Jesus take the wheel.....

Not like that, not like that!!!!

LINK

Can you imagine driving down the road and suddenly your wheel pops off...

Ok, ok, "Calmly" downshift and brake and AHHHHHHHHH!

Ya know what sing...just f**king SING!

Current mood....Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The "Screaming Goat" is my spirit animal so far this week.

The week after a holiday can be one of two things...INSANELY slow or chocked full of the most ridiculous issues that you consider drinking a bottle of wine EVERY NIGHT!

Mine is the latter. 

So to make myself happy, I'm looking at screaming goat videos and can't stop laughing.  They get me every time!

Although if I were to "scream like a goat" my husband/co-workers may have me committed....maybe...or maybe they'd just scream with me. 

OMG can you imagine a group of people just...

Maybe I drank too much wine....

I should go bug my husband at work....

You want to know why I hate watching the news?

Because every time I turn it on some f**k nugget kills a bunch of innocent people.  Whether its a bomb, a vehicle crashing into a crowd, a plane into a building, mass shootings...shall I keep going?

Its sick!  People are SICK.  Who the f**k purposefully kills children?!?!  Cowards!  Cowards kill children.  Actually cowards do all of the above. I hate this world!  I hate this so much.  Children DIED.  An 8 year old DIED!  No one deserves to die at the hands of another but she was EIGHT YEARS OLD.  What God would approve of this?!?  Quit hiding behind your radical religious/political bull$hit.  Cold blooded Murder is murder, and can't be justified.

War is one thing...fighting with armies, people who chose (usually) to fight is one thing...attacking innocent persons to strike fear into your "enemy"...there is a special place in hell reserved for you. 

I just watched this episode again the other day.  I hate how much it fits in this stupid world we've created.  Unfortunately you can't reason with crazy...crazy will never listen to anyone because in their minds they are right and justified therefore no one else matters.

My heart hurts for those people...for those families.  

Rant over...we will be back to our regularly scheduled goofiness tomorrow.

P.S. I saw that quote posted on Doctor Who Hub sending condolences to the families of the attack.  And like they said its scary fitting for the situation(s) happening all over the world.  So I wasn't claiming to have thought of it just used it as part of my own rant.  

Go home Mother Nature...you are DRUNK!

Southern States don't really have a true winter.  I mean like it gets cool...ish but rarely do we have Hard Freeze Warnings for the Entire state...especially the SE portion of it.  I mean it happens but its not often and when it does...if there is Ice/Sleet/Snow we can't function.  And its usually once in the season for like a day or two.

Thankfully this time the rain stopped BEFORE the temps dropped too much so the Ice/Sleet/Snow was not a factor for the most part. 

But you see I had races this weekend...BECAUSE I AM CRAZY.  I had to bow out of the one Saturday *whew* but Sunday I still ran. 

Now mind you when I checked the weather forecast on Thursday it said  "Saturday 39 with a windchill of 34" and "Sunday 43 with a wind chill of 38".  Okay that is f**king cold BUT we got this...right.  I checked it Friday evening and it said "Saturday 34 with a windchill of 28" and "Sunday 39 with a wind chill of 34"... 

I woke up Saturday morning...

WTF?!?!?  Glad I'm staying home...

You might be thinking that is just a thin layer of ice over water...NOPE!  It is a frozen solid 5" puddle (shut up that is significant down here).  I stood on it.  It cracked a little but it held my weight....So yea, I had on my heater but I also had on  leggings, sweat pants, two long sleeve shirts, and a sweat shirt.  I was still f**king cold...so I basically spent my Saturday under a blanket on the couch with two dogs and two cats huddled for warmth.  I am southern...I am not made for this!

From Hyperbole and a Half (not mine)

So Sunday I get up to run 5.59 miles and see this...

Oh come on now!  F**k you Mother Nature!!!  So yea I ran in this.  The issue isn't the running.  Once you get started (and can finally feel you feet), you warm up significantly.  The issue is when you stop.  Because when you stop, you are sweaty and its still below freezing.  So yea I froze my @$$ off waiting for my friend (which wasn't long) and froze further trying to get some Jambalaya and Beer.  I went home and took the hottest shower I could stand...it took me 30 minutes to warm up in the shower.  Basically I was a human Popsicle.

Yes yes yes I know other people run in sub zero Bull$hit and run in this type of weather all the time but as I've stated before...I.am.Southern....we aren't used to this.  I can handle a cool run but freezing...f**k that...BURR!

What sucks is because we were so cold after the race, I didn't get to go to WWNOLA this year *wah*.  I really wanted to do the autograph thing with at least Stephen Amell and/or Christopher Lloyd.

Because your insides will fall out, that is why!!!!!

