I mean it's clear like water

So we are in our reconnect with our High School Friends era.  Which honestly is f**king great.  I love it.  

Every year there is an event (chicks only) where everyone gets together from all years and throws down.   It's a great time. 

There's food, drinks, talking, pics, dancing...everything. 

I am a seasoned adult...as in I know how much I can/should drink.  But sometimes...you forget that just because it's clear doesn't mean you can drink multiple glasses of it!

We had a great time.  My glass was never empty...the problem was it wasn't water...it was vodka tonic. 

We talked for hours, dropped it like it was hot and took the most ridiculous pics and videos.  We even went OUT after.  What the actual hell were we thinking?!?!!?

Anyways I was fine...until I wasn't.  I was fully functional all night after multiple drinks...until the car ride home.

I wasn't like "I'm gonna vomit" bad but when I got out the car...the world went sideways. 

I'll show you in gifs. 

So I ended up with a busted knee.  Bleeding like a stuck pig. My drunk @$$ besties laughing their @$$e$ off as they try to stop the bleeding. My friends boyfriend coming out and being like "she good...ok going back to bed".  We were laughing so hard because it wouldn't stop bleeding!!!!!  Too much alcohol + scraped knee = murder scene. Hubs picked me up and asked me what happened.  I literally said "well I got out the car and then there was the ground"

Lawd help him, he loves me hahaha.  

This is why we cant have nice things

This is long, buckle up!  So I just watched “People we meet on vacation”.

Adorable movie!  I know it was based on a book and people who read it had mixed feelings.  But overall it was a cute movie with fun characters, funny moments, and a decent story. 

My annoyance comes from the trope of Best Friends to Lovers. I get it…I know that happens.  And people are always like “ruin the friendship”. “Best friends make the best husbands/wives”.  “Don’t live with regrets”.

I hate all of this.  Not because I don’t believe you shouldn’t be besties with your sig other but because this thought process damages the actual PLATONIC opposite sex friendships.  The stigma in everyone’s head is “well boys and girls cant be friends because they will hook up”

Girls wont trust a girl bestie with their husband and guys wont trust a guy bestie with their wives.  Jealousy happens, accusations happen, and friendships are ruined.  I’ve lost numerous male friends because their girlfriends or wives were convinced we were either hooking up or going to at some point.  Like no ma’am, we have been friends for 20+ years we aren’t like that.

But these movies show the end of committed relationships so the “friends” can be together.  I think the issue comes in that people don’t know the difference between romantic love feelings and platonic love feelings.  I love my friends but I don’t LOVE them that way.  Does that make sense??  

Yea yea sometimes it’s unrequited love or whatever but maturity also plays a part.  thinking you “love” someone but they love you like a friend you have a choice to make.  Keep perusing them and lose the friendship or remember WHY you are friends in the first place and preserve that.  

Maybe I am wired different but I can look at my guy friends and be like they are attractive and I love them without being like let’s hook up.  I love their companionship more than anything.  We are all happily married and want our spouses to be friends.  

Like get out of your hormones and be a f**king adult.  Or better yet encourage your kids to be friends with everyone.  If you son has a girl bestie don’t be like “oooooooo your girlfriend, ooooooo kissy kissy” and same if your daughter has a guy bestie.  We are the problem.  We put that stigma on them before they even understand sexual relationships.  

My point is I had a guy bestie…since Kindergarten!  We literally stayed friends through college.  Was I his date to a couple dances when he didn’t have a GF, yes. Was he mine when I didn’t have a BF, yes. But we were JUST FRIENDS.  No flirting, no hanky panky, none of that.  We had so much fun because were were literally just really good friends. 

In college my VERY jealous boyfriend thought for sure I was cheating on him with my friend.  Then he met him…and was like “wait I like this dude”.  EXACTLY!  He is a nice guy and not a threat to you my dear. 

But alas life happened.  We took a pic at graduation and soon his fiancé didn’t want us to be friends.  She gave him an ultimatum.  I wouldn’t expect him to choose me.  I was a little hurt but I am used to it by now.  

