At what age you do decide, "hey, I'm old enough to be an '@$$hole' to everyone and just not care"

Is it like timed??? Does it just happen one day???  "Oh, I turned 75 time to turn off the filter and let all my thoughts out".

I don't take offense because I am me and I try to not be offended by everything.  But it doesn't make it "okay" because not everyone just rolls with it.  It isn't all "Old" people but a striking majority feel like they can say whatever they want to whomever they want just because they are old and I don't know when that happens but it just does. 

And I'm not talking about the innocent comments where there is a generation gap and they don't realize its inappropriate.  I mean when they say things that everyone...no matter what age...knows is rude.  Its like "I'm over 80 now, I have no more f**ks to give".  It's funny (at least to me) but I can see how it can be damaging to those of a more sensitive nature. 

So I went visit the elders.  I brought treats because I am a good little youngin'.  About 5 minutes after we finished said treats our Matriarch said "Hmmm your tummy is poking out.  Are you sure you're not pregnant..." What on Earth...?!?! "Ummmmm, *trying not to be a sarcastic twit* yes, I am 100% sure.  It's because I just ate a bunch of sweets.  It will go down after I digest and stuff".  Her response...was...  She said "Oh, is that a thing.  You shouldn't eat before you go out on dates then.  People will think you got knocked up".  OMG what?!?!  *hahahaha*  "I am married...I mean we go out on dates but if people thought I was preggo it would be okay...".  Then she said "Well make sure you wear baggy clothes at home so he doesn't think you are getting fat".  Oh good God...tell me how you really feel *hahaha* "Okaaaaay, I'll do that... *trying not to roll eyes lest I get backhanded*".

She didn't mean any harm (I don't think), she just has zero filter.  I know in my heart she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings but some of my other relatives may have taken MAJOR offense to that.  Plus she knows we aren't getting PG but she doesn't know all the annoying details of that not working so you can't fault her there either.  I just don't know when that happens.  My other grandma does it too.  It's like they just say whatever they are thinking without thinking about what they are saying.  I guess after 80+ years you really don't care how PC you are, especially with your goofy family. 

There ain't nothing petite about dat @$$

So I am small...but I am not...does that make any sense???  I am an XS/S/0/2 in tops and FLOWY dresses...I am a M/L/4/6 in pants, skirts and fitted dresses.  The problem with the fitted dresses is if I get one that fits my top, my @$$ looks like it's trying to orchestrate a prison break...if I get one that fits my bottom, I look like I left my boobs at home. 

And I am not pear shaped...I do not look like Kim K...you would think that is my shape based on what I just said...but I am not.  It is 100% my butt and that is basically IT! My hips/thighs/waist are still fairly small.  I have a super bubble butt.  (*superman theme playing* It flies off at night while I am sleeping to rid the world of mermaid dresses and -4 size pants. *he he he*) I literally have to buy things to fit my bootay which means the waist and thighs are usually baggy.   To say I have a badonkadonk is misleading, I have a "dayum" but only from the side.  From the front I look almost petite, from the back you can see dat @$$ but its camouflaged.  From the side it is *BAM*. 

I went shopping recently and one of my sisters from another mister argued with me about my "size" in clothing.

F: OMG try on this dress!
M: Sweetie that is petite
F: You ARE petite
M: No, I'm really not
F: Try on the f**king dress
M: *sigh* fine

***ten minutes later***

M: Haaaaalp!  Can some one help me out of this, I think I am stuck
F: Oooooh, yea there ain't nothing petite about dat @$$
M: *grumbles* Yes, I know...

But I digress...I really feel like it talks to people.  It's like "Heeey boo, yea you like that *jiggle, jiggle*" and I am oblivious until I hear someone suck their teeth and say "Heeeey gurl, *mmmm*".  WTF?!? Bad butt, stop that!  *turns around in circle fussing* And I am not wearing revealing clothes (not that it would make that kind of response more acceptable)...it's just everything fits my @$$ like a f**king glove.  Jogging pants (you know the tight legging things)...good GOD!  Most of my shirts hang just below the butt BUT when  you are running they ride up a bit giving everyone behind me an unobstructed view of my jiggly bits (on me its the butt...the boobs don't really move much...). 

I'm starting to develop a complex.  Oh well, at least its firm-ish. 

