It's a fever dream with a dash of nostalgia

Well because I said I would take it easy on the horror yesterday...I watched...something I can only describe as Disney on Acid. 

I captured my thoughts in Notes that I will share here...for funsies, its long so BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUPS. 

If you don't want spoilers...stop here.

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is by far one of the most WTAF movies I have seen in a while. 

Brain Dump:

• Pooh and co are human sized…?
• JFC Pooh and co eat fucking Eeyore bc they no longer have Christopher Robin (CR) to feed them
• Oh snap their cannibalism made them feral! And they chose to never speak again
• CR comes back with his wife to prove they are real and piglet fucking murders her while CR cowers screaming PIGLET NO!!  Bruh help her!
• Pooh kills (?) CR
• Peeps be going missin in the 100 acre wood
• Don’t go to the woods!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Some chick with a complex is encouraged to “get away” to cope…?
• It’s 4 chicks in a cabin, wait 6 maybe...
• Oh ok two are…together..?
• Oh snap that escalated quickly.
• Why he ripped her shirt off first?!?
• Girl just walked out to make a call!  Pooh bashed her head in!!!
• Omg is that a grinder…ahhh
• One chick had a horrid stalker sitch 👀👀👀
• Are they going for backstory here???  
• This is like a bad porno without the sex
• Oh shit CR is still alive and held captive by Pooh
• I’m confused are they people with masks or human sized Pooh and friends?????
• Jesus Pooh is having an existential crisis!
• Oh fuck is he whipping CR with Eeyore's effing tail?!?
• Oh god a stew of endtrails is showered over him ahhhhh 🤢
• Uh oh she in a hot tub alone
• Is that Pooh or piggie creepin on her
• Aw shit it’s both
• Wtaf?!??
• Ooo boobies
• Oh she dead dead
• Wtf does piggie look like a boar
• Wait wait They subdued her to run her over?!? Da Faq
• Aw hell aw hell he crushed her skull with a tire 🤢
• What’s in her bag
• Is that a gun…?
• He used A sledgehammer?!? That’s gruesome
• Oh god her head just exploded 🤢
• Why do they kill some and kidnap others 
• Ewww the messy honey gorging *gag*
• At least I hope that’s honey
• Eewww he’s dripping  honey on her 
• He slapped her…to death…?
• Oh nope she alive
• Save CR you dipshits!
• Whose screaming??  When did they capture someone else?!?!?!
• Who’s the older chick chained up?!?
• Oh they are half human...is that what she said????
• Who the eff is Charlene, did a miss a whole story line?!?!?!
• How does she know so much CR said they brought here there this morning......
• Oh bitch is hoarsely calling for piglet with a gun, she gonna die die 🤣
• Pooh is dousing her in. Honey and….oh god piglet is eating her alive 🤢
• Oh snap piglet got a sledgehammer to the face
• How do you like it MOFO
• Well that's a whole new meaning to "Hog Tied" 🤣🤣🤣
• Squeal PIggy!
• Oh hell I think she killed him
• Ooooo Pooh ain’t gonna like that
• Oh god knife through the mouth into a post 👀👀👀
• Run BITCHES he's Michael Myers walking....RUN!
• Oh them Hillbillys about to die
• "That ain’t no man"…"that ain’t no bear," jeebus pick up the chicks and drive you idiots!
• Did they....did they just call Pooh a freak... Christ!
• Correction, Logan colt and Tucker about to die
• “Pooh breathes heavily” 🤣🤣🤣subtitles
• 4-1 Pooh still gonna win
• It’s a Mexican standoff…with Brits
• Jeebus he’s not even fighting back
• How is he still alive?!?!?!
• What in the hell.  How hard is his slap
• Ooooo karate chop
• Awww come on he stomp/ground his brains into the dirt
• Wait wait did I miss that....?  He can summon bees?!? Pahahhahahaa
• DRIVE AWAY CHICKS!!!
• Why did you run him over, for f**ks sake!!!!
• Jesus Christ just slam on the brakes and he'll go a flyin
• This bitch just hit the ceiling like that’s gonna do anything to the maniac bear beating on the roof
• What happened to CR. Did they leave him?!?
• Ooops she lost her head…and then there was one
• She turned the windshield wipers on and smeared her friend 🤣
• Pahahahha CR coming in hot screaming  fuck you is the best
• Bruh, he ain’t dead
• Ewww did he just vomit up honey?! 🤢
• Why is he so strong?!??
• This is very Saw/the purge/hostile
• CR offering the sacrifice
• The good is still in you Pooh 🤣🤣🤣
• Let her go, Take me please...I'll never leave you... GOOD LORD!
• He slit her throat and gravelly says "you left" *dying laughing*
• Pooh is a demented asshole
• That's some aggressive stabbing
• Jeebus he stabbed her...through her skull
• did he kill CR finally?
• Pooh growls into the night
• WTAF did I just watch
• I'll never look at Pooh the same
• OMG there is going to be a sequel
• I need a drink

