Shoutout to my guardian Angel

So I had to drive quite a distance today.  Thank goodness I was paying attention! As I was lala-ing along my way things got dangerous FAST!

Suddenly LOTS OF BRAKING.  The SUV in-front of me swerved to the right barely missing the back of an 18 wheeler.  I managed to slow to about 40 but was coming in hot.  I had seconds to make a move.  I noticed the pickup next to me pull to the right giving me room to swerve. 

Some jack@$$ was pulled over ON THE LEFT.  His pimp mobile looking thing was blocking half of the left lane.  We were going 75...I have a little car I can't see much past SUVs.  And no, I was not tailgating! 

I missed the pimp mobile by millimeters!

It happened so f**king fast.  But I can't thank that pickup enough for his quick reaction.  It was either slam into a stationary vehicle going over 35 mph or side swipe aa truck going who knows how fast.  Those were literally my options because there wasn't enough time to brake to a stop without possibly losing control. 

Who the f**k does that?!?!  I've had car issues on I10.  You either get over to the right somehow OR you pull all the way into the grass on the left.  You do not...I repeat DO NOT block half the f**king left lane of the Interstate. 

I hope that moron made it home safe.  Had I slammed into him I would have been severely injured.  He wasn't in the vehicle, I saw him on the phone in the grass.  My driver side would have been the side that hit. 

That would have been very very bad for me and who knows how my little car would have ricocheted around after.  It was rush hour...there were BIG vehicles everywhere!!!!!

My point is use your brain.  Don't block lanes of traffic if you can avoid it and DO NOT BLOCK AN INTERSTATE!  So yea, thank you guardian angel, the universe, the big guy....whomever...I am just glad it went the way it did.

I hate driving...not because of the driving itself but because of the other idiots on the road. 

I'm out...time for a shower and bed. 

Idiocracy was a f**king prophecy

Right so I know I joke that Idiocracy is coming true but lately...LATELY...I fear I may not be joking.

People DO NOT THINK.

Who does this?!?!!?

Link

Who said "yes lets have LIVING exotic animals as props at prom"?!? The kids didn't do this.  This had to have been approved by an "Adult".  I put that in quotes because the definition of what constitutes being an adult is started to get a little hazy.

"At a Miami prom themed “Welcome to the Jungle,” several exotic animals, including a lemur, two macaws, an African fennec fox and a tiger were on display."

Has anyone been to a F**KING prom?!?!!?  They are loud and packed and have weird lighting and smells.  Just thinking about the stress put on those poor animals is heartbreaking!  

From the School: "The tiger, which was displayed for a few minutes in a cage was never harmed or in danger, was not forced to perform, was always accompanied by his handlers… and for the great majority of the time was laying down in a relaxed state facing away from the audience,” the statement read.

But watch the Video...that cat was pacing with ears back.  Anyone with a f**king brain can see that animal is uncomfortable.  That is why our old Mike the Tiger didn't go into the stadium for games.  He got too stressed out so he stayed in his habitat (which happens to be nicer than my house).  

"But in video posted online, the tiger can be seen pacing in the cage as performers use fire to entertain the graduating class." 

Performers.used.Fire.  read it again...they used FIRE!  Any living creature out of its comfort zone would freak the f**k out seeing fire and being in a f**king cage!  A human would.  Imagine being put in a tiny cage and rolled out into a large "arena" where there is FIRE and loud noises all around you.

What if he would have gotten out?!?!?  Yea yea yea he was "always with his handlers".  Ask Siegfried & Roy how well a pissed off Tiger listens to its handlers.  Like Roy said not the Tiger's fault!  He almost died and didn't blame the Tiger BUT a Tiger no matter how well cared for, no matter how much interaction with humans it has, is still a wild animal.  

That prom could have become famous for very different reasons.  I hate people!  Common sense says this is a bad idea, yet it was approved by a school system.  God help us we have no common sense left and that is what is educating our future generations. 

