Keep your tacos to yourself!

I have so many questions.  

I literally decided NOT to do tacos for dinner because of this article!

What the actual F**K?!!?

This is why aliens don't visit us.

 How can I unsee this?!?!!

Don't read the article it's so much worse.

Actually read it so I am not alone... READ IT

I need to bleach my brain.

So long and thanks for all the fish

I'm pretty sure there is a book...and a movie that said something like this...

Link

I thought this was going to be profound....

"They simply won't notice, the same way a construction crew demolishes an anthill to build real estate because they lack incentive to protect it," 

Soooo unless they are building a "hyperspatial express route.", Earth is unnoticeable? 

DAMMIT!

OR we will be the Space Orcs of the Universe and destroy everything. 

"He suggests that once a civilization reaches the capabilities of spreading across the stars, it will inevitably wipe out all other civilizations."

Hmmmm.  The below is a fav of mine...it was hard to pick just one...I love Humans being the scary ones... its a little long but F**king hilarious!

Humans. The Orcs of space.

You know you have too much money when you pay to put baby foreskin on your face

What the actual f**k Hollywood?!?!?!  Look I get it, you want to look younger.  So do I but I draw the line at Korean Baby Foreskin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IFL Science posted this LINK.  I just...what?!?!?

This can't be real.  "Cate Blanchett credits her youthful glow to a treatment that uses the foreskins of Korean newborn babies. Aka, a penis facial."  Oh come on Kate...really...? 

Blanchett told Vogue Australia. "It’s something – I don’t know what it is, or whether it’s just cause it smells a bit like sperm – there’s some enzyme in it so Sandy refers to it as the penis facial."

REALLY?!?!?  It smells like sperm?!?!?  I can't with you people! 

All I can picture is people laying on a table with a bunch of tiny foreskins stuck to their faces!!!!! And that my friend is wrong on soooooooooooooooo many levels.

Its the best I can do.  I refuse to google "foreskin mask". That's just asking for gross stuff. 

Okay the actual name isn't Penis Facial.  "the Hollywood EGF facial. It involves a cleanse, an intensive TCA peel, micro-needling, an electrifying mask, and, finally, FDA-approved Epidermal Growth Factor (EGF) serum."

Hold up, swol up....how do we know its the EGF (Foreskin Goop) making you look younger?!?!  Couldn't it have been the 10 other things you had done BEFORE the dick cream??????

Also, "EGF is derived from the progenitor cells of the human fibroblast taken from Korean newborn baby foreskin" does it only work if its Korean newborn foreskin??? What if we can get you a deal on American or Mexican or Canadian Foreskin...? 

$650 & 2 year waiting list to have ground up baby penis skin rubbed into your freshly needled face. 

If you want a real "penis facial" I'll charge you $250 to sit in a steamy bathroom and let Fetish Frank jizz on your face and then rub it in.  Hell, I bet Frank would do it for free. 

What is even happening?!?!?

Apparently, its synthetically made in a lab...but if it is why does it keep saying Korean Baby Foreskin?!?!!?!?!

Side Note:  When I googled "y'all need Jesus gif" I got the below and now I am so confused!!!

Do you want a goat boy? Because that's how you get goat boy!

Link

We spent so much time thinking if we could, we didn't stop to think if we should...

I kid, I kid...*pahhahahaha* and I crack myself up!

STG my first thought was

GOAT BOY!  These skits used to crack me up!

Brief clip at 00:10. SNL doesn't let their stuff on YouTube so I'm limited but can I say...damn I miss the 90's.  That $hit was f**king funny!

On a serious note, they are doing this to see if we can grow human organs in other animals but all I could picture was f**king Jim Breuer bleeting on SNL!

Off Topic - This was his funniest stand up. He had many but this one stays with me.  Jim Breuer about Alcohol

That is a Graboid, Suckoid, Snakeoid...STUMPY!!!!

I've seen Tremors...everybody RUN!!!!

No wait...don't run...stay still...and get to high ground...

But seriously....WTF is that?!?  My friend sent me the twitter screen shot...said "LOL its a sand worm".

So I started Googling and found...

 of course IFLScience posted something.... LINK

Apparently more than likely "it's a fangtooth snake-eel, otherwise known as the "tusky" eel."  

F**king Harvey brought up some poor Alien from deep in the ocean....Can you imagine that swimming at you while you are swimming for your life...

Talk about a stinging sensation in your nether regions......

Okay this one is a month or so old but I just came across it and WTF people?!?  I am going to say this again...

QUIT PUTTING WEIRD $HIT IN (or around) YOUR VAGINA!!!