Maybe I should lay off the Horror Movies

 NEVER!!!!!!!

I love spook spook movies anytime.  But once 10/1 hits I watch all the spook spook ALL.DAY.LONG. 

But I don't do Clowns...nope, NOT HAPPENING and I don't do Exorcism movies.  I don't know what it is about those but they always freak me the F**K out.  

Well I had on AMC or SYFY the other day and wasn't really paying attention when The Conjuring 2 came on.  I've never seen it and honestly wasn't sure what it was about just that it was an Ed and Lorraine movie.  

Well about an hour in and a creepy AF kid later I realize why I've never seen it.  I watched until the end (hoping for closure) but the f**king Nun thing comes out and I know its in other movies and well it was super spook spook. 

Now I know alot of Ed and Lorraine stuff was revealed as sensationalized or downright fake.  Alot wasn't but I've heard that the Enfield House (which this was based on) is possibly now thought to have been grossly exaggerated or possibly faked by the "kids".  

Regardless this stupid f**king movie worked its way into my f**king dreams.  Look I legit watch horror ALOT and rarely do I dream about it.  Usually it's the zombies on speed that I dream about but nothing else.  

Anyways, I remember almost NONE of my dream until the end.  I was a "spectator" for most of it.  Almost like watching a movie.  That I knew.  But it was the end...the climax.  There were 2 young girls.  One was the haunted one.  She was talking to something and her sis was scared.  Suddenly, I was there holding their hands.  The haunted one starts levitating and the other is screaming.  My bright Idea is to scream for their mom so she can help.  But I can't scream.  I am screaming "MOM!!!!" and my throat is hurting but barely a squeak is coming out.  

I scream with all my might and wake up to hubs shaking me asking whose whining, thinking it was a dog.  It was me.  My dream was so intense my body was trying to actually scream...well squeak.  Well after that I was legit awake until the sun came up and tried to snuggle my hubs because I had the heebie jeebies.

Lesson...stick to the classics and leave out the ones I KNOW give me the heebs. Maybe I'll watch some cheesy stupidness today.    

I swear I wasn't watching ... that!

So a recent lovely Sunday I was being a lazy $hit doing nothing.  I was hanging out doing one of my fav things to do in October.....WATCH HORROR MOVIES!!!!

Since my house is decorated as a mini house of horrors its only fitting, right?!  Well during my "me" time someone rang my doorbell.  "Hmmmm, who could that be...?"  I decided to ignore it, I'm busy.  They rang it again... "Ugh fine!"  

I opened the door to the most adorable little boy.  He was in his cub scouts uniform, he had glasses, and he was so freaking nervous.  As soon as I walked out he started reading from a sheet of paper, "hello, my name is _____.  I am with troop ____.  I am selling popcorn.  Would you help my troop, please?" *looks up with the most adorable grin ever*  

Me *thinking* fuuuuuck how can I say no to that?!?!?! *said* of course sugar!

