What is wrong with me?!?!

My brain sometimes does things that make me laugh hysterically...which can make me look a tad bit nutty when I'm in public.  I was listening to the radio and heard a song.  A song I've heard a hundred times...but this time my brain did a thing...

"I'm Already There" - Lonestar

He called her on the road

From a lonely cold hotel room - Those are the worst

Just to hear her say I love you one more time

But when he heard the sound 

Of the kids laughing in the background

He had to wipe away a tear from his eye

A little voice came on the phone

Said "Daddy when you coming home"

He said the first thing that came to his mind - Awwwwww *tear* isn't that SWEET!

I'm already there - Oh...um okay......

Take a look around - Seriously, Where....where are you....?

I'm the sunshine in your hair - That's nice

I'm the shadow on the ground - if Doctor Who has taught me anything its don't trust shadows!!!

I'm the whisper in the wind - OMG The Trees are talking!!! Don't put on the headband!!! The forest is ALIVE!

I'm your imaginary friend - If the Exorcist has taught me anything its that Imaginary friends are usually DEMONS!!!!

And I know I'm in your prayers - a tad presumptuous.  

Oh I'm already there - Creeeeepy!

She got back on the phone

Said I really miss you darling - Aw

Don't worry about the kids they'll be alright - Isn't that a movie?

Wish I was in your arms - Daaaaaw

Lying right there beside you - Brown chicken brown cow!!!!

But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight - Oh ho ho ho naughty naughty!

And I'll gently kiss your lips - Wait...wait...are we phone sexing...?

Touch you with my fingertips - This is really sounding like phone sexing....

So turn out the light and close your eyes - OMG YOU ARE TOTALLY PHONE SEXING!!!!

I'm already there - well good for you, I need a little longer

Don't make a sound - Yea because the kids will think mommy is being murdered!

I'm the beat in your heart - is this a metaphor for a pulsating...never mind

I'm the moonlight shining down - Mood lighting!

I'm the whisper in the wind - yea, whispering "sweet nothings" through the phone...

And I'll be there until the end - Well you better stay till she's done!

Can you feel the love that we share - excuse me sir, this is getting inappropriate!

Oh I'm already there - do you have to keep reminding me...?

Theres another chorus but you get the gist.  Why am I like this?!?!? I've always thought this was the sweetest song.  Now whenever I hear it, I'll only be able to think naughty things.  

SIDE NOTE - I still love this song and think its a beautiful song.  I just had a moment of immaturity, that was so funny to me, I thought I'd share.

(you) Make Me...*bloop*.........Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I never needed you like I do right now
I never needed you like I do right now
I never hated you like I do right now
'Cause all you ever do is make me... *bloop*

Make me...wet...?
Make me...drip...?
Make me...water...?
Make me...poop...?
Make me...leaky...?
Make me...rain...?
Make me...wee...?
Make me...a broken pipe...?
Make me...a leaky faucet...?
Make me...pour one out for my homies...?


Make me what?!?!?

Apparently the correct answer is "Cry".  Right...but when I hear a *bloop* noise like dripping water my first thought isn't "Cry"...

Guess I have a Dirty Mind....

Dammit now I have to wee.

Someone is having a little too much fun with the Juke Box!

Things you expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Generic food...Pizza, Burgers, etc.
2. Loud @$$ people/kids
3. Beer
4. Music...Top Ten Pop Chart stuff
5. Games for Kids
6. Unnecessary calories but an all around good time

Things you do not expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Having a conversation with your Father in Law and hearing "B**ch better have my money"
2. Laughing it off as an oops only to have it followed by "Let's Talk About Sex"...Ummm let's not.  Helloooooo Father in Law AND children...just NO!
3. Having the teeninsy waitress in her too short shorts and cut up tee lean between you and said in law while you are talking.  Hello boobies at eye level.  Um excuse me miss can you move those, all I can see is pop in law's eyes and its weird...thanks
4. Talking with other family members only to hear "And you're screaming give it to me baby
Give it to me mother f**ker" *jaw drop* I know its loud in here but if I heard it, others did....right?  Not really.  They were all caught up in conversations but looking around the restaurant you could tell who heard it because they all had the same look as me...*WTF* My bro in law just put his head down and was snorting with laughter.
5. Telling the waitress who apologizes profusely and goes in the back.  20 minutes later "Mommy what's Truffle Butter"...oh God that is SO wrong coming from a child!  We didn't hear the song because we were talking...

