So like do I need to do a blood sacrifice or can I just light a candle?

I don't drive as much as I used to but holy crap other drivers are just as bad or possibly even worse!

The other night I was driving back to my temporary home very late.  It was dark and a little misty/humid but mostly a clear night. As I was approaching my exit I noticed a car weaving in and out of lanes a decent ways behind me.  I remember thinking, "what a moron!" as I pulled over into the exit lane.  The exit was backed up a bit so I was completely stopped.  I heard squealing tires and glanced up just in time to see a dark mass flying towards me.  It took a split second for my brain to process that the dark mass was in fact a car skidding sideways down the interstate and it was going to hit me.  All I could think was "oh $hit, this is gonna hurt".  I managed to kickstart my brain enough to cut the wheel towards the shoulder and gun it.  It all happened so quick but somehow the skidding car managed to regain control and missed me by mear millimeters.  She slowly went past me at about 5 mph and looked terrified.  I on the other had was wondering where the screaming was coming from and who $hit my pants. 

After I had a few sips of Whiskey and managed to finally get my heart rate below 150 bpm I began thinking.  She missed me by a HAIR!  Had I not managed to move the car ever so slightly to the shoulder I would have been CREAMED by a car flying sideways at about 70 MPH and I was at a complete stop.   

Exactly three days later in a steady rain I went to buy a last minute gift at lunch.  We are having our normal southern winter where it's either humid and 90 degrees or raining and 40 degrees.  It's super fun.  At least it's not snow/ice!  As I was driving in the RAIN, going the speed limit, I noticed some @$$hole tailing me.  I couldn't go anywhere but they insisted on just riding my @$$.  I couldn't see their headlights but could plainly see a giant Trump Flag & American flag flying above the roof.  Unfortunately they were also turning so they were tailing me into the shopping center.  When it opened to two lanes they gunned it passed me.  

They immediately lost control of their jeep, swerving into my lane. We were going maybe 30mph....I managed to slow down as I watched this jeep barely miss my front bumper, over-correct, and completely spin out.  

They ended up doing multiple doughnuts in the road and flying off into the grass.  Mind you there were other cars, signs, & posts everywhere, yet somehow this @$$hat managed to not hit anything.  The wheels rutted into the grass, yet again the lucky bastard didn't flip.  They were stuck but thankfully didn't hurt themselves or anyone else.  

In a few days I was almost clobbered twice by a reckless driver.  I feel like I should just stay home.  

Ya know Math just isn't for some people......

But those people maybe shouldn't work in the accounting or billing dept.....

Look I get it. I have besties who sometimes the numbers just don't click.  And its okay.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But when you work with money or better yet OTHER people's money, you should have a basic understanding of numbers. 

If you are AP or AR you should know that a number in parentheses is a negative.  A negative number...is a credit.  A credit should be SUBTRACTED from a total not added to it.  

You should also understand what "billing cycle" means.  And most times a billing cycle is billed AFTER the cycle ends.  So if say your billing cycle run from 11/11-12/10 and is due on the 1st of the following month.  That would mean they are due on 1/1....right?  Right.  This would also mean that the next billing cycle (12/11 - 1/10) would be due on 2/1, right? Right.  

So if you were me and got a bill for 11/11 - 12/10 AND 12/11 - 1/10 saying they are BOTH due on 1/1 you would have an issue, right?  How can you bill me for 12/11 - 1/10 when we are still in the middle of said billing cycle?!?!

Apparently that was confusing to the poor AR person I was speaking with.  He tried but he tried wrong.  He tried to make me feel stupid, tell me I needed to ADD the (12.66) to my total not SUBTRACT it, and mansplain how billing works.  That works never with me.  I was kind until he tried to make me feel dumb and spoke down to me.  

At that point I was not kind.  I didn't yell.  That isn't my style.  I started asking questions making him realize he was not in the right...to the point that he finally gave in and got his manager.  What was worse, that manager did the same thing, well he tried to.  Then when he realized I had a brain he told me to call in to customer loyalty tomorrow since it was clear my billing was incorrect and he didn't have the authority to pull the detail to actually help me.  

If you can't help someone that's okay BUT don't treat them like $hit, make them feel inferior, or speak down to them just to make yourself right.  That is crap customer service and you should not be in that position.  

Never alone in an empty house

Still displaced.  if you read my posts back after we flooded (2012/2013) you know how much I fought with insurance companies.  This time insurance hasn't been...as bad (not fun still) but I can't get a f**king contractor to give me a f**king quote to save my life!!!!!

Anyway, this means we still aren't home.  Since its still spooky season, I'll share some....fun.

So we know the persons here before us passed...unexpectedly.  Honestly we thought nothing of it....they passed many many months ago. 

We'd been here a week with nothing and just settling in.  But I started to notice sometimes I couldn't find little bit.  She's been glued to me since Ida (I think she has PTSD).  When I went serch for her she would be sitting....alone....in front of a recliner.  *hmmm odd*.  She'd see me and come running.  What got me was one day I heard her whining, not scared or in pain but like she was trying to get my attention...except she wasn't with me. *weird*.  When I found her she was sitting...looking at a chair.  She had her ball in her mouth, head cocked to one side, wagging her tail.

I got the frisons!  She saw me, looked back at the chair then came to me.  *WTF DOG?!?!*  This happens fairly frequently.  

Moving on.  I heard Speedy barking in the other room.  I went to check it out.... he had put his ball....in the CHAIR and was barking at it....like he does with us when he wants to play!!!

*freaking out*

Same chair turns.  I don't mean "cool, it swivels".  I mean we wake up and its facing the window.  Or we come home from the store and its angled to the TV.  I kept saying, clearly the pups are bumping it but sometimes it happens and well...they are locked up or with us and I just don't know. 

I was here alone one afternoon and went to get some water in the kitchen.  I was suddenly and inexplicably overcome with emotion.  I was fine before, watching TV.  Then I burst into tears.  My heart ACHED.  I was completely overcome with crippling sadness.  I left the kitchen...and was fine *WTF*.  That....it was crazy. 

Hubs was here alone one night in the bedroom when the puppers went bat$hit!  He opened the door to let them out.  He said Speedy rounded the corner and started backing up howling.  He thought for sure a burglar was in the place.  It was empty but Speedy REFUSED to go down the hall....

I woke up one night to Demon Spawn sitting near the edge of the bed purring and rubbing her head against...nothing...just air...  I...I'm just gonna pretend I didn't see that.  But I sure did snuggle back into the hubs. 

I don't feel scared or threatened but I also don't feel alone... so how on Earth I managed to live in a house with Spirits and have somehow found a temp house with...spirits is beyond me.  

