I don't think I have that maternal thing people talk about

First off I am being funny!!!

So everyone keeps telling me one day I will regret not having kids.  And while I think I would be a pretty good mom, I just don't have that envie (ahn-ve).  Don't get me wrong I do like kids.  I love my nieces & nephews & friends kids.  I love them all to bits.  And when I'm holding my 3 month old nephew I think, "okay, yea.  We should probably really think about doing this kid thing".   Then that adorable little chunky monkey decides to spit up milk all over my bare shoulder and it drips between my tatas.  Oh that's cute...now I know why my mommy friends and family are grossed out by nothing.

Because they are soiled daily by their littles.  Maybe if it was my little but ...yea.  I still love him to pieces.  It really wasn't that bad just caught me off guard.  I usually have a burp cloth...lesson learned!  They kept apologizing which I was like "dude its fine, no biggie" but I will say that is not something I am looking forward to.

It is hilarious though.  The second we walk in, its like "mommy & daddy need a break.  go bug your auntie".     My job, which I take VERY seriously, is to wear those little boogers out so mom and dad can get a little relief.  I can't imagine having one running all over, much less two with an infant.  I think I'd go bonkers.  But you can't deny they are the most adorable little stinkers that ever walked the planet.

Best form of birth control...go visit your family/friends with kids.

Its not funny anymore. Joke is over. No really...stop......please.....

This is why Idiocracy could be considered a documentary.

Education is the key.  Educated people tend to make better decisions.  Not always the best decisions but better ones.  We are still human so mistakes will always be made.  So WHY IS EDUCATION NOT OUR PRIORITY?!?!?!  Yes we need to save the planet...stop killing Earth...THANKS! 

Yes we need to do a lot of things.  But fixing these are just band-aids.   If we focus on educating our spawn in addition to fixing the f**k ups...maybe...just maybe we have a fighting chance.  Right...right?!?! 

But there in lies part of the problem.  The persons able to become educated are putting off spawning until later in life.  Well later in life is where we have issues.  So it is possible that the intelligence wont be passed on. 

But those not educated (not always by their own choice) are popping them out one after the other.  And I am not saying ALL kids from uneducated parents have problems.  I am saying on an average that is the case.  Because the parents don't have the foundations to pass on to their spawn.  And teachers only have so much power.  So then we have more than likely 2nd generation uneducated and so on and so forth. 

My rant came from this......

- Person grows up watching older sibling crash and burn from SERIOUS drug problems
- Person watches in horror as older sibling royally screws up their 1st child while still battling a drug
  addiction (mainly HEROIN)
- Person watches as grandpa takes over raising of said child (Permanently)
- Person vows to never be like them
- Person watches older sibling have ANOTHER child while relapsing (Pills this time)
- Person is FREAKING out and watches as that child is taken by grandma (temporary but still)
- Person is starting a career in medical
- Person has an "ooops" ($hit happens, I'm not judging) and drops out of school (NOOOO don't do 
  that!)
- Person moves in with long time bf and baby
- I do not hear much from person for a few years but all seems well when we are in touch
- Suddenly I am told baby is seized by CPS and person & bf are in prison for child 
  endangerment and drug possession (not just any drug... METH)
***Holy f**king $hit!!!  What happened?!?!?!?***
- Baby is about to be released into the foster system when grandma steps up to the plate again and
  takes them in
- A two year battle with rehab & relapsing & domestic charges.  Being kicked out of group 
  homes.  Court.  You name it, it happened.  Person wants the kid but CPS says if they try to 
  take the kid, the kid will be seized...AGAIN.
- Grandma still has kid.  She is court appointed guardian.  Person is trying to stay sober...its an uphill
  battle.
- Today from person "I'm so excited to announce baby girl, due September 2016.  I'm in desperate need of baby stuff so please pass this along."

***Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! No no no no no no no...just f**king no!!!***
*** You can't take care of Baby A...you should NOT be having Baby B!!!!!***
*** Yes, access to things like sex ed and birth control would help but JFC you are 27 years old WITH A CHILD.  You should know that inserting Tab A into Slot B could end in Baby!!!!!***

So while Baby A is being raised by grandma...Baby B will be raised by person...maybe...I guess a court decision could change that.  I am terrified for BOTH of them.  Grandma is old...what happens to Baby A when she is gone or can't take care of them anymore!?!?!? Person couldn't handle raising one...how are they gonna raise two?!?!?