Natural Selection.....

I try not to judge but come on people!

1.)  If you have to boil water for drinking (we were under a boil water advisory after the freeze)...LET THE WATER COOL BEFORE DRINKING IT!  Very young kids may not understand this but f**king adults should know not to swallow scalding water ffs!  Ours news stations actually had to say this...

2.) Ice = Slippery.  If you venture out unnecessarily when everyone and their grandmother is saying stay in...please be very very careful...

Thankfully my job doesn't require me in the office.  I know others did/do but if its retail/restaurant/office...why?! No one was working, much less leaving their houses and schools/government offices were closed.  Emergency personnel I understand.  Skeleton crews at groceries/pharmacies if they can get there, I can understand, but the f**king mall...?  

Who the hell woke up Wednesday and was like I know I might die on the road but I really need a new pair of kicks?!?!?! 

No one, so why the f**k was the mall open?!?!?

Again...I try not to judge but this $hit makes me angry...closing for a couple days is better than losing an employee(s) because they were hurt trying to get there.  

3.) Next! Why are people eating Tide Pods?!?!?!?  Stop that right now!  

My 11 y/o niece wants to know if when you become a teenager/adult you become stupid because according to her "Even my 5 y/o sister knows not to eat laundry detergent".   

I am not talking about very young children, people with mental disorders, or people with dementia.  These morons are "normal" teens/adults doing STUPID things to become internet famous.  

This is almost as bad as the dumping boiling water trend that thankfully lasted a very short time but only after some poor child was literally scarred for life.  Or what about the cinnamon challenge where you eat a spoonful of cinnamon and try not to choke to death.  

While I hate cinnamon and would never try this, this was incredibly dangerous.  Ingesting that much at once can cause coughing which causes you to inhale the powder still in your mouth.  Which can lead to inflamed lungs and trachea causing more problems OR you might not be able to catch your breath.  It was a stupid challenge.  

Who the f**k thought this was a good idea?!?  I know people were dared to do stupid things when I was younger...before the internet was so widespread but I don't recall anyone doing anything THIS stupid.  Disgusting and risky...maybe but deadly...never or very very rarely.  

So here is your take away........don't do drugs, drink with caution, Stop eating Tide Pods, don't pour boiling water on people, use cinnamon like a normal person, don't put on accelerant and light yourself on fire (yes, that was a thing for a hot second), don't put salt on your arm and then cover it with ice (it burns), just use your f**king brain!  5 seconds of  internet fame isn't worth it!

Darwinism...maybe

Saw this:

Laughed for like 5 minutes straight...what a sarcastic answer.  But really, if you cut a wire, you break the connection....it will no longer connect to the power source.  Well at least a piece of it wouldn't connect.  Granted you probably wouldn't get much of a shock from the battery operated lights but why chance it.  I just feel like if you cut them, even the piece still attached to the battery pack wouldn't work (or would work but not properly) because of safety or something.  I dunno, I've spliced together wires before so it may still work but this just screams FIRE HAZARD. 

This has to be one of the goofiest questions I've seen on Amazon...buy a shorter strand or figure out a way to hide the excess....

I didn't know a 250lb muscle man could giggle like a school girl

I'm not being mean it just caught me off guard!  Apparently "really pissed off" Nola Gurl is f**king funny. 

I was sitting at my computer FUMING about the level of idiocy I have to deal with.  I'm not kidding about the level of DUMB.  I had one person ask me the same question FIVE different ways.  I was about to say "just because you re-word a question, doesn't change the F**KING question!!!"  This isn't Judicial Court.  This isn't a trial!  This crap will not make me change my answer!!!

Examples:
- Did you eat my lunch made of cheese and crackers?
- Hmm my lunch of cheese and crackers has gone missing, do you know anything about that?
- I seem to have misplaced my lunch of dairy and crispy things, think "someone" ate it?
- Do you think "Someone" ate my lunch? Where else will I get aged milk product and baked crisps?
- If I were to have cheese and crackers, would you have eaten them?

