2+1=4

So I pay fairly close attention to what I buy...frugal or whatever.  We got new phones.  As I am sure everyone knows phones no longer come with a brick.  

You get the cord but no brick.  So when we got home I ordered a 2 pack of bricks to fit the new USB-C cords.  

So we have the 2 cords that came with the phone and 2 new USB-C bricks I bought from Amazon (NOT branded Apple).  A few weeks later I got a new iPad.  

The iPad comes with a cord AND an Apple branded brick.  

Some time has passed and I am sitting at the kitchen table.  Hubs says "Oh this must be your iPad brick.  Its heavier and is branded apple".

I was confused.  I swore my iPad was plugged in...in the other room with its charger.  Maybe I grabbed the wrong one. 

The next day I am standing at the counter and pick up one of the two bricks to put it away and it's heavy and has apple on it so I put it down and pick up the other.  It's also heavy and apple branded. WTF. 

I put them next to each other and sure enough they are both heavy duty and Apple.  I KNOW I did not buy any additional apple bricks. Mainly because I am cheap and I can get like 4 off brand for the same price of one Apple. 

Thinking I lost my mind I went look at my order and sure enough I didn't order anything Apple branded.  

We found the two bricks I bought (Ocupwei).  So now we have 4. Two Apple, Two Non-Apple but I only bought the two non-apple and one Apple came with my iPad.  

HOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  Are they like Gremlins, if you get it wet they multiply????? Where did the other Apple Brick come from!!??!?!?!?

Top two Amazon....bottom two Apple..... and yes they are all USB-C which we didn't have before

A life not lived

I know I have intense dreams but this one was different.  This one felt a little too real.  

I was in college and I met this guy.  It was a whirlwind romance and we ended up getting married after graduation.  He was my current husband but in reality we met much later in life. 

We went though all the things.  Laughter, love, hardships, etc.  After multiple miscarriages we finally had a baby. We lived in a two story house near my parents.  It was very bright, lots of windows and light colors.  We were happy. 

I remember all the 1sts of our baby boy.  His name was Adam.  His crawling, walking, talking, 1st day of school.  I remember ALL OF IT.  We went through the milestones but also the little things.  I remember scrapped knees and sleepless nights.  I remember pets from babies to death and explaining to him death.  I remember vacations to the beach, the mountains, EUROPE (I’ve never been to Europe…but I have a distinct visual of a museum). 

I remember my parents.  Most of all my mom….she wasn’t like she is in reality.  She didn’t listen to my grandparents and was actually happy with her life. We all grew older. He went away to college.  I experienced empty nesting.  We went on lots of vacations. He would visit during semester breaks.  

We grew older together.  He lived out of town.  One day he came home unexpectedly.  He was making microwave Mac and cheese just like he did when he was a teenager.  He told us me met a girl and he was going to ask her to marry him. 

I remember being so happy.  I remember crying.  I remember the wedding.  And then I woke up.  I woke up and wondered what Adam was doing. Then I got really confused and realized it was 6AM and I needed to get up for work soon. 

I spent the whole day in a daze wondering about this “dream”.

I lived a whole @$$ life in one night.  I didn’t type all the details but I can picture every piece of the kitchen.  I remember going into labor and being rushed to the hospital. The blue dress I wore to his wedding.  My graying hair that actually looked kinda of nice.  

The mind is a crazy thing.  How can it create such a vivid fake reality.  How can I feel like we had a kid who grew up and did wonderful things when we were never able to conceive?!?!  I don’t know what it feels like to birth a baby but I have a very vivid dream memory of the pain, fear, joy, exhaustion. 

I don’t know what to make of this but it’s weird as heck and I needed to write it down.  

Ma'am, it is not spooky season yet!

Short post.....

Went get food.  

Came home to nervous puppers.  It's hard to explain, they weren't scared but they were acting weird. 

That's when I realized I smelled...perfume.  

Not anything I wear or any scent I have in my house. 

Like...your stereotypical old lady florally perfume but not overly offensive.  

