The good the bad and the Rottweiler....?

I seem to have lost about 6 months of posts so I apologize.  If I recover them, I'll repost.  Lets see if this one 'sticks'.

We all know I read and watch "strange" things.  I Love the supernatural/fantasy/sci-fi stories.  So it's never a surprise when they somehow integrate into my dreams. 

There was a type of supernatural civil war.  Each side was trying to wipe the other out.  Light vs Dark, tale as old as time. 

At first I thought it was about the Fae but it seemed to be all supernatural beings.  But there was definitely a distinct Light vs Dark.  The Dark wanted to conquer and enslave the Earth, the Light wanted harmony.  The Dark was winning, the Light was driven into hiding to survive.  

At some point we are summoned to a council where one of the heroes is there with news.  This has to end.  The universe needs balance.  There is no Dark without the Light.  He will go on a mission to the Dark to work out a truce to save us all.  

What no one seemed to understand is if the Light and Dark destroyed each other, the world would die. Humans, animals, all of the Earth would cease to exist. 

The mission of peace failed.  The hero and his team were killed before they could deliver the message to the queen.  The Light was disbanded and went further into hiding.  I was in a human apartment in New York City with 3 friends.  A vampire, werewolf, and Fae Prince "in waiting". I was some sort of human fae mix but was part of the Light.   The "prince" was our mission, he needed to be kept safe....he was the Dark Queen's son but didn't agree with how the Dark had become so he fled to the Light for safety. 

We were cooking dinner in the apartment, cutting up and having fun despite the circumstances.  We were making steaks and teasing the werewolf about wanting his steak raw.  He said it's how he keeps his physique which resulted in extensive laughter.  We ended up in the bathroom lined up in front of the mirror comparing "abs" which the werewolf, had like...an ab.  Not fat just not defined.  This is the point where I recognized him.  It was Nathan Fillion.  But like him, not him as a character.  Apparently he'd always been a wolf and kept it hidden from "hollywood".  It was such an odd addition to the dream....

While we were cutting up a perimeter alarm went off i.e. a chihuahua was like "Yo I hear something".  We were still shirtless (I had a sports bra on) so we scrambled to get our "get the f**k ou bags" and get the Prince out.  The 3 of them managed to get out the "secret" door but I tripped trying to grab the chihuahua.  I managed to push him through and re-hide the door before the front door blew open.  I tried to hide but it was no use I was found by a Rottweiler and dragged out.  

He was shockingly gentle but I was terrified, this was the queen's pet which means she came herself to take or kill her son.  As I came face to face with the enemy I could only hope they made it out of the building before her army got here.  

She lifted me by neck and threw me on the couch.  Before I could blink she was sitting on top of me pinning me down.  I managed to wriggle free and tried to run but was thrown to the ground.  We grappled back and forth but she was full fae and I was not as strong.  I somehow managed to pin her on couch like she'd had me before.  I was trying to get her to listen to me.  But she was spewing angry words of hate and disgust.  She hated me especially since I was a half breed.  

I managed to cover her mouth and said "just listen!  This isn't about you and me.  It's not about you and your son.  Stop acting like you are on a talk show.  This isn't f**king Oprah!" 

When I said that the Rottie attacked me.  I distinctly remember the teeth sinking into my wrist.  I screamed but got free.  I was losing the fight trying to hold her down and fight off a pissed off dog.  She pulled my hand away and gave a command and the dog stopped.  I was holding my wrist fighting back tears and said "please just listen.  The Universe NEEDS balance.  There is no Dark without the Light.  If you kill us all you will die too! The Earth will die and life will cease to exist! We have to stop"

She sat up inhumanely fast.  She had fangs dripping blood, face no longer the beautiful queen *WTF the queen of the Dark doesn't have fangs*.  She was holding me close to her face, mouth by my ear and said "the dead don't want to kill you, we want to breed you, harvest you, and eat you."

I remember realizing the Dark was no longer the Dark as we knew them.  They weren't the opposite to the Light.  They were never bad just the Ying to the Yang....but these weren't that, these were bloodthirsty monsters who only lived to consume. As she sank her teeth into my shoulder and tore my skin from the bone, I woke up...screaming.  

Hello Clarice...*stfeep stfeeep ftfeeep*

Maybe I need to change my diet because these are getting out of control. 

Buckle up it's long....

I'm walking into a small but very well lit bar.  There was one bartender.  He was cleaning a glass (how movie-esque).  He looked at me and said "what the f**k is she doing here?!" 

That's when I noticed I walked in with someone.  It was an older man but not old.  He was very...mafia looking.  But he was fit not fat, and nice looking.  He said "she is my assistant.  Where I go, she goes!" The bartender threw a glass and said "I don't need another f**king chick to babysit".  

Um Excuse...?!  I glared at him but he was cleaning up the mess.  I mean what the hell is his problem?!? All I noticed was he was tall, fit-ish, and dirty blonde hair and very grumpy. A lady came down the stairs, wait...stairs...?  Now I am in a house...a HUGE house not a bar.  But the small bar with tender is still there.  The bar is beveled glass and lit up blue (classy).  Moving on, the lady.  She ran over to me...well as best she could in ridiculous heels...and gave me a tight hug. 

She was the boss' wife and apparently the other "chick" the bartender was talking about.  

I don't recall much but I know I was doing a lot with money and books.  I went everywhere with the boss or his wife.   The bartender warmed up to me a little but was still quite an @$$.  We fought ALL THE TIME.  He clearly didn't like me. 

I know I talked to the boss about some weird transactions that concerned me.  He told me its business. Okay....  It jumps and I see a hidden safe with, are those thumb drives...? And documents...and stacks of money...?!?  

The wife and I were "friends" but I didn't trust her.  Something was off.  

I am arguing with my new nemesis when the front door explodes into splinters.  I hit the ground hard and there is a weight on top of me.  I hear yelling and chaos.  My eyes are watering and I'm coughing (is that tear gas?!?). My frenemy is on top of me.  He's yelling "don't f**king touch her.  She doesn't know anything.  She's just a nanny!"  What...?  