I'm really tired of being "part of historical events"!!!!

Okay so I know I went MIA but its been a wild month. 

We are alive (yay!!!).  We are YET AGAIN displaced (Boooooo!).  Do not start with the whole "you live in hurricane ally what did you expect" bull$hit.  Yes I know we live where hurricanes happen.  I hate it but there are natural disasters everywhere and we usually can at least, prepare.  

But there was no time this time.  Ida went from a "oh look a 'storm'" to "Holy $hit RUN!"

No lie.  I've said it many times.  I get gut feelings.  I know most people do but I am not one to overreact.  Anyways, I was only ever fearful of one storm.  There was only ONE that scared the beejesus out of me and I cried to get my grandfather to leave his house, and that was Katrina.  All the others in between I was like "meh".  

But this one was different.  The path, the concern of the meteorologists, the WARM gulf.  And it was quick.  There was no TIME.  We heard about her on a Monday as a "little" something headed to the gulf and by Friday you could see the fear everytime the weather came on. 

I did what I always do.  I prepped my house, prepped my customers, and got ready to hunker down.  But as the days went on I started getting scared.  Like legit terrified.  By the time Friday came around my nerves were shot.  Work had me frazzled and well so did the path and strength.  Every advisory it ticked more towards us and got way stronger.  The hubs and I kept saying we were staying but as the day went on we both became even more concerned.  We said we will make the decision tomorrow to leave.  

Saturday morning was grim. They weren't saying get out but they were.  It was strong.  It was coming for us.  We were on the "bad side".  Words like total devastation and loss of life were said but we were still a little further east of the biggest concern.  But every advisory was more and more concerning.  Around 9AM, I booked a last minute hotel in Florida just in case.

We waited until 10PM advisory Saturday night.  We had already prepped the house and packed up some bags.  At 10PM they said "your window to leave is almost closed.   This storm is showing no mercy."  They were now predicting a strong Cat 4, 140 MPH winds and she moved more East.  They were saying she could very well be stronger than that.  I got scared...like started shaking scared.  My gut said we have to leave.

So we packed the car, loaded the animals, secured the house as best we could, and went to leave.

*tick tick tick tick* no no no no *tick tick tick tick*.  I am at my wits end.  The car wont start.  I don't generally panic but I was on the verge.  We need to leave.  Every fiber of my being said we have to leave NOW!  But it wont turn over!!! I was about to lose it. 

Thank God, my tiny old car was able to jump our bigger vehicle so we could GTFO.  We left her behind and started our journey.  We barely spoke because we were so scared.  What if we break down on I10 and become a statistic?!?!!?  We had to stop to pee and let the pups out but were scared to turn off the car.  He ran from 11:30PM until 7:30AM!!!  

No it didn't take us that long to get there but we couldn't check in at first.    So we drove up and down beach hwy until the front office opened.  Check in wasn't until 4PM but when I walked in and the lady about crumbled.  She told me to come back at 7:30 and she'd have a room for me.  I must have looked a fright!  At that point I had been awake for over 24 hours and it's not like I slept well Friday night...

We tried to nap after checking in but our nerves were shot and we were passed the point of exhaustion.  We watched helplessly as Ida approached the coastline. We had been up for 36 hours before we finally crashed.  

Sleep wasn't long because my phone started blowing up.  We had friends and family still in the area that didn't leave.  We eventually lost contact.  It was the most harrowing 24 hours until we found everyone safe and mostly unscathed. 

She battered SE Louisiana for something like 15 hours.  My area  had 155 MPH sustained winds for I don't know how long.  I'm not on the coast...she STAYED strong WAAAAAAY far inland.  I watched my camera until the power went out.  Before it did I watched something slam into my car.  Ida had just made landfall....I wasn't sure what I was going home to.

What year is it?!?

 

I don't know what is in the water but holy crap I have never experienced so much chauvinism in ONE week. 

I am a professional.  I have been in various business roles for many many years.  I am intelligent.  I....am a threat...what?!?  Why is it.  WHY IS IT that if me, a female, shares an idea its $hit on but when a male shares the same or similar, its praised?!?!?  I literally said the same thing.  

Also, the fragility of these older men I work with is eye opening.  I am not being critical just trying to express my ideas.  Why can't I express my ideas without being put down?  Why do older men think they can just talk over me when they don't like what I have to say!?!?  To the point where I was like "can I finish answering your question before you start speaking again...please?"  It was so bad I had people messaging me after the call about how bad it was.  Its great and all that they noticed but why was everyone quiet?!?!  Almost no one came to my defense.  You know why?  Because half of them were also female and they are scared to LOSE THEIR JOB for speaking up.  Do you know how f**ked up that is?!?!  The other men on the call...I will give it to a couple.  They did try to back me up a little but when he went after them they shut up quick.  What sucks is my idea isn't bad.  It would be a win win for everyone if we can get it implemented.  The problem is it gets rid of a bunch of manual processes HE created.  Instead of being open minded he pitched a fit to make sure HIS WAY stayed in place, even if its antiquated.  

Also, come to find out a woman who quit two weeks ago found out she was paid $20,000 LESS than her male counterpart.  Same years of experience, same education, same track record for the most part.  But he was paid more and treated her like his own personal secretary even though they had the same job.  Then he had the nerve...THE NERVE to ask her for a reference because he thinks his time is limited.  Why you ask...well because after she left they realized she was doing everything and he is basically a sentient paperweight.  

Again,....

Then I was at an event with some friends and acquaintances.  Not too many people and not inside (COVID!!!).  Anyways, one of the ladies I don't know as well was leaving, kinda early.  When someone asked her why she was bugging out so soon she said she had to get home.  Okay I know for a fact all of her kids have already left for college so no kiddies but okay.  She said she needed to get home to cook dinner.  Okay......  I mean whatever we all have stuff we do but you never go out with everyone....

She reluctantly said well, her husband requires her to be home every night no later than 6:30 so she can cook him dinner.  If she goes out or works later, she still needs to be home to cook because "he gives her off on the weekends".  WHAT!!??!!?  She is a working woman.  Why does she have to leave an event to cook him dinner?!?!  He works from home.  I...WHAT IS HAPPENING?!!?  One of the guys jokingly said what happens if you don't cook M-F?  She said, it's not worth the fight, plus she does have off those two days.  

He is a grown @$$ man.  He can't cook dinner ONE week night so his wife can have a night out....?

We have a 2319!!!!

So me and wildlife are at odds.  I enjoy nature and have a respect for all creatures but can they just stay out of my yard?!?!

