I was laughing...now I'm crying...?!?

So I am watching Life in Pieces.  Good show, really funny.  One of the Couples is having issues getting preggo.  So they found a birth mother and are adopting, aw! 

SPOILERS for 5/9/19 Episode!!!!

So the whole episode, I am cracking up.  It's funny.  Then the one couple can't get in touch with the birth mom...she's gone M.I.A.  I have friends who have gone through this....ITS AWFUL!!!!  Anyways, they find out she decided to keep the baby.  I was sad but fine.  Then there is this little boy at the Orphanage who is being all cute and he tells them he waited 5 years but tomorrow he's meeting his family.  So they reserve to truck on.  If little man can wait so can they. 

Then the agent says, he isn't going to a forever home, it's a foster home, he's confused.  And now I'm kinda tearing up.  Then they resolve to adopt him because it's like meant to be or something.  So now I am legit sobbing. 

I dunno why this got me so good.  I watch shows/read books with fertility issues and adoptions and other way sadder stuff.  But this.  THIS scenario...ugly crying.  Not sure what it means but now I'm wanting to go watch Golden Girls or something to cheer myself up. 

I'm blaming it on PMS and lack of sleep.   Maybe I need wine and chocolate...or a nap...who knows.

I don't think I have that maternal thing people talk about

First off I am being funny!!!

So everyone keeps telling me one day I will regret not having kids.  And while I think I would be a pretty good mom, I just don't have that envie (ahn-ve).  Don't get me wrong I do like kids.  I love my nieces & nephews & friends kids.  I love them all to bits.  And when I'm holding my 3 month old nephew I think, "okay, yea.  We should probably really think about doing this kid thing".   Then that adorable little chunky monkey decides to spit up milk all over my bare shoulder and it drips between my tatas.  Oh that's cute...now I know why my mommy friends and family are grossed out by nothing.

Because they are soiled daily by their littles.  Maybe if it was my little but ...yea.  I still love him to pieces.  It really wasn't that bad just caught me off guard.  I usually have a burp cloth...lesson learned!  They kept apologizing which I was like "dude its fine, no biggie" but I will say that is not something I am looking forward to.

It is hilarious though.  The second we walk in, its like "mommy & daddy need a break.  go bug your auntie".     My job, which I take VERY seriously, is to wear those little boogers out so mom and dad can get a little relief.  I can't imagine having one running all over, much less two with an infant.  I think I'd go bonkers.  But you can't deny they are the most adorable little stinkers that ever walked the planet.

Best form of birth control...go visit your family/friends with kids.

How can you be in your 30's and not have watched any 90's cartoons?!?!?!?

Okay some newer cartoons are fun but the old ones man...those are the best...maybe because as an adult I catch things and go "oh my god!".  So many hidden things that my little child brain didn't quite grasp.

Animaniacs and Tiny Toon Adventures were pretty famous for that.  Then you had the "older teen" cartoons like Beavis & Butthead and Ren & Stimpy.  But don't forget Courage the Cowardly Dog and Rocko's Modern Life.  Soooooo many to choose from.

So I am not actually gonna reference a "dirty" reference today but just one that makes me and my friends giggle.  Way back when, when we were younger there was a scene in one of the above mentioned TV Shows.  My group references it fairly often as a joke so it almost comes as second nature now.

We were at a thing and one of the little ones kept getting 'dirty' so their mom kept wiping their hands/face off.  To the point where we were like "dude just leave it, they are fine".  At one point mom did it like 4 times in a row.  Kid picked up chalk, mom wiped off hands.  Kid picked up chips, mom wiped off hands. Kid picked up other kids toy, mom wiped off hands.  Look I get it you don't want the little one sick but good lord!  Anyways, at one point she was doing this and I said *sounding like Woody Allen* "Turn the page, wash your hands.  Turn the page, wash your hands."