I am yanked roughly to my feet with my hands bound behind me.  My boss is being led out in cuffs, the bartender is in cuffs, I AM IN CUFFS, but the wife is not.  She is talking to an FBI agent *WTAF?!?!?!* 

I'm in a sleazy hotel with some agents, bossman, bartender, and another person.  We are now tasked with getting my boss safely to the airport to testify.  He's in cuffs and a bullet proof vest and is terrified.  He said someone on the inside is selling info to dirty cops/agents and he is the sole witness. 

We are walking to a decked out Jeep.  The bartender is trying to keep me from going.  He is insistent it's too dangerous. I said, "Sorry dude, I part of this now, I HAVE TO GO, besides what does it matter to you?!?!" He grabbed me roughly by the arm and bent down in my face, "Because I F**KING CARE about you!"...."oh".

We pile into the jeep.  That other guy is driving, he's very italian and a bit heavy, boss man in the passenger seat, me and bartender in the back.  I tried to scootch all the way over but am grabbed and belted into the middle seat, "yo WTF?!?". He sits next to me and puts an arm around me *ummmmm*. 

I'm in a suit (WTH).  It's super uncomfortable.  I am really nervous.  Bartender is holding me tight and whispering something in my ear.  I don't know what but I teared up and shivered. I leaned in closer to him. We are making our way to the airport when we are forced off the road by two black SUVs.  Everyone is panicking.  The agents aren't responding on the radio.  We are under an overpass in gravel. Everyone in the car is yelling and not listening to me.  Bullets are pinging off the outside of the jeep (is it bulletproof?!).

I grabbed a remote looking thing from my purse and smash the button.  Fireworks go off outside and the assailants seek shelter.  I cold cock the driver in the face and scream for everyone to get the f**k out.  As we are running towards a fence bartender is like "WTF?!?"  Someone is shooting at us.  I pull a glock out of my waistband (what is happening?!), turn around and open fire on the jeep.  I hear the driver yelling, "you double crossing b**ch!"  One bullet hits home and a tire explodes knocking him over.  

We are in a cabin.  It's just me, bossman, and bartender.  I am trying to secure the place.  They are freaking out and looking at me like I grew a second head.  I finally introduce myself as a special agent.  I was undercover as his assistant but realized the corruption at the FBI and flipped.  I am pinned against a wall with a very angry bartender in my face.  I kick him in the baby bags and pin him with an arm behind his back.  

I say to my boss "your wife is in bed with the corrupt agents.  I didn't know who I could trust anymore.  We are laying low until my contact gives the all clear".  Bossman is freaking about the collapse of his empire.  I release my bartender and open the hidden safe (AH HA!).  I realized what the wife was up to and collected evidence on her, the corrupt agents, and stashed lots of cash.  I transferred the businesses out of their names and made him the primary owner with me as an advisor (just in case, *shrug*).  

My boss is giving me the most ridiculous bear hug but the bartender is still pissed.  "ow ow ow".  I was shot.  I had a vest on so mainly bruised ribs but I had a hole in my bicep (OW!).  He says give the bartender some time to process.  

I had the suit jacket and vest off and the white button up half off trying to clean my arm.  Its bleeding a good bit and is very painful.  Someone is yelling, grabbing my hand. "Don't do that! Are you stupid?!? Do you even know what you are doing?!  You probably need stitches!".  My bartender... he's still pissed and red from the neck up. He looks like he's already showered. He gently takes my arm and begins to clean it.  "Mother F**ker!!!".  He glares at me.  Dude what...it hurts!  

He numbs it a little with whatever I had in a kit and stitches my arm.  Mind you I can still 100% feel this and it doesn't feel great. Bossman comes to check on me and smiles.  No no no, don't do that sir.  He winks and walks out. Oh come on!  Once he's done, I say I need a shower.  

Before I can walk away he rests his forehead against mine and says "You could have told me".

I start to look up..... and gasp for air.

Suddenly I can't breathe. WTF?!?!  I jolt awake to a cat...ON MY FACE!

So like the X-men...?

Weird dreams are my jam lately.  So after falling down a mountain. My subconscious decided to be just plain weird. 

This is one of those jumpy dreams but what I remember is VIVID.  

Anyways so I was in "college".  But it was NOT college.  It was basically a prison camp for gifted individuals.  And I wasn't college age...I was my current age.  Everyone there was of varying ages and had...talents.  Except me.  I was known as the "weirdo" without a talent.  

You see sometime in 2020 (f**k 2020) there was an event of sorts.  This event affected our DNA and certain individuals ended up with a mutated gene causing varying powers.  But not everyone was affected and the ones affected were the minority so the normies were scared of us hence the "camps".   

The reason I was there even without a "talent", is because I had the mutated gene, I just never exhibited anything.  But fear of my potential sent me there, yay humanity *rolling eyes*.

It jumped around alot but I remember a one point being in a cafeteria eating.  I had friends, really good friends, but I was also made fun of a lot because I was basically nothing special.  It sucked but I dealt with it.  Jumping ahead, I was in my "dorm" after being assaulted by some jerks and was having a serious anxiety attack.   Suddenly I was glowing, a rainbow of hexagons blinking around me like some cracked out aura.  As I calmed down they faded.  WTF?!?

It jumped again and I was in an empty classroom freaking out.  I had just been tortured (again?!?) by these guys all in black trying to draw out a "talent".  Once I was alone my weird hexagon aura showed up rapidly blinking all around me.  Except, I was NOT alone.  My friend, who was a scientist that "studied" us but didn't agree with the "camp" situation happened to be in the room. He scared me and I suddenly "blinked away".  I was invisible.  And I only knew I was because he nervously asked where I went.  

It jumped again weeks...months...(?!?) and I was working on controlling my emotions and my talents.  I made a habit of invisibly wandering around campus and into "secure" areas trying to find out what was happening; my scientist friend kept my secret.  

Jumping AGAIN, someone new was brought to the camp.  He was an anomaly.  Apparently he was filming a new movie when he burst into colorful hexagons scaring the bejesus out of his costar.  When they tried to restrain him he disappeared briefly.  No one, including the scientists nor the actor himself, understood  what caused it to manifest as they couldn't get it to really happen again.    

