Ever wonder if you slipped into a different reality in your sleep?!?!?!

So I am close with a few persons of the male gender.  Like we are legit friends.  Most, I am friends with their wives/sig others.  That is all we will ever be and we are super close.  Like we are basically  inseparable and know almost everything there is to know about each other.  

Well last night I had a dream.  And when I woke up I legit went "no...no...NO NO NO!"

We were in a tropical climate.  It wasn't NOLA, I know that.  But it was warm and LOTS of water and LOTS of bridges.  Something was wrong.  Think like Day After Tomorrow WRONG.  

We were at work I think and it was raining REALLY REALLY hard.  At some point about 10 of us decided we needed to leave but it was some place where we didn't need a vehicle so we left on foot.. WTAF.  As we were walking we could see islands in the distance.  The islands had volcanoes exploding.  But like...each one was exploding in a ....face?  One looked like it had devil horns, one was a "normal" face, and so on.  I was very nervous.  Like I knew something was very wrong and we were in terrible danger.  As we are running along the coast I was falling behind.  My work bestie grabbed my hand so I would keep up with him. Look I am short...."fast" on a good day....I was struggling. 

We made it to a bunker but it was under ground.  I was FREAKING OUT. I kept saying we shouldn't be below sea level.  Something is wrong.  We need to go higher!!!!  We were trying to get to our families for f**ks sake.  But no one would listen.

My friend and a few others seemed to be on the same page as me.  We opted to leave the bunker and hop into a Bronco with the the dude from Hawaii Five-0.  What.is.happening?!?!?!

Legit haven't watched that show in 5 years but okay brain.  So we are in this old @$$ Bronco driving across this ONE LANE bridge as waves of water crash OVER the bridge.  I am talking Tsunami kind of waves.  So dreams work nothing like reality.  A 30 ft wave would FLOAT the vehicle and we'd somehow land back on the bridge because he had been driving this bridge his whole life.  

Well one wave was too much and knocked us off just enough that we didn't land back on the bridge and were spun around into some canal thing.  I started to roll down the window to jump out and this f**ker told me to roll it back up because his way would give us more time before the car sunk. 

Well his way sucked and we were suddenly plummeting into the dark depths. I blacked out and when I came to I was looking up at my work bestie.  He started crying and hugging me and mumbling something into my neck.    

We were now on foot and it was just the two of us.  We were hiking across scorched but wet lands.  He was dragging me by they hand.  I kept saying "Leave me, You need to get home!"  But he wouldn't leave me.  He said  I love you and you are coming home with me!  

What....what?!?!  I mean yes I love all my friends.  That is nothing weird but I am holding you back and you could die.... LEAVE ME. Also we have never officially said "love you boo boo"

We were hitting dead ends at every turn.  He was getting visibly more scared but had my hand in a death grip. I was hurt and exhausted.  I was keeping him from escaping. I said  "please.  Please just leave me I can't go anymore".  

His beautiful blue eyes were scared, frantic.  I said "go home! *wife* is waiting for you" 

He grabbed me by the shoulders and said "You are coming home too!  Plus *wife* would kill me if I left you, I think she loves you more than me!"

So we ran...and ran....and ran.  I finally collapsed from exhaustion.  He lifted me back to my feet.  I again begged him to leave me.  He grabbed my face and said "never", then kissed me.  Nothing sweet or romantic.  It was desperate, rough, scared but full of emotion.  He poured everything into the kiss.  Its like the kiss let me know how loved I was.  I was staring dumbfounded at him and couldn't form a thought.

A massive wave crashed over us and I woke up. 

I have ZERO desire to kiss my friend.  Honestly I think if he tried to kiss me I'd either burst into a fit of giggles or gag.  We aren't like that.  We never have been and its' never going to happen!!!!

So why...?  Why did my brain go "tonight you aren't going to kiss hubby or your celebrity crush.  Tonight we kiss someone we see as a brother!!!! *muahahahaha*"  I mean seriously...WTAF!

That's bull$hit and you know it!

I waited a week to post anything but I just can't with these politicians anymore. 

'We're a city that floods, so deal with it.’ 

LINK

What?!?!?  You are the new Mayor of N.O.  I get that you probably inherited a $hitstorm but that is NOT how you win over the populous!!!

Backstory, we had 3-5 inches in less than an hour last Friday (1 week ago).  Streets flooded but I mean that's a lot of rain in a very short time.  We've always had MINOR street flooding when rain happens like that.  That is normal.  What isn't normal is MAJOR street flooding and it getting into homes/businesses for a f**king 2 hour rainstorm.

I have lived in this area my whole life.  I moved away for a few years but not far enough to not know what's going on.  WE ARE NOT A CITY THAT FLOODS!  The Vieux Carre DID NOT USED  TO FLOOD.  So what changed? 

Nothing changed...and that is the problem.  You can't neglect the infrastructure for decades and then act surprised when $hit doesn't work. 

