This is why we cant have nice things

This is long, buckle up!  So I just watched “People we meet on vacation”.

Adorable movie!  I know it was based on a book and people who read it had mixed feelings.  But overall it was a cute movie with fun characters, funny moments, and a decent story. 

My annoyance comes from the trope of Best Friends to Lovers. I get it…I know that happens.  And people are always like “ruin the friendship”. “Best friends make the best husbands/wives”.  “Don’t live with regrets”.

I hate all of this.  Not because I don’t believe you shouldn’t be besties with your sig other but because this thought process damages the actual PLATONIC opposite sex friendships.  The stigma in everyone’s head is “well boys and girls cant be friends because they will hook up”

Girls wont trust a girl bestie with their husband and guys wont trust a guy bestie with their wives.  Jealousy happens, accusations happen, and friendships are ruined.  I’ve lost numerous male friends because their girlfriends or wives were convinced we were either hooking up or going to at some point.  Like no ma’am, we have been friends for 20+ years we aren’t like that.

But these movies show the end of committed relationships so the “friends” can be together.  I think the issue comes in that people don’t know the difference between romantic love feelings and platonic love feelings.  I love my friends but I don’t LOVE them that way.  Does that make sense??  

Yea yea sometimes it’s unrequited love or whatever but maturity also plays a part.  thinking you “love” someone but they love you like a friend you have a choice to make.  Keep perusing them and lose the friendship or remember WHY you are friends in the first place and preserve that.  

Maybe I am wired different but I can look at my guy friends and be like they are attractive and I love them without being like let’s hook up.  I love their companionship more than anything.  We are all happily married and want our spouses to be friends.  

Like get out of your hormones and be a f**king adult.  Or better yet encourage your kids to be friends with everyone.  If you son has a girl bestie don’t be like “oooooooo your girlfriend, ooooooo kissy kissy” and same if your daughter has a guy bestie.  We are the problem.  We put that stigma on them before they even understand sexual relationships.  

My point is I had a guy bestie…since Kindergarten!  We literally stayed friends through college.  Was I his date to a couple dances when he didn’t have a GF, yes. Was he mine when I didn’t have a BF, yes. But we were JUST FRIENDS.  No flirting, no hanky panky, none of that.  We had so much fun because were were literally just really good friends. 

In college my VERY jealous boyfriend thought for sure I was cheating on him with my friend.  Then he met him…and was like “wait I like this dude”.  EXACTLY!  He is a nice guy and not a threat to you my dear. 

But alas life happened.  We took a pic at graduation and soon his fiancé didn’t want us to be friends.  She gave him an ultimatum.  I wouldn’t expect him to choose me.  I was a little hurt but I am used to it by now.  

But what if we as a society didn’t put that stigma on KIDS.  What if we didn’t beat it into people that if you don’t have the same genitalia friendship is impossible??? What if we let them organically be friends and if things went to romance whatever but if they didn’t it is OKAY to just be f**king friends!!!!

I love my friends, male/female/non-binary/whatever!!  I don’t care what you have/don’t have in your pants or who you are attracted to.  If we click we click.  I can have a deep emotional bond with someone without it being sexual!!!!!!!!!!

I think this also goes back to the saying “emotional affairs”. That term gets thrown around a lot!  Because if you have a connection with anyone except your sig other and they happen to be of the opposite sex it seems to always be deemed an emotional affair.  Here’s the thing…stop doing that!

An emotional affair means you are seeking attention affection outside of a committed relationship because you are not getting what you need from it. Yea don’t do that!  Talk with your person.  Don’t use another to get what they aren’t giving in your relationship. Either work on the ship or end it.  

But Texting/hanging out with someone because you have common interests and are FRIENDS is not a f**king emotional affair.  If you went out with the girls would anyone say anything?!?! NO! So stop with the stigma.  Now if you are hiding something, bad on you. 

But I for one am tired of people being like “Oh you hung out with another guy?!?!?!  What would your husband think?!?!”  Listen judgy McJudgerson 1. He is fully aware of where I am and who I am with. 2. He knows this person also. 3. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Now I am not texting/calling these people at all hours of the night and nothing inappropriate.  I treat them like one of my girlfriends and they treat me like one of the guys.  I just wish as a society we could recognize that this is normal and not some scandalous thing that will result in the Friends becoming an item….

Rant over…I just want to not lose my friends because of this bull$hit!

That's not your job!!!

So I had another weirdly vivid dream.  

What I remember.  I was working on a base(?).  Things weren't good.  Something had happened and society was a $hittier show. I was in army camo stuff and I had on one of those hats... like this. 

I was in charge of peace.  Basically playing mediator because people suck and don't know how to act human.  But I was also doing like 10 other jobs.  My work partner (a guy) kept yelling at me to stop.  He would loud cap me in front of others about things I shouldn't be doing.  We were equals and I kinda knew him I think.  Like in the dream I knew we were friends before whatever happened.  But now that we were here we fought A LOT.   Like I wasn't even sure we were friends anymore because he was so mean to me all the time.

I hated it because I didn't understand why my partner/friend was being like this towards me.  Why he felt the need to do any of this. 