So I sent him a note to meet me in a dark abandoned auditorium (that's not creepy).  I waited invisible in a  seat.  He seemed nervous but in control.  He sat down near me.  I gently caressed  his forearm causing very faint "blinking" but he was unaware of me still and confused why he was "blinking".  I leaned in very close and whispered, I know how to control it.  He burst into a full spectrum of colors and was breathing heavily trying to figure out where I was.  Before he could speak I told him try not to react to me...pretend I wasn't there.  As the blinking calmed a bit, I climbed over him not touching but straddling, hovering just above his lap.  It was like a weird seduction but that wasn't my plan, I could give two $hits about seducing him.  I was no longer alone!  Just as he thought I had left and was relaxing I "ground" down (...grind... you get the idea) and spoke into his ear. "The key is extreme emotion".  It scared the absolute crap out of him & maybe kinda turned him on a bit... He disappeared briefly but in that brief moment he could see me and I could see him...sort of.  WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!? It was just a vague human shape and a color...I was clearly female, pinkish purple and he was clearly male and a royal blue.  He reappeared and as I was contemplating having more fun with him or bolting away, I was punched in the eye.

Wait what?!?!  Who punched me?!?!  I was now awake in a pitch black strange room (Ah, still on vacay) and was seeing "colors" behind my  right eyelid BECAUSE my husband had just backhanded me in his sleep.  Dammit!  That dream was just getting really good! 

The hit wasn't hard, I was fine, and he felt awful. 

Fin

So long and thanks for all the fish

I'm pretty sure there is a book...and a movie that said something like this...

Link

I thought this was going to be profound....

"They simply won't notice, the same way a construction crew demolishes an anthill to build real estate because they lack incentive to protect it," 

Soooo unless they are building a "hyperspatial express route.", Earth is unnoticeable? 

DAMMIT!

OR we will be the Space Orcs of the Universe and destroy everything. 

"He suggests that once a civilization reaches the capabilities of spreading across the stars, it will inevitably wipe out all other civilizations."

Hmmmm.  The below is a fav of mine...it was hard to pick just one...I love Humans being the scary ones... its a little long but F**king hilarious!

Humans. The Orcs of space.

I didn't know hair grew under your eyes....

So I saw this:

Sweet!  I need help with that...mine get puffy and dark.  Its hereditary so I need all the help I can get.
Then I got to number six...Rosemary:

Wait, stimulates hair growth...? And my imagination went wild.

Le me with dark puffy undereyes...I need essential oil!

I should make - Rosemary Green Tea Under Eye Toner

What probably happens...Le me with no more baggy under eyes

 Where my imagination went....

The f**k kinda bull$hit is this?!?!  Has anyone in history had to shave their under eyes?  Well growing hair there would reduce the appearance of under eye bags....

Why does my brain work like this?!?!?!?!?!

In reality "Rosemary essential oil contains ceffeic and rosemarinic acid, both being strong anti-inflammatory agents that help reduce inflammation. It also acts as a mild diuretic that reduces swelling."  Which would help with puffy dark circles.  Ahhhh I see.  So no hairy under eyes.  Got it.

I am so weird.....

Do I look like a sinner? What exactly does a sinner look like? How does a cute smiling business professional equal "you need religion"?!?!?!?!

So I was checking out at the store completely absorbed in the bickering couple in front of me.  They were HILARIOUS!  I'll recap their convo in another post.  So anyways, as I am patiently waiting my turn this tiny Asian woman taps me on the shoulder, hands me a tiny booklet about the size of a checkbook and says "you need this". She pats me on the shoulder and looks at me expectantly, meanwhile her husband shakes his head and looks away.  It was black and orange so OF COURSE I thought it was something Halloween related.  (shoosh, I have Halloween on the brain, alright?!?)
 

A serial killer...right?!?!?

 Then I opened it up...

 And I just, okay...I should have expected that...

SIDE NOTE - I am getting a "Walking Dead" vibe from that "blind" man...you can't fool me brain eating zombie!



I'm not concerned that it is a religious message...that's fine. 

Why is Ray Charles in my comic?!?

I'm more concerned about the representation of humanity...

You know, I don't think the answer will surprise me since you said "Jesus" 50 times.

Also, do demons really say "Yaaah!" when being exorcised?????  Supernatural forgot to teach me that!

"He's got the whole world universe, in his hands. He's got the whole wide world universe in his hands....."

Hmmmm and here I was thinking it was gravitational pulls, dark matter, and whatnot.  (shut up I know its metaphorical...at least I hope...).  Completed control...What about Free Will...?

Like how soon...?  Will I get to at least see what happens on the new X-Files?!?!? (sorry...not sorry)

I'm no expert here but that looks like an invasion.  Hasn't anyone seen a sci-fi movie?!!?!?  That is what happens when Loki opens the portal and the Chitauri come through!  So Jesus is an Alien?!?!  Someone call Giorgio Tsoukalos and tell him he was right after-all. 


There is only one way into heaven...

And it seems to involve a....book? (psssst not the Bible...well the Bible too but don't forget this one...shhhh)

Ahhhhh, I see now...you want some money...that's what will "help" save me.  Good one Jesus comic *rolling eyes*.

So all that to get me to buy a book...really?!?!?

And people wonder why I am so weird when it comes to religion.  I have faith but as I get older my views and understanding change.  I'm not saying these people's beliefs are wrong, I am just saying its rude to tell a complete stranger they need Jesus.  I'm really not trying to be an @$$hat.  No but really why the hell did that woman think I "needed this"?!?!?!?  I clearly look like a heathen in need of saving in my black work pants and pink conservative blouse, buying laundry detergent and cat food.  *hisses*

  

Oh look honey, skyscrapers IN the...sky...?...wait......what.......noooo.......*run away, run away*

Whaaaaaa...?