"I'll take things my neighbor's have been hearing me scream for $1000, Alex"

Right, so we have a puppy.  Like a baby...well she was a baby when we got her...now she is..actually she is still a baby.  Anyways, she is old enough to be fixed so we did that...you know responsible pet owners and whatnot. 

Vet: Keep her calm.  No running, jumping, playing for 7 days
Me to Vet: Okay
Me in my head: how the f**k do you keep a lab/beagle puppy calm for 7 days?!?!?
Vet: Don't let her get at the incision
Me to Vet: Um...I need a cone then because she's crazy.
Vet: Don't get her wet
Me to Vet: Okay
Me in my head: What is she a f**king gremlin...also SE LA...its always WET!

We get home...she immediately jumps on the couch...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH no no no no no!!!!

So the cone of shame is going over so well...like she's not running in reverse trying to get away from it while screaming like a tortured baby.  No...not her...NEVER!

So we go get her a neck brace looking thing that is inflated.   Now she just looks like she wants to go swimming and is no longer screaming.  Score 1 for mom and dad. 

Not her but close

Over the course of 6 days:
She played
She ran
She jumped off the back of the f**king couch
And she was fine.  *whew*

We tried...she is just f**king crazy!  And we still have Speedy sooooo yea.  She needs a sedative!

The evening of day 6 (AFTER VET HOURS).  She somehow pops the neck brace...but its subtle so we can't tell. We realize it looks funny but its too late.  She managed to lick her incision.  She laid on her back and the two pieces of skin were gaping down the length of the whole incision.  Thank GOD she is mostly healed so it wasn't bleeding.  So I call the Em Vet and she's like I'm sure its fine.  Bring her in, I won't charge you to look at it. 

We get there "Ummmm I'm glad you brought her, we need to glue that back up".  

She didn't want to to sedate her again so a vet tech and my self restrained the INSANE pup while the Doc cleaned it, put antibiotics on it, and glued her back together.  Her new nickname is Humpty Dumpty.  

Meanwhile she literally screamed.  I've never heard a dog f**king scream but she did.  And then all 25 lbs of her kicked out one leg and threw a 4ft trash can across the room.  WTF dog. 

She's fine.  Back in the Cone and looking like a perpetually pissed off lampshade...

But she's fine.  Well except she is now in the cone for 5-7 more days...GREAT!

He's running for President?!?!? I thought he was "dead".....

I try to not be too political...too religious/anti-religious...too anything really.  I believe what I believe and if you believe differently, that's fine.  But somethings...I see them and I just want to Gibbs Slap people.

What the actual f**k?!?!!  I'll tell you what I'm gonna shout...go chomp on some arsenic...and for the love of whomever please don't vote...or reproduce...

Look I get it, our choices for the next president are pretty meh but REALLY?!?!?  Do you know how our electoral system works???  That's not how it works!!! You CANNOT VOTE FOR A DEAD GUY!  Even if said dead guy rose from the dead and went home only to be born again.  He might be our "only hope" (wait...I thought Obi-wan was our only hope...?) but he can't be President. 

Unless the second coming is happening this is STUPID!  Even if the 'second coming' is happening, he can't run...he's not a natural born citizen.  Well he is if he happens to be reborn here but I doubt any deity would want to come back as an American...especially not now.  Actually why would any deity want to come back period...our world is a f**ked up place.  Just keep your spot in the bleachers and watch this insanity unfold.

I get what they are trying to elude to but the "he has my vote" makes me want to run around screaming and throwing skittles at people.  No...just no...JUST NO!


Yes yes yes...a deity could just take over because powerful and whatnot but I am being literal...because its funny.

And that's how you realize you should have just stayed in bed

To say it has been a rough week is an absolute under statement.  Work is work is work.  Its been a rough week but whatever.  Add in crazy psycho weather with a dash of tornadoes and it gets worse.  Compound that with stupid f**king animal that decides the best way to remove an annoying growth is to chew it off and you start wondering what divinity you pissed off.

So work sucks.  Weather sucks.  House looks like a murder scene and now dog needs surgery...SUCKS!  But I was coping.  Then I got to work today and went to use the facilities.  I almost started crying...almost.  Instead I started laughing hysterically and couldn't stop.  We are talking full blown gut aching laughter complete with silent laugh and clapping.  God help me I have lost it.

Why, is probably the question you are asking. Why would I lose it laughing in the ladies room of all places.  And no it isn't anything gross.  You see we recently moved, right?  Well in the move we went from the Taj Mahal to Taj Mah-what the f**k.  Meaning the place we moved into was a bit below our normal standards.  Everything is "cheap".  I am not being snobby, you can do cheap and still have nice.  This is cheap...like falling apart cheap or non-functional cheap.

