OMG people calm down!!! It isn't the end of the world, well it might be on Saturday...

Okay, like I said before I get REALLY angry when local governments/neighborhoods get together and decide to move Trick or Treating to the Satruday before Halloween because it's on a Tuesday or whatever.  I think that is dumb and it makes me want to go all Michael Myers on them. 

But this time I have to kind of agree with the parishes, its a safety thing.

You see we are supposed to have 100% chance of rain Saturday night.  Not just rain, but thunderstorms and heavy downfall.  And while there was many a year where I Trick or Treated in the rain and cold we NEVER ventured out in severe weather.   It didn't happen often but I can remember a couple times where I didn't get to go Trick or Treating so I still dressed up, mom made popcorn, and we watched scary movies.  Was I happy about it?  Of course not I was a kid but what else were we going to do? 

With that said starting yesterday many of the parishes in S.E. Louisiana began saying they were moving Halloween to Friday.  And people are LOSING THEIR $HIT!  I get it, I do but they aren't moving Halloween, they are moving Trick or Treating.  And as much as I hate to say it, it makes sense.  But it was a poor choice of words news stations. 

Look, the weather is supposed to be INSANE in the area.  It is an outdoor holiday and they are thinking about safety first.   Also, as the Sheriff of one of the parishes said families spend a bit of money on Halloween.  They buy costumes and candy and decorations.  It would be a shame to let it all go to waste because of the weather.  It.makes.sense. 

So people calm the f**k down!  You can still "celebrate" Halloween.  Try to be positive!  Think of it as getting TWO evenings of Halloween fun, instead of just one.  Friday you do the Trick or Treating thing and Saturday you sit home watching scary movies in the crazy weather.  Its a win win people!

Wait, isn't that how many scary movies begin?  A girl all alone watching TV while the wind howls and the rain pounds the roof.  Suddenly the lights go out, the dogs starts growling and *dun dun dun*, I dunno you fill in the rest.   

Crap...I'm going to be home alone...great I just scared myself. 

The Conversation!

This old Cajun couple in front of me at the store was having some major issues with their payment, the following ensued.

Husband: You chore we need all dis?  Dats sebinty dollars of stuff.

Wife: Mai yeah we do. You juice don make da groceries like I do

Husband: Fine den, use dat plastic card I gives you

Wife: Yeah yeah yeah

Cashier: Um, the card is saying invalid tender

Wife: *sweet as pie* Mai I know dere is monies on dat dere card,  you do dat dere again

Husband: *grumbles unintelligibly*

Cashier: *getting nervous* I've tried it four times, it won't work

Husband: For tru? Dat can' be!!! I don brought back a tv box las wek and dey wouldna giv me the dollars so dey gives me da plastic.

Me: *Trying NOT to laugh...trying to help.*

Cashier: *puts her light on for a manager*

Manager: I'm so sorry. It was swiped too many times and is locked.  I can't unlock it...it takes 4 fours to reset.

Me: *thinking* Oh that's bull$hit she just don't want to call the 800#.

Husband: Aaawwww YEA! Jew see!  Jew see dat! Dat is why I don't trus dem to put my monies on dat plastic!!!  I loss my hard earned cash.

Wife: Oh don't be so dramatic, its still dere, it's just locked up.  Now give that nice lady some monies

Husband: *shocked* me?!?  No, I don gave you da monies on on da plastic, I'm not giving you no more!

Wife: Awww yea, now you stop dat, right now!  You gives her the monies so we can get to goin.

Husband:  *grumbles in French* *hands over his monies*

Wife: Dats a good boy now *still smiling*

Cashier: Thanks...come again...

Me: *don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh* Why do I have a comic about Jesus....?

Couple: *bickering in French all the way out the door*

Do I look like a sinner? What exactly does a sinner look like? How does a cute smiling business professional equal "you need religion"?!?!?!?!

So I was checking out at the store completely absorbed in the bickering couple in front of me.  They were HILARIOUS!  I'll recap their convo in another post.  So anyways, as I am patiently waiting my turn this tiny Asian woman taps me on the shoulder, hands me a tiny booklet about the size of a checkbook and says "you need this". She pats me on the shoulder and looks at me expectantly, meanwhile her husband shakes his head and looks away.  It was black and orange so OF COURSE I thought it was something Halloween related.  (shoosh, I have Halloween on the brain, alright?!?)
 

A serial killer...right?!?!?

 Then I opened it up...

 And I just, okay...I should have expected that...

SIDE NOTE - I am getting a "Walking Dead" vibe from that "blind" man...you can't fool me brain eating zombie!



I'm not concerned that it is a religious message...that's fine. 