I go inside to get my money and come back.  I left the door partially open because I had the psycho barkers penned up (I had an extra for the day so there were 3).  They were losing their $HIT barking the whole time.  As I am filling out the form, the pups got silent.  And all you could hear what I was watching....

*moaning*
*screams*

Me: I'm watching a scary movie.

*skin slapping*, *more moaning*

*blood curdling scream*

*knocking* "No stop, let me out, let me out!!!!" 

Me: *ah hem* Here's my money *nervous grin*

Kid: Thanks miss!!! I'll deliver it when we get it.
Dad: *suspicious stare* Um thanks...have a...good day...?

Me: Bye!!! *sounds of a murder* Have a great day! *waving*

I feel like dad thinks I was watching a porno...I was not but sometimes there is a fine line between porn and horror.

How does one acquire a ghost????

I mean I know there are hauntings brought on by history, sudden death, and playing with Ouija boards but do they sometimes randomly occur.  Like does a ghost go floating down the street and say "Hey, that looks like a fun house to scare the $hit out of the young lady living there"???

Why do I ask?  Well, because Halloween night (shut it, I know its cliche but its what happened) things, uh, happened and I was home...ALONE.   

So I was sitting in the dark watching "Halloween " (I know, I know more cliche) trying to ignore the thunderstorm outside, when I heard some scuffling from the back bedroom.  I figured it was a cat using the litter pan.  Until I realized both felines were happily perched behind me on the couch.  "Ah, must be a bad dog...", and they are both by my feet staring at the hallway.  $hit!  So I crept down the hall with two anxious dogs, a metal thermos full of water, and a scissors (they were the only weapons I had at my fingertips).

Upon investigation my house was secure and completely free of intruders & rodents (I hope).  THe noise had stopped.  So we went back to watching scary movies (not my best idea).

A while later I heard a loud crash from the same back area *high pitched scream*, oh that was me, ha...ha...ha.  Sounded like something fell.  The dogs are going ape $hit.  Dammit cats! *turns around* both cats are staring at the hallway.  OMG, I need an adult...wait I am an adult....I need an older adult *wah*.

Another investigation revealed my lamp on the floor.  "Alright Casper, knock it off!".  I found nothing else amiss and the windows and doors were still secured.

Sometime later watching "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" live performance on BBC America and I hear a loud static/blaring noise from the back.  Okay THAT is not a feline or a canine.  WTF is that?!?!  I sent convict to investigate (what?!), as I followed I saw the glow of the TV in my bedroom *so this it how it ends*.  My discovery was the TV in my room on but the image was stuck because my cable company sucks and sent me shoddy equipment.  Meaning it was making this awful noise while displaying a frozen image of Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street (I was watching that earlier in the day while I cleaned).  Are you f**king kidding me?!?!  It couldn't get stuck on a f**king commercial.  No, of course not!

 *turns off TV* *hides remote in drawer* *unplugs cable box*

Nothing else happened but I sure as $hit didn't want to go sleep in my room!  I did eventually...like at 2AM...and I left the TV on because I am an adult...and I made the animals snuggle with me...because I am in fact an adult.

My logical side says the scuffling I heard was bushes and trees blowing in the wind and hitting the house/windows.  I mean that COULD sound like it was coming from inside *manic giggles*

The lamp falling was a freak thing...it was on the edge and just slipped when the thunder crashed *wringing hands*

The TV thing was...I mean CLEARLY we had a power surge and it flipped on...right....RIGHT?!!?! *nervous laughter*


In conclusion I need to stop watching "My Haunted House" because it is OBVIOUSLY fueling my already over active imagination!!!!!!

OMG people calm down!!! It isn't the end of the world, well it might be on Saturday...

Okay, like I said before I get REALLY angry when local governments/neighborhoods get together and decide to move Trick or Treating to the Satruday before Halloween because it's on a Tuesday or whatever.  I think that is dumb and it makes me want to go all Michael Myers on them. 