LINK

Wait does that say "handmade".  I know its Etsy but no thanks....also...from MALAYSIA *danger Will Robinson*

"The instructions advise customers to boil the oak galls and then use them as a feminine hygiene wash around the time of their period. It also advises drinking one boiled oak gall for 40 days to “restore elasticity of the uterine wall.”"

Oak Galls...that's a fancy name for a wasp nest.  Well a GALL wasp...nest.  

Then it says "popular misconceptions about sexual health and the vagina. Namely, the myth that only tight and dry vaginas are desirable and healthy."

WHAT?!?!  I've heard of wanting a tight one *rolling eyes* but a dry one.  That sounds AWFUL! Who wants someone going in dry.  That sounds horribly painful for ALL involved.   *shudder*

The internet is great but these fly by night pseudoscience crazies are seriously endangering people with their crap.  

You want a tighter vajayjay do some kegels.  A dry who-ha is NOT healthy...just...please talk to a medical professional before sticking anything...unusual...in or around your happy hole, especially something that promises some crazy whatever results.  

You get f**king World War Z!!! How do you not know this??????

So I saw this:

That was 100% my first thought.  You want to know what happens?  You get the Zombie Apocalypse.  Hopefully not Cheetahs on Speed Zombies but Zombies none the less.  It pretty much will be the Walking Dead.  Okay maybe they are "basically" still ALIVE but their brain function would be so jacked up that they would be walking corpses.

Some of it could be because we all turned into a bunch of whiny b**ches when we get sick! Doctors over prescribe antibiotics.  We don't always need one to get better.  We SHOULD be letting our bodies fight off infections.  Other reasons may include antibiotics in livestock and pharmaceutical companies not investing in NEW antibiotics to fight the new resistant strains.  Its some scary stuff.

I guess it really is a type of evolution on the micro scale.  Something harms the colony, some develop ways to resist this threat, those live and reproduce creating an antibiotic resistant strain of something simple like strep *gulp*...that sounds awful. Think about them evolving at unheard of speeds and we have a major issue.  Soooo what do we do?!?!?  How can we stop this?!?!  Can it be stopped?!?!?!!?!?!

I mean this is basically what all those "crazy" end of days movies are about.  World War Z, 28 Days Later, Outbreak, Contagion, I am Legend, etc.  In most of those scenarios this "virus" turns us into mindless, violent, pathogen spreading super "humans", who usually tend to make god awful screaming noises and do this weird f**king clicking with their teeth.  Seriously why does the creepy cheetah on speed zombie doctor have to click his f**king teeth!?!?!?!? 

I don't scare easy but that $hit gives me to heebie jeebies!!!!!!

In other cases we just all walk around coughing crud into each others faces like a bunch of animals causing more people to get the crazy world ending virus.

Either way sounds like a big ol' pain in the @$$ that I'd rather not be a part of.  

FFS people, stop putting weird $hit in your Vagina!

Clearly this is a female TMI, so you have been warned!

I don't know what your momma taught you but good lord!  At least do some research before putting strange items in your lady parts!!!!!!  Link to the article.

Dear God, Why?!?!?!

First of all they look like a those snap pop fire crackers and to me that screams "Danger Will Robinson!" 

Second they strangely resemble illustrations of sperm. 

Third its a small bag of herbs your insert into your hoohah...three times a month-ish for four months, just why!?!

Foreign objects in your vag can cause issues.  We already have 3-7 days a month where we kind of have to put something else in there.  It's a "delicate" balance!!!  They tell us not to "flush" things out for the same reasons.  So why why why why would you put a detox bag in there???   Sooooo, if you have funk go to the DOCTOR!!! Or eat healthier.  Or drink more water.  Or use a condom. I don't know, just stop doing this. 

Look, I am a firm believer in some holistic...herbal...essential oil treatments but there is a point...it's just...some things you just shouldn't do.

My body doesn't like certain perfumes & deodorizers (see previous post)....something tells me an herbal tampon would not go over well.   Angry arm pits, I can deal with.  I'd rather not have an angry $natch just saying. 

Favorite quote: "Your uterus isn’t tired or depressed or dirty and your vagina has not misplaced its chakra," Dr. Jen Gunter said.

That's right, this article made me channel ERIC CARTMAN!

Also, if you are brave...go to the product page and check out the "discharge" pics.  

I'm a girl...I know, uh, what's up with lady things and I REALLY did not need to see any of that.  To me that looks like you body reacting poorly to the insert...yea its "cleansing" itself...because you stuck a bag of dried plants in it.  

