Well that was the hottest Demon Possession ever

So I said the other day "hmmm I've not remembered my dreams lately" then -BAM- f**king nightmare. 

I say nightmare.  I mean it started that way. 

I lived in a small town after the world LITERALLY went to $hit.  It was like some weird combo of Supernatural, Handmaids Tale, and Hunger Games.  

People were fighting for food.  Like the "rich" who happened to be part of the f**king church made poor people fight...for FOOD!

But like there were supernatural things happening.  People were seeing weird things and weird things were happening.  Everyone who wasn't "rich" was pissed at the church but was scared to voice it. 

We all dutifully went to mass every day after working our @$$es off.  We got home after dark, cooked, cleaned and did it all again the next day.  IT SUCKED.  Our houses were like something out of the dark ages.  Mostly plain, mostly candle light or small lamps, gas or wood stoves.  Women were basically only there to breed and take care of the menfolk and kids. 

But the churches...they were bright and full of riches (WTF).  One day after a horrid time of explaining AGAIN that I can't make babies I heard a voice in my head.  It was a deep, sensual voice.  It sounded familiar and gave me chills but like in a good way, not scared.  It promised to free me from the turmoil of life and punish the church.  As tempting as that sounded I told it to F**K off and walked inside.  

It laughed....IT LAUGHED this rich amused chuckle and in a deep timber said it was only being nice, I didn't have to give it permission.  Suddenly I was flying through the air like a spastic supergirl and snarling at the priest adorned in gold. He threw holy water at me and an I said in a voice that wasn't mine "You can't make holy water if you are not a good person".  

I realized I was...enjoying this and started laughing and saying "Holy $hit I'm Flying!"  The demon seemed amused by my amusement.  

The poor were cheering and encouraging my...antics.  This happened for a while, not too long but we seemed to have like a symbiotic friendship...thing going on.  Then one day  I got hurt really really bad during one of our performances....and he left.  I became part of the resistance trying to get out from under the holy regime in control.  

Some time later after a raid, I hear the voice again but its not in my head. I turn and my jaw drops open.  Its Lucifer.  Not like biblical Lucifer...I mean Lucifer...I mean Tom Ellis...Lucifer!  I am at a loss for words.  Then he says "You know not all fiction is fiction... there is sometimes a little truth."  Sir are you implying Lucifer...the show was based on...NO WAY NO NAH AH!  And he had that...that predatory glean in his eyes, like he had in the stupid show.  That look that makes you feel funny things.  

He grabbed me by the back of my neck, then leaned in.  I could feel his breath on my lips as he said "Don't try to pretend you don't want this"

AND THEN I WOKE UP!  I woke up before the good part because my subconscious is an @$$hole!

The devil does...crafts?

Oh look Luci made an Etsy page!

I kid I kid.  It was my first thought, so sue me.

Cool stuff either way, link.  I don't see those on the site anymore but cool stuff none the less.

Side Note: This show....UGH this show....GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dressed up as The Doctor and now my soul belongs to Satan

Look I'm not really one to be like "your beliefs are stupid" but sometimes I see (or am told/TAGGED IN) $hit and just want to throat punch people.

LINK

Right...okay.  What?!?!!?!? Also, stop tagging me in this stuff!!!!!

If you don't want to celebrate Halloween, that's fine.  But stop with the stupid.  Halloween is not a satanic holiday.  If the church of Satan uses it as a holiday they "stole" it from earlier religions/traditions ...just like CHRISTIANS "stole" the winter solstice...also known as Christmas...from earlier Pagan religions. 

Again, if this is your belief I guess that's fine but stop telling me that because I celebrate my FAVORITE holiday I am not Christian and stop telling me my littles are being opened to demons because little Suzy dressed up as f**king Cinderella!

"We think because we are not performing any demonic rituals or human sacrifices that we are on safe ground, but did you know that as soon as you dress up, whether you color yourself or put on a costume, the enemy owns you? Because by doing so, you have turned over your legal rights, and you have dedicated yourself and your kids to celebrating the devil's holiday. "

What?!?! Are you saying I signed some divine LEGAL contract at some point and celebrating Halloween negates it?!?!? I don't think that's how this works....

Here's my take on it.  This person is a troll.  Like the ultimate troll.  How can I make already hyper paranoid Christians bat$hit...I know lets tell them if they put kids in Costume on one specific f**king day of the year, they're turning them into devil worshipers *pahahahahaha*.

