Count your blessings!

Alright, its that time of year where we see all of our "lovely" family.  And can I say...I feel like a busted can of biscuits compared to most.  I'm not far per se but I am not in shape. Things are popping out where they aren't supposed to.

With that said I've been around friends and family that look AMAZING.  They are slim and trim and not busting out like I am.  Well I say like I am.  Let me be clear.  I still am small.  Like way smaller than most but I am not as fit as before.  As in I am a bit...um...soft. 

It's a bit annoying.  I am NOT the inactive...soft type.  But then I took a step back.  The ones that are...more fit.  They are the ones that are divorced...separated...not in any type of relationship or "real" job.  They aren't stable.

I don't wish ill on anyone but that really puts things in perspective.  I have an AMAZING husband, beautiful friends, and supportive family.  Yea I am not in the shape I used to be in.  I am 100% certain I may be in SIGNIFICANT pain for the LA half but...I am happy. 

That means something right?  I have the great hubby.  I have the good job.  I have a really good life.   It's not always perfect but its mine. 

Anyways point being...yea they look good because they are working out to meet a new beau but I look like me.  I am 100% going to start running more.  But for me, not for anyone else.  I could be jealous but I'm not.  I wouldn't trade my squishy@$$ with an awesome home life for their rock hard abs but no one to go home to. 

That sounds really judge-y but I honestly don't mean it to  be.  I mean it more as a "the grass isn't always greener".  That's what I see.  Yea they look great but the CRAP they are dealing with isn't great. I hope it gets better for them...seriously I do.

So off I go to try and be a better me but not at the cost of my really good life. 

Peace out peeps!  Be happy with you.  Be happy with what you have.  Happy New Year my lovelies and don't forget to see what you have and stop stressing about what you don't. 

Apparently, I love scotch......

Or I've just really had that much of a f**ked up week and I gave up wine and beer for Lent...You thought I was kidding!!!!!!!!!! (see end of this post)

Yaaaaassss!

I may or may not be feeling REEEEAAAALLLLYYY good right now.

Yay for FREEEEEEE Scotch tasting!!! 10 different kinds of Scotch to try!

I may or may not have realized I actually enjoy the $hit out of Scotch...who knew!?!

I can't...yes I can...no...maybe I need food....yASSSSSS food!  I have the SCOTCH giggles....

Okay okay, I'm good...I made FRIENDS!  Like old people friends...do only old people drink Scotch. My dad drinks Scotch...but I like it...I'M NOT OLD...well not that old...shhhhhh

I have posted four David gifs...I should stop now...but he's Scottish...and I'm drinking Scotch...or was drinking Scotch...stop judging me.

Hmmmm maybe I need sustenance...

Oh I'm gonna to feel this tomorrow...

Wait, why did they cut some random child's hair??? Was it on fire???

"Two volunteer firefighters are on leave after an Ohio family dispute about a child's haircut resulted in investigations, according to the fire chief." Link

This whole thing makes it sound like two Volunteer Firefighters grabbed some random girl and chopped off her hair for no reason.  This has nothing to do with them being f**king firefighters!  This is stupid.  I do agree what they did was completely irrational and wrong, but maybe they news station should MENTION somewhere before the FOURTH paragraph in the article that it was the Step Mother and Father who did this and they HAPPEN to be Volunteer Fire Fighters.  This is a domestic issue to be investigated by CPS. 

This has nothing to do with their volunteer work.  Also, why is the fire chief involved???  Did they use their "titles" as firefighters to harm someone?  No.  This is a FAMILY issue!!!

If I f**ked up it wouldn't say "Account Manager for ______ company did whatever to ________, a Manager for ______".  It would say 30 something woman lost her composure and hit her husband.  Actually it probably wouldn't even make the f**king news. Also, I wouldn't harm my husband it was just an example.

I feel AWFUL for that girl.  It is truly terrible!  But thankfully in this instance, its only hair...it will grow back.  Is it scarring, of course and I think Step Mom and Dad should be investigated.  But for the news outlet to say two firefighters on leave because of a child's haircut is so stupid!

Take about sensationalizing an otherwise, unfortunately, normal story. It almost overshadows the fact that CLEARLY there is a parenting problem that CPS needs to be involved in. 

I hate the media sometimes!

I might be the oldest but I am by no means the most mature

And that makes me fun, ha!  Apparently a 30+ year old (without kids) obsessed with Halloween is frowned upon.  How many years do I have to post something like this?!?!?!?

- People have come to my house "oh are you having a party?" Ummm no...I just really like Halloween .