Only one person got it and it was my relative because we watched the show together.  We were giggling like idiots and everyone else was like "WTF...?".  So I said:
 

"Its Filbert".
*blank stares*.   
"You know the turtle dude from Rocko's Modern Life..." 
*confused stares*.
"OMG y'all come on! Rocko...the Wallaby...came on Nickelodeon..."   
*You are weird stares*

Seriously?! Showed the below:

The kids mom "Oh, that show was dumb, I never watched it".

You're dumb...this show was comedic gold. 

Someone is having a little too much fun with the Juke Box!

Things you expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Generic food...Pizza, Burgers, etc.
2. Loud @$$ people/kids
3. Beer
4. Music...Top Ten Pop Chart stuff
5. Games for Kids
6. Unnecessary calories but an all around good time

Things you do not expect when with FAMILY at a FAMILY style restaurant:

1. Having a conversation with your Father in Law and hearing "B**ch better have my money"
2. Laughing it off as an oops only to have it followed by "Let's Talk About Sex"...Ummm let's not.  Helloooooo Father in Law AND children...just NO!
3. Having the teeninsy waitress in her too short shorts and cut up tee lean between you and said in law while you are talking.  Hello boobies at eye level.  Um excuse me miss can you move those, all I can see is pop in law's eyes and its weird...thanks
4. Talking with other family members only to hear "And you're screaming give it to me baby
Give it to me mother f**ker" *jaw drop* I know its loud in here but if I heard it, others did....right?  Not really.  They were all caught up in conversations but looking around the restaurant you could tell who heard it because they all had the same look as me...*WTF* My bro in law just put his head down and was snorting with laughter.
5. Telling the waitress who apologizes profusely and goes in the back.  20 minutes later "Mommy what's Truffle Butter"...oh God that is SO wrong coming from a child!  We didn't hear the song because we were talking...

I think at this point we all died a little.  The song itself is innocent to innocent ears BUT ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! So mommy did what any mommy would do.  She LIED through her teeth.

"Oh, baby Truffle Butter is a...a delicacy" 
*snickering from the rest of us* *glare from mom* 
"As I was saying.  Its a Delicacy.  Something really only rich people can afford."
*turning red with effort of NOT laughing* *more glaring* 
"So that is why he's singing about it.  He's, um, rich now and its something he can enjoy".  
At this point the 15 year old loses it and it saying "ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!!!!".
We are all shocked...how do you know?!?!?!  Right...15...internet...'nuff said 
They covered it well, "What?  I don't think I like truffles".  Nice save little one. 

I don't think he bought it.  God help us if he remembers this when he is older and loud caps us all for attempting to maintain his innocence.

If you don't know what "Truffle Butter" is...Urban Dictionary it...USE CAUTION...I think it scarred me for LIFE!

Side Note - GROSS!!! That is how you get weirdo infections in your nether regions...don't do that!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say after that the music went off and didn't come back...at least not while we were there....

I think we are overdue for a new plague...

Alright, that sounds really awful and honestly I do not want to go through something like that.  But as stated in a previous post our society is in a downward spiral plummeting towards something really really really REALLY bad. 

I don't know what happened.  I am not a religious fanatic (obviously but I still have MORALS) so I'm not gonna be like "y'all need Jesus" but...ya know what "y'all need Jesus!" Or at least what he represented.  Some sort of moral compass.  Love thy neighbor.  Don't take what isn't yours.  Quit MURDERING people...which if we are being truthful that kind of goes along with the "don't take what isn't yours" thing.  Their LIFE isn't yours to take!!!!!!!

Why can't people cope with their life without enacting harm on another person?!?!  It's like an epidemic!  Life is hard, I know this.  I have stupid crap happen all the time.  Look rejection sucks...but...Rejection.is.normal.  Rejection is a healthy part of life.  Rejection makes you strive harder.  Rejection makes you better yourself so that next time you get what ever it was. 

