Follow your nose....actually don't....

Right anyways.  You ever just have a gut feeling?  Like something isn't blatantly obvious but you just know in your heart something is...off!

We got mussels to steam for dinner.  I have done this countless times.  We buy from the same place every time.  But something...something was nagging at me at the store.  We still got them though....

We washed and cooked them as soon as we got home.  I was sautéing onions and garlic in butter...hubs was washing and removing the dead ones (about 7...hmmmm that seems like a lot). 

There wasn't an "OMG WHAT IS THAT SMELL" moment like our friend up top had ....

I dumped in the wine and lemon juice, seasoning and dropped in the mussels. 

I have a really good sense of smell...like freakishly good.  Something didn't...it just wasn't...right...it was off.  As soon as I removed the lid my body recoiled.  Again nothing slapped me in the face but on some instinctive level my brain was screaming....

Hubs was like it smells fine, like steamed mussels in wine/butter sauce...

And they were fine.  Until I saw one that looked like something hubs hacked up during a sinus infection and then let dry in the sink. 

So I just moved it to the trash pile.  My lovely hubs had one also...he did not see an issue with the jerky looking YELLOW mussel...he immediately spit it out and gagged. 

I couldn't bring myself to eat anymore but I sniffed the "jerky looking one" (not the one he spit out!) and a memory came flooding back. 

An incident a few years back where we a  boiled sack of crawfish that about 1/3 of was dead.  For those non southerners...a few dead ones are gonna slip in...but they are usually like freshly dead.  1/3 of a 40 lb sack is A LOT and these were hidden in the center of the live ones...and pale...clearly been dead...a while! 

The smell...it...its hard to describe but its like rotting flesh that you seasoned really well and then laid in the sun...for a week. 

A friend compared it to badussy...but I think that was being kind...

Clearly, there must have been a few LONG dead mussels in the pot that we missed.  In such a small sample just a couple, spoils the WHOLE pot. 

It wasn't the slap you in the face funky cooch smell from the crawfish boil but clearly I smelled something that had been dead...a while...

Lesson...trust your gut.  If its telling you food is spoiled...its probably spoiled.  And I don't mess with bad seafood....I've had that...talk about wanting to die...worst food poisoning of my LIFE! See this Post...

Stop with the SPAM

I Can't handle it anymore.  And no I don't mean the ungodly number of Junk Emails I get (I mean stop that too). I mean the freaking commercials for SPAM.

Look I eat some weird things.  I will try most things. But these commercials are GROSSING ME OUT.  I know it's a cheap alternative to add protein to a diet.  And I shouldn't judge since it may be the only thing keeping some people nourished, but it just looks so unhealthy.  And I know I have eaten Vienna Sausages in the past.  But SPAM...something about it just weirds me out.

First it was SPAMburger making a come back.

then SPAM stir fry

now SPAM tacos. 

"Mmmm Pork Favor" 

 Sorry but I can't....seeing it fried in a pan just doesn't look yummy to me....am I weird?!?!?

I'm sorry but who DOES these things?!? Gross, gross...ewwwwwww

I might not be able to pass a "health inspector" test but I do keep my kitchen mostly spotless.  I am not a slob nor am I am neat freak but I do take special precautions when fixing food.

This list prompted this. "19 Gross Kitchen Habits You Probably Definitely Have"

I don't...am I weird for NOT doing these????  I'm gonna list some of them below for ease of reading but you should look at the link.

2. Prepping raw meat, especially poultry, without constantly washing and sanitizing any surface it touches.

Who the f**k touches anything after dealing with raw meat!?!?!?  That's just nasty.  Germs and bacteria aside...do you WANT slimy chicken funk or BLOOD on your counters?!?!!  Wash your f**king hands!

4. Not properly disinfecting or bleaching your cutting board.

Again, why would ANYONE cut raw meat and then use the same board for veggies???  

5. Using a sponge for way too long.

Who uses and keeps sponges?!?!?  Those are just germ factories.  I know it would be expensive but if you must use them, toss them afterwards.  I just don't use them.  After one use they smell funny, even if you rise them well and let them dry out properly. 

7. Forgetting to disinfect the bottom of your kitchen sink — and eating stuff that’s dropped down there.

 What the actual f**k?!?!?!  My sink is spotless and shiny and I wouldn't eat from it! 