But what if we as a society didn’t put that stigma on KIDS.  What if we didn’t beat it into people that if you don’t have the same genitalia friendship is impossible??? What if we let them organically be friends and if things went to romance whatever but if they didn’t it is OKAY to just be f**king friends!!!!

I love my friends, male/female/non-binary/whatever!!  I don’t care what you have/don’t have in your pants or who you are attracted to.  If we click we click.  I can have a deep emotional bond with someone without it being sexual!!!!!!!!!!

I think this also goes back to the saying “emotional affairs”. That term gets thrown around a lot!  Because if you have a connection with anyone except your sig other and they happen to be of the opposite sex it seems to always be deemed an emotional affair.  Here’s the thing…stop doing that!

An emotional affair means you are seeking attention affection outside of a committed relationship because you are not getting what you need from it. Yea don’t do that!  Talk with your person.  Don’t use another to get what they aren’t giving in your relationship. Either work on the ship or end it.  

But Texting/hanging out with someone because you have common interests and are FRIENDS is not a f**king emotional affair.  If you went out with the girls would anyone say anything?!?! NO! So stop with the stigma.  Now if you are hiding something, bad on you. 

But I for one am tired of people being like “Oh you hung out with another guy?!?!?!  What would your husband think?!?!”  Listen judgy McJudgerson 1. He is fully aware of where I am and who I am with. 2. He knows this person also. 3. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Now I am not texting/calling these people at all hours of the night and nothing inappropriate.  I treat them like one of my girlfriends and they treat me like one of the guys.  I just wish as a society we could recognize that this is normal and not some scandalous thing that will result in the Friends becoming an item….

Rant over…I just want to not lose my friends because of this bull$hit!

Jazzland the Resurrection....???

The other dream jumped here.  I was driving around SE LA with work bestie and my twin besties.  Apparently they were along for the ride (?).  

It was a small old model Ford car and while I know it was daytime, everything was muted.  Like colors weren't as vibrant.  I don't know if it was over multiple days or not but I know we  met with a few people but it was only like 10:00AM and our next meeting wasn't until 2:30PM so we had some time to kill. 

Of all the places for us to be having meetings...we were in New Orleans East (WTAF).  One of the twins suggested we go to Jazzland to kill some time.  Ya know the NOLA Themed Amusement Park that was sold to Six Flags and has been defunct and abandoned since Katrina!!!

Except in my dream it was still open so we got a day pass.  As we walked through the gates everything turned vibrant.  Picture Wizard of Oz when Dorothy goes from Kansas to Oz.  It wasn't too crowded but had a lot of people for a middle of the day weekday.  So we were walking around and work bestie was like this place is small but really neat.  

The twins beelined it for a "haunted egyption" ride and me and bestie wandered to another area.  He nudged me to look at a "Top Gun" ride that launched you up a zip line like a fighter jet.  It was a two person single car thing and made the jet noises.  But I ended up walking over to this slide thing.  Like you got in a inner tube type thing and loop de looed all over the place.  No shoes of course so we removed our shoes and went up. I somehow got tangled in the crochet tube (WTF) and went down weird but it was super fun.

When I got to the bottom the twins were waiting and like "where are your shoes" so we went on the hunt for them.  They weren't in lockers....the were like tossed around in what looked like a living room.  I was panicking because I really liked my shoes.  Then I found them... they were my Doc Martins.  Why I would be wearing those for work meetings is beyond me.

I put them on and we realized we lost Bestie.  It was early afternoon and we needed to get to the next meeting.  But instead of them herding us (like a huge group of people) back into the park, we were herded into like a banquet hall and a private party was happening so they herded us down a barely lit hallway that reminded me of the Haunted Mansion or tower of terror ride and before we knew it we were outside the gates. 

I managed to keep track of the twins but we needed to find my friend.  So I tried calling but couldn't get him.  This was weird.  Like I knew something was very wrong because he wouldn't just leave us.  They wouldn't let us back in even with the day pass armband so we had them page him over the PA.  And I remember saying "oh he's gonna love that!".  

Hours went by and he didn't show and I was freaking out a little and so were the twins.  After nightfall they were doing some sort of show that reminded me a bit of Halloween Horror Nights.  Like we could see the pyrotechnics and hear the actors from outside.  Finally around 8PM we snuck in with another group to go find him.  The twins kept saying "he wouldn't just leave us!".  

