My husband had to peel me off the ceiling....

Okay not literally but close.

So I get this quarterly box from Fortune Cookie Soaps (FCS)...they also do a monthly box but I don't need that much beauty stuff (or do I?).  Anyways, I never signed up for that. 

Flash forward to August.  They announce the September Box will be HALLOWEEN THEMED!!! So I did what I said I wouldn't do an signed up for the damn box. 

So I get it (this was last month) and I am so excited I am about to pee on myself .  First things first...I opened the box and f**king screamed.  Not bloody murder but still *ahhhh* *giggle*. 

God Dammit!!!  Also in the box were fake maggots *rolling eyes*.  Its Halloween...yea yea yea.  So I am INSANELY excited.  Everything smells AMAZING!  I tried almost all of it within a day or so. 

Moving on.  I don't take baths normally...I take showers.  If I do, I don't usually use bubbles, bombs, oils, etc because my body is stupid and I usually have reactions that I'd rather not deal with.  With that said this box came with a bomb.  Its all natural/handmade stuff so I figured "Awww f**k it, ONE BATH CAN'T HURT." 

This was the bomb:

CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE BATH BOMB

Ingredients: Sodium Bicarbonate, Citric Acid, Zea Mays (Corn) Starch, Pure Dead Sea Salt, Magnesium Sulfate, Sweet Almond Oil, Fragrance and/or Essential Oils, Cosmetic Color.

OMG It's Jason, totally trying it.  Problem...I didn't READ the f**king description.  

"You’re doomed! You’re all doomed. There is a curse on Crystal Lake, a death curse. You’ve been warned. When you use this bath bomb, it’s followed by shadows and scents of peachy rings, lemon drops, and woodland flowers. Beware! There's a surprise inside..."

Anyways, I got all comfy in my hot bath and drop the bomb *giggle*.  It fizzed a bit.  Its blue and white *cool*.  Smells DELICIOUS *double cool*.  As the bomb fades away to the end red starts trickling out "Ewww...but okay cool".  I was leaning back relaxing when all of a sudden, something touched my leg 

"OMG there is something in the water with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I see this:

I jumped out of the f**king tub so fast I almost fell over the commode.  

Not realizing the commotion I caused, I was surprised when the significant other walked in.  He was like "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU" as I stood there naked and dripping all over the floor.  I pointed at the tub...he laughed at me..."Its plastic crazy lady".  Oh...OH....GOD DAMMIT!

So yea, they got me...like got me good.  So just in case you are wondering my heart works just fine...

 

Also, no weirdo reactions (sweet) aside from having a minor cardiac event. 

So its a bunch of guys running around free-ballin'...?

This is my email.  THAT is an invite to a race.  I read that as "FRESHJUNK Racing" and saw it was for the "Turkey Trot".  And all I could picture was a bunch of guys running around with their junk out because...well I mean if you think about it...its a Turkey race....

And that "Snood" looks suspiciously like some angry...*ahem* never mind.

Also, looking at pics of turkey necks has me giggling like an IDIOT...obvi none of these pics are mine

Its...its Emo ..."I mean, like don't pretend to KNOW me,
also my name is Urie...respect"

Ahhh yes, the elder nutsack

Sir...sir....your Snood appears inflamed, I recommend antibiotics

I can't...it's like something out of  the Dark Crystal

Why so sad...cold shower...?

You makin' fun of me, Riz?

And then John Cusack walked out from behind the bushes holding a boombox over his head

Totally plausible...right?!?  But how else can I say the Universe wants me to be part of a cheesy romantic comedy!  Hey Universe, guess what...I'm HAPPILY married!  I don't need to meet anyone...I'm good *plfeet*.

Let me set a scene, little blonde looking like she should probably try harder decides to take her unruly pups to the park.  Normally this is not something I do alone but it was a necessity today so off I went with my 61 lb speedy and 30 lb humpty dumpty.  To say it was interesting is an understatement.

Mind you I was in hot pink running capris and a teal shirt with lazy girl bun...

- they immediately barked and made a 4 y/o cry (they wanted to play but can be scary...LOUD)
- they tried to make friends with the lady in the car next to us
- they spotted items of interest that happened to be in different directions
          - My shoulders have felt better....
- Things that were said: "No", "Stop", "OMG don't eat that", "slow down", "I SAID SLOW DOWN"

Then one went through my legs and around.  The other went around my legs and through...both took off running in different directions "No no no nooooo......" *ahhhhhhh!*.

