to skip to the conclusion at the end. 

THREE WEEKS AGO:
Them: Did your bastard dad talk to you  about these papers ?
Me: Ummmmm what?
Them: Well assumed he didn't. They all are a lieing scrum if the earth. Your dad called me about why I did not sign papers. He was very bossy & pushy about it. Did not believe me when I told him bitch sec did not have them. I called you and told you what happened and that she did not know anything about it. She was supposed to call me back but never did. Now I am busy I have things going on and your dad seems to think I have all the time in the world and if i am doing something just drop what I am doing. This is what u had to live with when I was married to the ass. Him and his boss face family and I still can't get away from it. 

(I DIDN'T REPLY)

Them: Do have his number.
Me: ....I have his office number ***-****
Them: That is was I need. I will find out what happened.
Them: Home now!!! No one answered phone. Thought I share since your are more concerned about them being upset  then they up setting me. Thank you for number.
Me: I don't know what on earth you are mad at me for but I was at work and I wasn't involved in any of that bs.  I only said anything the two times dad called me. 
Them: Yes but you do remember me telling you about ____ & _____?
Me: I never talked to dad about it again after you told me that.  So yea I do but it was never brought up. 
Them: Ok NOLA Gurl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Again why are you mad at me.  I didn't not have the paper work, I didn't make it rain the one time you were ready to go and I don't control my dad or my uncle.  This has been lingering for a months....I don't really know how it's my fault
Them: You see you don't remember!!!!! She did not know about the papers and they  were not drawn up. She had to talk to him and call me back. I am not mad at you but Ian tired of being treated with disrespect and talked to like a dog from your dad. I wish I would have seen what people were telling and called off that wedding. She never called back so your dad is mad calls me up and talks to me like he is God! I am tired of getting blamed for the divorce and all there lies and poor sob stories on how innocent they are. If only I would have listened & not so ni eve.
Me: Well as wonderful as that revelation is it kind of makes the product of your loveless mistake of a marriage feel a little like crap, so yea thanks for that.  Sorry you feel that way but unfortunately it did happen and you can't change it.  I don't know how he speaks to you but I know he can be sarcastic at times but you need to not take him so seriously.  He called to find out why it wasn't done.  It's been months.  He isn't trying to swindle you into anything he is trying to remove the liability of the house from his name and and give you full control of it as should have been done a long time ago.  And yes I do remember but I haven't talked to dad about it in months so I never relayed that situation about the paperwork. 
Them: Well sorry you feel that way but on my end it was not loveless but a with your dad his love was not strong just wanted to have a good time with no ties. Now you know. That is why people knew I was going to be hurt just move on and heal. He didn't want any responsibility taking care of a family. I am sorry you feel the way you do and can't do anything about that you are a big girl so do and think what you want.
Me:  I have no idea what is happening.  I don't feel any way.  You are the one spewing regrets at me.  Regrets that if changed would involve me no longer existing so yea it's a tad insulting.  I think you need to calm down because if you go back and read this conversation you may realize how angry it is towards me...you know the one who didn't do anything.  Sorry you think dads an ass.  Don't know how to changed that.  But after this is signed you don't really have to deal with him again so that's a plus...right.
Them: Yes it is I think! I thought no more him after divorce and here we are almost 30 yrs later. What ever the answer is yes!

What the actual f**k happened?!?!?!  I tried to stay out of it but I was asked to find out what was going on because someone was avoiding phone calls...AGAIN.

THIS WEEK:
Me: Soooo I'm not trying to annoy you or piss you off or "take sides" but you really should go sign that paper when you get a free moment.......
Them: What the hell are you talking about!
Me: Right so getting mad, my kindness didn't work.  Okay.... I didn't know if you had had time to sign the paper...dad mentioned it in passing last night.....
Them: You already made up your mine about taking sides. They have you so up against your mother and grandparents . You used to take up for us now we just get thrown under the bus like trash. You saw your demon dad last night or he called you?
Me: Okay.....  He called about thanksgiving.  Told me he saw uncle on his bday and mentioned the paper. 
Them: Ok so when was his birthday? (HOW IS THAT RELEVANT????)
Me: Wednesday....
Them:  Oh ok so you what did your dad tell you last night and why is he so much in a rush? Did (someone else who isn't relevant) sign his for (another person not relevant to this conversation)? I don't get the big rush!!!!!!!! It's been almost 30 yrs he walked out on his family and hung on to the house. He had 30 yrs to do this 😕.
Me: I don't know what you are trying to get me to say.  And yes...it is 100% in her name since before I was in High school I think. 
Why would you still want his name on it? It's the same as when I was trying to get my ex off of mine bc I didn't want him to still be able to get money from a house I'd been paying on.   And he ended up getting money off of my tragedy bc I couldn't get him to sign the damn thing. 
I don't know what really brought it about , he probably looked at his portfolio or something and realized it was never taken care of. 
Them: I am not trying to make you say anything just trying to make you see how they are. I will say again he had almost 30 yrs to do this but did not. Now you told me when this first started that (person not relevant) was having a hard time with (other person not relevant to this conversation) signing the papers. Not She had it done in the 90's. You have told me so many stories about things that were not true I don't when your telling the real story. You have no respect for me or my family. I am tired of you stepping on me and saying things about us that is not true. You have gotten too high & mighty for me. I never raised that way. I was poor and still poor and you are embarrassed of me. I am sorry you feel this way. (other people not relevant to this conversation) help me out and that is what keeping going. You go on being with the people that have money you seem to like it but I don't and never will that is why I stuggled to make sure you got your education and social life so you would not have that I will never see in this life time.

That last one is 100% delusional.  I don't know where it came from.  I just stopped responding.  All I did was ask about a piece of paper that needs to be signed...and I got this f**king crazy.  And watch....in a day or two I'll get a call or a text like none of this $hit happened....

This is what I grew up with.  This is what I was taught.  This is why I stay AWAY.