That's not your job!!!

So I had another weirdly vivid dream.  

What I remember.  I was working on a base(?).  Things weren't good.  Something had happened and society was a $hittier show. I was in army camo stuff and I had on one of those hats... like this. 

I was in charge of peace.  Basically playing mediator because people suck and don't know how to act human.  But I was also doing like 10 other jobs.  My work partner (a guy) kept yelling at me to stop.  He would loud cap me in front of others about things I shouldn't be doing.  We were equals and I kinda knew him I think.  Like in the dream I knew we were friends before whatever happened.  But now that we were here we fought A LOT.   Like I wasn't even sure we were friends anymore because he was so mean to me all the time.

I hated it because I didn't understand why my partner/friend was being like this towards me.  Why he felt the need to do any of this. 

Since I was a peacekeeper I usually didn't say anything back just rolled my eyes.  After a harrowing day...I think I broke up a fight and helped someone sign up for food rations (?)...he loud capped me about how the food rations weren't my responsibility.   

I had HAD it. I fired back at him saying something along the lines of "they needed help. what was I supposed to do just ignore them?!?!  Tell them to go queue over there and hope @$$hat #10 who didn't help before helps them this time????  These people are scared and hungry what the f**k do you want from me!??!!?" and I stormed out of the room. 

I was in a bathroom...I think.  I was leaning on a counter trying not to have an anxiety attack.  The lighting was very...sterile if that makes sense.  Anyways I was trying to breathe when I felt someone come up behind me.  I was about to whirl around to fight when they grabbed me by the waist, pinning my back to their front, and leaned in next to my ear.  His cheek rubbed against mine.  His skin...the stubble...it felt strangely familiar.  

"I only do this to protect you.  We all have jobs and responsibilities and more than half of what you do isn't your job.  I am trying to protect you.  Please, try to understand, it's because I care.  I care so much but no one can know how much."

I broke, started crying, and said "I thought you hated me".  He held me super tight and nuzzled into my neck apologizing over and over. 

It jumps ahead, we still fight a lot.  I've become closer with some of the others (men & women).  We bond over all the crap we get from my partner.  We are all outside...a bunch of other soldiers (?) on a mission (?).  It's storming because I think we f**ked up the Earth so much she doesn't know what to do anymore.  We needed to get across the base.  But it's like...borderline monsoon...heavy heavy rain.  

I'm like f**k it and take off running.  Everyone seems to follow.  Someone grabs my hand and is running next to me.  It's my partner.  He has my hand in a vice grip but not painful.  We are running and I yelled "I thought people couldn't know you cared?".  He didn't say anything.  We could barely see a foot in front of us, navigating by memory but we could hear other boots splashing around us.  

We slowed slightly and the boots passed us I think.  He suddenly stops and turns me towards him. He practically yells (because of the storm) "I don't care what they think. I'm tired of us not being us.  I'm tired of you looking hurt because of me.  I'm tired of missing you.  I'm tired of being jealous of the time they get with you. I'm tired of pretending you aren't my world".

**record scratch**

WHAT?!?!  I couldn't see his face.  Just the shadow from his hat and the rain pouring around us. Me being me...who cracks jokes when I am nervous or uncomfortable said "Why do I feel like you are going to kiss me in the rain now?" (nervous laugh).

He said "Would you like that?" and kissed me, like REALLY KISSED ME. Everything was spinning.  I was dizzy, confused, cold, scared but I was safe in his arms. I heard whooping & whistling from somewhere in the distance....that's when I realized the rain had stopped and we had an audience.  He leaned into my ear and whispered "I love you". 

I think I need to lay off the Enemies to Lovers books!!!!!!!!

The world is a dumpster fire...I mean Vampire...no I mean dumpster fire

And no place more like home *face palm*.

Innocent man killed by a cop.  Hold up...not just killed.  I mean, he was straight up murdered.  I know some people may not like to hear that but f**k... y'all it was bad...REALLY REALLY BAD.  Like Jesus H Christ, its 2020 right?!?  Why is this still happening?!??!  Have we not evolved enough to f**king NOT do this?  I know one bad egg but there have been quite a few bad eggs and now I'm worried about my cop friends that are legitimately good people....

Now the world is protesting because...are we not all HUMAN?!?!  Come on!  This is not acceptable, and it needs to stop (the killing & racism, not the protests). 

So tick another box off for Apocalyspe BINGO. 

So these protests I get and support, but holy $hit now I'm scared "Corona 2 - The Resurgence" is coming to a city near you in upcoming weeks.