Riiiiiight...*rolling eyes*.

"As devil worshippers, Halloween was very special to us, and we looked forward to celebrating it because we knew the implications and the dark power behind the night."

This is f**king dumb.  There is no special freaking demon power on Halloween.  It is an end of harvest festival that can be traced back to Celtic and Gaelic folk traditions. 

Here is where I think all the crazy BS comes in.  "it was seen as a liminal time, when the boundary between this world and the Otherworld thinned.  The souls of the dead were also said to revisit their homes seeking hospitality."

So a combination of OLD traditions.  Traditions that existed BEFORE CHRISTIANITY combined with new traditions created the holiday we now call Halloween.  

Tell me again how I am worshiping Satan if I am a f**king minion on Halloween and hand out candy to cute little kids who are having fun? 

But wait there's more! "The only harvest we celebrate is the harvest of souls.  For many who celebrate Halloween, that celebration carries over to Nov. 1, which is also known to some as the Day of the Dead, or All Saints' Day, but there is nothing holy about it—it is demonic."

Really...you are telling me ALL SAINTS' DAY...the day we (well some of us) visit the graves of our dead relatives and friends to leave flowers is...demonic...?  "We have a picture in our minds that it seems holy, but there is nothing innocent about it. " Uh huh.... 

No!!!!!  It is a day of f**king remembrance.  We REMEMBER those who have gone to heaven...recognized Saints and those not recognized.  We aren't performing some ritual to bring our friend back as a f**king zombie.   

Ya know what, its fine don't celebrate Halloween or All Saints' Day for that matter...more candy for me and less people when I leave flowers.  

This is how crazy happens!  Seriously, the devil is not hiding in a Holiday.  If you believe in Lucifer then you should also believe that he is always there tempting you.  He doesn't pop out on f**king Halloween and say "Ahhhahahahaha, you dressed your child as a sock monkey, his soul is now mine".  

Sorry, this stuff just makes me irrationally angry...

Coincidence??? Yea Probably......

So i was taking surveys while watching TV....you know multitasking or whatever.   My points reached a new high...

I was watching Lucifer at the time.  What does it mean?!?!!?  It means I need 334 more points so I can get a $10 Amazon GC already.  I mean not bad for taking a few surveys over the last couple weeks.

Anyways, clearly its a sign or something that Lucifer is the BEST SHOW EVER.  Okay one of the Best.  I have my other favs but OMG I love this show.  Its flipping hilarious but like with a plot and great characters and attractive actors.  I mean Mum is actually pretty hot.  Like stupid hot.  Moving on, so is Luci.  I wonder if he's nice in person....?  Hmmmm.  Like he's a great actor and kinda hot....it would totally suck if he was a jerk.  Anyways...

I need to stop.  Peace out...going take a cold shower, ha!

"The TV show made me do it" would not stand up in a court of law......right?

TV isn't the devil...networks aren't the devil...watching shows about the devil/demons/the occult doesn't make you a sinner.  Soooo why all the fuss?  I thought we lived in a "free" country.  I thought we had "free will".  Free will and free country mean you don't have to watch certain shows.  I certainly choose not to watch reality TV.  I don't like it, so I don't watch it, but I'm not gonna cause a big fuss about its immorality. 

"But what if my kids see it!"

Well, do as my parents did back in the day...tell them NO!  You all have "parental" controls now, use them.  Way back when my parents just said "don't watch MTV" or "Don't let me catch you watching Beavis and Butthead" so of course we did watch it and while that show was 10 kinds of WRONG, I didn't think it was a good idea to cover my brother in honey and stick him near an ant pile.

They also couldn't stop us from watching HBO.  We were told not to but after a certain time they were sleeping and "Real Sex 29" or whatever was on.  And I am fairly certain my brothers watched it ALL THE TIME (ew).

Today, people are LOSING THEIR MINDS over the shows Lucifer and Damien...more so Lucifer and it is hilarious!  None of them have watched the show(s)...that is obvious but they have some crazy strong opinions as to why, and I quote, "shows like this allow evil into our houses".  Really...really...?  Are you sure shows like "Cheaters", "Keeping up with the Kardashians", & "16 & Pregnant", to name a few, aren't to blame?  Because I am pretty sure those travesties are based on REAL PEOPLE and REAL EVENTS, where as Lucifer and Damien are works of FICTION!

