It's a fever dream with a dash of nostalgia

Well because I said I would take it easy on the horror yesterday...I watched...something I can only describe as Disney on Acid. 

I captured my thoughts in Notes that I will share here...for funsies, its long so BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUPS. 

If you don't want spoilers...stop here.

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is by far one of the most WTAF movies I have seen in a while. 

Brain Dump:

• Pooh and co are human sized…?
• JFC Pooh and co eat fucking Eeyore bc they no longer have Christopher Robin (CR) to feed them
• Oh snap their cannibalism made them feral! And they chose to never speak again
• CR comes back with his wife to prove they are real and piglet fucking murders her while CR cowers screaming PIGLET NO!!  Bruh help her!
• Pooh kills (?) CR
• Peeps be going missin in the 100 acre wood
• Don’t go to the woods!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Some chick with a complex is encouraged to “get away” to cope…?
• It’s 4 chicks in a cabin, wait 6 maybe...
• Oh ok two are…together..?
• Oh snap that escalated quickly.
• Why he ripped her shirt off first?!?
• Girl just walked out to make a call!  Pooh bashed her head in!!!
• Omg is that a grinder…ahhh
• One chick had a horrid stalker sitch 👀👀👀
• Are they going for backstory here???  
• This is like a bad porno without the sex
• Oh shit CR is still alive and held captive by Pooh
• I’m confused are they people with masks or human sized Pooh and friends?????
• Jesus Pooh is having an existential crisis!
• Oh fuck is he whipping CR with Eeyore's effing tail?!?
• Oh god a stew of endtrails is showered over him ahhhhh 🤢
• Uh oh she in a hot tub alone
• Is that Pooh or piggie creepin on her
• Aw shit it’s both
• Wtaf?!??
• Ooo boobies
• Oh she dead dead
• Wtf does piggie look like a boar
• Wait wait They subdued her to run her over?!? Da Faq
• Aw hell aw hell he crushed her skull with a tire 🤢
• What’s in her bag
• Is that a gun…?
• He used A sledgehammer?!? That’s gruesome
• Oh god her head just exploded 🤢
• Why do they kill some and kidnap others 
• Ewww the messy honey gorging *gag*
• At least I hope that’s honey
• Eewww he’s dripping  honey on her 
• He slapped her…to death…?
• Oh nope she alive
• Save CR you dipshits!
• Whose screaming??  When did they capture someone else?!?!?!
• Who’s the older chick chained up?!?
• Oh they are half human...is that what she said????
• Who the eff is Charlene, did a miss a whole story line?!?!?!
• How does she know so much CR said they brought here there this morning......
• Oh bitch is hoarsely calling for piglet with a gun, she gonna die die 🤣
• Pooh is dousing her in. Honey and….oh god piglet is eating her alive 🤢
• Oh snap piglet got a sledgehammer to the face
• How do you like it MOFO
• Well that's a whole new meaning to "Hog Tied" 🤣🤣🤣
• Squeal PIggy!
• Oh hell I think she killed him
• Ooooo Pooh ain’t gonna like that
• Oh god knife through the mouth into a post 👀👀👀
• Run BITCHES he's Michael Myers walking....RUN!
• Oh them Hillbillys about to die
• "That ain’t no man"…"that ain’t no bear," jeebus pick up the chicks and drive you idiots!
• Did they....did they just call Pooh a freak... Christ!
• Correction, Logan colt and Tucker about to die
• “Pooh breathes heavily” 🤣🤣🤣subtitles
• 4-1 Pooh still gonna win
• It’s a Mexican standoff…with Brits
• Jeebus he’s not even fighting back
• How is he still alive?!?!?!
• What in the hell.  How hard is his slap
• Ooooo karate chop
• Awww come on he stomp/ground his brains into the dirt
• Wait wait did I miss that....?  He can summon bees?!? Pahahhahahaa
• DRIVE AWAY CHICKS!!!
• Why did you run him over, for f**ks sake!!!!
• Jesus Christ just slam on the brakes and he'll go a flyin
• This bitch just hit the ceiling like that’s gonna do anything to the maniac bear beating on the roof
• What happened to CR. Did they leave him?!?
• Ooops she lost her head…and then there was one
• She turned the windshield wipers on and smeared her friend 🤣
• Pahahahha CR coming in hot screaming  fuck you is the best
• Bruh, he ain’t dead
• Ewww did he just vomit up honey?! 🤢
• Why is he so strong?!??
• This is very Saw/the purge/hostile
• CR offering the sacrifice
• The good is still in you Pooh 🤣🤣🤣
• Let her go, Take me please...I'll never leave you... GOOD LORD!
• He slit her throat and gravelly says "you left" *dying laughing*
• Pooh is a demented asshole
• That's some aggressive stabbing
• Jeebus he stabbed her...through her skull
• did he kill CR finally?
• Pooh growls into the night
• WTAF did I just watch
• I'll never look at Pooh the same
• OMG there is going to be a sequel
• I need a drink

WTF am I watching!?!?!?