I think at this point we all died a little.  The song itself is innocent to innocent ears BUT ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! So mommy did what any mommy would do.  She LIED through her teeth.

"Oh, baby Truffle Butter is a...a delicacy" 
*snickering from the rest of us* *glare from mom* 
"As I was saying.  Its a Delicacy.  Something really only rich people can afford."
*turning red with effort of NOT laughing* *more glaring* 
"So that is why he's singing about it.  He's, um, rich now and its something he can enjoy".  
At this point the 15 year old loses it and it saying "ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!!!!".
We are all shocked...how do you know?!?!?!  Right...15...internet...'nuff said 
They covered it well, "What?  I don't think I like truffles".  Nice save little one. 

I don't think he bought it.  God help us if he remembers this when he is older and loud caps us all for attempting to maintain his innocence.

If you don't know what "Truffle Butter" is...Urban Dictionary it...USE CAUTION...I think it scarred me for LIFE!

Side Note - GROSS!!! That is how you get weirdo infections in your nether regions...don't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say after that the music went off and didn't come back...at least not while we were there....

I used to dance to this song. My BFF and I did that weird pop/hump air to this song. How did I forget about this song?!?!

This is like a throw back to my early teens.  I mean the song came out in 1993.  I was what...12.  OMG I wasn't even a teen yet!  I was going to sock hops & CYA dances and dancing to this!  CYA Dances!!!!!  That is the CHRISTIAN Youth Association.  How WRONG is that?!?!  I even had a cassette tape of it!!!!  Mom what were you thinking?!?! 

I don't even think I understood the whole reference.  I mean I was 12 so I knew SOMETHING but just, just listen to the lyrics!!! Oh and watch the video.  I am having flashbacks of shaking it like a dog and doing the Fire Hydrant.  Wow...just wow.  That's just wrong wrong wrong.  And we thought we were hot $hit dancing like that.  Good doG!

PLEASE!!!Gemme dat donkey butt and dem big ole legs! Update: on Facebook   #12Gauge  https://www.facebook.com/TwelveMuzik/
Posted by Calvin MrGrind Howard on Friday, October 16, 2015

No no no no nooooooooooooooooo! This week has been AWFUL!

I didn't post anything Monday because its been an insane week work wise but after this morning I have to take a moment... two...TWO brilliant, talented artists died of cancer just days apart.  My little geeky heart can't handle it!!!

I woke up Monday morning (f**k you Monday) to a news alert saying David Bowie passed away.  Then I woke up this morning (f**k you Thursday!) to a news alert that Alan Rickman passed away.  What is happening!?!?!?

David Bowie was such an amazingly talented man.  He will always be the Goblin King who sings about Magic and seduces unsuspecting selfish older sisters, along with a few other choice roles he played...I'm gonna go watch Zoolander again just for that scene.  His music will always hold a special place in my heart.  It's a little weird, I guess, but its so good.  You can't tell me that when listening to Space Oddity or Heroes or Starman or Life on Mars or Let's Dance that you don't get all weirdly happy inside.  His music was/is so unique yet speaks to so many different types of people.  So Monday I listened to David Bowie Radio ALL DAY and watched the Labyrinth when I got home.  I danced around my living room singing "Dance Magic, Dance" while my dogs looked at me like I was a lunatic. He's f**king David Bowie, dammit!  He is a legend!  He was only 69!!! Sorry but these days that is NOT old.  As some people joked (in a nice way, not @$$holes), he didn't die, he just went home.

This song took on a bit of a different significance Monday:

This is Ground Control to Major Tom
You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare
This is Major Tom to Ground Control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in the most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today
For here am I sitting in my tin can
Far above the world
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do

Then this morning "famed actor Alan Rickman has died at 69".  What, noooooooo! How...what....69 also....ahhhhhhhh!  Alan Rickman was an insanely talented actor.  Of course he is the loved/hated Professor Severus Snape but he is also the Sheriff of Nottingham, Hans from die hard, Alexander in Galaxy Quest (which I just watched again like two days ago), Marvin (HGTTG), The Blue Caterpillar, and countless other roles and characters he brought to life.  I love his voice and his sense of humor.  He is/was so dry but it was so perfect.  If you haven't seen the Tonight Show interview where he inhales Helium, you need to look at it PRONTO!  I just can't believe he is gone too!  Both in the same week!

"If only life could be a little more tender and art a little bit more robust" - Alan Rickman 

I'm fine, it's fine, I'm...gonna go sit in a dark room and binge watch Harry Potter for the umpteenth time.  RIP to two unbelievably talented entertainers who were taken a bit too soon.  