My legs were immediately cinched together.  Speedy took a tumble because he was tangled too while humpty dumpty ran in circles.  I was in a slow motion fall to the ground *tiiiiiberrrrrrrr* thinking "Aw f**k me, this is going to hurt."  When suddenly I am being caught by a solid brick wall.  "Wait, I'm in the middle of a park...". 

Turns out the "brick wall" was a RIDICULOUSLY muscular...attractive...30 something who was jogging on the path when he saw my dilemma and came to my rescue.  Speedy decided "Must murder new person touching mom" and started freaking out.  But he was tangled so all he managed to do was restrain both of us further and make my hero laugh, *great*.

After getting me into a semi-sitting position we somehow got me and my idiot canines detangled.  I said thank you like a million times and we went our separate ways. 

As I was hurriedly walking away dumb and dumber saw a something and took off (at least in the same direction) 

...the leashes locked and I leaned all the way back to stopped their forward progress...my 120 with a lean back and legs planted vs their 60 + 30 running at full speed ended with me flying forward

and yelling "Stop trying to eat a squirrel, you @$$holes!" 

Which got me a giggle from somewhere behind me.  I didn't turn around...

I was only out there for 30 minutes....guess who is getting leash trained soon....

I've heard of The Giving Tree but not The Cursing Tree.....?

Its Spring...Summer...almost summer....feels like f**king Summer, anyways its the time of year where I go outside and play in my yard.  Since I am adult this does not consist of me playing Cops & Robbers or riding my bike to the corner.  It means I do gardening...like everyday. 

Yesterday after the torrential downpour (yay humidity) I went outside to murder the overgrown shrubberies in the garden. 

SIDE NOTE - Y'all don't understand.  These things are out of control.  They started off as these cute little shrubs that I kept small.  Then we flooded and weren't there for 6+ months and they became MONSTERS!!!!  We've tried cutting them back but they just keep getting bigger.  Send Help!!!!

I used my handy dandy step ladder because I am a mini person to hack away as much shrubbery as possible.  There is this one...its a holly tree thing that is supposed to be round but occasionally these giant shoots come out of the top.  One is so tall and thick (that's what she said *hahaha*) that I would need a regular ladder & saw to, uh, nip the tip.  Since I am lazy and didn't want to go get the ladder I decided to relive my childhood. 

I sure did Monkey my way up a crape myrtle with a hand saw and garden shears. Because you know climbing a tree is TOTALLY safe...add sharp objects...what could go wrong?  Well since its Spring/Summer everything is in full bloom and bushy.  Meaning once I was up in the tree I was a f**king ninja.  It also meant that as I not so subtly talked *grumbled* to myself people didn't know where the voice was coming from. 

In all fairness I really did do good.  I was wedged in the tree but safely and had the perfect angle to slice & dice.   What I forgot was I was slicing and dicing a f**king Holly Tree.  Do you know what that is?

It is essentially a prickly...prick that is full of sap.  So as I lopped of large branches they fell every which way...usually MY WAY.  I was being pelted with thorn like leaves and was COVERED in sap *ewwwwwwwwwwww*. 

I was so sticky (and scratched up) that my hands were stuck to the yard tools and I had random pieces of nature stuck all over me.  Which included but is not limited to leaves, dirt, & bugs *wah*.  When I was done I tried to drop the shears but they were practically GLUED to my hands (reason number 3 why I should wear gloves) so I started cursing like a f**king sailor.  They finally fell to the ground and I cheered with success "Whoohoo!" and then I heard the laughing, "WTF?"  So I peeked out of the tree.  My NEW neighbor whom I haven't officially met yet is across the street cracking up.  When I poked my head out he basically fell over laughing.  Me: *confused* "what...?" He said *with mirth* "I couldn't see you up there and all I heard was cursing *raised eyebrow* and the tree was shaking like crazy!  I was like 'why is that tree so angry and should I be concerned?'."  At that point I hadn't realized two things.  One, how high up I was and two, that I was basically incognito. 

Time for a long over due intro (no handshakes, lest I stick to him too) so I walked across the street and realized how funny it really was.  He basically saw this shaking and heard colorful profanity.