Why is Ray Charles in my comic?!?

I'm more concerned about the representation of humanity...

You know, I don't think the answer will surprise me since you said "Jesus" 50 times.

Also, do demons really say "Yaaah!" when being exorcised?????  Supernatural forgot to teach me that!

"He's got the whole world universe, in his hands. He's got the whole wide world universe in his hands....."

Hmmmm and here I was thinking it was gravitational pulls, dark matter, and whatnot.  (shut up I know its metaphorical...at least I hope...).  Completed control...What about Free Will...?

Like how soon...?  Will I get to at least see what happens on the new X-Files?!?!? (sorry...not sorry)

I'm no expert here but that looks like an invasion.  Hasn't anyone seen a sci-fi movie?!!?!?  That is what happens when Loki opens the portal and the Chitauri come through!  So Jesus is an Alien?!?!  Someone call Giorgio Tsoukalos and tell him he was right after-all. 


There is only one way into heaven...

And it seems to involve a....book? (psssst not the Bible...well the Bible too but don't forget this one...shhhh)

Ahhhhh, I see now...you want some money...that's what will "help" save me.  Good one Jesus comic *rolling eyes*.

So all that to get me to buy a book...really?!?!?

And people wonder why I am so weird when it comes to religion.  I have faith but as I get older my views and understanding change.  I'm not saying these people's beliefs are wrong, I am just saying its rude to tell a complete stranger they need Jesus.  I'm really not trying to be an @$$hat.  No but really why the hell did that woman think I "needed this"?!?!?!?  I clearly look like a heathen in need of saving in my black work pants and pink conservative blouse, buying laundry detergent and cat food.  *hisses*

  

Louisiana - [loo-ee-zee-an-uh] noun, 1. a state in the S United States. 48,522 sq. mi. - 2. a place where you can go from BURN BAN to FLASH FLOOD in less than 24 hours

How does that happen?!?  Remember those Hurricane things I spoke about before?  Yea one of those (well what is left of one of those) was reeking havoc over our state (Texas too).   So a few days ago it was so dry that watering my plants daily was a necessity and yesterday I had to dump out the potted ones because they were over flowing with water.  Well I dumped them AFTER I located them.  

You see the tropical @$$hat that came through was not fun.  She (yes she...her name was Patricia) took the liberty of crossing from the Pacific side of Mexico, up into Texas and across most of Louisiana.  She had winds gusting like a low grade hurricane.  She dumped 4" of rain in my parish in less than 3 hours.  She woke me up at 5AM because the severe weather alerts were going off every 5 minutes.  She caused me to almost be late to a family thing because I was scared to leave my house after the tornado sirens went off.  She almost stranded me in another city because the way back home was FLOODED! 

I was not a happy camper.  I made it home, yes.  But once I was there I had to deal with spotty cable/internet, flickering lights, nervous animals, and damaging winds.  About 20 minutes AFTER I got home I realized my Halloween decor was probably MIA.  So here I am...in the dark...in the rain...in wind gusting 30+ MPH...looking for Styrofoam Headstones.  I found them *muahahaha* in the bushes and down the street...whoohoo.  Apparently Pat didn't want me to find them because in retaliation the winds blew so hard I literally slammed face first into my front door. 

B**CH!

Nursing my sore front side I decided to watch some Treehouse of Horror only to miss more than half of it thanks to interruptions for crazy psycho weather updates and an Amber Alert (he was found *whew*).  So as we were sent back to the stone-age (damn you mother nature!!!), the winds kicked up again and the rain abused  my house...I just sat in the dark, reading a book by lantern and hoping this stupidity would end soon.  The pups had to pee so I let them out and was immediately catapulted into an azalea and a rose bush.  Seriously this b**ch here wanted to hurt me!  WTF man?!!?! I woke up today (a bit sore and scratched) to find out we had more than 10 inches of rain in less than 24 hours.  Most of my plants were on the other side of the yard and completely tattered...did we have f**king tornado?!?!? Oh and one entrance to my hood was flooded. 

So as I've mentioned before I HATE HURRICANES....even if they aren't hurricanes when they get to us...they still big donkey *expletive*!

Challange Accepted

So not long ago a business associate not from around here asked me to describe where I am from without saying where I am from.  That's not easy...well it's not hard either but where do you start.  So I've thought long and hard about it and this is what I came up with.  Some of it is quotes from other places so be assured I am not claiming to have come up with all these, I'm just using some to make a point. 