 

Haters gonna hate, hate, hate... hate, hate....hate....

How many should I put?!?!?  I wasn't going to post anything "serious" today.  I did my remembrance on the 10 year anniversary and while I'll never forget, I wont rehash it every year.  With that said, OMG people are brutal!

I have no idea who this is, I just saw the screenshot

I don't think that is what that means.  First of all at least spell $hit right if you are going to be an @$$hat.  Second, you can't fix anything with hate.  That is ignorant and just makes everything 10 times worse.  Being hateful towards EVERYONE who happens to be Muslim/Middle Eastern because a few extremist went all ape$hit isn't going to fix ANYTHING!  This hurt.  To see that much seething hatred, it is unnecessary.  Of course we should NEVER forget.  It was a horrible day and many perished but you can't blame an entire religion or part of the world for the actions of a few.  Yes there are many who probably supported this action (and they are bad or misguided people, sorry) but there are also others who were horrified to be associated with it.  There are extremists in EVERY religion/culture.  There are Christians I'd rather not be associated with and I have to say all the time "not all of us think like that". 

Then I saw this...

Yea it may not be beneficial to us to take in 10,000 refugees but that isn't really the point.  This statement isn't based on the problems caused by an influx of refugees, this is based on who and where the refugees are from. Where is your bible thumping bull$hit now?  Doesn't it say something about helping those less fortunate, in need, whatever.  These people seem to be in need.  Or should we turn our backs because they aren't the same religion?  Wouldn't you want the world to help us if something terrible happened here or would you want them to shut their borders and write us off as a total loss because we are "stupid Americans"? 

Of course this should be thought through very carefully...I mean the world economy is basically collapsing and taking on more people could be detrimental for any country. But the crazed hatred is still unnecessary.  Yes I know people who fought overseas after 9/11 and I know they suffered greatly because of some of the hateful people over there.  It's a f**ked up situation all around.  I just don't think using 9/11 as a "prop" is the way to go. 

Do I want to endanger my country, its citizens?  Of course not! I just want us to get passed all the prejudice/racist/extremist bull$hit.  

This song may not be about issues today (it is from 1992) but it sure hits home when you listen to it considering all the crap happening in the here and now.

We Shall Be Free by Garth Brooks

History of the song

I'ma post the lyrics too because they are meaningful to me.

This ain't comin' from no prophet
Just an ordinary man
When I close my eyes I see
The way this world shall be
When we all walk hand in hand

When the last child cries for a crust of bread
When the last man dies for just words that he said
When there's shelter over the poorest head
We shall be free

When the last thing we notice is the color of skin
And the first thing we look for is the beauty within
When the skies and the oceans are clean again
Then we shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud
'Cause we shall be free

When we're free to love anyone we choose
When this world's big enough for all different views
When we all can worship from our own kind of pew
Then we shall be free
We shall be free

We shall be free
Have a little faith
Hold out
'Cause we shall be free

And when money talks for the very last time
And nobody walks a step behind
When there's only one race and that's mankind
Then we shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, walk proud, have a little faith, hold out
We shall be free

We shall be free
We shall be free
Stand straight, have a little faith

We shall be free

Music, why you do this to me?!?

Sorry, sorry for the "internet speak" but two different musicians have me having feelings at the moment...completely opposing feelings.  My feelings are confused.  Dammit, I came here to have a good time and I am just feeling so many things right now.

First up, Mr. Ed...Sheeran (tee hee hee).

OMG is that a baby Ed (I mean a really baby Ed not the fact that he is STILL a baby...24 Good Lord!)?  This was the most ADORKABLE video ever!  Then I looked up the lyrics and...shut up, I'm not crying I just cut an onion or something.  He needs to stop with his amazing music. 

Seriously though (just a taste):
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still

Then in a totally unrelated video...Mr. Levine apparently broke the internet.  I've watched the video.  Yes, I saw his butt...I don't remember much else, I may have blacked out (kidding, sort of).

With that said, I cannot link the video here (well, I did link the page but if you click it, it may still be not there) because it was removed from YouTube sometime after I watched it!  STG! I went to look it up and its on the Official Maroon 5 YouTube page but it has been blocked stating "This video contains content from UMG, who has blocked it on copyright grounds." What?!?!  But it is their video...right?!!?!? I so confused.  And now I wont get to watch it again and see what I missed, pahaha.  Told you I have a type and I guess it also includes tattoos in some cases.   