I ended up in some theater with a bunch of people looking at a stage.  I honestly don't know what happened but they started screaming and a hand would burst from their lower abdomen/pelvic area and slap their stomach.  Then a brand that looked like a clawed hand would appear.  I have never run so fast in my life.  What in the devil worship insanity is happening?!?!?!

I ran into the haunted egypt ride and was being chased by these people with brands yelling for me to join them and hissing (WTAF).  I don't know what happened but something occured in the egypt ride and a "higher" being poured blood over me and crowned me queen.  That's when I saw the twins and they both had smaller crowns and lace (?) dresses.  The blood turned into an intricate design of a dress and streaked my hair with red highlights.  The higher being looked like princess Diana but with dark makeup and a fitted to flowing black and red gown.  

She said we needed to leave now and at this point I was almost in tears, I can't find my friend!!!! She looked at me and said she had saved someone from the branded group...a sacrifice.  She "anointed" him something but he was not very cooperative.  They brought him out in chains. It was bestie.  He had a black eye and a gash on his head.  His long sleeve button up was torn from the shoulders so it was sleeveless and he also had the "blood designs" on him.  He looked ready to murder someone until he saw us.  Lots of hugs and OMG are you okays later and we were being escorted out of the park by the higher being and her entourage.  She was talking about how she was so happy she was able to ascend the queen (what?!).  And I was like "what about the other chick that ascended???"  

This made the higher being freeze.  She said "what other chick?".  I explained that during the branding in the theater another woman was on stage and they were crowning her because I was running away. She started laughing but like a "are you f**king kidding me" laugh.  Then she said "you must leave now. Another queen should not have been crowned.  You and your knight are in danger".  Knight?!?!!?!?!?

So we head to the rental in an EMPTY parking lot.  Where the f**k is everyone?!?! The twins are like "are we royalty now???  What the f**k just happened???".  Its insanely late and pitch black.  Like almost no lights except the moon. He gets the car started and the green lights on the display say 2AM.  We were in there 6 hours....how??!!?  

Then bestie in his truest fashion goes "I don't know...but I am really pissed we missed that only happens every 7 years meeting".  What?!?!?!  1. He's not even been with our company 7 years! Hell, I just made 7 years!!!! and 2. did you forget about the sacrifice blood magic queen and knight thing?!?!?!

Never go into the dark woods

I am 99% sure we were at my friend's dad's camp in the dream but it also seemed like a campground we have all been to many times..

It was a HUGE plantation style house and my whole friend group with spouses plus our tall blonde with the camp were staying. The house was at the edge of a lagoon.  And all around the lagoon was a pebbled concrete path that reminded me a bit of a park.  

It had so many rooms.  It wasn't really an open layout there was a door to each room whether it was bed, living, kitchen, den, dining, etc. each had a door.  And there was lots of...stuff.  Like decor...it looked very well loved.

The weather was bouncing between sunny and storming.  I know it jumped around a few days because I remember one night when it was storming and I couldn't find my way around.  Like the lights were on and I was in a room at the top floor trying to get down and all the hallways just kept going.  So I stopped and went on the wrap around balcony and it was so dark but the moon was peaking through the clouds. 

Then I was laying out by the water...on the concrete when my PnC came out with a cocktail and was like why do you only have 6 Nutrls we are going to be here for 8 days or something like that.  So one of my twins was like let's go to the store and see what we can get you. 

So we went in to change.  While we were inside the water got "rough" and the other twin was pickup our stuff because the water was coming over the edge of the walkway.  We went to leave and I had on the jankiest flip flops that felt like they were about to snap and running shorts.  As we walked out tall blonde came in and I realized I really hadn't seen her.  She was staying in the master bedroom.  She kinda zoomed past with a quick hey and closed the door which then seemed to pull really far away down a hall.  

Note - I feel like this means something other than weird brain dream as she has in reality pulled away from everyone and we never see her. 