Top that with a f**king Tropical Storm headed straight for LA and I mean June is starting off great...JUST GREAT!  So Cristobal decided it wanted to make history and be the earliest 3rd named storm on record so "yay, good for you". Its not a Katrina or Harvey but it looks to dump 10+ inches of rain on us, so I guess that's the flooding part of the Apocalypse. 

Now I see there is a football field sized "near Earth" asteroid floating around out there.  And while I know these are always out there, its 2020.  She'll probably just kick us while we are down and send a life ending rock hurdling into the Earth.  Except it won't end life just make it THAT much more f**ked up *ahhhhhhhh*.

Its cool, I mean we are already in June...OMG its only June....I feel like I've lived 10 years in 6 months...

Crap I almost forgot about the cannibal rats...because that doesn't sound terrifying....

Who clicked on a suspicious link? 
Did someone install Limewire???? 
Who dug up an old burial ground? 
One word, Jumanji! 
Clearly, the Earth's free trial of McAffe has expired, Good Luck and Godspeed. 

Time to go old school.

So we all died in 2012 and this is the final test before going up or down....right?!

2019 was...difficult for many.  Most were all happy it was coming to an end.  Thinking 2020 would be a great new start was naive at best.

Like 3 days into the new year we almost had WWIII.  I mean obviously a lot more needed to happen but the pissing contest and just general idiocy had most of us believing we were all going to die in the fiery fall out of a nuclear blast or freeze to death from the nuclear winter.

A couple weeks later Kobe Bryant dies in a freak helicopter accident along with his daughter, and nine other people.  It's not WWIII but it was a WTAF Universe moment.  I'm not a huge Basketball fan but I mean I know who he is and was heartbroken for the families, friends, and fans.

Then Australia was on fire.  Like no really the f**king contiennt was basically burning.  It had been going on for some time but seem to really take over in early 2020.  I (along with everyone else, I'm sure) felt so helpless watching people and animals lose their homes.  I mean I started following the Irwins to see how their Zoo was helping all the injured animals.  I bought items that were donated to to relief cause.  I donated to LEGIT save Australia campaigns.  I mean I know we all joke about everything in Australia wanting to kill you but we still need to save it!

Moving on, we started to hear more and more about this "nothing to worry about" virus in China.  The news said "its all good".  But social media posts from other areas seemed to say different. Then...then news was blowing up with cases all over the world.  Little onesie twosie things until *BAM* it's almost Mardi Gras and its officially here in the US and WTF is happening?!??!  Then one vacation was canceled because international travel was not recommended.  Then a case or 20 popped up in NOLA.  Another vacay was canceled.  I left my office on 3/11 not realizing I would not be returning for an indefinite amount of time.  It's been over 8 weeks... 

Amidst the pandemic Wildfires near Chernobyl ramped up increasing radiation readings in the area.

We had a freak hail storm.  Just out of the blue f**king hail when we were supposed to have "lite showers".  NO warning.  NO nothing just *ping ping ping*, "Mother F**ker!!!" In one city it was the size of my fist...MY FIST!  At least by me it was just tiny marbles but STILL!

The stock market crashed.

Oil went negative.  IT WAS TRADING NEGATIVE!

Now we are being told there are Murder Hornets.  I'm sorry...what?!?!  Ah yes...a hornet....bigger than my index finger.  Excuse me while I just drink Everclear, and cry in a corner.  Apparently their sting hurts (alot) but they really only target Honey Bees.  Oi, I like Honey Bees!

They also are predicting a more active than normal hurricane season...which that news can just f**k right off.

Seriously, who the f**k is playing Jumanji??!?!

To top it all off, people are now protesting the pandemic.  I'm sorry, what....? Well technically they are protesting the SAH orders but it's basically the same because both make about the same amount of f**king sense...zero.  I want things to open up too but safely and not at the cost of more lives.

Oh and apparently wearing a mask...you know to protect OTHER PEOPLE from your germy @$$ is a violation of constitutional rights or something.  As in my comfort is more important than your life so f**k you.  So we want to open back up but not take precautions to keep it from making a resurgence...makes sense *face palm*.

Sometimes I think we deserve $hit like this because as a whole humanity can be hella f**ked up.

They see me rollin'

On a happier note in this time of insanity I am a weirdo!

So since I have a serious case of cabin fever, I try to "get out" as much as possible NOT WITH PEOPLE at parks or in groups.  Usually in my back yard or I run in my hood while all the families are eating dinner.  It's awesome, there is like no one out and about.  But it sucks because no one is out and about.