8. Wiping your counters down with a dirty sponge or rag.

OMG just no!  Use a Clorox wipe or a spray with a paper towel.  

9. Not sanitizing or replacing your dish brushes often enough.

They are $1 at the Dollar Tree.  You have zero excuses.  If you are that cheap run them through the dishwasher (the brush not the sponge) and be done with it.  

10. Cooking while you’re sick, especially with a stomach bug.

Who even wants to see food much less smell it RAW while sick with a stomach?!!?!?  If you must "cook" for your family while ill, order pizza.  If you have a husband put him to work.  If you absolutely have to cook wear a mask and for god's sake WASH YOUR HANDS! 

14. Letting your cat walk all over the counters where you prepare and eat food.

Bad kitty!  My cats are sprayed with water if they go in the kitchen.  And because I know they can be little $hits when I'm not home, I wipe my counters down before and after I cook.  Its for my own sanity even though I am fairly certain they just sleep all day.  

15. Forgetting to rinse your produce.

Stop being lazy!!!  It takes almost zero time to rise your food off.  Just think about everyone touching the produce at the grocery...and the pre-washed stuff....haven't you seen those pictures of creatures trapped in the bags.  Just don't take a chance and wash it!

 

16. Leaving leftovers in the fridge for too long.

I don't agree with the 5 day rule.  My rule is 1 week-ish.  Leftovers don't usually last that long in my house but if they don't I use the smell and look test.  Its smells okay, cool...no mold, great.  Anything that MIGHT be thinking about developing...nuke it in the microwave...there safe...right.  Longer than a week...I usually just toss for my own sanity.  

17. Using the same old hand towel to dry dishes and your hands.

Gross!  I picked up our hand towel the other day and freaked.  One of us must have wiped food on it.  It smelled like dead animal *gag*.   We don't hand dry most things.  We put them on the drying rack overnight.  If it must be dried right away we grab a fresh towel and then toss it in the wash after or use paper towels.  Yes that can be wasteful but I don't like dying, so yea. 

19. Forgetting to wash your hands the right way. All. The. Time.

Are you f**king kidding me?!?  Come on people!  Soap up and sing happy birthday. I do think constant, OCD type washing is bad.  But you should still do some washing because OTHER people are nasty.  You touch door knobs, light switches, faucet handles, etc it wont kill you to wash-up.  I am not a germ-a-phob but I work with a bunch of disgusting people so I have hand sanitizer on my desk.  I don't like plague...thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I grew a wang

Hahahaha did I make you spit out your drink??? *whoohoo*

But seriously...I did grow one just not in the sense you might be thinking.  Over the last few weeks we really haven't been home.  So I have been neglecting our food resources.  There are certain staples we ALWAYS have in our house.  Rice, Pasta, Eggs, Cheese, Onions & Potatoes.  That might seem like an odd combo but you can survive off of those if you have nothing else.

Anyways, since our Mardi Gras-ing is over I started trying to get back into things like cooking and cleaning (ugh, I hate cleaning).  Last Friday we decided we wanted to fry up some shrimp and potatoes.  *whoohoo* "Free" dinner because I had shrimps in the freezer and a bag of potatoes in the pantry. 

**Note**

Yes, I know the plural of Shrimp is Shrimp but some people 

'round here say "Shrimps", so I say it as a haha.

Moving on!  I pulled out 5 potatoes to clean and slice and this came out.

What in the world?!?  It was the only one that sprouted which isn't that odd or why I am "what in the world-ing".  We've already established I have an overactive imagination.  Look at it!  Look closely...closer....CLOSER!  It looks like an alien pee pee *giggle, giggle*.  I emphasize the ALIEN part because if your man has a wee that looks like that...run away...run far FAR away!  Maybe I am reading too much off the wall fanfiction (stop judging me, some of it is really interesting) but my first thought was "OMG Alien Wang!"  And now I just can't unsee the pee pee.

Use your imagination!!! It's got a fairly defined "tip" (not the green sprout, I don't know what that is...maybe a "tickler"...). It has "spikes".  It is WAY tooooo crooked.  This all just screams Martian reproductive organ.  On second thought maybe I should be the one writing off the wall fanfiction...hmmmm.

