Because let me learn you something. You see pets are similar to kids. Actually they are kids, just with fur. They can't tell you whats wrong and then they vomit in your lap. And you can't do anything to comfort them, just clean up...take them to the vet if necessary and hope they get better.
We had another "Oh my God what is that?!?!!?" starting at 5AM yesterday and it got more and more insane from that point forward. We were awakened by convict getting sick (dogs vomit, not concerning)...and Speedy promptly trying to help him clean it, "Ahhhhh *gag* stop stop stop stop stop!!!!". Then maybe two hours later both yacked up "stuff" in the yard. Eventually both were fine, they ate breakfast, still seemed fine. We left.
We returned (gone maybe 4 hours). I opened the side door, turned around and looked at the hubs and said "something...um, something is wrong...it smells REALLY bad in here". We walked into the living area trying to breathe as shallow as possible...only to find Convict...still in his kennel...no pan...in the foyer (which is at least 20 feet out of the office and around a corner)...surrounded by $hit & vomit. "If I wasn't so grossed out, I'd be impressed". We let him out, only to realize he had somehow MANGLED the door to the kennel, WTF?!? He bent the wires!!!!
As we set to the task of cleaning the 2nd $hitstorm of 2015 we marveled at how he did what he did. There were minimal marks on the walls, he had almost no excrement on him, and aside from being grossed out seemed fine. As the night progressed we realized he was not fine and we took him to the vet. An emergency vet visit and a bunch of fluids later and he looked like he was gonna be okay but we weren't getting to bed before midnight.
Fast forward to 3AM, I slowly woke up from the strangest dream. I was stuck in a maze and if I took a wrong turn it got stinky, but if I took a correct turn it smelled better. The further I got into the maze the less not stinky it got. I opened my eyes and gagged! I don't have a bad gag reflex but this was PUTRID. I saw speedy attacking his butt, some string or something was poking out. He was having an issue...I got up to turn on the light and slipped, "OMG ahhhhhhhhh". He had explosive...you know...and it was everywhere. We got a towel and helped him...then set to the task of cleaning and mopping the floor...did I mention it was 3AM?!!??! Then convict threw up water and I realized we forgot to pick up the dishes and he wasn't supposed to have ANYTHING till morning, "well $hit!". From then on, every 30 minutes or so one of them woke us up. At 6AM the rest of whatever was in Speedy's @$$ came out and he promptly ran around the house excited and barking...clearly he was going to be A-OK *fingers crossed*.
It is now 10AM, I am running on maybe 2 hours of sleep, MAYBE. Speedy still good...Convict not feeling well at all. He's old...we are worried.
Moral of the story, just like kids, Dogs will put ANYTHING in their mouths, REGARDLESS of age. I watch them very closely but even my watchful eye missed something. It is clear to me they got into SOMETHING! We just can't figure out what (hopefully one of our @$$hole neighbors didn't do anything stupid). Second moral of the story, I am their momma. So I am home with them because 1) I work for an amazing company that lets me work from home and 2) I couldn't leave them...they seemed so sad!
So now I am sitting here working...watching...comforting as much as I can....while the rancid smell burned into my nostrils makes me nauseous. Seriously, we scrubbed every inch of floor and lower walls in our house and it still smells like a Pot-O-Gold up in this b**ch! So don't tell me I don't understand because I don't have kids! I understand...it sucks...you feel helpless and guilty and hurt for them. If I feel like this with my pups, me+sick child could be interesting.
Showing posts with label Worst Morning Ever. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Worst Morning Ever. Show all posts
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
So I think the apocolypse started...
I mean we've had crazy weather before but recent storms took the cake! I am semi okay with bad weather like a Hurricane because we have time to prep (I don't like them but I can mentally ready myself for the possible aftermath) but when its sudden, it is so much more terrifying!!! There was a memorial service for someone I know very well. All hell broke loose while in said service. Can I just say the lights going out during one of these is a bit unsettling...and I've read we weren't the only ones that had this lovely experience...INSANITY!
So the day started okay. Get ready, drive into town. We knew some nastiness was headed our way but we apparently didn't know HOW bad it would be. As we pulled up to the church there was a slight drizzle starting..."oh shoot, lets get inside". . . it went downhill quickly from there. As we were talking to our family and friends I felt our phones buzzing like crazy. We went to the restroom and realized our family that is a bit north and west of where we were was freaking out. Apparently a tornado touched down in that city and chaos ensued. Schools were pulling kids into hallways, offices were locking the doors and "hunkering down", there was hail and power was out all over. "Oh $hit!" We told them where we were and they basically said "stay put, it is BAD!"