Like I've always said to each his (her) own but this is one of those things I just don't agree with.  

This is from The Onion, right? Surely, America isn't really THIS uneducated...?

So I saw this:

My initial thought was "Ohhhh, someone at IFLS is getting in trouble....they done posted an Onion Article as fact".  And then I read the IFLS Article and the REAL NEWS ARTICLE and I face palmed so hard people are gonna think my husband beats me. 

In a town on North Carolina, a council REJECTED a new Solar Farm...mind you they have other solar farms already in use from what I gather...below were some of the arguments against it.  Its not direct quotes but the main ideas came from article linked at the bottom...

- A retired science teacher is concerned that photosynthesis would not happen and would keep the vegetation from growing. She said she has observed areas near solar panels where vegetation is brown and dead because it did not receive enough sunlight.

- She also questioned the high number of cancer deaths in the area, saying no one could tell her that solar panels didn’t cause cancer.

 

- You’re killing your town, All the young people are going to move out.

- The solar farms would suck up all the energy from the sun and businesses would not come to Woodland.

How can people actually believe anything of that nature?!?!?  This isn't the dark ages...do they not know how basic science works???  Okay, I get being unaware...MAYBE...but it is 2015 at least RESEARCH before you spew this nonsense.  We aren't depleting an energy source, we are using something that we already have in a different way.   Harnessing the "power" of the Sun will not make the sun go out!!!  Solar panels don't "steal sunlight" from plants and kill them, that is silly (science teacher my left ovary).  Solar panels don't cause cancer.  Prolonged exposure to the sun causes cancer...solar panels don't pull in more "rays" to the area.  So unless you are sitting inside the solar panel farm,  on top of a f**king solar panel (I don't recommend this...as someone said...you would fry before the cancer got you), you aren't getting increased exposure. 

Another commentor said "Pretty sure the young people aren't moving away from Woodland because of the solar farms. I'm pretty sure they are moving away from that town because the folk who inhabit it are missing a few chromosomes." (agreed) 

IFLS Article
News Article
Facebook Post

Oh look honey, skyscrapers IN the...sky...?...wait......what.......noooo.......*run away, run away*

Whaaaaaa...?

Soooo I saw this today and just...hmmmm.  Read the article because it explains it as an optical illusion (fata morgana) but...but...but...I dunno.  Again, there is a whole group of scientists saying "nothing to see here, nothing to see, move along" meanwhile the cracks in the universe are back and Pete's world is bleeding through...or is that "Peter's World"...is it Gallifrey??? Oh $hit, I hope not...Nah, not pompous enough...Or did Ultron steal another city? Did anyone check to see if a City is "missing"???  Maybe Jack planted that stupid beans again...crap, giants are @$$holes.  Did anyone read Saga of the Seven Suns...?  Is it a mining facility?  Are the Hydrogues & Faeros going to show up and burn us all to ash?!?!?  These were my thoughts BEFORE the article...This one I didn't think of but it is applicable, GLITCH IN THE MATRIX, call Neo we have a problem.  Also, someone said "Asgard confirmed" which, okay yea I guess I get that one too but it wasn't my first thought.

My confusion (and inner conspiracy theorizing) is because they say the reason we see it is because our eyes/brain can't compensate for the refracted light causing us to see "things" that aren't there.  But...but how does the camera capture it?  Like I get that the camera is seeing the same refracted light but wouldn't putting it on "film" disperse the illusion?  Kind of like when we try to take a picture the majestic moon and end up with a pin head dot in a sea of black.  And wouldn't people be seeing DIFFERENT things if it's an illusion?  Or is this like a group think thing?  Because a few people said "city" every one is now seeing a city.  Or is it really a reflection of the city below...but I didn't see a city below that looked like that...I so confused.

I dunno man, it's just weird and apparently has happened before.  Someone said this happened in China around 2008 ...another city in the sky.  What are the freaking chances of that?!? Where is Mr. Tsoukalos to explain this?!?!?

SIDE NOTE - I am being silly for the most part.  I do understand science, etc.  I just think the explanation is weird.

$hit, if it's going to be that kind of a party I'm gonna stick my d**k in the mashed potatoes

In times of confusion I find myself drawn to the wise words of the Beastie Boys, well not actually but that's where I know this line *tee hee hee*.  Its actually from  a comedian, Mantan Moreland on his album That Ain't My Finger.

I am feeling very all over today so this post will in fact be all over.  Try to keep up...you may want to take a Dramamine just in case. 

