Well at least I had dark pants on!

Its spook spook season! Which means all the decorations, scary movies, and haunted houses.  Well I mean scary movies are all year round but in October its 10 fold!

Anyways, I love all the scary things.  But there are some things that get me. 

Moving on we decided to get our Haunted House on the other night. I was so flipping excited. 

When we got there we realized it was an additional theme night!!! WINNING!!!

 Ghost Face, Jason, Freddy, Chuckie, etc walking around outside while we were in line.  When suddenly  I turn around there is Terrifier.

My face

He walked straight to the group in front of us as I had a mini panic attack because CLOWN...not just that KILLER CLOWN!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways after I died a tiny death we got to the front of the building.  Where there was a GIANT replica of Pennywise in spider form. 

I took a pic to torture my friends when suddenly that f**king thing launched forward snarling and twitching his spider legs. I about $hit my pants!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE CLOWNS and IT is the stuff of nightmares!!!!!!!

Moving on for some reason I was put in the front and it was a blast of spook spook!!!  

They got me a couple times and I was having so much fun! I was looking up at eyeballs watching me when I came face to face with leather face and screamed "f**k me!" as he lunged at me.  Hubs said he heard him laughing as we went by.   

Chuckie was just oogie, queen of the damned was GORGEOUS, and the mummy was cool as $HIT.  Then we went into a dark room....with a rotund clown....holding a red balloon.  He followed me for like 5 min and I was about to cry.

We were almost to the end going through a maze when I came face to face with Freddy. I squeaked and he clanked his knives and said "I want to be in your dreams". Excuse me??!?!?  I almost died laughing as I ran away.   He should have said "I'm your boyfriend now Nancy".  I would have pissed myself laughing.  

I ran away right into the freaking chainsaw at the end *cue more screaming* hahaha.  I had SO MUCH FUN. 

I swear I wasn't watching ... that!

So a recent lovely Sunday I was being a lazy $hit doing nothing.  I was hanging out doing one of my fav things to do in October.....WATCH HORROR MOVIES!!!!

Since my house is decorated as a mini house of horrors its only fitting, right?!  Well during my "me" time someone rang my doorbell.  "Hmmmm, who could that be...?"  I decided to ignore it, I'm busy.  They rang it again... "Ugh fine!"  

I opened the door to the most adorable little boy.  He was in his cub scouts uniform, he had glasses, and he was so freaking nervous.  As soon as I walked out he started reading from a sheet of paper, "hello, my name is _____.  I am with troop ____.  I am selling popcorn.  Would you help my troop, please?" *looks up with the most adorable grin ever*  

Me *thinking* fuuuuuck how can I say no to that?!?!?! *said* of course sugar!

I go inside to get my money and come back.  I left the door partially open because I had the psycho barkers penned up (I had an extra for the day so there were 3).  They were losing their $HIT barking the whole time.  As I am filling out the form, the pups got silent.  And all you could hear what I was watching....

*moaning*
*screams*

Me: I'm watching a scary movie.

*skin slapping*, *more moaning*

*blood curdling scream*

*knocking* "No stop, let me out, let me out!!!!" 

Me: *ah hem* Here's my money *nervous grin*

Kid: Thanks miss!!! I'll deliver it when we get it.
Dad: *suspicious stare* Um thanks...have a...good day...?

Me: Bye!!! *sounds of a murder* Have a great day! *waving*

I feel like dad thinks I was watching a porno...I was not but sometimes there is a fine line between porn and horror.

I might be the oldest but I am by no means the most mature

And that makes me fun, ha!  Apparently a 30+ year old (without kids) obsessed with Halloween is frowned upon.  How many years do I have to post something like this?!?!?!?

- People have come to my house "oh are you having a party?" Ummm no...I just really like Halloween .

- New neighbors "oh do you have kids?" Nope... "So what's with all the decor...?" *ahem* I just really like Halloween .

- *wearing Jack Skellington choker* "are you going to a dress-up party?" Huh...?  No...I just really like Halloween .