I'm not being mean or jealous.  I am being realistic.  I am being an observer and what I am observing scares me.  

This is just one example.  This happens all the time...I know it does...but how do we stop it.  How do we evolve instead of devolve.   How do we protect kids from following in their parents footsteps (poor choices).  I gave myself a headache.

 

SIDE NOTE - Drugs are bad.  Addiction is bad.  I know its hard to just quit but bringing kids into makes me stabby.

That was a very misleading headline!!!! I was extremely confused...concerned...and a bit grossed out.....

What I saw:

"This Speaker Lets Your Vagina Play Music"

What else am I going to think with that pic and headline other than "If you have enough air coming out of your hoohah to play music you might want to see a doctor ASAP".  Or you may want to contact America's Got Talent because this is a new one in my book!!!!!

My curiosity won out and I read the article.  OMG that makes so much more sense...still weird and disturbing though.  So its a speaker you stick into your vag that plays music for your unborn child.  Ahhhh okay.  Sooooo why would you want to stick a vibrating silicone speaker in your lady parts, when you can just put headphones/a speaker on your belly and be done with it...?  Call me old fashioned but this is weird and unnecessary, right? 

"With Babypod, babies learn to vocalize from the womb."
Ummm while I am all about early development and intelligence...this is weird.  I'm having flashes of a freshly birthed newborn quoting Shakespeare or something.  Oh God what if mom listens to death metal...welcome future serial killer. I'm totally joking...we all know serial killers listen to classical music *see Hannibal Lector*.

"Something great has been achieved, babies start to communicate before birth."
This makes me uncomfortable.  Kicks and stretches and cute stuff on the ultrasound, okay but communication...even remedial forms from a fetus...it sounds very sci-fi esque. *ultrasound noise*  "And here we see your baby at 22 weeks...wait...is he flipping us off?!?  What an @$$hole!"

Ya know what if I ever am able to get preggo, I think I'll just stick to headphones on the belly, if that.  It may be old school but I see no difference in the delivery of the music.   If its in your vag there is still a barrier between the tunes and the baby.  I just...this is just weird!  It seems like a scam to get expecting moms to spend $133 (seriously?!?!?!) on something that may or may not do anything other than piss off your unborn baby because it wants to sleep not be vibrating, while listening to your stupid music.  Dammit mom I hate you and I'm not even born yet!!! This is how the Stewies of the world are created!

Selfish...me? I don't think that word means what you think it means.....

Okay so its a rant (kind of), get ready or don't read further.  I have two short scenarios that made my blood boil.



1.  FAMILY member asking me quietly about babies and whatnot (I am okay with this...this doesn't bother me).  FAMILY member taking my niece from my aunt and putting her in my arms so I could get then envie.  While I adore her...WTH people?!? FAMILY member asking if we were at least trying.  Me saying yes.  Them saying well maybe you need to seek other methods (IVF).  While I wouldn't be opposed to that IF I had more money, I am opposed to it right now, its f**king expensive!  And insurance pays for NONE OF IT here in LA.  Family member calling me SELFISH for not wanting to go further into debt to conceive.  How the f**k is that being selfish!?!?  Reproducing is not required.  I want yes but I don't want enough to have to file for bankruptcy!  If I come into some funds then maybe or maybe I'll use them to pay for adoption fees.  Whatever the case may be opting to not do IVF because of financial stability is not being f**king SELFISH!  What good is getting preggo if I don't have a house or car or money to raise a baby!?!?!




2. Me relaying the above story to an acquaintance.  Not a BFF or family but a friend in some ways (an acquaintance after this ridiculousness).  The response was "well I can't say anything because I CAN  have babies".  Me true but I just...its not something that happens for many without assistance.  The response "I don't know why.  I had babies so easy. All I did was think about a baby and poof I was pregnant".  Right.  This is true I have some family members like this.  I know its easy for many but some of US *emphasis on the US* (hello me, me...you know your "friend" who you KNOW has issues) can't without help so it would be great if insurance would at least pick up some of the tab.  The response "No they shouldn't do that.  Then our premiums would go up just because some chick was defective".  *gob smacked* Riiiight.  *thinking* So by your standards should insurance not pay for people with chronic illness too?!?!?!  *said* Well insurance is still stupid and I hate that ours is now 60/40 instead of 80/20.