Anyways me and one twin started walking INTO THE WOODS to get to the store and were talking about how we should do this more often.  It wasn't terribly hot but the woods looked dark, like unaturaly dark. And I felt like we really shouldn't go in there.  Like as we walked into the canopy I was getting very nervous. 

Then it switched.  

I don't like you like that!

Ugh!  Why people gotta make $hit complicated.  I am not complex.  If we click we friends.  I am capable of being friends with people of all varieties.   I don't care what you look like, your gender, your sexual preferences, etc.  If we click we click dammit!

And just because we click doesn't mean it has to be sexual!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  Can I just tell you how many guy friends I've lost because they either can't look past the sexual attraction aspect OR their sig others are like "oh nah ah you can't be friends with a female!"  I am not like that.  Maybe I am naive but I am not gonna be like "you can't talk to your bestie because she's female."  Now if you are always texting her and not coming home, I'ma have an issue but having a bestie of the opposite sex isn't a threat to me.  

Moving on!  I have a new-ish male I consider a long distance bestie.  We've known each other maybe a year and half but we are basically the same person.  We think alike, we like the same things, and have the same dark sense of humor.  He is married, I am married...we have hung out in person a few times and we have NEVER looked at each other more than literal friends.  It's so awesome.  Like we just click.  

Anyways something changed and now I want to punch babies.  We were in person hanging out (with multiple other persons) but our spouses weren't there.  That night was stupid fun.  We laughed so much!  We were picking on each other, cracking jokes, and having an all around fun time.  We learned more about each others pasts and it was really freaking awesome!

The next day we are doing stuff and my guy FRIEND is being f**king weird.  Like weird weird.  Like he's about to jump out of his damn skin.  Bruh WTF?!?!  At one point we brushed arms in passing and he couldn't form a sentence and left the room. Like to the point that one of the other girls is like "um what's his deal?!?!"  

Later that night we go out again for dinner and he's like visibly uncomfortable.  So OF COURSE me the fixer is like pouring on the me charm like trying to make him as comfortable as possible and he seems to chill (Thank God!!!).  We start joking and talking and having fun.  After dinner he's like lets go get a drink. K cool yes.  So we think he's all good now.  

He goes to sit next to me and then like jumps up and practically runs to the seat across from me "WTAF".  So we order some beverages and try to talk but its super loud and he's across from us like a little too far to hear.  He's laughing at the rest of us because we are f**king funny when he gets a call.  He comes back in and has SHUT DOWN.  

The waitress comes back and he's like check please.  It was 7:30!!!! Ummmm what.is.happening??!?!

So we leave and me and another chick are like Da Fuq and are making jokes because that's what we do when our FRIENDS are being sticks in the mud.  Her and I end up going for more libations and he left.  But I was legit concerned I did or said something so I texted him to be like you ok and he was like yea of course we are fine! I could never be upset with you.

I AM MORE CONFUSED!!!!

The next day he's still being weird to the point where we were RAGGING on him because tell us what is wrong man!!!! Now granted when we parted ways he gave me the sweetest hug and was texting all of us later that night.  

For a few days communication was super weird.  Like he didn't know how to act with me and I was like OMG please dont do this!!! I don't want to lose another "friend" because you think I was hitting on you or am gonna try & sleep with you or you think you like me more than you should or something. 

Then suddenly all seems to be fine...I think.  But WTAF happened ?!!!?!?  Did he get inside his own head??!?!  Was he overthinking something we said or did!?!?!?  I try not to be an overthinker but like curiosity is killing me!!!  

I'm not gonna ask because he'll probably get weird again but like AHHHHHHHHHHH!

**UPDATE** I told my BFF (since we were like 5) the story and she thinks he either was overthinking how close we got or his sig other was like "who dis Bish?!?!"  Or I was "safe" until we were in person.  Like I am the long distance chick who is zero threat bc she's 1000 miles away and when we were in person he (or his sig other) got spooked since we didn't have 1000 miles between us.  I mean we have hung out in person before soooo.... I have no idea but I hope he's over it because I miss my friend!!!!!

I swear I didn't plan on getting sloppy

Ha...hahaha! Okay so not sloppy but definitely not good.  I don't drink terribly much and when I do it's just a couple.  But the other night...dear god what was I thinking??!?!!?