Hmmm, where do I come from.  Well where I come from we are a Tiger on Saturdays and a Saint on Sundays.  We mind our Ps & Qs and we always say please and thank you.  We say ma'am & sir whether you are 10 or 80. Sunday dinner takes place at 2PM and you better not start before you say grace.  We have Mimis and Pawpaws, Nannys and Parrans.  Y'all is in fact a word and all y'all does make sense.  We have our own language and it is beautiful.  We eat red beans on Mondays and fry just about anything.  You will never find another place that has food like ours.  Each dish is a culinary masterpiece made differently by each person's own bit of lagniappe.  We have a party for every occasion and a parade for every holiday.   We drink a lot and don't always sleep enough but most make sure to go to church on Sundays (before Sunday dinner).  Some of us bleed purple and gold, some black and gold, some both depending on the day and few bleed green and blue (I think).  We sit on the porch and drink sweet ICED tea.  We visit with the neighbors and always ask "how's ya mom and dem?".  We are a Sportman's Paradise and a football fan's...dream.  We are proud of where we are from and want to share it with the world.  Where I come from gets in your blood and never lets go.  You might have to leave but you always, always wanna come back home. 

Think this is a good description of where I am from?  Do you think anyone who didn't know would figure it out?  Well if not *plfeet*.  This video is played at the 2015 LSU home games and gives you a taste of what it is like to be from here.

Tiger Stadium's "Louisianne" Pregame The tribute to Louisiana that plays in Tiger Stadium prior to LSU Football games this season. We love this state and our Tigers!

JFC, that was just...CREEPY!

So the trailer came out today for the new Netflix Show Jessica Jones.  Like I've said before, I don't know much about the comic but it seems VERY interesting and I like the girl that plays Jessica. 

With that said this is our first REAL look at the show, not the bits we were shown in the teasers.  We see more of Luke, which again I don't know much about him but I think I will like him.  We finally get to "experience" Kilgrave and holy $hit, I feel like I need a shower now.  He is so f**king creepy!  And its weird because I am used to David Tennant as a more lovable/likable (albeit sometimes grumpy) character.  Which I guess this will just show his amazing acting abilities, right? Right! Anyways, after that trailer *shudder*.  It's not like we got a huge dose of him but enough to make me uncomfortable in the best way. 

This series looks to be rather dark and from what I gather the villain in the comics is one disturbing mofo so if we get even just a taste of that in the series it will be...well disturbing.  I.can't.wait.  Again, the voice is immediately recognizable but holy creeptastic Batman!  I mean freeson level freak you out (that is Cajun French look it up) .  I dunno man, I think its the mind control thing.  Not being in control of yourself is terrifying.  Especially if the person in control is a sadistic psychopath.  An attractive sadistic psychopath but a psycho nonetheless.  

I've watched more than 1/2 of Daredevil (FINALLY) so hopefully by November 20th I'll be ready for this one.  I've had it in my head I must finish Daredevil first so yea.  Who else is geeking out right now?  It was extremely hard to contain the fangirl at my desk.  I just wanted to squee with delight.  I love love love super hero stories!  You should totally check out the trailer.  LOOK AT IT!

And here I was thinking how impressive my quads are...not so impressive NOW!

Excuse me ma'am, I think you dropped...something...wait...where is that...string attached...

 

So I read the stupid article.  Actually the article isn't stupid but the f**king webpage is so loaded with so much CRAP that it sucks to view it.  It crashed Firefox TWICE!   

What kind of crazy kegel exercises is she doing?!?!

"She can also shoot things out of there. Anami thinks shooting pin pong balls from your vagina is 'every woman’s god given right'."  I swear I saw this in a movie once...and no it wasn't porn.  Was it her?!?!?

I just...count me impressed... "The process of lifting involves inserting a jade egg inside her vagina. She then ties the objects she wishes to lift and wraps the other end around the jade egg."

 

Maybe I need to rethink my exercise routines...of course if I started "lifting" random objects with my hoohah, I think my husband may get a tad concerned/scared.   Doing that is like the equivalent of a meat head flexing his muscles and crushing concrete or something.  Its an non-verbalized warning...f**k with me & I'll break "you".  

Oh look honey, skyscrapers IN the...sky...?...wait......what.......noooo.......*run away, run away*

Whaaaaaa...?

Soooo I saw this today and just...hmmmm.  Read the article because it explains it as an optical illusion (fata morgana) but...but...but...I dunno.  Again, there is a whole group of scientists saying "nothing to see here, nothing to see, move along" meanwhile the cracks in the universe are back and Pete's world is bleeding through...or is that "Peter's World"...is it Gallifrey??? Oh $hit, I hope not...Nah, not pompous enough...Or did Ultron steal another city? Did anyone check to see if a City is "missing"???  Maybe Jack planted that stupid beans again...crap, giants are @$$holes.  Did anyone read Saga of the Seven Suns...?  Is it a mining facility?  Are the Hydrogues & Faeros going to show up and burn us all to ash?!?!?  These were my thoughts BEFORE the article...This one I didn't think of but it is applicable, GLITCH IN THE MATRIX, call Neo we have a problem.  Also, someone said "Asgard confirmed" which, okay yea I guess I get that one too but it wasn't my first thought.

