Someone cover me in bubble wrap!

We have been just bombarded with rain the last few weeks.  And not just like an afternoon shower.  It's just a daily deluge of rain combined with psycho winds and crashing thunder & lightening.

Like lightening that lights up your whole house in a bright flash then thunder that crashes so loud you instinctively hit the floor because clearly something just f**king exploded.  

Well I was on my way home from an outing when mother nature just pressure pissed all over us.  We could barely see the road driving home.  When we pulled up it was still raining but not quite as hard.  I did a "one two three" and prepared to run for the door.  As I exited the car and started to run, I realized very quickly this was a bad idea. 

I felt my foot slipping in my shoe.  In slow motion I tried to catch my balance on the hood of the car but it was too late.  

My left leg gave way and I went down.  Out of pure instinct I threw my yeti to catch myself, but the angle of the fall was off so my hands didn't do much to help.  

I landed HARD on my left hip, left leg bent under me, and my left elbow hit the bumper of the car.  I sat stunned in the pouring rain trying to assess the damage for what felt like an hour but was only seconds.

Hubs tried to help but I said just get the stuff I dropped.   As I tried to get up lightening exploded behind my house blinding and scaring the absolute $hit out of me.  

Instinct kicked in again and I tried to run...I fell flat on my chest, but caught myself before my face hit.  Hubs also ran and then was like WTF, where is she?!?!  I literally hummed both shoes at my house and took off running barefoot as another blast of lightning lit up the sky.  

Once safely inside the pain shot through my left side.  I crawled into the living room and just sat on the floor holding my foot and leg rocking in pain.  Once I removed my hand blood started dripping from my foot.

I limped to the shower and hosed myself down.  EVERYTHING hurt/burned.  Then I practically bathed in peroxide. 

My toes wouldn't stop bleeding. 

Once I got a closer look...in my fall I removed MULTIPLE layers of skin from my last three toes and I am pretty sure broke the second to last one as there was a BURNING sensation not affiliated with the missing skin area.  

I dressed and wrapped each toe. Then carefully bandaged the horrific brush burn that takes up most of my left shin/calf.  

Let this be lesson kids....shoes matter....

Seriously I should be the flipping poster child for "don't run in flip flops".

Lightning doesn't strike twice

Okay I know that's been disproven but you get the idea.  What are the chances that ONE specific day could be haunted with repeated tragedy?!?!?!

Exhibit A, B, & C

Katrina 2005

Isaac 2012

Ida 2021

All three of these Mother F**kers made landfall ON THE SAME DAY....IN THE SAME VICINITY!!!!!!!!

They were all different instities and sizes.  But they ALL brought death and destruction in their own way.  

Katrina - Massive b**ch that almost took up the whole gulf at one point.  Became a Cat 5 but weakened to a Cat 3 at landfall. Problem was it built up a Cat 5 storm surge that WIPED out Mississippi  Coast and destroyed NOLA and the surrounding parishes.  Thankfully my house was spared but we couldn't go home for about 2 weeks.  

Isaac - People discount Isaac because "it was only a Category 1".  But that @$$hole made TWO landfalls, and then just hovered battering the crap out of the area and pushing water into the unsuspecting River Parishes.  Leaving me homeless for 8 months!!!

Ida - Angry b**ch that Strengthened so fast we almost weren't prepared.  Smaller in diameter than the K word but made landfall as a Cat 4 and took her sweet f**king time moving along.  Destroying the bayou parishes and beating the crap out of the suburbs of NOLA. Leaving me homeless AGAIN for 6 months!!

This mother f**ker here!

What does this mean?!?!?





























Yo Harvey, get to going!

I mean look at that "forecast".  The spaghetti lines all have him making landfall near Corpus Christi, spinning around in circles, and then darting over Louisiana.

That B**ch is saying "weeeeee. F U Tejas!!!!" and then drowning LA.

No, Just No...JUST NO.

Also, last night "Tropical Depression Harvey might show some signs of development before landfall".  