I just found BOTH of these scenarios rude and insensitive.  Everyone can have an opinion but if you KNOW someone is having a problem conceiving, both of the above are probably not things you should say TO THEM.  Asking questions is one thing but this was just beyond unkind.

I know Darwin awards are for people who do dumb things and die...but are there "awards" for parents who do dumb things? Aside from prison...I mean that's good, very good but an "award"/here's your sign seems to be needed as well

Okay this isn't an angry rant about how life isn't fair and how some people don't deserve kids or whatever.  It is a real "WTF is wrong with you" rant.  I might not be able to have kids but sometimes I wonder if our almighty gets a kick out of giving stupid people kids.  This my friends is how Idiocracy happens.  The intelligent fade away and the morons reproduce. 

Like I said it's not a "oh woe is me" rant.  But I can't help but cringe sometimes when I see people (yes that is plural...meaning MANY) I USED TO KNOW (and some strangers) with their kids.  Look, everyone has their own way of parenting and that's fine but there are some things that should be instinctive.  There are some things you should KNOW aren't good for little ones.  Your base maternal/paternal intuition should kick in and want to protect your offspring.

1.  Candy is bad.  A treat here and there is fine but regular intake of candy is bad...for ANYONE! 
     Children do not know this.  They have to be TAUGHT this. 
   
       a. Candy is really bad for babies.  I mean common sense says if they don't have many teeth and
           can swallow it WHOLE, they probably shouldn't get it.  It's called a choking hazard.  So no it
           isn't okay to give a 9 month old a f**king jolly rancher!  You are lucky that didn't end badly,
           idiot. 

2.  Loud noises are bad for kids...hell they are bad for us.  There is a f**king REASON I used to
     wear clear wax ear plugs to concerts and clubs.  I like my f**king hearing.  It was great.  You
     couldn't see them and I could still hear well enough. BONUS: I learned to lip read.  My point is 
     kids need ear protection, too.  Loud fireworks, put on the noise canceling ear phones, they aren't
     that expensive.  A band...okay look bands are loud BUT you should never be in front of the effing
     speaker...and if you shouldn't be there...then your 1 year old shouldn't be there either...even with
     ear protection!!!

3.  I can't believe I am saying this but babies don't belong in bars.  Yes, I was taken to a bar as a child
     but it was for a Mardi Gras thing.  As in the owner was a friend of the fam and was having a
     party (kid friendly) for a parade and I was there.  It was fun.  But if you want to go out on a
     Friday night and can't find a sitter...STAY HOME.  Just... one its loud, two its smokey depending
     on which area you are in, three its probably LATE, and four just DON'T!

4.  Doctors are your friends.  If your little one is seriously ill go to the DOCTOR.  Yes, I know they
     cost money but baby's well being is probably more important.  Do not post on FB that they are
     losing weight, can't keep anything down & are lethargic and then ask for advice. My advice,  
     go...to...the...DOCTOR!  I get a "hey does this bug bite look funny" post...those usually aren't
     potentially fatal but anything else...FB isn't where you should be. 

5.  Don't smoke...near kids.  I mean I say don't smoke PERIOD but I get it...its an addiction and it
     sucks.  So just don't do it around the little ones (or me, thanks).  I want to stab people things when
     I see pictures (or in person) of parents and grandparents holding their little cancer sticks while
     holding a baby (or while PREGNANT!).  Their still developing bodies are already exposed to so
     much crap, why expose them to even more?!!?!?  We know so much now, why is this still
     happening?!?!?!

6.  Soft drinks are no bueno.  Yes, I have a Coke or Rootbeer now and then as a treat.  But if your
     boo boo is still young enough to be drinking from a bottle...they shouldn't be drinking
     coke...FROM A BOTTLE.  I know this happened in the 70's and 80's but I thought people knew
     better now.  There is a TON of sugar and lots of caffeine and the acidity alone can royally eff up
     your adult tummy & teeth if you drink too much.  So imagine what it could do to a child??? 
     Look, I had soft drinks as a kid and my littles have them too from time to time but its not a
     regular occurrence.  It is a rare TREAT and it is monitored closely by the parents.  And diet is  
     NOT better...that artificial sugar crap is bad....just give them a water or something. 
       
         a. This also applies to sports drinks.  Those things aren't meant for casual drinking...they are
             meant to replenish your body after a workout.  A 3 year old has no business drinking
             Gatorade regularly with dinner.   Water...or milk...even juice is better...