I literally stopped in my tracks because where is it coming from. 

So I walked to the kitchen to put down my food. 

The dogs were better once I was there.

I went back to the front and the scent was still there but ONLY in my office.  

So I said "I don't know who is here but if you have good intentions, thank you for visiting". Because honestly I had no idea what else it could be. 

The scent slowly faded away.  

So what was it?  A spirit or an olfactory malfunction?

Who the f**k am I connected to?!?!?

I'm think I've mentioned before I am an empath.  I didn't know what it was until I was older.  I just thought I was "emotional" but after talking to an old friend of mine she pegged it.  

I feel people's....feelings.  I know a lot of people think that is rubbish but its real.  I get so overwhelmed by other people's emotions sometimes.  Its very obvious its not my reaction but I just...feel it.  With some its stronger than others.  I don't know if they "project" more or I tune more into them or some combination of things.  

For a few months now I've had intense random emotions.  That makes me sound like looney but I don't mean like something is mentally wrong with me.  It's really hard to explain.  

I was on my way home from a conference (driving).  I was listening to music and just having my own personal concert on my drive home.  It was a whirlwind couple days with my friend I've mentioned before and a new friend and a ton of other business related persons I don't see often but as always a lot of fun so I was decompressing. 

I was fine all day (also very distracted all day).  But from the moment I left the hotel around 4PM Central I had a knot in my chest that would come and go.  I kept saying maybe it was too much caffeine and lack of sleep.  But it felt different.  Like you know that intense feeling like when you have strong feelings for someone and you haven't seen them in a while or you see them again after a while.  Either way it's just so strong it almost hurts.  

So I started shuffling songs around and singing more.  I tried a podcast but I couldn't focus on it...my mind was wandering too much.  It would come in waves.  Just intense, longing maybe and happiness and a little sad but happy sad.       

Anyways, around 8PM Central...I was about maybe 10 min from my house when "Say you won't let go" by: James Arthur shuffled on my Pandora.  Now I have heard this song I'm sure 100+ times since it released.  I can sing almost every word.  It has NEVER affected me in any way except evoking my amazing karaoke skills!

But that feeling came back ten fold.  A swelling knot was building in my upper chest and I started crying.  Not sobbing or sad, but tears were freely flowing down my face.  It wasn't a bad feeling at all.  I felt all warm and happy inside but the tears kept coming.   

It didn't feel like a me emotion.  It was the absolute strangest feeling.  And the only other times something that intense has happened, there was another person near me.  But I was alone in my car and there weren't any other vehicles around me.  

So I googled it....and yes I know you can't believe everything on the interwebs buuuuut. 

"An empath can potentially feel the emotions of someone who isn't physically near them, especially if they have a strong emotional connection with that person, which is sometimes referred to as "simulpathity" in psychological terms; however, this is not a scientifically proven phenomenon and the intensity of such feelings may vary greatly between individuals."

Ummm come again?!?!  So in theory...someone I am deeply connected to, projected such a strong emotion, I felt it even though they weren't there???? But who and why...? Was it all f**king day and I just didn't realize what was happening because I was talking to so many people?!??!!  

I checked with family and friends I am close to and obviously hubs but no one seemed off so I have no idea WTAF is going on.  But I am starting to think I have a very strong connection to someone "new-ish"...I say that because its been happening since July, today was just insanely intense.  I think I have an idea of who it might be but I am not 100% they know and I don't want to freak them out. 

Kiss the girls with a dash of stockholm

I really do have vivid dreams sometimes....

The first thing I remember is waking up in a dingy, but bright luxury hotel room.  I feel woozy and can't focus on much but I remember lots of white decor and red roses in a vase.  My arms hurt and I am really really thirsty.  I hear a man's voice to my left but can't understand him.  As my brain tries to make sense of what is happening, I hear the voice again. "Aye lass, you finally joining the land of the living?" in a thick Scottish accent.  