Early this morning "Harvey is now a Tropical storm and could get stronger".

Later this morning "The waters off of Corpus Christi Texas are 87 degrees...its too warm. Harvey could develop quickly before landfall tomorrow."

Around 10:15 AM, "Harvey could be a Cat 3 before landfall".

MOTHER F**KER!  Yea he's going in, in TX but holy cannoli we are forecast to get a $hit ton of rain next week.  Also, I have loved ones in Texas...do not stall over Texas!!!

**UPDATE** I am so so so scared for my family and friends in Texas.  This thing is a Cat 4 and moving slow.  Please please please stay safe y'all!!!!

Auntie Em, Auntie Em! Oooooh Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore

So yesterday is now filed under things I never need to experience again...EVER.  It was a weather thing.  A BAD weather thing.  A REALLY bad weather thing that had 1/2 the state scrambling to shut down early so people wouldn't be on the roads.

The issue wasn't really rain, although that was a factor too.  The bigger issue was HIGH winds and potential tornadic activity.   While I have had the EA (Emergency Alert) on my phone go off before, had the tornado sirens go off before, had my parish calling/texting take shelter before, and even seen a tornado from a distance...I have NEVER been "in" one.  And I could live the rest of my life without experiencing another...PLEASE.

I mean I know we've been on the way "Outskirts" of tornadoes in the past but yesterday was different.  Yesterday was eerie.  I've had bad feelings before but I was a nervous wreck for a good portion of the day yesterday.  Mainly because the weather people were freaking out.  I was catching up on shows I missed when my phone really started going crazy with texts from family.  So I tuned to WDSU and my jaw dropped.  There was a tornado on the ground not far from me.   Thankfully it went just north of me but the fun wasn't over yet.  As I was staring out my back door at the sky I noticed the clouds looked "funny".  They were moving erratically, not in any one direction.  

I was debating if I should grab the animals and jump in the tub when insanity happened. 

- Everything went impossibly still. 
- Then blinding rain started coming down sideways
- There was a loud bang/explosion and the power was gone
- A siren went off 
- My phone went off 
- I grabbed two cats and two dogs and shut myself in the bathroom 

I know they say it sounds like a "train" and I can understand why.  But its not really a train.  It is quite a disturbing sound and hard to describe.  Almost like an angry moan.  It was loud and it went from moan to almost a shrieking.  You could hear $hit slamming into the house and then it was over.  It lasted minutes...seconds...I don't know.  So there I was in the dark, in the bathroom, with my phone screaming at me with alerts & seek shelter phone call/texts, and 4 frightened animals.  I literally just sat there pondering if I should exit the bathroom or hang out for a bit.  I opted to hang out for a bit.

Hubs called a few minutes later.

- Please tell me it missed us!?!?!? And y'all are okay. 
- Ummm I think so...I am in the bathroom and am not sure if I want to leave yet.

I eventually ventured out and *whew* the house was fine.  It took him 20 minutes to get home!  He works less than 5 miles away!!!   But all the damage and downed power lines made him take a crazy route to get home.  He said he was leaving work when it hit.  He said he looked towards our neighborhood and saw black clouds in the sky and a "wall of white".  He couldn't see the road/houses/businesses.

Y'all don't understand...it literally skipped our neighborhood.  2-3 blocks from us in most directions looked like a war zone but our little area just had some branches down, missing shingles, and broken fences...oh and no power.  How...???  It sucks!  Those poor people!!! Its only been three years since the flood and now they are missing roofs because of a f**king tornado!!!

We may not have power till Thursday or Friday...*gulp* that sucks! But ya know what...no power and losing my frozen foods is fine...at least my home, me, and my animals are all good. 

UPDATE - Apparently there were seven tornadoes in the area....SEVEN!!!  What the actual f**k?!!??!?

So I think the apocolypse started...