Speedy has been hell bent on investigating our pressure washer.  It's just an old washer that doesn't even work.  Honestly we need to junk it.  Well I now know why!  I couldn't find him one night around 12-ish and lil bit came running all nervous.  

He had caught ANOTHER opossum!!! It was mid-sized and not moving.  I managed to drag him away and throw him inside before going back with a flashlight.  

When I got semi-close, I saw it was breathing but before I could get closer I heard a bunch of yelling inside.  I went a running and discovered my Speedy spazing out and rubbing his face all over the sofa & carpet and sneezing.  He was full of drool but otherwise seemed fine.  

I went check the tiny invader again.  I poked it with a stick, it hissed and looked at me.  That's when I saw them.  This creature was INFESTED with fleas!!!! I could see them running all across its face.

I sprinted back inside to see Speedy yet again rubbing at his face.  I yelled FLEAS!!!!

Mind you the dogs and cat are treated and so is the yard but again opossum was INFESTED!

I grabbed his face and saw one run under his eye. 

He got a midnight bath.  I let the flea shampoo sit on him.  They were fleeing in the bubbles. 15 fleas (that I counted) came off of him!!!  

After him, lil bit got bathed because...well she was with him.  I counted 8 on her *screaming*.

Hubs was midnight vacuuming...everything. 

The next day they were itching.  I used a flea comb and pulled numerous fleas off of BOTH OF THEM. 

More baths!!!!!!!!!

We treated the yard AGAIN. And I "flea bombed" the house.  

They must have had 3 baths each and each time MORE FLEAS. 

It took a good week for no more fleas to show on the pups and me not to feel like things were crawling on me all the time.  

Hello Clarice...*stfeep stfeeep ftfeeep*

Maybe I need to change my diet because these are getting out of control. 

Buckle up it's long....

I'm walking into a small but very well lit bar.  There was one bartender.  He was cleaning a glass (how movie-esque).  He looked at me and said "what the f**k is she doing here?!" 

That's when I noticed I walked in with someone.  It was an older man but not old.  He was very...mafia looking.  But he was fit not fat, and nice looking.  He said "she is my assistant.  Where I go, she goes!" The bartender threw a glass and said "I don't need another f**king chick to babysit".  

Um Excuse...?!  I glared at him but he was cleaning up the mess.  I mean what the hell is his problem?!? All I noticed was he was tall, fit-ish, and dirty blonde hair and very grumpy. A lady came down the stairs, wait...stairs...?  Now I am in a house...a HUGE house not a bar.  But the small bar with tender is still there.  The bar is beveled glass and lit up blue (classy).  Moving on, the lady.  She ran over to me...well as best she could in ridiculous heels...and gave me a tight hug. 

She was the boss' wife and apparently the other "chick" the bartender was talking about.  

I don't recall much but I know I was doing a lot with money and books.  I went everywhere with the boss or his wife.   The bartender warmed up to me a little but was still quite an @$$.  We fought ALL THE TIME.  He clearly didn't like me. 

I know I talked to the boss about some weird transactions that concerned me.  He told me its business. Okay....  It jumps and I see a hidden safe with, are those thumb drives...? And documents...and stacks of money...?!?  

The wife and I were "friends" but I didn't trust her.  Something was off.  

I am arguing with my new nemesis when the front door explodes into splinters.  I hit the ground hard and there is a weight on top of me.  I hear yelling and chaos.  My eyes are watering and I'm coughing (is that tear gas?!?). My frenemy is on top of me.  He's yelling "don't f**king touch her.  She doesn't know anything.  She's just a nanny!"  What...?  

I am yanked roughly to my feet with my hands bound behind me.  My boss is being led out in cuffs, the bartender is in cuffs, I AM IN CUFFS, but the wife is not.  She is talking to an FBI agent *WTAF?!?!?!* 

I'm in a sleazy hotel with some agents, bossman, bartender, and another person.  We are now tasked with getting my boss safely to the airport to testify.  He's in cuffs and a bullet proof vest and is terrified.  He said someone on the inside is selling info to dirty cops/agents and he is the sole witness. 

We are walking to a decked out Jeep.  The bartender is trying to keep me from going.  He is insistent it's too dangerous. I said, "Sorry dude, I part of this now, I HAVE TO GO, besides what does it matter to you?!?!" He grabbed me roughly by the arm and bent down in my face, "Because I F**KING CARE about you!"...."oh".

We pile into the jeep.  That other guy is driving, he's very italian and a bit heavy, boss man in the passenger seat, me and bartender in the back.  I tried to scootch all the way over but am grabbed and belted into the middle seat, "yo WTF?!?". He sits next to me and puts an arm around me *ummmmm*. 

I'm in a suit (WTH).  It's super uncomfortable.  I am really nervous.  Bartender is holding me tight and whispering something in my ear.  I don't know what but I teared up and shivered. I leaned in closer to him. We are making our way to the airport when we are forced off the road by two black SUVs.  Everyone is panicking.  The agents aren't responding on the radio.  We are under an overpass in gravel. Everyone in the car is yelling and not listening to me.  Bullets are pinging off the outside of the jeep (is it bulletproof?!).

I grabbed a remote looking thing from my purse and smash the button.  Fireworks go off outside and the assailants seek shelter.  I cold cock the driver in the face and scream for everyone to get the f**k out.  As we are running towards a fence bartender is like "WTF?!?"  Someone is shooting at us.  I pull a glock out of my waistband (what is happening?!), turn around and open fire on the jeep.  I hear the driver yelling, "you double crossing b**ch!"  One bullet hits home and a tire explodes knocking him over.  

We are in a cabin.  It's just me, bossman, and bartender.  I am trying to secure the place.  They are freaking out and looking at me like I grew a second head.  I finally introduce myself as a special agent.  I was undercover as his assistant but realized the corruption at the FBI and flipped.  I am pinned against a wall with a very angry bartender in my face.  I kick him in the baby bags and pin him with an arm behind his back.  

I say to my boss "your wife is in bed with the corrupt agents.  I didn't know who I could trust anymore.  We are laying low until my contact gives the all clear".  Bossman is freaking about the collapse of his empire.  I release my bartender and open the hidden safe (AH HA!).  I realized what the wife was up to and collected evidence on her, the corrupt agents, and stashed lots of cash.  I transferred the businesses out of their names and made him the primary owner with me as an advisor (just in case, *shrug*).  

My boss is giving me the most ridiculous bear hug but the bartender is still pissed.  "ow ow ow".  I was shot.  I had a vest on so mainly bruised ribs but I had a hole in my bicep (OW!).  He says give the bartender some time to process.  

