Weeeeeell, Purple IS my favorite color....

Saw this:

LINK

I had a moment...or two...or five

How?!?!!?  She like full on snapped his neck!!!!!  OMG OMG OMG please be like an only she can hear/see him thing...

I know its not until 2018 BUT I get my JJ, DD, LC, etc fix like in 4 days, yay for The Defenders!!! Please please please let Netflix keep the Marvel shows.  They are the f**king BEST!!!!

Auntie Em, Auntie Em! Oooooh Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore

So yesterday is now filed under things I never need to experience again...EVER.  It was a weather thing.  A BAD weather thing.  A REALLY bad weather thing that had 1/2 the state scrambling to shut down early so people wouldn't be on the roads.

The issue wasn't really rain, although that was a factor too.  The bigger issue was HIGH winds and potential tornadic activity.   While I have had the EA (Emergency Alert) on my phone go off before, had the tornado sirens go off before, had my parish calling/texting take shelter before, and even seen a tornado from a distance...I have NEVER been "in" one.  And I could live the rest of my life without experiencing another...PLEASE.

I mean I know we've been on the way "Outskirts" of tornadoes in the past but yesterday was different.  Yesterday was eerie.  I've had bad feelings before but I was a nervous wreck for a good portion of the day yesterday.  Mainly because the weather people were freaking out.  I was catching up on shows I missed when my phone really started going crazy with texts from family.  So I tuned to WDSU and my jaw dropped.  There was a tornado on the ground not far from me.   Thankfully it went just north of me but the fun wasn't over yet.  As I was staring out my back door at the sky I noticed the clouds looked "funny".  They were moving erratically, not in any one direction.  

I was debating if I should grab the animals and jump in the tub when insanity happened. 

- Everything went impossibly still. 
- Then blinding rain started coming down sideways
- There was a loud bang/explosion and the power was gone
- A siren went off 
- My phone went off 
- I grabbed two cats and two dogs and shut myself in the bathroom 

I know they say it sounds like a "train" and I can understand why.  But its not really a train.  It is quite a disturbing sound and hard to describe.  Almost like an angry moan.  It was loud and it went from moan to almost a shrieking.  You could hear $hit slamming into the house and then it was over.  It lasted minutes...seconds...I don't know.  So there I was in the dark, in the bathroom, with my phone screaming at me with alerts & seek shelter phone call/texts, and 4 frightened animals.  I literally just sat there pondering if I should exit the bathroom or hang out for a bit.  I opted to hang out for a bit.

Hubs called a few minutes later.

- Please tell me it missed us!?!?!? And y'all are okay. 
- Ummm I think so...I am in the bathroom and am not sure if I want to leave yet.

I eventually ventured out and *whew* the house was fine.  It took him 20 minutes to get home!  He works less than 5 miles away!!!   But all the damage and downed power lines made him take a crazy route to get home.  He said he was leaving work when it hit.  He said he looked towards our neighborhood and saw black clouds in the sky and a "wall of white".  He couldn't see the road/houses/businesses.

Y'all don't understand...it literally skipped our neighborhood.  2-3 blocks from us in most directions looked like a war zone but our little area just had some branches down, missing shingles, and broken fences...oh and no power.  How...???  It sucks!  Those poor people!!! Its only been three years since the flood and now they are missing roofs because of a f**king tornado!!!

We may not have power till Thursday or Friday...*gulp* that sucks! But ya know what...no power and losing my frozen foods is fine...at least my home, me, and my animals are all good. 

UPDATE - Apparently there were seven tornadoes in the area....SEVEN!!!  What the actual f**k?!!??!?

I'm sorry but who DOES these things?!? Gross, gross...ewwwwwww

I might not be able to pass a "health inspector" test but I do keep my kitchen mostly spotless.  I am not a slob nor am I am neat freak but I do take special precautions when fixing food.

This list prompted this. "19 Gross Kitchen Habits You Probably Definitely Have"

I don't...am I weird for NOT doing these????  I'm gonna list some of them below for ease of reading but you should look at the link.