My confusion (and inner conspiracy theorizing) is because they say the reason we see it is because our eyes/brain can't compensate for the refracted light causing us to see "things" that aren't there.  But...but how does the camera capture it?  Like I get that the camera is seeing the same refracted light but wouldn't putting it on "film" disperse the illusion?  Kind of like when we try to take a picture the majestic moon and end up with a pin head dot in a sea of black.  And wouldn't people be seeing DIFFERENT things if it's an illusion?  Or is this like a group think thing?  Because a few people said "city" every one is now seeing a city.  Or is it really a reflection of the city below...but I didn't see a city below that looked like that...I so confused.

I dunno man, it's just weird and apparently has happened before.  Someone said this happened in China around 2008 ...another city in the sky.  What are the freaking chances of that?!? Where is Mr. Tsoukalos to explain this?!?!?

SIDE NOTE - I am being silly for the most part.  I do understand science, etc.  I just think the explanation is weird.

Our VoIP system is gonig to get me put on some watch list!!!!

So we have this lovely VoIP system at work which allows me to work from ANYWHERE and it is great, right?  Right!  Well what it does is it forwards calls from my office phone to my cell phone so no one is the wiser that I am not in fact sitting at my desk (nothing that new here).  When it does this I see the phone number calling, along with my 3 digit extension tagged on to the end of it.  That is how I know it is work call.

Well after I installed an OS update on my iPhone I started seeing strange Caller IDs.  Normally when I get a call and the person isn't in my contact list, it just says the city they are calling from (Baton Rouge, LA; Amite, LA; New Orleans, LA).  Well with the forwarded calls it now looks like I am recieving calls from all over the world.

I was REALLY confused one day when it said incoming call from Iran...WTF?!?!  Apparently my extension being added to the end of the number is making my phone think the first two digits are the country code.  So when I get a call from different area codes, I get crazy countries.

Examples:

985 numbers are Iran
318 numbers are Netherlands
225 numbers are Côte d'Ivoire
337 numbers are France
504 numbers are Honduras
601 numbers are Malaysia 

So I feel like one day an unmarked black SUV is going to be parked by my house and when I go to get the mail in my Pajamas I will be abducted by some unknown three letter government agency. We are talking full on True Lies situation.  

If y'all don't hear from me for a while THIS is what happened...no doubt. 

OMG he IS a Disney Prince

WTF man?!?!  I hate adorable people.  And by hate, I mean I adore them and wish to be their friend.  So I've seen on the internet where this particular celebrity is said to be a "real life Disney prince" and while I can see it by looks, I've never really watched interviews or anything like that with him.

Last night I watch one and seriously, ADORABLE!.  Is it weird to call a 30+ year old adorable?  I mean he is literally like two months older than me, almost to the day.  Well toooooooo bad because that is the only word I see befitting.  If you haven't guessed this person is Tom Hiddleston and the interview I watched was the Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

Anyways, I think I died laughing at one point...or at least stopped breathing properly because I was giggling....same thing.  Trevor said something about how Mr. Cumberbatch's fans call themselves "Cumberb**ches" *giggle* and that Mr. Hiddleston's fans call themselves "Hiddlestoners" *whaaaaaa*.  I've not heard that one.  So Tom says something about that being rather violent and I'm like "I've never met a violent STONER, what are you talking about!??!?!"  Apparently Trevor felt the same way.  And our wanna be Prince explained he thought of "stoning" like the ancient way you show you disapprove of and want to punish someone...by throwing STONES.  *baaaaahahahahahahahaha* *snort*.

The host said he was thinking more like *imitates smoking a joint* and then we get the famous Hiddle-giggle.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh stop being adorkable!!!  Who thinks of being "stoned" as the ancient punishment!?!?!?  I am not a stoner and my first thought was toking it up.

Dawwwwww, that's so adorable, stahp!  Anyways there was this whole "he plays Loki" thing at the beginning and the crowd cheered.  Trevor is like no he's the bad guy! And his guest is like "well he is misunderstood" *ahhhhhh, hehehe*.  Then there is discussion about Crimson Peak (eeeeeeee, can't wait, I love scary movies!!!) and good lord he speaks so proper...I am so used to bastardized American Speak...what sorcery is this?!?  And I wasn't sure about him playing Hank Williams but his "Southern" accent was actually adorable or maybe I am blinded by his politeness....  How many times can I call a grown man adorable before it is weird???  He did drop one not quite as proper remark.  I don't remember the context but it was something about "getting high on that $hit *bleep*" which made me giggle again. 