You see that little gray/beige thing in the tree?  Here let me "zoom in".

That is me but I blended fairly well into the scene so he couldn't see me.  Apparently he found this very funny.  So funny that when his friend...roommate...husband...person came home he told him the story as they were leaving.  I was still outside murdering other shrubs and I waved a polite hello.  I'm sure I looked a sight!  I was covered in sap and nature.  My hair was frizzy (f**king humidity) and sticking out everywhere.  I was sweaty and I was wearing REALLY old loose fitting capri pants and a bleach stained tank top.  HOT MESS!


So that is how the legend of The Cursing Tree began.  I should write a book *hahaha*.

P.S.  yes I drew that, don't laugh.  MS Paint is limited but its super easy and quick to use. 

Someone is having a little too much fun with the Juke Box!

Things you expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Generic food...Pizza, Burgers, etc.
2. Loud @$$ people/kids
3. Beer
4. Music...Top Ten Pop Chart stuff
5. Games for Kids
6. Unnecessary calories but an all around good time

Things you do not expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Having a conversation with your Father in Law and hearing "B**ch better have my money"
2. Laughing it off as an oops only to have it followed by "Let's Talk About Sex"...Ummm let's not.  Helloooooo Father in Law AND children...just NO!
3. Having the teeninsy waitress in her too short shorts and cut up tee lean between you and said in law while you are talking.  Hello boobies at eye level.  Um excuse me miss can you move those, all I can see is pop in law's eyes and its weird...thanks
4. Talking with other family members only to hear "And you're screaming give it to me baby
Give it to me mother f**ker" *jaw drop* I know its loud in here but if I heard it, others did....right?  Not really.  They were all caught up in conversations but looking around the restaurant you could tell who heard it because they all had the same look as me...*WTF* My bro in law just put his head down and was snorting with laughter.
5. Telling the waitress who apologizes profusely and goes in the back.  20 minutes later "Mommy what's Truffle Butter"...oh God that is SO wrong coming from a child!  We didn't hear the song because we were talking...

I think at this point we all died a little.  The song itself is innocent to innocent ears BUT ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! So mommy did what any mommy would do.  She LIED through her teeth.

"Oh, baby Truffle Butter is a...a delicacy" 
*snickering from the rest of us* *glare from mom* 
"As I was saying.  Its a Delicacy.  Something really only rich people can afford."
*turning red with effort of NOT laughing* *more glaring* 
"So that is why he's singing about it.  He's, um, rich now and its something he can enjoy".  
At this point the 15 year old loses it and it saying "ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!!!!".
We are all shocked...how do you know?!?!?!  Right...15...internet...'nuff said 
They covered it well, "What?  I don't think I like truffles".  Nice save little one. 

I don't think he bought it.  God help us if he remembers this when he is older and loud caps us all for attempting to maintain his innocence.

If you don't know what "Truffle Butter" is...Urban Dictionary it...USE CAUTION...I think it scarred me for LIFE!

Side Note - GROSS!!! That is how you get weirdo infections in your nether regions...don't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say after that the music went off and didn't come back...at least not while we were there....

I didn't know a 250lb muscle man could giggle like a school girl

I'm not being mean it just caught me off guard!  Apparently "really pissed off" Nola Gurl is f**king funny. 

I was sitting at my computer FUMING about the level of idiocy I have to deal with.  I'm not kidding about the level of DUMB.  I had one person ask me the same question FIVE different ways.  I was about to say "just because you re-word a question, doesn't change the F**KING question!!!"  This isn't Judicial Court.  This isn't a trial!  This crap will not make me change my answer!!!

Examples:
- Did you eat my lunch made of cheese and crackers?
- Hmm my lunch of cheese and crackers has gone missing, do you know anything about that?
- I seem to have misplaced my lunch of dairy and crispy things, think "someone" ate it?
- Do you think "Someone" ate my lunch? Where else will I get aged milk product and baked crisps?
- If I were to have cheese and crackers, would you have eaten them?

My answers would be no, no, no, no - the store, no.  NO ONE ATE YOUR F**KING LUNCH...that's how I want to respond but I don't.

And no, the idiocy I was dealing with wasn't about lunch, it was about how systems work...but you get the idea (I Hope) with my lunch example. 