My answers would be no, no, no, no - the store, no.  NO ONE ATE YOUR F**KING LUNCH...that's how I want to respond but I don't.

And no, the idiocy I was dealing with wasn't about lunch, it was about how systems work...but you get the idea (I Hope) with my lunch example. 

With that said I was reading this kind of crap and deciding how/if I should reply when muscle man walked up.  I didn't look up.  He asked me a  question.  I didn't respond.  He said "NOLA Gurl, are you okay?" I responded very quietly, "I am about to go crazy stabby white girl on some people",. as my right eye twitched and I death gripped my mouse.

He legit giggled and snorted. *surfacing from my anger induced haze*  What?!?!  He just laughed...and laughed....and laughed and said "I'll come back later" and walked away giggling.  I guess he wasn't expecting THAT from me. 

Hmmmm maybe I should be more careful about what I say in front of the owner.....

Its not funny anymore. Joke is over. No really...stop......please.....

This is why Idiocracy could be considered a documentary.

Education is the key.  Educated people tend to make better decisions.  Not always the best decisions but better ones.  We are still human so mistakes will always be made.  So WHY IS EDUCATION NOT OUR PRIORITY?!?!?!  Yes we need to save the planet...stop killing Earth...THANKS! 

Yes we need to do a lot of things.  But fixing these are just band-aids.   If we focus on educating our spawn in addition to fixing the f**k ups...maybe...just maybe we have a fighting chance.  Right...right?!?! 

But there in lies part of the problem.  The persons able to become educated are putting off spawning until later in life.  Well later in life is where we have issues.  So it is possible that the intelligence wont be passed on. 

But those not educated (not always by their own choice) are popping them out one after the other.  And I am not saying ALL kids from uneducated parents have problems.  I am saying on an average that is the case.  Because the parents don't have the foundations to pass on to their spawn.  And teachers only have so much power.  So then we have more than likely 2nd generation uneducated and so on and so forth. 

My rant came from this......

- Person grows up watching older sibling crash and burn from SERIOUS drug problems
- Person watches in horror as older sibling royally screws up their 1st child while still battling a drug
  addiction (mainly HEROIN)
- Person watches as grandpa takes over raising of said child (Permanently)
- Person vows to never be like them
- Person watches older sibling have ANOTHER child while relapsing (Pills this time)
- Person is FREAKING out and watches as that child is taken by grandma (temporary but still)
- Person is starting a career in medical
- Person has an "ooops" ($hit happens, I'm not judging) and drops out of school (NOOOO don't do 
  that!)
- Person moves in with long time bf and baby
- I do not hear much from person for a few years but all seems well when we are in touch
- Suddenly I am told baby is seized by CPS and person & bf are in prison for child 
  endangerment and drug possession (not just any drug... METH)
***Holy f**king $hit!!!  What happened?!?!?!?***
- Baby is about to be released into the foster system when grandma steps up to the plate again and
  takes them in
- A two year battle with rehab & relapsing & domestic charges.  Being kicked out of group 
  homes.  Court.  You name it, it happened.  Person wants the kid but CPS says if they try to 
  take the kid, the kid will be seized...AGAIN.
- Grandma still has kid.  She is court appointed guardian.  Person is trying to stay sober...its an uphill
  battle.
- Today from person "I'm so excited to announce baby girl, due September 2016.  I'm in desperate need of baby stuff so please pass this along."

***Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! No no no no no no no...just f**king no!!!***
*** You can't take care of Baby A...you should NOT be having Baby B!!!!!***
*** Yes, access to things like sex ed and birth control would help but JFC you are 27 years old WITH A CHILD.  You should know that inserting Tab A into Slot B could end in Baby!!!!!***

So while Baby A is being raised by grandma...Baby B will be raised by person...maybe...I guess a court decision could change that.  I am terrified for BOTH of them.  Grandma is old...what happens to Baby A when she is gone or can't take care of them anymore!?!?!? Person couldn't handle raising one...how are they gonna raise two?!?!?