- "You know Halloween is only one day out of the month", so is Christmas but we celebrate it starting back in July apparently.
     - "Yes but Christmas is celebrating the birth of our lord, it deserves more than one day"
       *thinking* 'Well maybe I am celebrating my lord', *said*  Well, I'll have Christmas 
        decor out starting Black Friday...good enough?

- "You all carve pumpkins?  But you don't have kids!" *WTAF* *sigh* Ya know the dogs just wouldn't stop begging for their own Jack-o-Lantern.

Halloween isn't just for kids.  Christmas isn't just for kids.  ADULTS CAN ENJOY HOLIDAYS WITHOUT KIDS.  F**k off all you judgmental idiots. 

I dressed up as The Doctor and now my soul belongs to Satan

Look I'm not really one to be like "your beliefs are stupid" but sometimes I see (or am told/TAGGED IN) $hit and just want to throat punch people.

LINK

Right...okay.  What?!?!!?!? Also, stop tagging me in this stuff!!!!!

If you don't want to celebrate Halloween, that's fine.  But stop with the stupid.  Halloween is not a satanic holiday.  If the church of Satan uses it as a holiday they "stole" it from earlier religions/traditions ...just like CHRISTIANS "stole" the winter solstice...also known as Christmas...from earlier Pagan religions. 

Again, if this is your belief I guess that's fine but stop telling me that because I celebrate my FAVORITE holiday I am not Christian and stop telling me my littles are being opened to demons because little Suzy dressed up as f**king Cinderella!

"We think because we are not performing any demonic rituals or human sacrifices that we are on safe ground, but did you know that as soon as you dress up, whether you color yourself or put on a costume, the enemy owns you? Because by doing so, you have turned over your legal rights, and you have dedicated yourself and your kids to celebrating the devil's holiday. "

What?!?! Are you saying I signed some divine LEGAL contract at some point and celebrating Halloween negates it?!?!? I don't think that's how this works....

Here's my take on it.  This person is a troll.  Like the ultimate troll.  How can I make already hyper paranoid Christians bat$hit...I know lets tell them if they put kids in Costume on one specific f**king day of the year, they're turning them into devil worshipers *pahahahahaha*.

Riiiiiight...*rolling eyes*.

"As devil worshippers, Halloween was very special to us, and we looked forward to celebrating it because we knew the implications and the dark power behind the night."

This is f**king dumb.  There is no special freaking demon power on Halloween.  It is an end of harvest festival that can be traced back to Celtic and Gaelic folk traditions. 

Here is where I think all the crazy BS comes in.  "it was seen as a liminal time, when the boundary between this world and the Otherworld thinned.  The souls of the dead were also said to revisit their homes seeking hospitality."

So a combination of OLD traditions.  Traditions that existed BEFORE CHRISTIANITY combined with new traditions created the holiday we now call Halloween.  

Tell me again how I am worshiping Satan if I am a f**king minion on Halloween and hand out candy to cute little kids who are having fun? 

But wait there's more! "The only harvest we celebrate is the harvest of souls.  For many who celebrate Halloween, that celebration carries over to Nov. 1, which is also known to some as the Day of the Dead, or All Saints' Day, but there is nothing holy about it—it is demonic."

Really...you are telling me ALL SAINTS' DAY...the day we (well some of us) visit the graves of our dead relatives and friends to leave flowers is...demonic...?  "We have a picture in our minds that it seems holy, but there is nothing innocent about it. " Uh huh.... 

No!!!!!  It is a day of f**king remembrance.  We REMEMBER those who have gone to heaven...recognized Saints and those not recognized.  We aren't performing some ritual to bring our friend back as a f**king zombie.   

Ya know what, its fine don't celebrate Halloween or All Saints' Day for that matter...more candy for me and less people when I leave flowers.  

This is how crazy happens!  Seriously, the devil is not hiding in a Holiday.  If you believe in Lucifer then you should also believe that he is always there tempting you.  He doesn't pop out on f**king Halloween and say "Ahhhahahahaha, you dressed your child as a sock monkey, his soul is now mine".  

Sorry, this stuff just makes me irrationally angry...

My husband had to peel me off the ceiling....

Okay not literally but close.

So I get this quarterly box from Fortune Cookie Soaps (FCS)...they also do a monthly box but I don't need that much beauty stuff (or do I?).  Anyways, I never signed up for that. 