As we made our way back to the others we were discussing how insane that is. We were telling one of our peeps what was going on when our phones started buzzing again. WTH!?!? It was our "parish" emergency response system. "Seek shelter immediately. Possible Tornado. Strong winds. Hail." Oh no, our poor dogs!!! So I texted my neighbor to see if he was home. He wasn't but he said his house alarm went off ...something about his garage door. He asked our other neighbor that was home to check on our houses. His response "I will once the weather passes. There are straight-line winds, sideways rain, I'm in the bathtub. It looks like a white out and like it is midnight." (it was 10AM) At this point WE are starting to get nervous. People are running into the church soaked and windblown. It is beginning to get nasty by us too. Very quickly the windows darkened. It wasn't like "hey it is cloudy out" it was more like "hey, who turned out the lights." (count the shadows) You could hear the wind picking up and rain pelting the church. We are telling some peeps at the service what was happening in our hood when "BANG" a loud, almost explosion and the lights went out. "F**k!" (no one said it but we were all thinking it). Then the generator kicked on. . .but you see it only powers SOME of the lights. Like enough to see so it was still a little dark. There was a lot of nervous laughter and talking. People were still making their way to the service (soaked) while the priest was lighting candles.
As we were about to start, whispering amongst the attendees is increasing and more phones are buzzing. Apparently it was now flooding outside. People were scrambling trying to get to their cars BEFORE water gets in them and others are calling to say they can't get to the church because of high waters and wind. *memories of our flood flashing in my head* Finally we begin. The wind is steadily howling, debris (not just rain) is slamming into the church. And then pretty much every phone in the place went off (Emergency Response System does NOT follow the phone on silent rule...it overrides it). Well that was a terrifying "seek shelter" message..."F**k!" again thought NOT said aloud. Dead silence, we start the service again and then *bang, bang, bang*. Doors are flying open. Not all but more than one. We are talking HEAVY wooden and steal doors being BLOWN open. *jfc, okay lets just ignore it* So we all just sang and prayed and remembered (distraction was helpful). By the time we left the worst of it was over. But the evidence of what went through was ever present. Power lines down, tree limbs all over, trash cans everywhere, trees snapped in half, so much DEBRIS...it looked like a weather war zone.
When we finally got home it was to terrified animals BUT our house was okay. Lots of debris and only a partial tree down in the yard (whew). Apparently winds were clocked at around 60-70MPH near mi casa and over a 100MPH not far from where we were. Are you kidding me!?!?!?
The ONLY times that happens down here is during a hurricane...at least that used to be the case but lately (like in the last 3 years) this is more common. We don't get tornadoes...that only happens in the Midwest. . . RIGHT?!!?!? Yea WRONG. A while back I was awakened by our ERS going off at 4AM right as the SIRENS went off. "Good morning, WTF!?!?" The sky is falling chicken little...no really...seriously GTFI (Get the F**k In)...this is NOT a drill. Maybe I need a sign that says "the end is near". Who wants to build an Ark/Sky boat?
So the day started okay. Get ready, drive into town. We knew some nastiness was headed our way but we apparently didn't know HOW bad it would be. As we pulled up to the church there was a slight drizzle starting..."oh shoot, lets get inside". . . it went downhill quickly from there. As we were talking to our family and friends I felt our phones buzzing like crazy. We went to the restroom and realized our family that is a bit north and west of where we were was freaking out. Apparently a tornado touched down in that city and chaos ensued. Schools were pulling kids into hallways, offices were locking the doors and "hunkering down", there was hail and power was out all over. "Oh $hit!" We told them where we were and they basically said "stay put, it is BAD!"