With that said I was reading this kind of crap and deciding how/if I should reply when muscle man walked up.  I didn't look up.  He asked me a  question.  I didn't respond.  He said "NOLA Gurl, are you okay?" I responded very quietly, "I am about to go crazy stabby white girl on some people",. as my right eye twitched and I death gripped my mouse.

He legit giggled and snorted. *surfacing from my anger induced haze*  What?!?!  He just laughed...and laughed....and laughed and said "I'll come back later" and walked away giggling.  I guess he wasn't expecting THAT from me. 

Hmmmm maybe I should be more careful about what I say in front of the owner.....

Laughing so hard you pittle a bit

Okay so apparently this has been around since 2009 but I've never seen it.  I laughed so hard my co-workers seem to think I was having some sort of attack.  Seriously, either I am already drunk just THINKING about our Christmas lunch or this is some funny @$$ $hit! What kind of weirdo sense of humor do I have that YouTube decided that THIS would be a perfect "suggested" video?!?!? Good doG, I'll never be about to look at 10 the same way again...

Are you f**king kidding me!?!?!?

I can't embed the video because the user disabled that feature BUT the link is above.  If you've seen it before...sorry but I hadn't so I am sharing. 

It is synced perfectly.  I mean if I didn't know any better I would think he is in fact doing that...in his pants.

I can't even right now *snort*

I can't decide if he's laughing...crying...or uh a, should be a part of the video...HA!

It's November 20th, OMG!!!!

Why is this exciting?  It's not...unless you are me...or people like me....who like the things I like *big cheesy smile*

I don't know how I am going to function tomorrow.  I have to be at a race at 7:30AM, meaning I have to get up really flipping early.  Why is this a problem?  Weeeeeeeellll *tugging ear* you see there is this show (shut up) that I might have mentioned I have been REALLY wanting to watch.  And *fiddling with hair* itrealeasedonNetflixtoday.  Ahhhhhh, I'm so excited, I'm shaking like a chihuahua.

There is a high probability I will binge watch a ridiculous amount of episodes once I am released from my supplier of funds necessary to live (also necessary to afford an internet package and Netflix). 

Netflix CLEARLY knows my patterns...

*thud* sorry, might have fallen off the chair.  Those suckers just roll away if you aren't careful!

At first I thought "oh its cause its a new show" then I realized I don't get notifications for all the other "new shows"...just the ones that involve Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and Superheros.  *ehhhh hehehehe*

So that's all...that's why I am a bouncing ball of energy.  Maybe I shouldn't have had that 3rd cup of coffee. 

OMG he IS a Disney Prince

WTF man?!?!  I hate adorable people.  And by hate, I mean I adore them and wish to be their friend.  So I've seen on the internet where this particular celebrity is said to be a "real life Disney prince" and while I can see it by looks, I've never really watched interviews or anything like that with him.

Last night I watch one and seriously, ADORABLE!.  Is it weird to call a 30+ year old adorable?  I mean he is literally like two months older than me, almost to the day.  Well toooooooo bad because that is the only word I see befitting.  If you haven't guessed this person is Tom Hiddleston and the interview I watched was the Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

Anyways, I think I died laughing at one point...or at least stopped breathing properly because I was giggling....same thing.  Trevor said something about how Mr. Cumberbatch's fans call themselves "Cumberb**ches" *giggle* and that Mr. Hiddleston's fans call themselves "Hiddlestoners" *whaaaaaa*.  I've not heard that one.  So Tom says something about that being rather violent and I'm like "I've never met a violent STONER, what are you talking about!??!?!"  Apparently Trevor felt the same way.  And our wanna be Prince explained he thought of "stoning" like the ancient way you show you disapprove of and want to punish someone...by throwing STONES.  *baaaaahahahahahahahaha* *snort*.

The host said he was thinking more like *imitates smoking a joint* and then we get the famous Hiddle-giggle.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh stop being adorkable!!!  Who thinks of being "stoned" as the ancient punishment!?!?!?  I am not a stoner and my first thought was toking it up.