2. Prepping raw meat, especially poultry, without constantly washing and sanitizing any surface it touches.

Who the f**k touches anything after dealing with raw meat!?!?!?  That's just nasty.  Germs and bacteria aside...do you WANT slimy chicken funk or BLOOD on your counters?!?!!  Wash your f**king hands!

4. Not properly disinfecting or bleaching your cutting board.

Again, why would ANYONE cut raw meat and then use the same board for veggies???  

5. Using a sponge for way too long.

Who uses and keeps sponges?!?!?  Those are just germ factories.  I know it would be expensive but if you must use them, toss them afterwards.  I just don't use them.  After one use they smell funny, even if you rise them well and let them dry out properly. 

7. Forgetting to disinfect the bottom of your kitchen sink — and eating stuff that’s dropped down there.

 What the actual f**k?!?!?!  My sink is spotless and shiny and I wouldn't eat from it! 

8. Wiping your counters down with a dirty sponge or rag.

OMG just no!  Use a Clorox wipe or a spray with a paper towel.  

9. Not sanitizing or replacing your dish brushes often enough.

They are $1 at the Dollar Tree.  You have zero excuses.  If you are that cheap run them through the dishwasher (the brush not the sponge) and be done with it.  

10. Cooking while you’re sick, especially with a stomach bug.

Who even wants to see food much less smell it RAW while sick with a stomach?!!?!?  If you must "cook" for your family while ill, order pizza.  If you have a husband put him to work.  If you absolutely have to cook wear a mask and for god's sake WASH YOUR HANDS! 

14. Letting your cat walk all over the counters where you prepare and eat food.

Bad kitty!  My cats are sprayed with water if they go in the kitchen.  And because I know they can be little $hits when I'm not home, I wipe my counters down before and after I cook.  Its for my own sanity even though I am fairly certain they just sleep all day.  

15. Forgetting to rinse your produce.

Stop being lazy!!!  It takes almost zero time to rise your food off.  Just think about everyone touching the produce at the grocery...and the pre-washed stuff....haven't you seen those pictures of creatures trapped in the bags.  Just don't take a chance and wash it!

 

16. Leaving leftovers in the fridge for too long.

I don't agree with the 5 day rule.  My rule is 1 week-ish.  Leftovers don't usually last that long in my house but if they don't I use the smell and look test.  Its smells okay, cool...no mold, great.  Anything that MIGHT be thinking about developing...nuke it in the microwave...there safe...right.  Longer than a week...I usually just toss for my own sanity.  

17. Using the same old hand towel to dry dishes and your hands.

Gross!  I picked up our hand towel the other day and freaked.  One of us must have wiped food on it.  It smelled like dead animal *gag*.   We don't hand dry most things.  We put them on the drying rack overnight.  If it must be dried right away we grab a fresh towel and then toss it in the wash after or use paper towels.  Yes that can be wasteful but I don't like dying, so yea. 

19. Forgetting to wash your hands the right way. All. The. Time.

Are you f**king kidding me?!?  Come on people!  Soap up and sing happy birthday. I do think constant, OCD type washing is bad.  But you should still do some washing because OTHER people are nasty.  You touch door knobs, light switches, faucet handles, etc it wont kill you to wash-up.  I am not a germ-a-phob but I work with a bunch of disgusting people so I have hand sanitizer on my desk.  I don't like plague...thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I used to dance to this song. My BFF and I did that weird pop/hump air to this song. How did I forget about this song?!?!

This is like a throw back to my early teens.  I mean the song came out in 1993.  I was what...12.  OMG I wasn't even a teen yet!  I was going to sock hops & CYA dances and dancing to this!  CYA Dances!!!!!  That is the CHRISTIAN Youth Association.  How WRONG is that?!?!  I even had a cassette tape of it!!!!  Mom what were you thinking?!?! 

I don't even think I understood the whole reference.  I mean I was 12 so I knew SOMETHING but just, just listen to the lyrics!!! Oh and watch the video.  I am having flashbacks of shaking it like a dog and doing the Fire Hydrant.  Wow...just wow.  That's just wrong wrong wrong.  And we thought we were hot $hit dancing like that.  Good doG!