I've seen all the Sharknados.  Remember Cheesy Sci-fi is my jam!!!! But what the actual f**k am I watching?????

So we Time Travel to the Jurassic period.  Fin is chasing a f**kig t-rex looking thing with a bag with the head of something in it.  A Megladon looking thing JUMPS onto land and eats the f**king T-Rex.

But wait there's more.  Fin is in the truck looking at a HOLOGRAM of his kid basiaclly saying he's the ONLY HOPE and needs to stop the FIRST sharknado.  Hello Obi-wan....What?!?!?!?!

Oh and April is there....not dead.  She learned how to fly a f**king dino and calls it...wait for it... TARA!!  Are you serious?!?!?!?!!?

Then they are riding a freaking dino IN THE SHARKNADO to stop it.

Fin jumps on a flying shark to 'save humanity' and says "its feeding time" Oh.My.God!!!!

This is the first 10 minutes.  Its awful.  I love it!!!!!!!!!!

I can't y'all...I just can't....

Wait wait wait...its a "Time-nado" and he says "let's do the time warp again" and I'm just dying on my couch.

JFC Morganna is...not that there is anything wrong with that but...WTF is happening..she..he...no definitely she...OMG?!?!!?

That's it I am "live blogging" this $hit.

They just met Merlin and its Neil Degrasse Tyson!!!!!

He's carrying his wife's robot head in a bag...I am done.

"A little less needy and a little more...knight-y"

Dragon sharks...why......why.....WHY!

Medieval Sharknado.....

Did she...did she just say "I'm melting" ?!?!?!

They got catapulted into the future.....

The British are coming...pahahahaha

The sharks are coming...I'm dead

The British are throwing flying sharks at us....

F**king Ben Stein is Hamilton...JFC

We won the revolution by blowing up a sharknado....

A chocolate blast from the past...really?!?!?

Go ahead shark my day....

"I'm not gonna take this anymore" - Dee Snyder

She's shooting laser beams from her eyes!!!!

Tori Spelling??!!?  What?!?!

Oh my GOD THIS IS THE CHEESIEST EVER!!!!!!

Is that...is that a Brady?!?!?!  Like Peter f**king Brady?!?!?!  I can't....

"My name is Nova Clark, you killed my grandfather...prepare to die". really?!!??!?!?

This CGI is AMAZING!!!!!

Is he going to lasso a shark to get speed...no...NO...ahahahahahaha

They time jumped to 20013....

Flying robo shark?!?!?!  How...who created that thing?!?!!?

How did they keep straight faces while filming this!??!?!

Jesus Christ its f**king Corpse Bride...hahahhaa

Emotionally deranged easy bake oven...pahahahaha

Crazy clone April froze Sky in "Carbonite" she went full Star Wars.

And she went full Sith Lord...Lightening form the fingers and all....

Physics....Physics...phyyyyyysssssiiiiccccccssssss

"Great Scott" I mean this whole movie has been a bad BTTF pun...right?!?!?! 

He got hit by the f**king kitchen sink!!!!

He kissed a head in a shark mouth!!!!

We end at the beginning...they went all Harry Potter on us!!!

Please tell me he gets eaten by a shark giving this speech!!!!

Damn...hahahahahahaah

Somethings just stick with you...like herpes

I kid I kid...but really...don't play with herpes, that is the gift that keeps on giving.  I don't know that personally but I have friends and they...well they regret somethings.  Moving on!

I love movies, right?  Right!  I have a soft spot of sci-fi and fantasy, right?  Right!

With that said I can't believe how much I still without a doubt absolutely LOVE the original Jurassic Park.  The music, the special effects, the acting, the f**king dinosaurs!  That movie...THAT MOVIE is one of my all time favs.

The new one is coming out soon and I am sure I will like it a lot but nothing...NOTHING will ever compare to the original. 

When I hear the music, I get chills!

This scene slays me every time! I can hear the roar in my mind!

Its so real.  In that moment, sitting in a dark theater in 1993, suddenly dinosaurs were alive again.  It stoked the embers of my imagination...it was amazing!  And still, today when I watch this movie I get chills.  Its so real.  Everything is so real.  Its so believable that a lot of times I dream about dinosaurs afterwards.

Granted its usually me trying to escape raptors but its cool...right?  My point is this movie stands the test of time.  It set a standard and will forever be one of my all time favorite movies.

F**KING CHILLS MAN!

