I think my brain would short out and I might forget how to form coherent thoughts...and/or breathe

So I think I've made it pretty evident that I am a bit of a Doctor Who fan.  Just a small one.  I mean barely one at all....anyways.  I've also stated that if I met a Doctor or even a companion I'd probably go deaf, dumb, and mute.  I mean I met Jenna for a photo op but there wasn't much talking other than a friendly hello and I was smiling like an idiot.  Well I thought I looked like an idiot, in reality I looked pretty cute.  Moving on, I saw a thing online "Meet David Tennant", sweet!  Who wouldn't want to do that?!?!!?

So I clicked on the video...which normally I wouldn't recommend...too risky...you might end up with a virus or some weird fetish porn o_O.  Anyways....

...WHAT?!?!?!

"Meet David Tennant and 6 Other Doctors" Are you f**king kidding me?!?!  One person...could win...BREAKFAST IN LONDON with 7 Doctors...?!?!   You'd meet Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Paul McGann, David Tennant, Matt Smith and Peter Capaldi.  

*thud*

Sorry passed out.  Just the thought of that 1 in a million chance makes me insanely giddy.  Surely someone in the US wouldn't be able to win this..."Get flown out to London and put up in a 5-star hotel" What?!?!?

*thud*

Sorry passed out again.  So for a small donation to the Red Nose Day Foundation you get entered into the contest.  I don't have much to give right now but I can afford $10.  Its a great cause and it gets you 100 entries.  I have like ZERO chance of winning but I'd kick myself repeatedly if I didn't at least try. 

But lets say by some uncanny twist of fate I do win.  What the f**k do you talk about with 7 famous actors who happen to have been or are on a show you fangirl over regualrly.  Not to mention you might have a teensy weensy celeb crush on more than one.  And watch them on other shows/movies.  That's like waaaaaaaay out of my league.  I mean I am a social butterfly but I'd probably forget how to speak and dribble on myself.  What is the social protocol for that type of situation???  Does not compute.  It would be like that one time when my awkward sense of humor would surface and no one would get it because I'm weird...ahhhh don't be weird!

Whatever, let me repeat ZERO chance of that happening but at least I tried.

I'm an unintentional oddball and it's HILARIOUS!!!!

At least for me...and people who find my humor amusing. Okay okay not too oddball-esq unless you get the reference.  And its not even that odd more just I don't always have a filter to stop my weirdness.

I am very cautious about being "weird" at work with persons other than my co-workers whom have known me FOREVER!  But when it comes to telemarketers my brain apparently checks out.

So I got a call from some "hey you won a free trip, all you have to do is buy this BS" companies.  I try not to be rude and just hang up.  Its their job, I have to cut them a little slack.  Well I unconsciously did something and it was, well, soooo stupid *beating head on desk*.

Me: Hello....
Person: Hi, I'm looking for NOLAGurl 
Me: *cautiously* This is NOLAGurl
Person: Hi NOLAGurl, I was calling to let you know you won a trip to sunny Orlando for four.
Me: Um...how?
Person:  You must have signed up for it
Me: *Not recalling ANY contests*  *light bulb* Ya know I don't think I did.
Person:  Well I have your name and number
Me:  Yea but you said my maiden name...a name a haven't used in over 4 years (ha, gotcha!)
Person: Oh...but you won and all you have to do is pay taxes
Me:  I appreciate the call but I am not interested
Person: But its free
Me: What is your definition of free?
Person: *quiet* Well. Here is the website *rattles off web address*...its legit...look it up....if you change your mind you can call me back...
Me: K...what is your name and number?
Person: Jessica *last name*, *phone number*
Me: *scribbling info* Thank you Jessssssiiiicah
Person: Whoa, creepy..You said it kinda like him...
Me: *thinking* Huh....oh...OH... F**K!  *Said* Oh my...*stuttering* I didn't mean to actually say that out loud! *sigh* Sorry... *dying of embarrassment* Wait... *realizing she got the reference*
Person:  No worries, *giggle* it just caught me off guard.  Seriously though at least check it out and call me back with any questions.