I know being a parent is hard and I'm not one so clearly I just don't understand...but like I said, somethings are common f**king sense.  And yes, education plays a huge part in this.  Lack of education, usually means lack of basic common sense.  You aren't taught it so you don't know any better.  But information is so readily available now, how can you be COMPLETELY in the dark.  Your kids are exposed to so many things out of your control...why on Earth would you purposefully expose them to "dangerous" things you can control?!!?!?

Rant over, NOLA Gurl out.

My "unoccupied" uterus is NOT up for discussion

Seriously though...why is this a thing?  Why do people think it is okay to ask women insanely personal questions?  And I am not talking family and close friends...I am talking about people who are basically strangers.  No one asks my husband this stuff!

I don't mind being asked, do you have kids or are y'all planning on having kids.  That is fine.  I am talking about the grilling you get after you answer those questions.  Usually my end of the convo continues like this...

No we don't have kids.
Because it hasn't happened yet.

Yes, I want kids.  
No, nothing is "wrong" with me.  (WTF is wrong with YOU?)
Have I been....tested *raised eyebrow*?  My medical history is off limits.
Why does it have to be a problem with me?
Did you really just ask me if my husband's sperm was "good"?  (guess I "asked" for that one)  I should start replying to this one with, "*pondering* it tastes different depending on what he eats"
Yes, I know how to count days
No, I am not telling you when I usually ovulate!
Yes I know I am in my thirties.
Yes, I know I am not getting any younger.
My drinking/eating habits really aren't up for discussion

No, I will NOT stop working out.  That is stupid and the opposite of what the doctor says.
Yes, we've considered artificial methods but really don't want to go broke
Yes, I know we could get a loan but...why...?
OMG there is nothing wrong with adoption...and yes I am aware they wont be "blood related"
Um thanks for the prayers...stop...stop holding my hands and gazing into my eyes *creepy*
No I am not stressing out...if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen
Really I am fine...please stop touching me
Why are you discussing MY reproductive system with another person?!?
Oh please don't give me that "pity" look, seriously I am fine
No, I wouldn't do "anything" to have a child...I am not going crazy over this...please stop.

I just feel like these are rather personal things that not everyone should think they are allowed to ask about.   It's bad enough when family starts on you I really don't need that guy I meet with twice a year asking if my Uterus is "occupied" yet.  RUDE! I swear pretty soon I am going to start saying "No, we don't want kids" which I am sure will get me a different plethora of inappropriate questions/comments.   

Opinions are like @$$holes...

...everybody's got one but you shouldn't share it with everyone.

Sorry but while I do agree that everyone has one, I do not agree that you should try to force yours on others.  Not everyone thinks the same...not everyone has the same plan.  What works for me, may not work for you.  That doesn't mean mine is wrong! 

Point being if someone gets a dog you have ZERO right to criticize them.  It is their decision.  And just for the record, it does not change them wanting to have children!!!! How the flipping f**k does that even make sense in your head!?!?!  "Oh you got a puppy...looks like no kids for you." Seriously?!?!? Go suck on a lemon!

I swear if I hear "now you have THREE big dogs but aren't you trying to have kids" one more time I may go postal.  Yes, good observation...THREE...yay, you can count...here's a cookie.  And yes I want a child (may not be possible but that's a whole other issue)...why are these things mutually exclusive???  Can I not have a baby AND have dogs???  Is there some dictation from God saying you can't have a baby as long as you have fur babies???  I didn't get that memo from the Almighty.  Maybe that's why we can't get preggo...damn divine mail service losing my important notices *rolling eyes*. 

