I had a dream...I think

So I stayed with family for a few days recently.  It was great, I love them, they love me, a good time was had by all.  Now I have stayed here before but not particularly in the room I stayed in. 

It's a nice room, comfy bed, TV, etc.  

1st night, I was out cold...I was exhausted.  When I am away from home I sleep with the TV on and a sleep mask because...I dunno actually. 

Anyways, I had a very vivid dream.  In the dream I woke up in the room. I could see the TV light through my sleep mask.  The room was FREEZING! As I was trying to go back to sleep (in the dream) it felt like the bed depressed on the other side. I distinctly felt someone lean closer to my side and on my pillow.   I could feel someone next to my right ear and I was FREAKING out.  I couldn't really move but I could feel something by my right ear. I think I heard words but was so panicked I have no idea what they were. 

I was finally able to jerk awake and the TV clicked off as I was pulling the mask off.  Weird.  I was kinda freaked out so I turned it back on and tried to settle down.  

A little while later I had the same dream.  Everything was exactly the same except this time I heard "its ok, I'm family".  My racing heart started to calm down.  I wasn't scared anymore. It felt like someone was stroking my hair and I felt, safe.  I didn't recognize the voice but it felt/sounded male. As I calmed down, I dozed off. 

The thing is how could I doze back off...if I was already sleeping?!?!  Was I sleeping...? I slept there 2 more nights and didn't have the "dream" again but I did wake up both nights at 2:47 AM and 5:03 AM.  Both "nights", same time.  I woke up FREEZING, pulled the mask off, rolled over and went back to sleep.  

What timeline is this??!?!?!

Regardless of your political affiliations $hit has gone so far sideways it's not even funny. 

I fear for my future freedoms as a female

I fear for my LGBTQ+ family and friends

I fear for my friends who have more melanin in their skin

I fear for my people who are here on Visas and Greencards

Honestly...I fear for anyone who isn't in the top 10% financially.

Things are scary.  I try not to be paranoid.  I try not to fall into conspiracies. But the way things are going it's really hard not to make parallels to a certain time in Europe... a time where my grandfather had to go fight in a war. A time where Yatzis ran amok.

I'm just...tired and scared.  I don't understand how we are allowing this to happen.  I don't understand how some people think this is ok.  Racism and sexism are running rampant.  They think its ok now to show how horrible they are. But the worst is how they think it won't affect them too.  Newsflash....Billionaires don't f**king care about Joe Shmo from  -insert tiny town name-.  They aren't going to help us.  Why would they?!?!?!  There is no benefit to do better for us.  

All they care about is money and control.  And we handed it to them on a silver platter.  They aren't even hiding it anymore that they are doing shady $hit, they are just throwing it in our faces and saying "what ya gonna do?"  FFS an immigrant who we didn't elect into office has free reign to do what he wants in all gov agencies.  Cutting out the corruption and bloat is what we want but there are ways to do it that don't involve blindly gutting things like the FAA, NOAA, IRS, DEQ, etc. 

And people are still supporting it and making excuses that they are doing it to MAGA.  

I don't know what to do.  I don't know how it happened. But I do know that we are only a few weeks in and not even the onion can come up with the Shenanigans of reality. 

Ever wonder if you slipped into a different reality in your sleep?!?!?!

So I am close with a few persons of the male gender.  Like we are legit friends.  Most, I am friends with their wives/sig others.  That is all we will ever be and we are super close.  Like we are basically  inseparable and know almost everything there is to know about each other.  

Well last night I had a dream.  And when I woke up I legit went "no...no...NO NO NO!"

We were in a tropical climate.  It wasn't NOLA, I know that.  But it was warm and LOTS of water and LOTS of bridges.  Something was wrong.  Think like Day After Tomorrow WRONG.  

We were at work I think and it was raining REALLY REALLY hard.  At some point about 10 of us decided we needed to leave but it was some place where we didn't need a vehicle so we left on foot.. WTAF.  As we were walking we could see islands in the distance.  The islands had volcanoes exploding.  But like...each one was exploding in a ....face?  One looked like it had devil horns, one was a "normal" face, and so on.  I was very nervous.  Like I knew something was very wrong and we were in terrible danger.  As we are running along the coast I was falling behind.  My work bestie grabbed my hand so I would keep up with him. Look I am short...."fast" on a good day....I was struggling. 