God, I feel like a broken record

How do people not realize their actions affect others???  How do PARENTS not realize their words shape their kids, sometimes more than their actions?!?!

As weird as my childhood was, I will give it to my parents, they really did allow me to try everything at least once.  I was tiny and "weak" but I tried out for EVERY sport, cheer leading, dancing, theater, choir, etc. until I found something I liked.  They never once told me things like "oh honey, you are too little for basketball".  Because you know what, I might have been a few inches shorter than most of my classmates BUT I could shoot the ball like no ones business.  Did I make the teams?  No, not all of them but I kept trying until I figured out what I was good at.  It ended up being dancing/choir.  That is where I excelled.  I was okay at some of the other stuff (soccer/cheering/gymnastics) but I was better at those two.  And my parents made me pick two things.  You can't do everything so pick what you enjoy most.  My point is, I never gave up and my parents never tried to stop me. They supported me, knowing I just needed to find my niche.  It didn't break my confidence, it made me more determined.

With that said I wanted to cry/scream the other day after hearing an exchange between a mom and daughter.  The little one couldn't have been more than 7.

Lil Bit:  *twirling around* Mom, when do I go back to gymnastics???
Mom: *uncertain* Well we didn't sign you up, but I guess we can...
Lil Bit: *excited* Well maybe I could do ballet instead!!!
Mom: *condescending* Honey, you have never danced a day in your life!
Lil Bit: *still excited* But I could try, I want to try dancing school *still twirling*
Mom: *sighing* Look, you aren't built like a gymnast or a dancer.  Those girls are expected to be tiny and you just aren't.  You are tall and a little thicker than those girls and you have big feet. You wouldn't do well in it.
Me: *staring with mouth open* 
Me: *quickly trying to hide my displeasure with this conversation*
Lil Bit: *looks crushed* But *insert names of 4 friends* are in dancing and about my size.
Mom:  Well their moms should have thought that through
Me: *mortified*
Mom: Now no more talk about things we can't do, okay *hugs kid*
Lil Bit: *unshed tears* Okay mom *walks away*
Me: *carefully speaking because I am always reminded I don't understand because I have no kids* Ummm, maybe she could try dancing school. . .
Mom: No, I don't want her disappointed when she fails
Me: *stupid stare*

What the hell?!!?!?  Why would you do that to your daughter?!!?!?  It's dancing school.  There isn't a try out...you just sign up!!!!  Telling her she CAN'T do something because of her body type...she is f**king 7!!!  You are going to give her body image issues!!!  FYI, she isn't big either.  Yea, she is a little tall for her age but she isn't BIG.  Not that it should matter but my point is, OMG!  She is already at a disadvantage in life because she is a girl because our society SUCKS! It is true, don't try to tell me different.  She needs all the self assurance she can get.  But cutting her down without letting her try...just assuming she would fail...you are a female, you KNOW how hard it is.  I can't form proper sentences to describe how awful this is!   This isn't protecting her...this will cause way more harm than good.  She will forever think she can't do things because she isn't built like everyone else!  JFC you are supposed to teach her to embrace her body not to feel self conscious about something she can't change!

What is with all the Vagina posts lately!?!?!?!?

Which is directly affecting the amount of posts I have about the Vag.  Because I can't help but comment.  This one wasn't YouBeauty, believe it or not...it was posted by none of than Mr. Sulu a.k.a. George Takei (whom I ADORE!). 

Anways, scrolling through my FB and I see this....

Okay that sounds like an STD, can we at least have a different name for it????  And I have to agree with Mr. Takei, I had no idea this was a thing...over there.  So OF COURSE I read the article. It's technically NOT your vag that gets the treatment...its the outter area of the hoohah (I am not getting medical here, you can figure it out).  Apparently older women who are dating younger men are realizing their lady parts are looking a little worse for wear.  I guess saggy/wrinkly anything can make you self conscious which includes um...lips but can't we just use some lotion and move on...? 

"These facials reportedly give ladyparts back their youthful glow using a combination of steam treatments and applying a mixture of coconut oil, egg whites and vitamins."

Right...okay...sooooo is this like that thing I posted about a few months ago??? Go take a hot shower and moisturize just like you would ANY OTHER PART of your body...right?!?!  This just seems like the most ridiculous waste of money.  It promises "to give women the vagina of a 25-year-old”... 