Since I was a peacekeeper I usually didn't say anything back just rolled my eyes.  After a harrowing day...I think I broke up a fight and helped someone sign up for food rations (?)...he loud capped me about how the food rations weren't my responsibility.   

I had HAD it. I fired back at him saying something along the lines of "they needed help. what was I supposed to do just ignore them?!?!  Tell them to go queue over there and hope @$$hat #10 who didn't help before helps them this time????  These people are scared and hungry what the f**k do you want from me!??!!?" and I stormed out of the room. 

I was in a bathroom...I think.  I was leaning on a counter trying not to have an anxiety attack.  The lighting was very...sterile if that makes sense.  Anyways I was trying to breathe when I felt someone come up behind me.  I was about to whirl around to fight when they grabbed me by the waist, pinning my back to their front, and leaned in next to my ear.  His cheek rubbed against mine.  His skin...the stubble...it felt strangely familiar.  

"I only do this to protect you.  We all have jobs and responsibilities and more than half of what you do isn't your job.  I am trying to protect you.  Please, try to understand, it's because I care.  I care so much but no one can know how much."

I broke, started crying, and said "I thought you hated me".  He held me super tight and nuzzled into my neck apologizing over and over. 

It jumps ahead, we still fight a lot.  I've become closer with some of the others (men & women).  We bond over all the crap we get from my partner.  We are all outside...a bunch of other soldiers (?) on a mission (?).  It's storming because I think we f**ked up the Earth so much she doesn't know what to do anymore.  We needed to get across the base.  But it's like...borderline monsoon...heavy heavy rain.  

I'm like f**k it and take off running.  Everyone seems to follow.  Someone grabs my hand and is running next to me.  It's my partner.  He has my hand in a vice grip but not painful.  We are running and I yelled "I thought people couldn't know you cared?".  He didn't say anything.  We could barely see a foot in front of us, navigating by memory but we could hear other boots splashing around us.  

We slowed slightly and the boots passed us I think.  He suddenly stops and turns me towards him. He practically yells (because of the storm) "I don't care what they think. I'm tired of us not being us.  I'm tired of you looking hurt because of me.  I'm tired of missing you.  I'm tired of being jealous of the time they get with you. I'm tired of pretending you aren't my world".

**record scratch**

WHAT?!?!  I couldn't see his face.  Just the shadow from his hat and the rain pouring around us. Me being me...who cracks jokes when I am nervous or uncomfortable said "Why do I feel like you are going to kiss me in the rain now?" (nervous laugh).

He said "Would you like that?" and kissed me, like REALLY KISSED ME. Everything was spinning.  I was dizzy, confused, cold, scared but I was safe in his arms. I heard whooping & whistling from somewhere in the distance....that's when I realized the rain had stopped and we had an audience.  He leaned into my ear and whispered "I love you". 

I think I need to lay off the Enemies to Lovers books!!!!!!!!

Just call me Mary Poppins y’all

I guess this is Part 2 or “The end”, since I called the other one the beginning.  

We left off with a friend dragging me away from my grandparents house and ending up on a hill looking at a two story blue siding and brick house.  He grabbed my hand and said “You’ll be safe with us”.  

We started walking towards the house and that is when I realized it was actually two houses SUPER close together.  Like their front porches were almost touching. I turned to my companion and was like “bruh why you built so close to this other house?!?” And he said something about saving money. 

We went inside and he said “I can’t wait for you to meet *insert wife’s name*”.  As soon as he said her name, I realized who he was.  He was MY friend.  We work together.  How didn’t I recognize him before?!!? He’s just a smidge taller than me…I would know him anywhere!

I could hear kids playing someplace and I heard someone call out his name from the other room.  Now I’ve never in person met my friend’s wife.  I see pictures on social media but that’s all.  So he guides me into like a kitchen/breakfast area and there is his wife but like she looked different than pics but still I knew it was her.  She seemed surprised to see me so he told her something about how I was in danger and needed to stay with them.  He left out the whole party at my grandparents house turning into a literal nightmare. 

She was incredibly nice and asked if I needed to rest.  I told her yes and was brought to a spare room where I was immediately “attacked” by 3 children.  Again never met the kids but I know a lot about them from him.  I was their new friend apparently.  

It jumped around a bit but I was there for a while. At least it felt like some time was passing.  I played ALOT with the kids.  I distinctly remember running around with them playing like hide and seek or something and all of us getting fussed at for being “wild”.  Which is hilarious because I know I am older than both my friend and his wifey.  

At one point I was in like a hallway with a doorway into the back of the kitchen.  But the door way was kind of small.  Like a child could walk through it but an adult would have to duck.  My friend found me and we were talking and I asked about the small doorway.  He said the house came that way and the builder said they weren’t allowed to make it bigger (WTAF).  He said he hit his head on it regularly.  But he didn’t like to use it…because it didn’t feel right.  

I am not sure the dynamic but I think I may have become like a Nanny for them. We were as close as ever and I became really close with his wife.  Like we had alot to talk about but for the life of me I cant remember any of it.  One night they were about to go out with friends.  These friends came over, two couples.  One of the women was a tall African American woman.  I recognized her but not sure from where but my friends were like “Oh y’all know each other!”.  

