I dressed up as The Doctor and now my soul belongs to Satan

Look I'm not really one to be like "your beliefs are stupid" but sometimes I see (or am told/TAGGED IN) $hit and just want to throat punch people.

LINK

Right...okay.  What?!?!!?!? Also, stop tagging me in this stuff!!!!!

If you don't want to celebrate Halloween, that's fine.  But stop with the stupid.  Halloween is not a satanic holiday.  If the church of Satan uses it as a holiday they "stole" it from earlier religions/traditions ...just like CHRISTIANS "stole" the winter solstice...also known as Christmas...from earlier Pagan religions. 

Again, if this is your belief I guess that's fine but stop telling me that because I celebrate my FAVORITE holiday I am not Christian and stop telling me my littles are being opened to demons because little Suzy dressed up as f**king Cinderella!

"We think because we are not performing any demonic rituals or human sacrifices that we are on safe ground, but did you know that as soon as you dress up, whether you color yourself or put on a costume, the enemy owns you? Because by doing so, you have turned over your legal rights, and you have dedicated yourself and your kids to celebrating the devil's holiday. "

What?!?! Are you saying I signed some divine LEGAL contract at some point and celebrating Halloween negates it?!?!? I don't think that's how this works....

Here's my take on it.  This person is a troll.  Like the ultimate troll.  How can I make already hyper paranoid Christians bat$hit...I know lets tell them if they put kids in Costume on one specific f**king day of the year, they're turning them into devil worshipers *pahahahahaha*.

Riiiiiight...*rolling eyes*.

"As devil worshippers, Halloween was very special to us, and we looked forward to celebrating it because we knew the implications and the dark power behind the night."

This is f**king dumb.  There is no special freaking demon power on Halloween.  It is an end of harvest festival that can be traced back to Celtic and Gaelic folk traditions. 

Here is where I think all the crazy BS comes in.  "it was seen as a liminal time, when the boundary between this world and the Otherworld thinned.  The souls of the dead were also said to revisit their homes seeking hospitality."

So a combination of OLD traditions.  Traditions that existed BEFORE CHRISTIANITY combined with new traditions created the holiday we now call Halloween.  

Tell me again how I am worshiping Satan if I am a f**king minion on Halloween and hand out candy to cute little kids who are having fun? 

But wait there's more! "The only harvest we celebrate is the harvest of souls.  For many who celebrate Halloween, that celebration carries over to Nov. 1, which is also known to some as the Day of the Dead, or All Saints' Day, but there is nothing holy about it—it is demonic."

Really...you are telling me ALL SAINTS' DAY...the day we (well some of us) visit the graves of our dead relatives and friends to leave flowers is...demonic...?  "We have a picture in our minds that it seems holy, but there is nothing innocent about it. " Uh huh.... 

No!!!!!  It is a day of f**king remembrance.  We REMEMBER those who have gone to heaven...recognized Saints and those not recognized.  We aren't performing some ritual to bring our friend back as a f**king zombie.   

Ya know what, its fine don't celebrate Halloween or All Saints' Day for that matter...more candy for me and less people when I leave flowers.  

This is how crazy happens!  Seriously, the devil is not hiding in a Holiday.  If you believe in Lucifer then you should also believe that he is always there tempting you.  He doesn't pop out on f**king Halloween and say "Ahhhahahahaha, you dressed your child as a sock monkey, his soul is now mine".  

Sorry, this stuff just makes me irrationally angry...

It's just a bunch of Hocus Pocus, right?

I am the one hiding under your bed
Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red

I am the one hiding under your stairs
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair

This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the pumpkin song 

Full Lyrics

Yay, my FAVORITE holiday!!!  So of course I am in something Halloween-y, right...  

Its f**king 90 degrees outside...HELLO, Mother Nature, its OCTOBER...WTF?!?!  Anyways, I bought this shirt, so I am wearing it!

Moving on.  I also had bats in my hair, orange & black nail polish, and black & orange eye lashes.  I don't really leave my office...its fine.  Until your boss calls you AFTER you are at work and says "hey, can you go see so & so (really big customer), I can't make it in time".  Ummmmm sure...I mean I look like Halloween threw up on me but yea sure...no problem (hyperventilating). 

I rolled up to the customer...freaking out a bit...and was greeted at the door by The Doctor (yay!!!) & a vampire. "Oh thank god!".  Soooo turns out they were all dressed up in costume, whoohoo!  I had my meeting, had some Halloween goodies, and went on my way.  We left at 1:30 *whoohoo* "candy, candy, candy, candy". 

Someone help me...I've been attacked by a flock of overly excited fairies

No but really...this is serious people!  You see I decided that for this race I am doing soon I am wearing a Tutu.  Because HELLOOOO TUTU!  And also because its a "fun run" for Christmas.  So I bought ribbon and tulle...its really not hard to make a freaking tutu and it cost a whopping $15.

My first mistake...I was on the phone when I bought the spools of tulle (hehehe).  Meaning I wasn't 100% focused on the task and missed a key word.  Look, I saw SPARKLES...I can't help but be drawn to the sparkles.  "Ooooo shiny" is my catch phrase or something.  I thought it was that crinkly metallic ribbon stuff woven in the tulle. I was so WRONG!  When I got home and opened the tulle I was immediately assaulted by an explosion of glitter.

