I answer to no one!

I am nice.  The nice one.  Non confrontational. Generally level headed.  While I will not be a doormat, I pick my battles so to say. 

With that said most of the time I choose not to respond to dickheadery.  Most of the time I will just roll my eyes and ignore when people are clearly trying to pick a fight or being pig headed. 

The problem occurs when you push me too f**king far or catch me at a bad time.  The problem is I don't have to explain myself to ANYONE.  The problem is if you come at me aggressively because you think you are entitled to know where I am and who I am with. 

My husband is literally the only person who is entitled to that information and he NEVER pulls any cards on me.  Plus we tell each other our plans if we aren't going to be together.  Its a non-issue. 

A week or so ago I had a person we'll just say is close to me send me a very aggressive text.  It was after midnight, after an evening of fun.  When I say aggressive, I mean it was all CAPS, a paragraph of anger accusing me of basically being a hypocrite because I went out after not going out earlier in the week.  

I responded calmly at first. Then they doubled down and I kinda snapped.  I am sorry but you do not get to monopolize what I do and who I am with.  So I said so much as kindly as I could but it wasn't my normal niceness or my normal laissez faire attitude.  

Now I am the bad guy.  How does that make sense?!?!?  I am getting the silent treatment.  They are telling everyone they can how I am being a b**ch.  How I attacked them.  I am the bad guy because I finally had enough of the badgering because I dared to do something without their knowledge.   So I am trying to pretend I am oblivious to this because I don't want to give it legs to run on.  But its hella hard because I really want to call them out but I wont.  I wont because that is what they want.  So instead I will kill them with kindness and move on.  

I HATE DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to the Cooch Show!

 Ever have one of those days where you go, "Damn...I should have stayed in bed..."?

I was having a really good day.  Worked in my garden, cleaned up a little around the house, did some painting (for fun, not like a wall).  Just a nice productive day.  

I took a shower and got ready to go run the streets and have a late lunch/early dinner.  I put on these adorable linen shorts and a black tank to head out.  As I was wandering around the house I noticed there was a hole in one of the pockets,  WTH, I've only worn these twice.  Whatever, I'll sew it up later. 

I put on some very light makeup, checked myself in the mirror and went to head out.  As we were heading out I made a comment to my hubs how nice these shorts were.  They were so light, it didn't feel like I had anything on.  He said they looked like they fit nice. 

Before we left my bladder woke up and was like YO GOTTA GO!  Normally I'd be like WTF but today I was soooo grateful for the delay.  

As I was finishing up I felt something tickling my ankle.  

On closer inspection, there was a hole in my pants. 

I started poking at it and realized, I could literally stick my entire hand through the hole. 

It was in the crotch area.  I pulled my shorts back-up to see why I didn't notice before and you couldn't see anything.

I walked towards the mirror.  That is when I saw flashes of my rainbow undies on display for anyone to see. 

I took them off to better examine them and the crotch was annihilated.  

It was legit hanging on by a single thread.  Cheaply made POS. 

So my $30 linen shorts that I wore twice are now in the trash but my old faithful $12 Old Navy shorts are still going strong.  

Dammit Barry, I had plans this weekend!!!!

Living in the South we learn to deal with hurricanes.  We prepare, we "hunker down" (GAH!), we drink, and we clean up.  

Barry (also known as a mother f**ker) took his sweet @$$ time making his way here...freaking everyone the hell out with all that "30 inches of rain" bull$hit, only to go poof basically.  

Don't get me wrong...some $hit went down and people lost some belongings and my heart goes out to them.  In my area it was 3 days BEFORE landfall.  I'm not even sure it was part of the "storm".  But for all the crazy being shown on National TV you woulda thought ALL of Louisiana was under water *rolling eyes*.  So for my sanity (and because we all drank a lot being in doors for almost 3 days)....here are my fav memes from the storm that never really was. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the end know we are funny as hell down here.  We take $hit seriously but if we don't laugh we all go a lil cray cray.  *cheers*

Shoutout to my guardian Angel

So I had to drive quite a distance today.  Thank goodness I was paying attention! As I was lala-ing along my way things got dangerous FAST!

Suddenly LOTS OF BRAKING.  The SUV in-front of me swerved to the right barely missing the back of an 18 wheeler.  I managed to slow to about 40 but was coming in hot.  I had seconds to make a move.  I noticed the pickup next to me pull to the right giving me room to swerve. 