I've been laughing for ten minutes

Can you imagine if you were being all hot and heavy with your man/woman and suddenly there was a marching band in your bedroom?!?  Seriously, he says "Is it weird that I hear Trumpets when you’re turning me on?" and I'm like well no, that's kind of romantic and then BAM trumpeters jump out of the shadows and are all up in your business.

I'm in a weird moooooooooooood.  But this has me smiling like a loon because I find it hilarious. What if it wasn't just when he got turned on by his girl???  "Oh no Jason is getting turned on, NOT THE TRUMPETS AGAIN!". I mean his trips to the strip club must be epic.  Or trying to hide the fact that he's watching porn.  Like being all secretive and suddenly trumpets.  "Honey, what are you doing?", "Nothing dear", *Da da, da ra ra da, da, da
Da, ra, ra, ra, da, da*, "That doesn't sound like nothing!!!"

Hey, I really like that song.......

....OMG WHY DID I WATCH THE VIDEO!?!?!?!?!


If you haven't seen the video...it is, um, disturbing, to say the least.  I like the song, I downloaded the song, I listen to the song and just love it (plus I like Maroon 5).  When I first heard it, I thought it was about undeniable attraction which is a tad bit hot...then I watched the video (and read the lyrics) and feel like I need to add more locks to all doors and windows and carry an extra can of mace.  WTF MAN?!?  The vid is below:

I know the vid came out a few months ago but here are my thoughts...JFC can he be any freaking sexier.  Its ridiculous.  Seriously, do you ever see a celebrity and think "his/her level of attractiveness should be banned!".  Especially when they try to make them look "bad" but they just can't look bad...its nauseating really. 

In all honesty, the idea behind this video should be terrifying but I kept coming back to the thought of Adam Levine in glasses with his shirt off.  Then the proper side of my brain kicks in and is like HE IS STALKING HER!  Moving back to the holy shit that's hot, like really hot.  The proper brain says "That's...what is wrong with you?!?! He is rubbing himself down with animal blood and swinging on a carcass!!!  That is not hot!".  But, but...he's scruffy with glasses and...oh my God, is he writhing in bed with her without her knowledge?!?! It should be illegal to make stalking look THAT attractive!  Its to the point where you are almost like, hey if HE wants to stalk me it couldn't be THAT bad. 

No...no....no.  It is THAT bad because think about it.  Some of the most notorious psycho paths were super attractive.  So here you have the creeptastic "um, he is in her room talking pictures and snuggling in her bed while she sleeps" which leads into a very intense "love" dream thing...then there are buckets of blood dumped on them.  I should totally be grossed out but I think True Blood desensitized me because I was not in the least grossed out.  Instead, I was like "hmmmmm this is borderline porn" and kept watching.   

So my thoughts...I will probably watch it again (and again and again)...even though the stalking really freaks me out...I've had "stalkers"...thankfully not to that extreme but how can you not want to watch it again (and again and again)!?!? *Argh* I think I need a cold shower.

Black wittle baby

I think I had the best misheard lyrics moment EVER!  This is a few weeks old but every time I hear the song now I laugh hysterically.  When the song first came out I would hear that and think that is the strangest thing for her to be saying and would change the station before I actually listened to the rest of the lyrics thinking it was just as silly as the singing in the shower song.  Sorry but that song although it has a good beat irritates me for some reason. 

Anyways, I was in the car with the husband and this song came on and he said "Comparing yourself to a black widow may limit your choice of men" or something along those lines.  I said "huh".  And he said "this song...she is saying how she's like a Black Widow...."  I lost it laughing.  Like crying and snorting and he was like what in the world.  So I said "*hiccup* hahahahaha, okay okay so I swear I thought she was saying *snort* "like a Black Wittle Baby", *bahahhahaha* and for the life of me couldn't figure out why Iggy Azalea would be singing about that."  He just stared at me.    Since then I have listened to the rest of of the lyrics and it is clear why he stared at me like I was from Mars.  There is no reason to "love" anyone like a wittle baby regardless of the color of said baby. 

I actually like the song a lot more now that I am no longer confused. 

Black Widow Lyrics

Do you ever redisccover bands???

I love it!  Its like new music but you know all the words :)

Apparently I like Coldplay.  I mean I knew I liked them and enjoyed their newer songs, like the SUPER popular ones *ahem* Viva la Vida *ahem*, but I heard a song the other day and was like wait I like that song a lot but couldn't place it for whatever reason (can I blame this on extreme heat and lack of water?!?!?!).  So I of course shazam-ed it and it was a Coldplay song and I was like "Oh, right, I knew that, wait I have that CD".  I promptly added a new station to my Pandora to make sure I get a dose of Coldplay when I have it on shuffle.  By the way the song was "The Scientist", it melts me every time I hear it.