Now I live in a safe area, I'd like to think but running the streets ALONE during the apocalypse is f**king creepy!  It's like walking around in  I am legend...

I keep waiting for Zombies on speed to come running out of the shadows, and then I remember....I am not that fast!  An 11 min mile is decent but not a Cheetah Zombie pace!!!

Today I decided to ride my bike instead.  I am faster on a bike, ha!  So I put one ear bud in (safety 1st) and went on my way.  Now I look like your typical soccer mom.  I am not a mom nor do I attend soccer games but I am a small-ish suburban blonde 30 something in Lululemon knockoffs and Nikes. 

Not my pic

So imagine as I rolled through my 'hood jamming to some...interesting music. I looked like a modern day Donna Reed singing "I got my twin glock .40s, cocked back. Me and my homies, so drop that"...

Anyways, as I came around the corner and saw one of our elderly neighbors on her porch and I realized singing "Hold up, wait up, shorty. "Oh aw wazzup, get my d**k sucked, what are you doin'?"" Was probably something I should stop doing while looking like....

I mean she couldn't have heard me...right...

I am hoping her hearing aids were off...

So I shouldn't stock pile Pantene...?

LINK

Now filed under things I didn't think I needed to know but recent events are making me think about!

I think the bigger question is...why?  I mean during a nuclear fall out the last thing on my mind is "gee I wish my hair was softer" but I do like to be able to brush it sooooo please explain.

"Conditioner can bind radioactive particles to your hair. "

Ah, okay...noted.

"Unlike shampoo, conditioners are meant to stay behind on your hair," Romanowski says. If the conditioner comes into contact with radioactive material, these sticky, oily compounds can gum radioactive dust into your hair, he says.

 "Radioactivity is like changing a diaper. You don't want it on you, but if you do get it on you, just wash it off and go on with your day."

Ewwwww so its like the poop from a bomb.  Got it.

A fallout shelter is best, but a basement may do in a pinch, Karam says. "If you see a flash, go inside right away," he says. It could save your life.

Well crap!  I live in a town that is technically BELOW sea level.  There are no such things as basements in these parts.... (also see, the water table is too high).

Johnny 5 is that you?!?!?!

Number 5...is ALIVE!!!!!

Yea yea yea I know there were other "OMG the machine is 'alive' now" movies *ahem* "Chappy" *ahem* but this is my nostalgia.  I absolutely ADORE Johnny Five.  He was part of my childhood. 

No I am not just having a flash back.  I saw an "article"...shocking, I know.

"A robot capable of thinking for itself is set to be scrapped after it escaped from a high-tech lab for a second time."

Wait...WHAT?!?  Its escaping?!?!  It wants to be FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"They say that despite reprogramming it twice, the robot continues to attempt to escape and they are now considering scrapping it. The other robots which have been created from the same series are well-behaved, and have not been escaping, say the team."

Y'AAAAAALL!!!!  This is basically the plot of Short Circuit!!!  He isn't like the other robots and wants to be free.  

Please tell me the lead scientist looks like this!!!!

Dang it, the robo looks more like Eve (Wall-E) but they should TOTALLY call him Johnny 5!!!!!

No disassemble...Number 5...is...ALIVE...

I love how they nonchalantly throw this in there...
"In Austria a cleaning robot reportedly 'committed suicide' by switching itself on, and climbing on to a kitchen hotplate where it was burned to death." 

What the actual f**k?!?!  How dirty was that house that the cleaning robot decided to end it all...?

Yes yes yes yes its being reported by a British Tabloid.  But come on this is FUNNY!  Plus if I learned anything from Men in Black...the Tabloids usually get it right!  *hahahaha*

Side Note - I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!

Well that gives a whole other meaning to "licking p***y"

Why is this a thing?!?! Who wants to for real lick a cat?!?!  Do you want hairballs because that is how you get hairballs!  Yea yea yea this isn't really "licking" it but STILL.

I love my cats but come on!!!  It's hard enough to brush my cats...I can't imagine if I held them like a baby and tried to "lick" them with a GIANT rubber tongue!!!!!! My cats would literally rip my face off.  Not exaggerating...they would both use their back claws until I no longer had features and then they'd try to eat me because that's what @$$hole cats do when they love you. 

Sorry its weird!  If I buy one of these it will be 1000% a joke and it would be so hilarious we would all pittle a bit from laughing so dang much.  JFC just don't do this...please...because I will judge you and I'm not that judgy...for the love of all that is holy do not lick your cat!  Its like the first sign of the End of Days. 

