That was not Gus Gus!

It's getting "cooler" finally but we live in the south so its 52 in the AM and 80 by midday. 

But with it getting cooler.....something has found its way into our attic and it made me realized I didn't share my horror story from LAST Winter.  

... kidding.  But it was early 2024 and it was TRAUMATIZING!

I was sitting at my desk and I heard a scratching noise.  A few days later it sounded like MULTIPLE creatures were playing WWE in the attic.  WTAF Bruh!

Now a few years ago we had a critter problem and used poison in the attic... NEVER AGAIN!  Those f**kers would fall down the damn wall and we'd have f**king fly-mageddon in the house which was traumatizing!

Anyways we got the snap traps.  Look I know its not great but I refuse to use glue traps...these are basically instant death and its easier to dispose of them..in theory. 

I'm at our little bar pouring some wine and I hear a loud **SNAP**.  Followed by the most horrific screeching and then **thump thump thump thump** above me.  

WTAF?!?!?!  It's supposed to be instant death...AHHHH!

So we venture into the attic and the trap is GONE!  This Mother F**ker must have only got a leg stuck and ran and jumped OVER the edge of the ceiling and got stuck in the flashing outside.  We can't get to it but can hear it outside flip flopping around. 

Well f**k me!  For two f**king days I can hear it just outside of my office slowly dying and I feel awful because I can't give it a swift end.  

I am in the DEEPEST sleep when lil bit and speedy lose their f**king cheerios! It was 2AM and they were going nuts.  I let them out of the bedroom and they ran into the living room and stared at the ceiling.  Ah beans... did we catch something?!?!?!

The next day hubs went into the attic and it did not suffer **whew**.

I am cooking dinner and hear a **SNAP**.  Hubs goes to investigate and I hear laughing through the ceiling.  He calls my name to come see.  Trap is triggered and there is blood but no critter... f*********ck!  Its gonna die in the GD wall!

I get home from an outing and hear something in the attic.  I tell hubs to go check.  He does and is like UMMMMMM.  I go up there and there is another one caught but its VERY alive and flip flopping all over the place.  We managed to grab the trap with a grabber and bring it out front.  I didn't ask what he did but we counted the trap as a "loss".  Lovely.  

About this time I start to smell something funky in the guest bath.  Like not awful but not great.  Over the next two days its definitely dead body smell. We look in the attic but its not up there....its in a wall or under the tub... F********CK!  I have to block off the bathroom and back bedroom because we have fly-mageddon.  

I put up fly traps and sprayed daily.  I stopped counting when I swept up 150 flies.   

All in all we caught/killed 5 RATS.  These weren't little mice...these were RATS and we couldn't figure out how they were getting in.  

So hopefully whatever I heard the other day doesn't lead to this again because it was Traumatizing AF!

Is it like a strap on or something???

I haven't searched for....so why is this a suggestion for me?!!?

Wait, wait wait.. just for Lesbian women...that is very specific.

Well now I'm curious but I don't want to click it because for the next 20 years it will be one of my "Hey a deal you looked at..." emails...

Whatever, now I am dying to click the link but am refraining for my future sanity.

Yo, that ain't Mickey

So I went from living in a re-purposed swamp (suburb of a suburb) to a suburb.  Anyways, I've had just as much if not more Wildlife at the new place...WTF?!

Its because I live near a canal...has to be...right?!  We've had all sorts of interesting critters *yay*.  I don't mind really except my dogs try to play with them and then I start yelling like a banshee and its just not good!

So the other night we had a low key BBQ and hung out.  Around midnight I went outside to close the grill and let the pups tee tee before bed.  As I was reaching for the grill handle in my blissfully buzzed state I noticed eyes...

then brown/gray fur...

then a tail...

just below the grate....

my brain put it together very slowly okay (beer is good, yea). 

Not my pic but something like this was in my grill

I didn't freak out, I just said "um, hello there Ratatouille". 

It was frozen staring at me breathing super fast. 

"Sweetie...there seems to be a terrified mouse taking refuge in our grill".  He responded "just close it, he'll go away".  What?!?