My opinion, its dumb.  "But 'Lucifer' glamorizes the devil!  It makes you feel sorry for him and want to be his friend".  Okay that is kind of true.  Sort of.  I mean he is still the DEVIL.  He is still a "bad guy".  The show does humanize him a bit but he's still scary.  And he doesn't try to hide the reality that he is in fact the devil.  He tells everyone and everyone CHOOSES to ignore him.  Think about THAT for a second!  The show doesn't depict him as being sneaky.  He is blatantly doing immoral things and calls himself the Devil and people disregard him. 

The thing that KILLS me more is when they are like "they make it look like Lucifer was wronged by God!" Alright, I see what you are saying but shouldn't you learn your angelic tales a bit.  Overly simplified version.  Lucifer was one of the favorites.  He was an archangel.  He was the "Morning star", the "Bringer of Light" and he fell from grace because he didn't agree with what God was doing and thought he could do it better.  He wanted to be worshiped.  He was cast into hell for having an opposing opinion. I am not defending the biblical devil, I am just paraphrasing.  The show, which is based loosely on a comic (NOT THE BIBLE), gives you things from his perspective.  In the show, he got bored, he made himself human, and is learning how being human kind of sucks. 

And honestly it is f**king HILARIOUS.  It really is.  If my holy roller mother can appreciate it for what it is (satire) then all you crackheads needs to quite your over analyzed b**ching.  In the show he says he can't affect free will.  He CAN make you tell him your darkest desires and wants.  Then use them against you.  Unfortunately that is not just a devil trick...that is a trait of humanity.  Find someones weakness and use it against them.  There is no such thing as "the devil made me do it".  The devil can tempt you.  The devil can persuade you.  The devil cannot make you do anything.  You have to choose right vs wrong.  Here is comes again...FREE WILL.  We.all.have.it. 

Its funny they are so focused on this (probably bc the name of the show is Lucifer) because Supernatural touched on this YEARS ago.  Luci on that show is trying to tempt Sam.  He can't force him into anything, Sam has to decide for himself.  The devil comes across as kind and caring...just misunderstood.  And Sam decides to choose Lucifer to save the world.  Is he a bad guy, of course, but my point is they went down a similar path and I don't recall as much of an outrage. 

So here it is, you can have an opinion (just like me) but
- a TV show called Lucifer/Damien isn't going to bring evil into your life. 
- a TV show called Lucifer/Damien isn't going to tempt you to do immoral things. 
- a TV show called Lucifer/Damien isn't going to make your children devil worshipers. 

Plus these are both rated "Mature" meaning, your spawn shouldn't be looking at them anyway.  You can opt NOT to watch it.  No one is forcing you to watch it.  But I wouldn't be so focused on these if you are allowing little Johnny and Jane to watch "Real Housewives of _______" with you.  Those are probably worse morally than watching a fictional show about the devil.  At least with Lucifer/Damien you can teach that it isn't real....with reality TV...even as scripted as it is...that is still a shining example of human depravity.  

When I said I thoguht the devil was cute, I was talking about the actor!!! Not the actual devil!!! Please remove this curse!

Right so in a previous post I was rambling on about my crush on "the devil" but not really the devil...an ACTOR playing him on a TV Show.  Apparently the part where I said "NOT ACTUALLY THE DEVIL" was lost when some of the divine were reading my blog and they decided to punish me.

We did a travel race recently and thought "whooohoo excuse for a girls weekend".

Everything was fine.  We had some adult beverages and decided to do a buffet for dinner.  Buffets are usually a waste on me because I don't eat THAT much but what the heck, why not...?

A few of us went straight for the snow crabs...mmmmmm snow crabs.  They were delicious.  There was also boiled shrimp, prime rib, calamari, oysters, clams, scallops, pad thai, sushi (um no thanks...buffet...just...no), etc etc etc.  We were having fun and chatting and drinking (water/cokes at this point).  30-45 min later everyone started eating dessert but I wasn't in the mood (this is normal...I don't eat many sweets).  Mid-sentence I got the absolute worst stabbing pain I have EVER had.  I literally just stopped talking.  Then it passed.  Okay...that was weird...moving on.  A few minutes later it happened again...lasted longer but then passed. "Hmmmm what is wrong with me...?" Attributing it to "NOLA Gurl never eats this much" I ignored it (bad idea).  It happened again...SO BAD I white knuckle gripped the table and closed my eyes.  I thought I was going to pass out from pain.  My friends were like...dude you okay?  No...no...I think...I think I need to pop off to the potty for a tic.  Everything I ate was just dying to make a reappearance.  They were all done so they opted to go back to the room with me before we headed to our next destination.