Dawwwwww, that's so adorable, stahp!  Anyways there was this whole "he plays Loki" thing at the beginning and the crowd cheered.  Trevor is like no he's the bad guy! And his guest is like "well he is misunderstood" *ahhhhhh, hehehe*.  Then there is discussion about Crimson Peak (eeeeeeee, can't wait, I love scary movies!!!) and good lord he speaks so proper...I am so used to bastardized American Speak...what sorcery is this?!?  And I wasn't sure about him playing Hank Williams but his "Southern" accent was actually adorable or maybe I am blinded by his politeness....  How many times can I call a grown man adorable before it is weird???  He did drop one not quite as proper remark.  I don't remember the context but it was something about "getting high on that $hit *bleep*" which made me giggle again. 

So yea, I totally fangirled through the whole interview.  Anyone else do the same?  No...just me...well *plfeet*!

(insert thing you disagree with) is the DEVIL ~ Mama Boucher

Driving in to work, stopped in traffic, "Lalalaaaaaaaahhhhhhh what the f**k is that?!!?"

*raspy voice* "Come play with me"

Sweet baby Jes...Spongebob has been places, he's seen things.  He has been scorched by the hell-fire and lived to tell the tale.  He is now traveling the country on to warn us of what awaits should we continue on our heathenish path.  Or he is trying to tempt me to the dark side.  I haven't quite decided which one it is yet. Maybe if they have cookies (kidding). 

Speaking of hellish...things...WTF is this supposed to mean!?!?!?

Is this implying women are the devil in disguise, sent here to lead you astray?!?!?!  Listen here d**kwad, at least if you are going to make a "point" use proper sentences, *This speakS volumeS to me.  And if you ever want to get laid again, I suggest NOT comparing females to demons.  Yea yea, it says "adulterous" female in the text but wouldn't the SAME apply to an adulterous male?  Women aren't evil, men aren't evil, people aren't evil...INDIVIDUALS are evil.  Stop generalizing!  My point is, it is dumb.

Then I saw this and wanted to stab my eyeballs out.

First off, ew.  Nothing should be COVERED in the blood of ANYONE.  I know his "blood" is a metaphor for the sacrifice made to save us lowly creatures.  But, I REALLY want to post something so outrageous in response... And not because I want to knock their faith but because these same persons feel they have the "right" to bash my beliefs, attack me, and put me down for thinking differently.  NOT religion per se but other things I've posted about...like Equality, Racism, Rights, etc.  Anyways, I'm thinking pics....


Like this:

He is my fav movie devil

Or this:

The Devils Advocate

But I wont because then my mom will see it and I'll get an earful for being an @$$hole.  Which I'm really not trying to belittle their beliefs, I just don't...*ugh* Here and there is whatever but if you have to profess this to social media everyday that you are "Christian" and then act like a jerk-off to everyone who doesn't agree with you, you may have other issues...

Yes, yes good on you to have a very strong faith BUT I do not think Satan or Jesus checks your Facebook page.  And unless you somehow blessed the server where your page is hosted, your "page" isn't covered by anything accept web-crawlers trying to figure out your online patterns to post weirdo ads to your oh so "sacred" page.  So be careful when you are browsing for Porn sermons, Jesus/Satan may see it. 

What you mean I talk funny...?

In all my 30 odd years I have NEVER thought I had an accent.  Apparently I do but it isn't necessarily "Southern" and it isn't necessarily "Yat" but something mixed.  If you don't know what "Yat" is...well it is a way we speak in the NOLA area.  Its abrasive and most of it makes no sense unless you are from down here.  I KNOW there are a bazillion lists of "Words only New Orleanians know" or "Southern Slang" or whatever but in my profession I speak to quite a few peeps from out of town and now I am making my own list (if you don't like it, bite me). 

What brought this on?  Well I went to the store and my husband said "Are you making groceries?" to which I replied "Yes" without a second thought.  He said "the fact that you didn't even flinch at that terminology baffles me."  That is just what we say. I was brought up hearing that so it doesn't seem odd to me. Its not like he's from Canada or something...he's from 60 Miles north of NOLA!!!

So here is my list of $hit I say because I from NOLA/Louisiana: (don't shoot me if I spelled it "wrong".  There are like a million ways to spell some of dem. Also, different areas have different meanings for some...this is what they mean where I come from)

1.) Makin' Groceries - It means I am grocery shopping or going grocery shopping. 
2.) K&B Purple - It's a color that we can only apply to this particular local drug store chain that sold out to Rite Aid like 20 years ago. 

