I fail at flirting

So, I played third wheel the other night with my bestie and her beau.  I wasn't driving so I partook in some libations.  Maybe more than some.  Okay maybe more than my little body should.  Alright, I got little pieyied (sp?). 

I had three 20 oz Oktoberfest beers...THREE!  That is 60 ounces of beer... I am not that big.  Anyways, when getting my last beer the following occurred between me and the guy serving me.

Guy: You should come back
Me: I am next weekend
Guy: No sooner
Me: 

Guy: *laughing* Like, before we close 

Me: 

Guy: How about 20 min, here?

Me:

No, Married

Guy: 

What's your name?

Me: 

Married

Guy: Well this is on the house, "Married". Be here in 20 min and we'll pretend you're not.

Me: 

Guy: *yelling* 20 minutes baby girl!

OMG Really?!?!!?

And no I did NOT return. 

It seriously took me way too long to realize he was hitting on me!  I mean I'm, uh, flattered but take the 'No' for an answer dude.  My rings were plain as day...just...thanks but stop.

You make me want to light my computer on fire...and then throw it at you!

If I get  randomly added to one more Facebook group I am going to lose my $hit!!!

I don't want to "get oily"...I like EOs but I've been added to seven...SEVEN different "online groups", get help people!

I don't want longer lashes...well I do but not for that kind of money...f**k off!

I don't want to reduce the signs of aging...okay maybe I do but again not for $$$$$$$$ for a month's supply...suck my toe!

I don't want stick on nail polish...seriously?!?!!? Didn't I use this as a kid bc nail polish was messy...?

I don't have f**king kids, quit trying to sell me a subscription to Christian kids books

I don't want a new makeup...trust me it isn't that Unique...eat a d**k!

Those leggings are f**king hideous, who are you trying to fool?!?!

My $15 workout clothes work just fine I don't need a gold lined sports bra with pillowed inserts made of virgin sheep fur or whatever.......

I like my drug store lip gloss...why the f**k do my lips need $45 tint...?  Yea yea "but it stays on"...Ya know what so does Maybeline super stay and its $10.

I don't need to create a pendant or bracelet from tiny charms and be charged $$$$$$$$ for it...there is a thing called a craft store (or Amazon)...$20, done! Or Etsy....I like Etsy...

Also, if you add me as a friend bc we knew each other in HS, I am generally happy to catch up with you.  But then try to sell me something I am going to show up on your doorstep and squirt you with a water bottle ...

*squirt squirt* "No! Bad Friend...BAD!"

Don't get me wrong, I think its great these women (and some men) are trying to earn some extra cash and it doesn't bother me to see their pics/products in my timeline. BUT adding me to random groups makes me Stabby.

Invite me, fine great, I'll just ignore it.  But I hate that they can just add me.  "Hey NOLAGurl, that chick you haven't seen in 20 years just added you to her new makeup group.".  And then you are suddenly blasted with 15 rapid fire notifications.

And I do not want to become a re-seller!!! Its like a ponzi scheme...right? "I'm a seller, I recruit you so now I get ___% of your sales on top of mine.  You recruit someone and you get ___% of their sales and I get ___% of your %.  Oh and did I mention you have to 'buy in'.  Don't worry its only $1,000". What?!?! Or some crazy BS like that.  That's a scam right, that sounds like a scam...its a scam...?!?!?!  I just can't see the ROI being quick or even there...

UPDATE - I purposefully did not post anything about what happened in Las Vegas.  I am saddened and heartbroken...its a scary scary world.