I got the pups who didn't seem know where it was and backed up to the door.  I didn't want it to try to run inside.  About 10 min later I am getting ready for bed and hear chaos outside, hmmmm. 

He tried to "kill" it...it went under our slab...GREAT!

The next morning I was greeted by a rather large intact male tom cat.  We do not have a male cat or an outside cat for that matter.  He is gray...with white paws and a white chest.  "Ummmm hello....". 

He jumped up on our bench and demanded scritches.  He looks healthy so I am guessing a neighbors kitty.   He went to the "hole" where the mouse disappeared *hmmm*. 

So yea, its not Ratatouille...I am 99% certain the real life Tom & Jerry have claimed my yard.  Tom tried to come in (not happening).  So we made an arrangement.  He can hang out by my house and I will give him scritches if he catches and kills Jerry.  He said "re-owwwwwww" and nibbled my arm.  I think that means deal.  It might mean "feed me b**ch I'm hungry" but I'm choosing to believe we have an understanding.

How long does smoke smell linger?

So growing up in a household with a smoker, I know how *shudder* much that smell can get into EVERYTHING!  I also know it can stick around for quite some time. 

I ask because our house will randomly smell like smoke.  Now we are 99.9% certain the previous owners smoked in here maybe back in the 90's and I know the carpet and at least one closet probably still carry the smell a bit. 

But I am not talking about the "stale" smoke smell.  It randomly smells like someone just lit a cigarette right next to us.  At first we ignored it but one night we had just gotten home and were talking in the front room and both of us smelled it.  You know the smell.  Its different than the old smoke smell.

We've only smelled it in the very front (old dining room) and right near the TV where an old recliner was when we first looked at the house. 

It's not often but usually when it's cold outside.  And it's a VERY strong smell. 

I'm not scared of whatever it might be but I am curious.

If I had to guess its residual.  Just an imprint of a time long gone.  Anyways, I guess we will see as time goes on.




I JUST FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS AND AM POSTING IT NOW.....

11AM ≠ 7:30AM..."There was a detour"...through where, China?!?!

If you are more than 10 min late for an appointment you should call.

If you call about being late and say I'll be there by shortly you should probably not show up an hour and a half - two hours later.

If you KNOW someone is staying home from work for you to do a job BE COURTEOUS, BE ON TIME!

If you tell me you are getting to my house at 7:30 and don't show up until 11:00, we have a problem

If you then leave at 2:00 for "lunch" and don't come back until 4:00, We have a Problem

If you then leave at 5:00 because "reasons" and will come back tomorrow...We.Have.A.Problem

If you tell me a job will only take 5 days and we are going on 3 weeks...WE HAVE A F**KING PROBLEM

You know what you being late tells me.

     - It tells me that you don't respect me.
     - It tells me that my time is not important to you
     - It tells me that you CLEARLY don't want a referral
     - It tells me you are UNPROFESSIONAL and a TW@T

Look I know "contractors" are their own bosses usually.  And I know its "common" for them to kinda make their own schedules but being over 2 hours late is f**king unacceptable.

I have the ability to work from wherever MOST OF THE TIME.  So when this "project" started and was supposed to take 5 days, we were fine...even if he showed up stupid late every day.

But he farted around and only worked a few hours a day.  Well guess what?  $hit is going DOWN at my place of employment and I HAVE to be in meetings...meetings that are lasting into the wee evening hours.  Meetings that are consuming my life.

Now this numpty is ready to finish so he can get paid and guess what, I can't f**king be there!

I was told on Sunday, it had to be Tuesday bc the whatever had to finish curing. I was able to schedule my mom for Tuesday (like 2 days ago Tuesday).   Monday at 8 f**king 45 PM, I am told Tuesday is a no go, he's coming Thursday.

My mom can't on Thursday.  Thank GOD my husband could but only until 3-ish.  He said 7:30AM...great awesome 6 hours is MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME TO FINISH. Well this lazy sphincter nugget shows up at 11:15 there is NO WAY he will be finished before my love goes to work.  So I have to reschedule my entire f**king day to make sure I can be home before he leaves (boss not happy but understands).