I'm not being mean or jealous.  I am being realistic.  I am being an observer and what I am observing scares me.  

This is just one example.  This happens all the time...I know it does...but how do we stop it.  How do we evolve instead of devolve.   How do we protect kids from following in their parents footsteps (poor choices).  I gave myself a headache.

 

SIDE NOTE - Drugs are bad.  Addiction is bad.  I know its hard to just quit but bringing kids into makes me stabby.

Friendliness or friendly "flirting" and flirting with intent are two very different things!!!!

I am apparently a "flirt".  It drove jealous possessive exes INSANE back in the day.  But I refused to change which I think drove them more insane.  It is my personality though.  I wasn't flirting with intent...it was just me being friendly which I was told equaled "flirting".  It is hard to explain but people who have a naturally "flirty" personality understand and thankfully my hubs and I are on the same page. 

The exes would always tell me I "flirted" with people right in front of them.  That it was disrespectful and showed that I clearly had no boundaries.  This Pissed.Me.Off.  I never led anyone on.  I never allowed anyone to think my friendliness was anything more that just that...FRIEND.  I acted the same way with girls and boys.  I think this confused the Neanderthals I dated.  If me being nice was misconstrued as "I want to f**k you right here", then that person is a moron.

They used to try to make me see how "hurtful" I was being by flirting with other girls in front of me (I know, I know I picked real winners here).  The difference was THEY were leading these girls on.  They didn't make it clear that their intention was being friendly.  They flirted with intent and bought drinks and danced and almost got their @$$es kicked because these girls would find out who I was and would want to defend the poor girl whose boyfriend was blatantly flirting with them. Their body language was DIFFERENT!  I just stood on the side and rolled my eyes.  Clearly these people were extremely insecure.

Friendly "flirting" is just that, friendly...THAT IS IT!  I am meeting a new person.  I am including their girlfriend/boyfriend if they have one.  I am including their friends if they aren't alone.  I am not accepting drinks from them.  I am not grinding on them.  I am not leaning in or touching them.  I am not exchanging numbers with them.  I am JUST F**KING TALKING!  The body language doesn't say f**k me, just hi. 

Flirting with intent is different.  You are trying to "seal the deal".  If you are at a bar/club, you are accepting drinks and/or dancing.  You are exchanging numbers with promises of meeting up in the future.  The body language is different.  Your smile is different.  You are leaning in.  You are touching in some way shape or form.  You are letting them know you are interested!

THAT IS FLIRTING!!!!

Some how in the last 10 years the ability to read body language has completely disappeared or people are just incredibly cocky now.  For some reason every time I smile at someone they suddenly think I am DTF and I so am NOT.  And I am not talking about complete strangers.  I am talking about business associates, vendors, customers, etc.   Men and women alike!  There was a rumor about me at one of my customers locations that I shamelessly flirted with the CFO to get in HER pants.  Um negative ghostrider.  Sooooo what, I can't smile at people or make small talk without "leading someone on".   What the actual f**k is wrong with everyone?!?!? 

Newflash a conversation and a smile does not equal I want to f**k you...it means I am a nice f**king human being...That.Is.All!  Jesus, people, read body language.  Its not hard.  If you smile at me, I just think you are nice.  And if you think everyone who looks in your direction wants your d**k/p***y then YOU have some serious ISSUES!

Rant over, NOLA Gurl out!

Don't be an @$$hole, don't be an @$$hole, don't be an...ah crap...

How to make a sarcastic person insane...you don't get the sarcasm.  Ahhhhhh, so frustrating.  I can understand when I say something cryptic...sometimes people don't catch it.  But when it is OBVIOUS I am being silly...oh god I can barely contain the jerk response.  I think my inner goddess is House. 