Some jack@$$ was pulled over ON THE LEFT.  His pimp mobile looking thing was blocking half of the left lane.  We were going 75...I have a little car I can't see much past SUVs.  And no, I was not tailgating! 

I missed the pimp mobile by millimeters!

It happened so f**king fast.  But I can't thank that pickup enough for his quick reaction.  It was either slam into a stationary vehicle going over 35 mph or side swipe aa truck going who knows how fast.  Those were literally my options because there wasn't enough time to brake to a stop without possibly losing control. 

Who the f**k does that?!?!  I've had car issues on I10.  You either get over to the right somehow OR you pull all the way into the grass on the left.  You do not...I repeat DO NOT block half the f**king left lane of the Interstate. 

I hope that moron made it home safe.  Had I slammed into him I would have been severely injured.  He wasn't in the vehicle, I saw him on the phone in the grass.  My driver side would have been the side that hit. 

That would have been very very bad for me and who knows how my little car would have ricocheted around after.  It was rush hour...there were BIG vehicles everywhere!!!!!

My point is use your brain.  Don't block lanes of traffic if you can avoid it and DO NOT BLOCK AN INTERSTATE!  So yea, thank you guardian angel, the universe, the big guy....whomever...I am just glad it went the way it did.

I hate driving...not because of the driving itself but because of the other idiots on the road. 

I'm out...time for a shower and bed. 

Thor is an @$$hole

Sooooo I have this car.  This car that I've been paying on for a few years.  This car that I really like. Anyways, this car is paid off as of Tuesday.

The universe being the b**ch that she is decided to mess with me.  We are in a bit of a dry spell thanks to Florence.  I think the chance of rain all this week is less than 10%. LESS THAN 10%!!!!

Imagine my surprise when I was driving home Tuesday AFTER MAKING MY LAST CAR PAYMENT and seeing rain.  Meh, okay...stupid summer shower.  Stupid summer shower that turned into a mini hurricane!

It went from "oh its sprinkling" to "JFC I can't see the road" in like two seconds.  With the blinding rain was the most ridiculous light show I have seen it in some time.  It was like drunk Thor trying to shock Loki while he's sleeping. 

Great, fine...I'll just drive 10 mph down I10.  I was singing along with Hamilton.  "What as that?"  *singing* "Seriously, WTH was that...?" *turns down radio* *ping, ping* 

*ping ping ping ping*

"Is that f**king hail?!?!" *ping ping ping ping PING* 

"Stop it!!!!!  God dammit, I just paid this f**king car off!!!!!" 

The rain stopped, the sun came out, and a rainbow shown across I10.  "are you mocking me!?!?!?"

So yea...I paid off my stupid car and drove through a hail storm when there was a literal 10% chance of rain and then a rainbow popped up.

The universe got jokes.....

Side note - No damage...whew!

Keep your religious bull$hit to yourself before you hurt someone!!!!!!!

I don't care what peeps think...usually.  But when it could potentially cause harm to someone...I have an issue.

Saw this:

Okay, while I do agree for a while people were over medicated and misdiagnosed....these diseases do exist!!!!!!!!

What is funny is I saw this posted today....

Make up your f**king mind...do you think its real or not?!?!!?  My point is the first statement(s) about ACTUAL mental disorders not existing is bad.  They aren't lies.  They are REAL.  You may believe God made us who we are but that doesn't mean we have to live with serious illnesses.  I can't imagine God wanting us to suffer.  Are you going to tell me "God made you with cancer therefore don't treat it"?  NO!  Or that "God created you with depression so you would take your own life"?  NO!  First off Suicide is just an awful thing, and second... I mean it is frowned upon by God...."According to the theology of the Catholic Church, death by suicide is considered a grave matter, one of the elements required for mortal sin."  Suicide=Bad. 

Generally speaking...this FB post is stupid!!!!

Those aren't LIES.  They are real, just as real as any other illness and those people need help.  I'm sorry but prayer alone and "acceptance" can't fix a CHEMICAL IMBALANCE in the brain.  You don't have to suffer because "God made you broken", you just have to learn to fix what HURTS you and live your life. 

Religion is fine...great...faith=good but this $hit PISSES ME OFF!