That stick seemed angry

Maybe I shouldn't visit exotic tropical places?!?! I made it through the 8 days vacation with no more injuries.

It was the absolute most amazing time.  I love traveling.  I love immersing myself in other cultures.  

One of my favorite quotes from the ninth doctor "Time travel is like visiting Paris: You can't just read the guidebook. You need to throw yourself in! Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers! Or is that just me?"

I remember the first time I watched that episode.  And that quote.... THAT quote resonated with me.  I realized he was so right.  Don't just be a tourist, learn and appreciate where you are visiting!  I am not bilingual but I will learn enough to communicate.  I will try.  I will embarrass the $hit out of myself but it always...ALWAYS seems to make the locals smile with appreciation. 

Anyways moving on.  This fantastic 

(hehehehe) trip was coming to an end.  I didn't fall or have anything else happen.  On our last day it was STORMING all afternoon.  During a break in the weather we ventured out to our last dinner.  It was still a little misty but nothing bad.  It was late-ish though, so the sun was set.  As I am walking up to the restaurant I step over a stick.  

The stick MOVED!!!!!!!!!  

I jumped over the stick and ran into the doorway.  Mind you the country we were in...everything was open air so no door.  This guy grabs me and says "Que Pasa, chica?"  I tried and blanked on saying snake in Spanish so I just said "Uh...snake..."

Meanwhile hubs is on the bricks for the garden with his flashlight out.  The guy gets super excited and runs out to see it.  The hostess said "Que pasa senorita?" I said "Uh snake...."  She jumps onto a chair and says "Donde, donde!?!??!"  I said "Uhhh afuera".  She crosses herself and says  "Ay dios mio!!!!"

The guy and my sig other come back in and the guy says "I...I no....no vi. Uhhh ok ok.  I no see if it was uhhh... if it was a no bueno snake, comprende?"  Si si...pero esta muy grande, verdad??   

He starts laughing and says "Si, pero I think...I don't think it was venomous." Then hubs says I dunno.  It seemed pissed.  It struck at her shoe when she jumped.  

The guy goes "No $hit!" and says "señorita tienes mucha suerte".  

So yea... on my LAST NIGHT in paradise I almost stepped on (possibly venomous) snake...in the rain heading to dinner.  Thankfully I apparently jump high and had on THICK rubber shoes.  

Side Note - the rest of dinner the guy who happened to be our waiter teased me RELENTLESSLY! 

NOTE NOTE - Please don't come at me for the Spanish.  I knew what they were saying in the moment but couldn't remember word for word so had to improvise so if its wrong its on me. 

So you just happened to be running right behind me...?

This...world makes me so freaking paranoid.  I've been trying to stay active and it's really hard because the sun sets so freaking early!!! I finally just sucked it up and started running at dusk/night.  

Can I tell you as a female, that is f**king scary!  I live in a safe area.  I have active neighbors who are outside all the time.  It was just after christmas so the area was lit up with lights.  But I am smallish and know full well no where is actually safe. 

That's why as I was running the other day I got so effing freaked out!  

I run listening to music but I can still hear the world around me which is why I about had a heart attack when I realized I heard another set of feet hitting the concrete.  I was doing speed intervals but didn't want to slow down. 

I couldn't see anyone in my peripheral but it was very dark with only the street lights every so often where I was.  And I wasn't near my house, I was in the back of my neighborhood. So I decided to change up my route.  As I did, I looked over my shoulder and saw...no one.

So now I think I am insane and paranoid.  I slowed a bit but kept going.  Then I heard it again.  

I muted my music.  I could hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears and could feel my breathing getting labored, I was tired and scared.  I turned a corner and saw some people outside so I slowed down.  

I was cracking my neck when I noticed someone WAS about 100 or so yards behind me.  

At this point I was about 3 blocks from my house so I took off.  I was sprinting (I do NOT sprint).  

I made it home in record time, 100% ignoring the prompts from my running app.  As I ran up my driveway my shadow was running by.  He was probably 6'3" and skinny fit, young-ish and possibly attractive (it was dark!).  He said breathing heavily, "Good Run! I didn't think I was gonna keep up today!" and he kept going.  

 What...what just happened?!?

2 days later I left about 10 min later than normal bc work is stupid.  As I  was coming down one of the streets I saw him come out of a house on my route.  

My assumption is we are on a similar schedule.  I am fairly certain he runs behind me EVERY DAY and I was just a little late that night so I noticed him.  