This all happened on social media (shocking).  I had two people answer my sarcastic "question" within seconds of me posting it...okay fine whatever.  But my BFF rescued me by adding an additional sarcastic comment making my goofiness blatant.  Her comment with my comment made the whole scenario crystal clear, we were being facetious.  I still got three more replies answering my "question".  Newsflash people I knew the answer.  I was making fun of the news outlets that got it WRONG.

It took all of my self control to not post this.

And I am still debating if I should just do it.  Because it has been a few days and I've received MORE replies.  *whoosa whoosa*

Trying to put down others for what they put on Facebook, but not being intelligent enough to realize you are part of the group you are trying to cut down

Soooooooooooooooooooooooo why would you post this?!!?!?!?  You changed your profile pic to the first filter.  I distinctly remember you having the rainbow one.  You just called YOURSELF out.  I am offended (hahaha, hehehehe, *snort*) because I changed my pic.  Okay not really...I could give a $hit what they think.  I am not clueless but it made me feel better to show some semblance of support after such a horrible crime.  Who cares if someone jumps on that bandwagon.  It is a kind gesture.  If you don't want to do it I am not judging you and I don't think different of you.  BUT I am judging this person right now because this is hilarious stupidity. 

I know Darwin awards are for people who do dumb things and die...but are there "awards" for parents who do dumb things? Aside from prison...I mean that's good, very good but an "award"/here's your sign seems to be needed as well

Okay this isn't an angry rant about how life isn't fair and how some people don't deserve kids or whatever.  It is a real "WTF is wrong with you" rant.  I might not be able to have kids but sometimes I wonder if our almighty gets a kick out of giving stupid people kids.  This my friends is how Idiocracy happens.  The intelligent fade away and the morons reproduce. 

Like I said it's not a "oh woe is me" rant.  But I can't help but cringe sometimes when I see people (yes that is plural...meaning MANY) I USED TO KNOW (and some strangers) with their kids.  Look, everyone has their own way of parenting and that's fine but there are some things that should be instinctive.  There are some things you should KNOW aren't good for little ones.  Your base maternal/paternal intuition should kick in and want to protect your offspring.

1.  Candy is bad.  A treat here and there is fine but regular intake of candy is bad...for ANYONE! 
     Children do not know this.  They have to be TAUGHT this. 
   
       a. Candy is really bad for babies.  I mean common sense says if they don't have many teeth and
           can swallow it WHOLE, they probably shouldn't get it.  It's called a choking hazard.  So no it
           isn't okay to give a 9 month old a f**king jolly rancher!  You are lucky that didn't end badly,
           idiot. 

2.  Loud noises are bad for kids...hell they are bad for us.  There is a f**king REASON I used to
     wear clear wax ear plugs to concerts and clubs.  I like my f**king hearing.  It was great.  You
     couldn't see them and I could still hear well enough. BONUS: I learned to lip read.  My point is 
     kids need ear protection, too.  Loud fireworks, put on the noise canceling ear phones, they aren't
     that expensive.  A band...okay look bands are loud BUT you should never be in front of the effing
     speaker...and if you shouldn't be there...then your 1 year old shouldn't be there either...even with
     ear protection!!!

3.  I can't believe I am saying this but babies don't belong in bars.  Yes, I was taken to a bar as a child
     but it was for a Mardi Gras thing.  As in the owner was a friend of the fam and was having a
     party (kid friendly) for a parade and I was there.  It was fun.  But if you want to go out on a
     Friday night and can't find a sitter...STAY HOME.  Just... one its loud, two its smokey depending
     on which area you are in, three its probably LATE, and four just DON'T!

4.  Doctors are your friends.  If your little one is seriously ill go to the DOCTOR.  Yes, I know they
     cost money but baby's well being is probably more important.  Do not post on FB that they are
     losing weight, can't keep anything down & are lethargic and then ask for advice. My advice,  
     go...to...the...DOCTOR!  I get a "hey does this bug bite look funny" post...those usually aren't
     potentially fatal but anything else...FB isn't where you should be. 