PLEASE!!!Gemme dat donkey butt and dem big ole legs! Update: on Facebook   #12Gauge  https://www.facebook.com/TwelveMuzik/
Posted by Calvin MrGrind Howard on Friday, October 16, 2015

Its only forearms!!! That's like the least sexual patch of skin, right!?!?

Least sexual...is that proper English...?  Whatever I am a tad delirious.  But what is it about forearms!?!?  Like I don't mean all the time.  But the rolled up shirt sleeves...its like instant panty drop.  Is that just me?  I doubt its just me.  Maybe it's just me.  Maybe my other half needs to get home from work already.  Maybe I should get the sleep.  Seriously though...

Why

is

so

this

freaking

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOT!?!?

 

 

Okay, I am done now...I think...maybe...I just don't understand why that is so appealing.  Like when the hubs does it, I have to restrain myself from jumping him because we are usually heading out...weird, right?  I'm going to have a cold shower and sleep off this randomness...night night.

I'm an unintentional oddball and it's HILARIOUS!!!!

At least for me...and people who find my humor amusing. Okay okay not too oddball-esq unless you get the reference.  And its not even that odd more just I don't always have a filter to stop my weirdness.

I am very cautious about being "weird" at work with persons other than my co-workers whom have known me FOREVER!  But when it comes to telemarketers my brain apparently checks out.

So I got a call from some "hey you won a free trip, all you have to do is buy this BS" companies.  I try not to be rude and just hang up.  Its their job, I have to cut them a little slack.  Well I unconsciously did something and it was, well, soooo stupid *beating head on desk*.

Me: Hello....
Person: Hi, I'm looking for NOLAGurl 
Me: *cautiously* This is NOLAGurl
Person: Hi NOLAGurl, I was calling to let you know you won a trip to sunny Orlando for four.
Me: Um...how?
Person:  You must have signed up for it
Me: *Not recalling ANY contests*  *light bulb* Ya know I don't think I did.
Person:  Well I have your name and number
Me:  Yea but you said my maiden name...a name a haven't used in over 4 years (ha, gotcha!)
Person: Oh...but you won and all you have to do is pay taxes
Me:  I appreciate the call but I am not interested
Person: But its free
Me: What is your definition of free?
Person: *quiet* Well. Here is the website *rattles off web address*...its legit...look it up....if you change your mind you can call me back...
Me: K...what is your name and number?
Person: Jessica *last name*, *phone number*
Me: *scribbling info* Thank you Jessssssiiiicah
Person: Whoa, creepy..You said it kinda like him...
Me: *thinking* Huh....oh...OH... F**K!  *Said* Oh my...*stuttering* I didn't mean to actually say that out loud! *sigh* Sorry... *dying of embarrassment* Wait... *realizing she got the reference*
Person:  No worries, *giggle* it just caught me off guard.  Seriously though at least check it out and call me back with any questions.

Ugh, I am so...just...not normal.  Excuse me while I crawl under my desk...What are the chances of me talking to someone who was probably in a different time zone...possibly a different country who happened to call me, of all people and would get an obscure reference like that.  At least her whole attitude changed from aggressive sales person to "friend".  Anyone else would have just been like "well she's weird...". It was 2 parts hilarious and 1 part embarrassing.  Oh well at least it was funny...ish.  And I obviously didn't scream it like a complete psycho.  Also, my voice is incapable of pitching that low, but you get the idea.  So thank you Jessica for making my day a little less "blah" *muah*. Welp, guess I am obligated to call her back now and listen to the spiel about the "free" trip since I unconsciously imitated a sociopath while talking to her. 

*pow* right in the fandom, I love this goofy idea so much it hurts a little

So I went to Wizard World NOLA this past weekend.  Before the show began I got a Groupon email.

I'm sorry what?!?!? Doctor Who Burlesque, you say.  Who doesn't love a good Burlesque show?!?!?  No really I've been to a few, super neat. Is that weird?  Anyway, burlesque and Who, OMG!