When have we flooded (in homes etc) in the past:

1927 - Obvi before my time...Record flooding across 7 states....they blew a levee to save NOLA
1965 (Betsy) - I was not alive but there are rumors that a levee was intentionally broken
1995 - 18" of rain in a 24 hour period
2005 (Katrina) - The levees failed. A perfect storm of crap happened and the Levees which were SUBPAR f**king failed.
2005 (Rita) - They re-broke...
2017 (OMG it f**king rained) - It wasn't that bad of a storm....but people flooded
2011-2018 - Random Rainstorms have streets closed and people's cars/property flood

I'm sure there were other's maybe not as bad but these are the ones I know because I heard stories or lived through them.

In recent years nothing rainstorms cause concerns throughout the metropolitan area...last August everything came to a head.  That was the proverbial straw.  People are outraged.  After Katrina we got money from the federal government to help fix $hit.  There are ridiculous taxes in place to "keep up" with $hit.  We were told "'all pumps are operational,' and pumps were overwhelmed and couldn't keep up with the pace of the rain." Yet we find out last August that 14 of the city's 121 pumps at the city's 24 stations were not operational, including eight broken pumps and pumps down for scheduled maintenance. Six smaller "constant duty" pumps that regularly pump out groundwater also were down. And some turbines that power the stations were not functional. 

We have the equipment in place but its not been maintained properly.  They just did a HUGE drainage project on Bourbon and Bourbon still flooded last Friday.  Soooooo what exactly did they do?  Yea yea lots of rain, short time, but Bourbon didn't flood for Katrina.  The Quarter was basically DRY for Katrina.  So please explain to me WTF is happening?!?!?

I honestly don't know, I am not an engineer but I can assume the money was squandered and/or $hit was half-@$$ed.  Louisiana is known for corruption.  There is a reason we don't get the businesses here that other states get.  Its because its still good ol' boy politics down here.  "sure you can build your BILLION dollar business here but I want a piece for my pocket".  That isn't how it works...or it isn't how it should work. 

I know it costs a lot to fix but it needs to be done.  Had it been MAINTAINED over the years instead of neglected things would be easier to fix.  Like my friend said "Its like a house.  If you don't maintain your house over the years, eventually it will fall apart.  Same thing goes for the city.  You can't neglect mechanical parts and pipes for decades and act surprised when they don't work."

Rant Over!  F**k Off if you think the residents are that dumb.

This mother f**ker here!

What does this mean?!?!?





























Yo Harvey, get to going!

I mean look at that "forecast".  The spaghetti lines all have him making landfall near Corpus Christi, spinning around in circles, and then darting over Louisiana.

That B**ch is saying "weeeeee. F U Tejas!!!!" and then drowning LA.

No, Just No...JUST NO.

Also, last night "Tropical Depression Harvey might show some signs of development before landfall".  

Early this morning "Harvey is now a Tropical storm and could get stronger".

Later this morning "The waters off of Corpus Christi Texas are 87 degrees...its too warm. Harvey could develop quickly before landfall tomorrow."

Around 10:15 AM, "Harvey could be a Cat 3 before landfall".

MOTHER F**KER!  Yea he's going in, in TX but holy cannoli we are forecast to get a $hit ton of rain next week.  Also, I have loved ones in Texas...do not stall over Texas!!!

**UPDATE** I am so so so scared for my family and friends in Texas.  This thing is a Cat 4 and moving slow.  Please please please stay safe y'all!!!!

This is why I am reluctant to help people

I waited over a week to post this and still feel the same........

I've lived through 4 major floods, I can say this fully knowing what is happening in your head.  Don't be an @$$hole to people trying to help you!  I know tensions are high.  I know emotions are raw.  I know what it feels like to be homeless, even if temporary.  I know what it feels like to lose almost everything you possess.  And I know hearing things like "well at least you are alive" is not what you want to hear.  I know ALL OF THESE THINGS, which is why against my better judgement I agreed to help.

I am not talking about gutting houses or donating items.  I did and will do that too.  I am talking about being guilted into calling in a favor.  I don't call in favors for others.  I'll call in favors for myself (RARELY) but I am hesitant to do it for others because I have been burned in the past. 

I knew this would backfire.  I f**king knew it!  But I did it anyway because I am way to flipping nice.  I called in a favor.  I BYPASSED a waiting list.  I rushed things that are not normally rushed.  But no, that wasn't good enough.  "What do you mean 5 days?  I need it now."  Yea well so does the 100,000+ other people that flooded.  So I pushed more than I wanted to and somehow got it taken care of in 2.5 days.  When I shared this WONDERFUL news I heard crickets.  8 hours later I received a text....not a call...a text..."Oh we don't need it anymore".  What?!?!?! You couldn't have told me that sooner?!?!?!  Like before normal business hours end....

