So long and thanks for all the fish

I'm pretty sure there is a book...and a movie that said something like this...

Link

I thought this was going to be profound....

"They simply won't notice, the same way a construction crew demolishes an anthill to build real estate because they lack incentive to protect it," 

Soooo unless they are building a "hyperspatial express route.", Earth is unnoticeable? 

DAMMIT!

OR we will be the Space Orcs of the Universe and destroy everything. 

"He suggests that once a civilization reaches the capabilities of spreading across the stars, it will inevitably wipe out all other civilizations."

Hmmmm.  The below is a fav of mine...it was hard to pick just one...I love Humans being the scary ones... its a little long but F**king hilarious!

Humans. The Orcs of space.

But what if he is a Time Traveler?!?!?!

LINK

I...ok.  I mean lets think about this.  What IF we are invaded and he was right and all he wanted to do was make sure we fought back.  The future of humanity could be in jeopardy!!!!

"The man told police he was only able to time travel because aliens filled his body with alcohol." or maybe he was out of his mind intoxicated...maybe.  I mean why would they give him the ability to come back to warn us...that is highly unlikely.  

"He noted that he was supposed to be transported to the year 2018, not this year." Crap...hmmm who else ends up in the wrong year(s)...I need a picture...is he wearing a velvet frock coat and a cravat...?  Maybe a leather jacket...does he look like a magician?!?! Is he rambling about a blue box...?

Dude we are gonna feel hella bad if we locked up the savior of Earth.

I'll just leave this...here

Or alcohol....

Or ya know...don't lock them up....because they SEEM "crazy"

And just because I almost spit my coffee out...

If you can't detect my sarcasm we can't be friends...

This is why aliens won't visit us

Or maybe its why they will come...or have come...are here...crap are we being invaded???

All these tweets and nobody (that I've seen) tweeted Bowie lyrics?!?!?

#MessageToVoyager is pretty epic.  I mean some were wrong, some were hilarious, and some were inspirational.

If you haven't looked at it, check it out.  The deadline was Monday but its still...well just look see...   #MessageToVoyager

Here are some I thought were...interesting...

But you ain't got no legs, Lieutenant Dan....

Or arms in this case. 

No this isn't me making fun of an amputee, I'm not an @$$hole.  So I am driving to work and the car in front of me IN THE LEFT LANE can't decide if they want to do 50 mph or 80 mph.  They also can't decide if they want to brake early or brake once they are on top of the car in front of them.  They seemed to be doing okay staying their lane for the most part so I really couldn't figure out what was going on other than they were smoking and were really focusing on that.  I mean his/her hand was hanging out the window with said cancer stick.

There were quite a few cars on the road so passing them wasn't going well for me. I finally had a break to my right so I decided I was going around this idiot.  As I pulled up next to him I noticed he was on the phone...an old school flip phone...hi Gibbs!

Anyways, then I realized he was also still smoking the cigarette. 

How are you driving?!!?!?  He was in an older model Camry so I know it wasn't a self driving vehicle.  I didn't see a passenger so no one was holding the wheel for him. And I couldn't see a knee wedged up so no driving with his knee(s)...what is happening?!?


Conclusions:

1.)  This man has a unique deformity that has afforded him an extra arm.  Must come in handy...I'll see myself out....

2.) This man has a unique deformity which allows his pleasure stick to perform amazing feats.  Like gripping a steering wheel and...well steering it. 

3.) He is an alien and has talents we mere humans can only dream of.

maybe....

4.)  And most UNLIKELY!  He was doing the trust drive.  You drive a little with no hands (TRUSTING your alignment and wheels to keep going straight).  And correct as needed with a tap from a hand or a knee. 

It was very odd...and made me speed up because my luck he'd hit a pot hole and come flying at me...

That was not made by a human...it was very not human...have I been abducted?!?!?

So reason number 4,658 why sick people should STAY home!  I am sick...I am home...I am still working...OMG the insanity.  Other persons do not do this and this is why I am SICK!  This is gross....funny but gross so read at your own risk. 

A couple days ago I developed a cough while at work.  Not like a tiny *cough, cough*.  I mean like a *cough, cough*.  Ya know that hollow deep chest cough that makes you sound like you are barking.  Attractive I know.  It was so bad that our boss was like "Hey lil bit, you okay?".  Do I sound okay?!?!!??!  I went home (like a good person does) so as not to infect anyone else who hasn't caught the crud yet. 

Side Note - When I cough or sneeze I do it into my shirt/dress.  It keeps the nastiness contained to me!  Don't use your hands, you touch things with those.  Well I mean its better than nothing.  Your elbow is better but only deflects the spray.  Again, ewwww, I know. 