Flash forward to August.  They announce the September Box will be HALLOWEEN THEMED!!! So I did what I said I wouldn't do an signed up for the damn box. 

So I get it (this was last month) and I am so excited I am about to pee on myself .  First things first...I opened the box and f**king screamed.  Not bloody murder but still *ahhhh* *giggle*. 

God Dammit!!!  Also in the box were fake maggots *rolling eyes*.  Its Halloween...yea yea yea.  So I am INSANELY excited.  Everything smells AMAZING!  I tried almost all of it within a day or so. 

Moving on.  I don't take baths normally...I take showers.  If I do, I don't usually use bubbles, bombs, oils, etc because my body is stupid and I usually have reactions that I'd rather not deal with.  With that said this box came with a bomb.  Its all natural/handmade stuff so I figured "Awww f**k it, ONE BATH CAN'T HURT." 

This was the bomb:

CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE BATH BOMB

Ingredients: Sodium Bicarbonate, Citric Acid, Zea Mays (Corn) Starch, Pure Dead Sea Salt, Magnesium Sulfate, Sweet Almond Oil, Fragrance and/or Essential Oils, Cosmetic Color.

OMG It's Jason, totally trying it.  Problem...I didn't READ the f**king description.  

"You’re doomed! You’re all doomed. There is a curse on Crystal Lake, a death curse. You’ve been warned. When you use this bath bomb, it’s followed by shadows and scents of peachy rings, lemon drops, and woodland flowers. Beware! There's a surprise inside..."

Anyways, I got all comfy in my hot bath and drop the bomb *giggle*.  It fizzed a bit.  Its blue and white *cool*.  Smells DELICIOUS *double cool*.  As the bomb fades away to the end red starts trickling out "Ewww...but okay cool".  I was leaning back relaxing when all of a sudden, something touched my leg 

"OMG there is something in the water with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I see this:

I jumped out of the f**king tub so fast I almost fell over the commode.  

Not realizing the commotion I caused, I was surprised when the significant other walked in.  He was like "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU" as I stood there naked and dripping all over the floor.  I pointed at the tub...he laughed at me..."Its plastic crazy lady".  Oh...OH....GOD DAMMIT!

So yea, they got me...like got me good.  So just in case you are wondering my heart works just fine...

 

Also, no weirdo reactions (sweet) aside from having a minor cardiac event. 

It's just a bunch of Hocus Pocus, right?

I am the one hiding under your bed
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red

I am the one hiding under your stairs
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair

This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song 

Full Lyrics

Yay, my FAVORITE holiday!!!  So of course I am in something Halloween-y, right...  

Its f**king 90 degrees outside...HELLO, Mother Nature, its OCTOBER...WTF?!?!  Anyways, I bought this shirt, so I am wearing it!

Moving on.  I also had bats in my hair, orange & black nail polish, and black & orange eye lashes.  I don't really leave my office...its fine.  Until your boss calls you AFTER you are at work and says "hey, can you go see so & so (really big customer), I can't make it in time".  Ummmmm sure...I mean I look like Halloween threw up on me but yea sure...no problem (hyperventilating). 

I rolled up to the customer...freaking out a bit...and was greeted at the door by The Doctor (yay!!!) & a vampire. "Oh thank god!".  Soooo turns out they were all dressed up in costume, whoohoo!  I had my meeting, had some Halloween goodies, and went on my way.  We left at 1:30 *whoohoo* "candy, candy, candy, candy". 

I have failed as a Whovian

So I wore this shirt...since its Friday...and Halloween is Monday...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Cute, right?!?!  Whatever, I think its adorable.

Anyways, I was walking around my office and the following happened:

CW: I don't get it.  Why would anyone Trick or Treat at a Police Box....thingy?
Me: *stupid stare*
CW: Is that a British thing?  Do they do that in Britain?
Me: *confused stare*
CW: I for one wouldn't walk up to a police box...you never know who could be lurking around or INSIDE!
Me: *wtf stare*  

I finally said..."Its a...its a Doctor Who reference...."
CW: *stupid stare* What's that...?