You will not always make the team. 
You will not always get the job. 
You will not always get the promotion. 
You will not always get the girl/guy. 
You will not always GET WHAT YOU WANT. 

That doesn't mean that you now have the right to harm another person because you were rejected.

Maybe its because I am older but I really feel like the world has become an absolute nightmare.  A place where you can hurt someone or take their life just because YOU feel wronged in some way.  More often than not I am hearing about people who take EXTREME measures against others because they didn't get their way.  It is like they never got passed that Toddler Temper Tantrum phase. 

If a girl/guy/company rejects you:

- You do have the right to be upset
- You do have the right to be angry
- You do have the right to throw YOUR things, in YOUR residence
     ***not at another living creature
- You do have the right to question YOUR choices

- You do not have the right to physically attack anyone
     ***which also means not MURDERING them whether by your hand or a hired one
- You do not have the right to stalk - This includes but is not limited to:
    - Showing up at their work
    - Showing up at their home
    - Showing up when they are out with friends/family
- You do not have the right to harass them
- You do not have the right to damage their property - This includes but is not limited to:
    - Slashing their tires
    - Breaking their windshields
    - Throwing bricks through windows
- You do not have the right to harass their friends/family
- You do not have the right to harm their pets (there is a special place in hell for you if you do)


Just because you have been "wronged" does NOT give you the right to do anything but move on.  You should NEVER lay hands on another person unless in self defense.

No I wasn't attacked but someone I know lost their CHILD because of a "jealous" ex.   It doesn't matter that this person was an adult...they are still someone's CHILD and their life ended prematurely because someone else couldn't cope with them moving on with THEIR LIFE. 

P.S. This includes when you are a parent.  If your child is rejected, teach them a lesson...don't go bat$hit crazy to "save" their feelings.  You are making it WORSE.

P.P.S. People have differing opinions and lifestyles.  Unless their choices are harming you in some way (which is RARE) you have NO RIGHT to harm them or control them.  Live YOUR life and leave them alone to live THEIR life. 

Santa is not a Demon. You people have gone too far. Stop ruining Christmas with your nonsense!

Look I am all about freedom of religion, belief, choice, opinion, whatever but do NOT ruin something for everyone...especially kids...because YOU suddenly feel like everything that doesn't directly says "Jesus Christ" is satanic.

I saw something on Social Media that made me want to go on a spree.  Still undecided if it was a murdering spree or running spree...but it was one of them.  I saw this:

"Santa's a Demon! The uncomfortable truth about Christmas"

I saw the article linked to a "friend's" page along with the statement that said "This is why I told my child that Santa, the Easter bunny, etc. isn't real and we celebrate Jesus Christ in my house!"

Okay fine.  That's fine.  No.It.Isn't!!!  Your child is 7.  Why would you take this away from your baby?!?!?!  He is being raised catholic/christian.   All of his cousins and classmates Believe in Santa.  Why would you ruin the magic of Christmas like this?!?!?!  Not to mention, if he goes to school or to his cousin's house and regurgitates that, how do you think those parents will feel?  How do you think those kids will feel?  I can tell you right now if your extremest uneducated skewed religious bull$hit spoiled the magic of Christmas for one of MY littles, you better run because I can't be held responsible for my actions.  And you better run fast because I've been training and I am pretty quick. 

Why can't you teach him that Christmas is about Jesus and still let him enjoy the magic?  I grew up believing in Santa and I didn't turn into a "devil worshiper".  This is the stupidest thing I have ever read in my life.  This takes the cake on extreme religion.  I am sorry you are "scared of Santa" but come on.  Do you even know the origin story????  Do you?  Because based on this fear mongering article you shared you do not! And just because Santa and Satan are spelled similarly doesn't mean anything!!!!

Read this.  Yea yea, I know History Channel isn't law but they do a pretty good job when it comes to research...usually.  It is widely believed that Santa Claus is based off of St. Nicholas (a real person). "The name Santa Claus evolved from Nick’s Dutch nickname, Sinter Klaas, a shortened form of Sint Nikolaas (Dutch for Saint Nicholas)." What the f**k is Satanic about that?!?!?!