Side Note - There were SPIDERS in my office!  I do not fear spiders but I do not like them hanging out above me watching me work!!!  I've heard of an angel on your shoulder but a spider...no thank you!  And...AND there were mouse traps everywhere!!!  What kind of dirty @$$ people worked here?!?!?!?

One of the cheap items is a toilet paper holder in the ladies room. This is no ordinary holder.  My holders at home are nothing fancy...BUT THEY WORK.  This was one of those ones that only has the two arms that "grip" the TP, without the spring loaded tube in the middle.  The problem is this one is jacked up and doesn't grip correctly.  Meaning when you tried to get TP it either gave you one square at a time or wouldn't move or would come lose causing you to spastically catch it while trying to maintain your dignity on the porcelain throne.

Well today this POS TP holder sent me to the edge of sanity.  I reached for the TP and pulled.  The TP popped off the holder and rolled 4 feet away from me.  So there I was...jeans around the ankles with one square of TP as I watched the roll, keep on rolling out of my reach. Before waddle walking with my jeans around my ankles, I just busted out laughing.

I could have cried in frustration but instead I giggled...and giggled...and giggled...and snorted.  So much so that when I finally made it out the bathroom our janitor was like "jew okay...? *sideways stare*" *sigh* Si senor, I'm okay.

Auntie Em, Auntie Em! Oooooh Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore

So yesterday is now filed under things I never need to experience again...EVER.  It was a weather thing.  A BAD weather thing.  A REALLY bad weather thing that had 1/2 the state scrambling to shut down early so people wouldn't be on the roads.

The issue wasn't really rain, although that was a factor too.  The bigger issue was HIGH winds and potential tornadic activity.   While I have had the EA (Emergency Alert) on my phone go off before, had the tornado sirens go off before, had my parish calling/texting take shelter before, and even seen a tornado from a distance...I have NEVER been "in" one.  And I could live the rest of my life without experiencing another...PLEASE.

I mean I know we've been on the way "Outskirts" of tornadoes in the past but yesterday was different.  Yesterday was eerie.  I've had bad feelings before but I was a nervous wreck for a good portion of the day yesterday.  Mainly because the weather people were freaking out.  I was catching up on shows I missed when my phone really started going crazy with texts from family.  So I tuned to WDSU and my jaw dropped.  There was a tornado on the ground not far from me.   Thankfully it went just north of me but the fun wasn't over yet.  As I was staring out my back door at the sky I noticed the clouds looked "funny".  They were moving erratically, not in any one direction.  

I was debating if I should grab the animals and jump in the tub when insanity happened. 

- Everything went impossibly still. 
- Then blinding rain started coming down sideways
- There was a loud bang/explosion and the power was gone
- A siren went off 
- My phone went off 
- I grabbed two cats and two dogs and shut myself in the bathroom 

I know they say it sounds like a "train" and I can understand why.  But its not really a train.  It is quite a disturbing sound and hard to describe.  Almost like an angry moan.  It was loud and it went from moan to almost a shrieking.  You could hear $hit slamming into the house and then it was over.  It lasted minutes...seconds...I don't know.  So there I was in the dark, in the bathroom, with my phone screaming at me with alerts & seek shelter phone call/texts, and 4 frightened animals.  I literally just sat there pondering if I should exit the bathroom or hang out for a bit.  I opted to hang out for a bit.

Hubs called a few minutes later.

- Please tell me it missed us!?!?!? And y'all are okay. 
- Ummm I think so...I am in the bathroom and am not sure if I want to leave yet.

I eventually ventured out and *whew* the house was fine.  It took him 20 minutes to get home!  He works less than 5 miles away!!!   But all the damage and downed power lines made him take a crazy route to get home.  He said he was leaving work when it hit.  He said he looked towards our neighborhood and saw black clouds in the sky and a "wall of white".  He couldn't see the road/houses/businesses.

Y'all don't understand...it literally skipped our neighborhood.  2-3 blocks from us in most directions looked like a war zone but our little area just had some branches down, missing shingles, and broken fences...oh and no power.  How...???  It sucks!  Those poor people!!! Its only been three years since the flood and now they are missing roofs because of a f**king tornado!!!

We may not have power till Thursday or Friday...*gulp* that sucks! But ya know what...no power and losing my frozen foods is fine...at least my home, me, and my animals are all good. 

UPDATE - Apparently there were seven tornadoes in the area....SEVEN!!!  What the actual f**k?!!??!?

I'm offended, that you are offended by that thing that isn't offensive

Everyone needs to grow a set...thicken their skin...quit looking for something to be offended by.  Stop being so unnecessarily confrontational.  Not everything that is said, written, depicted, whatever is meant to piss you off.  Yea somethings are directed at specific "groups" and I get being put off by that.  But many things, even those done in a tasteless manner, are not directed at you or your people or your gender or whatever.  STAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHP!