Not to mention Jeff Goldblum...What is it about him in this movie ...DAMN SON!

"Life...uh...finds a way."

Clever girl...

Damn, I love this movie!

It's not a f**king storage cubbie!

LINK

Stop putting weird $hit in your vajayjay!!!!

Things you can put in your lady parts:
- fingers
- penises
- fake penises
- feminine hygiene products
- Lubes/Creams made for it
- Other toys MADE to put in there

Things you should NOT put in your hoohah:
- Syringes (WTF MAN?!?!)
- Money (Ewwwww, have you seen that special about how germy money is?!?!)
- Pills (that $hit can be ABSORBED into your...look its just a bad idea and makes me think of instant DEATH)
- Weird herbals suggested by that wacko celebrity
- Honestly if you have to think "hmmmm, should I put this in there"; you probably SHOULD NOT!

But seriously drugs are BAD.  Don't drink and drive...don't get high and drive...don't drive impaired...just STOOOOOOOOP!  

Also, I remember a few years ago a friend of mine who works in the ER admitted someone with a...wait for it...SUNGLASSES CASE stuck in the peesh.  Not like a tiny travel case.  Like those MONSTER things you see at Sunglass Hut for designer glasses....STOP PUTTING WEIRD $HIT IN YOUR HUMP HOLE!

That is a Graboid, Suckoid, Snakeoid...STUMPY!!!!

I've seen Tremors...everybody RUN!!!!

No wait...don't run...stay still...and get to high ground...

But seriously....WTF is that?!?  My friend sent me the twitter screen shot...said "LOL its a sand worm".

So I started Googling and found...

 of course IFLScience posted something.... LINK

Apparently more than likely "it's a fangtooth snake-eel, otherwise known as the "tusky" eel."  

F**king Harvey brought up some poor Alien from deep in the ocean....Can you imagine that swimming at you while you are swimming for your life...

"waiter, there is a hair in my soup"

"Ma'am, its attached to your finger nail"

LINK

No...just no...JUST NO!  I feel like I have to state I really don't care what your fashion style is but this seems incredibly unsanitary.  There is a reason humans don't have hairy fingers...well evolution but can you imagine what would live in finger fur?!?!?!

Seriously give it a think...I'll wait....

Were these the progression of your thoughts...because they were mine the more I thought about it...

Team Incest (so nice I posted it twice)

I am just....GoT is torture...and confusion!

GO READ THIS

I mean you don't have to...

That is f**king Captain Cheesecake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright, so a while back I said I was reading Book 1 of a new series (see here) and for the entire book I was like "This is Doctor Who Fanfiction!!!" Well I read Book 2 and it still reminded me of 10 and Rose but nothing too different than Book 1.

Now I am reading Book 3 and I literally said out loud "this is basically the plot of the 'Are you my mummy' episodes" (The Empty Child & The Doctor Dances).  Yea yea I know that is 9 but Simon is without a doubt 10.

We are going back in time to London during WWII.  Mind you it is after the London Blitz but whatever.  So I am reading and thinking there is no way it would be that blatant. So they are at the Ritz and Elizabeth is left alone while Simon goes to procure a room.  When low and behold Elizabeth hears someone talking to her...who has an American accent.  Again out loud "if his name is f**king Jack I give up".  Then it says he is in a gray uniform, has black hair, a darker complexion, and like a million dollar smile.  Me again, "are you f**king kidding me?!?!".  Then he says "Name's Jack Wells, Chicago".  I lost my $hit!

This is without a doubt Doctor Who Fanfiction.  I had to stop reading but I can predict what will happen.  Jack will flirt with Elizabeth. 

He'll start calling her a new name like Lizzie *ahem* Rosie *ahem*.  Simon will get jealous...

...but they'll have to work together to save the day.  Simon will stop wasting time and propose to Elizabeth and they all end up BFF's in the end or something like that. 

This is Doctor Who fanfiction and no one can convince me otherwise!!!

Its a book.  Like a published book series, I am not on one of those websites.  I am reading Out of Time: A Time Travel Mystery by Monique Martin.  I can't help it.  I've tried but all I can picture is Rose and Ten in an alternate universe but still f**king time traveling!  Except he has Green eyes and she has blue.  She has coppery hair, is very attractive, and has an adorable personality.  He is tall and skinny but muscular with brown hair and tries to hide his feelings.

He is a PROFESSOR.  She is his ASSISTANT.  They are both head over heels in love with each other but don't want to admit it.  And neither will make a freakin' move!  No but really hear.me.out.