I wasn't dying but I felt...off...and I was terrified of what the next "knife in the gut, rolling nausea" pain would bring with it.  As we are going up in the elevator one of my other friends stopped mid sentence and bent over in pain..."Uh oh".  She did not fare as well as me with the "OMG someone is stabbing me from the inside" pain (told you I have a high pain threshold).  No...no...she was about to....have a moment in the elevator.

It was like a childbirth moment.  "Sweetie breathe, breathe.  Okay you are fine...you're fine", *crying out in pain*, "you've got this...just 3 more floors" *to the other friend* "get the key out, NOW!".  We couldn't run down the hall because...just trust me when I say, that would have been unwise.

We barely made it into the room.  While one of us "died" in the bathroom, the rest of us just hung out in the common area with the TV up loud, for privacy purposes. I was not doing well sitting there but we only had one bathroom...*deep breath* you can wait.  Suddenly you hear "y'all *gasp* I think I might be dying!"  

By this point I am sweating and pale. *whoosa, whoosa*

"I'm fine...feel great...yep..." Yea no!  She came out just in time for me to bolt in there, I couldn't "breathe" my way through the pain anymore.

After my friend's second bout of dying in the bathroom the following occurred:

Me: Okay, so we are, uh, staying in...good, that's good.
Friend 1:  I need pepto, *groan* flopping onto the bed
Friend 2: Yea, I think that would be wise, y'all don't look too good
Me: *taking off leggings to put on my PJs* Right, I'll text the others and...
*running with leggings around my ankles and just a cami* 
*tripping over the leggings* 
*slamming into the wall* 
*crawling into the bathroom* 
*barely made it to the toilet*

***5 minutes later*** 

Friend 2: NOLA Gurl, you need to get out the bathroom, NOW!
Me: *in a sing song voice* I caaaaaan't , I'm having issssuuuuuessss *stabbing pain* *gag* *groan*
Friend 1: I can't, I can't hold this in *starting to cry* it hurts so much
Friend 2: *screaming* NOLA Gurl, we have a PROBLEM!!!
Me: *dying* * just straight up dying*
Friend 2: Weeeeellll there is a trash can in here
Friend 1: Ha! *gag* *groan* don't make me laugh...
Me: *sobbing* it just...it just won't stop! 

This went on for hours.  It was like a gladiator match trying to get to the bathroom.

We cuddled with each other on the bed, moaning in pain, and watching videos on a phone until we fell asleep (sort of).  I mean who wants to fall into a deep sleep when there is a chance you could puke or $hit yourself before you get to the f**king bathroom 

So we are 99% sure we had some type of food poisoning but we can't figure out what we ate differently. 

UPDATE - we think it was the snow crabs.  They were dumping the fresh ones on top of the older ones...we think ours were from the bottom...who knows how long there were there...o_O

And that's how you figure out you may have a new "celebrity crush" *doh*

Sooooooooooooooooooo I may have mentioned recently at that other site that I really really really REALLY like that new show Lucifer on Fox.  If you haven't watched it you are missing out!  Like holy crap I am 100% obsessed.  Okay not obsessed but I love it!  The casting is perfection.  The writing is amazing.  The whole premise is fascinating.  Never in my life did I think I would "feel sorry for the devil".  He's just so misunderstood...oh my God I am going to hell.

It also helps that Mr. Ellis is not bad to look at...and takes his shirt off...FREQUENTLY (thank you TV gods).  But it isn't just that...

Oh and the accent...what is it about accents?!?!!?  He's just really good at making me want to be friends with the devil...but he's still scary...that sounds so weird...

With that said I have my old favs.  Those will never change...probably (hahaha).  But I didn't realize how much Lucifer was on my mind until today.  Again, I sound like a satanist...I'm not...I SWEAR!

I was speaking to a Customer.  His name is Tom.  As he was talking I was scribbling notes.  I went back to look at my notes and I wrote down "Tom Ellis".  His name...his name isn't Ellis *gah*...its close but soooooooooo not.  It actually starts with an 'H' but it ends in -is so that's close...right?!?!

Anyways when I realized my blunder I put my head down and giggled.  Like legit GIGGLED.  Oh lord help me I think I have a teeny crush on the devil...I mean Mr. Ellis...I mean Mr. Ellis playing Lucifer Morningstar.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaand OMG I really do sound like a loon!