But this time I have to kind of agree with the parishes, its a safety thing.

You see we are supposed to have 100% chance of rain Saturday night.  Not just rain, but thunderstorms and heavy downfall.  And while there was many a year where I Trick or Treated in the rain and cold we NEVER ventured out in severe weather.   It didn't happen often but I can remember a couple times where I didn't get to go Trick or Treating so I still dressed up, mom made popcorn, and we watched scary movies.  Was I happy about it?  Of course not I was a kid but what else were we going to do? 

With that said starting yesterday many of the parishes in S.E. Louisiana began saying they were moving Halloween to Friday.  And people are LOSING THEIR $HIT!  I get it, I do but they aren't moving Halloween, they are moving Trick or Treating.  And as much as I hate to say it, it makes sense.  But it was a poor choice of words news stations. 

Look, the weather is supposed to be INSANE in the area.  It is an outdoor holiday and they are thinking about safety first.   Also, as the Sheriff of one of the parishes said families spend a bit of money on Halloween.  They buy costumes and candy and decorations.  It would be a shame to let it all go to waste because of the weather.  It.makes.sense. 

So people calm the f**k down!  You can still "celebrate" Halloween.  Try to be positive!  Think of it as getting TWO evenings of Halloween fun, instead of just one.  Friday you do the Trick or Treating thing and Saturday you sit home watching scary movies in the crazy weather.  Its a win win people!

Wait, isn't that how many scary movies begin?  A girl all alone watching TV while the wind howls and the rain pounds the roof.  Suddenly the lights go out, the dogs starts growling and *dun dun dun*, I dunno you fill in the rest.   

Crap...I'm going to be home alone...great I just scared myself. 

I'm feeling nostalgic...for some Christmas makes them think of their Childhood...for me its a "Pagan" holiday...tomaeto, tomahto

So since it's THAT time of year that I love, I've been thinking.  Well I've been decorating whilst watching horror movies on Netflix...same thing.  I love new stuff but there are some classics...well classics to me...that you just can't top. For example, the original SCREAM, was terrifying.  As was the original Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and Halloween. 

Side Note - There is a reason Wes Craven is known as "The Master of Horror".  His movies scare you without being OVERLY gory.  I mean they are gross but they aren't SAW...they are more give you a heart attack from suspense. And no matter how many times you see them, they give you the heebie f**king jeebies!!!

Anyways, thinking of Halloween in the 80's/90's when I was a child and a teen makes me giggle.  Things that we I did were a little, uh, different.   

1.  We had every Halloween themed McDonald's toy. Including those stupid buckets...which were WAY too small for actual trick or treating.  The McNuggets in costume...interchangeable costumes...win win.  Scooby Doo and friends, The Simpsons...and countless others.  McWTF...the happy meal toys aren't nearly as cool as they used to be, well maybe the Minions.

 





2.  Who else wore their dance costumes as Halloween costumes??? Maybe it was just my school but we had some OFF THE WALL costumes that could double as Halloween attire.  I remember dressing as a Gremlin, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Super Woman, a Flapper, etc.  I think you get the idea.  And they weren't stupid costumes.  People knew IMMEDIATELY who I was.  It was just stretchier versions of what you buy in the store...with SEQUINS!

By the way, I need a Gizmo!!!

3.  There were something like 25 "Haunted Houses" just in the NOLA area (and I VOLUNTEERED at a few).  Everyone and their Momma used to do one! And they were only $5 to go to.  Now there are maybe 3 and its $40 (with a coupon) AND its more of a "show" for adults with HIRED actors, than a scare the $hit out of little kids thing.  Bunch of pansies, kids need a good scare now and then.  How else will you learn that you should always look ahead when running from a Chainsaw wielding off duty police officer or you might run into a wall.  I'm not saying I did that...just a piece of advice.  Ahhh, Sheriff Foti's Haunted House was so much fun!