So yea, I totally fangirled through the whole interview.  Anyone else do the same?  No...just me...well *plfeet*!

Why yes, I'd enjoy a ballon in my uterus...who wouldn't? The weirdest things always happen to me...I don't know why I am surprised anymore...

Okay so this is going to be a TMI post.  And it isn't about me doing something and getting something stuck in a bad place.  Get your mind OUT OF THE GUTTER.  If you don't want to read a ridiculous story about a medical thing I had, don't read on.  No really...its not gross but it is...well, WEIRD.

You've been warned
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Okay, here goes...



So a few months back my OBGYN (you can still not read on...I'm giving you an out) said I needed to do this other "thing" to investigate my "female issues".  He said the name of the procedure and I said bless you.  He laughed, see I AM funny.  Its called a hysterosalpingogram...yea...yea try saying that five times fast.  Hell just try saying it once.  He said I could have it done at any x-ray lab place and to just make sure they sent him the results.  Okay, sure...no problem.  

Well I pride myself on saying big words...sometimes... so to prove I wasn't a complete moron I attempted to say this "word" when I called to schedule it.  I failed miserably, struggling like Nemo trying to say anemone, and finally just used the shortened version HSG. 

You can look it up for more detail but the gist is it is an x-ray that uses dye injected into your lady parts to make sure things aren't blocked and are of a normal "shape".  Okay, that's fine...I've done the intestinal "dye" x-ray thing, years ago...easy peasy.  Except this one doesn't involve swallowing anything (obviously) so how do they "inject" the dye.  Well I'll tell you...they give you an edited version of a pelvic exam and squirt it in there (and its COLD), no really...I am not kidding.  

So how it is supposed to go, 5 minutes tops:

1.  You sit there spread eagle and they put a speculum thingy in there...you know for better access.  
2.  They slide this catheter thing in, with a "balloon" on the end
3.  They inflate the balloon
4.  They remove something (probably the speculum)


5.  The x-ray person steps back
6.  You carefully slide up the table 
7.  They inject the dye
8.  You see your lady parts light up on the x-ray screen
9.  Fin

How it went for me, not 5 minutes...maybe 20-ish:
1.  I sat there spread eagle and he put a speculum thingy in there...you know for better access.  
     a. He started chatting with me about LSU and other random stuff

     b. I responded as nicely as possible being as I was in a very awkward position
2.  He slide this catheter thing in, with a "balloon" on the end
3.  He inflated the balloon
4.  He removed something (probably the speculum)


5.  He stepped back
     a. x-ray person "Oh no, the balloon deflated", me, "huh?"
     b. Steps up, does something down there and it re-inflates
     c. Steps back again,  "Oh no, it deflated again", me "What tha? *craning my neck trying to look 
        down*"
     d. Steps up, does whatever and it re-inflates
     e. Repeat c-d two more times
6.  X-ray person "Um, okay.  I don't want to have to re-tube you or reschedule so I'm just going to hold this here so it stays inflated....go ahead and slide up the table", me "Ummmmm"
7.  I scoot up the table while he has his hand down in my Garden of Eden keeping that stupid balloon inflated.    Can I just tell you how weird it is to have someones hand partially in your hoohah, with a tube hanging out like some misplaced tail, as you attempt to "gracefully" slide backwards.  And by gracefully I mean not gracefully at all. Think about it though, your legs are bent and there is a breeze and your, thankfully shaved, vag is *waving* "hey look at me" okay maybe she didn't wave.
8.  Anyway, he starts the x-ray and injects the dye
9.  I see my lady parts light up on the x-ray screen, oh cool
10.  "Hmmm your right tube isn't flowing, I'm going to push more dye in" Me: "what, does that me-- ow ow ow ow ow."  Mind you I have a high pain tolerance but it felt like someone stabbed me in the side with a f**king icicle.   Him: "Sorry, should I stop?" Me: *grunts*  "No, no I'm good."
11.  "there we go, all clear.  Everything looks good.  I see no issues but we'll let your doctor have a look see." Yea okay, cool
12.  He removes his hand and the tube and the defective balloon.  As I am sitting up, "Oh careful when you sit up...the dye has to go somewhere." And I suddenly feel like a wet myself...oh just f**king wonderful.