Adrenaline shot through me and I realize my arms were tied above my head, I am on a bed, and am lacking much clothing so I'm very cold. I started to struggle but every movement caused a searing pain in my shoulders. *how long have I been tied up?!?* "Oi quit squirmin or ya may pop a shoulder".

I tried to relax but I was freaking out.  When I tried to talk my throat was on fire and I winced.  "That's whatcha get fer scremin lik a banshee".  I squeezed my eyes shut *This can't be happening*.  

I am in a bath washing off.  It hurts to move and the soap burns my cuts & scrapes, but I feel so unclean.  I was crying but not vocalizing.  I had a knot on the back of my head and a busted lip.  My eyes still can't focus well, but I know the tiles in the bathroom are turquoise. *what happened?!?*

My captor(?) comes in with a towel and says I've been in there long enough.  As I stood to get out the world went sideways and I started to fall.  He caught me before I hit anything, "Dun do that, now! Yer no gud to me dead." *What....?*

Its days(?) later and we are arguing.  He's yelling at me and calling me a "Numpty".  I'm yelling back, we need something other than Ramen Noodles and crisps!!! He's in my face and I finally register his look somewhat but still not clear.  I just can't see his features.  I know he's older, like later 50's maybe, gray/white hair cut short-ish, and he's tall...VERY tall. He finally concedes and leaves me locked in the room.  It's a gorgeous room but its a mess and seems small but not like a back highway motel.  

We are having dinner many days(?) later and its nice *wtf*.  We are eating on the floor from paper plates but its a steak dinner with wine.  Well I had wine he had something whiskey-esque...? His accent got thicker as he drank and he threatened me physically and verbally numerous times, grabbing my wrist roughly and shoving me while calling me all kinds of unsavory things.  He was passed out in a chair and I went to the bathroom to put on clothes that weren't Sexy Jammies so that I could escape.  I had the keys in my hand and was ready to steal his van.  But as I was about to leave I heard a voice scream in my head "Don't!!! He's not far gone enough and he will kill you."

Conflicted, I put the keys down and wandered over to him.  He grabbed my neck clumsily and asked why I put trousers on.  I croaked out I was cold and he threw me into a wall saying "Ye fecking c**t, yer lucky, damn lucky." and left. 

He's hurt, really really hurt and bleeding.  I don't know what happened but I'm...worried *WTF*.  He was struggling to dress his seeping wounds.  I started helping.  He screamed at me to "feck off" and I yelled back at him to shut up! So he let me take care of him.  After cleaning and dressing his more serious wounds, I was cleaning a gash on his forehead, he angrily asked me why I didn't let him just f**king die.  I couldn't answer because I should just let him bleed to death. "I....I don't know."

And that's when he gently touched my face *what?!?*. I could feel him staring at me. I was trying to really focus on the gash and not his piercing gaze. Once I had the butterfly suture things on and bandaged I sat back and realized he was still staring at me.  He seemed conflicted...scared and confused, like no one had ever shown him compassion before. 

We are lying facing each other in the bed, holding hands. We are clothed and he's still staring and caressing my hair. He kissed me gently on the lips. *gasp* Then on the forehead. "Oh love, I am so so sorry."

That's it....it ended....I woke up to crashing thunder and no power....

The * are my thoughts, not said out loud. Please forgive my weird "Scottish" typing...I'm sure its not accurate but the best I can figure. I think he was conjured from a character in a book I'm reading, although that character isn't a bi-polar abductor just an old angry Scotsman. 

How early, is too early?!?

There is nothing worse than being awoken by your dogs growling and aggressively barking at 4AM.  I jumped up out of a dead sleep.  They were losing it at the door to our room.  The hubs had worked late so I decided to get up to investigate. 

I let them out to attack whatever they thought was in the house.  I assumed they were barking at the cats.  Except they didn't go past my living room.  Normally they do a lap around the house....

So I walked out further.  I had a HORRIBLE buzzing in my ears and they were still going ape$hit.  Not just barking...it was really a protective thing happening.  I realized I still had my ear plugs in so I took them out but the noise didn't change.  I was still half asleep and thought the weird noise was coming from the nightlight in our kitchen. Mainly because the dogs were barking in that direction and that made sense to my sleep addled brain.