4.   Garfield and The Peanuts had the BEST Halloween specials...HANDS DOWN!
"Candy, candy, candy, candy"..."You didn't tell me you were going to kill it!"...pure amazingness!

5.  This isn't only for Halloween BUT its "horror" related...my mom used to let me stay up "late" on Saturday nights to watch Morgus the Magnificent.  It was originally from the late 50's, I think, on and off through the 80's (yay for me).  It was a NOLA thing and it was terribly cheesy but people LOVED it.  He was a crackpot "scientist" that had a lab in the old Ice House and he was part of the "Higher Order".  He would do these crazy experiments (that always went horribly wrong) while "hosting" mostly cheesy B-rated horror movies.  Some of the worst best horror movies were seen because I watched him.  Kind of like how "Mystery Science Theater 3000" introduced me to some great love to hate Sci-Fi.  

NOTE: Oh yea and one more thing.  There was none of this Trick or Treat the Saturday BEFORE Halloween because it's on a Tuesday bull$hit!  You Trick or Treat on Halloween...if you show up at my house before then I'll give your kid vomit flavored Jelly Beans.  Don't test me...that is stupid! Just because its a "school night" *grumble, grumble*.  Quit being lazy.  We did it...LIVE A LITTLE! 

Finally, I can have a blood curdling scream coming from my pocket and it won't get me strange stares!!! Well mostly...maybe...eh, who cares!

It's October b**ches!!!  You know what that means?!?!?  It means my ringtone is now "This is Halloween" and my text tone is currently a blood curdling scream.  Well sometimes.  They will get changed to the Halloween theme, Jason's theme, the Exorcist theme...you get the picture.  I just can't help myself.  "Ch ch ch ch, ah ah ah ah".

Of course when I get a Traffic alert at 3AM and it sounds like someone is being murdered, I may not find it so amusing.  Who am I kidding, of course I will!

I can't wait to get home and put up my decorations!!!!  The agreement is no decor until the month of the holiday...it's October 1st...whoohoo!!!  I also can't wait to see what Speedy does.  Last year was Demon Spawns first Halloween and she walked around in a constant state of "WTF".  She would crawl into my lap and hiss at the skeleton hanging from my fan.  I posted on FB about her dislike of my Halloween decorations to which my bestie replied "does she know she is a Halloween decoration?!?"  Skiddish cat + black cat = my little witch's familiar. 

Speedy is scared of his own shadow so who knows what he'll do.  I can't wait, *muahahaha*. 

One of my FAVORITE Halloween movies!!!  Yes its cheesy and not scary at all but I love love love it!

So starting today:
1.  Decorations
2.  Finalize costume
3.  WATCH SCARY MOVIES!!!

Ahhhhh!!!!

Zombies are @$$holes, mmmmkay

I think I figured it out.  I have my most cracked out dreams when I am utterly exhausted.  I am not talking "hey I worked out earlier" tired.  I am talking about "I cleaned my ENTIRE house", "Did ALL the yard work (cut grass/weed-eated/hedged)", "ran a 1/2 marathon" or in my most recent case "played in the pool with a bunch of kiddos under the age of 6 for more than 3 hours". 


And when I say played, I do not mean relaxing in the pool while a lil one waddles around you.  I mean fully submerged swimming/walking back and forth.  Getting in and out. Making sure no one busts anything, "No running!!!" (sorry, my inner lifeguard comes out from time to time).  Busy busy busy BUT very fun!  So by the time it was time for bed, I was basically a Zombie. 

I had the most insane dream.  I don't watch a lot of Zombie shows/movies . . .well I do sometimes but not as ofter as other supernatural stuff, so I was really confused when I woke up as to why I dreamt about 'zombies'.  And I don't mean "Night of the Living Dead" slow walking, moaning "braaaaaains" zombies.  I am talking about those terrifying ones that run like f**king cheetahs (World War Z, 28 Days Later, I am Legend, etc.).  I was NEVER scared of zombies because I always thought, "dude you can OUTRUN them"...until 28 Days Later came out.  I remember going to the theater to see it and I was f**king scared out of my mind!  They didn't just run, they full on sprinted, all the while screeching.  And it wasn't like a slow burn infection.  You got ANY type of bodily fluid in you and you were a screaming banshee in seconds, WTAF!?!?