3.) Down the Bayou - South, usually anything South of Hwy 90.  i.e. Lafourche/Terrebonne/etc. Parishes
4.) Up the Bayou - Please don't make me explain that
5.) Going to The Island - Grand Isle, its all we got, shooosh
6.) Tha Parish - St. Bernard (Chalmette)
7.) Neutral Ground - It's not a median!
8.) Streetcar - It's not a Trolly!
9.) Hurricane - A really strong fruity drink that WILL kick your @$$
10.) A Storm - What most others call a Hurricane i.e. "There's a storm in the Gulf"
11.) The devil's beating his wife - Its raining while the sun is out
12.) Cockroach - A palmetto bug (bug who shall not be named), they effing fly!!!
13.) Doodlebug - Roly Poly, Pill Bug, those little grayish things in your garden that curl up into a ball!
14.)  Where'd you go to school? - We are asking about High School NOT college...its a thing...I can't explain it
15.) Grammar School - Primary School/Elementary School - I'm not sure if its a southern thing but people look at me funny when I say Grammar School...
16.) Boude' - Angry/Pout "Don't show me that Boude' face" usually said to a pouting child/baby
17.) Chouchoot - Thingy...usually an unidentifiable thingy...usually said when I can't remember the name of something.
18.) Bebette - a critter...something scary...a small monster...thing
19.) Dressed - This is something for Po-boys/Burgers/Sandwiches...basically its asking or stating you want Lettuce, Tomato, Pickles and Mayo
20.) Po-Boy - The most amazing sandwich ever!  Some might compare it to a hoagie or sub but its WAY better and on better bread (French Bread FTW!)
21.) Freesons - Goosebumps, Gooseflesh...a sign that you are cold
22.) Gris-gris - I ain't telling you, then you will know :P
23.) Envie - Craving "I got the envie for some pickles."  sometimes said when a woman has baby fever or is um feeling frisky "Ooooo that gurl got the envie"
24.) Peeshnick - like a pinch or flick
25.) Qui C'est q'ca? - What's that?
26.) Toc-toc - Also, known as Popcorn for you uninteresting people *wink*
27.) Trinity - Not the religious thing...this is for cooking (celery, onions and bell pepper) 
28.) Arrete toi - Stop! - Said to my puppy recently which got me some stares from the hubs
29.) Minou (Meenew) - Cat
30.) Couillon (Couyon) - idiot
31.) Cayoodle - Mutt
32.) Get Down - As in "You gonna get down at my house?" Like get out the car, go inside
33.) Pass by - Visit someone
34.) Shotgun - It's a house NOT a Weapon, well it is a weapon...it depends on context
35.) Mais, talk about - Obviously....Almost like saying well yea

minou

36.) Come see - Come over here
37.) Bobo - I had no idea this was a down here thing!  Its a cut or minor injury. 
38.) Brake Tag - Also known as an "Inspection Sticker" but I don't like saying that
39.) Go Cup - apparently in other areas you can't bring your alcoholic beverages out of the establishment...who knew
40.) Hickey - Not the thing ya boi gives you on your neck...its a bump on the head
41.) What is this North, South, East, West - Oh you mean Towards the lake, Towards the river, Uptown, Downtown...gotcha
 42.) Sunday Dinner - usually takes place around 2PM at Mimi's (Mamie, Mawmaw, Mamare, etc) house. And it's a BIG meal.

Dats all I got...for now...These are things I have said recently to out of towners and got the blank stare.   I love when they try to correct me...like I am not WRONG, or a Couillon (ha!), I just speak differently.

I just geeked out over a Crime Drama person...character...thing

Two posts in one day, count yourself lucky!  I was working on something for a Client and they said they needed to add someone to their account.  Okay, email me.

I just got the email...the new person wants his user info to be ahardy.  What?!?!?  Is he also grumpy and Scottish?!?  Please tell me he's at least a detective.

His name is not the same.  Darn, hahaha.  If his name would have been Alec or even Alex, I may have died laughing. But he is a security guard...I've been laughing for ten minutes.  Can you IMAGINE that character being a Mall Cop.  That would be HILARIOUS!  I watched the crap outta that, ha!

My co-workers are wondering why I find this so funny. Educate yourself people!  Watch British television, tee hee hee.