Its like some weird unorganized running group...of two. Maybe he doesn't want to run alone or maybe he doesn't want me to be alone.  Maybe I should ask...

It really is sad how scared I was initially. It's warranted, you really don't know what kind of crazies are out there.  But at least now I seem to have an unofficial running buddy.  

Is it like a strap on or something???

I haven't searched for....so why is this a suggestion for me?!!?

Wait, wait wait.. just for Lesbian women...that is very specific.

Well now I'm curious but I don't want to click it because for the next 20 years it will be one of my "Hey a deal you looked at..." emails...

Whatever, now I am dying to click the link but am refraining for my future sanity.

That's a really ugly cat....

So the other night I was cooking dinner after picking up my FINAL online order of gifts.  I let big crazy out alone.  While slicing my tomato I hear little bit "ARF!".  Um what?  Since she was looking out the back door I decided to go check on Speedy.

As my eyes focus on the dimmed lighting in the fog, I see Speedy walking towards me (and my open back door).  He had something large and furry IN HIS MOUTH!  It was limp...CRAP!

OMG is that a cat?!?!?!

OMG that is not a cat!!!!

OMG that is an opossum!!!

OMG drop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He wasn't being aggressive with it, just holding it.  He gently put it down *whew*.  It picked up its head *double whew*.  He growled *$hit*.  It played dead *oh thank God*. 

Seriously though.  It was laying all weird with its mouth open and tongue hanging out...legit playing opossum. 

I said very calmly "come on buddy...lets go inside".  And he LISTENED.  He kept looking at it but we went in.

He was foaming at the mouth, whining, and wagging his tail.

JFC sit still so I can check you for cuts, blood, bites, whatever!

He was fine.  So I go check on the opossum.  He/she was sitting up looking dazed and NOT happy.  Speedy didn't hurt it but it was COVERED in dog drool....ewwwww!

I then proceeded to have a very one sided conversation with it. 

Hello, Mr. Opossum....are you okay?

Did Speedy hurt you?

*angry stare*

Can you walk on your own?

Do you live under my shed?

*hiss*

Do you want me to leave you alone?

*head turn*

OMG I'm having a conversation with a marsupial....

*From the neighbors yard* "I have a gun if you want to use it"

*yelp* Hi....no I'm...its fine...not hurt....no need to kill it.

"Well if it comes in my yard, its dead"

Mr. Opossum...don't go next door.

*belly laugh* "Have a good night sugar"

When I got inside, I checked Speedy again.  He's fine...he said I spoiled his early Christmas Present for me....thanks buddy, I'm good. 

I have NO DOUBT that he would have brought that thing inside had I not gone out. 

He seemed to think it needed help..maybe.....it was fairly small compared to the massive ones we usually see.  He wasn't trying to kill it...just bringing it to me....it was weird....I mean he did good...still weird. 

Mr. Opossum went on his way at some point...I haven't seen him since. 

I.am.not.a.Doctor!!!!!!

Or The Doctor.

I have no medical whatever.  I read.  I educate myself.  I am trained in basic First Aid and CPR but I am by no means a medical professional.

Which is why I find it utterly DISTURBING that certain people feel the need to send me pictures and say "what do you think this is?"

Ahhhhhhh....*grossed out*.

Not like I said "Oh, you have a rash, what does it look like".

No I am just talking about a random text or email...completely unsolicited..."Look at my ______".

My response 100% of the time is some variation of   "Gross...also...go....see...a....DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

If you tell me about a whatever, I may say "Oh I had something like that and did _____.  But everyone is different...if that doesn't work or it gets worse seek medical assistance".

So why....why...why...did I just get a message with 4 pictures of a rash that looks suspiciously like staph.  No explanation.  Just 4 pictures.....of a rash.

I said "OMG stop sending me pictures of your rash!" then "GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!!"

That is a Graboid, Suckoid, Snakeoid...STUMPY!!!!

I've seen Tremors...everybody RUN!!!!

No wait...don't run...stay still...and get to high ground...

But seriously....WTF is that?!?  My friend sent me the twitter screen shot...said "LOL its a sand worm".

So I started Googling and found...

 of course IFLScience posted something.... LINK

Apparently more than likely "it's a fangtooth snake-eel, otherwise known as the "tusky" eel."  

F**king Harvey brought up some poor Alien from deep in the ocean....Can you imagine that swimming at you while you are swimming for your life...