12/25 is a pagan holiday, therefore Santa is a pagan god.  Hey, again...know your history.  Yes 12/25 is originally a "pagan holiday".  It is the final day for the celebration of the Winter Solstice.  A holiday that was literally hijacked by Christians.  So while you are correct, Jesus was probably born in the Spring, our religious forefathers more than likely decided that it was a time when people already celebrated things so why not use it as Jesus' birthday.  The celebration of Saint Nicholas is 12/6 or 12/19 depending on where you are from...so I guess they kind of morphed together for some of us.  At least that is my understanding. 

Krampus isn't the underlying "demon" hiding behind Santa or Santa Claus' alter-ego, making Santa "evil".  Do you even know how to Google?!?  Or go the f**king library.  "Krampus is believed to be a beastial creature who accompanies St. Nicholas on his earthly journey. While St. Nicholas rewards the good children with gifts and sweets, Krampus dispenses punishment to the wicked children who have strayed from the path of good. It is said he takes care of St. Nick's "naughty list"."  Krampus was created to scare the $hit out of naughty kids just like the legend of Santa has morphed into a figure to reward "nice" kids...so they'd behave!  If anything Krampus makes Santa appear even more Saintly.   And lets be real, you only know about Krampus because of that crazy movie that just came out.  Almost no one here in the states knew what that thing was before so just stop.

This isn't a f**king witch eating a baby in some sort of demon worship!!!!

Link to original pic

This is Grýla.  Grýla is a mythical giantess living in the mountains of Iceland. Most of the stories told about Grýla were to frighten bad children.

My point is there isn't anything Satanic about Santa, Krampus, or Grýla.  These are stories to scare little kids into behaving.  There is nothing pagan about December 25th or Santa.  Unless you are a pagan and are celebrating the Winter Solstice, it's f**king Christmas!  Why do people have to ruin Christmas with their ignorant bull$hit!

Side Note - does that mean that little Johnny doesn't get gifts for Christmas because that is part of the "pagan" tradition? Or are you going to say the gifts represent the gifts from the Magi?  Because if that's the case you should wait until 1/6 (Three King's Day or the Epiphany).  I'm not trying to be an @$$hole...wait, this time I am.  People make me STABBY!!!!!

Oh and while we are at it Xmas (yes I know its a Wiki link but it makes sense) does not mean we are removing "Christ" from Christmas .  It is a shortened version of the word, not meant to be disrespectful. It was happening LOOOOONG before some crackhead in recent history decided to get pissy about it.  I can't put it any better than this response to someone who was butthurt by the word "Xmas": " 'X' is the Greek letter "Chi" which is the first letter of "Christos". You should probably be aware that the fish that's almost certainly on the back of your car "ΙΧΘΥΣ" is an acronym for "Ίησοῦς Χριστός, Θεοῦ Υἱός, Σωτήρ", which translated means "Jesus Christ, Son of God, Saviour" so the use of "X" in "Xmas" actually doesn't violate your sensitive beliefs" ~ Chris Hardwick.  Meaning, if people write xmas, they aren't being jerks.  If you want to write out Christmas go 'head.

My point is stop trying to make something out of nothing.  Stop trying to find evil in innocent things.  Stop being an @$$hole!  If you don't like the commercialism of Santa, fine...but don't ruin it for everyone else.  Be respectful of others just like you DEMAND them to be respectful of you.

I know Darwin awards are for people who do dumb things and die...but are there "awards" for parents who do dumb things? Aside from prison...I mean that's good, very good but an "award"/here's your sign seems to be needed as well

Okay this isn't an angry rant about how life isn't fair and how some people don't deserve kids or whatever.  It is a real "WTF is wrong with you" rant.  I might not be able to have kids but sometimes I wonder if our almighty gets a kick out of giving stupid people kids.  This my friends is how Idiocracy happens.  The intelligent fade away and the morons reproduce. 