They were panicking because the babysitter didn’t show up. And I was like I can stay home with the kids.  That’s what y’all have me for.  Plus I don't have anything to wear to dinner that looks fancy enough.  This is when I noticed everyone was in like formal attire and I was in like a cute dress but not nearly dressy enough.

My friend was like no, you are supposed to come with us.  You have to come with us.  You can’t stay alone, its not safe, that’s not how this works.  That creepy feeling from the last dream came back.  Like I didn’t know I was dreaming, so not a lucid dream but the unsafe feeling came back.  

My friends wife was like we should just stay in, we have the movie room! I was so confused, they were dressed for like a ball, not a night in with movies and pizza.  She looked…scared.  He looked concerned and I realized I had three kids hugging me, like they were scared they’d never see me again.  

That’s when I noticed the sound.  Not wind, not weather…but a low growling howling.  It was dark outside but not like night…unnaturally dark. I didn’t feel safe anymore.  I started to have a panic attack (not something that happens to me often).  

My friend grabbed me by the shoulders and looked into my eyes and said we have to go. He has very distinct eyes, like he was looking through me…it was weird.  He said  I’ll see you next time. And hugged me incredibly tight.

that’s the end.

So I dunno what the hell I ate last night but this is what my subconscious came up with.  

I don't like you like that!

Ugh!  Why people gotta make $hit complicated.  I am not complex.  If we click we friends.  I am capable of being friends with people of all varieties.   I don't care what you look like, your gender, your sexual preferences, etc.  If we click we click dammit!

And just because we click doesn't mean it has to be sexual!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  Can I just tell you how many guy friends I've lost because they either can't look past the sexual attraction aspect OR their sig others are like "oh nah ah you can't be friends with a female!"  I am not like that.  Maybe I am naive but I am not gonna be like "you can't talk to your bestie because she's female."  Now if you are always texting her and not coming home, I'ma have an issue but having a bestie of the opposite sex isn't a threat to me.  

Moving on!  I have a new-ish male I consider a long distance bestie.  We've known each other maybe a year and half but we are basically the same person.  We think alike, we like the same things, and have the same dark sense of humor.  He is married, I am married...we have hung out in person a few times and we have NEVER looked at each other more than literal friends.  It's so awesome.  Like we just click.  

Anyways something changed and now I want to punch babies.  We were in person hanging out (with multiple other persons) but our spouses weren't there.  That night was stupid fun.  We laughed so much!  We were picking on each other, cracking jokes, and having an all around fun time.  We learned more about each others pasts and it was really freaking awesome!

The next day we are doing stuff and my guy FRIEND is being f**king weird.  Like weird weird.  Like he's about to jump out of his damn skin.  Bruh WTF?!?!  At one point we brushed arms in passing and he couldn't form a sentence and left the room. Like to the point that one of the other girls is like "um what's his deal?!?!"  

Later that night we go out again for dinner and he's like visibly uncomfortable.  So OF COURSE me the fixer is like pouring on the me charm like trying to make him as comfortable as possible and he seems to chill (Thank God!!!).  We start joking and talking and having fun.  After dinner he's like lets go get a drink. K cool yes.  So we think he's all good now.  

He goes to sit next to me and then like jumps up and practically runs to the seat across from me "WTAF".  So we order some beverages and try to talk but its super loud and he's across from us like a little too far to hear.  He's laughing at the rest of us because we are f**king funny when he gets a call.  He comes back in and has SHUT DOWN.  

The waitress comes back and he's like check please.  It was 7:30!!!! Ummmm what.is.happening??!?!

So we leave and me and another chick are like Da Fuq and are making jokes because that's what we do when our FRIENDS are being sticks in the mud.  Her and I end up going for more libations and he left.  But I was legit concerned I did or said something so I texted him to be like you ok and he was like yea of course we are fine! I could never be upset with you.

I AM MORE CONFUSED!!!!

The next day he's still being weird to the point where we were RAGGING on him because tell us what is wrong man!!!! Now granted when we parted ways he gave me the sweetest hug and was texting all of us later that night.  

For a few days communication was super weird.  Like he didn't know how to act with me and I was like OMG please dont do this!!! I don't want to lose another "friend" because you think I was hitting on you or am gonna try & sleep with you or you think you like me more than you should or something. 

Then suddenly all seems to be fine...I think.  But WTAF happened ?!!!?!?  Did he get inside his own head??!?!  Was he overthinking something we said or did!?!?!?  I try not to be an overthinker but like curiosity is killing me!!!  

I'm not gonna ask because he'll probably get weird again but like AHHHHHHHHHHH!

**UPDATE** I told my BFF (since we were like 5) the story and she thinks he either was overthinking how close we got or his sig other was like "who dis Bish?!?!"  Or I was "safe" until we were in person.  Like I am the long distance chick who is zero threat bc she's 1000 miles away and when we were in person he (or his sig other) got spooked since we didn't have 1000 miles between us.  I mean we have hung out in person before soooo.... I have no idea but I hope he's over it because I miss my friend!!!!!