It also didn't help that the guy looked and sounded like one of the squinterns from Bones...Dr. Oliver Wells.  I'm not putting a picture, look him up.  His real name is Brian Klugman.


So to sum it up, I had a squintern doppelganger with his hand in a normally very private area chatting my ear off about randomness like it was the most normal thing and injecting me with dye while I had an x-ray...good times....

I know Darwin awards are for people who do dumb things and die...but are there "awards" for parents who do dumb things? Aside from prison...I mean that's good, very good but an "award"/here's your sign seems to be needed as well

Okay this isn't an angry rant about how life isn't fair and how some people don't deserve kids or whatever.  It is a real "WTF is wrong with you" rant.  I might not be able to have kids but sometimes I wonder if our almighty gets a kick out of giving stupid people kids.  This my friends is how Idiocracy happens.  The intelligent fade away and the morons reproduce. 

Like I said it's not a "oh woe is me" rant.  But I can't help but cringe sometimes when I see people (yes that is plural...meaning MANY) I USED TO KNOW (and some strangers) with their kids.  Look, everyone has their own way of parenting and that's fine but there are some things that should be instinctive.  There are some things you should KNOW aren't good for little ones.  Your base maternal/paternal intuition should kick in and want to protect your offspring.

1.  Candy is bad.  A treat here and there is fine but regular intake of candy is bad...for ANYONE! 
     Children do not know this.  They have to be TAUGHT this. 
   
       a. Candy is really bad for babies.  I mean common sense says if they don't have many teeth and
           can swallow it WHOLE, they probably shouldn't get it.  It's called a choking hazard.  So no it
           isn't okay to give a 9 month old a f**king jolly rancher!  You are lucky that didn't end badly,
           idiot. 

2.  Loud noises are bad for kids...hell they are bad for us.  There is a f**king REASON I used to
     wear clear wax ear plugs to concerts and clubs.  I like my f**king hearing.  It was great.  You
     couldn't see them and I could still hear well enough. BONUS: I learned to lip read.  My point is 
     kids need ear protection, too.  Loud fireworks, put on the noise canceling ear phones, they aren't
     that expensive.  A band...okay look bands are loud BUT you should never be in front of the effing
     speaker...and if you shouldn't be there...then your 1 year old shouldn't be there either...even with
     ear protection!!!

3.  I can't believe I am saying this but babies don't belong in bars.  Yes, I was taken to a bar as a child
     but it was for a Mardi Gras thing.  As in the owner was a friend of the fam and was having a
     party (kid friendly) for a parade and I was there.  It was fun.  But if you want to go out on a
     Friday night and can't find a sitter...STAY HOME.  Just... one its loud, two its smokey depending
     on which area you are in, three its probably LATE, and four just DON'T!

4.  Doctors are your friends.  If your little one is seriously ill go to the DOCTOR.  Yes, I know they
     cost money but baby's well being is probably more important.  Do not post on FB that they are
     losing weight, can't keep anything down & are lethargic and then ask for advice. My advice,  
     go...to...the...DOCTOR!  I get a "hey does this bug bite look funny" post...those usually aren't
     potentially fatal but anything else...FB isn't where you should be. 

5.  Don't smoke...near kids.  I mean I say don't smoke PERIOD but I get it...its an addiction and it
     sucks.  So just don't do it around the little ones (or me, thanks).  I want to stab people things when
     I see pictures (or in person) of parents and grandparents holding their little cancer sticks while
     holding a baby (or while PREGNANT!).  Their still developing bodies are already exposed to so
     much crap, why expose them to even more?!!?!?  We know so much now, why is this still
     happening?!?!?!

6.  Soft drinks are no bueno.  Yes, I have a Coke or Rootbeer now and then as a treat.  But if your
     boo boo is still young enough to be drinking from a bottle...they shouldn't be drinking
     coke...FROM A BOTTLE.  I know this happened in the 70's and 80's but I thought people knew
     better now.  There is a TON of sugar and lots of caffeine and the acidity alone can royally eff up
     your adult tummy & teeth if you drink too much.  So imagine what it could do to a child??? 
     Look, I had soft drinks as a kid and my littles have them too from time to time but its not a
     regular occurrence.  It is a rare TREAT and it is monitored closely by the parents.  And diet is  
     NOT better...that artificial sugar crap is bad....just give them a water or something. 
       
         a. This also applies to sports drinks.  Those things aren't meant for casual drinking...they are
             meant to replenish your body after a workout.  A 3 year old has no business drinking
             Gatorade regularly with dinner.   Water...or milk...even juice is better...