I just..it's bad enough there is nothing medically wrong with us and no boo boo...I don't need you getting on my case because I got a bleeping dog.  Be nice to me or I will train his little @$$ to pee on you!!! Just stahp!  If you don't want dogs (cats) in your house, fine but it is MY house.  I pay for it.  I can have a zoo if I want!!! If you don't like it, don't come over!  Oh wait you don't come over anyway because we live outside of your "comfort zone".  Newsflash, living 20 min down I-10 is not that freaking far!!!!! Okay fine, add in traffic and it can be 30 min, whatever!  Other peeps come visit and they live over an hour away!!!  BUT if you are going to be a jerk about my fur babies you can stay home.  It is their home, not yours. 

Also,  dogs + a child (if that happens) does not mean the child will be in danger.  Honestly based on recent observations God help anyone that tries to harm me, my husband or my non-existent kid(s).  They won't have time to scream before two dogs and two cast rip them to shreds while the old man gases them into unconsciousness with his breath.

In other news just because one person has a "bad" experience with a specific breed being destructive doesn't mean mine will be.  We don't even know what he is for certain.  If he is a little jerk we will deal with it, it is called TRAINING, but I am not going to refuse a fur baby because he is of a certain breed.  That is racist...except with dog breeds...that is breedist!!!!

I just feel so attacked lately.  It is like I can't do anything right.  Except there is no right or wrong just someone's opinion on what they think is right for me.  Animals make me happy, buzz off!

UPDATE: OMG perfect timing.  Person called and gave me an earful about the stresses of having kids....my response "I already have kids.  They just happen to have fur and pee outside."

It is not 1920, at least last time I checked

If I am right, and I usually am, it is in fact 2015.  A time where we are not governed by the ridiculous standards of our grandparents (great grandparents) time.  Women are not just seen as an accessory for a man...they are their own people...with their own careers...with their own mind.  It hurts my brain every time I hear someone say something that sounds like it came out of the early 1900's.  I will sum it up...er, well list it out, below.  And note that I know this does not define everyone...I am just saying I have been shocked to hear such things in today's society.

1.) "Oh my God!  Did you hear she's pregnant???  She's not even married! Such a shame."

Um...first what does being married have to do with having a baby???????????  Last I checked it takes two to tango...why are we focusing on the woman here?  Who cares if there is or isn't a husband in the picture.  $hit happens people!  We are a free loving society...not many people wait till marriage to have $ex so quit being so judgmental. It isn't a shame.  What is a shame is it was probably completely unplanned which means a lot of things are going to change for her (and him).  They need our support not our sideways stares and hushed whispers. 

2.)  "She got knocked up on purpose!" 

Yes there are women who have done this but come on.  Accidents do happen ya know and again there was a guy there who had to contribute.  You think your sig other is trying to get PG on purpose wrap that $hit up son or don't sleep with her, you do have a say ya know.



3.)  "Well now they have to get married, for the baby."

Really...that is your take away here???  Sure lets force marriage on people who had a whoops.  Lets create a potential hostile situation where two people who maybe barely know each other or weren't meant to be married are coerced into it because their sexual exploits created a new life.  This just creates a higher divorce rate and a bad situation for the little one.  A baby does not equal must get married.  If at some point it happens, great, but don't force it because you are having a baby.

4.)  "Make an honest woman out of her."

I am going to nut punch you!  I am not even addressing this one further.

5.)  "You ruined my life!" 

Wow!  While I understand having a child is a big deal...saying it ruined a life is going a bit far.  And again...you took part in this.  To make a baby you had to insert tab A into slot B.  It's not like she siphoned off your little swimmers without your permission or he put them in you without permission (forced sexual content excluded).  If you aren't ready to support another life, maybe you should have thought about that before you did the horizontal mambo. 

6.)  "I pulled out, she must have cheated on me!"

WTF are you smoking?!?  Sex ed 101...pulling out doesn't work.  There is still a chance some can get through...this isn't her fault...man up!  Take some responsibility.



7.) "You can't keep it!" or "You have to keep it!"

They can do what they want...  I am not touching the pro life/pro choice debate with a 10 foot pole but I am saying if she does have the baby, adoption is a solution...if dad wants him/her okay but you can't tell her she has to keep it... just like you can't tell her she can't keep it.  He/she is her baby too...





8.) "I can't believe he is dating her...she has a child!" 