Like I said it's not a "oh woe is me" rant.  But I can't help but cringe sometimes when I see people (yes that is plural...meaning MANY) I USED TO KNOW (and some strangers) with their kids.  Look, everyone has their own way of parenting and that's fine but there are some things that should be instinctive.  There are some things you should KNOW aren't good for little ones.  Your base maternal/paternal intuition should kick in and want to protect your offspring.

1.  Candy is bad.  A treat here and there is fine but regular intake of candy is bad...for ANYONE! 
     Children do not know this.  They have to be TAUGHT this. 
   
       a. Candy is really bad for babies.  I mean common sense says if they don't have many teeth and
           can swallow it WHOLE, they probably shouldn't get it.  It's called a choking hazard.  So no it
           isn't okay to give a 9 month old a f**king jolly rancher!  You are lucky that didn't end badly,
           idiot. 

2.  Loud noises are bad for kids...hell they are bad for us.  There is a f**king REASON I used to
     wear clear wax ear plugs to concerts and clubs.  I like my f**king hearing.  It was great.  You
     couldn't see them and I could still hear well enough. BONUS: I learned to lip read.  My point is 
     kids need ear protection, too.  Loud fireworks, put on the noise canceling ear phones, they aren't
     that expensive.  A band...okay look bands are loud BUT you should never be in front of the effing
     speaker...and if you shouldn't be there...then your 1 year old shouldn't be there either...even with
     ear protection!!!

3.  I can't believe I am saying this but babies don't belong in bars.  Yes, I was taken to a bar as a child
     but it was for a Mardi Gras thing.  As in the owner was a friend of the fam and was having a
     party (kid friendly) for a parade and I was there.  It was fun.  But if you want to go out on a
     Friday night and can't find a sitter...STAY HOME.  Just... one its loud, two its smokey depending
     on which area you are in, three its probably LATE, and four just DON'T!

4.  Doctors are your friends.  If your little one is seriously ill go to the DOCTOR.  Yes, I know they
     cost money but baby's well being is probably more important.  Do not post on FB that they are
     losing weight, can't keep anything down & are lethargic and then ask for advice. My advice,  
     go...to...the...DOCTOR!  I get a "hey does this bug bite look funny" post...those usually aren't
     potentially fatal but anything else...FB isn't where you should be. 

5.  Don't smoke...near kids.  I mean I say don't smoke PERIOD but I get it...its an addiction and it
     sucks.  So just don't do it around the little ones (or me, thanks).  I want to stab people things when
     I see pictures (or in person) of parents and grandparents holding their little cancer sticks while
     holding a baby (or while PREGNANT!).  Their still developing bodies are already exposed to so
     much crap, why expose them to even more?!!?!?  We know so much now, why is this still
     happening?!?!?!

6.  Soft drinks are no bueno.  Yes, I have a Coke or Rootbeer now and then as a treat.  But if your
     boo boo is still young enough to be drinking from a bottle...they shouldn't be drinking
     coke...FROM A BOTTLE.  I know this happened in the 70's and 80's but I thought people knew
     better now.  There is a TON of sugar and lots of caffeine and the acidity alone can royally eff up
     your adult tummy & teeth if you drink too much.  So imagine what it could do to a child??? 
     Look, I had soft drinks as a kid and my littles have them too from time to time but its not a
     regular occurrence.  It is a rare TREAT and it is monitored closely by the parents.  And diet is  
     NOT better...that artificial sugar crap is bad....just give them a water or something. 
       
         a. This also applies to sports drinks.  Those things aren't meant for casual drinking...they are
             meant to replenish your body after a workout.  A 3 year old has no business drinking
             Gatorade regularly with dinner.   Water...or milk...even juice is better...