Me: *AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!*

Ha! I explained, in as calm...not a super weirdo nerd way possible, what Doctor Who is. 

CW: oh you and your one season shows.
Me: *thump*

Sorry I passed out.  

Me: What?!?!?!  Its been on the air for over 50 years!!!
CW: oh, well I've never heard of it so it mustn't be that popular.

Just kidding.  But how can you not know...even just in name...I have a T.A.R.D.I.S. on my car.  I pre-ordered tix to the 50th viewing in my area and talked about it.  I talked about meeting Jenna Coleman for a Photo Op at WWNOLA.  I wear fandom shirts and make fandom references (not just about DW). And.......what rock have you been living under?!!?!? Sorry, sorry, sorry...I forget not everyone watches things other than reality TV....

No but really, just by me being...well me...they should have at least known the name....we've worked together for 12 years....

How does one acquire a ghost????

I mean I know there are hauntings brought on by history, sudden death, and playing with Ouija boards but do they sometimes randomly occur.  Like does a ghost go floating down the street and say "Hey, that looks like a fun house to scare the $hit out of the young lady living there"???

Why do I ask?  Well, because Halloween night (shut it, I know its cliche but its what happened) things, uh, happened and I was home...ALONE.   

So I was sitting in the dark watching "Halloween " (I know, I know more cliche) trying to ignore the thunderstorm outside, when I heard some scuffling from the back bedroom.  I figured it was a cat using the litter pan.  Until I realized both felines were happily perched behind me on the couch.  "Ah, must be a bad dog...", and they are both by my feet staring at the hallway.  $hit!  So I crept down the hall with two anxious dogs, a metal thermos full of water, and a scissors (they were the only weapons I had at my fingertips).

Upon investigation my house was secure and completely free of intruders & rodents (I hope).  THe noise had stopped.  So we went back to watching scary movies (not my best idea).

A while later I heard a loud crash from the same back area *high pitched scream*, oh that was me, ha...ha...ha.  Sounded like something fell.  The dogs are going ape $hit.  Dammit cats! *turns around* both cats are staring at the hallway.  OMG, I need an adult...wait I am an adult....I need an older adult *wah*.

Another investigation revealed my lamp on the floor.  "Alright Casper, knock it off!".  I found nothing else amiss and the windows and doors were still secured.

Sometime later watching "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" live performance on BBC America and I hear a loud static/blaring noise from the back.  Okay THAT is not a feline or a canine.  WTF is that?!?!  I sent convict to investigate (what?!), as I followed I saw the glow of the TV in my bedroom *so this it how it ends*.  My discovery was the TV in my room on but the image was stuck because my cable company sucks and sent me shoddy equipment.  Meaning it was making this awful noise while displaying a frozen image of Freddy from Nightmare on Elm Street (I was watching that earlier in the day while I cleaned).  Are you f**king kidding me?!?!  It couldn't get stuck on a f**king commercial.  No, of course not!

 *turns off TV* *hides remote in drawer* *unplugs cable box*

Nothing else happened but I sure as $hit didn't want to go sleep in my room!  I did eventually...like at 2AM...and I left the TV on because I am an adult...and I made the animals snuggle with me...because I am in fact an adult.

My logical side says the scuffling I heard was bushes and trees blowing in the wind and hitting the house/windows.  I mean that COULD sound like it was coming from inside *manic giggles*

The lamp falling was a freak thing...it was on the edge and just slipped when the thunder crashed *wringing hands*

The TV thing was...I mean CLEARLY we had a power surge and it flipped on...right....RIGHT?!!?! *nervous laughter*


In conclusion I need to stop watching "My Haunted House" because it is OBVIOUSLY fueling my already over active imagination!!!!!!

OMG people calm down!!! It isn't the end of the world, well it might be on Saturday...

Okay, like I said before I get REALLY angry when local governments/neighborhoods get together and decide to move Trick or Treating to the Satruday before Halloween because it's on a Tuesday or whatever.  I think that is dumb and it makes me want to go all Michael Myers on them. 

But this time I have to kind of agree with the parishes, its a safety thing.