I know being a parent is hard and I'm not one so clearly I just don't understand...but like I said, somethings are common f**king sense.  And yes, education plays a huge part in this.  Lack of education, usually means lack of basic common sense.  You aren't taught it so you don't know any better.  But information is so readily available now, how can you be COMPLETELY in the dark.  Your kids are exposed to so many things out of your control...why on Earth would you purposefully expose them to "dangerous" things you can control?!!?!?

Rant over, NOLA Gurl out.

I'm a super hero junkie...I need help...from a super hero...or a villain...I'm not that picky

Okay so for real though.  I wasn't into reading comic books as a kid...mainly because we didn't have a store near by and no one would buy them for me because I was a girl.  Oh woe is me.  But as a kid, I did know of most of the big ones thanks to TV, cartoons and some movies.  I don't have a loyalty to Marvel or DC...I like quite a few from both universes, although at times to do tend to lean more towards Marvel...I think their characters are snarkier which I love (who doesn't love Deadpool?!?!?).  Anyways, basically anything that comes out super hero related I will at least give a try. 

I already watch Gotham, Arrow, The Flash, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, Agent Carter and soon Supergirl.  Back in the day I totally watched Smallville.  And of course I've seen most of the movies.  With that said when Netflix started with their Marvel shows I got a bit excited.  I am trying to find time to watch Daredevil (There's never any TIME! *said in my best Jessie Spano impression*) and although I didn't really know about Jessica Jones before, I am interested to see what it's all about.  The first teaser promo was interesting.  She demolished her poor alarm clock and appears to have a drinking problem...maybe.  So she has some sort of stregnth.  I looked up all the info I could find after that and watched the other promos as they came out.  Sounds to be a cool concept, I shall watch...after I watch Daredevil dammit.   

Then yesterday they released another promo hinting at the villain.  I knew who was playing the villain.  How could you not?  Everyone was flipping out.  "OMG DT is the purple man".  Me thinking "what on earth is the purple man??? At least he's my favorite color..."  I am so out of the loop, sometimes!  So I looked that up and jfc he sounds like a total creep.  Then I watched the new promo and it gave me the heebie jeebies!  *creeper alert*

I said I would like him to read me a bed time story...not give me nightmares, dammit! (tee hee hee).  Seriously though, give it a listen.  You can recognize the voice immediately but it sounds so...so sinister...I can't wait to watch this! 

This makes me stabby...I mean like really murderous...*whooosa*...it's October...OCTOBER!

I was assaulted in Big Lots.  I should file a complaint.  I walked in and was immediately bombarded with Christmas EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There was Jingle Bell BS on the radio, decorations galore and Christmas cookie scents.  I was not expecting this!  I think I started having a panic attack.  I went in there specifically to get more HALLOWEEN decorations!!!  It is f**king October 8th...Halloween is still a few weeks away...I should be seeing skeletons, pumpkins and ghosts!!!  I should NOT be seeing Christmas trees, snowmen and Santa Claus.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Don't get me wrong, I like Christmas but I don't need to see it for 3 months BEFORE Christmas.

What's even funnier is I got an email earlier TODAY from Big Lots saying to come in and get Halloween Decor.  WTF, Over!

So, I was fully expecting to walk into a Halloween House of Horrors *whoohoo* and instead I was in a Winter Wonderland *ahhhh my eyes*. 

Dammit Christmas, wait your turn!!! 

 

Why do we need Christmas $hit out now?!!?!?  Who is decorating for Christmas in f**king October?!?!!?  There is still ANOTHER holiday BEFORE Christmas!  After Halloween we have Thanksgiving, at least here in the states.  And I decorate for that too.  Well its fall decor but whatever, you get the picture!  I don't want to think about Christmas until after we all gorge ourselves on Turkey and dressing.  The day after Turkey Day, yea sure cool, lets go get a tree but before then f**k off Christmas! 

This will be me next month

Go home IMDB, you are drunk

So I got this email last night:

That movie came out 2 years ago...they have since released the final movie and its on Cable now.  Like I watched #3 on HBO a few weeks back.  So did I miss something?!?!  Are they re-releasing  "The Desolation of Smaug"???  Or did IMDB have a glitch?  Or did I Time Travel again?!?!  I really need to stop pressing the randomiser thing.   

I do not think it means what you think it means. . .

So while I can appreciate the posts about faith and stuff, I think some go a little over board with it.  And that is where my cynicism rears its ugly head.  If posting scripture makes you feel go, go ahead... somethings...are...concerning.  

For instance when I see "Hello Jesus, I'm ready to come home"...