We made it to a bunker but it was under ground.  I was FREAKING OUT. I kept saying we shouldn't be below sea level.  Something is wrong.  We need to go higher!!!!  We were trying to get to our families for f**ks sake.  But no one would listen.

My friend and a few others seemed to be on the same page as me.  We opted to leave the bunker and hop into a Bronco with the the dude from Hawaii Five-0.  What.is.happening?!?!?!

Legit haven't watched that show in 5 years but okay brain.  So we are in this old @$$ Bronco driving across this ONE LANE bridge as waves of water crash OVER the bridge.  I am talking Tsunami kind of waves.  So dreams work nothing like reality.  A 30 ft wave would FLOAT the vehicle and we'd somehow land back on the bridge because he had been driving this bridge his whole life.  

Well one wave was too much and knocked us off just enough that we didn't land back on the bridge and were spun around into some canal thing.  I started to roll down the window to jump out and this f**ker told me to roll it back up because his way would give us more time before the car sunk. 

Well his way sucked and we were suddenly plummeting into the dark depths. I blacked out and when I came to I was looking up at my work bestie.  He started crying and hugging me and mumbling something into my neck.    

We were now on foot and it was just the two of us.  We were hiking across scorched but wet lands.  He was dragging me by they hand.  I kept saying "Leave me, You need to get home!"  But he wouldn't leave me.  He said  I love you and you are coming home with me!  

What....what?!?!  I mean yes I love all my friends.  That is nothing weird but I am holding you back and you could die.... LEAVE ME. Also we have never officially said "love you boo boo"

We were hitting dead ends at every turn.  He was getting visibly more scared but had my hand in a death grip. I was hurt and exhausted.  I was keeping him from escaping. I said  "please.  Please just leave me I can't go anymore".  

His beautiful blue eyes were scared, frantic.  I said "go home! *wife* is waiting for you" 

He grabbed me by the shoulders and said "You are coming home too!  Plus *wife* would kill me if I left you, I think she loves you more than me!"

So we ran...and ran....and ran.  I finally collapsed from exhaustion.  He lifted me back to my feet.  I again begged him to leave me.  He grabbed my face and said "never", then kissed me.  Nothing sweet or romantic.  It was desperate, rough, scared but full of emotion.  He poured everything into the kiss.  Its like the kiss let me know how loved I was.  I was staring dumbfounded at him and couldn't form a thought.

A massive wave crashed over us and I woke up. 

I have ZERO desire to kiss my friend.  Honestly I think if he tried to kiss me I'd either burst into a fit of giggles or gag.  We aren't like that.  We never have been and its' never going to happen!!!!

So why...?  Why did my brain go "tonight you aren't going to kiss hubby or your celebrity crush.  Tonight we kiss someone we see as a brother!!!! *muahahahaha*"  I mean seriously...WTAF!

Riding the Crimsom...Tsunami?

This is 1000% TMI please feel free to skip. 

I know I've mentioned it before but I sometimes hate being a female.  We deal with the most ridiculous issues and 90% of the time its downplayed as NBD. 

Well ya know what it is a Big Deal!

I've had some weirdo issues over the years but this takes the cake.

I'm still uh...fairly regular when it comes to monthly occurrences.  Almost like clock work I know when things will happen.  Well last month things...went...sideways. 

It started normal-ish. My cycle began almost exactly when expected.  Except this time it started with me literally having a breakdown after a night out (WTF?!?!)

Legit basically no other issues.  3 days later it tapered off and I got ready for Turkey Day.  That is where things went butt f**k crazy. 

About to leave for dads and I feel a little something.  Well $hit it came back (not abnormal).  I had the WORST CRAMPS OF MY LIFE trying to have a convo with my cousin, this is NOT normal. I was so sick I barely ate. 

3 days later MOFO is still going, like GOING...like WTF this never happens going.  I get to day 7 and I'm like something is wrong wrong, I've gone through a BOX of lady sticks in 4 days.  

I get to day 10 and I'm like white as a sheet, this is no bueno.  I call my OB and get an appt that day (also unheard of). 

I get a once over and a "hmmm that's not normal for you".  Yea no $hit....  I get an Rx for something to make the bleeding stop and an appt for an Ultrasound in 2 weeks because they think its uterine fibroids or polyps...cool cool...no thanks. 