I know being a parent is hard and I'm not one so clearly I just don't understand...but like I said, somethings are common f**king sense.  And yes, education plays a huge part in this.  Lack of education, usually means lack of basic common sense.  You aren't taught it so you don't know any better.  But information is so readily available now, how can you be COMPLETELY in the dark.  Your kids are exposed to so many things out of your control...why on Earth would you purposefully expose them to "dangerous" things you can control?!!?!?

Rant over, NOLA Gurl out.

God, I feel like a broken record

How do people not realize their actions affect others???  How do PARENTS not realize their words shape their kids, sometimes more than their actions?!?!

As weird as my childhood was, I will give it to my parents, they really did allow me to try everything at least once.  I was tiny and "weak" but I tried out for EVERY sport, cheer leading, dancing, theater, choir, etc. until I found something I liked.  They never once told me things like "oh honey, you are too little for basketball".  Because you know what, I might have been a few inches shorter than most of my classmates BUT I could shoot the ball like no ones business.  Did I make the teams?  No, not all of them but I kept trying until I figured out what I was good at.  It ended up being dancing/choir.  That is where I excelled.  I was okay at some of the other stuff (soccer/cheering/gymnastics) but I was better at those two.  And my parents made me pick two things.  You can't do everything so pick what you enjoy most.  My point is, I never gave up and my parents never tried to stop me. They supported me, knowing I just needed to find my niche.  It didn't break my confidence, it made me more determined.

With that said I wanted to cry/scream the other day after hearing an exchange between a mom and daughter.  The little one couldn't have been more than 7.

Lil Bit:  *twirling around* Mom, when do I go back to gymnastics???
Mom: *uncertain* Well we didn't sign you up, but I guess we can...
Lil Bit: *excited* Well maybe I could do ballet instead!!!
Mom: *condescending* Honey, you have never danced a day in your life!
Lil Bit: *still excited* But I could try, I want to try dancing school *still twirling*
Mom: *sighing* Look, you aren't built like a gymnast or a dancer.  Those girls are expected to be tiny and you just aren't.  You are tall and a little thicker than those girls and you have big feet. You wouldn't do well in it.
Me: *staring with mouth open* 
Me: *quickly trying to hide my displeasure with this conversation*
Lil Bit: *looks crushed* But *insert names of 4 friends* are in dancing and about my size.
Mom:  Well their moms should have thought that through
Me: *mortified*
Mom: Now no more talk about things we can't do, okay *hugs kid*
Lil Bit: *unshed tears* Okay mom *walks away*
Me: *carefully speaking because I am always reminded I don't understand because I have no kids* Ummm, maybe she could try dancing school. . .
Mom: No, I don't want her disappointed when she fails
Me: *stupid stare*

What the hell?!!?!?  Why would you do that to your daughter?!!?!?  It's dancing school.  There isn't a try out...you just sign up!!!!  Telling her she CAN'T do something because of her body type...she is f**king 7!!!  You are going to give her body image issues!!!  FYI, she isn't big either.  Yea, she is a little tall for her age but she isn't BIG.  Not that it should matter but my point is, OMG!  She is already at a disadvantage in life because she is a girl because our society SUCKS! It is true, don't try to tell me different.  She needs all the self assurance she can get.  But cutting her down without letting her try...just assuming she would fail...you are a female, you KNOW how hard it is.  I can't form proper sentences to describe how awful this is!   This isn't protecting her...this will cause way more harm than good.  She will forever think she can't do things because she isn't built like everyone else!  JFC you are supposed to teach her to embrace her body not to feel self conscious about something she can't change!

Special kind of stupid

Is that like the "...special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater"?  For some reason I feel like saying you are a "special kind of stupid" is way more insulting than yelling "Hey dumb@$$". 