So I read this quote somewhere by a certain famous person about a certain PSYCHOTIC character he is playing.

"It’s a fascinating character, and it’s a fascinating thing to be handed, to kind of unpick. If that was your lot in life, if everything you requested was given to you, then how would you cope with that? Would you be able to maintain any kind of moral integrity? I don’t know if many of us would, frankly. So I felt a certain sympathy for Kilgrave, certainly more sympathy than everyone else who just seems to think he’s a bastard!"

—	David Tennant, The Scotsman interview

I understand what he is saying...there is absolutely nothing offensive about it.  But the "easily offended" (people looking to start $hit just for the sake of starting $hit) are losing their f**king minds...

They are saying the most bizarre things.  Surely they must be joking...right?  Guess...not...on various boards and discussions, I've read that he is now sympathetic towards rapists (what?!).  That he is understanding of domestic violence (What?!?!).  The list of things he is now "supportive" of was exhaustive and 100% ridiculous (WHAT!?!!?!).  I am certain some were trolls messing with the idiots posting this ridiculousness but come on.  Are you people f**king mental?!?! I've not met the man but I've seen interviews and read about other people's encounters.  I have  REALLY hard time believing he would be any of those things.  Also at least read ALL of the interview before you say anything.... ya dumb@$$e$...*grumble, grumble*.  Not to mention, I seem to recall other speculations being "said" after other roles were announced or whatever.  

Its a job.  He is giving his opinion on a character he is portraying.  It is FICTIONAL!  He is an actor (apparently a really good actor).  He is not actually the Doctor, he is not actually DI Hardy, he is not actually Kilgrave, etc, etc, etc.  He is a real person, with a real life that has little correlation with those roles except acting the part when needed.  You people are just looking for something to b**ch about.  Get over yourself and just enjoy the array of characters he brings to life....even the creepy, give you nightmares one.

I know other actors are "accused" of the same kinds of stuff  because of varying roles and it isn't okay to do it to them either...good lord people learn the difference between reality and fiction.  

UPDATE - Watch This all the way to the end.  It's only 2 minutes-ish. 

Louisiana - [loo-ee-zee-an-uh] noun, 1. a state in the S United States. 48,522 sq. mi. - 2. a place where you can go from BURN BAN to FLASH FLOOD in less than 24 hours

How does that happen?!?  Remember those Hurricane things I spoke about before?  Yea one of those (well what is left of one of those) was reeking havoc over our state (Texas too).   So a few days ago it was so dry that watering my plants daily was a necessity and yesterday I had to dump out the potted ones because they were over flowing with water.  Well I dumped them AFTER I located them.  

You see the tropical @$$hat that came through was not fun.  She (yes she...her name was Patricia) took the liberty of crossing from the Pacific side of Mexico, up into Texas and across most of Louisiana.  She had winds gusting like a low grade hurricane.  She dumped 4" of rain in my parish in less than 3 hours.  She woke me up at 5AM because the severe weather alerts were going off every 5 minutes.  She caused me to almost be late to a family thing because I was scared to leave my house after the tornado sirens went off.  She almost stranded me in another city because the way back home was FLOODED! 

I was not a happy camper.  I made it home, yes.  But once I was there I had to deal with spotty cable/internet, flickering lights, nervous animals, and damaging winds.  About 20 minutes AFTER I got home I realized my Halloween decor was probably MIA.  So here I am...in the dark...in the rain...in wind gusting 30+ MPH...looking for Styrofoam Headstones.  I found them *muahahaha* in the bushes and down the street...whoohoo.  Apparently Pat didn't want me to find them because in retaliation the winds blew so hard I literally slammed face first into my front door. 

B**CH!

Nursing my sore front side I decided to watch some Treehouse of Horror only to miss more than half of it thanks to interruptions for crazy psycho weather updates and an Amber Alert (he was found *whew*).  So as we were sent back to the stone-age (damn you mother nature!!!), the winds kicked up again and the rain abused  my house...I just sat in the dark, reading a book by lantern and hoping this stupidity would end soon.  The pups had to pee so I let them out and was immediately catapulted into an azalea and a rose bush.  Seriously this b**ch here wanted to hurt me!  WTF man?!!?! I woke up today (a bit sore and scratched) to find out we had more than 10 inches of rain in less than 24 hours.  Most of my plants were on the other side of the yard and completely tattered...did we have f**king tornado?!?!? Oh and one entrance to my hood was flooded. 

So as I've mentioned before I HATE HURRICANES....even if they aren't hurricanes when they get to us...they still big donkey *expletive*!