At this point I am not buying anymore effing lady sticks so I get a cup.  Why I didn't do this sooner is BEYOND me.  Best thing EVER ladies!

Anyways, the Rx slows it down but its still happening.  I bled excessively for TWENTY TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!  Honestly I have no idea how I didn't just pass out from blood loss.  On day 22 we have shower sexy time and the mofo stops.  WTAF?!!??!  I would have done this much sooner if I knew it would stop it!!!!!!!  Except I felt like actual butthole and didn't want to be touched. 

Can I just say...I know some women deal with excessively long cycles and I...I want to hug you because this was stupid and I hated life for almost a month.  Lets see what the ultrasound says....

Keep your tacos to yourself!

I have so many questions.  

I literally decided NOT to do tacos for dinner because of this article!

What the actual F**K?!!?

This is why aliens don't visit us.

 How can I unsee this?!?!!

Don't read the article it's so much worse.

Actually read it so I am not alone... READ IT

I need to bleach my brain.

Did...did you hear that...?

So in my effort to move back into my GD house I have been on a cleaning spree.  Just the immense amount of dust is...it's just overwhelming. 

Anyway, I rented one of those small upholstery cleaners to deep clean the furniture. 

I was alone minding my business DEEP cleaning the sofa when I heard a noise.

I looked around but didn't see anything.  A little while later I heard it again.

I turned off the machine and waited to see if I heard it again.

I went to continue cleaning but decided to close the backdoor.  I had it open but with the screen closed.  

Then I heard it again.

I tiptoed in silence around the house but found NOTHING.  It was time to empty the dirty water bin.  As I was bent over unhooking it I heard a scuffle.

Again nothing around me and no other noises in the house.  I was lifting the bin out of the machine when I came face to face with EYES on my entertainment center.

I tried to back pedal away from the intruder but the floor was wet from over spray.  

I landed hard on my back and threw the container into the air dumping BLACK furry water all over me and the floor.

As I tried to focus on the blurry ceiling and take inventory of any injuries, I temporarily forgot I saw eyes.  Before I could register I needed to run, a furry face came into view. 

Are you trying to kill me...also... how did you get in here?!?!?!  She's a neighborhood cat.  She stood over me watching, headbutted me, and meowed.

I carefully put her back outside.  Apparently my screen door has a small hole...where it's torn away from the corner.  You can't see it but she must have pushed on it and realized she could fit. 

So yea, I had a minor heart attack, almost broke my back, and probably have a concussion...oh and had to clean the floor, but my sofa is clean and I know the little stray is still alive.  

Nightmare Fuel!

A week or so ago it had been raining here in LA for like a week.  Not just a nice Spring shower in the afternoons.  We are talking about hell being unleashed on Earth.

The wind was so bad I thought my house was going to blow away.  It rained so much so fast my street looked like a river.  The thunder/lightening was so bad I had three animals vying to sleep on top of me because they were scared.  It was a fun week.

Thankfully this hell week is over...or so I thought. 

Since it's been raining so much, I've been having to put a lamp on in my office because it's so f**king dark. 

As I was sitting there trying get my day started I heard something.

Scratch scratch scratch

Scratch scratch scratch

I look in the direction I think the noise is coming from and....

On the tall lamp behind me inside the bowl shade there is a MASSIVE shadow.

I have somehow transported across the room.

I am now staring at this shadow trying to claw its way out of the lamp shade.

Its a bug who shall not be named and its dying and unable to get out, that I can see, but its still alive and I am losing my $hit!

So while whimpering like a fool I found a step ladder and some Raid.

I unplugged the lamp, then I created a swimming pool for my new friend. 

It disappeared into the bowels of the bowl and I figured it was dead.  I was creeping closer, when that mother f**ker suddenly went full Independence Day on me.

I screamed so f**king loud. 

Once I deemed it ACTUALLY dead I carefully put my lamp outside....trying not to freak out more and decided I needed a new one anyway....

And I still needed to work another 8 hours!!!!

Massacre at mile 11

I have always been worried about the horror stories you hear about running.  You are putting your body through quite a lot so you never know when that b**ch might rebel. 

I've had minor issues before, but for the most part it's been things I can deal with.  

My last half was brutal.  Since there's still COVID around I 100% thought it would be canceled or postponed.  Which means in my brain I wasn't nearly as motivated to train.  I trained up to 10 miles but I reached that 6 weeks prior to the race and then did jack $hit.  

