Birthday Buggin

Birthdays come and go.  Every year seeming to come faster and faster. 

I know its hard but I really try to just live.  Enjoy life.  Do what makes me happy.  

This year was no different.  The problem is my birthday is in Prime Spring.  Bugs and pollen in abundance.

On my special day we decided to have night caps....outside....in New Orleans.

1st off its already humid as hell

2nd...OAK TREES

3rd Swarming season

So while I am not hot flashing really...it's getting there so this chick that's always cold randomly gets...warm.  Especially if its hella humid outside. 

So as sweat was dripping down my crack something landed in my espresso martini. But before I sould investigate, WTF just just pegged me in the face?!? OMG its a june bug!!!!

Those effing things seemed to be drawn to my bright @$$ dress!!!  I swatted a few *ping* *ping* but they kept coming back!  One landed on my head and I thought my soul was going to leave my body.  

Then I remembered something floating in my drink.  Are those ....wings??!!  OMG its a termite!  That's when I noticed the sporadic fluttering above us near the lights.

Mid me fishing the termite out of my drink I see hubs out the corner of my eye swatting at something.  Before I could register what was happening something pegged me in the chest and went down my shirt.  Queue me panicking and realizing a spastic bug just landed between my tatas.  Before I could really react it flew out an pegged hubs in the forehead. 

At this point, after finishing my martini (yes I still drank it after fishing out the termite), we decided to bolt before something BIGGER than a june bug/termite came out of the trees. 

Pterodactyl Screech

Look I am not generally scared of things but sometimes nature has other plans and it makes my neighbors question my sanity.  

It's been a couple years since I've really gardened and I decided this year, it's happening!

I'm used to creatures.  I'm used to bugs.  I'm used to pollen. 

At a distance!

When I am pulling weeds for a while I tend to sit down instead of kneeling.  I also usually wear pants and long sleeves. This is important. 

As I was tirelessly clearing the garden I saw movement out the corner of my eye.  I looked down and froze in horror.  I had MULTIPLE garden beetles crawling on my arms and legs.  I tried swiping and shaking my arm but they wouldn't budge.  They were crawling higher. 

Queue panic!!! I started frantically trying to get them off, saying "No no no, get off get off get off!!!".  One made it to by bicep and I freaked out jumping up and shaking all my limbs saying "get off get off get off!!!!"

I finally started flicking at them, manically laughing, as they came free.  After I was certain all were off of me I heard "Hey dere girl, you good?"  

My neighbor and his nephew...SAW THE WHOLE THING.

One of these days one of my neighbors is going to film my antics. 

A life not lived

I know I have intense dreams but this one was different.  This one felt a little too real.  

I was in college and I met this guy.  It was a whirlwind romance and we ended up getting married after graduation.  He was my current husband but in reality we met much later in life. 

We went though all the things.  Laughter, love, hardships, etc.  After multiple miscarriages we finally had a baby. We lived in a two story house near my parents.  It was very bright, lots of windows and light colors.  We were happy. 

I remember all the 1sts of our baby boy.  His name was Adam.  His crawling, walking, talking, 1st day of school.  I remember ALL OF IT.  We went through the milestones but also the little things.  I remember scrapped knees and sleepless nights.  I remember pets from babies to death and explaining to him death.  I remember vacations to the beach, the mountains, EUROPE (I’ve never been to Europe…but I have a distinct visual of a museum). 

I remember my parents.  Most of all my mom….she wasn’t like she is in reality.  She didn’t listen to my grandparents and was actually happy with her life. We all grew older. He went away to college.  I experienced empty nesting.  We went on lots of vacations. He would visit during semester breaks.  

We grew older together.  He lived out of town.  One day he came home unexpectedly.  He was making microwave Mac and cheese just like he did when he was a teenager.  He told us me met a girl and he was going to ask her to marry him. 

I remember being so happy.  I remember crying.  I remember the wedding.  And then I woke up.  I woke up and wondered what Adam was doing. Then I got really confused and realized it was 6AM and I needed to get up for work soon. 

I spent the whole day in a daze wondering about this “dream”.

I lived a whole @$$ life in one night.  I didn’t type all the details but I can picture every piece of the kitchen.  I remember going into labor and being rushed to the hospital. The blue dress I wore to his wedding.  My graying hair that actually looked kinda of nice.  

The mind is a crazy thing.  How can it create such a vivid fake reality.  How can I feel like we had a kid who grew up and did wonderful things when we were never able to conceive?!?!  I don’t know what it feels like to birth a baby but I have a very vivid dream memory of the pain, fear, joy, exhaustion. 

I don’t know what to make of this but it’s weird as heck and I needed to write it down.  

Smells like safety

I know scent memory can be strong.  I know it can be random.  But when it triggers, it trigger hard. 

I have this lotion I received from a small company that is no longer in business.  It’s a soft but masculine scent.  But not like OMG it’s a boy scent (I do love those) but like…not floral or fruity is what I am saying. 

Anyways, it smells sooooo incredibly good to me.  But it triggers a memory.  Mind you not a full memory but a memory of a feeling.  When I smell it, I feel safe and loved.  It’s intense but I can’t connect it to a person.  

Like I can’t place who it reminds me of just the feeling.  I don't wear it all the time but I generally like to wear it to sleep or when I am feeling exceptionally stressed.   It’s more of a fall scent but it makes me smile every time I smell it.  

I wish I knew who wore it to evoke such a strong feeling but I can’t figure it out.  All I know is whomever it was made me feel safe and loved. And I don’t necessarily mean romantic love just….love. 

Gah I wish I could put it into words. I dread the day I run out because I can’t buy it again.  Honestly I am tempted to message them and be like how did you make this?!?!  I don’t want to sell it, I just want to me able to make it for me.