As I started to walk towards it Speedy grabbed and pulled my hand. WTF Dog?!?!?  They were still barking like crazy.  But I kept walking, Lil bit was biting at my ankles.  Speedy kept grabbing my hand and getting in front of me. 

A fully awake person would have realized they were trying to stop me from walking into the kitchen.  But I was still half asleep and getting annoyed.  I got to the night light and unplugged it. haha, success!!!

The noise didn't stop and the dogs were still barking.  I was staring blankly at the light like, why are you still buzzing, I UNPLUGGED YOU!

Finally my irritation bubbled over and I yelled "Can everyone please shut up!!!"  Immediately the noise stopped and both dogs stopped barking. 

At this point I woke up enough to realize how f**ked up that was. 

I looked around, promptly headed back to bed with the pups, and put my earplugs back in.  I did NOT go back to sleep.  Hubs mumbled "is evey thing okay?"  and I said "nightlight".  I stared at the ceiling waiting for the buzzing to come back or the dogs to bark.  Thankfully neither happened!

Paranoia is a mental illness...right?

Well its usually a symptom of a worse mental illness but.... 

I understand psychology.  I understand mental illness.  I understand things aren't easy.  I am very understanding and patient.  But its hard for me to wrap my brain around EXTREME paranoia. 

At some point in our lives we all get a little paranoid.  In a person without illness its usually warranted.  Meaning something happened that made you, a logical person, think "Hmmmm, that's odd". 

WE HAVE ALL HAD THIS. And many times our suspicions are correct.  not always, sometimes we just look cookoo but whatever. 

What drives me a bit nuts is unwarranted extreme constant paranoia.  I try.  I really do.  But the triggers are so sensitive I don't know what to do.

Example, after two calls and three texts unanswered, concern turns into angry paranoia.  "I know they aren't answering me because they are mad because of _____". 

Something ridiculous that makes no sense but to them its the obvious reason they aren't responding.

I try to be the anchor.  I try to "talk them down" with logic.  Not being an @$$hole just offering an alternative explanation.  I am ALWAYS told I am wrong and I just don't understand.  And 99% of the time, I am right.

This is a minor example.  Things have gotten REALLY hairy in recent years, so I did some research.

"Symptoms of paranoia and delusional disorders include intense and irrational mistrust or suspicion, which can bring on sense of fear, anger, and betrayal. Some identifiable beliefs and behaviors of individuals with symptoms of paranoia include mistrust, hypervigilence, difficulty with forgiveness, defensive attitude in response to imagined criticism, preoccupation with hidden motives, fear of being deceived or taken advantage of, inability to relax, or are argumentative."

"It can be difficult to treat a person with paranoia since symptoms result in increased irritability, emotionally guardedness, and possible hostility. "

I can see that but I really really really think something is wrong but I don't know what to do.  Its gotten worse with age.  I'm not trying to make light of this...I'm really just at a loss. 

I mean they hold grudges (like 30+ year grudges).  Everyone is ALWAYS out to get them.  Nothing wrong in their life is their fault, its always someone else's fault.  Anyone that disagrees is "working against them" in order to "prove they are incapable of *pick something*"

I'll figure something out... I am just so tired....

In today's issue of What the f**k is happening....

I saw this:

Link

So let me get this straight.  You created an ad that, like a pregnancy test, can tell if you are pregnant.  Therefore revealing a coupon for a crib.  Okay.  Right.  There has got to be a better way to do this!!!!!  Because after pissing on this you have to bring it to the store to use the coupon.  I'd hate to be the cashier getting handed a bunch of pee soaked coupons.  Just the levels of gross.  Y'all!!!! I know its only in Sweden now but...ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  Do y'all hate your employees?!!?!?

A close second WTF was this (not gross):

Is this for real?!?!?!  First of all those are two very conflicting things.  Frozen vs Hot....we are talking opposites here.  Did you miss that day in kindergarten???