So I opened it.

Does that....does that say Doctor Who-Ha?!!??!  OMG I just shot hot tea out of my nose!  They saw the opportunity and they took it!!!! Oh and look a female Eleven...cute! 

I wanted to know more. *click*

My first thought, "OMG I want to go!".  My second thought, "does that say 'wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey burlesque adventure through space and time'? Scratch that I NEED to go!"

Alas, I realized it was for 9PM...on a Sunday night...in the City not far from Downtown... "Dammit!".  *le sigh*  As much as my little nerdy self would have loved a Who themed sexy dancing thing, there was no way I could justify that.  Ya know work and all.  Stupid adulting getting the way of my fun *grumble, grumble*.  Also, the convention ended at like 6....what would we do for three hours...I mean we could have found something but that would probably cost MONEY...so no.  Not to mention we planned on going EARLY to the Con, mainly bc my photo-op was for 11:30 and because we could do more exploring before the crowd poured in.  After that you just people watch *hehehehe*. 

So we did not go, "boooo".  And it was tempting.  It was advertised the entire time we were in the Con.   I wonder how it was?  Horribly cheesy...I hope so!!!

Its supposed to be 100% horribly wrong, politically incorrect, your ticket to hell...that is the POINT!

Alright, so over the various holidays we've played CAH (Cards Against Humanity) with a few different groups.  And I have to say with 100% certainty it is WASTED on some people.  If a card asks you "Something you do not want to find in your chicken lo mein" and your answers are pork chops (why?!?), menstrual blood, the remains of aborted fetus', pasta with meatballs (seriously WTF?!?!), Bill Clinton playing the saxophone naked (funny-ish), a piano playing Mozart (are you even trying?!?), fingernails.  What would you pick???

While I agree you probably don't want to find any of those in your chicken lo mein, the POINT of CAH is to pick the funniest, most off the wall one. Why would you pick pork chops?!?!?!  Why would someone play pork chops?!?!?!   That isn't funny.  I would have gone with "menstrual blood" or "the remains of aborted fetus'".  I know its up to the person who picked the black card but come on...work with us here.  And yes, I know sometimes you get a $hit set of white cards but TRY. 

Another one was "why can't I sleep at night", I don't remember all the white cards exactly but ... Date Rape, sparkledogs, black people, something about the degradation of the white race, Incest, something about Pac-man, and cum, or The primal ball slapping sex your parents are having right now.  They picked SPARKLEDOGS.  Are you f**king kidding me?!?!!?  There are so many better options!!!!

The ENTIRE game was like that on separate occasions with different groups.  It was like they were SCARED to be offensive.  It is supposed to be OFFENSIVE!!!!  Apparently I don't know many "horrible people".  So everyone got "bored". Of course you got bored.  You have to at least ATTEMPT to make it WRONG.  The game is only as funny/fun as the people playing. 

I tried so hard.  I played the most awful/disgusting/disturbing white cards I could.  Of course I didn't have a "good one" every time but I did try and my card was only ever picked by one of the two or three other players who CLEARLY understood the point was to be WRONG.  Thank God for Menstrual Rage (yay I won one!!!), now filed under things I never thought I would say. 

Don't be an @$$hole, don't be an @$$hole, don't be an...ah crap...

How to make a sarcastic person insane...you don't get the sarcasm.  Ahhhhhh, so frustrating.  I can understand when I say something cryptic...sometimes people don't catch it.  But when it is OBVIOUS I am being silly...oh god I can barely contain the jerk response.  I think my inner goddess is House. 

This all happened on social media (shocking).  I had two people answer my sarcastic "question" within seconds of me posting it...okay fine whatever.  But my BFF rescued me by adding an additional sarcastic comment making my goofiness blatant.  Her comment with my comment made the whole scenario crystal clear, we were being facetious.  I still got three more replies answering my "question".  Newsflash people I knew the answer.  I was making fun of the news outlets that got it WRONG.

It took all of my self control to not post this.