Well today I woke up sounding worse than I feel.  I actually feel MUCH better but the voice is shot and I am coughing so much more!!!  But its not the hollow cough...its that gross cough.  That, "I smoked for 50 years" cough.  And then it happened.  I was on the phone with a client and I felt the tickle.  The tickle that would let me know I am about to have the mother of all coughing fits.  I held it back trying to finish my conversation but the urge was so strong.  My eyes were watering and my voice kept catching when I spoke.  So I did a tiny *cough* to abate it.  I immediately regretted that decision and wanted to vomit.  

Thankfully the client was still talking so I ran to the bathroom, put the phone on mute, and spit out the creature suddenly invading my mouth.   "*ahhhhhhh* WTF is that?!!?!?"  We've all been sick and had nastiness come out I am sure.  But this was new.  This was clearly alive...maybe...or I'm hallucinating...also possible. Either way, I am pretty sure I "birthed" a baby Blob.   

Husband said all he heard was "*bleh* Whaaaaaaa....ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! Does that have fur!!!?!? That CANNOT be normal".  I swear it may have had an "eye". 

I know I know, TMI.... Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!  Things that are NEON green should not be produced by my body!!!!!  Apparently, I am wrong...this is normal....  "Some believe that the presence of mucus indicates that there is something wrong with them, but in fact, it is just the natural immune response of the body to various invaders that attack it."  Yea yea I knew that, but NEON green!?!?!?  "Typically, this occurs when the immune system sends white blood cells to the area of infection. These cells contain a green protein, which, when present in large quantities, turn the mucus into a greenish hue."  

It says greenish not NEON green.  Clearly not normal, right?  Husband says I am being silly.  Fine, so not an alien.   Maybe I should lay off the X-Files.  Or watch it more...ya know for science or something.    

 

Do I look like a sinner? What exactly does a sinner look like? How does a cute smiling business professional equal "you need religion"?!?!?!?!

So I was checking out at the store completely absorbed in the bickering couple in front of me.  They were HILARIOUS!  I'll recap their convo in another post.  So anyways, as I am patiently waiting my turn this tiny Asian woman taps me on the shoulder, hands me a tiny booklet about the size of a checkbook and says "you need this". She pats me on the shoulder and looks at me expectantly, meanwhile her husband shakes his head and looks away.  It was black and orange so OF COURSE I thought it was something Halloween related.  (shoosh, I have Halloween on the brain, alright?!?)
 

A serial killer...right?!?!?

 Then I opened it up...

 And I just, okay...I should have expected that...

SIDE NOTE - I am getting a "Walking Dead" vibe from that "blind" man...you can't fool me brain eating zombie!



I'm not concerned that it is a religious message...that's fine. 

Why is Ray Charles in my comic?!?

I'm more concerned about the representation of humanity...

You know, I don't think the answer will surprise me since you said "Jesus" 50 times.

Also, do demons really say "Yaaah!" when being exorcised?????  Supernatural forgot to teach me that!

"He's got the whole world universe, in his hands. He's got the whole wide world universe in his hands....."

Hmmmm and here I was thinking it was gravitational pulls, dark matter, and whatnot.  (shut up I know its metaphorical...at least I hope...).  Completed control...What about Free Will...?

Like how soon...?  Will I get to at least see what happens on the new X-Files?!?!? (sorry...not sorry)

I'm no expert here but that looks like an invasion.  Hasn't anyone seen a sci-fi movie?!!?!?  That is what happens when Loki opens the portal and the Chitauri come through!  So Jesus is an Alien?!?!  Someone call Giorgio Tsoukalos and tell him he was right after-all. 


There is only one way into heaven...

And it seems to involve a....book? (psssst not the Bible...well the Bible too but don't forget this one...shhhh)

Ahhhhh, I see now...you want some money...that's what will "help" save me.  Good one Jesus comic *rolling eyes*.

So all that to get me to buy a book...really?!?!?

And people wonder why I am so weird when it comes to religion.  I have faith but as I get older my views and understanding change.  I'm not saying these people's beliefs are wrong, I am just saying its rude to tell a complete stranger they need Jesus.  I'm really not trying to be an @$$hat.  No but really why the hell did that woman think I "needed this"?!?!?!?  I clearly look like a heathen in need of saving in my black work pants and pink conservative blouse, buying laundry detergent and cat food.  *hisses*

  

Oh look honey, skyscrapers IN the...sky...?...wait......what.......noooo.......*run away, run away*

Whaaaaaa...?

Soooo I saw this today and just...hmmmm.  Read the article because it explains it as an optical illusion (fata morgana) but...but...but...I dunno.  Again, there is a whole group of scientists saying "nothing to see here, nothing to see, move along" meanwhile the cracks in the universe are back and Pete's world is bleeding through...or is that "Peter's World"...is it Gallifrey??? Oh $hit, I hope not...Nah, not pompous enough...Or did Ultron steal another city? Did anyone check to see if a City is "missing"???  Maybe Jack planted that stupid beans again...crap, giants are @$$holes.  Did anyone read Saga of the Seven Suns...?  Is it a mining facility?  Are the Hydrogues & Faeros going to show up and burn us all to ash?!?!?  These were my thoughts BEFORE the article...This one I didn't think of but it is applicable, GLITCH IN THE MATRIX, call Neo we have a problem.  Also, someone said "Asgard confirmed" which, okay yea I guess I get that one too but it wasn't my first thought.