Have I mentioned I have $HIT GOING DOWN?!?!?!  I want to f**king throat punch someone but I will refrain because I need him to finish the f**king job!

***UPDATE*** I got home to relieve the hubs.  He was here a whopping 45 minutes with me and f**king left for the day!!!  He said whatever he did had to "set".  He was here for 2 hours, went to "lunch", came back at 2:30, and left at 3:45 that is 3 hours and 15 min...MAYBE.  If he showed up at 7:30, I wouldn't have had to F**KING leave work.

So you are telling me Eternal Damnation is in my future....k

People that hide behind religion and use it as an excuse to be an @$$hole are not actually good people. 

You can be Catholic and not spit on a woman walking into Planned Parenthood.

You can have your beliefs and not call someone a whore because they got pregnant without being married.

You can think whatever you want but it doesn't give you the right to make someone else feel like they are below you because they messed up or believe differently. 

No matter what you believe...what religion you follow or don't follow...what God you pray or don't pray to, its not an excuse to harm another person whether that is physically or emotionally. 

Jesus said "let he who is without sin cast the first stone".  Basically meaning you don't know someone's situation, don't judge.  Instead maybe try to help them without being a jerkface!  Not "OMG you sinner, let me burn your house down". 

You are not the judge of others.  He said "Treat others as you want to be treated".  If you want people to be butts to you, okay fine but this usually isn't the case.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER!  Not, only love people who see things from your point of view and believe what you believe.

I was "informed" because I love and support my family member and friends who happen to be gay, I will go to hell. That I should "love them from a distance" because their souls are dammed.  WTF...really?

I was "informed" that because I took on the roll of "Aunt" to a child not related to me who happened to be born with no father known...I am perpetrating Satan's plan. Ummmm...what?

I was "informed" (again) that because my parents are divorced and had the marriage annulled years later the church considers me to be illegitimate.  Are you serious right now...?

I might not be a practicing Catholic at the moment but from where I stand I do more things in Jesus' image than most of the practicing Catholic's I know. 

WWJD...Yea I don't think he would abandon those who have been ousted by society.  Let a mother and child be forgotten because she made a "mistake".  Not love me because my parents made a VERY DIFFICULT decision and realized their marriage was toxic to each other and not a good environment for ME.  Was it all butterflies and rainbows...no, it sucked BUT it worked out in the end. 

"Things are either right or wrong, there is no gray area".  Yes...true...I guess.  But Forgiveness and Acceptance was my takeaway...not persecution and hatred.

Just my thoughts...rant over...people suck...love your neighbor...be excellent to each other and party on dudes! 

Apparently, I love scotch......

Or I've just really had that much of a f**ked up week and I gave up wine and beer for Lent...You thought I was kidding!!!!!!!!!! (see end of this post)

Yaaaaassss!

I may or may not be feeling REEEEAAAALLLLYYY good right now.

Yay for FREEEEEEE Scotch tasting!!! 10 different kinds of Scotch to try!

I may or may not have realized I actually enjoy the $hit out of Scotch...who knew!?!

I can't...yes I can...no...maybe I need food....yASSSSSS food!  I have the SCOTCH giggles....

Okay okay, I'm good...I made FRIENDS!  Like old people friends...do only old people drink Scotch. My dad drinks Scotch...but I like it...I'M NOT OLD...well not that old...shhhhhh

I have posted four David gifs...I should stop now...but he's Scottish...and I'm drinking Scotch...or was drinking Scotch...stop judging me.

Hmmmm maybe I need sustenance...

Oh I'm gonna to feel this tomorrow...

What do you mean that's not covered?!?!

What is the point of insurance?  You force me to buy various forms of insurance to "protect me" but seriously what is the point.  I have health, vision, dental (because apparently those two don't fall under Health), Auto, Homeowners, Flood, Wind & Hail (because apparently those two don't fall under Homeowners), Home Warranty, & Life.  Do you know how much money that is annually and I don't get $hit!  It's basically just for catastrophic things now.

Every claim I have ever made I had to fight for it.