And I am still debating if I should just do it.  Because it has been a few days and I've received MORE replies.  *whoosa whoosa*

There ain't nothing petite about dat @$$

So I am small...but I am not...does that make any sense???  I am an XS/S/0/2 in tops and FLOWY dresses...I am a M/L/4/6 in pants, skirts and fitted dresses.  The problem with the fitted dresses is if I get one that fits my top, my @$$ looks like it's trying to orchestrate a prison break...if I get one that fits my bottom, I look like I left my boobs at home. 

And I am not pear shaped...I do not look like Kim K...you would think that is my shape based on what I just said...but I am not.  It is 100% my butt and that is basically IT! My hips/thighs/waist are still fairly small.  I have a super bubble butt.  (*superman theme playing* It flies off at night while I am sleeping to rid the world of mermaid dresses and -4 size pants. *he he he*) I literally have to buy things to fit my bootay which means the waist and thighs are usually baggy.   To say I have a badonkadonk is misleading, I have a "dayum" but only from the side.  From the front I look almost petite, from the back you can see dat @$$ but its camouflaged.  From the side it is *BAM*. 

I went shopping recently and one of my sisters from another mister argued with me about my "size" in clothing.

F: OMG try on this dress!
M: Sweetie that is petite
F: You ARE petite
M: No, I'm really not
F: Try on the f**king dress
M: *sigh* fine

***ten minutes later***

M: Haaaaalp!  Can some one help me out of this, I think I am stuck
F: Oooooh, yea there ain't nothing petite about dat @$$
M: *grumbles* Yes, I know...

But I digress...I really feel like it talks to people.  It's like "Heeey boo, yea you like that *jiggle, jiggle*" and I am oblivious until I hear someone suck their teeth and say "Heeeey gurl, *mmmm*".  WTF?!? Bad butt, stop that!  *turns around in circle fussing* And I am not wearing revealing clothes (not that it would make that kind of response more acceptable)...it's just everything fits my @$$ like a f**king glove.  Jogging pants (you know the tight legging things)...good GOD!  Most of my shirts hang just below the butt BUT when  you are running they ride up a bit giving everyone behind me an unobstructed view of my jiggly bits (on me its the butt...the boobs don't really move much...). 

I'm starting to develop a complex.  Oh well, at least its firm-ish. 

How does one acquire a ghost????

I mean I know there are hauntings brought on by history, sudden death, and playing with Ouija boards but do they sometimes randomly occur.  Like does a ghost go floating down the street and say "Hey, that looks like a fun house to scare the $hit out of the young lady living there"???

Why do I ask?  Well, because Halloween night (shut it, I know its cliche but its what happened) things, uh, happened and I was home...ALONE.   

So I was sitting in the dark watching "Halloween " (I know, I know more cliche) trying to ignore the thunderstorm outside, when I heard some scuffling from the back bedroom.  I figured it was a cat using the litter pan.  Until I realized both felines were happily perched behind me on the couch.  "Ah, must be a bad dog...", and they are both by my feet staring at the hallway.  $hit!  So I crept down the hall with two anxious dogs, a metal thermos full of water, and a scissors (they were the only weapons I had at my fingertips).

Upon investigation my house was secure and completely free of intruders & rodents (I hope).  THe noise had stopped.  So we went back to watching scary movies (not my best idea).

A while later I heard a loud crash from the same back area *high pitched scream*, oh that was me, ha...ha...ha.  Sounded like something fell.  The dogs are going ape $hit.  Dammit cats! *turns around* both cats are staring at the hallway.  OMG, I need an adult...wait I am an adult....I need an older adult *wah*.

Another investigation revealed my lamp on the floor.  "Alright Casper, knock it off!".  I found nothing else amiss and the windows and doors were still secured.