But now that I've heard more of the songs I somehow forgot about on Pandora (how did I forget how good these were?!?!), I want to re-purchase some of the albums or at least a few of the songs.  I lost most of my old CDs thanks to mother nature before I copied them onto my Mac. The thing is I know I should have just done it but at the time I was like "ugh these are so old, I'll do it later".  And now I don't have them and the ones I did salvage...well not all of them are playable.  I clearly listened to them A LOT and the are beat to heck plus water damage didn't help *sigh*.  So now...now I want my old music back and it is gone.  I say old...well its CDs...shoo I've been buying my music on iTunes since 2004 I guess, maybe before that, who knows.  I think the last actual CD I bought, I was in grad school o_O or just after.  So yes the ones I have are quite, um, oldish.  The last one of theirs (physical CD) I bought was X&Y.  And then I got poor-ish (stupid ex problems) and I stopped buying music all together for a few years and I somehow forgot about Coldplay.  Seriously from 2007-2011 I didn't purchase one song...do you know how weird that is for me?!?!? I am a music junkie, I love getting lost in songs.  So now I guess I am catching up on all that I've missed. 

Point is I've rediscovered how much I enjoy their songs and now I am wondering what other bands I have forgotten.  I totally forgot about Linkin Park and MCR but luckily I bought some of their stuff on iTunes not the most recent stuff but I have rekindled my love of their music as well. 

Geez, Third Eye Blind just shuffled on while I was writing this.  How did I forget about these bands?!?!?!

Alyssa Lies - A Song

Why...just why would you write a song about this?!?!  I had my Pandora on shuffle and didn't realize after jamming to "We Danced Anyway" I would be sobbing at my desk!  Look, I love me some country music but this song I just heard ripped my heart out, roasted it on an open flame, threw on some salt and put it back in!!!

I thought it was a song about how a kids BFF tells lies.  You know, kids learning not everyone is nice and then...and then I listened to the lyrics and OMG...just instant tears.  I may be a bit emotional today but good lord!  "Daddy, Alyssa Lies", stahp...I need a tissue. 

This song seems great until you listen to the lyrics....

"Will Not Back Down"

I let you down but I'll make it up to you somehow
In time you'll see it's true if my will is strong - - Okay, I guess that's ok...like, he/she is trying to prove themselves to their love.
And I know that as these days go on 
You'll find I'll get to you if it's the last thing that I do - That sounds a bit extreme....

(Chorus)
Every step you take, I'll be a second behind - Getting a little stalker-esque
Every move you make, I'll be the thorn in your side - are you threatening me?
And know you can't fight this now - I'm feeling threatened
I will not back down - Hmmm might be time for a T.R.O.

I'm the sky, the stars, the moon, the setting sun - You are not my world, weirdo
I'm the feeling inside you when you're coming undone - Is that a sexual reference?
You know you can't fight this now - This sounds like rape...
I will not back down - No means no!

Some say I'm cruel - I'm starting to think they are right
But nobody knows what I feel for you - If you love someone let them go....
My love, you're the only one, yeah - Well that's sweet-ish
Do you understand? - No, I'm thoroughly confused and a tad bit frightened

I can't let you slip right through my hands - good thing I put on body oil today!
No, my love, don't try and run - this...this will make me run faster
See in my eyes, you and I are one - danger, Will Robinson!

(Chorus) 3x's with some ooo's and ahhh's and yeah's - Getting creepier by the second



Yeah, ooh, every step you take, I'll be a second behind - dude I'm at my nephew's birthday party, go away!
Every move you make, I'll be the thorn in your side - Is that...is that a tranquilizer???
And know you can't fight this now - Of course not!  I can't feel my legs...
I will not back down - I'm calling the police...with my tongue...maybe

I'm the sky, the stars, the moon, the setting sun - I see stars...its so bright...but I don't think that's what you are talking about
I'm the feeling inside you when you're coming undone - I do NOT want to feel you anywhere near me, much less inside me
You know you can't fight this now - I bite...just a warning...I bite hard!
I will not back down
No, I will not back down
No, I will not back down

Is this going to be a murder suicide...?

I honestly have nothing against this song...I actually downloaded it because I like it but the lyrics threw me when I actually paid attention.