We went to dinner where I had 3 Old Fashioneds. THREE! I am buzzed from one usually so what possessed me to have 3 is beyond me...

But I did and I was fine. I know this because I had on 5" heels and managed to not fall on my face walking to the car on NOLA Potholed streets.  This is not easy sober so I am going out on a limb and saying the 8 course small plate meal was enough to mostly counter the effects of the 3 glasses of almost straight bourbon!

Then we went to a friend's house for after dinner board games and MORE Drinking.  WTF woman you are not 21 anymore!!! You cannot drink like that and be functional the next day.  Over there I had 3 glasses of wine.  THREE!  Along with chips, peanuts, and other random snackies.  Because the 8 course meal wasn't enough.

I remember saying it was time to head out. I don't remember leaving.  I don't remember the ride home.  I don't remember putting up my coat.  I don't remember feeding the dogs.  I don't remember laying down on the couch.  I don't remember ANYTHING after saying we should head home until 6AM when I woke up on the couch in my dress with makeup still on, a knotted mass of hair, and a cat on my chest.  

I waited for the pang of a headache, the nausea, the hangover...but nothing happened.  So I stripped down, put on a t-shirt and went to bed.  I woke up at 8:30AM and still no "hangover".  How is this possible?!?!?! I've had hangovers after drinking way less.  

The hubs was also past the 6 drink mark but he remembers everything, including me having a full conversation and passing out mid-sentence.  

He didn't have a hangover either.

Around 10:30AM I had a ridiculous craving for a burger, so we got lunch.  AFTER I ate the tell tale signs of nausea and just uncomfortableness kicked in but nothing bad and still no headache.   My only conclusion is I drank a ton of water at dinner, at my friends, and when I woke up at 6AM somehow saving me from a wicked hangover.  

I didn't feel great but at least I wasn't hurting for days like some people my age complain about after a night of binge drinking.  It was a lazy day after but the animals weren't complaining because we cuddled on the couches all day.  

Would you drink/eat something that makes you a little sicker everyday...?

If not then why DO something that can cause health issues overtime?  We all know stress can make you VERY sick...right? 

Well so can holding a grudge...right?

The amount of energy it takes to stay pissed off at someone is ridiculous.  I mean I am not a forgive and forget person if someone seriously hurts me but I also am not a 15 years down the road kinda person either. 

If you hurt me...like REALLY hurt me, I will distance myself for my own sanity.  I do forgive quick usually but I don't forget and am cautious.  With that said if someone is TRULY sorry, and proves that to me over time, we are cool.    Will I trust them 100%...probably not but I get over things...I don't waste my energy on hatred. 

Where did this come from?  Well I have an acquaintance who cannot fathom how I can stand to be in the room with another acquaintance. 

Backstory:  In 10 years ago a close friend of mine went through a thing.  This thing brought all kinds of skeletons out of the closet.  During this "thing" I learned that my close friend had been lying to me about a lot of things for 8 years.  ONe lie, lead to another lie, and so on and so forth.  I was friends with their spouse, auntie to their children, we hung out all the time!!!  And the lie was stupid.  It wasn't necessary...had I been told the truth from Day 1, I wouldn't have batted an eye but the compounded lie destroyed my trust.  How can you blatantly lie to someone you call your sister everyday for 8 years?!?!?!

Moving on, it took years for me to feel comfortable speaking to this "friend" when we saw each other.  I wasn't mean or hateful, just uncomfortable.  But eventually I realized they were honestly remorseful about what happened.  Basically the lie was told before we were close and the more time that went by it never seemed like a good time to come clean for fear of losing relationships which happened anyway but whatever. 

With this said it has been 10 years!  I barely hold a grudge for 10 minutes much less 10 years!  I am not one to keep reminding someone of their f**k up.  If you acknowledge it and apologize its done. Which is why it baffles me that this other person thinks I should still be harping on this 10 years later.  I don't care.  The past is the past, we have moved on, why can't you?  While this did affect person A, they weren't THAT close to person B so why the continued hatred?  Is it on my behalf?  If so, please STOP!  Holding on to something like that cannot be good for you!

