This is why we cant have nice things

This is long, buckle up!  So I just watched “People we meet on vacation”.

Adorable movie!  I know it was based on a book and people who read it had mixed feelings.  But overall it was a cute movie with fun characters, funny moments, and a decent story. 

My annoyance comes from the trope of Best Friends to Lovers. I get it…I know that happens.  And people are always like “ruin the friendship”. “Best friends make the best husbands/wives”.  “Don’t live with regrets”.

I hate all of this.  Not because I don’t believe you shouldn’t be besties with your sig other but because this thought process damages the actual PLATONIC opposite sex friendships.  The stigma in everyone’s head is “well boys and girls cant be friends because they will hook up”

Girls wont trust a girl bestie with their husband and guys wont trust a guy bestie with their wives.  Jealousy happens, accusations happen, and friendships are ruined.  I’ve lost numerous male friends because their girlfriends or wives were convinced we were either hooking up or going to at some point.  Like no ma’am, we have been friends for 20+ years we aren’t like that.

But these movies show the end of committed relationships so the “friends” can be together.  I think the issue comes in that people don’t know the difference between romantic love feelings and platonic love feelings.  I love my friends but I don’t LOVE them that way.  Does that make sense??  

Yea yea sometimes it’s unrequited love or whatever but maturity also plays a part.  thinking you “love” someone but they love you like a friend you have a choice to make.  Keep perusing them and lose the friendship or remember WHY you are friends in the first place and preserve that.  

Maybe I am wired different but I can look at my guy friends and be like they are attractive and I love them without being like let’s hook up.  I love their companionship more than anything.  We are all happily married and want our spouses to be friends.  

Like get out of your hormones and be a f**king adult.  Or better yet encourage your kids to be friends with everyone.  If you son has a girl bestie don’t be like “oooooooo your girlfriend, ooooooo kissy kissy” and same if your daughter has a guy bestie.  We are the problem.  We put that stigma on them before they even understand sexual relationships.  

My point is I had a guy bestie…since Kindergarten!  We literally stayed friends through college.  Was I his date to a couple dances when he didn’t have a GF, yes. Was he mine when I didn’t have a BF, yes. But we were JUST FRIENDS.  No flirting, no hanky panky, none of that.  We had so much fun because were were literally just really good friends. 

In college my VERY jealous boyfriend thought for sure I was cheating on him with my friend.  Then he met him…and was like “wait I like this dude”.  EXACTLY!  He is a nice guy and not a threat to you my dear. 

But alas life happened.  We took a pic at graduation and soon his fiancé didn’t want us to be friends.  She gave him an ultimatum.  I wouldn’t expect him to choose me.  I was a little hurt but I am used to it by now.  

But what if we as a society didn’t put that stigma on KIDS.  What if we didn’t beat it into people that if you don’t have the same genitalia friendship is impossible??? What if we let them organically be friends and if things went to romance whatever but if they didn’t it is OKAY to just be f**king friends!!!!

I love my friends, male/female/non-binary/whatever!!  I don’t care what you have/don’t have in your pants or who you are attracted to.  If we click we click.  I can have a deep emotional bond with someone without it being sexual!!!!!!!!!!

I think this also goes back to the saying “emotional affairs”. That term gets thrown around a lot!  Because if you have a connection with anyone except your sig other and they happen to be of the opposite sex it seems to always be deemed an emotional affair.  Here’s the thing…stop doing that!

An emotional affair means you are seeking attention affection outside of a committed relationship because you are not getting what you need from it. Yea don’t do that!  Talk with your person.  Don’t use another to get what they aren’t giving in your relationship. Either work on the ship or end it.  

But Texting/hanging out with someone because you have common interests and are FRIENDS is not a f**king emotional affair.  If you went out with the girls would anyone say anything?!?! NO! So stop with the stigma.  Now if you are hiding something, bad on you. 