Sometime later watching "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" live performance on BBC America and I hear a loud static/blaring noise from the back.  Okay THAT is not a feline or a canine.  WTF is that?!?!  I sent convict to investigate (what?!), as I followed I saw the glow of the TV in my bedroom *so this it how it ends*.  My discovery was the TV in my room on but the image was stuck because my cable company sucks and sent me shoddy equipment.  Meaning it was making this awful noise while displaying a frozen image of Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street (I was watching that earlier in the day while I cleaned).  Are you f**king kidding me?!?!  It couldn't get stuck on a f**king commercial.  No, of course not!

 *turns off TV* *hides remote in drawer* *unplugs cable box*

Nothing else happened but I sure as $hit didn't want to go sleep in my room!  I did eventually...like at 2AM...and I left the TV on because I am an adult...and I made the animals snuggle with me...because I am in fact an adult.

My logical side says the scuffling I heard was bushes and trees blowing in the wind and hitting the house/windows.  I mean that COULD sound like it was coming from inside *manic giggles*

The lamp falling was a freak thing...it was on the edge and just slipped when the thunder crashed *wringing hands*

The TV thing was...I mean CLEARLY we had a power surge and it flipped on...right....RIGHT?!!?! *nervous laughter*


In conclusion I need to stop watching "My Haunted House" because it is OBVIOUSLY fueling my already over active imagination!!!!!!

OMG people calm down!!! It isn't the end of the world, well it might be on Saturday...

Okay, like I said before I get REALLY angry when local governments/neighborhoods get together and decide to move Trick or Treating to the Satruday before Halloween because it's on a Tuesday or whatever.  I think that is dumb and it makes me want to go all Michael Myers on them. 

But this time I have to kind of agree with the parishes, its a safety thing.

You see we are supposed to have 100% chance of rain Saturday night.  Not just rain, but thunderstorms and heavy downfall.  And while there was many a year where I Trick or Treated in the rain and cold we NEVER ventured out in severe weather.   It didn't happen often but I can remember a couple times where I didn't get to go Trick or Treating so I still dressed up, mom made popcorn, and we watched scary movies.  Was I happy about it?  Of course not I was a kid but what else were we going to do? 

With that said starting yesterday many of the parishes in S.E. Louisiana began saying they were moving Halloween to Friday.  And people are LOSING THEIR $HIT!  I get it, I do but they aren't moving Halloween, they are moving Trick or Treating.  And as much as I hate to say it, it makes sense.  But it was a poor choice of words news stations. 

Look, the weather is supposed to be INSANE in the area.  It is an outdoor holiday and they are thinking about safety first.   Also, as the Sheriff of one of the parishes said families spend a bit of money on Halloween.  They buy costumes and candy and decorations.  It would be a shame to let it all go to waste because of the weather.  It.makes.sense. 

So people calm the f**k down!  You can still "celebrate" Halloween.  Try to be positive!  Think of it as getting TWO evenings of Halloween fun, instead of just one.  Friday you do the Trick or Treating thing and Saturday you sit home watching scary movies in the crazy weather.  Its a win win people!

Wait, isn't that how many scary movies begin?  A girl all alone watching TV while the wind howls and the rain pounds the roof.  Suddenly the lights go out, the dogs starts growling and *dun dun dun*, I dunno you fill in the rest.   

Crap...I'm going to be home alone...great I just scared myself. 

OMG he IS a Disney Prince

WTF man?!?!  I hate adorable people.  And by hate, I mean I adore them and wish to be their friend.  So I've seen on the internet where this particular celebrity is said to be a "real life Disney prince" and while I can see it by looks, I've never really watched interviews or anything like that with him.

Last night I watch one and seriously, ADORABLE!.  Is it weird to call a 30+ year old adorable?  I mean he is literally like two months older than me, almost to the day.  Well toooooooo bad because that is the only word I see befitting.  If you haven't guessed this person is Tom Hiddleston and the interview I watched was the Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

Anyways, I think I died laughing at one point...or at least stopped breathing properly because I was giggling....same thing.  Trevor said something about how Mr. Cumberbatch's fans call themselves "Cumberb**ches" *giggle* and that Mr. Hiddleston's fans call themselves "Hiddlestoners" *whaaaaaa*.  I've not heard that one.  So Tom says something about that being rather violent and I'm like "I've never met a violent STONER, what are you talking about!??!?!"  Apparently Trevor felt the same way.  And our wanna be Prince explained he thought of "stoning" like the ancient way you show you disapprove of and want to punish someone...by throwing STONES.  *baaaaahahahahahahahaha* *snort*.