They are at Uni where they work, he gets a mysterious box of his deceased grandpa's belongings.  Inside is a POCKET WATCH, which zaps them back to 1929 NYC.  Back in time they have to PRETEND TO BE MARRIED.  They have to SHARE A BED.  They had to get QUESTIONABLE jobs.  She is JEOPARDY friendly and he is 100% terrified he is going to LOSE HER (that she will die).  They flirt, flirt, flirt but that is as far as it goes.  His JEALOUSY is hilarious.  Her ability to make everyone LOVE her is familiar.  This is driving me barmy!!! 

In the most recent scene he is in a Tux and she is in her Speakeasy sexy outfit.  They are both ogling each other from across the room and I am over here like if they don't freaking KISS already I am going to scream!

There is so much pent up sexual frustration I need a cold shower! 

Oh and did I mention he is English...she's American but tomato, tomahto...whatever!

I love it.  I can't get enough of it.  I am only 33% done.  My inner fangirl cannot be contained.  I may explode.

UPDATE - I forgot!  There is also like a 10-20 year age gap...ish.  AAAAANNNNNDDDD he is always pointing out historical inaccuracies! 

F**k Cancer

I'm fine and my immediate family/friends are fine but someone I haven't thought about in YEARS isn't.  He is a friend of a friend but when he came visit us we became fast friends.  We probably haven't spoken in 10 years but we keep up with each other through our mutual friend.

He is 1 year older than me (soooo YOUNG!).  He was having abdominal pains.  The docs couldn't pin point the source of the pain.  Things like obstruction, twisted bowel, cyst, etc were thrown out.  Then someone took a closer look at an x-ray and saw something hiding behind his other organs.  He went into emergency surgery because of the location and size.  We are hoping it was caught in time and all will be well but I am so scared for him...for his wife...for his young children. 

I haven't really thought about him in a long while so when I heard this news all the crazy college visits came flooding back.  One in particular has me smiling like an idiot.  So everyone was gone for a break/holiday thing.  There were only a few of us left in the area.  I went home to NOLA to visit the fam.  I got a call from my friend saying his BFF from high school flew in on a whim and they were heading to NOLA.  I was like, here's my momma's address pick me up on the way to town. 

I thought my momma was gonna pass out when they showed up at the door.  I come from a VERY Southern/Sheltered/Catholic family.  My friend and his BFF are Middle Eastern.  I saw no issue but apparently all the stereotypes she'd heard came flying to the surface.  Thankfully she just smiled and was super polite.  (she's fine with it now because well, he is just a normal guy) So off we went to show my new buddy the infamous City of New Orleans.  

We had sooooooooooo much fun.  The best part about being a local is seeing the amazement and wonder through a tourist.  A tourist who isn't acting like a jerk-face but embracing all the uniqueness that is NOLA.  What was funny is my friend was BFF's with my then Boyfriend so they were "protecting" me from being hit on.  They learned the best way to do this was to tell everyone I was their SISTER!  You don't understand how funny this was.  People were like "whaaaa...really?!!?" Think about it.  They are both brown skinned with dark hair and dark eyes.  I am light olive complected with blonde hair and green eyes.  It was hilarious!  It was so fun that the joke has stuck around all these years later.  I still get introduced as the "sister" by my friend and its still flipping hilarious because people don't always cover their "shock" well. 

All silly memories aside, I am worried about my brother from another mother...city...COUNTRY but I am hoping it being caught early, they can get him on the road to recovery quickly.  

A TV Show broke me - Send help...preferably hot firefighters...oh and wine...

I reviewed the season finale you know Hell Bent...at that other place....  So if you want to read that hot mess of a blog post feel free.  I think I am still processing what happened.  Oh and its full of SPOILERS so you have been warned.  Why am I here? 

Well because someone posted the below and I think I died all over again.  Clara & The Doctor broke me.

LINK in case the embed thing messes up again.

Okay, I know I say shows make me cry sometimes.  And they really do.  But only a few episodes from New Who have turned me into a complete blubbering mess. Vincent & The Doctor, Doomsday, The End of Time: Part Two.  There are others that made me sad but these made my husband look at me with concern.  My original viewing of Hell Bent made me sad.  It did.  I teared up.  But since my DVR cut off at the end I wasn't a mess so to say.  The above video absolutely wrecked me and now I don't think I could watch Hell Bent again without losing it.  Stupid TV Show making me emotional. 

Please enjoy while I rock in the corner with my blankie. 

I watched 13 Episodes in 3 days...and I still managed to leave my house - Part 2

I reviewed this over here....well I say review...this is more of a pouring my brain into a blog post....its a bit silly.....at the other blog.  But its me so I am posting it here too.

Jessica Jones

I watched 13 Episodes in 3 days...and I still managed to leave my house - Part 1

I reviewed this over here...at the other blog.  But its me so I am posting it here too.

Jessica Jones