As we made our way back to the others we were discussing how insane that is. We were telling one of our peeps what was going on when our phones started buzzing again. WTH!?!? It was our "parish" emergency response system. "Seek shelter immediately. Possible Tornado. Strong winds. Hail." Oh no, our poor dogs!!! So I texted my neighbor to see if he was home. He wasn't but he said his house alarm went off ...something about his garage door. He asked our other neighbor that was home to check on our houses. His response "I will once the weather passes. There are straight-line winds, sideways rain, I'm in the bathtub. It looks like a white out and like it is midnight." (it was 10AM) At this point WE are starting to get nervous. People are running into the church soaked and windblown. It is beginning to get nasty by us too. Very quickly the windows darkened. It wasn't like "hey it is cloudy out" it was more like "hey, who turned out the lights." (count the shadows) You could hear the wind picking up and rain pelting the church. We are telling some peeps at the service what was happening in our hood when "BANG" a loud, almost explosion and the lights went out. "F**k!" (no one said it but we were all thinking it). Then the generator kicked on. . .but you see it only powers SOME of the lights. Like enough to see so it was still a little dark. There was a lot of nervous laughter and talking. People were still making their way to the service (soaked) while the priest was lighting candles.
As we were about to start, whispering amongst the attendees is increasing and more phones are buzzing. Apparently it was now flooding outside. People were scrambling trying to get to their cars BEFORE water gets in them and others are calling to say they can't get to the church because of high waters and wind. *memories of our flood flashing in my head* Finally we begin. The wind is steadily howling, debris (not just rain) is slamming into the church. And then pretty much every phone in the place went off (Emergency Response System does NOT follow the phone on silent rule...it overrides it). Well that was a terrifying "seek shelter" message..."F**k!" again thought NOT said aloud. Dead silence, we start the service again and then *bang, bang, bang*. Doors are flying open. Not all but more than one. We are talking HEAVY wooden and steal doors being BLOWN open. *jfc, okay lets just ignore it* So we all just sang and prayed and remembered (distraction was helpful). By the time we left the worst of it was over. But the evidence of what went through was ever present. Power lines down, tree limbs all over, trash cans everywhere, trees snapped in half, so much DEBRIS...it looked like a weather war zone.
When we finally got home it was to terrified animals BUT our house was okay. Lots of debris and only a partial tree down in the yard (whew). Apparently winds were clocked at around 60-70MPH near mi casa and over a 100MPH not far from where we were. Are you kidding me!?!?!?
The ONLY times that happens down here is during a hurricane...at least that used to be the case but lately (like in the last 3 years) this is more common. We don't get tornadoes...that only happens in the Midwest. . . RIGHT?!!?!? Yea WRONG. A while back I was awakened by our ERS going off at 4AM right as the SIRENS went off. "Good morning, WTF!?!?" The sky is falling chicken little...no really...seriously GTFI (Get the F**k In)...this is NOT a drill. Maybe I need a sign that says "the end is near". Who wants to build an Ark/Sky boat?
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Jesus take the wheel!
White knuckle driving doesn't even begin to describe my drive into work today. I should have worked remote but it looked like it was clearing up so I drove in. . .BIG MISTAKE!
"Oh my god stop tailing me!"
"How are you driving that fast in this?!?!"
"How can you see the freaking road!"
"Holy $hit! At least put your flashers on if you are going to go that slow."
"yes, ol girl I know we are skidding!"
*ding ding ding* "Then f**king slow down!"
"Don't tell me how to drive!"
*ding ding ding* "b**ch!"
Aside from the sheets of rain, the f**king angels were playing with strobe lights. I swear a rave was going on in the sky. *techno music playing* Once it struck the tree line next to me I decided the angels are on a bad trip and I REALLY should have just stayed home! #angelsared**ks
It got even better as I got closer to my exit and traffic came to a standstill. I mean who doesn't just LOVE sitting on the interstate in basically a hurricane while emergency vehicles blow past on the shoulder making your car have a seizure. Hmmm, I wonder if the person in the wreck was going 90MPH...
Friday, September 26, 2014
Worst Morning EVER!
So not only am I dying of some unknown upper respiratory something or another but I stepped in a great big ol' pile of cah cah today, quite literally.
So apparently I have a "cold" but I feel like I've been run over by the biggest bus ever and I look like death so obviously I have some undocumented mutated strain of who knows what (thank you co-workers for ALWAYS coming in sick and touching my stuff). So I feel like a$$, look like a$$, been working 14 hour days and have had countless meetings for the past two weeks, on top of regular day to day crap. This morning was the proverbial straw...I almost burst into tears.
I snoozed my alarm who knows how many times today. My brain feels like its about to drip out of my ear. My eyes feel like they are going to pop out of my face. I can't smell anything and I have a little cough. BUT I can't call in sick because well I just can't. Normally I would but there is just no way at this moment in time so I will go in and try not to come in contact with anyone (and use a hell of a lot of Germ-X). Anyway, I dragged myself out of bed, shuffled over to the bathroom in the dark, stepped into the doorway and then freaked the F**K out!