I knew it would be difficult.  I mean I knew I could finish it but I would not be feeling great by the end...  

But I pushed myself because I was cold and stubborn.  I was doing great but I hit a bit of a wall at mile 8.75-ish.  Like my legs felt like lead. 

I walked for a while hoping it would pass but every time I ran, LEAD LEGS.  

I drank water & powerade, ate some gummies and Gu.  Nothing was helping.  Then as I was coming around a bend there was beer.  I don't like to take drinks from strangers, especially during a pandemic but I was desperate.    

It worked.  I mean I wasn't running like the flash but I wasn't dragging @$$ as much.  I know there is some science-y explanation but I am just going with beer good.  

I thought I got this!  I looked at my watch and thought, "OMG, if I keep this pace I could match last year's time" which would be impressive without much training.  

WHY DID I EVEN THINK THAT?!?!

The Universe

As I was pushing through mile 11 it happened.  

THIS IS 100% TMI...READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

I was past the last water station...no more potties until the finish line.  I have never in my LIFE been more thankful for black pants.  I couldn't stop....so I ran as best as I could.  I needed to finish.  I needed to be done.  I needed a SHOWER!

I know what you are probably thinking happened BUT it wasn't that....it was more girly....If you haven't figured it out I was suddenly bleeding...A LOT.

I was that commercial.  They 100% could put me running a half marathon with the caption of "where will you be when the gush happens".   I was hurting, tired, and feeling sooooooo gross.  But I finished. By God I FINISHED!

Have I mentioned I really hate being a girl sometimes.

So you just happened to be running right behind me...?

This...world makes me so freaking paranoid.  I've been trying to stay active and it's really hard because the sun sets so freaking early!!! I finally just sucked it up and started running at dusk/night.  

Can I tell you as a female, that is f**king scary!  I live in a safe area.  I have active neighbors who are outside all the time.  It was just after christmas so the area was lit up with lights.  But I am smallish and know full well no where is actually safe. 

That's why as I was running the other day I got so effing freaked out!  

I run listening to music but I can still hear the world around me which is why I about had a heart attack when I realized I heard another set of feet hitting the concrete.  I was doing speed intervals but didn't want to slow down. 

I couldn't see anyone in my peripheral but it was very dark with only the street lights every so often where I was.  And I wasn't near my house, I was in the back of my neighborhood. So I decided to change up my route.  As I did, I looked over my shoulder and saw...no one.

So now I think I am insane and paranoid.  I slowed a bit but kept going.  Then I heard it again.  

I muted my music.  I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears and could feel my breathing getting labored, I was tired and scared.  I turned a corner and saw some people outside so I slowed down.  

I was cracking my neck when I noticed someone WAS about 100 or so yards behind me.  

At this point I was about 3 blocks from my house so I took off.  I was sprinting (I do NOT sprint).  

I made it home in record time, 100% ignoring the prompts from my running app.  As I ran up my driveway my shadow was running by.  He was probably 6'3" and skinny fit, young-ish and possibly attractive (it was dark!).  He said breathing heavily, "Good Run! I didn't think I was gonna keep up today!" and he kept going.  

 What...what just happened?!?

2 days later I left about 10 min later than normal bc work is stupid.  As I  was coming down one of the streets I saw him come out of a house on my route.  

My assumption is we are on a similar schedule.  I am fairly certain he runs behind me EVERY DAY and I was just a little late that night so I noticed him.  

Its like some weird unorganized running group...of two. Maybe he doesn't want to run alone or maybe he doesn't want me to be alone.  Maybe I should ask...

It really is sad how scared I was initially. It's warranted, you really don't know what kind of crazies are out there.  But at least now I seem to have an unofficial running buddy.  

So like the X-men...?

Weird dreams are my jam lately.  So after falling down a mountain. My subconscious decided to be just plain weird. 

This is one of those jumpy dreams but what I remember is VIVID.  

Anyways so I was in "college".  But it was NOT college.  It was basically a prison camp for gifted individuals.  And I wasn't college age...I was my current age.  Everyone there was of varying ages and had...talents.  Except me.  I was known as the "weirdo" without a talent.  

You see sometime in 2020 (f**k 2020) there was an event of sorts.  This event affected our DNA and certain individuals ended up with a mutated gene causing varying powers.  But not everyone was affected and the ones affected were the minority so the normies were scared of us hence the "camps".   