I had the suit jacket and vest off and the white button up half off trying to clean my arm.  Its bleeding a good bit and is very painful.  Someone is yelling, grabbing my hand. "Don't do that! Are you stupid?!? Do you even know what you are doing?!  You probably need stitches!".  My bartender... he's still pissed and red from the neck up. He looks like he's already showered. He gently takes my arm and begins to clean it.  "Mother F**ker!!!".  He glares at me.  Dude what...it hurts!  

He numbs it a little with whatever I had in a kit and stitches my arm.  Mind you I can still 100% feel this and it doesn't feel great. Bossman comes to check on me and smiles.  No no no, don't do that sir.  He winks and walks out. Oh come on!  Once he's done, I say I need a shower.  

Before I can walk away he rests his forehead against mine and says "You could have told me".

I start to look up..... and gasp for air.

Suddenly I can't breathe. WTF?!?!  I jolt awake to a cat...ON MY FACE!

Sometimes I don't fit in...and that's OKAY!

I am not here to debate gun control.  But you cannot deny those types of shows attract a certain...type of people....

So I went to a "Weapons" show.  Not because I needed anything but because I was asked to please go.  Now I had something else to do after so I was WAY over dressed for this.  I felt like some kind of Malibu Barbie walking in all made up.  

Everyone was in camo, anti Biden, pro Trump, anti government, anti wife, misogynistic, attire.  I am not exaggerating.  Soooo many signs saying "don't worry what your wife will say, buy the gun".  Ha ha.  Okay *rolling eyes*.  

Now I am not trying to say I am like some blonde goddess or something but I'm cute.  I have never had so many people just open mouth stare at me.  Like blatantly stare.  I mean clearly out of place and overdressed but at least try to not STARE.  It was making me uncomfortable!  Anyways what pissed me off was how irresponsible people were. 

1. COVID is still a thing people.  Delta Variant is happening. Can we try and not spread it?  Based on the attire and attitude I am guessing most people here were not vaccinated.  I was masked up because people be gross yo.  But not many other people were and although I gots the shot, I am not taking any chances. 

2.  I watched a women COUGH LOUDLY into her hands, then pick up a handgun and hand it to a customer to look at

3. Everytime I passed one of those "self defense" booths MEN would zap a taser near me  One time I about jumped out of my skin he said "see you need one.  and look it's a nice girly purple!".  'scuse you!

4. I was looking at some pocket knives for when I go fishing and was told more than once "you don't want that one, you could hurt yourself.  Here look at this pretty pink one".  Oh you can just f**k off, sale lost. 

5. Did I mention the taser zapping people?!?!?!  Another guy did it, tried to hand me the taser, then said "I could have gotten you and you wouldn't have known what happened"  Then zapped it again. WTAF man?!?!  I'm going to zap you in the balls if you do that again!

6.  CHILDREN!  I have no issues with kids learning about things and safety and stuff.  But I watched a woman looking at a bracelet on a table while her 4 year old was standing there waving a dagger she had picked up.  I stammered out some sort of "Ummmm, she has a knife" and mom freaked a little and took it away.   

            A. In that same vein, I saw another very young child pick up a glock and point it at me, then start                     giggling.  Now I know NOTHING is loaded but that is 100% not cool!!!!!    

I've been to shows before and have no issues with weapons but this one was...it was weird.  It felt...it just didn't feel right.  It was concerning...

Kiss the girls with a dash of stockholm

I really do have vivid dreams sometimes....

The first thing I remember is waking up in a dingy, but bright luxury hotel room.  I feel woozy and can't focus on much but I remember lots of white decor and red roses in a vase.  My arms hurt and I am really really thirsty.  I hear a man's voice to my left but can't understand him.  As my brain tries to make sense of what is happening, I hear the voice again. "Aye lass, you finally joining the land of the living?" in a thick Scottish accent.  

Adrenaline shot through me and I realize my arms were tied above my head, I am on a bed, and am lacking much clothing so I'm very cold. I started to struggle but every movement caused a searing pain in my shoulders. *how long have I been tied up?!?* "Oi quit squirmin or ya may pop a shoulder".

I tried to relax but I was freaking out.  When I tried to talk my throat was on fire and I winced.  "That's whatcha get fer scremin lik a banshee".  I squeezed my eyes shut *This can't be happening*.  

I am in a bath washing off.  It hurts to move and the soap burns my cuts & scrapes, but I feel so unclean.  I was crying but not vocalizing.  I had a knot on the back of my head and a busted lip.  My eyes still can't focus well, but I know the tiles in the bathroom are turquoise. *what happened?!?*

My captor(?) comes in with a towel and says I've been in there long enough.  As I stood to get out the world went sideways and I started to fall.  He caught me before I hit anything, "Dun do that, now! Yer no gud to me dead." *What....?*

Its days(?) later and we are arguing.  He's yelling at me and calling me a "Numpty".  I'm yelling back, we need something other than Ramen Noodles and crisps!!! He's in my face and I finally register his look somewhat but still not clear.  I just can't see his features.  I know he's older, like later 50's maybe, gray/white hair cut short-ish, and he's tall...VERY tall. He finally concedes and leaves me locked in the room.  It's a gorgeous room but its a mess and seems small but not like a back highway motel.  

We are having dinner many days(?) later and its nice *wtf*.  We are eating on the floor from paper plates but its a steak dinner with wine.  Well I had wine he had something whiskey-esque...? His accent got thicker as he drank and he threatened me physically and verbally numerous times, grabbing my wrist roughly and shoving me while calling me all kinds of unsavory things.  He was passed out in a chair and I went to the bathroom to put on clothes that weren't Sexy Jammies so that I could escape.  I had the keys in my hand and was ready to steal his van.  But as I was about to leave I heard a voice scream in my head "Don't!!! He's not far gone enough and he will kill you."

Conflicted, I put the keys down and wandered over to him.  He grabbed my neck clumsily and asked why I put trousers on.  I croaked out I was cold and he threw me into a wall saying "Ye fecking c**t, yer lucky, damn lucky." and left. 

He's hurt, really really hurt and bleeding.  I don't know what happened but I'm...worried *WTF*.  He was struggling to dress his seeping wounds.  I started helping.  He screamed at me to "feck off" and I yelled back at him to shut up! So he let me take care of him.  After cleaning and dressing his more serious wounds, I was cleaning a gash on his forehead, he angrily asked me why I didn't let him just f**king die.  I couldn't answer because I should just let him bleed to death. "I....I don't know."

And that's when he gently touched my face *what?!?*. I could feel him staring at me. I was trying to really focus on the gash and not his piercing gaze. Once I had the butterfly suture things on and bandaged I sat back and realized he was still staring at me.  He seemed conflicted...scared and confused, like no one had ever shown him compassion before. 