WTF?!?!?!  And since I had now OPENED it...I couldn't return it...son of a b**ch!  So as I sat on my COUCH covered in Red, Green and Iridescent sparkles, I wondered how my life had come to this.   Rather than dwell on my mistakes I started making my Tutu.  Surely its just that loose stuff when you first open it...RIGHT?!!?!?  Nope *sobbing*.

But what am I going to do?  I am not buying MORE tulle...I am going to use what I have purchased DAMMIT!  So every cut...every loop...every knot I had more and more glitter blanketing my living room.  At one point I sneezed...

doG f**king dammit!

I was so focused on my tutu making that I was unaware of Speedy sitting below me on the floor.  He was LOVING the glitter.

WTF dog?!?!  He looked like he crawled out of Tinkerbell's @$$hole.  Great...  I finished the Tutu, YAY!  But how am I going to transport this to my race?  I am NOT putting it in my car...maybe in a bag in the trunk.  But I'm going to be running in this....CRAP!

All I can envision is me leaving a trail of Red, Green and Iridescent sparkles as I jog my way through the course. F**k it!  I am going to embrace my sparkles. 

Just call me Tink.

And everyone behind me will be like...

...Sorry 'bout ya.

Whatever...

and possibly beaten by a mob of angry runners

Anyways, I attempted to clean my living room, couch and dog...oh and cats...and me....GOD IT WAS EVERYWHERE!!!  Vacuuming repeatedly didn't get it all.  I went shopping two days later and the clerk was like "ma'am you have glitter in your hair." *thinking* "What?  I've showered at least twice..." *said* "ahhhhhhhhhhh it really is the herpes of the craft world!"  As I shook my hair like a crazy person.  This got me some strange stares from other store patrons.  Side note....it has also made it's way into my bedroom *waaaaaahhhhhh*

It has been 4 days...FOUR DAYS...and there is still glitter.  Why is this happening to me?  I think it is reproducing. In conclusion...I love sparkly, shiny things but I hate glitter...unless its like this...

Who am I kidding?!?! I'd hate this....that $hit gets EVERYWHERE!!!  Hose yourself off...then we'll talk.

 

I'm feeling nostalgic...for some Christmas makes them think of their Childhood...for me its a "Pagan" holiday...tomaeto, tomahto

So since it's THAT time of year that I love, I've been thinking.  Well I've been decorating whilst watching horror movies on Netflix...same thing.  I love new stuff but there are some classics...well classics to me...that you just can't top. For example, the original SCREAM, was terrifying.  As was the original Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and Halloween. 

Side Note - There is a reason Wes Craven is known as "The Master of Horror".  His movies scare you without being OVERLY gory.  I mean they are gross but they aren't SAW...they are more give you a heart attack from suspense. And no matter how many times you see them, they give you the heebie f**king jeebies!!!

Anyways, thinking of Halloween in the 80's/90's when I was a child and a teen makes me giggle.  Things that we I did were a little, uh, different.   

1.  We had every Halloween themed McDonald's toy. Including those stupid buckets...which were WAY too small for actual trick or treating.  The McNuggets in costume...interchangeable costumes...win win.  Scooby Doo and friends, The Simpsons...and countless others.  McWTF...the happy meal toys aren't nearly as cool as they used to be, well maybe the Minions.

 





2.  Who else wore their dance costumes as Halloween costumes??? Maybe it was just my school but we had some OFF THE WALL costumes that could double as Halloween attire.  I remember dressing as a Gremlin, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Super Woman, a Flapper, etc.  I think you get the idea.  And they weren't stupid costumes.  People knew IMMEDIATELY who I was.  It was just stretchier versions of what you buy in the store...with SEQUINS!

By the way, I need a Gizmo!!!

3.  There were something like 25 "Haunted Houses" just in the NOLA area (and I VOLUNTEERED at a few).  Everyone and their Momma used to do one! And they were only $5 to go to.  Now there are maybe 3 and its $40 (with a coupon) AND its more of a "show" for adults with HIRED actors, than a scare the $hit out of little kids thing.  Bunch of pansies, kids need a good scare now and then.  How else will you learn that you should always look ahead when running from a Chainsaw wielding off duty police officer or you might run into a wall.  I'm not saying I did that...just a piece of advice.  Ahhh, Sheriff Foti's Haunted House was so much fun!

4.   Garfield and The Peanuts had the BEST Halloween specials...HANDS DOWN!
"Candy, candy, candy, candy"..."You didn't tell me you were going to kill it!"...pure amazingness!

5.  This isn't only for Halloween BUT its "horror" related...my mom used to let me stay up "late" on Saturday nights to watch Morgus the Magnificent.  It was originally from the late 50's, I think, on and off through the 80's (yay for me).  It was a NOLA thing and it was terribly cheesy but people LOVED it.  He was a crackpot "scientist" that had a lab in the old Ice House and he was part of the "Higher Order".  He would do these crazy experiments (that always went horribly wrong) while "hosting" mostly cheesy B-rated horror movies.  Some of the worst best horror movies were seen because I watched him.  Kind of like how "Mystery Science Theater 3000" introduced me to some great love to hate Sci-Fi.  

NOTE: Oh yea and one more thing.  There was none of this Trick or Treat the Saturday BEFORE Halloween because it's on a Tuesday bull$hit!  You Trick or Treat on Halloween...if you show up at my house before then I'll give your kid vomit flavored Jelly Beans.  Don't test me...that is stupid! Just because its a "school night" *grumble, grumble*.  Quit being lazy.  We did it...LIVE A LITTLE!