The reason I was there even without a "talent", is because I had the mutated gene, I just never exhibited anything.  But fear of my potential sent me there, yay humanity *rolling eyes*.

It jumped around alot but I remember a one point being in a cafeteria eating.  I had friends, really good friends, but I was also made fun of a lot because I was basically nothing special.  It sucked but I dealt with it.  Jumping ahead, I was in my "dorm" after being assaulted by some jerks and was having a serious anxiety attack.   Suddenly I was glowing, a rainbow of hexagons blinking around me like some cracked out aura.  As I calmed down they faded.  WTF?!?

It jumped again and I was in an empty classroom freaking out.  I had just been tortured (again?!?) by these guys all in black trying to draw out a "talent".  Once I was alone my weird hexagon aura showed up rapidly blinking all around me.  Except, I was NOT alone.  My friend, who was a scientist that "studied" us but didn't agree with the "camp" situation happened to be in the room. He scared me and I suddenly "blinked away".  I was invisible.  And I only knew I was because he nervously asked where I went.  

It jumped again weeks...months...(?!?) and I was working on controlling my emotions and my talents.  I made a habit of invisibly wandering around campus and into "secure" areas trying to find out what was happening; my scientist friend kept my secret.  

Jumping AGAIN, someone new was brought to the camp.  He was an anomaly.  Apparently he was filming a new movie when he burst into colorful hexagons scaring the bejesus out of his costar.  When they tried to restrain him he disappeared briefly.  No one, including the scientists nor the actor himself, understood  what caused it to manifest as they couldn't get it to really happen again.    

So I sent him a note to meet me in a dark abandoned auditorium (that's not creepy).  I waited invisible in a  seat.  He seemed nervous but in control.  He sat down near me.  I gently caressed  his forearm causing very faint "blinking" but he was unaware of me still and confused why he was "blinking".  I leaned in very close and whispered, I know how to control it.  He burst into a full spectrum of colors and was breathing heavily trying to figure out where I was.  Before he could speak I told him try not to react to me...pretend I wasn't there.  As the blinking calmed a bit, I climbed over him not touching but straddling, hovering just above his lap.  It was like a weird seduction but that wasn't my plan, I could give two $hits about seducing him.  I was no longer alone!  Just as he thought I had left and was relaxing I "ground" down (...grind... you get the idea) and spoke into his ear. "The key is extreme emotion".  It scared the absolute crap out of him & maybe kinda turned him on a bit... He disappeared briefly but in that brief moment he could see me and I could see him...sort of.  WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!? It was just a vague human shape and a color...I was clearly female, pinkish purple and he was clearly male and a royal blue.  He reappeared and as I was contemplating having more fun with him or bolting away, I was punched in the eye.

Wait what?!?!  Who punched me?!?!  I was now awake in a pitch black strange room (Ah, still on vacay) and was seeing "colors" behind my  right eyelid BECAUSE my husband had just backhanded me in his sleep.  Dammit!  That dream was just getting really good! 

The hit wasn't hard, I was fine, and he felt awful. 

Fin

I fell down a mountain

I swear I am coordinated....sometimes.  I can dance and not fall or trip but ANY OTHER ACTIVITY...I end up on my butt...or face. 

So I went hiking, like up a mountain.  I was being so careful!!!!  

I made it up with little incident except getting winded (altitude).  About half way down I stepped on a loose rock.  My left leg slide forward... hubs tried to catch me but he was a little too far ahead.

I had two options try to balance a risk falling off the trail and down a steep rocky slope or just sit/fall.  

I sat...the problem is my right leg had bent under me during the slide so when I sat, my shin & knee hit hard...and I was still sliding. Once I stopped I just sat there assessing.  Pain...yes!!!!!  but I was still on the trail and not tumbling down the side of a mountain, winning!!!

As I shakily stood, pain shot down my leg.

I leaned against the rock wall and carefully tested my leg.

It hurt but was easing, okay so not broken *whew*.

I carefully hobbled down the rest of the mountain.  When I got to the car I pulled up my pant leg.  I had two decent gashes and lots of scrapes.  It wasn't bleeding too bad but was already starting to bruise.  

So what does one do after they fall down a mountain and injure their leg?!?!?! They hike another mountain the next day.