We are lying facing each other in the bed, holding hands. We are clothed and he's still staring and caressing my hair. He kissed me gently on the lips. *gasp* Then on the forehead. "Oh love, I am so so sorry."

That's it....it ended....I woke up to crashing thunder and no power....

The * are my thoughts, not said out loud. Please forgive my weird "Scottish" typing...I'm sure its not accurate but the best I can figure. I think he was conjured from a character in a book I'm reading, although that character isn't a bi-polar abductor just an old angry Scotsman. 

Do you wanna know how I got these scars?

So obvi I love animals.  That much is VERY clear.  But sometimes I still want to punt @$$hole animals into traffic.  I would never do that but geeze do they push my buttons!

So not my cat loves to run off anything alive that tries to invade "her" territory. 

She's always there lurking out of sight and comes running when she thinks she is needed.  The ONE TIME she wasn't lurking nearby....I actually needed her!!!

I was in my front yard...minding my own business when some cat with a $hit attitude decided to pick a fight.  I am not scared of cats so my initial reaction wasn't fear but within a split second I realized "this mother f**ker about to attack me".

He/she hesitated but not enough.  They got near my face but I was already swinging my arm to block so I slapped the $hit out of it and it ran off.  In my shock I wasn't really sure what the f**k happened.  

I felt my nose running so I wiped it and saw blood.  Immediately my brain caught up and the pain shot through my nerves.  I ran inside only to see my face GUSHING blood.  

I tried to rinse it off but the blood kept coming.  I basically tried to drown myself in peroxide because at this point every scenario of stray cat issues was streaming through my mind. 

I called a nurse friend as I tried to staunch the flow.  She gave me some advice...because I live in the US and no matter what your political views are you have to admit our healthcare system is F**CKED UP!  So rather than spend $1,000+ at the ER/Urgent Care, I got basically the same care/advice from her, as long as the bleeding stopped and it didn't swell/get red. 

After scrubbing my wounds, stopping the bleeding, and putting treatment on them I got back to work 

Thankfully with my nurse's advice and constant attention, no infection and minimal scarring.   

I've not seen psycho kitty since but not my cat has been around.  And I tell her everytime I see her, where were you when I needed you!?!?!  I was attacked!!!!  And she purrs and demands scritches.  Dammit cat, if you are going to hang around at least be useful!

Waterboarding with Hand Sanitizer

Being the good fur momma I am, I make sure to get the babies their annuals.  Since I had some free time, I took Speedy to get poked and probed.  

I promised lots of love and treats after and he was such a good boy.  He wasn't barking at other dogs and he laid very patiently by my feet in the waiting room.  We were finally called into the room and ready for the doc.  

Since COVID they are not doing any of the work in the exam room, so he was promptly taken to the back.  

Let me clarify that this is far from him 1st vet visit and he has NEVER had issues in the past. 

About 5 min later the Vet came in looking concerned.  She said "when the tech touched his foot to trim his nails, he started flinging his body all over".  

Dr: Was he nervous in the waiting room?

Me: No...he was laying by my feet...

Dr: Did he get anxious when you came into the room...?

Me: No he was licking the Tech and being a big goober.

Dr: Hmmmm well he's...he's not being aggressive but he's kind of freaking out and I really am concerned he's going to hurt himself or head butt one of us....

Me: Oh no, I don't want him or y'all injured!  Maybe I can try calming him down.

Dr: Sorry....I can't bc of the protocols. 

Me: *blank stare* Ok...I understand...so now what...wait did you say he freaked when she touched his foot...?

Dr: Yes......?

Me: OMG...like 7 months ago he sprained his foot and we brought him in to make sure it wasn't broken....I guess he remembers.  

Dr: o_O Okay... well I guess the next step is he needs to be sedated...but not now.  He's too hyped up.  

So she left to get the pills and I get to bring him back....Yay *plfeet*

But that's not where this story ends.  

The tech brings him back in looking like she went through a tornado. *$hit*.  She hands the leash over and immediately I am slapped in the face with the most VILE smell you can imagine.  I actually gagged. 

Me: OMG you popped your butt!

Tech: Yea....its all over me

Me: OMG OMG I am so sorry!!!  

Tech:  It shot out like a cannon.  

Then she shrugged and left. *facepalm*

So there I am...in a TINY exam room...with a giant lap dog who just expressed his anal glands wagging his tail.  

I did my best to clean him off but my supplies were limited and I was gagging with watering eyes, like full gagging and normally I have a pretty strong stomach. 

The smell.  God the smell.  It's burned into my nostrils. It wasn't the normal fishy metallic smell.  Its was PUTRID.  Like something f**king died times a million.  But I couldn't leave because I needed the pills from the Doc.  She finally came back and was like "Whoa, buddy you are really traumatized". She's trying not to gag.  I have my tee over my face and he's just happy as a clam, trying to give the vet kisses (yo WTF Dog?!?!).

As I was paying, the smell was wafting into the reception area like some invisible toxic fog (F**k me).  Other pet owners are coughing but trying not to visibly react. I swear I saw eyes watering (Jesus Magee dog what came out of you?!?!).  The tech checking me out was like "oh he expressed them didn't he." Yes...Sorry!!!! She's like "no worries...I'm sorry...you have to ride home with him" (Double F**k me!!!).

So we get into my tiny car to head home.  I have the windows down.  The air on full blast but its so strong.  Like I am going to vomit any second strong.  So I improvised.  I found my handy dandy mask and I sprayed it with fruity hand sanitizer which seemed to help-ish.  

So there I am looking like a f**king psycho driving alone in my car with a mask on and the windows down. 

Oh and every few minutes I did my best impersonation of the War Boys spraying my mask with sanitizer to burn the smell from my nostrils.  

I got home, threw him in the yard, pulled the sheets out of my car & febreezed it, left the windows down, bathed his hind quarters thoroughly, stripped down nekkid in the garage, and took the hottest shower I could stand.  

Its DAYS later and I swear I can still smell it *gag*. 

A Pool party rave with a touch of fantasy

Lately I have been having the WEIRDEST Dreams. 

I was at a Warehouse party.  Because that is what people my age do...go to warehouse parties.  Anyways, I knew absolutely NO ONE which is always fun. It was daytime and very sunny outside.  There was a pool.  Again because there is always a luxury hotel pool at a Warehouse Party. *facepalm*

Suddenly I was serving shots wandering in and out.  Wait wait wait, why am I working now?!  There were palm trees.  WTF Kind of warehouse party is this?!?!   I looked down and I had on a bikini top and a grass skirt.  Jesus where am I?!?