5.  Don't smoke...near kids.  I mean I say don't smoke PERIOD but I get it...its an addiction and it
     sucks.  So just don't do it around the little ones (or me, thanks).  I want to stab people things when
     I see pictures (or in person) of parents and grandparents holding their little cancer sticks while
     holding a baby (or while PREGNANT!).  Their still developing bodies are already exposed to so
     much crap, why expose them to even more?!!?!?  We know so much now, why is this still
     happening?!?!?!

6.  Soft drinks are no bueno.  Yes, I have a Coke or Rootbeer now and then as a treat.  But if your
     boo boo is still young enough to be drinking from a bottle...they shouldn't be drinking
     coke...FROM A BOTTLE.  I know this happened in the 70's and 80's but I thought people knew
     better now.  There is a TON of sugar and lots of caffeine and the acidity alone can royally eff up
     your adult tummy & teeth if you drink too much.  So imagine what it could do to a child??? 
     Look, I had soft drinks as a kid and my littles have them too from time to time but its not a
     regular occurrence.  It is a rare TREAT and it is monitored closely by the parents.  And diet is  
     NOT better...that artificial sugar crap is bad....just give them a water or something. 
       
         a. This also applies to sports drinks.  Those things aren't meant for casual drinking...they are
             meant to replenish your body after a workout.  A 3 year old has no business drinking
             Gatorade regularly with dinner.   Water...or milk...even juice is better...

I know being a parent is hard and I'm not one so clearly I just don't understand...but like I said, somethings are common f**king sense.  And yes, education plays a huge part in this.  Lack of education, usually means lack of basic common sense.  You aren't taught it so you don't know any better.  But information is so readily available now, how can you be COMPLETELY in the dark.  Your kids are exposed to so many things out of your control...why on Earth would you purposefully expose them to "dangerous" things you can control?!!?!?

Rant over, NOLA Gurl out.

Stop killing animals! Humans aren't carnivores, we are omnivores!

WHAT!?!??!!?  Sugar, do you know the definition of an omnivore?  It is an animal (person) that survives on food of both animal and plant origin.  Animal origin is meat, as in: Beef, Chicken, Pork, Seafood, etc. Look it up!

Humans are classic examples of omnivores in all relevant anatomical traits. There is no basis in anatomy or physiology for the assumption that humans are pre-adapted to the vegetarian diet. For that reason, the best arguments in support of a meat-free diet remain ecological, ethical, and health concerns.

I thought maybe they meant vegetarians but no, they didn't.   Someone else replied before I saw it, saying something similar to the above and their response was just...wow.  "No, not vegetarians.  We still need meat but we don't have to kill animals for it.  We can just go to the store." (I'm paraphrasing) WHAT?!!??!  Well, this post was a wild ride of non-sense from start to finish.

Now I've read a "stupid tweet/post" that went viral saying something similar and remember thinking "do people really think like that!?!? That can't be real!" but COME ON I am related to this person!  Surely they are kidding........making fun of that other post..........right........no.........f**k!  

How do we share DNA???  Are we becoming that dim-witted???  Meat at the grocery was once a living creature (well for now...until they start growing pieces in a lab...*shudder*).  Do these "youngins" not know that? Do they not realize that the pork chop they are consuming used to be Wilbur??? I can understand a young CHILD not really "knowing" but if you are over the age of 12 (I'm being generous here), you know where meat at the store comes from.........it's people, no wait that's Soylent Green.  

I have a request, can we change the status of Idiocracy from "fictional" to "documentary"?

It's what plants crave. . .

 And no I'm not knocking vegetarians or vegans.  If  you choose not to eat meat, whatever.

P.S. The reason there isn't a screen shot is because it was removed about a second after I read It and the 5 responses asking if they were dumb/drunk/high.