I didn't have the heart to cut it off and cook the potato or toss it (why am I having feelings for a potato penis!?!?) so I let it be.  I kind of want to see what becomes of my Alien appendage.  I won't lie (that I can't deny.)  Why am I quoting Limp Bizkit?!?! Oh right..Nookie...*snicker, snicker* ... anyway, I want to see if it gets bigger and looks even more phallic *muahahahaha*.

And the clumsiness continues

Maybe I need to lock myself in a padded room until it passes... o_O

Last week an item...a REALLY heavy item came crashing through the ceiling (not at my house).  Scared the ever living crap out of me!  I thought the world was ending.  What is really funny is people who weren't in the vicinity when it happened immediately thought I fell somehow.  Wow, my reputation really precedes me *sigh*.  Anyway, it was one of those "golly gee glad I wasn't in that spot just now" moments.   All while I was checking to make sure I didn't wee on myself.  Thankfully I had recently used the rest room! But at that point I decided it was time to head home because I clearly didn't need to be out in public. 

So I attempted cooking again...I've cooked just fine for the past few days with no problems then last night...yea.

I've been cooking on my own since I was 17.  I know how to cook without burning things.  Last night I managed to burn veggies while trying to boil them.  I have no idea how I did this.  I was standing right freaking there!!!  I was stirring the pasta when I smelled something funky.  I thought some water had spilled out the pot and onto the burner.  Then I looked at the pot.  I couldn't see the veggies, only white fog.  Yea that's right, it is so unlike me to actually burn anything my first thought was fog!  "Hmmm, how in the world would fog get in my pot?!?"  When my brain finally caught up the smoke alarm was going off, crap!  I took it off the burner and ran out the back door.  There was screaming "Ahhhhhhhhh!" as I ran with a smoking pot and was coughing *hack, hack, wheeze* care of the smoke.  I put it down to go back inside and open windows.  Mind you while all this is going on the hubs is saying "trying to burn down the house, haha", but he is still playing his video game. Meanwhile I am running around like a nut case trying to get the alarm to stop and open windows.  I ran back out to see if any of the veggies were salvageable...that is when I realized what I did.  I walked back inside and laid on the floor while mumbling into my arm "that's it I give up *grumble, grumble, moan*".

You see, I put the smoking pot down on the patio table...which is plastic...So now I have burnt veggies in one of my nice pots melted onto my patio table.  The smell was horrific...thankfully it was outside now.  But the only way to pry the pot off of the table was to use my gardening shears...like the big ones to cut bushes.  I looked like I belonged in "American Psycho", but I was hacking at a table/pot and not a person.  When it popped off without breaking the table I danced around in a circle waiving my shears in the air, "Whoohoo".  Looking back I probably looked a little insane. 

The veggies were tossed, thankfully I didn't burn the pasta and the rest of dinner was okay.  But now my house smells like a burnt fart.  Ewwwwwww!

I have a boyfriend!

Who-da thought that would happen anytime soon?!

So yea if you haven't heard yet I am actually in a relationship of sorts. And the good thing is when he said "I really like you and was wondering if you would want to be my girlfriend..." I didn't have a spaz attack and say I wasn't ready ;) haha. I was like yea I would like that. So that's good right?!

Anyways, I am really happy. He is just a great guy. He acts like a guy (not like a sissy mommas boy :P), shows me he likes me and is just a lot of fun to be around.

He called me yesterday at work and asked if I would come over after work. I made sure my roomie would be home to let the pups out and said sure. He cooked for me... Like not a frozen pizza, he actually cooked. Nothing fancy (shake and bake pork chops and Pasta Roni) but its the thought that counts right ;) haha. His twin actually talked this time... I think he said 6 words ;). Younger guy said both of them are a little quiet around new people. So he never says anything when I am over there except calls the puppy who loves to follow me and younger guy around, hehe.

Well yesterday his twin and I were making fun of him while he was trying to cook...kinda a bonding momnet... hahaha. But that was the extent of our talking. It was fun. Of course at one point I started helping with the preperations and he was like "Hey, no, I am doing the cooking, haha" I was like my bad, its kinda a habit..have fun :D.

We hung out for a few hours and it was really nice. I hope it stays like this. I don't want to over think things but I really think we could have something pretty good. I guess we'll see :)