- New neighbors "oh do you have kids?" Nope... "So what's with all the decor...?" *ahem* I just really like Halloween .

- *wearing Jack Skellington choker* "are you going to a dress-up party?" Huh...?  No...I just really like Halloween .

- "You know Halloween is only one day out of the month", so is Christmas but we celebrate it starting back in July apparently.
     - "Yes but Christmas is celebrating the birth of our lord, it deserves more than one day"
       *thinking* 'Well maybe I am celebrating my lord', *said*  Well, I'll have Christmas 
        decor out starting Black Friday...good enough?

- "You all carve pumpkins?  But you don't have kids!" *WTAF* *sigh* Ya know the dogs just wouldn't stop begging for their own Jack-o-Lantern.

Halloween isn't just for kids.  Christmas isn't just for kids.  ADULTS CAN ENJOY HOLIDAYS WITHOUT KIDS.  F**k off all you judgmental idiots. 

Would you drink/eat something that makes you a little sicker everyday...?

If not then why DO something that can cause health issues overtime?  We all know stress can make you VERY sick...right? 

Well so can holding a grudge...right?

The amount of energy it takes to stay pissed off at someone is ridiculous.  I mean I am not a forgive and forget person if someone seriously hurts me but I also am not a 15 years down the road kinda person either. 

If you hurt me...like REALLY hurt me, I will distance myself for my own sanity.  I do forgive quick usually but I don't forget and am cautious.  With that said if someone is TRULY sorry, and proves that to me over time, we are cool.    Will I trust them 100%...probably not but I get over things...I don't waste my energy on hatred. 

Where did this come from?  Well I have an acquaintance who cannot fathom how I can stand to be in the room with another acquaintance. 

Backstory:  In 10 years ago a close friend of mine went through a thing.  This thing brought all kinds of skeletons out of the closet.  During this "thing" I learned that my close friend had been lying to me about a lot of things for 8 years.  ONe lie, lead to another lie, and so on and so forth.  I was friends with their spouse, auntie to their children, we hung out all the time!!!  And the lie was stupid.  It wasn't necessary...had I been told the truth from Day 1, I wouldn't have batted an eye but the compounded lie destroyed my trust.  How can you blatantly lie to someone you call your sister everyday for 8 years?!?!?!

Moving on, it took years for me to feel comfortable speaking to this "friend" when we saw each other.  I wasn't mean or hateful, just uncomfortable.  But eventually I realized they were honestly remorseful about what happened.  Basically the lie was told before we were close and the more time that went by it never seemed like a good time to come clean for fear of losing relationships which happened anyway but whatever. 

With this said it has been 10 years!  I barely hold a grudge for 10 minutes much less 10 years!  I am not one to keep reminding someone of their f**k up.  If you acknowledge it and apologize its done. Which is why it baffles me that this other person thinks I should still be harping on this 10 years later.  I don't care.  The past is the past, we have moved on, why can't you?  While this did affect person A, they weren't THAT close to person B so why the continued hatred?  Is it on my behalf?  If so, please STOP!  Holding on to something like that cannot be good for you!

I don't understand...maybe I am too forgiving but I'd rather focus my energy on happy times than dwell on the negative. 

Just my ramblings...*ugh* why isn't it FRIDAY?!?!?!

I dressed up as The Doctor and now my soul belongs to Satan

Look I'm not really one to be like "your beliefs are stupid" but sometimes I see (or am told/TAGGED IN) $hit and just want to throat punch people.

LINK

Right...okay.  What?!?!!?!? Also, stop tagging me in this stuff!!!!!

If you don't want to celebrate Halloween, that's fine.  But stop with the stupid.  Halloween is not a satanic holiday.  If the church of Satan uses it as a holiday they "stole" it from earlier religions/traditions ...just like CHRISTIANS "stole" the winter solstice...also known as Christmas...from earlier Pagan religions. 

Again, if this is your belief I guess that's fine but stop telling me that because I celebrate my FAVORITE holiday I am not Christian and stop telling me my littles are being opened to demons because little Suzy dressed up as f**king Cinderella!

"We think because we are not performing any demonic rituals or human sacrifices that we are on safe ground, but did you know that as soon as you dress up, whether you color yourself or put on a costume, the enemy owns you? Because by doing so, you have turned over your legal rights, and you have dedicated yourself and your kids to celebrating the devil's holiday. "

What?!?! Are you saying I signed some divine LEGAL contract at some point and celebrating Halloween negates it?!?!? I don't think that's how this works....