You see we are supposed to have 100% chance of rain Saturday night.  Not just rain, but thunderstorms and heavy downfall.  And while there was many a year where I Trick or Treated in the rain and cold we NEVER ventured out in severe weather.   It didn't happen often but I can remember a couple times where I didn't get to go Trick or Treating so I still dressed up, mom made popcorn, and we watched scary movies.  Was I happy about it?  Of course not I was a kid but what else were we going to do? 

With that said starting yesterday many of the parishes in S.E. Louisiana began saying they were moving Halloween to Friday.  And people are LOSING THEIR $HIT!  I get it, I do but they aren't moving Halloween, they are moving Trick or Treating.  And as much as I hate to say it, it makes sense.  But it was a poor choice of words news stations. 

Look, the weather is supposed to be INSANE in the area.  It is an outdoor holiday and they are thinking about safety first.   Also, as the Sheriff of one of the parishes said families spend a bit of money on Halloween.  They buy costumes and candy and decorations.  It would be a shame to let it all go to waste because of the weather.  It.makes.sense. 

So people calm the f**k down!  You can still "celebrate" Halloween.  Try to be positive!  Think of it as getting TWO evenings of Halloween fun, instead of just one.  Friday you do the Trick or Treating thing and Saturday you sit home watching scary movies in the crazy weather.  Its a win win people!

Wait, isn't that how many scary movies begin?  A girl all alone watching TV while the wind howls and the rain pounds the roof.  Suddenly the lights go out, the dogs starts growling and *dun dun dun*, I dunno you fill in the rest.   

Crap...I'm going to be home alone...great I just scared myself. 

Do I look like a sinner? What exactly does a sinner look like? How does a cute smiling business professional equal "you need religion"?!?!?!?!

So I was checking out at the store completely absorbed in the bickering couple in front of me.  They were HILARIOUS!  I'll recap their convo in another post.  So anyways, as I am patiently waiting my turn this tiny Asian woman taps me on the shoulder, hands me a tiny booklet about the size of a checkbook and says "you need this". She pats me on the shoulder and looks at me expectantly, meanwhile her husband shakes his head and looks away.  It was black and orange so OF COURSE I thought it was something Halloween related.  (shoosh, I have Halloween on the brain, alright?!?)
 

A serial killer...right?!?!?

 Then I opened it up...

 And I just, okay...I should have expected that...

SIDE NOTE - I am getting a "Walking Dead" vibe from that "blind" man...you can't fool me brain eating zombie!



I'm not concerned that it is a religious message...that's fine. 

Why is Ray Charles in my comic?!?

I'm more concerned about the representation of humanity...

You know, I don't think the answer will surprise me since you said "Jesus" 50 times.

Also, do demons really say "Yaaah!" when being exorcised?????  Supernatural forgot to teach me that!

"He's got the whole world universe, in his hands. He's got the whole wide world universe in his hands....."

Hmmmm and here I was thinking it was gravitational pulls, dark matter, and whatnot.  (shut up I know its metaphorical...at least I hope...).  Completed control...What about Free Will...?

Like how soon...?  Will I get to at least see what happens on the new X-Files?!?!? (sorry...not sorry)

I'm no expert here but that looks like an invasion.  Hasn't anyone seen a sci-fi movie?!!?!?  That is what happens when Loki opens the portal and the Chitauri come through!  So Jesus is an Alien?!?!  Someone call Giorgio Tsoukalos and tell him he was right after-all. 


There is only one way into heaven...

And it seems to involve a....book? (psssst not the Bible...well the Bible too but don't forget this one...shhhh)

Ahhhhh, I see now...you want some money...that's what will "help" save me.  Good one Jesus comic *rolling eyes*.

So all that to get me to buy a book...really?!?!?

And people wonder why I am so weird when it comes to religion.  I have faith but as I get older my views and understanding change.  I'm not saying these people's beliefs are wrong, I am just saying its rude to tell a complete stranger they need Jesus.  I'm really not trying to be an @$$hat.  No but really why the hell did that woman think I "needed this"?!?!?!?  I clearly look like a heathen in need of saving in my black work pants and pink conservative blouse, buying laundry detergent and cat food.  *hisses*