Flood - We flooded years ago.  1/2 the f**king parish flooded.  It wasn't a "busted" pipe it was "an act of God".  I fought tooth and nail to get what we got and we STILL had to do 35% of it ourselves because NFIP (FEMA) barely paid out.  And I'm not talking about contents...this is to FIX the f**king house.  Contents was an even bigger fight.

Health - I had an issue.  Not "pre-existing".  They wanted to charge me $3,000 on top of the $2,000 deductible because it was gonna be done in the outpatient clinic of a hospital.  But if I went to a Diagnostic Service it would be $250.  What the ACTUAL f**k?!?!  Because it was listed as a "hospital" even though it was in a clinic they wanted to charge me like I was being admitted.  My doc did it that way so he could do the procedure at the clinic but when I told him, he said "sweetie go where you need to, that is insane!" 

Auto - Many moons ago someone TEXTING and driving slammed into the side of me.  The police didn't issue a ticket because they "couldn't determine fault, with out a doubt".   After the fact, that b**ch lied and her insurance company tried to come after me, even though no fault was deemed.  We ended up walking away (thank god for pictures and WITNESSES) and each paying for our own damages but I fought tooth and nail to NOT pay an insane amount of money for her P.O.S. vehicle.  If I wouldn't have fought I would have been forced to find $4,000 because my insurance was refusing to pay because "no fault" or something.  I don't remember all the details, I just remember opening a bill and wanting to murder someone because I was 22 and poor.

Homeowners - Broken/Blocked sewerage line.  All the toilets and tubs were backing up.  Made the claim.  They came out.  The "break" was literally at the edge of the foundation.  Since it wasn't UNDER the foundation they wouldn't pay.  We are talking literal centimeters  and I was out of pocket $1,100.  Was quoted $4,500 but I knew a guy...  Basically we did ALL the manual labor and he charged us for the materials and repair. But it was 1/2 under...actually way more than 1/2 under, nope not covered.

Vision - its cheaper for me to pay out of pocket with a coupon.  For real.  How is that even possible?  I kept MINIMAL coverage for medical emergencies. 

Home Warranty - What a f**king JOKE!
Contract: We pay for drainage issues.
Me: *claims a drainage issue*
Them: No that's a shower pan issue.
Me: How do you know?  
Them: Well it sounds like a shower pan and that's cosmetic.
Me: How is that cosmetic?!?!!?  I'm not asking you to remodel my bathroom, I'm having a DRAINAGE issue.  As in its DRAINING OUT THE SIDE OF MY HOUSE!
Them: We don't cover that...
Me: But its a drainage problem.
Them: We cover all drainage problems EXCEPT shower pans.
Me: Where is that in the contract?
Them:  *reading back my contract* 
Me: Everything you just said...there are no EXCEPTIONS but it says it covers Drainage problems. Define Drainage.

Them: Um....hold Please

I talked to 3 more people.  When I countered what they were saying they got another "manager". 

Me: I am not trying to swindle y'all.  I just want the WARRANTY we paid for to pay for what it says it will pay for...a DRAINAGE problem.  

Them: Its a shower pan and that's cosmetic. We only pay for mechanical.

Me: You said Drainage how is that "mechanical"?

Them: The drain fails, that is mechanical. 

Me: Soooo if it was a shower pan and that "failed"

Them: It is cosmetic.

Me: How is it cosmetic?!?  I don't even know if I HAVE a shower pan, my house was built in the 70's!!!!

Them: It is rejected

So again, what's the point.  What will they pay for?  Nothing.  They will f**king pay for NOTHING.  They use legal loopholes to charge us out the @$$ for "coverage" and then don't pay out $hit!  Its a scam.  It covers about 5% of issues and that's it.  Everything else is out of pocket based on bull$hit.  That sounds like the worst agreement in history! Pay us lets say $3,100 annually and when you need us ONCE in 15 years for a $4,500 claim we say f**k you.  

Who can afford that?!?!?

I'm so over adulting!!!!!!!!!!!

Side Note - I don't have "crappy" insurance. Its good insurance, through reputable companies!!!  