Here's my take on it.  This person is a troll.  Like the ultimate troll.  How can I make already hyper paranoid Christians bat$hit...I know lets tell them if they put kids in Costume on one specific f**king day of the year, they're turning them into devil worshipers *pahahahahaha*.

Riiiiiight...*rolling eyes*.

"As devil worshippers, Halloween was very special to us, and we looked forward to celebrating it because we knew the implications and the dark power behind the night."

This is f**king dumb.  There is no special freaking demon power on Halloween.  It is an end of harvest festival that can be traced back to Celtic and Gaelic folk traditions. 

Here is where I think all the crazy BS comes in.  "it was seen as a liminal time, when the boundary between this world and the Otherworld thinned.  The souls of the dead were also said to revisit their homes seeking hospitality."

So a combination of OLD traditions.  Traditions that existed BEFORE CHRISTIANITY combined with new traditions created the holiday we now call Halloween.  

Tell me again how I am worshiping Satan if I am a f**king minion on Halloween and hand out candy to cute little kids who are having fun? 

But wait there's more! "The only harvest we celebrate is the harvest of souls.  For many who celebrate Halloween, that celebration carries over to Nov. 1, which is also known to some as the Day of the Dead, or All Saints' Day, but there is nothing holy about it—it is demonic."

Really...you are telling me ALL SAINTS' DAY...the day we (well some of us) visit the graves of our dead relatives and friends to leave flowers is...demonic...?  "We have a picture in our minds that it seems holy, but there is nothing innocent about it. " Uh huh.... 

No!!!!!  It is a day of f**king remembrance.  We REMEMBER those who have gone to heaven...recognized Saints and those not recognized.  We aren't performing some ritual to bring our friend back as a f**king zombie.   

Ya know what, its fine don't celebrate Halloween or All Saints' Day for that matter...more candy for me and less people when I leave flowers.  

This is how crazy happens!  Seriously, the devil is not hiding in a Holiday.  If you believe in Lucifer then you should also believe that he is always there tempting you.  He doesn't pop out on f**king Halloween and say "Ahhhahahahaha, you dressed your child as a sock monkey, his soul is now mine".  

Sorry, this stuff just makes me irrationally angry...

It is confirmed!

Sorry sorry sorry to harp on this.  So I made a new friend.  My new friend was extremely tall next to me in my chucks.  So I asked her (not rudely) how tall she was.  She said "oh I'm 5'10" but I have on 3" heels".

So that puts her at 6'1" (right?!).

I was eye level with the boobies.  No kidding.  We were chatting and my eyeballs were just above the center of the tata.  And I mean they were nice tatas.  How do you not stare at tatas that are legit eye level?!?  I tried to look over her shoulder but I wasn't tall enough.  So I tried to make eye contact but I am a half pint sooooo yea the struggle is real!  She totally smacked me at one point (not hard)...

...Because I kept looking around like I wasn't listening but I was listening I just didn't know where to look!

She was awesome about it calling me her little American Girl Doll (hey now!). 

Anyways if she was 6'1" with heels on and my eyes were mid chest then it is safe to assume my conclusions from this post are highly accurate.

F**k, I'm short!

So like its a ongoing joke that NolaGurl is short.  But sometimes I forget HOW short I am.

So I was looking at pictures and I realized I am almost abnormally vertically challenged.

Take the pic of me and Jenna Coleman from a couple years ago.  Now mind you I had on converse but I was a good 3" shorter than her and she is TINY.  She HAD to have had on heels.  Because according to the Internet (its always accurate) she is only 5'2" and I am somewhere in the 5'1" -ish range depending on my posture.

Moving on.  This got my curiosity sparked.  How freakishly short would I look if I took photos with any other celeb favs (without height assistance)...?

Billie Piper 5'5" - I'd be staring at her chin

David Tennant 6'1" - I'd basically be eye level to nipples.....

Tom Hiddleston 6'2" - Somewhere in that same vicinity

Peter Capaldi 6' - Chest gazing yet again

Jensen 6'1" - I'm seeing a pattern here

Misha 6' - I'm getting used to staring a man pecks

Jar Pad 6'4" - That's like belly button danger zone (hahaha, jk...maybe)

Tom Ellis 6'3" - JFC what are they feeding these people?!?

Scar Jo 5'3" - Okay a bit closer to me

Caity Lotz 5'6" - Oh come on!

Morena Baccarin 5'7" - ...really?!?! I mean shes hot so yea okay

Jason Momoa 6'4" - Combine that with his width and that is a laughable pic

Nathan Fillion 6'2" - Dude....DUDE!

Stana Katic 5'9" - I...I did not realize this...