Soooo I saw this today and just...hmmmm.  Read the article because it explains it as an optical illusion (fata morgana) but...but...but...I dunno.  Again, there is a whole group of scientists saying "nothing to see here, nothing to see, move along" meanwhile the cracks in the universe are back and Pete's world is bleeding through...or is that "Peter's World"...is it Gallifrey??? Oh $hit, I hope not...Nah, not pompous enough...Or did Ultron steal another city? Did anyone check to see if a City is "missing"???  Maybe Jack planted that stupid beans again...crap, giants are @$$holes.  Did anyone read Saga of the Seven Suns...?  Is it a mining facility?  Are the Hydrogues & Faeros going to show up and burn us all to ash?!?!?  These were my thoughts BEFORE the article...This one I didn't think of but it is applicable, GLITCH IN THE MATRIX, call Neo we have a problem.  Also, someone said "Asgard confirmed" which, okay yea I guess I get that one too but it wasn't my first thought.

My confusion (and inner conspiracy theorizing) is because they say the reason we see it is because our eyes/brain can't compensate for the refracted light causing us to see "things" that aren't there.  But...but how does the camera capture it?  Like I get that the camera is seeing the same refracted light but wouldn't putting it on "film" disperse the illusion?  Kind of like when we try to take a picture the majestic moon and end up with a pin head dot in a sea of black.  And wouldn't people be seeing DIFFERENT things if it's an illusion?  Or is this like a group think thing?  Because a few people said "city" every one is now seeing a city.  Or is it really a reflection of the city below...but I didn't see a city below that looked like that...I so confused.

I dunno man, it's just weird and apparently has happened before.  Someone said this happened in China around 2008 ...another city in the sky.  What are the freaking chances of that?!? Where is Mr. Tsoukalos to explain this?!?!?

SIDE NOTE - I am being silly for the most part.  I do understand science, etc.  I just think the explanation is weird.

Our VoIP system is gonig to get me put on some watch list!!!!

So we have this lovely VoIP system at work which allows me to work from ANYWHERE and it is great, right?  Right!  Well what it does is it forwards calls from my office phone to my cell phone so no one is the wiser that I am not in fact sitting at my desk (nothing that new here).  When it does this I see the phone number calling, along with my 3 digit extension tagged on to the end of it.  That is how I know it is work call.

Well after I installed an OS update on my iPhone I started seeing strange Caller IDs.  Normally when I get a call and the person isn't in my contact list, it just says the city they are calling from (Baton Rouge, LA; Amite, LA; New Orleans, LA).  Well with the forwarded calls it now looks like I am recieving calls from all over the world.

I was REALLY confused one day when it said incoming call from Iran...WTF?!?!  Apparently my extension being added to the end of the number is making my phone think the first two digits are the country code.  So when I get a call from different area codes, I get crazy countries.

Examples:

985 numbers are Iran
318 numbers are Netherlands
225 numbers are Côte d'Ivoire
337 numbers are France
504 numbers are Honduras
601 numbers are Malaysia 

So I feel like one day an unmarked black SUV is going to be parked by my house and when I go to get the mail in my Pajamas I will be abducted by some unknown three letter government agency. We are talking full on True Lies situation.  

If y'all don't hear from me for a while THIS is what happened...no doubt. 

Zombies are @$$holes, mmmmkay

I think I figured it out.  I have my most cracked out dreams when I am utterly exhausted.  I am not talking "hey I worked out earlier" tired.  I am talking about "I cleaned my ENTIRE house", "Did ALL the yard work (cut grass/weed-eated/hedged)", "ran a 1/2 marathon" or in my most recent case "played in the pool with a bunch of kiddos under the age of 6 for more than 3 hours". 


And when I say played, I do not mean relaxing in the pool while a lil one waddles around you.  I mean fully submerged swimming/walking back and forth.  Getting in and out. Making sure no one busts anything, "No running!!!" (sorry, my inner lifeguard comes out from time to time).  Busy busy busy BUT very fun!  So by the time it was time for bed, I was basically a Zombie. 

I had the most insane dream.  I don't watch a lot of Zombie shows/movies . . .well I do sometimes but not as ofter as other supernatural stuff, so I was really confused when I woke up as to why I dreamt about 'zombies'.  And I don't mean "Night of the Living Dead" slow walking, moaning "braaaaaains" zombies.  I am talking about those terrifying ones that run like f**king cheetahs (World War Z, 28 Days Later, I am Legend, etc.).  I was NEVER scared of zombies because I always thought, "dude you can OUTRUN them"...until 28 Days Later came out.  I remember going to the theater to see it and I was f**king scared out of my mind!  They didn't just run, they full on sprinted, all the while screeching.  And it wasn't like a slow burn infection.  You got ANY type of bodily fluid in you and you were a screaming banshee in seconds, WTAF!?!?

It's a loooong, detailed dream...get some popcorn and enjoy.  

Okay, moving on to my dream.  I was on vacation with the other half when the world went to $hit.  I am assuming we were in some sort of tropical climate because there was a resort and swimming BUT there were also things that hinted at Europe sooooo who the f**k knows.  I am not sure how but basically we get separated.  One minute we are enjoying an all inclusive beach and boos resort and the next minute I am wandering around Ireland...Scotland...MAYBE...it was really green...and a bit nippy.  I really don't know but it wasn't the U.S. that's for sure (people talked "funny").  I am picked up by a group of other survivors and brought to something that looks like a fort.  But inside it is ANOTHER all inclusive type place, no beach but a ridiculous pool and lavish buildings.  I am concerned about getting the f**k out of whatever country I am in but everyone there is like "no we stay here and wait for rescue" which sounds like the WORST idea to me.  There are parties every night and patrols every day.  I remember going swimming (no clue where the suit came from ) at one point.  There was a guy. . .I can't remember his face but he was attractive, tall and skinny but muscular.  He wouldn't leave me alone, even when I said "sorry boo, I am taken" (see even in my dreams, faithful wife).  He kept trying to catch me in the pool.  He got pissed at one point and threw a bunch of giant pills at me (is that The drugs???).  After some contemplation I went to the room he was sharing with some other peeps and returned the pills (I have no idea why, don't ask).  He looked different now.  I remember thinking "holy $hit, he's famous!" but I am not sure who it was.  We were suddenly BFF's and practically inseparable (no more sexual advances).