I wandered into the warehouse which was basically a rave.  My top and skirt glowed neon along with a bunch of drawings on my body that seemed to be invisible ink reacting to  black lights.  Oh how 90's.... I was having fun being silly and serving drinks.  But I wasn't collecting money, just tips, so I guess just a server for a party.  

As I was working the crowd a shadow grabbed my arm.  WTF?!?  Ah not a shadow, a guy in a dark hoodie and dark pants.  He basically blended into the darkness except he had crystal blue kind eyes.  After I yelped out of fear he motioned for me to follow.  AND I DID.  What was I thinking?!?!

Off in a corner he looked very seriously at me and tried to tell me something but I couldn't understand what he said.  I told him I needed to get back to passing out drinks and went to refill my tray.  As I was flirting for tips (good lord) I would catch him watching me but he never approached again.  

It jumped and my "boss" came over to tell me I was done for the night.  I remember saying the party still had hours left and I wanted to get paid.  He said I would and then some but I was to put up my tray and go enjoy the party.  

So I did.  I had a froo froo drink with an umbrella and was leaning against the bar...BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW ANYONE.  I heard someone speak right next to my ear. *ahhhhhh* It was my hoodie...friend...?!?  

After the initial shock, I remember we were talking and laughing like old friends but I don't know about what. Someone nearby recognized him and he kinda freaked out.  He threw a blanket over us and we ran out of the "rave".  Where the hell did he get a blanket?!?!?

Next thing I know we are at the pool but its closed so it's just us.  The sun was low in the sky but it was still fairly light out and you could hear the beat of the music from the warehouse.   He led me over to a corner bench area with a huge red umbrella.  We heard people walking outside the pool area so we hid under the blanket which is totally normal around a pool...in the sun!  But it wasn't hot at all. 

We were whispering and laughing like a couple of goofy teens trying not to be seen when he kissed me.  It was very clumsy and awkward.  Like so awkward! But then we adjusted a bit tried again and it was just so sweet and gentle.  

The sun had set and we got up to sneak back into the rave for drinks.  He grabbed my hand to hold as we were walking and it was cold, like unnaturally cold.  When I looked down his arm was metal. Whaat?! He pulled me into the shadows and said "I tried to tell you".  How the f**k did I not notice a metal arm when we were giggling under a blanket?!!?!?!

Wait wait wait, rewind...how the f**k did I not notice that I was hanging out with Bucky Barnes all night?!?!? We were stopped just outside the Rave and he was hovering over me in my personal space but not threatening.  He was staring intently at me again, then smiled and said "Hi, my name is Sebastian." And I woke up!  I f**king woke up!  I have no idea what was going on.

WTF Brain?!?

Some things never change

So I am not unfamiliar with the "friendzone".  I have unfortunately dealt with more than my share of offended masculinity.  

With that said, I have been "friendzoned" by guys if that's what you want to call it but I wasn't....it was different.  Did it suck if I had a crush and they didn't reciprocate? Yes a little but I was also aware...weird...whatever enough to not get mad about it.  99% of the time I ended up insanely good friends with these people and their sig others.  

But when guys I knew were "friendzoned" they got offended.  I can't tell you how many "friends" I thought I had that were 100% only trying to f**king win me or even better...sleep with me.  Gross....can we think with the brain and not the pee pee for one sec.  Also I am aware that there are some girls who are the same.  They play the long game to "get the guy".  Seriously we need to evolve a bit more...  

Either way you slice it saying you were "friendzoned" is such a dick thing to say.  Being a jack@$$ to someone who doesn't share the same feelings for you is so primitive.  It sucks but come on.  You can't tell me the proper response to "I see you as a friend" is to call someone a whore or an @$$hole.  NO!  

Being a friend is not necessarily a bad thing.  Being a friend is sometimes one of the best things to happen.  I know the friend thing doesn't always work or isn't easy when unreciprocated feelings are involved but sometimes those end up being the best friendships once you get past those pesky emotions.  Because being a friend doesn't mean there aren't any feelings, it doesn't mean someone doesn't love or care for you, they just don't share that special attraction.  

Where did this come from?  

While out walking today, I overheard the below:

Guy 1: dude…come on…

Guy 2: what…? She sucks, okay!

Guy 1: man…that’s called the friend zone!!!

Guy 2: Wait, what? okay…and…?

Guy 1:  and..? And!? And it’s a BAD THING! That’s like a funeral for your d**k! 

Girl: ummmm y’all are both @$$holes and it’s clear why your in “that” zone 

I mean good on the girl for calling them out but how crappy that a young 20 something had to call out two other ADULTS for being buttheads.  

I ain't afraid of no Ghosts *gulp*

So I went on this Ghost Tour thingy.  Not in my hometown.  I don't like the hokey "dressed as Vampires" crap.  I want to hear stories and take pictures, I don't need a show.

So I was super excited to do this "normal" Ghost Tour.  The guide doesn't dress up, he looks like us.  He wants you to have an experience without forcing it.  It's fun and informative but you are walking around in the dark so its spooky-ish.

I've done this tour before and didn't really experience anything but I learned alot about the town we were in. The guide encourages you to take pictures but be respectful of the spirits. 

Anyways, at our last stop we were being regaled with a crazy history of the building.  Apparently one of the spirits there isn't very nice, especially to women but mostly he just throws things off of shelves.  I'm a skeptical believer.  I know something is going on behind the veil but I also try to see logic.  

Moving on, I was paying attention to the story when I got a little woozy.  Thinking I'd spent too much time in the sun and not enough water, I took a deep breath and ignored the feeling.  As the story went on I got nauseous but I just kept focusing on breathing.  Then I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out.  I've fainted from dehydration before and I thought that was what was happening.  I took a few deep breaths and it started to pass.  

Before I could tell the other half what was happening and without warning I was hit with such a strong wave of nausea I fell into a table to keep my balance.  The guide notice me struggling and asked if I was okay.  I tried to explain what was happening but my vision went wonky and started tunneling, before I could collapse on the floor, I sat in a chair. 

I was quickly guided out of the building and within seconds I was fine.  I kept saying I just need some water, I'm fine. But our guide feels like I was being attacked.  "Say what?!".  He said one of the spirits doesn't like women and he felt like he was draining my energy to harm me.  

Okay look I watch a lot of weird ghost shows and I've seen stories about being attacked but come on.  He said why else would I have recovered so quickly just leaving the building???  Because it was stuffy and I needed fresh air...?  The A/C was on in there! And it's hot and humid out here... Right...I dunno.  But I'm sure there is a logical explanation. 