But I for one am tired of people being like “Oh you hung out with another guy?!?!?!  What would your husband think?!?!”  Listen judgy McJudgerson 1. He is fully aware of where I am and who I am with. 2. He knows this person also. 3. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Now I am not texting/calling these people at all hours of the night and nothing inappropriate.  I treat them like one of my girlfriends and they treat me like one of the guys.  I just wish as a society we could recognize that this is normal and not some scandalous thing that will result in the Friends becoming an item….

Rant over…I just want to not lose my friends because of this bull$hit!

That's not your job!!!

So I had another weirdly vivid dream.  

What I remember.  I was working on a base(?).  Things weren't good.  Something had happened and society was a $hittier show. I was in army camo stuff and I had on one of those hats... like this. 

I was in charge of peace.  Basically playing mediator because people suck and don't know how to act human.  But I was also doing like 10 other jobs.  My work partner (a guy) kept yelling at me to stop.  He would loud cap me in front of others about things I shouldn't be doing.  We were equals and I kinda knew him I think.  Like in the dream I knew we were friends before whatever happened.  But now that we were here we fought A LOT.   Like I wasn't even sure we were friends anymore because he was so mean to me all the time.

I hated it because I didn't understand why my partner/friend was being like this towards me.  Why he felt the need to do any of this. 

Since I was a peacekeeper I usually didn't say anything back just rolled my eyes.  After a harrowing day...I think I broke up a fight and helped someone sign up for food rations (?)...he loud capped me about how the food rations weren't my responsibility.   

I had HAD it. I fired back at him saying something along the lines of "they needed help. what was I supposed to do just ignore them?!?!  Tell them to go queue over there and hope @$$hat #10 who didn't help before helps them this time????  These people are scared and hungry what the f**k do you want from me!??!!?" and I stormed out of the room. 

I was in a bathroom...I think.  I was leaning on a counter trying not to have an anxiety attack.  The lighting was very...sterile if that makes sense.  Anyways I was trying to breathe when I felt someone come up behind me.  I was about to whirl around to fight when they grabbed me by the waist, pinning my back to their front, and leaned in next to my ear.  His cheek rubbed against mine.  His skin...the stubble...it felt strangely familiar.  

"I only do this to protect you.  We all have jobs and responsibilities and more than half of what you do isn't your job.  I am trying to protect you.  Please, try to understand, it's because I care.  I care so much but no one can know how much."

I broke, started crying, and said "I thought you hated me".  He held me super tight and nuzzled into my neck apologizing over and over. 

It jumps ahead, we still fight a lot.  I've become closer with some of the others (men & women).  We bond over all the crap we get from my partner.  We are all outside...a bunch of other soldiers (?) on a mission (?).  It's storming because I think we f**ked up the Earth so much she doesn't know what to do anymore.  We needed to get across the base.  But it's like...borderline monsoon...heavy heavy rain.  

I'm like f**k it and take off running.  Everyone seems to follow.  Someone grabs my hand and is running next to me.  It's my partner.  He has my hand in a vice grip but not painful.  We are running and I yelled "I thought people couldn't know you cared?".  He didn't say anything.  We could barely see a foot in front of us, navigating by memory but we could hear other boots splashing around us.  

We slowed slightly and the boots passed us I think.  He suddenly stops and turns me towards him. He practically yells (because of the storm) "I don't care what they think. I'm tired of us not being us.  I'm tired of you looking hurt because of me.  I'm tired of missing you.  I'm tired of being jealous of the time they get with you. I'm tired of pretending you aren't my world".

**record scratch**

WHAT?!?!  I couldn't see his face.  Just the shadow from his hat and the rain pouring around us. Me being me...who cracks jokes when I am nervous or uncomfortable said "Why do I feel like you are going to kiss me in the rain now?" (nervous laugh).

He said "Would you like that?" and kissed me, like REALLY KISSED ME. Everything was spinning.  I was dizzy, confused, cold, scared but I was safe in his arms. I heard whooping & whistling from somewhere in the distance....that's when I realized the rain had stopped and we had an audience.  He leaned into my ear and whispered "I love you". 

I think I need to lay off the Enemies to Lovers books!!!!!!!!

What is this feeling so sudden and new….?