Moving on...I saw this...this is what brought on that random thought

And while it makes me feel a bit old, it is kind of true.  I remember watching OLD Looney Tunes cartoons (I say old because by the time I saw them, some had been out for 40+ years) but I don't remember ever thinking "Hey, let me go light a STICK OF DYNAMITE (or firecracker) by my friend here *LOL*".  My momma taught me better than that, just sayin'. Apparently even by the time I saw them they were severely edited (toooooo much violence and racial issues).  Well it says that in the Wiki Bio but I clearly remember charterers depicting stereotypes (American Indians, Speedy Gonzales, etc) and every scene with Wile E. Coyote was fairly violent *drops an anvil on his own head*. 

Point being I don't think what was shown really affected my young mind.  I didn't want to become violent nor did I think all Mexican's ran around saying "Andale, andale, arriba, arriba".  Not saying they are appropriate but I still had the mental capacity (even at a young age) to know it was just a cartoon...entertainment...it wasn't teaching me life lessons.  It just seems like as the years go by we become more dependent on OTHER people to tell us "hey that's a bad idea" rather than having the intelligence to know "Oh $hit, this is a bad idea" and not do it.  Don't get me wrong, I did STUPID $hit as a kid but I KNEW it was stupid and did it anyway.  And I usually got my @$$ beat for doing it (if we got caught) and we NEVER did it again.  But it wasn't "blowing people up" or "hitting them with a frying pan".  It was leaving the neighborhood when I said I was going around the corner or jumping out of a tree into a pool.  Not my best moments but as I did them I was like "oh crap, I'ma be in SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much trouble if I get caught".  But in my head it was a calculated risk.  Will the fun outweigh the consequence.  If yes, continue...if no..DON'T.  Also, there was a factor of, how high is the possibility of injury...if too high "abort, abort".  Point is kids will do stupid $hit without cartoons, it is up to us to keep them in line.  Maybe its a parenting thing.  Maybe they are relying too much on the TV and "others" to teach their spawn instead of actually teaching them, themselves...I dunno. 

For instance, I read somewhere someone DRANK an entire bottle of hair product because it "smelled" like food and he was hungry.  He was hospitalized for toxicity or something.  Not a kid...a grown @$$ person (like in his 20's) who as far as we could tell had no mental issues and wasn't high (I mean it's possible but the news outlet didn't say that and I am pretty sure that would have been mentioned).  And all I could think was "you, you are the reason we have warning labels on shampoo bottles".  It's like common sense has become a special "gift" that not everyone has and I am not sure how it happened but I want to know how to fix it.  I hope IF I have kids I am able to teach them to THINK things through on their own (the key word there is THINK).

Side Note:  I'm not picking on Looney Tunes, they are the ones depicted.

Cutest conversation EVER!

So I slept over at my nieces' house the other night and can I just say she is an observant little thing.  Promptly at 8AM, they were told they weren't allowed to bug their Aunty until after 8:00, I was attacked by two little rug rats.  The older one immediately grabbed my iPad and started playing something.  The younger one started babbling.  Nothing new there, once you get her talking, there is no stopping her.

I was helping the older one with a game when my brain registered what the little one was saying...mainly because she said my name really loud (as in she realized I wasn't fully paying attention).  So I, of course, turned to her and said "sorry munchkin, what were you saying?"