There is nothing worse then stepping BAREFOOT into an unknown substance in the dark, especially when said unknown substance oozes in between your toes. I screamed as loud as my raspy voice would allow, flicked on the light and started whining. Swear to God I sounded like a toddler about to throw one hell of a tantrum. It looked like my septic tank exploded! Except we don't have a septic tank and it did NOT explode but one of my animals did. There was s**t and vomit everywhere. I seriously was about to just cry. I had diarrhea between my toes, I was running 20 minutes behind schedule, and I am sick. Because I am sick my nose did not WARN me of what I was about to step in. To top it off, whomever unloaded themselves all over my floor and rugs also tap danced in it. I had shitty paw prints all over the place and splatters up the wall. FML!!!! My husband is looking at me from the bed going "I knew I smelled something", OMG really?!?! Then he just stayed there. Until I was like "UM HELP" as I stood with my foot in the tub trying to burn off the first few layers of skin. He went get supplies and we started the cleaning the $hitstorm of 2014.
One roll of paper towels and half a bottle of spic and span later we had a clean floor. I threw out one of the rugs, there was just no saving it. The other looked fine but we washed it anyway *shudder*. Then I realized that someone was trying to warn me. I had a black kitten attacking me this morning. She even went under the covers and bit my back! She was smacking me in the face, pulling my hair, meowing...basically being a royal pain in the a$$. I kept smacking her away, "*swat* OMG cat go away, mommy is tired!" Now I know...oh do I know! She was like "hey lady!!!!! Lady!!!! Something BAD BAD happened in that white room that makes the noise that scares me. LADY!!!!!!!!!!!".
So in case you were thinking you are having a bad day, just remember at least you didn't have to clean diarrhea from between your toes this A.M.
So apparently I have a "cold" but I feel like I've been run over by the biggest bus ever and I look like death so obviously I have some undocumented mutated strain of who knows what (thank you co-workers for ALWAYS coming in sick and touching my stuff). So I feel like a$$, look like a$$, been working 14 hour days and have had countless meetings for the past two weeks, on top of regular day to day crap. This morning was the proverbial straw...I almost burst into tears.
I snoozed my alarm who knows how many times today. My brain feels like its about to drip out of my ear. My eyes feel like they are going to pop out of my face. I can't smell anything and I have a little cough. BUT I can't call in sick because well I just can't. Normally I would but there is just no way at this moment in time so I will go in and try not to come in contact with anyone (and use a hell of a lot of Germ-X). Anyway, I dragged myself out of bed, shuffled over to the bathroom in the dark, stepped into the doorway and then freaked the F**K out!
There is nothing worse then stepping BAREFOOT into an unknown substance in the dark, especially when said unknown substance oozes in between your toes. I screamed as loud as my raspy voice would allow, flicked on the light and started whining. Swear to God I sounded like a toddler about to throw one hell of a tantrum. It looked like my septic tank exploded! Except we don't have a septic tank and it did NOT explode but one of my animals did. There was s**t and vomit everywhere. I seriously was about to just cry. I had diarrhea between my toes, I was running 20 minutes behind schedule, and I am sick. Because I am sick my nose did not WARN me of what I was about to step in. To top it off, whomever unloaded themselves all over my floor and rugs also tap danced in it. I had shitty paw prints all over the place and splatters up the wall. FML!!!! My husband is looking at me from the bed going "I knew I smelled something", OMG really?!?! Then he just stayed there. Until I was like "UM HELP" as I stood with my foot in the tub trying to burn off the first few layers of skin. He went get supplies and we started the cleaning the $hitstorm of 2014.
One roll of paper towels and half a bottle of spic and span later we had a clean floor. I threw out one of the rugs, there was just no saving it. The other looked fine but we washed it anyway *shudder*. Then I realized that someone was trying to warn me. I had a black kitten attacking me this morning. She even went under the covers and bit my back! She was smacking me in the face, pulling my hair, meowing...basically being a royal pain in the a$$. I kept smacking her away, "*swat* OMG cat go away, mommy is tired!" Now I know...oh do I know! She was like "hey lady!!!!! Lady!!!! Something BAD BAD happened in that white room that makes the noise that scares me. LADY!!!!!!!!!!!".
So in case you were thinking you are having a bad day, just remember at least you didn't have to clean diarrhea from between your toes this A.M.
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