So now I have to call my people that made miracles happen and tell them "oh yea you know all that work you did for me...never mind".  This is why I don't f**king help people!  I've been in that situation.  I've been homeless and in need and I NEVER...NEVER...NEVER pulled some bull$hit like this.  Clearly you have no respect for me.  Clearly you do not value me.  Clearly you think you can $hit on me and its no big deal.  F**k off.  I'm still going to help rebuild because again I am a nice f**king human being but I will NEVER call in a favor again.  I don't care who you are, not.gonna.happen.

Look I was 100% scatterbrained for 3 months after Katrina and 6 months after Isaac.  I get it but I always made sure to be appreciative of those that were going above and beyond to help me.  I must be a different breed because even with being completely overwhelmed I made sure everyone knew how much I valued their assistance. 

Be considerate to others for f**ks sake!

Rant over. 

P.S. I was told..."oh they didn't mean anything they are just forgetful".  BULL$HIT!  We texted and called repeatedly and no longer needing this was NOT mentioned.  

I got nature in my eye!

So I am not a girly girly girl.  I like dressing up and being pretty sometimes but I also like playing in the garden, camping, and dancing in the rain.  Which is why when I am told there are TRAIL RUNS, I am usually one of the 1st to sign up.  I love them.  I love running but trail runs are so fun!!!  Its not your typical run.  You aren't on asphalt.  You are in the woods, by a stream, enjoying nature.  Until nature turns on you and you wonder what on EARTH you were thinking!!!

So getting back from vacay where you are eating horribly and NOT exercising and then doing a race is probably not the best idea.  Make that race a trail run and I feel like you are just asking for trouble.  That is what I did.  But I was ready to get back into the swing of running.  At the @$$ crack of dawn we headed out.  We'd been checking the weather.  Two days before 20% chance of rain, day before 30% chance of rain, night before 45% chance of rain (hmmmm), day of 60% chance of rain (ummmm), arriving at the race 90% chance of rain (well f**k).

Hmmm that looks ominous...but we live in the South...that's a summer shower...it'll blow over...

 

  So we continued on...then this happened

I'm pretty sure we just drove through a water spout...HALP!  Shut-up! It'll blow over!!!!

We get to the race and pre-race selfie...

Ooooo f**k you, what is BEHIND us?!?!!?  It's moving south....*whew*...that is moving AWAY from us.  It'll be fine...we'll be fine...its FINE!  But just in case we left our phones and earbuds in the car...ya know to be safe.

So we get to the start line and the guy on the PA is like "I know we are supposed to start at 8 but since people were delayed because of weather we are delaying the start time slightly but not too much"...K. 

8:09: "The lightening you are seeing is moving away from us, no need for concern, we will start soon.  The trail is clear, a little muddy, only a few spots maybe ankle deep water"...ummmm kaaaay, I mean I am a little concerned...its wet and I am about to be in the woods!

8:15ish: "Ummmm, weather reports show some storms over the lake and NOLA East.  They are, uh, moving in a South Easterly direction....so, uh, yea basically they are moving right towards us *nervous laugh*.  We will start shortly".  WTF?!?!?

8:19: *star spangled banner* starts playing. It ends.  The thunder crashes so loud my teeth clanked, the sky opens up in a deluge and we hear a *horn*.  Seriously?!?!?!  We are starting now?!?!?! 

So we went.  All 200 or so of us took off running INTO the woods.  I don't mind running in the rain, keeps ya cool.  Well me and my bestie are a giggling mess running and dodging branches when we hear *screaming* up ahead.  Ummmm, no bueno...what is happening.  We come around a bend and there is literally a STREAM flowing across the trail.  Ankle deep my @$$ that is over that girls shins!!!!  Can't go over it...can't go around it...gotta go through it...and "holy f**king $hit that is cold!!!".  Once that was done we were like "oh, mud is fine, this is fine, we are fine.  A little rain wont kill us" *thunder crash* "$hit".  We go a little further and the ENTIRE TRAIL is knee deep water.  Hmmmm I mean it must just be this section...right?!?  .5 mile in and people are turning around.  What should we do?!? "We aren't p***y's, we got this!" 1 mile in, STILL IN KNEE DEEP WATER.  WTF were we thinking?!?!?!  This is a 5k!!!  Holy mother of f**k, I'm gonna die.  We are in SOUTH LOUISIANA...what if there is a gator or a snake or just a raging f**king creek...*lightening streaks overhead*.  OMG hold my hand, I might wash away!!!  Oh yea and its STILL RAINING.

So yea, 3.1 miles of wading through water...in the rain...in the lightening...IN THE WOODS.  There was maybe .1 miles of just mud.  The rest was just below knee deep to OMG I think that touched my vag, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

That was not a trail run...that was a trail swim.  I had mud, twigs, NATURE in the most unusual places.  We were soaked to the bone.  We were cold.  It took us 1:20 to finish a 5k!!!!!!! I usually do a 5k in 35 min or less. 

Should we have run it...probably not.  But hey now we have a funny story to tell, ha...ha...ha *sigh*.