Jumping ahead, a group of us thought the whole "party all the time" mantra was a bad idea.  Stop making noise!!!  So of course one fateful night the "zombies" breach the outer wall and come pouring in.  We were near the insane pool...two options 1) Run around it and chance getting caught by a human cheetah on speed or 2) Dive into the water and swim across....the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, looks like I'm getting wet (shhhhhhhh, get your mind out the gutter).   The details of the dream were so vivid!  I could feel the water go up my nose when someone accidentally jumped on top of me.  I remember the weight of my clothes from jumping in fully clothed and the heaviness of my tennis shoes.  I can still feel the vice like grip on my calf as an inhuman fell in, latched onto my leg, and pulled me back under.  And I remember the relief I felt as my friend pulled me from the water and to safety (no bites or scratches...whew).  Thankfully the infected seemed to have trouble traversing the water so we managed to get a head start running (as I coughed a gallon of water out my burning lungs).  We made it to a main building where we broke into groups to enact a plan that I don't remember helping to create but I knew my place.

It consisted of us running UP stairs to lure the infected behind us. . . okay in EVERY horror movie I yell "OMG don't go up the f**king stairs! There is no way to escape." But we had a plan . . .it was sketchy at best.  We had to wait for the rabid individuals to see us and then run like our @$$ was on fire, what could go wrong...?

Jumping ahead again, we are no longer in the safety of the resort.  We've been separated into smaller groups.  Not by choice. . .  We are moving from "safe" house to "safe" house as quickly and quietly as possible.  We sleep in shifts and scavenge for food in the abandoned homes.  We can't eat just anything, in case it is INFECTED.   The only thing I really remember from this part is that my new friend was fiercely protective of me, &/or I made him feel safe...grounded...not sure.  I just know he NEVER left my side.  I can recall him basically cocooning himself around me while I was sleeping and holding on for dear life (we are talking vice grip).  Not in a snuggle up or sexy way...more like an "I can't lose you too way".  And honestly sometimes I wasn't sure if he was protecting me from the zombies or the other men in our group.  It was weird. 

Jumping ahead further, we find more survivors.  It is a military compound. They will only let us in once our eyes have been scanned (this was from I am Legend, I think).  They wanted to separate us but my friend said we were married so we could get in...together.   Conveniently we both had wedding bands....I guess he was married too...I don't remember noticing it before this.  It is hot, loud and chaotic but it feels safe.  I have no idea how much time had passed but eventually I spot a familiar face in the mess hall and practically tackle him (my other half, if you didn't figure that out).  He has a woman with him...it is my friend's wife...I know, I know very cheesy...sorry...I think my brain needed a happy thought.  Out of no where I heard the animalistic screeching the runners make.  Somehow they got inside. . . I was wrapped up in my hubbies arms crying when I felt a powerful shove...I woke up. 

I obviously don't know for sure what happened but I know what it felt like.  It felt like the "monster" got me.  Needless to say, I couldn't really fall back asleep after that.  My heart felt like it was trying to escape.  But why did I have this insane dream?!?!  Then I remembered.  Saturday night I put on SyFy Channel and watched 28 Weeks Later.  I didn't watch all of it but I watched enough to give my subconscious enough ammo to scare the bejesus out of me. 

$hit, if it's going to be that kind of a party I'm gonna stick my d**k in the mashed potatoes

In times of confusion I find myself drawn to the wise words of the Beastie Boys, well not actually but that's where I know this line *tee hee hee*.  Its actually from  a comedian, Mantan Moreland on his album That Ain't My Finger.

I am feeling very all over today so this post will in fact be all over.  Try to keep up...you may want to take a Dramamine just in case. 

Here is my WTF Facebook moment of the week (and by FB, I mean YouBeauty):

Why!?!?!!?  At first I thought it was going to be one of THOSE articles where I go "OMG, don't stick that in there!" But then I read it and its just "normal" things.  And by normal, I mean things that are meant to go in there....like a Kegal thingy or a DivaCup or a vibrator that you wear all the time that can be activated REMOTELY by your lover *stupid stare*.  Can you imagine being in a board meeting when your man (or woman) decides to f**k with this thing?  "You see over here are our potential earn-ahhhhhhh-ings...whew, um anyway.  This is where we want to be-ahhhhhhh *moan*." Ha!

I think it would have been far more interesting to read if it had been OTHER things.  Like, "you wouldn't believe what this Soccer Mom got stuck in her hoohah" (insert pic of kids toy).  Ya know something interesting.

This fascinates and terrifies me:

I know the article is just saying they discovered it and that is REALLY cool.  But it makes me think about how scientists will sometimes do things just because they can...even if there are FOUR movies that tell us why we probably shouldn't just because we can. 

I mean I'd still be one of those idiots that goes to the park and probably get eaten by a Velociraptor but HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?!?!

Also, I saw this and my 1st thought was "OMG I LOVE that skirt!"

Wait...that's a...maybe I could still wear it...no...*le sigh*

Then...then...THEEEEEEN! One of my lovely "friends" sent me this:

First thought "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Second thought "why the f**k would you send THIS to me of all people?!?!?"  Third (and most important) thought "They better not try to Jurassic Park this thing!"   I've seen it before but didn't read it.  I know the article is like a month old but *shudder*.  I personally feel like this specimen should be burned in fire.  Actually it should be doused in holy oil, wrapped in spark paper and dropped into the burning pits of hell!  You know why?!?!  Because it is an effing "bug who shall not be named!" When the world ends they will be the only thing left standing!   Which also means if you try to burrow this thing outta the amber and get a "closer" look there is a very good chance the f**ker is still alive in some sort of stasis and once the air hits it, it will come alive and wreak havoc on our unsuspecting world!  It will mate with the already near indestructible "bug who shall not be named" of our time and create a super critter that will have me running for the hills.  Unless they infest the hills then I'll wrap myself in a giant bubble/hamster ball thing, stock pile RAID, and hope I am safe.  You think the ones we have now are brazen, imagine a "predatory" one.  And how do they know its "predatory"?!?!  Does the f**king thing have fangs or something?!?!?! I'm going to have nightmares for weeks!

