Showing posts with label grocery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grocery. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 27, 2023

I want to wear your skin

Ever have one of those moments where you aren't sure if you should be flattered or fear for your life?

Well I had one of those the other day.  

I forgot to pick up some things at the grocery and had to make a last minute stop.  Mind you I have been baking for two days so I have unwashed (possibly unbrushed) hair, no makeup, and yoga pants/hoodie on. So I put on my favorite podcast and ventured into the insanity.  

I grabbed my items and ran to the express line.  I mean it's two days before Christmas...why are all you people here????

While I am "patiently" waiting, I feel like someone is staring at me.  Like you know how you can just feel the weight of someone's stare????  I look around but everyone is like me just trying to get the f**k out of there.  But I couldn't shake the feeling I had eyes boring into me.  


I glance up again and catch a guy in the other express lane staring at me.  Not like he looked in my direction.  Like STARING at me.  

And he didn't look away when I caught him.  He just kept STARING a hole into my head.  So I looked away and tried to ignore him.  Well I could still feel him looking at me.  Everytime I looked up, he was looking right at me.  It was so freaking weird.  

He was attractive-ish I guess, maybe a little older, dark shaggy hair and blue blue eyes.  If I wasn't so disturbed I may have been a little flattered. But I was ready to get out of his line of sight.

I finally checked out and started out the door when someone grabs my elbow.  I about jumped out of my skin and yanked my arm away.  He did that whole "hands up", I mean no harm thing and said "I noticed you in line and couldn’t look away".  This is when I realized he didn't have bags...as in he got out of line to come talk to me!!!!!!!!!!  

Okay now I am thoroughly $hitting my pants.  Every alarm in my brain is screaming. And I said "oh do I know you?" as I backed up a little...because that is what you say to your potential kidnapper. Come on chick, geeze! It's busy but no one was near us at this point and it was starting to get dark.

Now he is still staring and when I say STARING...It's like that no emotion, BLANK, unhinged person in a movie stare.  


Like he was reading my f**king thoughts and enjoying every second of my panic. 

He says "no you don't know me but I am drawn to you like gravity" as he looks me up and down and back into my eyes.

OKAY WTAF is happening?!?!  I am literally listening to a podcast called Morbid as this is happening and while I love it, I don't want to be an episode ON IT.  

So I just kinda laughed and said "right, okay well Merry Christmas".  -exit stage left-

That Mother F**ker stepped in my path 

I am trying to think of anything I can use as a weapon.  I don't have my purse, just my card, phone, & key fob in my pocket.  And I bought f**king marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate baking chips.  What am I going to do threaten him with deconstructed smores??!?!!?   

Then he seductively said....."I'd really love to give you a call sometime, like later tonight."  That's right....HE ASKED FOR MY MOTHER F**KING NUMBER.  

Um Bruh...just no.  So I uncomfortably say "sorry, taken and bolt BACK into the store" saying over my shoulder "I think I forgot Milk"

Because you know you have to give the creepy serial killer staring dude a reason why you are running away.  I did NOT look back but was ready to grab a bottle of wine off the shelf and chug it in store or use it as a club.

He may have just been "attracted" to me.  But the vibe I got was he wanted to wear my skin like a shawl.  I probably stayed in the store for another 20 min, found a security guard to walk me to my car, and high tailed it out of the parking lot.   Then I drove around like some nutcase trying to see if I was being followed because I was convinced this f**ker is going to follow me home and hubs isn't there.  

So that's my story of how a Buffalo Bill wannabe tried to pick me up at the Grocery store right before Christmas.  

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

OMG who puts raw meat with tampons, and a nice chardonnay?!?!?! What kind of crazy world do you live in?!?! You are doing it wrong!!!

Sooooooo I think I am a tad OCD.  Not about everything but I have some quirks that are a bit...um...Unique.

I went to the store to get a few items.  It was lunch time so there were a lot of peeps in Target.  Translation, all check out lanes were packed.  I jumped in the first one I saw and almost died.  Okay, that maybe a bit dramatic...MAYBE.  There was a lady in front of me with a bunch of stuff. That wasn't the issue.  The issue was how it was arranged on the conveyor belt. 
I didn't notice at first.  I grabbed a divider and put my stuff on the belt.  Frozen foods together.  Canned foods together.  Deli items for lunch + drink together.  And a sports bra at the end with my coupons.  Then I looked at the belt *silent scream, silent scream*.  Does no one else notice this atrocity?!?!
There was no order.  It was like someone just dumped the buggy on the belt without thinking.  It took all of my self control not to start organizing it. The RAW MEAT was mixed up with canned foods and toiletries.  The dog bones were with veggies and shampoo.  The toiletries were with eggs & frozen bread and WORK OUT ATTIRE.  Dear god...Whhhhhy?!?!?!
Seriously, I was having a sitcom moment.  All I could picture was me snapping and frantically rearranging the items while the other shopper yelled at me and the cashier called security.  I'd be forcefully dragged out the store screaming "For the love of god don't put the sports bra with the ground meat!!!!"
Which by the way totally happened!!!  Sports bra with ground meat, and a block of cheese.  No...no...no.  You don't put raw meat with anything but other raw meats.  Honestly you put it alone if you are me but I try not to be too crazy. 
So I am an oddball...right?  Whatever, it makes sense to me!

Thursday, October 29, 2015

The Conversation!

This old Cajun couple in front of me at the store was having some major issues with their payment, the following ensued.

Husband: You chore we need all dis?  Dats sebinty dollars of stuff.
Wife: Mai yeah we do. You juice don make da groceries like I do
Husband: Fine den, use dat plastic card I gives you
Wife: Yeah yeah yeah
Cashier: Um, the card is saying invalid tender
Wife: *sweet as pie* Mai I know dere is monies on dat dere card,  you do dat dere again
Husband: *grumbles unintelligibly*
Cashier: *getting nervous* I've tried it four times, it won't work
Husband: For tru? Dat can' be!!! I don brought back a tv box las wek and dey wouldna giv me the dollars so dey gives me da plastic.
Me: *Trying NOT to laugh...trying to help.*
Cashier: *puts her light on for a manager*
Manager: I'm so sorry. It was swiped too many times and is locked.  I can't unlock it...it takes 4 fours to reset.
Me: *thinking* Oh that's bull$hit she just don't want to call the 800#.
Husband: Aaawwww YEA! Jew see!  Jew see dat! Dat is why I don't trus dem to put my monies on dat plastic!!!  I loss my hard earned cash.
Wife: Oh don't be so dramatic, its still dere, it's just locked up.  Now give that nice lady some monies
Husband: *shocked* me?!?  No, I don gave you da monies on on da plastic, I'm not giving you no more!
Wife: Awww yea, now you stop dat, right now!  You gives her the monies so we can get to goin.
Husband:  *grumbles in French* *hands over his monies*
Wife: Dats a good boy now *still smiling*
Cashier: Thanks...come again...
Me: *don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh* Why do I have a comic about Jesus....?
Couple: *bickering in French all the way out the door*