Send help - I've turned into a popsicle

So  Mother Nature decided we didn't have enough with the Snow and Ice a few weeks ago.  So she sent us a "Winter Weather Event".  Oooo sounds fun, who is headlining?

Right, so NOT fun.  Yo, I live in the DEEP SOUTH!  DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP South.  It is 28 f**king degrees outside and the sun is out.   But wait there's more.  There is a "windchill".  Usually that takes off a few degrees...

A few...a few... the "windchill" makes it feel like 18 in the sun....12 in the shade.  Pardon me...WHAT?!?!!?  Am I in the North...?  Where's the Nightwatch...are the Whitewalkers coming?

Yea yea yea it is WAY colder "up north" but that doesn't make my little Summer Loving self any happier!  I let the pups out to potty and there was steam.  Both looked confused and a bit concerned.  "Mom...MOM!  My butt is smoking...something has gone horribly wrong!"

So yea we took precautions.  I don't care what some people say.  You leave a faucet dripping...just dripping.  If you don't you may have an issue.  "But that decreases water pressure".  You know what else decreases water pressure...?  A BUSTED F**KING PIPE.  Leave a drip, wrap your exposed outside pipes and faucets, let the pets in, protect the plants...and just stay home if you can!

Then I saw this:

Link

I already have on  fleece leggings, knee high thick @$$ socks, two shirts, a furry vest thing, a scarf, and a hat...I AM INSIDE!!! With the heater on....

When I went outside I had on that plus a leather jacket, leather boots, and leather gloves.  Its supposed to get colder tonight to tomorrow...

Next time I complain about the heat....someone slap me because this below freezing $hit....

Current mood....Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The "Screaming Goat" is my spirit animal so far this week.

The week after a holiday can be one of two things...INSANELY slow or chocked full of the most ridiculous issues that you consider drinking a bottle of wine EVERY NIGHT!

Mine is the latter. 

So to make myself happy, I'm looking at screaming goat videos and can't stop laughing.  They get me every time!

Although if I were to "scream like a goat" my husband/co-workers may have me committed....maybe...or maybe they'd just scream with me. 

OMG can you imagine a group of people just...

Maybe I drank too much wine....

I should go bug my husband at work....

I swear I am normal...kind of....a little....maybe take 2

So I moved into a new house, right.  While I've met most of my neighbors and we all get along wonderfully, I have these weird moments that are just me and now I think most of them think I am a little strange.

I told you about the screaming cicada that had me locked out of my house for 20 min back in September, I think.  Well here are more instances that make me look 100% crazy.


Incident 2:

We are actually having cool weather!!!  Which means I am loving having all the windows and back door open.  Only places where I have screens...we still have bugs...its not that "cold".  Anyways, since I don't do this often, I forget people can HEAR ME inside when they are open.

It was Saturday.  I cleaned, I put out decorations, I watched SEC football!  Anyways, during the Bama vs Auburn game (which HOLY $HIT AUBURN BEAT BAMA!!!!!) I took a break to watch the game.  My smaller dog thinks that when I sit it is time for her to climb all over me.  She isn't that small.  She is still 30 lbs.  While she was climbing on me she ended up on the back of the couch.  She put her head against my neck and slooooowly slid down the front of me.

This motion squished my tatas.  While they aren't big it still hurt.  So I yelled "OMG stop steam rolling my titties!"  I immediately heard someone laughing.  But like trying not to laugh but I totally heard a bark of laughter then a muffled giggle.

"$hit, the windows are open!!!" ....ooops.

You would think I would have learned my lesson.  Anyways, later in the evening I watched LSU vs Texas A&M (GEAUX TIGERS!!!!).  I was decorating at this point.  I had an arm-full of glittery Christmas stuff when LSU scored a touchdown.  I screamed "whooooooo!!!!" and was jumping around like the crazy LSU fan I am...with my decorations...and my looney dog.

When suddenly I hear "*laughter* Sounds like your night got better!" and I saw a face in my window.  OMG! 

So I waved, said "geaux tigers!!!!"  and closed all the windows and doors (after he walked away, I'm not that rude).  Apparently he was helping his mom with yard work so he was in between the houses and could hear me....ooops.