OMG really?!?!?  While I guess some men (probably "men" you don't want to be involved with anyway) may get weirded out by older looking hoohah, but most 25 year old men I've known are really just worried about getting laid. If it is with a Cougar, even better.  This to me sounds more like a "lets point out something that will make women even MORE body conscious and make money off of it."

I read some comments from men saying "If I could make my d**k look 25 again, that'd be great" but I really don't think most men care about that either.  If it still gets up that is all that really matters...right?!?  I dunno, what is next? Lip lifts?  You laugh but I bet this is a thing you can do!  It's like a facelift for your snatch. 

I don't get it but more power to you if that's what you want to do.  And honestly I am not judging the women who are doing it.  If that helps their confidence go for it girl, I just feel like it was created to exploit self conscious older women.  When men age it is dignified, their wrinkles are seen as a new layer of attractiveness and their gray hair is sexy (usually).  When women age they are expected to nip, tuck, steam, moisturize, dye and cover up the fact that they are getting older.  And yes I know there are men out there who are VERY self conscious about their aging bodies but as a whole our society glorifies the bodies of aging men while shamming the bodies of aging women. 

I WISH I could time travel into the future and see what the people of that time think about all our beauty treatments.  Do you think they'll get stranger in the future (like The Capitol) or do you think as a society we will mature into accepting that things change and people get older...embrace it.  I'm leaning towards the former but who knows.  Only time will tell. 

My luck I'd travel too far into the future and find a desolate wasteland where humans vacated the planet long ago and moved to Mars or something.  "OMG, don't drink the water!!!"

Side Note - Apparently this has been around for a few years...

I need a magic pill to make the fat "walk" away

If only I lived in the Whoniverse... It was the only "villain" I wouldn't mind encountering. 

Step 1: Take diet pill
Step 2: Go to sleep
Step 3: Wonder what your cat is chasing at 1:00AM
Step 4: Wake up skinnier
Step 5 (optional):  Meet a barmy time traveling alien and hope for an adventure

I mean that's not a villain, that is awesome sauce.  You "incubate" a baby alien and it walks away as your fat.  And to top it off they are really cute...its a win win people. 

Awwww!!!!

Okay maybe I don't need such an extreme solution...but I need to do something.

We are are going on vacation, YAY!!!  In the summer, Yay!!  To the beach, whoohoo!  I have to wear a bathing suit, f**k...

I am not horrifically overweight but if I put on a bikini it would be bad.  Well I think it would be bad.  I know many women much larger than me who wear that with pride and good on them but I just don't feel comfortable showing off a gut (YIKES!) unless it contained a baby (unlikely). 

Maybe I'll start taking Speedy for a walk in the evenings.  That would curb his crazy and give me some exercise...or maybe I should just rejoin the gym...or both

Such an underrated movie

I don't eat horribly so a little exercise should go a long way.  I just have to make myself do it...argh!  I should take a pic of me in a bikini and give it to my BFF.  Tell her if I don't shape up by July, she is to post it to Facebook.  That could be motivating...I think.

Perspective

I think it is hilarious that I am my worst critic.  I look at pics of me lately and think "Ugh I look awful!  I am fat...ewwww....argh!"  I think you get the gist.  Anyways, I recently uploaded some pics to FB from a formal outing I went to last weekend.  I think I look awful but I couldn't upload no pictures of me so as bad as they were I put them up. 

I was trying to be funny/cute in one in particular and while it was funny/cute I think I look like a sausage stuffed into my dress.  Yuck!  But that is the picture...that is the one that EVERYONE seems to love.  They keep telling me how beautiful I look, how they love my dress and the number of likes is getting pretty ridiculous.  I just don't get it.  Are they just being nice...probably not.  Because there are other photos where I think I look nice and they don't get that much attention. 

I was so reluctant to post that picture because I think I look disgusting but it can't be that bad or it wouldn't be getting that much attention.  I don't like to think of myself as having body image issues but I clearly do.  Honestly I think most women do.  Our society sucks!  I am not fat...I am fairly tiny.  Am I in the best shape of my life, no, but I am not disgusting...now just to make my brain believe that.