This exists...the word you were looking for is Milkshake.  Or McFlurry, Frosty, DQBlizzard, etc.  Just make it with Chocolate ICE CREAM or chocolate syrup or whatever!

May the force be with you

"And also with you"...wait...

Moving on...this isn't about "The Last Jedi", so have no fear..but if you haven't seen it. GO SEE IT!

Its back.....

I have seen this way too many times on my FB wall.  I thought it was a "haha".  It is not a "haha".  Okay for some its a "haha" but most...no "haha".  Most I am seeing don't get the f**king joke and are putting #praisejesus. 

THAT IS NOT A REPRESENTATION OF JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That isn't your lord and savoir...that is a Jedi Master (a very attractive Jedi Master) and he's our only hope.

No, ok.  I finally said to one via private chat (because I'm not a complete @$$hole), "sweetie...that's Obi-wan Kenobi".  Hand to god, she said "Is he a Saint?".

You're kidding...Right.  No...okay, so not everyone is a fan of Star Wars but "is he a Saint"?!?!?!?  I mean what kind of Catholic are you!?!?!?!!? "Is he a Saint".

What's crazy is in like 500 years (if we don't kill ourselves off first) this WILL be a standard picture of Christ and I just think that is the funniest thing EVER.  A picture of a fictional character will be seen as the Messiah.  I think there is a joke in there somewhere.  You heard it from me first (I think)...some troll created a Meme that will one day be seen as a representation of the son of God.
 

No, yea I am 100% positive I've never searched for a penis elongator....

So I thought those "sponsored ads" on FB were supposed to be related to your google searches or purchases or whatever.  Because the ones I got the other day were far from anything I have EVER searched. 

Imagine my surprise when I was scrolling and I saw this....

At first I was like its a back brace...then I looked closer.  WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?!?!?! 

And it CLEARLY has a weighted something tugging on it.  Conclusion...I don't know why is this in my Facebook feed?!?!  And why are my friends "liking" this page!?!?!? What is this store?!?!

So I swiped left to see what else this f**ked up store had "suggested" for me ...I don't know why I do this to myself....

That is obviously someone with their pants pulled down.  I know I know they are trying to show the fleece lining and I might have googled something like this but there are WAY BETTER WAYS to illustrate that..... just saying.  Next...

Can you see it?!?! Here look closer so you can be horrified like me!!!

What....why....OMG....what is that for...?
ya know what don't answer that...
wait, is she putting a thumb in the butt!?!!?!

*sobbing*

But wait there's more...

What is that?!?  Is that a poopy potty?!?!  I see baby butt...can't we just use diapers....?

I can't stop myself...what else is there?!?

Oh...okay...whew the small picture shows it as an "Exhaust Plug"

But...but lets get real...that's.....that's for Butt stuff isn't it....I just saw an over-sized ribbed butt plug.  And if it isn't, can you blame me for thinking that after the other f**ked up pictures I just saw?!!?!?!

One more swipe....

OMG something I did actually google!!!!!!!  More than SIX pictures in...yes there were other weird products but nothing as weird as these...why why why why why why why why....

And no, I swear I have never searched for ANYTHING that should have shown me any of those other pictures....besides the leggings...I am thoroughly confused and concerned....

I dressed up as The Doctor and now my soul belongs to Satan

Look I'm not really one to be like "your beliefs are stupid" but sometimes I see (or am told/TAGGED IN) $hit and just want to throat punch people.

LINK

Right...okay.  What?!?!!?!? Also, stop tagging me in this stuff!!!!!

If you don't want to celebrate Halloween, that's fine.  But stop with the stupid.  Halloween is not a satanic holiday.  If the church of Satan uses it as a holiday they "stole" it from earlier religions/traditions ...just like CHRISTIANS "stole" the winter solstice...also known as Christmas...from earlier Pagan religions. 

