Okay not bad. I am partaking in wine as I type this. Over indulging in alcohol is bad...weeeeeeeeell, I say bad. Its more annoying to those who are not as inebriated. Look most of us have had that drunken moment(s) where we annoyed others. So I get it. I am very tolerant, especially if it is someone I care about.
Fooosball is about to start, so we have this preseason stuff gong on, right? Right. It is very normal to partake in beer consumption before, during, and after games. I had one BEFORE the game. Hubs had...more. Chaos (hilarity) ensued. First, I didn't realize how bad off he was till we went to leave and he forgot to put his headlights on...and then giggled. OUT! Now! Put car back in park and exit.
I'll just list the rest below (my side of the conversation bc its funnier that way):
- Stop touching me. OMG, leave my zipper alone! I STG boy I will pull this vehicle over. NO, not to hump like bunnies in the back!
- Pick a f**king station. No...no...I did not mean find Barry White on my phone...*sigh* turn off "lets get it on"!
- You want taco hell? You?!?! Mr. "I hate fast food" wants a Mexican Pizza...? Okay.....
- Seriously, there are 15 cars in line at Taco Hell at 11PM?!?! Stay here. No STAY! Did you just bark at me?!?! Ewwwww you licked me! Just stay, I'm going inside to get food.
- *5 min later* he's doing the pee pee dance in the car. OMG, just go...go pee...QUICKLY!
- Help me feed the pups...what are you doing? Where are your pants???? Ya know what sit here...eat food...I'll do everything else.
- Where is my other taco? You ate it?!? I hate you right now....
- *he passed out on the couch* Hey, hey! I'm going shower. Hey!!!! *shake shake shake* fine...Pups, behave!
- Sweetie, I'm going to bed. *GRUNT* Okaaaaay...do you want me to take the pups out? *grunt* right.... I took the dogs out just to be safe
- *20 min later* WTF was that crash?!?!? *runs out of bedroom*. How...how are you still asleep?!?!!? Why are all y'all hiding?!?! WTF did you find?!?! Hey...come to bed! Don't yell at me. FINE!
- *15 min later* OMG they broke the TV!!! What are you chasin?!?!! How did a f**king dragonfly get in?!?! How are you sleeping through this!?!? WAKE UP, I need help!!! You should come to bed so the animals stop freaking out. Hey....sweetie come to bed. Holy $hit you almost punched me. *shaking him roughly* Do you just tell me to f**k off?!?! FINE, I'm out.
I made the SADDEST attempt to catch the dragonfly and lost it....whatever I went back to bed.
- *some time later* why are they barking?!?! What was that noise??! Where did you get a shoe?!? Give me that! No no no, don't pee inside...dammit! For f**ks sake WAKE UP! Y'all stop playing!!!! Are you even alive?! ARGH!!!!!
- *20 min later* OMG why are they screaming now!?!?! Dogs shoooooosh! *walks into living room* Come here baby (our puppy is only 8 weeks old) That's it get up! *slapped his butt* Are you shaking your @$$ at me?!?!?! OMG...OMG that is rancid *gag* Jesus Christ now I know why its called Taco Hell! You can stay, we are going to bed.
I finally went to sleep around 1:15AM, he woke me up at 3:30AM coming to bed, bad weather woke me up at 4:15AM, and I had to get up at 5AM. Needless to say I was dragging @$$.
SIDE NOTE - I sent passive aggressive texts to my love to document my adventures. They were actually quite funny...see below. Also I should note, I couldn't just put the puppy away in her kennel bc she knew he was on the couch and would scream and if she screamed speedy howled...and I was flipping tired.
TEXT 1:
There's a dragon fly in the living room. I only know this because I heard a loud crash after I went to bed. (This apparently had no affect on your dream state). All 4 animals were making an attempt to kill it. I tried to wake you for assistance, not once, not twice, not even three times....we'll go with four. I lost the stupid thing while trying to catch it. It's been more than 15 min and I can't find it. I tried again to wake you and got nothing. I'm tired too so again I will tell you im going to bed. So if they break the tv or anything else trying to get that thing don't blame me.
TEXT 2:
So I just got back from another awakening. Im not sure how I hear it from the bedroom with the door closed and ear plugs in and you haven't moved. I can only assume they caught or tried to catch the dragon fly again. I also attempts to get you to come to bed. I was rewarded with some unkind words and a grunt. Am I angry? Yes but only because I'm exhausted and trying to sleep and keep getting awakened by insanity in the living room with zero assistance. Good Night...or morning...or whatever time it is when you wake up and see this.
TEXT 3:
Captains log: The pups were crying at the gate. I took Speedy, put her to bed, and left you in the living room to sleep it off. I've made my final attempt to move you with no luck. You shook your butt at me and then farted. Either you are beyond exhausted or had more beer than I realized. Either way, I'm going to try and get 4 hours of sleep.
SIDE SIDE NOTE - We found the Dragonfly's remains the next morning...guess a cat caught it.
No comments:
Post a Comment