My confusion (and inner conspiracy theorizing) is because they say the reason we see it is because our eyes/brain can't compensate for the refracted light causing us to see "things" that aren't there.  But...but how does the camera capture it?  Like I get that the camera is seeing the same refracted light but wouldn't putting it on "film" disperse the illusion?  Kind of like when we try to take a picture the majestic moon and end up with a pin head dot in a sea of black.  And wouldn't people be seeing DIFFERENT things if it's an illusion?  Or is this like a group think thing?  Because a few people said "city" every one is now seeing a city.  Or is it really a reflection of the city below...but I didn't see a city below that looked like that...I so confused.

I dunno man, it's just weird and apparently has happened before.  Someone said this happened in China around 2008 ...another city in the sky.  What are the freaking chances of that?!? Where is Mr. Tsoukalos to explain this?!?!?

SIDE NOTE - I am being silly for the most part.  I do understand science, etc.  I just think the explanation is weird.

Why haven't we invented Transporters yet?? Teleporting...? A Vortex Manipulator...? Something that means I can travel without strangers...something that doesn't include me springing for a private jet.

Has anyone ever seen that Jimmy Kimmel skit with Sir Patrick Stewart playing the part of the annoying airline passenger?!?!?!  Because I remember watching it ages ago and I laughed my @$$ off!  Not only because its freaking hilarious but also because how can you NOT love Sir Patrick Stewart?!!??!

With that said, on my flight back home the other day I had all of those annoying characteristics and more in ONE passenger seated behind me.  I should mention it was a later flight...after 7PM and it had been delayed a bit before we boarded.

We were delayed longer because of weather and he b**ched constantly.  He wouldn't shut up about how we'd been "sitting in the plane for 30 minutes and weren't moving", blah blah blah.  Yea well I'd rather be sitting here than trying to take off in a mini hurricane, just saying! 

Then he wanted to talk to everyone around him.  "Hey, you ever been to New Orleans? It's a great place! I've been many many times.  Bourbon is the best. This one time..."  Meanwhile I am just trying to sink as low as I can in my seat and read my book so he'll stop including me in the one sided conversation.   I think he realized this because then he started SHAKING my seat trying to get my attention (what is your f**king problem?!?!). He had also stuck his arm between the seat and wall and kept tapping my shoulder.

We finally took off and he started f**king clapping and cheering and WHISTLING!  OMG STAHP!

The entire 1 1/2 hour flight his knee was in my back.  He was so slouched, his GD knee was WEDGED in my back.  Which isn't kicking but its a close second when it comes to annoying. 

Then...oh then, he opened his dinner.  Yea, I don't care usually when people eat on a plane BUT it was something...Greek or Cajun or Hot Wings or some mixture.  My point is the smell of Garlic and other things was almost nauseating in the tiny space.

He didn't climb over anyone to go pee BUT he did practically run everyone over trying to exit the plane.  I thought it was common knowledge that you wait until the people in front of you exit???  He wasn't a small guy either...he was built like a f**king linebacker. 

Below is the video from Kimmel Live, so fitting

But you see my adventure didn't end there.  The part I left out...that ISN'T in the video is the absolutely DISGUSTING part.  Mid-Flight I kept hearing him clear his throat, like obnoxiously *aheeming* and *back sniffling*...I figured whatever smelly thing he was eating had spice or something.  Then it happened.  He f**king sneezed!  I am not talking about a normal "ahchoo".  I am talking full on DAD sneeze.

He didn't even try to cover his mouth/nose.  It was so forceful that even though there was a f**king seat back behind me my hair blew forward!  And...oh god it gets worse...and I didn't have my sweater on like I usually do and my arm that was near the window was suddenly moist and there were a few droplets on the page I was reading.  I freaked.  Normally I'd not cause a scene and I didn't say anything to him but I did say something along the lines of "*ahhhh* that is disgusting!  Great now I am going to get the plague!".  I didn't scream it...I said it just loud enough to be heard.  He didn't even apologize or offer me a napkin...thankfully the flight attendant was right there and handed me a bunch of napkins and some hand sanitizer (THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS) which I rubbed on my arms and face and hands...basically all exposed skin.  This leads me to the present. You see, a few days after my flight, I started to feel funky *crap*.  I don't have the full blown Plague, I have more of a Plague Light.  Which still sucks but not quite as bad.  *fingers crossed* it doesn't decide it wants to be full blown Plague. 

With all this said, it reminded me of something I saw on imgur or tumblr or reddit...I dunno, one of them and I've been laughing so hard my sides hurt...or maybe its a new symptom of the Plague...who knows.

Lesson: "Humans very well may be the Klingons of the Universe"
(I didn't come up with that, Source).