It's a loooong, detailed dream...get some popcorn and enjoy.  

Okay, moving on to my dream.  I was on vacation with the other half when the world went to $hit.  I am assuming we were in some sort of tropical climate because there was a resort and swimming BUT there were also things that hinted at Europe sooooo who the f**k knows.  I am not sure how but basically we get separated.  One minute we are enjoying an all inclusive beach and boos resort and the next minute I am wandering around Ireland...Scotland...MAYBE...it was really green...and a bit nippy.  I really don't know but it wasn't the U.S. that's for sure (people talked "funny").  I am picked up by a group of other survivors and brought to something that looks like a fort.  But inside it is ANOTHER all inclusive type place, no beach but a ridiculous pool and lavish buildings.  I am concerned about getting the f**k out of whatever country I am in but everyone there is like "no we stay here and wait for rescue" which sounds like the WORST idea to me.  There are parties every night and patrols every day.  I remember going swimming (no clue where the suit came from ) at one point.  There was a guy. . .I can't remember his face but he was attractive, tall and skinny but muscular.  He wouldn't leave me alone, even when I said "sorry boo, I am taken" (see even in my dreams, faithful wife).  He kept trying to catch me in the pool.  He got pissed at one point and threw a bunch of giant pills at me (is that The drugs???).  After some contemplation I went to the room he was sharing with some other peeps and returned the pills (I have no idea why, don't ask).  He looked different now.  I remember thinking "holy $hit, he's famous!" but I am not sure who it was.  We were suddenly BFF's and practically inseparable (no more sexual advances).

Jumping ahead, a group of us thought the whole "party all the time" mantra was a bad idea.  Stop making noise!!!  So of course one fateful night the "zombies" breach the outer wall and come pouring in.  We were near the insane pool...two options 1) Run around it and chance getting caught by a human cheetah on speed or 2) Dive into the water and swim across....the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, looks like I'm getting wet (shhhhhhhh, get your mind out the gutter).   The details of the dream were so vivid!  I could feel the water go up my nose when someone accidentally jumped on top of me.  I remember the weight of my clothes from jumping in fully clothed and the heaviness of my tennis shoes.  I can still feel the vice like grip on my calf as an inhuman fell in, latched onto my leg, and pulled me back under.  And I remember the relief I felt as my friend pulled me from the water and to safety (no bites or scratches...whew).  Thankfully the infected seemed to have trouble traversing the water so we managed to get a head start running (as I coughed a gallon of water out my burning lungs).  We made it to a main building where we broke into groups to enact a plan that I don't remember helping to create but I knew my place.

It consisted of us running UP stairs to lure the infected behind us. . . okay in EVERY horror movie I yell "OMG don't go up the f**king stairs! There is no way to escape." But we had a plan . . .it was sketchy at best.  We had to wait for the rabid individuals to see us and then run like our @$$ was on fire, what could go wrong...?

Jumping ahead again, we are no longer in the safety of the resort.  We've been separated into smaller groups.  Not by choice. . .  We are moving from "safe" house to "safe" house as quickly and quietly as possible.  We sleep in shifts and scavenge for food in the abandoned homes.  We can't eat just anything, in case it is INFECTED.   The only thing I really remember from this part is that my new friend was fiercely protective of me, &/or I made him feel safe...grounded...not sure.  I just know he NEVER left my side.  I can recall him basically cocooning himself around me while I was sleeping and holding on for dear life (we are talking vice grip).  Not in a snuggle up or sexy way...more like an "I can't lose you too way".  And honestly sometimes I wasn't sure if he was protecting me from the zombies or the other men in our group.  It was weird. 