**Side note** I didn't read the article...why would I read an article about that?!!??!


Seriously though...today I relate to this on a spritual level....:

The wheel is my brain...

I'm going drink more caffeine and run a few laps around my office. 


 

Whose voice is that...?

Everyone hears a voice(es) in their head.  Not in the mentally unstable way!!!  In the as you are reading something way.  Whose voice is it???  It isn't my own.  When a book has "British" male characters...whose voice am I using when I am reading...

I have a feeling it is mostly influenced by what we see on TV/hear on the radio.  But what determines whose voice your brain uses.  For example I can't read the last name Miller without hearing a strong Scottish accent.  I know why, I watch Broadchurch...but her last name was also Miller in Gracepoint yet I don't hear the unusual "American" Accent that was used. Is it because I watched Broadchurch first...possibly.   Or maybe I just prefer the Scottish accent over the, uh, different sounding, American one...(I am not judging...I could not fake an accent to save my life so yea.)

Other than that I can't place where the accent comes from.  Whose English voice am I using when I read?!?!!??!  Whose Canadian accent is that?!?!  I don't know anyone from Boston... Mid-western...how does one define that when they are from the South?!!??!  Scottish...there is a huge difference between the way Sean Connery and Ewan McGregor sound (at least to me).  How does it work (in your head)???  I mean there are so many!!! The females voices aren't mine, I don't think... How does our brain determine what characters sound like as we read, hmmm.  If I see a movie before I read the book, I am fairly certain the voices I "hear" are those of the actors but what about the other way around.  I read Hunger Games before the movies came out...my Katniss didn't sound like Jennifer Lawrence, she sounded more mousey in my head... not sure why.  Probably because they said over and over how she really didn't want to be noticed.  She was independent but  didn't want to be a leader.  In my head that gave her a softer, less authoritative voice, I guess. 

I'm sure much of it depends on the authors description but still.  And yes I know dialects differ across countries...hello an "American accent" could mean any number of things.  It boggles the mind!!!  I thought about it because today we were talking about sexy accents and Jamie Dornan came up.  He has a nice smooth Northern Irish accent (I had to look that up...I don't know the difference), very alluring.  But in my head when I am told "Irish Accent" they sound more like the brothers from Boondock Saints.  Which is still sexy but in a whole other way.   I just don't know!!! Someone tell me where the voices in my head come from!!!

OMG, I sound like a complete basket case right now.  Maybe I need a nap...I think I am over thinking this...

Irrational?!?! Clowns are terrifying, you nut!

I've been told my "fear" of clowns is irrational.  I disagree!!! Clowns are 100% terrifying (statistical fact).  Why are they wearing that exaggerated makeup?!?!?  What's with the baggy exaggerated clothes???  WHAT ARE THEY HIDING?!?!

It is not an irrational fear.  Others think my fear is based off of IT.  They think I saw IT as a kid and it scarred me for life.  While yes I did see IT, that is not what started my fear.  My FEAR was well established before IT...the movie only justified my fear.  Clowns are f**king evil!

I distinctly remember hating clowns from a very young age.  I had a clown lamp in my bedroom.  It was a clown holding a bushel of balloons.  The balloons were the lamp shade.  It also played f**king circus music if you wound it up and the head lolled from side to side (I think, I may have imagined that part).  Also, the face had this forced looking smile like it was just waiting to kill me in my sleep.  "Gee, I wonder why I developed a fear of clowns?!!?!?" 

I can't find a picture of the lamp I had...the ones I am finding aren't nearly as nightmare inducing!!! Either that or my memory is quite skewed...
 

It looked something like this but the base was mostly white, not wood, I think it was porcelain & plastic

The face looked more like this.....

But in all seriousness I basically refused to sleep in my bedroom until my mom removed it.  I didn't even want it in the attic, I wanted it gone!  I was like 3 or 5 years old!!!  She replaced it with a lamp that was a f**king doll with an umbrella and the umbrella was the lamp shade.  "OMG mom stop giving me lamps that can watch me sleep!!!!!"

It looked something like this!

I think my mom was trying to scare me to death! 

Anyways, my fear of clowns started long before IT ever came out.  I saw IT.  You might be wondering WHY someone with a fear like mine would do that. Well I was at a sleep over and I didn't want to be the "scaredy cat" so I sat through it.  Then I didn't sleep for a f**king week! 

Seriously, could you sleep if you saw this every time you closed your eyes?!!??!

You would think as an adult my "fear" would have dwindled.  Nope!  I can control it...outwardly you would think I was fine (unless you really know me)...inside I'd be hyperventilating!  But for real, I went to the Circus with my friends for one of the kid's birthdays...I had to concentrate on not freaking out so the little ones wouldn't freak out.  It was pathetic! I even re-watched IT again as an adult and literally had every light in my house on.  The guy I was dating at the time came home and was like "WTF?!!?"  I absolutely, without a doubt, am terrified of clowns.  They are not cute or funny people!  They will kill you in your sleep...hello, Pennywise, Twisty...KILLER CLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE!

Sam is my spirit animal...he gets its!

 

Look, I love me a good horror movie but put a clown in it and I am reduced to a quivering mess. 

And then she tried to feast on my soul!

Sorry if you thought I actually met a soul sucker...thankfully that was NOT the case. I have begun to have strange dreams again.   Well I think I always have strange dreams but I remembered last night's and I really feel like my subconscious may have been on drugs...

Its funny because what triggered the memory of said dreams happened while in my car.  I checked my blind spot and saw the sticker on my window and I thought it was a bug...suddenly my brain was flooded with images of my strange @$$ dreams.  It was weird because at first they were just below the surface, I couldn't grab them...then without warning I remembered them in great detail!

First - We were in our house.  It was cold outside so we had brought in some of my more delicate potted plants.  But instead of them being out of the way they were all over the living room.  That in and of itself was odd but what was even more strange is the number of plants.  I mean I have quite a few but not nearly as many as were in my dream.  It looked like a jungle.  Old man was very interested in one of my larger potted plants.  When I went to investigate I saw a small snake...kind of like the one I actually had in my yard a few months back.  We didn't think it was poisonous but I still was dragging old man away from the plant just in case.  Unlike the real one we had, this dream one was very pissed off. It kept striking at me...it was unusually fast and seemed to be able to "jump".  It "jumped" out of the pot as I hollered for my hubs to come help.  I tried to catch it on the floor and it slithered under the entertainment center.