I don't understand...maybe I am too forgiving but I'd rather focus my energy on happy times than dwell on the negative. 

Just my ramblings...*ugh* why isn't it FRIDAY?!?!?!

Well that's a new "insult"...

Sooooooa big pet peeve of mine is unnecessary nosiness. I am not talking about my friends/family grilling me about whatever.  I am talking about when people ask pointless, irrelevant questions and then use the answers to cause drama.

Since I am now aware of the BS questions, I call people out on them.  Not meanly but I say SOMETHING. 

For example:
A friend surprised us and came in town.  Few people knew about it.  She rode with one of the peeps that knew and surprised the rest of us.  I told someone about this happenstance.  But I left out who she arrived with, opting to just say "she surprised us by coming in and only Person A and Person B knew. "   The response wasn't "oh why was she in town?"  or "where is she staying?"  or anything that a normal f**king person would ask.  No the ONLY question asked was "Who'd she ride with?"  Ummmmmm why the f**k is that relevant?!?!?

But I knew why!  Because that was going to be used as a drama starting thing about why she rode with one versus the other and why no one else knew, even though I said "it was a surprise".  So I said "Hmmmmm what an odd question...she rode with Person B".

This opened up a CAN OF CRAZY. 

Them: Why is my question odd. It is a normal question?
 
Me: Well it doesn’t really matter to the story who she came with so i wasn’t sure why you were asking hence the “odd question”. 

Them: Why is it you are always picky with anything I say . I am afraid to say anything!!!!! Your ____ & family did that to me and s lot of people thought they were so rude. Why can't you just answer the question and not always finding fault with what I say or ask. You sounds like Hil Clinton.

Like Hil Clinton....uuuuummmmm.  I stopped replying...and not to be a complete $hit but I DID answer the stupid question...just saying *rolling eyes*.  Clearly I hit a nerve......ooops

When I said I thoguht the devil was cute, I was talking about the actor!!! Not the actual devil!!! Please remove this curse!

Right so in a previous post I was rambling on about my crush on "the devil" but not really the devil...an ACTOR playing him on a TV Show.  Apparently the part where I said "NOT ACTUALLY THE DEVIL" was lost when some of the divine were reading my blog and they decided to punish me.

We did a travel race recently and thought "whooohoo excuse for a girls weekend".

Everything was fine.  We had some adult beverages and decided to do a buffet for dinner.  Buffets are usually a waste on me because I don't eat THAT much but what the heck, why not...?

A few of us went straight for the snow crabs...mmmmmm snow crabs.  They were delicious.  There was also boiled shrimp, prime rib, calamari, oysters, clams, scallops, pad thai, sushi (um no thanks...buffet...just...no), etc etc etc.  We were having fun and chatting and drinking (water/cokes at this point).  30-45 min later everyone started eating dessert but I wasn't in the mood (this is normal...I don't eat many sweets).  Mid-sentence I got the absolute worst stabbing pain I have EVER had.  I literally just stopped talking.  Then it passed.  Okay...that was weird...moving on.  A few minutes later it happened again...lasted longer but then passed. "Hmmmm what is wrong with me...?" Attributing it to "NOLA Gurl never eats this much" I ignored it (bad idea).  It happened again...SO BAD I white knuckle gripped the table and closed my eyes.  I thought I was going to pass out from pain.  My friends were like...dude you okay?  No...no...I think...I think I need to pop off to the potty for a tic.  Everything I ate was just dying to make a reappearance.  They were all done so they opted to go back to the room with me before we headed to our next destination.

I wasn't dying but I felt...off...and I was terrified of what the next "knife in the gut, rolling nausea" pain would bring with it.  As we are going up in the elevator one of my other friends stopped mid sentence and bent over in pain..."Uh oh".  She did not fare as well as me with the "OMG someone is stabbing me from the inside" pain (told you I have a high pain threshold).  No...no...she was about to....have a moment in the elevator.

It was like a childbirth moment.  "Sweetie breathe, breathe.  Okay you are fine...you're fine", *crying out in pain*, "you've got this...just 3 more floors" *to the other friend* "get the key out, NOW!".  We couldn't run down the hall because...just trust me when I say, that would have been unwise.