I mean we've had crazy weather before but recent storms took the cake!  I am semi okay with bad weather like a Hurricane because we have time to prep (I don't like them but I can mentally ready myself for the possible aftermath) but when its sudden, it is so much more terrifying!!!  There was a memorial service for someone I know very well.  All hell broke loose while in said service.  Can I just say the lights going out during one of these is a bit unsettling...and I've read we weren't the only ones that had this lovely experience...INSANITY!

So the day started okay.  Get ready, drive into town.   We knew some nastiness was headed our way but we apparently didn't know HOW bad it would be.  As we pulled up to the church there was a slight drizzle starting..."oh shoot, lets get inside". . . it went downhill quickly from there.  As we were talking to our family and friends I felt our phones buzzing like crazy.  We went to the restroom and realized our family that is a bit north and west of where we were was freaking out.  Apparently a tornado touched down in that city and chaos ensued.  Schools were pulling kids into hallways, offices were locking the doors and "hunkering down", there was hail and power was out all over.  "Oh $hit!" We told them where we were and they basically said "stay put, it is BAD!"

As we made our way back to the others we were discussing how insane that is.  We were telling one of our peeps what was going on when our phones started buzzing again.  WTH!?!?  It was our "parish" emergency response system.  "Seek shelter immediately.  Possible Tornado.  Strong winds. Hail."  Oh no, our poor dogs!!!  So I texted my neighbor to see if he was home.  He wasn't but he said his house alarm went off ...something about his garage door.  He asked our other neighbor that was home to check on our houses.  His response "I will once the weather passes.  There are straight-line winds, sideways rain, I'm in the bathtub.  It looks like a white out and like it is midnight." (it was 10AM)  At this point WE are starting to get nervous.  People are running into the church soaked and windblown.  It is beginning to get nasty by us too.  Very quickly the windows darkened.  It wasn't like "hey it is cloudy out" it was more like "hey, who turned out the lights." (count the shadows) You could hear the wind picking up and rain pelting the church.  We are telling some peeps at the service what was happening in our hood when "BANG" a loud, almost explosion and the lights went out.  "F**k!" (no one said it but we were all thinking it).  Then the generator kicked on. . .but you see it only powers SOME of the lights.  Like enough to see so it was still a little dark.  There was a lot of nervous laughter and talking.  People were still making their way to the service (soaked) while the priest was lighting candles. 

As we were about to start, whispering amongst the attendees is increasing and more phones are buzzing.  Apparently it was now flooding outside.  People were scrambling trying to get to their cars BEFORE water gets in them and others are calling to say they can't get to the church because of high waters and wind.  *memories of our flood flashing in my head*  Finally we begin.  The wind is steadily howling, debris (not just rain) is slamming into the church.  And then pretty much every phone in the place went off (Emergency Response System does NOT follow the phone on silent rule...it overrides it).  Well that was a terrifying "seek shelter" message..."F**k!" again thought NOT said aloud.  Dead silence, we start the service again and then *bang, bang, bang*.  Doors are flying open.  Not all but more than one.  We are talking HEAVY wooden and steal doors being BLOWN open.  *jfc, okay lets just ignore it* So we all just sang and prayed and remembered (distraction was helpful).  By the time we left the worst of it was over.  But the evidence of what went through was ever present.  Power lines down, tree limbs all over, trash cans everywhere, trees snapped in half, so much DEBRIS...it looked like a weather war zone.

When we finally got home it was to terrified animals BUT our house was okay.  Lots of debris and only a partial tree down in the yard (whew).   Apparently winds were clocked at around 60-70MPH near mi casa and over a 100MPH not far from where we were.  Are you kidding me!?!?!?

The ONLY times that happens down here is during a hurricane...at least that used to be the case but lately (like in the last 3 years) this is more common.  We don't get tornadoes...that only happens in the Midwest. . . RIGHT?!!?!?  Yea WRONG.  A while back I was awakened by our ERS going off at 4AM right as the SIRENS went off.  "Good morning, WTF!?!?"  The sky is falling chicken little...no really...seriously GTFI (Get the F**k In)...this is NOT a drill.  Maybe I need a sign that says "the end is near".  Who wants to build an Ark/Sky boat?