God: Darn, it is actually happening
Angels: What Father?
God: *sigh* Humans have started tongue grooming their pets....time to for another flood...or fire...or plague
Angels: And so it shall be done *turns all felines into super villains*
Humans: Dammit fluffy let me love you!
Fluffy:  F**k you Linda, it's our turn to rule the world
*Human sacrifice*
*dogs and cats living together* 
*mass hysteria*
Fluffy: Where is my catnip, slave!?!! *slashes throat with a single claw*
*fin*

UPDATE - OMG Someone in the comments said "a sign of the Apocalypse", see its not just me!!!!!

Do you want a Robot Apocolypse because that's how you get a Robot Apocalypse!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Can you imagine? 

Mom: Hey Little Johnny this is Mickey Mouse!  No wait no flas...CRAP!
Mickey: *shorting out* *sparks flying* Kill all humans!  Die die die! He-heh *Mickey Laugh*

Oh and by the way...SIMPSON'S DID IT! 

Auntie Em, Auntie Em! Oooooh Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore

So yesterday is now filed under things I never need to experience again...EVER.  It was a weather thing.  A BAD weather thing.  A REALLY bad weather thing that had 1/2 the state scrambling to shut down early so people wouldn't be on the roads.

The issue wasn't really rain, although that was a factor too.  The bigger issue was HIGH winds and potential tornadic activity.   While I have had the EA (Emergency Alert) on my phone go off before, had the tornado sirens go off before, had my parish calling/texting take shelter before, and even seen a tornado from a distance...I have NEVER been "in" one.  And I could live the rest of my life without experiencing another...PLEASE.

I mean I know we've been on the way "Outskirts" of tornadoes in the past but yesterday was different.  Yesterday was eerie.  I've had bad feelings before but I was a nervous wreck for a good portion of the day yesterday.  Mainly because the weather people were freaking out.  I was catching up on shows I missed when my phone really started going crazy with texts from family.  So I tuned to WDSU and my jaw dropped.  There was a tornado on the ground not far from me.   Thankfully it went just north of me but the fun wasn't over yet.  As I was staring out my back door at the sky I noticed the clouds looked "funny".  They were moving erratically, not in any one direction.  

I was debating if I should grab the animals and jump in the tub when insanity happened. 

- Everything went impossibly still. 
- Then blinding rain started coming down sideways
- There was a loud bang/explosion and the power was gone
- A siren went off 
- My phone went off 
- I grabbed two cats and two dogs and shut myself in the bathroom 

I know they say it sounds like a "train" and I can understand why.  But its not really a train.  It is quite a disturbing sound and hard to describe.  Almost like an angry moan.  It was loud and it went from moan to almost a shrieking.  You could hear $hit slamming into the house and then it was over.  It lasted minutes...seconds...I don't know.  So there I was in the dark, in the bathroom, with my phone screaming at me with alerts & seek shelter phone call/texts, and 4 frightened animals.  I literally just sat there pondering if I should exit the bathroom or hang out for a bit.  I opted to hang out for a bit.

Hubs called a few minutes later.

- Please tell me it missed us!?!?!? And y'all are okay. 
- Ummm I think so...I am in the bathroom and am not sure if I want to leave yet.

I eventually ventured out and *whew* the house was fine.  It took him 20 minutes to get home!  He works less than 5 miles away!!!   But all the damage and downed power lines made him take a crazy route to get home.  He said he was leaving work when it hit.  He said he looked towards our neighborhood and saw black clouds in the sky and a "wall of white".  He couldn't see the road/houses/businesses.

Y'all don't understand...it literally skipped our neighborhood.  2-3 blocks from us in most directions looked like a war zone but our little area just had some branches down, missing shingles, and broken fences...oh and no power.  How...???  It sucks!  Those poor people!!! Its only been three years since the flood and now they are missing roofs because of a f**king tornado!!!

We may not have power till Thursday or Friday...*gulp* that sucks! But ya know what...no power and losing my frozen foods is fine...at least my home, me, and my animals are all good. 

UPDATE - Apparently there were seven tornadoes in the area....SEVEN!!!  What the actual f**k?!!??!?

Oh look honey, skyscrapers IN the...sky...?...wait......what.......noooo.......*run away, run away*

Whaaaaaa...?