I peered under and it "jumped" again, hit the bottom of the center and broke into two pieces.  "What the actual f**k is going on?!?!" Two odd looking black/iridescent beetles came running out, making some awful high pitched noise.  I screeched (because I am pretty sure my ears were bleeding) and grabbed a shoe.  I couldn't kill them!  It was like they were made of metal.  Then one of them wrapped around my left index finger and stopped making noise, all the while methodically clicking its mandibles *shudder*. Meanwhile the other was still running a muck around my house, WTF!?!?!?  Hubs finally showed up and was trying to help me get the beetle off my finger.  It had a death grip and every time we tried it clamped its legs tighter around my finger...to the point where it's pointed legs had pierced the first layer of skin.  In a panic I started pulling really hard and I heard a *crack*...it's leg was fracturing and it screamed, I am talking a human in extreme pain type scream...so I stopped.  I remember thinking "well its not hurting me on purpose, it is just scared." Somehow we carefully extracted my finger without killing the bug from hell and get this...we SET IT FREE!

Second - (Okay this one is long, just a warning because there was a lot of detail I remembered) We were not in present day but I don't think it was the past either.  Maybe some warped future.  I say this because there was no electricity and some scenes seemed like they were back in the 1800's BUT other scenes took place in old raised shotgun type houses in NOLA.  I am not sure what my "job" was but I was making house calls.  On my first "call" I was in one of the shotgun houses.  It was a mess, boxes and stuff piled everywhere but it wasn't dirty.  It vaguely reminded me of my grandparents old double shotgun but it was much higher off the ground.  My client/friend offered me dinner and a place to stay once I finished whatever I was there to do.  I declined at first but he insisted because it was almost dark out and he didn't want me to leave once the sun set.  Although there was no electricity, gas still seemed to work because there was a gas fire place and it was lit, but to see we had small oil lanterns.  I couldn't see myself (no mirrors) but I remember seeing my arms in a long sleeve dark shirt, my hands were in fingerless gloves, and I had a tattered gray scarf. 

I don't remember any other calls like that but I knew there were others.  The next thing I remember I was going down wooden stairs with a hurricane lantern, following someone into a barn like basement but not underground.  There were tons of people and a bunch of "trash can" fires.  I was there to see someone who had recently passed (seriously what was my job?!?!).  He was off in a dark corner...he looked like he had been scared to death.  His skin was ashen and he appeared almost dehydrated but not mummified.  I looked him over but didn't see any signs of trauma and I was told he was basically healthy the day before.  Wait, he was alive yesterday?!?!? They said they woke up and he looked like this *yikes*.

This went on for a few house calls, over a few days I think.  All similar, exposed wooden beams, small contained fires for warmth & to see and more than one family living in the home.  Each "victim" looked identical and was seemingly healthy prior to...well dying.  They all had one thing in common, the morning before they died they received a letter in the mail (apparently USPS survived the apocalypse).  Each person was said to have been disturbed by said letter, almost panicky...and burned the contents after reading it.  This is getting very "The Ring" like...*in a creepy voice* "7 days."  Or in this case 24 hours.  We somehow tracked down a person who got one of these letters and had a stake out.  I was with my partner who wasn't my husband...he was like a legit business partner.  He looked like a homeless version of a detective...from a TV show I clearly watch but which one I couldn't tell you.  We had both dozed off during the night and were awakened by a strange wind...our hair and clothes were whipping around like we were stuck in a vortex...but also a vacuum...because there was no sound.  Trying to get our wits about us we realized the person we were watching was glowing black...I can't explain how you glow black but she was.  We were holding onto each other in shock...fear...mixture of emotions...completely frozen in place by the spectacle before us.  The person wasn't glowing black, whatever was encasing her is what was glowing.  The insanity ended and our client was dead, just like the others.  "What the hell was that thing?!?!?"  People thought we were crazy, talking about glowing black entities that suck the life out of you.

We managed to track down another potential victim.  Stakeout time.  This one was different...the letter was addressed to more than one person...WTF?!? Flash forward, we are in a vortex.  We are trying to approach this thing encasing one of our clients.  It turns and looks at us.  It has a pale white haggard face, the body is a black tattered cloak.  It seems only partially corporal.  It screamed...a blood curdling sound.  The only sound we could hear in the vacuum.  Suddenly the soul of the person it was attacking ascended.  This angered this thing and it launched itself at us.  It had me pinned, I couldn't move.  My partner tried incessantly to free me with no luck.  I could feel him pulling on my arm, I felt his face next to my ear...I am guessing saying something to me.  Who knows, I couldn't hear or see.  I was encased in darkness and freezing cold.  I could feel my life draining away.  I knew what it wanted...it wanted my soul but I fought.  I fought until I couldn't draw breath...and then I woke up. 

Yea, I don't even want to try and analyze these...they are WEIRD!

Cats are weird, oh and my house is haunted

No really...I swear something not of this dimension is totally living in my house.  For the past few months I will randomly hear a loud almost mechanical noise at around 3AM.  It scares the bejeezus out of me!  (of course hubs usually sleeps through it) At first I attributed it to curious cat knocking something but the last few times when I woke up all cats were accounted for... in bed with me *silent scream, silent scream*.  So I pulled the covers over my face and tried to go back to sleep.  On a recent occasion I wasn't fully asleep so when it started I realized it is our printer...prepping to print.  WTF?!?!  I got up and went see what printed...a blank sheet of paper.  "Uhhhhh *gulp*".   Logic kicked in, obviously someone is somehow accidentally accessing the printer via WiFi  or something.  That is why I randomly find blank paper in the finished printing area sometimes.  I turned off the WiFi *yawn* back to bed.