I hope there is a logical explanation because the thought of some...thing unseen attacking me is f**king terrifying....

Nightmare Fuel!

A week or so ago it had been raining here in LA for like a week.  Not just a nice Spring shower in the afternoons.  We are talking about hell being unleashed on Earth.

The wind was so bad I thought my house was going to blow away.  It rained so much so fast my street looked like a river.  The thunder/lightening was so bad I had three animals vying to sleep on top of me because they were scared.  It was a fun week.

Thankfully this hell week is over...or so I thought. 

Since it's been raining so much, I've been having to put a lamp on in my office because it's so f**king dark. 

As I was sitting there trying get my day started I heard something.

Scratch scratch scratch

Scratch scratch scratch

I look in the direction I think the noise is coming from and....

On the tall lamp behind me inside the bowl shade there is a MASSIVE shadow.

I have somehow transported across the room.

I am now staring at this shadow trying to claw its way out of the lamp shade.

Its a bug who shall not be named and its dying and unable to get out, that I can see, but its still alive and I am losing my $hit!

So while whimpering like a fool I found a step ladder and some Raid.

I unplugged the lamp, then I created a swimming pool for my new friend. 

It disappeared into the bowels of the bowl and I figured it was dead.  I was creeping closer, when that mother f**ker suddenly went full Independence Day on me.

I screamed so f**king loud. 

Once I deemed it ACTUALLY dead I carefully put my lamp outside....trying not to freak out more and decided I needed a new one anyway....

And I still needed to work another 8 hours!!!!

I am so not amused

While I appreciate that it is being noticed my hard work is paying off...I still don't like the lecherous...almost threatening "cat call". 

After leaving one of my weekly workout groups I had to stop at the grocery for din din.  

I don't wear anything scandalous but its a dance class, my clothes are fitted. 

Mind you I was fairly gross as its a high intensity class and I was starving so I was focused on get in and out ASAP. 

As I was walking to the door I heard someone yell something.  100% thinking not for me I ignored it.  Then I heard it louder so I turned my head.  This man, who looked like he could have been my father, said something and grabbed his crotch.  

OMG ew!  I couldn't make out what he said (Mask) but his eyes......Ooooogy.  AND HE GRABBED HIS CROTCH!!!!

I had a mask on but I know he heard me say "gross!". So I started walking again and he yelled, something else...it sounded almost angry... I half turned and he said, with his mask off,  "if you don't want people to appreciate your tight @$$ you shouldn't wear tight pants!"

I'm sorry, what f**king year is it?!?!  Who says that?!?! 1.) Just NO! and 2.) I'm small-ish, I look like I'm like 12 when I'm in workout clothes and a baseball hat and it was dark... you sir are a f**king predator.

I just about sprinted to the door and he said something else angrily and I'm pretty sure part of it involved the work C**T, but I didn't turn back. 

After I shopped, I asked one of the employees to walk me to my car because I know he saw what vehicle I got out of and I was honestly concerned.  Thankfully the store took me seriously and asked me what he looked like.  Maybe they'll check the cameras, maybe not but at least I was safely escorted to my car, just in case. 

But now I almost don't want to go there alone again.  This is a nice store in a nice area with mostly nice people.  And this cum stain has tarnished it for me because what if he is a threat....what if he would have or would act on his disgusting comments...what if someone else isn't as quick to get help.  I don't know.  This is the BS females deal with and I f**king hate it. 

You want to look and maybe even wink...whatever but the threatening aggressive comments....I hate people. 

That is a scarf, not a shirt!

Okay look I know I am older and am fully aware I wore less clothing as a teen/college student.  I grew up in the 90's....we had a weird effing style, I know.  

But I want to know who is designing this crap now???  Its not consistent and its not flattering on anyone!  And no I was not shopping just in the Juniors section.

Most of the Cute shirts were not longer than right at the hips.  Many were WAY shorter.   Look I could probably pull off a crop top but I just don't feel comfortable wearing one anymore! I don't have tatas really but even the little bit I have would cause a shirt that hits at the waist to rise up with the slightest movement.  

Then there were the "other" shirts.  They were UGLY.  Like I don't mind flowers but the solid print of roses on a shirt was tripping me out.  Or the peasant crap.  Why is it no shirt or amish?!? And the colors were awful.  I like bright and fun....these were like 1970's green, orange, yellow....GAH!

Dresses have two options.  So short any motion would show the world your Oyster or Little house on the prairie.  There was no in between!  Here we have a potato sack that won't cover your peesh or a full coverage high neck potato sack that touches your ankles.... I just want a F**king sun dress that is flowy and looks cute and isn't SEE THROUGH!!  

And don't even get me started on the Shorts/Jeans.  What in the actual f**k is this "mom jean" fit crap!?!?!  I don't mind high waisted.  But high waisted with no shape really looks good on no one.  It makes me look like I have a gut, like no...just F**k  you!  I've worked very hard to not have a gut, I do not need a balloon belly pant.  The shorts are so high, they might as well add straps and make them a romper.

OMG and the rompers!!!! They look like the f**king jumpsuit Hannibal Lector wore in Silence of the Lambs. A few looked like they might be cute but they either had no shape or were shear!!!  Its a floor length potato sack made into pants with straps. Or here is a nighty, I made into pants. 

I know all generations hate the next generations style but I just want it to look good.  I don't care what people wear but can't we look good...PLEASE?!?!  Designers you are pissing off an ENTIRE generation because our options are dress like a monk, an old lady, or like teen.

I still want to look cute but not show my bits, is that too much to ask?!!?!?

I'm too old to become an Avenger!

To stay healthy and sane, I've started going on lunchtime walks.  Nothing intense just a quick jaunt in my neighborhood, maybe 1-2 miles.  It's actually quite cathartic.  I can escape the stress of the day and get some cardio. 

Today as I was mindlessly roaming the empty streets I suddenly felt a SHARP pain in my right bicep.  Like it was so bad I slapped myself because clearly I was being attacked.  

I had on a long sleeve shirt and fully expected to see a creature smooshed on my shirt or a bee or something.  When I looked nothing was there.  Hmmmm.  I rubbed my arm for a sec and it seemed fine so I continued on.  

The day was absolutely chaotic after I got back and I forgot about it.  Flash forward to shower time.  As I was scrubba dub dubbing I had a sharp pain in my arm.

When I looked I saw a fairly large "pimple" complete with a decent sized white head. 

I was careful as I cleaned it and the rest of me.  When I got out to better lighting I tried to examine it further.  It was warm and hurt to the touch.

As I was messing with it the white head came off and it started bleeding.

I am almost certain its a Spider Bite, so I cleaned it well, put ointment on it, and took a tylenol.  