...I get a tad concerned.  Because to me that is asking for death.  If you are telling your Messiah you are ready to come home, you are asking for entrance into heaven...RIGHT?!!?!  So you are saying you are okay with dying.  Look being a good person so you go to heaven and saying you are ready to go home...I just..what?  And while I can appreciate acceptance of death...if you are a healthy person under the age of 60...you shouldn't be ready to die!  You have two kids...why would you want to leave them!?!?!?  This seems very cult-esq...don't drink the koolaid...

I can understand this if you are terminally ill...in chronic pain...or just really really old but why before then?  Why accept death when you have so much more life to live?!?!  Yea anything can happen but wouldn't that be a slap in the face to our higher power...since you are ready to give up on the life you have left to go "home"...? 

Then to post "It ain't over, till God says its over. Keep fighting"...that is contradictory...right!?!?!? Maybe I am being a stickler or too literal but I can't help it.  In one sentence you are welcoming death (like an old friend), while in the other you are saying don't give up...keep fighting.  Talk about mixed messages. 

Just an observation.  This is also a person that tells me Jesus talks to them all the time...not like I hear his message in the world around me...I mean like literally TALKS to them when they are praying...so yea..I dunno.  Hearing "voices" concerns me.  Either they are a prophet or well...never mind. 

I'm feeling nostalgic...for some Christmas makes them think of their Childhood...for me its a "Pagan" holiday...tomaeto, tomahto

So since it's THAT time of year that I love, I've been thinking.  Well I've been decorating whilst watching horror movies on Netflix...same thing.  I love new stuff but there are some classics...well classics to me...that you just can't top. For example, the original SCREAM, was terrifying.  As was the original Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and Halloween. 

Side Note - There is a reason Wes Craven is known as "The Master of Horror".  His movies scare you without being OVERLY gory.  I mean they are gross but they aren't SAW...they are more give you a heart attack from suspense. And no matter how many times you see them, they give you the heebie f**king jeebies!!!

Anyways, thinking of Halloween in the 80's/90's when I was a child and a teen makes me giggle.  Things that we I did were a little, uh, different.   

1.  We had every Halloween themed McDonald's toy. Including those stupid buckets...which were WAY too small for actual trick or treating.  The McNuggets in costume...interchangeable costumes...win win.  Scooby Doo and friends, The Simpsons...and countless others.  McWTF...the happy meal toys aren't nearly as cool as they used to be, well maybe the Minions.

 





2.  Who else wore their dance costumes as Halloween costumes??? Maybe it was just my school but we had some OFF THE WALL costumes that could double as Halloween attire.  I remember dressing as a Gremlin, Michael Jackson, Madonna, Super Woman, a Flapper, etc.  I think you get the idea.  And they weren't stupid costumes.  People knew IMMEDIATELY who I was.  It was just stretchier versions of what you buy in the store...with SEQUINS!

By the way, I need a Gizmo!!!

3.  There were something like 25 "Haunted Houses" just in the NOLA area (and I VOLUNTEERED at a few).  Everyone and their Momma used to do one! And they were only $5 to go to.  Now there are maybe 3 and its $40 (with a coupon) AND its more of a "show" for adults with HIRED actors, than a scare the $hit out of little kids thing.  Bunch of pansies, kids need a good scare now and then.  How else will you learn that you should always look ahead when running from a Chainsaw wielding off duty police officer or you might run into a wall.  I'm not saying I did that...just a piece of advice.  Ahhh, Sheriff Foti's Haunted House was so much fun!

4.   Garfield and The Peanuts had the BEST Halloween specials...HANDS DOWN!
"Candy, candy, candy, candy"..."You didn't tell me you were going to kill it!"...pure amazingness!

5.  This isn't only for Halloween BUT its "horror" related...my mom used to let me stay up "late" on Saturday nights to watch Morgus the Magnificent.  It was originally from the late 50's, I think, on and off through the 80's (yay for me).  It was a NOLA thing and it was terribly cheesy but people LOVED it.  He was a crackpot "scientist" that had a lab in the old Ice House and he was part of the "Higher Order".  He would do these crazy experiments (that always went horribly wrong) while "hosting" mostly cheesy B-rated horror movies.  Some of the worst best horror movies were seen because I watched him.  Kind of like how "Mystery Science Theater 3000" introduced me to some great love to hate Sci-Fi.  

NOTE: Oh yea and one more thing.  There was none of this Trick or Treat the Saturday BEFORE Halloween because it's on a Tuesday bull$hit!  You Trick or Treat on Halloween...if you show up at my house before then I'll give your kid vomit flavored Jelly Beans.  Don't test me...that is stupid! Just because its a "school night" *grumble, grumble*.  Quit being lazy.  We did it...LIVE A LITTLE!