Jumping ahead further, we find more survivors.  It is a military compound. They will only let us in once our eyes have been scanned (this was from I am Legend, I think).  They wanted to separate us but my friend said we were married so we could get in...together.   Conveniently we both had wedding bands....I guess he was married too...I don't remember noticing it before this.  It is hot, loud and chaotic but it feels safe.  I have no idea how much time had passed but eventually I spot a familiar face in the mess hall and practically tackle him (my other half, if you didn't figure that out).  He has a woman with him...it is my friend's wife...I know, I know very cheesy...sorry...I think my brain needed a happy thought.  Out of no where I heard the animalistic screeching the runners make.  Somehow they got inside. . . I was wrapped up in my hubbies arms crying when I felt a powerful shove...I woke up. 

I obviously don't know for sure what happened but I know what it felt like.  It felt like the "monster" got me.  Needless to say, I couldn't really fall back asleep after that.  My heart felt like it was trying to escape.  But why did I have this insane dream?!?!  Then I remembered.  Saturday night I put on SyFy Channel and watched 28 Weeks Later.  I didn't watch all of it but I watched enough to give my subconscious enough ammo to scare the bejesus out of me. 

Irrational?!?! Clowns are terrifying, you nut!

I've been told my "fear" of clowns is irrational.  I disagree!!! Clowns are 100% terrifying (statistical fact).  Why are they wearing that exaggerated makeup?!?!?  What's with the baggy exaggerated clothes???  WHAT ARE THEY HIDING?!?!

It is not an irrational fear.  Others think my fear is based off of IT.  They think I saw IT as a kid and it scarred me for life.  While yes I did see IT, that is not what started my fear.  My FEAR was well established before IT...the movie only justified my fear.  Clowns are f**king evil!

I distinctly remember hating clowns from a very young age.  I had a clown lamp in my bedroom.  It was a clown holding a bushel of balloons.  The balloons were the lamp shade.  It also played f**king circus music if you wound it up and the head lolled from side to side (I think, I may have imagined that part).  Also, the face had this forced looking smile like it was just waiting to kill me in my sleep.  "Gee, I wonder why I developed a fear of clowns?!!?!?" 

I can't find a picture of the lamp I had...the ones I am finding aren't nearly as nightmare inducing!!! Either that or my memory is quite skewed...
 

It looked something like this but the base was mostly white, not wood, I think it was porcelain & plastic

The face looked more like this.....

But in all seriousness I basically refused to sleep in my bedroom until my mom removed it.  I didn't even want it in the attic, I wanted it gone!  I was like 3 or 5 years old!!!  She replaced it with a lamp that was a f**king doll with an umbrella and the umbrella was the lamp shade.  "OMG mom stop giving me lamps that can watch me sleep!!!!!"

It looked something like this!

I think my mom was trying to scare me to death! 

Anyways, my fear of clowns started long before IT ever came out.  I saw IT.  You might be wondering WHY someone with a fear like mine would do that. Well I was at a sleep over and I didn't want to be the "scaredy cat" so I sat through it.  Then I didn't sleep for a f**king week! 

Seriously, could you sleep if you saw this every time you closed your eyes?!!??!

You would think as an adult my "fear" would have dwindled.  Nope!  I can control it...outwardly you would think I was fine (unless you really know me)...inside I'd be hyperventilating!  But for real, I went to the Circus with my friends for one of the kid's birthdays...I had to concentrate on not freaking out so the little ones wouldn't freak out.  It was pathetic! I even re-watched IT again as an adult and literally had every light in my house on.  The guy I was dating at the time came home and was like "WTF?!!?"  I absolutely, without a doubt, am terrified of clowns.  They are not cute or funny people!  They will kill you in your sleep...hello, Pennywise, Twisty...KILLER CLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE!

Sam is my spirit animal...he gets its!

 

Look, I love me a good horror movie but put a clown in it and I am reduced to a quivering mess.