Let's hope it's just a house spider or something my weird skin had a reaction to and I didn't walk into a more venomous creature....

UPDATE:

Next day, swelling is down A LOT but I can clearly see two tiny punctures so yea if I start literally climbing the walls, we know why.  

Is this a fever dream...without the fever...?

I don't know how we got here but here we are and it was weird. 

The first bit I remember was we were on vacation, like a group vacation.  There was a cabin/vacation house and a huge back area for camping, but it was fenced in sort of.  

I know I had a bunch of friends there but I don't recall any of them.  There were also some other groups with us which is weird but it was like a GIANT vacation home thingy.  

One night I was sitting outside around the dimming campfire REALLY late because I couldn't sleep and one of the other group persons wandered over.  Mind you there were literally people all over inside and tents in the "yard" then trees in the distance with small "sheds" scattered about.  I couldn't really see him because it was dark but I could tell it was a guy.  He sat down on the bench next to me, not close just near.  

We were sitting in silence when he said "I've been trying to figure out how to talk to you for the last couple days."  I recognized his voice but I was confused, I didn't speak just kind of looked over. 

He spoke up again and asked how I was doing as he leaned forward.  I saw his eyes.  I knew his eyes (and his voice) but his face was different.  But I knew in my dream it was a guy I dated in college.  Like one of those star crossed situations.  We cared deeply for each other but just met at the wrong time, it just didn't work.  Honestly had we met maybe a year or so later, my life probably would have been very different.  

Moving on, I was shocked.  We haven't talked in years.  So we started chatting.  I don't remember any thing we spoke about but as time passed we had gotten closer. Finally we realized it had been hours and figured our spouses would be worried so we parted ways.  

Over the next couple nights we had an unspoken "date" around the campfire.  It was like no time had passed and we were just two old friends having fun.  Mind you we weren't always alone, others wandered over and we all cut up so nothing nefarious was happening.  But one night after everyone else had left and the fire had dimmed he leaned over and kissed me.  It was so...I couldn't do it justice...I guess indescribable.  It lasted longer than it should have and ended up with us more horizontal, but after I got my wits about me I pushed away.  He apologized but then took it back and said he didn't regret anything.  We talked, I don't remember about what but we talked for a while.  And that night I decided to sleep outside, ALONE, with my thoughts.  Like literally outside. I'm talking a sleeping bag under the stars....

The next night all was well and we were innocently chatting and laughing with other people when my "husband" walked out. But he was 100% NOT my husband.  He was my psycho ex.  The one in some of my early posts that destroyed me and then wouldn't let me be bc we owned a house together.  Anyway, he started freaking out.  Then he ordered me to go inside while they talked and I LISTENED.  What?!?!?!  So my college friend was calm and collected but the "husband" was losing it. After I paced around inside he came in and just laid into me about trust and Lord knows what else.  He kept saying "you know I was always concerned _____ would come back and take you away and now he's here."  Which 100% confused me because we did have that exact fight in real life EXCEPT it wasn't the guy I dated in college...it was my more serious/semi toxic ex from college who moved away.  And I would have never done that.  Like I've been accused of some crazy $hit but I was never the one being dishonest. 

Anyways, he started threatening to kick me out of my house, take my dogs, leave me in where ever the eff we were, pick something...it was a venomous chain of hate and anger being spewed.  I did (thank God) fight back.  And I recall saying I'm not leaving, you leave. It's my house too so skedaddle.  He said something like you can't afford to live alone which just pissed me off further.  I will eat noodles and butter if I have to, to prove you wrong. 

This clearly lasted a while and I ended up "sleeping" outside again with my thoughts.  But I was in a different place.  No more groups camping.  It was more of a neighborhood and my dogs were there but not the ones I have now.  I mean they had the same names & personalities but little bit was a small Husky which she is very much not.  As I was staring at the sky I realized the dogs could escape. 

When I sat up I was in my great grandparents old neighborhood in the parish.  We were staying at College guys house(?) but it was all interconnected.  Like the yards overlapped and it wasn't just my dogs.  So I was running around in the dark trying to secure the yard(s).  I was tying a gate shut when my college friend appeared out of nowhere and just gave me a hug.  Like a really good, its okay to be upset hug.  Nothing sexual or creepy just a needed show of care.  

That was it.  I woke up to a cat in my face and really confused.  I'm blaming it on the vaccine hahaha.  I've been having even more strange dreams since I got dose 1 a few days ago.  

You do not live here and no you cannot bring a friend!

It is beyond me why I attract animals but I do.  And all through this pandemic me being home has seemed to attract more...but mainly cats.  AND I DO NOT FEED THEM!

There is a gorgeous kitty I fondly call "not my cat" who seems to think she lives here.  I've had to remove her from my house multiple times.  She greets me outside daily, runs off any other living creature that steps foot on my property, and helps me when I'm in the garden. 

When she is off wandering there are other visitors; one I call Tom (like Tom & Jerry), an orange cat (I know where he lives), and a black & white cat I call Tux. 

Just in the last couple weeks I've had a long haired black & white cat (not Tux) in my backyard who was promptly run off by the orange cat. I had a long haired gray cat who thought he would make friends with my dogs....that did not go over well. Then I heard something crying at the front door at like 10:30 PM.

I went outside to find a tabby cat. He/she ran and hid under my car.  But was still crying.  So they were wanting attention but they were scared.  So what does weirdo me do?  She sits on the front porch in her PJs talking to a cat (my neighbors are going to commit me). 

Another day as I was working I saw a head pop up in my window, orange cat.  Since he was a kitten he looks inside when I have the blinds up.  But this time he was mewing LOUDLY.  WTF Cat, I'm working!  So I go outside and he runs up to me then runs to the side of my house.  

When I followed I saw him by my neighbors van, "hey how'd you get there so fast...?"  Then he ran behind a tire....

I went to the edge of my yard and he walked out from the back of my bushes....hold on...I just saw...what....

I went back inside.  About 20 min later I went get the mail and had TWO orange cats in my garden.  Ummmmmm you multiplied....  One was the one I know but the other had to be female bc he was protecting her.  She was lighter orange and TERRIFIED.  My neighbor's cat brought me his "girlfriend"

No no.  I don't care if you found her, she can't stay here!

Then the other night I got home from my friend's house and 

A cat I've NEVER seen before yelled at me from on top my hubs Truck.  He/she was in shadow but was definitely not one of the "regulars". 

I don't know what is going on but there are suddenly a lot of adult cats.  I haven't seen kittens so I am thinking it's either a catch, fix, and release thing OR some dip$hit is dumping cats in my hood.