While I understand when you are in your early twenties this can be a slight hindrance it shouldn't dictate whether or not you like a person.  So what if his sig other has child already, I can almost guarantee he isn't a virgin so he very easily could have fathered a child also, even though he hasn't (that we know of). Do not judge her because she has a child, just don't...we should be a forward thinking society..STOP!

       a.) What kills me further is when said person decides he wants to marry this "harlot" and *gasp* 
             adopts her child.  Some people freak out...why?!?  I think that is very
             sweet..admirable...treating someone else's child as your own.

       b.)  Also, for some reason when the situation is reversed the guy is seen as almost a hero. "He 
             has a child.  He is clearly a good man if he is so involved in his child's life."  There isn't the
             same stereotype for him (sometimes there is but not usually).

Single dad = hero, single mom = whore...

what the actual f**k...just no.

Maybe it is just in the Deep South but I doubt it.  Life isn't easy...add a kid to it and it gets even harder but we should NOT be judging people based on this.  There are so many other more important situations we can focus on instead of whether or not a woman happens to have a child out of wedlock. 

Being an adult sucks!

This may get really deep and personal so feel free not to read on...

Okay here goes.  You know how when you are younger you pray that you aren't preggars.  Even if you are not sexually active at that moment, if you are late you have this panicked moment where you are like "I cannot have a baby right now!".  I know you think like this too, don't lie...and if you are male and your g/f told you she was late you probably had a similar reaction.  Anyways, how many days/nights do we spend as young twenty-somethings (sometimes teens) praying, begging the higher powers to send you your monthly visitor.  Then when you see that lovely speck of red you do the freaking happy dance all around your room.  It sounds dumb but most of us are totaly guilty of this.

Why does being an adult suck?  Well because as an adult, married and "ready" for a kid(s) that little speck of red crushes a piece of your soul.  You think back to how many times you begged not to be prego and wonder if the universe is playing an ugly game with you.  Its like well you said before you didn't want it, why do you want it now.  Cause I do dammit, that's why!  Anyways I am not that far into this new way of thinking but I saw a friend go through it a couple times.  You know where she swore she was and then BAM mother nature said "just kidding".  I mean one time she was like two weeks late and although she was making jokes, I know she was crushed inside.  I hate that for her and for me and for anyone for that matter. I mean now she has a beautiful baby and I just hope I am that lucky.

Like I said before I am not that far into this "lets have kids" mantra (just a few months) but I know every time, I mean every time I get my period a little piece of me will want to just scream!  We are serious about this now, like taking temps and tracking stuff and you get the picture.  But I am trying not to be all stressed because I know that is bad too.  Like the last couple months was this and I just and panicked wondering if we waited too long.  I know I am not that old (not in twenties but not near forty yet) but these are the stupid things that go through my head at night...and now during the day.  It kinda sucks!  Plus I know how much trouble my mom had and of course that concerns me...I just hope I take after one of my g-ma's...they both had more than 4 kids with minimal issues, of course they started much younger back then.  *sigh* being an adult sucks! I hate that wanting to have a career and find my perfect match makes us wait longer to have the babies and well we all know waiting too long can be a problem.

This on top of almost everyone I know watching everything I drink!  Seriously the holidays were hilarious!  I didn't want wine but I got a glass because I KNEW the second I didn't have any alcohol, everyone would jump to conclusions.  Even with the glass I was getting stares.  Then my dear cousin made an announcement (which I am BEYOND excited for them) and everyone was like yay! Then secretly they were like I totally thought it was going to be you...gee no pressure, y'all! So I am totally "drinking" for NYE and NYD!  NYE I am buying a ginormous VIRGIN daiquiri so I don't have to pretend I am drinking...I can drink and no one will know, muahahahaha.  I am not preggo by the way, but I am trying to reduce alcohol consumption, I hear that helps *wink*.

So on top of my own freaking out internally, all of my family...including all the in-laws are like we need a baby, stat. And while I laugh and smile, a part of me is like "stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!" Even my dad...he handed me one of my nephews and was making him "talk to me" saying, "I'd really like a little cousin, please".  OMG, really?!  alright, already, geez, hahaha...ha.  But I am not mad at them, don't get me wrong...I actually think its kinda cute that they all want a little me.  I just hate being monitored constantly. 

Okay no more negative thoughts.  *whooosa whooosa* butterflies, rainbows, no pressure!  Hahaha, back to my happy thoughts.

Nola Gurl out :)