It’s been a whirlwind couple weeks. Work, vacation, WORK, travel, family…WORK.  

Honestly I am exhausted.  But in a good way.  It was just a lot going on in a short period of time. 

Over the course of a few days I met with family, my work friend, an old friend, and a new colleague.  It was stressful, busy, successful and fun. 

I just got home.  Like drove over an hour fine, singing and just trying to decompress.  I sat at my desk to catch up on somethings and almost gasped.  I was just getting settled and was overcome by almost a sadness.  I don’t know how to express it but like my heart hurt.  Almost like I was missing…….like I was literally missing something.  What is wrong, what am I feeling?!!?

I kinda paused, closed my eyes, and was like WTH while resting my Hand on my chest.  

And then I heard *ding*….I got a message that just said “breathe”.  

WTAF?!?!  How.  How the hell. Just freaking how!?!?!?  What are the chances?!!?

So I responded “oh just got home…what did I miss?” And it was some BS work thing of course. 

But explain to me how the hell am I overcome with this weird, complicated, almost “foreign” emotion and out of the blue my friend (?) says breathe just as its happening. That isn’t NORMAL! Am I not normal?!?!?!  I don’t believe in this many coincidences!!!!

This $hit doesn’t happen with everyone and I really have to be in tune (which I have been trying to do lately) but it catches me off guard every GD time. 

Look I can get along with literally anyone (usually) so I generally make friends/pack bond with peeps and after 3 FULL days together we were sufficiently bonded (re-bonded) and thankfully not sick of each other (hahaha). But this is the 2nd time this overwhelming feeling has happened after a work trip and it’s starting to freak me the f**k out. 

That almost seems like a line in the sand

That’s it…I am so over people!  I don’t get it…. But I will respect it because I am not a complete psycho. 

So I think it happened.  I think I have officially “lost” another friend.  There were a few acting a fool a while back….I thought all was good but I guess I should know by now some persons of the opposite gender are incapable or unable to be friends.  

Again, I have a BUNCH of guy friends.  Completely platonic, male friends.  We are all friends with each other and in many cases each other’s spouses. 

Everything has been okie dokie artichokie so I thought we were past the weirdness but alas I was incorrect. 

I try very very hard not to read into things.  Mainly because it’s exhausting and generally I’d prefer people be DIRECT.  But sometimes you get a vibe and just KNOW something is up. 

So I got a message the other day.  Not a mean message but a message none the less and it was odd.  It was ridiculously “formal” and unlike our normal bantering messages.  At first I was like all good we all have stuff going on during the day.  So I said cool, thanks, and whatnot and went on with my day.  

But later I saw it again and was like WTF.  It’s no longer “hey friend or hey bestie” its just hello or Hi. Or the weirdest is my actual full name, not like my nickname.  Again tried not to read into it.  

But then I made a comment about Not sure if you saw my pic or not and I got the “I don’t think I should like or comment on your pictures.”  Ummmm I’m sorry what?  

1. That’s fine I was just asking did you see it

2. Why did you tell me that?

3. WTF happened now!?!?

Also, I don’t think we can “hang out” or meet up  Which again we live fairly far apart sooooo it’s unlikely but what on earth happened.  Like please please please don’t tell me you think I was like hitting on you because I am friendly and like pack bond with everyone (not in an oogy way, I am stupidly loyal to peeps I click with).   You know (and can see) I have it pretty dang good and actually love my hubs and would NEVER. 

AND I have way too much respect for you and your spouse.  Like do you even know me?!?!?!  I mean I guess it could be a jealously thing.  but like 1. Not a cheater 2. Not my type 3. Did I mention, Not into the whole cheating thing?!?!?

Or maybe we got too close?  But like how….we don’t even live in the same f**king state. Like they thought we crossed a line of closeness…?  But again,…JUST FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!  And our messages weren’t scandalous…they were generally non-sense and gifs!

So anyways, I doubt we’ll be bantering and hanging out ever again so that blows because we were actually kinda close but hopefully some semblance of our friendship is salvaged. 

Friendship is a gift…I really wish people would cherish and have more respect for it!!!