Conversation:
Lil Bit: I SAID 'guess what I watched this morning while you were sleeping?'
Me: Ummmm no idea, What?
Lil Bit: *exaggerated sigh* I was watching Doctor Who!
Me: Oh, really?!?!  What made you watch that?
Older One: *slowly turning head* Whyyyyy was she watching Doctor Who...?
Me: *Shrug*
Lil Bit: *getting really excited* I was flipping through the channels and I saw it on, so I watched it
Me: Oh cool! Did you know that is one of my FAVORITE shows?!?
Lil Bit: Um, yea *rolling eyes*
Me: Oh...how...did I tell you...how did you know that?
Lil Bit: *almost yelling with excitement* Duh! You have a T.A.R.D.I.S. on your car!
Me: *shocked* How...wait...you know what the T.A.R.D.I.S. is?
Lil Bit: Not important, BUT I didn't watch the whole show because I got scared *frowny face*
Me: *thinking* "not important...?" Ummm yea...sometimes, it can be a little scary but the Doctor will always save the day!
Lil Bit:  But there were these people and they were sick and and they wanted to touch everyone...and there was a cat nurse, I liked the cat nurses, and the Doctor was in this place with this pretty blonde girl and they were really cute, I like her, and and the scary people were so close so I turned it off.
Me: Oh, yea I know that episode.  I know they were scary but they were just scared too, they wanted help but they didn't know how to ask for it...but ya know what, The Doctor saved them all!
Lil Bit:  Even the pretty blonde?
Me: Especially the pretty blonde!
Lil Bit:  I love The Doctor!  I want to watch more of it.  He's like a superhero!!!!!
Me:  Yea something like that *big cheesy smile*
Older One: *still looking mystified* You...you like Doctor Who, too?!!?!?  
Me:  Yessss.... *raised eyebrow*
Older One:  *vibrating with excitement* I watch it on Netflix!!! Me and my friends can't wait to see the newer ones.  We didn't know it came on regular TV too!
Their Mom: Why are we so excited in here?!?  Leave your Aunty alone, you little boogers!
Me:  It's fine
Lil Bit:  I want to watch MORE Doctor Who!!!
Their Mom: *Confused face* What...? *looking at me* is that okay for them to watch....?
Me: Weeeeeell while it can be a little scary sometimes *ahem*, Don't Blink, *ahem*
Older One: *giggling hysterically*
Me: *wink* It can be scary sometimes, most of time its very silly BUT there is no Sexy Stuff, they don't curse, its a family show for the most part.  It's no worse than what they would see on shows like Star Trek (she's a Trekkie) or watching NCIS/CSI with you.
Their Mom:  Oh okay, I just...okay...maybe you can come over and watch it with them!!!

How adorable is that?!?!  I have two little Whovians in the making and I had nothing to do with it!!!  Love it!

If you are a friend of Jesus, you'll be quiet

Sing that to the tune of "if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands."  I actually used this recently with some kids I really don't know who were about to drive me up a wall.  Thankfully they were just as scared as I used to be that Jesus would think I didn't want to be his friend unless I stopped talking.  I mean, you don't want our Lord and Savior saying "*sigh* little Johnny there wouldn't stop whispering to Susie.  Guess he isn't my friend after all *sniffle*."

Seriously though,  these few words could silence an entire assembly in seconds.  Picture a sweet looking nun standing in-front of the school assembly singing that in the most lovely Spanish accent with her hands clasped in front of her.  Of course, this same sweet little nun could put the fear of God in you with just a look.  And I am not talking about a mean look.  She would look at you with a sweet smile and shining eyes and correct you.  Then you suddenly felt like the most awful child on the planet, "oh no!  Why did I do _____?!?!?".  Even if it was something as silly as using the last of the craft glitter and now no one else can make a shiny snowman.  "Dear God, I am a horrible 9 year old!"  

There were different variations also..."if you are a friend of Jesus, you'll sit down." or "if you are a friend of Jesus, you'll line up to go to lunch" or "if you are a friend of Jesus, you'll stop hitting the little girl you think is cute." Okay maybe the last two are a me being silly (or maybe not).  But I can tell you 99.99999% of the time all good little Catholic kids at my school would IMMEDIATELY stop whatever they were doing that could make them not a friend of Jesus.  It was freaking GENIUS!!! 

Anyway, apparently I learned quite a lesson from her.  When kids are misbehaving tell them Jesus wont be their friend unless they stop.  Voila, perfect little angels...muahahahaha.  My luck I will say this one day and some little $hit will be like, "good thing I worship the prince of darkness" to which I will throw salt and holy water on said child, a la Winchester style and hope I am not sued by the parents when the little booger starts sizzling.