In conclusion...I am a for realz shorty...Jenna is probably the shortest famous person I will meet...also...any future celeb meetings, I should wear heels....

How it looks

How it feels

Oh and just for fun (because I've met him before)

Shaq 7'1" - It looked as funny as you are picturing. This was pre-smart phone so I don't think a picture still exists....

Also, the husband is just over 5'10" and my eyes are near his collar bone so I guess I like 'em tall-ish, ha!

Seriously though...if she's 5'2" and I'm an inch-ish shorter...that is totally just above nipple level.....  

You make me want to light my computer on fire...and then throw it at you!

If I get  randomly added to one more Facebook group I am going to lose my $hit!!!

I don't want to "get oily"...I like EOs but I've been added to seven...SEVEN different "online groups", get help people!

I don't want longer lashes...well I do but not for that kind of money...f**k off!

I don't want to reduce the signs of aging...okay maybe I do but again not for $$$$$$$$ for a month's supply...suck my toe!

I don't want stick on nail polish...seriously?!?!!? Didn't I use this as a kid bc nail polish was messy...?

I don't have f**king kids, quit trying to sell me a subscription to Christian kids books

I don't want a new makeup...trust me it isn't that Unique...eat a d**k!

Those leggings are f**king hideous, who are you trying to fool?!?!

My $15 workout clothes work just fine I don't need a gold lined sports bra with pillowed inserts made of virgin sheep fur or whatever.......

I like my drug store lip gloss...why the f**k do my lips need $45 tint...?  Yea yea "but it stays on"...Ya know what so does Maybeline super stay and its $10.

I don't need to create a pendant or bracelet from tiny charms and be charged $$$$$$$$ for it...there is a thing called a craft store (or Amazon)...$20, done! Or Etsy....I like Etsy...

Also, if you add me as a friend bc we knew each other in HS, I am generally happy to catch up with you.  But then try to sell me something I am going to show up on your doorstep and squirt you with a water bottle ...

*squirt squirt* "No! Bad Friend...BAD!"

Don't get me wrong, I think its great these women (and some men) are trying to earn some extra cash and it doesn't bother me to see their pics/products in my timeline. BUT adding me to random groups makes me Stabby.

Invite me, fine great, I'll just ignore it.  But I hate that they can just add me.  "Hey NOLAGurl, that chick you haven't seen in 20 years just added you to her new makeup group.".  And then you are suddenly blasted with 15 rapid fire notifications.

And I do not want to become a re-seller!!! Its like a ponzi scheme...right? "I'm a seller, I recruit you so now I get ___% of your sales on top of mine.  You recruit someone and you get ___% of their sales and I get ___% of your %.  Oh and did I mention you have to 'buy in'.  Don't worry its only $1,000". What?!?! Or some crazy BS like that.  That's a scam right, that sounds like a scam...its a scam...?!?!?!  I just can't see the ROI being quick or even there...

UPDATE - I purposefully did not post anything about what happened in Las Vegas.  I am saddened and heartbroken...its a scary scary world.

Another 30 Years?!?

What?!?!  So Dirty Dancing and DuckTales made 30 this year...?  Conclusion: 1987 was the bomb diggity...

Soooo does that mean the new one is out...coming soon...it is weird for a 30+ y/o without kids to watch it?!? Because lets be honest...DuckTales was ah-mazing.  Also, adulting sucks...I need a break...

Ah, it came out on 8/12.  So in theory, if I was bored...I COULD go check it out.  What the F is Disney XD?!?  Jesus, I am old...

You're not supposed to agree with me!

That is a Graboid, Suckoid, Snakeoid...STUMPY!!!!

I've seen Tremors...everybody RUN!!!!

No wait...don't run...stay still...and get to high ground...

But seriously....WTF is that?!?  My friend sent me the twitter screen shot...said "LOL its a sand worm".

So I started Googling and found...

 of course IFLScience posted something.... LINK

Apparently more than likely "it's a fangtooth snake-eel, otherwise known as the "tusky" eel."  

F**king Harvey brought up some poor Alien from deep in the ocean....Can you imagine that swimming at you while you are swimming for your life...

"waiter, there is a hair in my soup"

"Ma'am, its attached to your finger nail"

LINK

No...just no...JUST NO!  I feel like I have to state I really don't care what your fashion style is but this seems incredibly unsanitary.  There is a reason humans don't have hairy fingers...well evolution but can you imagine what would live in finger fur?!?!?!

Seriously give it a think...I'll wait....

Were these the progression of your thoughts...because they were mine the more I thought about it...