A few nights later I was having a bout of insomnia, sitting on my couch watching TV.  The flipping printer started and I almost screamed.  I slowly crept into the office with my phone flashlight...the WiFi was on and blank sheet of paper was in the bin.  *internal screaming* There has to be a logical explanation...turn off WiFi, curl up in a ball, and pray for sleep.  The next day I asked the hubs if he messed with the printer...maybe turned on the WiFi.  He said no, he hasn't messed with it in a while because the ink is pretty much out.  "Hmmmmm, maybe that is why the paper is always blank *gulp* what would be on the paper if I replaced the ink....".  Shaking those crazy thoughts, I turned off the WiFi (FYI it is a switch) and pretended I wasn't slightly creeped out.  

Last night, while I was home alone, the freaking thing went off again!  I refused to get out of bed.   What good can come out of me investigating the supernatural alone?!?!?  Of course I then slid out of bed, grabbed a stiletto (because that can kill a ghost) and went to investigate.  I tip toed to the office...ya know to sneak up on the undead...flicked on the light...screamed...and then lost it laughing!!!  A black cat was sitting on my desk, next to the printer...right by where the WiFi switch is located.  "Is that lil $hit turning on the WiFi?!?!!?" She ran and I unplugged the printer.  Of course that still doesn't explain the blank paper. . . is she also running a test page???  Did some computer geek come back as my cat and is now messing with me?!? 

OR

Is something else going on and she was just investigating the printer because it was making noise...?!?!?!  I may never sleep again...*waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah*!  So I've decided not to replace the ink...because there are some things we just shouldn't know.  My luck it would say "Don’t cremate me. Don’t cremate me!" If that happened, you would have to commit me because my brain would just shut down.

In other news, she apparently is worried about me.  While old lady cat is a snuggler and will head butt you affectionately (while you are sleeping), the demon spawn tends to keep to herself....unless she is, I dunno, concerned, maybe.  Whenever I am sleeping alone (either hubs is out of town or working late) she pats my cheek with her paw until I open my eyes...then she nuzzles me and walks away..."what...what, just happened....?"

How many stars would you give 'What Would Satan Do?'?

This has to be by far the strangest subject of an email I have ever received from Amazon.  It is a review request.  Apparently I downloaded a Kindle book called "What would Satan do?".  I have no memory of doing this. 

I am a sweet little Catholic girl (well sort of), when did I download a book about Satan?!?  Weeeeeeell I do read lots of mythical, magical, good vs evil books (and I watch shows like Supernatural and Constantine) but this seems a little out of my element.  I mean why would I want to know what Satan would do...this isn't Supernatural...and if it were I'd be dealing with Crowley anyways. 

Since I am a curious creature, I opened the book.  I know every horror movie (SPN) buff out their just shrieked in fear.  WWSADD (what would sam and dean do)???  They'd say "OMG do not open the creepy book you don't remember buying!!! You douse it in salt and burn it"  Too bad its an eBook...how do you salt an burn and eBook, huh, huh?!?!?!  Stumped ya didn't I??? And I am not burning my iPad!  Great, guess I am now a pawn of the underworld. 

Whatever, I did open it and this is the first chapter title "Chapter 1: The Apostles Were Dirty Cannibals", WTF?!?!  Who let Cas write a book???  The first few sentences "There are days when it is appropriate to stomp the hell out of a frog, and days when it is just better not to. The trick is to know which is which.  Satan shot an evil look at the creature on the sidewalk. F**k frogs, he thought, using the new vernacular he hasn't quite got the hang of yet.  F**k them to f**king hell."   Ummmmm what...just what in the world?!?!?! I didn't know there was so much hatred for frogs.  I like frogs sir Satan. 

Then I went and read the synopsis and laughed my @$$ off.  This sounds flipping hilarious.  So now I know I probably DID in fact download it.  It is a satirical story about the devil giving up on hell because he doesn't like how God is handling Judgement Day (not The Terminator version) and is living on Earth. Then somehow becoming the only who will be able to stop Judgment Day.  I feel like this should be an episode of Supernatural where Lucifer & Michael get out of the cage and Michael is like "really guys?!?  What happened to heaven???" and Lucifer is all, "WHY is Crowley running my kingdom?!?! He's a total fan boy for those meddling brothers...I've only been gone for 4 seasons, this is unacceptable!"  Meanwhile the brothers are like, oh shit we forgot about Adam and we all have a good laugh. 

If you are a friend of Jesus, you'll be quiet

Sing that to the tune of "if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands."  I actually used this recently with some kids I really don't know who were about to drive me up a wall.  Thankfully they were just as scared as I used to be that Jesus would think I didn't want to be his friend unless I stopped talking.  I mean, you don't want our Lord and Savior saying "*sigh* little Johnny there wouldn't stop whispering to Susie.  Guess he isn't my friend after all *sniffle*."

Seriously though,  these few words could silence an entire assembly in seconds.  Picture a sweet looking nun standing in-front of the school assembly singing that in the most lovely Spanish accent with her hands clasped in front of her.  Of course, this same sweet little nun could put the fear of God in you with just a look.  And I am not talking about a mean look.  She would look at you with a sweet smile and shining eyes and correct you.  Then you suddenly felt like the most awful child on the planet, "oh no!  Why did I do _____?!?!?".  Even if it was something as silly as using the last of the craft glitter and now no one else can make a shiny snowman.  "Dear God, I am a horrible 9 year old!"  

There were different variations also..."if you are a friend of Jesus, you'll sit down." or "if you are a friend of Jesus, you'll line up to go to lunch" or "if you are a friend of Jesus, you'll stop hitting the little girl you think is cute." Okay maybe the last two are a me being silly (or maybe not).  But I can tell you 99.99999% of the time all good little Catholic kids at my school would IMMEDIATELY stop whatever they were doing that could make them not a friend of Jesus.  It was freaking GENIUS!!! 

Anyway, apparently I learned quite a lesson from her.  When kids are misbehaving tell them Jesus wont be their friend unless they stop.  Voila, perfect little angels...muahahahaha.  My luck I will say this one day and some little $hit will be like, "good thing I worship the prince of darkness" to which I will throw salt and holy water on said child, a la Winchester style and hope I am not sued by the parents when the little booger starts sizzling.