Here is my WTF Facebook moment of the week (and by FB, I mean YouBeauty):

Why!?!?!!?  At first I thought it was going to be one of THOSE articles where I go "OMG, don't stick that in there!" But then I read it and its just "normal" things.  And by normal, I mean things that are meant to go in there....like a Kegal thingy or a DivaCup or a vibrator that you wear all the time that can be activated REMOTELY by your lover *stupid stare*.  Can you imagine being in a board meeting when your man (or woman) decides to f**k with this thing?  "You see over here are our potential earn-ahhhhhhh-ings...whew, um anyway.  This is where we want to be-ahhhhhhh *moan*." Ha!

I think it would have been far more interesting to read if it had been OTHER things.  Like, "you wouldn't believe what this Soccer Mom got stuck in her hoohah" (insert pic of kids toy).  Ya know something interesting.

This fascinates and terrifies me:

I know the article is just saying they discovered it and that is REALLY cool.  But it makes me think about how scientists will sometimes do things just because they can...even if there are FOUR movies that tell us why we probably shouldn't just because we can. 

I mean I'd still be one of those idiots that goes to the park and probably get eaten by a Velociraptor but HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?!?!

Also, I saw this and my 1st thought was "OMG I LOVE that skirt!"

Wait...that's a...maybe I could still wear it...no...*le sigh*

Then...then...THEEEEEEN! One of my lovely "friends" sent me this:

First thought "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Second thought "why the f**k would you send THIS to me of all people?!?!?"  Third (and most important) thought "They better not try to Jurassic Park this thing!"   I've seen it before but didn't read it.  I know the article is like a month old but *shudder*.  I personally feel like this specimen should be burned in fire.  Actually it should be doused in holy oil, wrapped in spark paper and dropped into the burning pits of hell!  You know why?!?!  Because it is an effing "bug who shall not be named!" When the world ends they will be the only thing left standing!   Which also means if you try to burrow this thing outta the amber and get a "closer" look there is a very good chance the f**ker is still alive in some sort of stasis and once the air hits it, it will come alive and wreak havoc on our unsuspecting world!  It will mate with the already near indestructible "bug who shall not be named" of our time and create a super critter that will have me running for the hills.  Unless they infest the hills then I'll wrap myself in a giant bubble/hamster ball thing, stock pile RAID, and hope I am safe.  You think the ones we have now are brazen, imagine a "predatory" one.  And how do they know its "predatory"?!?!  Does the f**king thing have fangs or something?!?!?! I'm going to have nightmares for weeks!

**Side note** I didn't read the article...why would I read an article about that?!!??!


Seriously though...today I relate to this on a spritual level....:

The wheel is my brain...

I'm going drink more caffeine and run a few laps around my office. 


 

I thought boys were told NOT to stick IT in "random" holes

Also known as a Glory Hole (I'm not defining that, look it up)...boys are so weird!

I mean I don't have one of those appendages but I can't imagine looking at a random "hole" and being like "I'm gonna stick my d**k in it", just saying.  With that said IFLScience posted an article (see here)  that made me question reality and weep for the future of humanity (hahaha).

Soooo instead of using your, um, hands at the Hospital/Donor/Doctor's office to get a sample you use this monstrosity, "because you are shy" or whatever.  But wouldn't this be just as uncomfortable?

Would it be in a private room? Would it be like a room full of these and a bunch of guys standing around with their pants around their ankles while a machine sucks them off?  How do you "clean it" after every use? Can you ensure you don't mix the "samples"? How long before someone gets "stuck" in it because it wont "let go"?  Apparently there are different settings you use to control the experience...but wouldn't  that be distracting?  "OMG so close, wait gotta change the intensity from gentle massage to Hoover with a twisting motion."  These are legitimate questions!!!  It seems so weird to me but I am a girl so I guess I will never understand...IFLScience hit the nail on the head with the below statement.

"We're not entirely convinced that standing in a room shared by many other people and being milked like a cow is going to help, but their efforts are commendable. Here’s to technology."
~ Best quote EVER!

Seriously though I have this mental image of a bunch of guys standing around getting their jollies...and it isn't for anything medical related.  I see this being used in OTHER places...its basically a robotic prostitute.  Sorry escorts, looks like you may have some competition.  I am assuming nothing can replace a warm body BUT this might be a less guilt inducing alternative.  The future is here, people. 

Side note, the FB comments were pretty funny!

P.S.  Skynet will be harvesting the "samples" to create a race of cybernetic organisms to destroy the human race.  Our horniness will be our downfall.  I think I just discovered the origin plot for the Terminator.