Again, if this is your belief I guess that's fine but stop telling me that because I celebrate my FAVORITE holiday I am not Christian and stop telling me my littles are being opened to demons because little Suzy dressed up as f**king Cinderella!

"We think because we are not performing any demonic rituals or human sacrifices that we are on safe ground, but did you know that as soon as you dress up, whether you color yourself or put on a costume, the enemy owns you? Because by doing so, you have turned over your legal rights, and you have dedicated yourself and your kids to celebrating the devil's holiday. "

What?!?! Are you saying I signed some divine LEGAL contract at some point and celebrating Halloween negates it?!?!? I don't think that's how this works....

Here's my take on it.  This person is a troll.  Like the ultimate troll.  How can I make already hyper paranoid Christians bat$hit...I know lets tell them if they put kids in Costume on one specific f**king day of the year, they're turning them into devil worshipers *pahahahahaha*.

Riiiiiight...*rolling eyes*.

"As devil worshippers, Halloween was very special to us, and we looked forward to celebrating it because we knew the implications and the dark power behind the night."

This is f**king dumb.  There is no special freaking demon power on Halloween.  It is an end of harvest festival that can be traced back to Celtic and Gaelic folk traditions. 

Here is where I think all the crazy BS comes in.  "it was seen as a liminal time, when the boundary between this world and the Otherworld thinned.  The souls of the dead were also said to revisit their homes seeking hospitality."

So a combination of OLD traditions.  Traditions that existed BEFORE CHRISTIANITY combined with new traditions created the holiday we now call Halloween.  

Tell me again how I am worshiping Satan if I am a f**king minion on Halloween and hand out candy to cute little kids who are having fun? 

But wait there's more! "The only harvest we celebrate is the harvest of souls.  For many who celebrate Halloween, that celebration carries over to Nov. 1, which is also known to some as the Day of the Dead, or All Saints' Day, but there is nothing holy about it—it is demonic."

Really...you are telling me ALL SAINTS' DAY...the day we (well some of us) visit the graves of our dead relatives and friends to leave flowers is...demonic...?  "We have a picture in our minds that it seems holy, but there is nothing innocent about it. " Uh huh.... 

No!!!!!  It is a day of f**king remembrance.  We REMEMBER those who have gone to heaven...recognized Saints and those not recognized.  We aren't performing some ritual to bring our friend back as a f**king zombie.   

Ya know what, its fine don't celebrate Halloween or All Saints' Day for that matter...more candy for me and less people when I leave flowers.  

This is how crazy happens!  Seriously, the devil is not hiding in a Holiday.  If you believe in Lucifer then you should also believe that he is always there tempting you.  He doesn't pop out on f**king Halloween and say "Ahhhahahahaha, you dressed your child as a sock monkey, his soul is now mine".  

Sorry, this stuff just makes me irrationally angry...

Calm down there, Hannibal

Went get lunch...almost became lunch....

Me: *standing in line being oblivious*
Guy: You smell delectable
Me: *trying to ignore the conversation behind me*
Guy: *tap tap* Seriously what is that scent, I could devour you
Me: *wtf* *turn around* Excuse me?
Guy: Sorry but whatever your wearing smells so incredibly tasty
Me: *blushing* Right...um its an oil perfume I just got as a sample...

Guy: *looking dazed* What scent is it?!

Me: Uhhhh I...don't....know...I remember something about pomegranates and marshmallows...
Guy: Since I can't eat you, guess I'm getting pomegranates and marshmallows for dinner

Me: *jaw drop* what?!

Guy: No...wait...no...sorry....
Me: Its...wow...ok....*hysterical laughter*
Guy: *beet red* Jesus...seriously...sorry!!! 

I ordered my food and went and hid in the corner until it was ready....

What just happened?!?!?  What is in my new perfume...?!?!?  Who says that?!?

I really don't think he was hitting on me intentionally.  I don't even think he realized what he was saying...maybe...was I being punk'd?!?!!?

SIDE NOTE - this was paraphrased but you get the gist and he truthfully was CREEPY about it!