Ugh, I am so...just...not normal.  Excuse me while I crawl under my desk...What are the chances of me talking to someone who was probably in a different time zone...possibly a different country who happened to call me, of all people and would get an obscure reference like that.  At least her whole attitude changed from aggressive sales person to "friend".  Anyone else would have just been like "well she's weird...". It was 2 parts hilarious and 1 part embarrassing.  Oh well at least it was funny...ish.  And I obviously didn't scream it like a complete psycho.  Also, my voice is incapable of pitching that low, but you get the idea.  So thank you Jessica for making my day a little less "blah" *muah*. Welp, guess I am obligated to call her back now and listen to the spiel about the "free" trip since I unconsciously imitated a sociopath while talking to her. 

You won!...sort of

This is paraphrased but you get the gist. 

Caller: ...An all expenses paid trip to (insert posh vacay) doesn't that sound wonderful?!?!
Me: Um really??
(mind you I did do one of the "enter to win" things at WWNOLA)
Caller:  Yes, do you have a pen and paper, here are the deets
Me: Uhhhh sure, go ahead.
Caller:  Rattles off the most amazing sounding vacay to Orlando, FL for 5 days.
Me: Huh, cool...
Caller:  It gets better...proceeds to rattle off more amazing vacays that come with this "package"
Me: Ummmm, ooookkkaaaaay
Caller:  Still prattleing on about the 3 additional trips that comes with my winnings
Me: Wow... *thinking* why do I feel like I'm on some infomercial "but wait there's more"
Caller:  Yes wow!  You and 49 other lucky winners.
Me:  *Getting more suspicious* Soooo what's the catch
Caller:  There's no catch, this is a $4,000+ value all yours.  For you and your hubby and two other adults. 
Me: Kaaaaay...
Caller:  All you have to do is pay the processing fees and taxes today and you have 2 years to go on these four luxurious vacations. 
Me:  I, uh, only signed up for the Orlando thing. 
Caller:  but this is all free!
Me: Processing fees aren't "free". Although I would expect to pay taxes
Caller: But listen...get this its only $349
Me: Okay not that bad...
Caller: Per person
Me: What?!?  Isn't this a vacation for four?!?!
Caller: But you only pay for two people the other two are free
Me: Um $700 today...who are you again?
Caller: (insert name of travel agency) Is the money the only thing holding you back?
Me: Y...eee...ssss *thinking* that and I don't normally give my CC out to random people that call me over the phone.... oh and this doesn't seem like that GREAT of a deal
Caller: Hold on let me see if I can get a better rate *puts me on hold*
Me: It sounds waaaaaay too good to be true.  Eff this *hangs up*

Did I miss out on 4 GREAT vacations.  Possibly.  But we have to be able to use them in two years time and we have to pay our way to get there so all expenses paid is not quite right...maybe I miss heard her.  Maybe she didn't say that and I inserted it but I don't think I did.  Yea Orlando hotel and theme park tix paid (well, actually, we can buy them at BOGO) but I have to fly or drive to get there.  A trip to Miami...I love Miami but I have to get there.  And only the hotel is paid for.  Cruise sounds wonderful but it leaves out of Miami (again flying issue) and you get no extra moula so you have to pay for everything else.  Trip to Vegas, again REALLY?!!?!?

So this deal sounds more like hey we'll pay for your hotel if you figure out your own passage, pay for your own food, etc but we would really like a good review/recoomendation from you in return. 

NOTHING IS FREE PEOPLE!  Like I said, I expect to pay taxes on contests that are won but really?!?   Plane tickets alone are $200+ per person unless you get an awesome deal on Southwest.  Food...omg...food is ridiculous!  For two people to eat out everyday for at least two meals...even going cheap cheap, it's no less than $75 per day (and that is chain restaurants and no alcohol).  Plus a rental or cab fare to get around.  And if you are in Miami or Vegas you are going to want to go out to a club/bar at least once which I can tell you first hand isn't cheap!  For Vegas you get $100 spend how you want card (usable at casinos).  I can tell you that $100 will get you 1 and a 1/2 buffets (maybe) if you use it for food.  Basically I am saying it wont go very far.

So all in all they wanted me to pay them $700 but each trip would cost us an extra $1,250 (I mean BARE MINIMUM).  In reality it would be way more.  Actually it would be more for the Orlando trip because it doesn't include the park passes.  It is 4 trips...that is $5,000+ over TWO YEARS!  Plus the $700 I have to pay upfront.  In what way does this sound like a good deal?!?!?  For $2,000 I can fly both of us to Orlando, stay on the Disney grounds, get two 5 day hopper passes and probably meal plans (those changed recently so I am not sure).  Oh an transportation is included unless you need to leave the grounds....