We barely made it into the room.  While one of us "died" in the bathroom, the rest of us just hung out in the common area with the TV up loud, for privacy purposes. I was not doing well sitting there but we only had one bathroom...*deep breath* you can wait.  Suddenly you hear "y'all *gasp* I think I might be dying!"  

By this point I am sweating and pale. *whoosa, whoosa*

"I'm fine...feel great...yep..." Yea no!  She came out just in time for me to bolt in there, I couldn't "breathe" my way through the pain anymore.

After my friend's second bout of dying in the bathroom the following occurred:

Me: Okay, so we are, uh, staying in...good, that's good.
Friend 1:  I need pepto, *groan* flopping onto the bed
Friend 2: Yea, I think that would be wise, y'all don't look too good
Me: *taking off leggings to put on my PJs* Right, I'll text the others and...
*running with leggings around my ankles and just a cami* 
*tripping over the leggings* 
*slamming into the wall* 
*crawling into the bathroom* 
*barely made it to the toilet*

***5 minutes later*** 

Friend 2: NOLA Gurl, you need to get out the bathroom, NOW!
Me: *in a sing song voice* I caaaaaan't , I'm having issssuuuuuessss *stabbing pain* *gag* *groan*
Friend 1: I can't, I can't hold this in *starting to cry* it hurts so much
Friend 2: *screaming* NOLA Gurl, we have a PROBLEM!!!
Me: *dying* * just straight up dying*
Friend 2: Weeeeellll there is a trash can in here
Friend 1: Ha! *gag* *groan* don't make me laugh...
Me: *sobbing* it just...it just won't stop! 

This went on for hours.  It was like a gladiator match trying to get to the bathroom.

We cuddled with each other on the bed, moaning in pain, and watching videos on a phone until we fell asleep (sort of).  I mean who wants to fall into a deep sleep when there is a chance you could puke or $hit yourself before you get to the f**king bathroom 

So we are 99% sure we had some type of food poisoning but we can't figure out what we ate differently. 

UPDATE - we think it was the snow crabs.  They were dumping the fresh ones on top of the older ones...we think ours were from the bottom...who knows how long there were there...o_O

Its supposed to be 100% horribly wrong, politically incorrect, your ticket to hell...that is the POINT!

Alright, so over the various holidays we've played CAH (Cards Against Humanity) with a few different groups.  And I have to say with 100% certainty it is WASTED on some people.  If a card asks you "Something you do not want to find in your chicken lo mein" and your answers are pork chops (why?!?), menstrual blood, the remains of aborted fetus', pasta with meatballs (seriously WTF?!?!), Bill Clinton playing the saxophone naked (funny-ish), a piano playing Mozart (are you even trying?!?), fingernails.  What would you pick???

While I agree you probably don't want to find any of those in your chicken lo mein, the POINT of CAH is to pick the funniest, most off the wall one. Why would you pick pork chops?!?!?!  Why would someone play pork chops?!?!?!   That isn't funny.  I would have gone with "menstrual blood" or "the remains of aborted fetus'".  I know its up to the person who picked the black card but come on...work with us here.  And yes, I know sometimes you get a $hit set of white cards but TRY. 

Another one was "why can't I sleep at night", I don't remember all the white cards exactly but ... Date Rape, sparkledogs, black people, something about the degradation of the white race, Incest, something about Pac-man, and cum, or The primal ball slapping sex your parents are having right now.  They picked SPARKLEDOGS.  Are you f**king kidding me?!?!!?  There are so many better options!!!!

The ENTIRE game was like that on separate occasions with different groups.  It was like they were SCARED to be offensive.  It is supposed to be OFFENSIVE!!!!  Apparently I don't know many "horrible people".  So everyone got "bored". Of course you got bored.  You have to at least ATTEMPT to make it WRONG.  The game is only as funny/fun as the people playing. 

I tried so hard.  I played the most awful/disgusting/disturbing white cards I could.  Of course I didn't have a "good one" every time but I did try and my card was only ever picked by one of the two or three other players who CLEARLY understood the point was to be WRONG.  Thank God for Menstrual Rage (yay I won one!!!), now filed under things I never thought I would say.