Soooo I saw this today and just...hmmmm.  Read the article because it explains it as an optical illusion (fata morgana) but...but...but...I dunno.  Again, there is a whole group of scientists saying "nothing to see here, nothing to see, move along" meanwhile the cracks in the universe are back and Pete's world is bleeding through...or is that "Peter's World"...is it Gallifrey??? Oh $hit, I hope not...Nah, not pompous enough...Or did Ultron steal another city? Did anyone check to see if a City is "missing"???  Maybe Jack planted that stupid beans again...crap, giants are @$$holes.  Did anyone read Saga of the Seven Suns...?  Is it a mining facility?  Are the Hydrogues & Faeros going to show up and burn us all to ash?!?!?  These were my thoughts BEFORE the article...This one I didn't think of but it is applicable, GLITCH IN THE MATRIX, call Neo we have a problem.  Also, someone said "Asgard confirmed" which, okay yea I guess I get that one too but it wasn't my first thought.

My confusion (and inner conspiracy theorizing) is because they say the reason we see it is because our eyes/brain can't compensate for the refracted light causing us to see "things" that aren't there.  But...but how does the camera capture it?  Like I get that the camera is seeing the same refracted light but wouldn't putting it on "film" disperse the illusion?  Kind of like when we try to take a picture the majestic moon and end up with a pin head dot in a sea of black.  And wouldn't people be seeing DIFFERENT things if it's an illusion?  Or is this like a group think thing?  Because a few people said "city" every one is now seeing a city.  Or is it really a reflection of the city below...but I didn't see a city below that looked like that...I so confused.

I dunno man, it's just weird and apparently has happened before.  Someone said this happened in China around 2008 ...another city in the sky.  What are the freaking chances of that?!? Where is Mr. Tsoukalos to explain this?!?!?

SIDE NOTE - I am being silly for the most part.  I do understand science, etc.  I just think the explanation is weird.

I have a filthy mind...I'm going to hell...in a hand basket...with bells on...

And so is everyone else who commented on this!

What am I looking at?!?!!?  Why are there giant red penis looking things all over S.E. Louisiana?!?!?  That gives a whole other meaning to being f**ked by Mother Nature...  What was in that rain??!?!  No wonder my plants started growing like crazy...

You know you see it too!  And don't tell me "it looks like nuns walking in prayer" because we all know you only came up with THAT so you wouldn't seem as heathenish as the rest of us.

I still think its Aliens!

So I saw this video being shared repeatedly in my Facebook feed and I am a bit concerned.

Here is a LINK to the Video. That link isn't working anymore, this this one or this one.

My first thought is ALIENS!  Someone call The Doctor &/or Mulder & Scully we are under attack, maybe.  I mean it sounds like some weird mix of Close Encounters of the Third Kind with War of the Worlds (2005). Tell me I am not right?!?

Close Encounters:

War of the Worlds:

So of course I was going to reply with my fav Meme

But someone beat me to it on every post...DOH!

Anyways, I read down on the comments on a few of them.  Some people were like "Aliens, haha.  No...I hear trumpets...it sounds like the '7 Trumpets of Revelation', praise Jesus", others were like "Praise the Lord, he is watching out for us." A few were like "Angelic Trumpets, it is beautiful!" Still others were like "God is good, he sends us such beauty." Thankfully there were some peeps like me saying "Um that is creepy!" or "That isn't beautiful, it is terrifying!"


My first thought was, "wow you are quite the set of religious buffs".  My second thought was "Wait...Revelation...doesn't that mean the end of times...?" I might be Catholic by upbringing but I couldn't for the life of me remember the lore about the trumpets so I went to my old friend Google.

"Seven trumpets are sounded, one at a time, to cue apocalyptic events that were seen in the vision of the Revelation of Christ Jesus, by John of Patmos, as written in the Book of Revelation of the New Testament." Source

Hold up...that...that...THAT is the beginning of the Apocalypse! Screw calling The Doctor, someone call the Winchesters! That isn't beautiful!!!  Stop saying it is so wonderful!  If that noise is the Angelic Trumpets do you know what that means?!!?!?  That means we are all f**ked! Sorry but I don't care how "religious" you are...the END OF THE WORLD...the RAPTURE is not something that sounds pleasant...I don't want to experience it!  Haven't you people seen "This is the End"?!?!?! I, for one, don't want to get my @$$ kicked by Hermione while trying to avoid a seven headed beast emerging from the ground, hoping I ascend soon...just saying.

So what do you think it is???  The original poster said the sound "comes from the sky"...what on Earth (or not on Earth) could it be?!?!