The host said he was thinking more like *imitates smoking a joint* and then we get the famous Hiddle-giggle.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh stop being adorkable!!!  Who thinks of being "stoned" as the ancient punishment!?!?!?  I am not a stoner and my first thought was toking it up.

Dawwwwww, that's so adorable, stahp!  Anyways there was this whole "he plays Loki" thing at the beginning and the crowd cheered.  Trevor is like no he's the bad guy! And his guest is like "well he is misunderstood" *ahhhhhh, hehehe*.  Then there is discussion about Crimson Peak (eeeeeeee, can't wait, I love scary movies!!!) and good lord he speaks so proper...I am so used to bastardized American Speak...what sorcery is this?!?  And I wasn't sure about him playing Hank Williams but his "Southern" accent was actually adorable or maybe I am blinded by his politeness....  How many times can I call a grown man adorable before it is weird???  He did drop one not quite as proper remark.  I don't remember the context but it was something about "getting high on that $hit *bleep*" which made me giggle again. 

So yea, I totally fangirled through the whole interview.  Anyone else do the same?  No...just me...well *plfeet*!

Physics, eh? Physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physcis. Physics!

What is physics?  It is the branch of science concerned with the nature and properties of matter and energy.

So there is this whole "thing" where we say two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time.  It is a relatively simple concept.  If two bodies (solid objects) tried to occupy the same physical space, the forces which control the sub-atomic spacing of the elements would immediately and catastrophically force the occupied space into the VOLUME required for both objects, essentially an explosion.

So in really simple terms if my vehicle is in the the left lane and your vehicle is in the right lane and you try to come over INTO the left lane where my car is located BAD THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN!  And turning on your BLINKER doesn't just "fix" it.   It actually does NOTHING to warn me if you are so close to me that I can't see the f**king thing in the first place.  Ahhhh I hate driving!!!

Side Note - I was looking for the above gif and I found one that is "cut" weird and it is wrong on so many levels.....or I have an extremely sick mind......I am thinking a combo of the two. 

What is happening here!?!?!?!  I like physics and all but...  And isn't he in a school here...of CHILDREN...its so suggestive...its so many levels of wrong Wrong Wroooong WRONG.  And I am laughing hysterically because OMG that isn't right. 

No one better ever say "you don't understand, you don't have kids" to me again!

Because let me learn you something.  You see pets are similar to kids.  Actually they are kids, just with fur.  They can't tell you whats wrong and then they vomit in your lap.  And you can't do anything to comfort them, just clean up...take them to the vet if necessary and hope they get better. 

We had another "Oh my God what is that?!?!!?" starting at 5AM yesterday and it got more and more insane from that point forward.  We were awakened by convict getting sick (dogs vomit, not concerning)...and Speedy promptly trying to help him clean it, "Ahhhhh *gag* stop stop stop stop stop!!!!".  Then maybe two hours later both yacked up "stuff"  in the yard.  Eventually both were fine, they ate breakfast, still seemed fine.  We left. 

We returned (gone maybe 4 hours).  I opened the side door, turned around and looked at the hubs and said "something...um, something is wrong...it smells REALLY bad in here".  We walked into the living area trying to breathe as shallow as possible...only to find Convict...still in his kennel...no pan...in the foyer (which is at least 20 feet out of the office and around a corner)...surrounded by $hit & vomit.  "If I wasn't so grossed out, I'd be impressed".  We let him out, only to realize he had somehow MANGLED the door to the kennel, WTF?!?  He bent the wires!!!!

As we set to the task of cleaning the 2nd $hitstorm of 2015 we marveled at how he did what he did.  There were minimal marks on the walls, he had almost no excrement on him, and aside from being grossed out seemed fine.  As the night progressed we realized he was not fine and we took him to the vet.  An emergency vet visit and a bunch of fluids later and he looked like he was gonna be okay but we weren't getting to bed before midnight. 

Fast forward to 3AM, I slowly woke up from the strangest dream.  I was stuck in a maze and if I took a wrong turn it got stinky, but if I took a correct turn it smelled better.  The further I got into the maze the less not stinky it got.  I opened my eyes and gagged!  I don't have a bad gag reflex but this was PUTRID.  I saw speedy attacking his butt, some string or something was poking out.  He was having an issue...I got up to turn on the light and slipped, "OMG ahhhhhhhhh".  He had explosive...you know...and it was everywhere.  We got a towel and helped him...then set to the task of cleaning and mopping the floor...did I mention it was 3AM?!!??!  Then convict threw up water and I realized we forgot to pick up the dishes and he wasn't supposed to have ANYTHING till morning, "well $hit!".  From then on, every 30 minutes or so one of them woke us up.  At 6AM the rest of whatever was in Speedy's @$$ came out and he promptly ran around the house excited and barking...clearly he was going to be A-OK *fingers crossed*. 

It is now 10AM, I am running on maybe 2 hours of sleep, MAYBE.  Speedy still good...Convict not feeling well at all.  He's old...we are worried. 

Moral of the story, just like kids, Dogs will put ANYTHING in their mouths, REGARDLESS of age.  I watch them very closely but even my watchful eye missed something.   It is clear to me they got into SOMETHING!  We just can't figure out what (hopefully one of our @$$hole neighbors didn't do anything stupid).  Second moral of the story, I am their momma.  So I am home with them because 1) I work for an amazing company that lets me work from home and 2) I couldn't leave them...they seemed so sad!

So now I am sitting here working...watching...comforting as much as I can....while the rancid smell burned into my nostrils makes me nauseous.  Seriously, we scrubbed every inch of floor and lower walls in our house and it still smells like a Pot-O-Gold up in this b**ch! So don't tell me I don't understand because I don't have kids!  I understand...it sucks...you feel helpless and guilty and hurt for them.  If I feel like this with my pups, me+sick child could be interesting. 

Is this a thing?!?! Why is this a thing?!?! Who needs rainbow eyeliner?!?! Wait, I need that but I won't do this....

You know in grammar school when they tell you not to eat glue and/or crayons...it is because those things, while nontoxic, were not meant for continuous human consumption.  Right...RIGHT!?!?!

So I would assume the same applies to things like not using Colored Pencils as eyeliner.  You know because although they are nontoxic, they also aren't up to code with the makeup code enforcer peeps standards for cosmetics. 

With that said...why is this a thing?!?!  Made so popular by YouTube makeup hackers that Crayola had to issue a statement about why its a bad idea.  I just can't understand.  I don't think I would ever be like "Hey, I really like this shade of pencil, let me put it on my lash line." 

This is the article from Cosmo. As B97 said..."Who needs to be told this?????"


Makeup goes through a fairly rigorous trial before being released to the public.  Things are added to it to prevent bacteria from growing on it and it is made so that it WON'T irritate most skin types.  So why would you think that something, albeit nontoxic, that isn't meant for skin use be okay to be used as makeup...?  That might not make sense, I am flabbergasted and having issues forming proper sentences. 

Seriously though, what's next?!?  "Hey don't want to spend $8 on a new liquid eyeliner, just use a Sharpie, I mean it's nontoxic so it's safe...right?"  And I mean you know it will last, how long does it take you to scrub sharpie off your hands? Don't mind that weird smell that makes your eyes burn, that is normal.  I just...wow!

Also, Wet n Wild, NYC, Nyx...those are cheap enough ($0.99, $2)  MAKEUP brands that are sold at most Drugstores and have a plethora of colors available!

My favorite quote from the article, "It's like how you can eat a jalapeño pepper, but you wouldn't want to put it in your eye." ~ Dr. Mark Jacquot, O.D., clinical director at LensCrafters

At least most of B97's followers agree with us...bad idea!